My Caesarean: Twenty-One Mothers on the C-Section Experience and After

by Amanda Fields (Editor), Rachel Moritz (Editor)

Twenty-one vivid, moving essays on caesarean birth

“No one talks about C-sections as surgery,” writes SooJin Pate. “They talk about it as if it’s just another way—albeit more convenient way—of giving birth.” The twenty-one essays in My Caesarean add back to the conversation the missing voices of a vast, invisible sisterhood.

Robin Schoenthaler “A C-section for us meant life.” And yet, women who don’t give birth vaginally—by choice or necessity—often feel stigmatized. “My son’s birth was not a test I needed to pass,” writes Sara Bates. “As if growing a human inside another human for nine months then caring for it the rest of its life isn’t enough,” adds Mary Pan, herself a physician.

Alongside their personal stories, the writers—decorated novelists, poets, and essayists—address the history of the C-section as well as its risks, social inequities, impact on the body, and psychological aftermath. My Caesarean is a heartfelt meditation, offering much-needed comfort through shared experience.

Contributors Catherine Newman, Judy Batalion, Nicole Cooley, Aimee Nezhukumatathil, Lisa Solod, Misty Urban, Jacinda Townsend, Mary Pan, Robin Schoenthaler, Elizabeth Noll, Jen Fitzgerald, Tyrese Coleman, SooJin Pate, Daniela Montoya-Barthelemy, Cameron Dezen Hammon, LaToya Jordan, Sara Bates, Susan Hoffmann, and Alicia Jo Rabins.

Genres: Nonfiction, Essays, Parenting, Adult, Memoir

256 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 2019

About the author

Amanda Fields is an Assistant Professor of English and Writing Center Director at Central Connecticut State University as well as the Editor in Chief of Literary Mama. With Rachel Moritz, she is co-editor of My Caesarean: Twenty-One Mothers on the C-Section Experience and After (2019, The Experiment Press). She also co-edited Toward, Around, and Away from Tahrir: Tracking Emerging Expressions of Egyptian Identity (Cambridge Scholars Publishing, 2014) with Emily Golson and Loubna Youssef. She has published creative work in Indiana Review, Brevity, So To Speak, Nashville Review, and others. She has published scholarship in Writing Center Journal, Kairos, The Peer Review, Journal of Adolescent Research, and Sexuality Research and Social Policy, and others. She holds a PhD in Rhetoric and Composition from The University of Arizona and an MFA in Creative Nonfiction from the University of Minnesota.

Reviews

[Teresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was drawn to this collection of personal essays because I hadn’t seen anything about my own experience in print before. And while I didn’t find my exact experience here, the two essays by women who also gave birth to children in the 1980s were close enough. That I needed a c-section, once it was determined my double-footling breech baby (same with my second) was not budging, was never in doubt. But the dismissive surgeon, who elected to ignore my wishes for his own expediency, caused me complications down the (short) road. I would’ve thought (hoped) that the days of that kind of thing were over, but unfortunately not. As some of these essays attest, women are still suffering because of the attitudes, many based on fallacies, inherent in cookie-cutter ideas. That’s not to cast aspersion on all doctors and nurses; I have fond memories of others.

Even fortyish years after my experiences, I was glad to find this book, to be seen, as the saying goes. In “real life” I know no one who went through what I did, or at least no one who talks about it. As with some of the women who wrote these essays, perhaps those silent women feel guilty, were made to feel guilty, that it was their fault (something I never felt, though I have felt anger), and they don’t wish to speak of it. These writers are here to speak for them, hoping that their messages get through to those who need to hear it.

[Amanda Osenga · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a Mama who had an emergency c-section myself, I was intrigued by the title and premise of this book. Wow! What a healing and fascinating read this was for me. My son is almost 9-years-old so I have had a lot of time to process and work through the loss of my dream birth center water birth. Reading the stories of others who have had cesareans, either intended or not, opened my eyes to so many experiences. My heart ached and I wanted to say "I know how you feel" to some, others enraged me, and others brought me deep peace and even joy.

I would suggest this for all birth and post-partum workers. I'd also suggest this for women who have had a cesarian themselves but would recommend you've had counseling and support as needed as some of the stories are quite vivid and may be triggering if you're still overcoming trauma. Cesarian birth is nowhere near as discussed or quite frankly celebrated, and this helped me to feel more part of a community than I ever have in regards to my birth journey.

This is put together incredibly well and with obvious thought and care. An excellent read.

Thanks to NetGalley for providing me with a digital ARC of this book.

[Jennydlovesthebooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish this book was available when I had my first traumatic C-section in 2010. I would have felt less alone. This is an incredible collection of essays and should be given to every women departing the hospital after a C-section, elective or otherwise. I've had four C-sections (each one better than the previous one) -- this book covers a variety of experiences and is well written.

[Jenell Bakey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly, highly recommend. No matter what kind of birth you've had (or plan on having), this book offers incredible perspective on all the ways that birth doesn't go as planned and the physical, emotional, and psychological effects it has on mothers and their families. There are so many ways that C-section mothers are directly and indirectly told that they've failed... That message is damaging and needs to stop. This book illustrates the problem poignantly through deeply moving essays and firsthand accounts.

[Terzah · Rating 3 out of 5]

A useful read for C-section moms past, present, and future that has some useful tips on what to watch out for (beware the post-op constipation!!). It will also offer comfort to some who didn't plan on a C-section. I do admit that I'm always amazed at how many women fret about the way they give or gave birth. Trying to over-plan childbirth is like trying to chase a tornado or bathe a cat; it's practically guaranteed to take a turn you never expected. My twins were born by C-section, and, for me, there was no associated angst. My hope was to have healthy children, not a "birth experience;" had my pregnancy occurred before safe surgery was an option, my kids and I might all have died in the process (don't mess around with breech twins). Please, ladies, don't ever let anyone make you feel like less of a mom because of the manner in which you gave birth (or, in the case of adoptive moms, didn't give birth). Just as the wedding says nothing about the marriage, in the end, for most of us, the birth method has little impact on the mother-child relationship. It's what follows in the years to come that matters.

[Jennie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting collection of stories, but I read this as someone who's having a planned cesarean due to a medical condition and I'm not sure that I'd recommend someone else in my shoes do the same. I have a thick skin, and only wound up skipping one story, but some of these were gory and a little bit terrifying. Most stories featured traumatizing emergency c-sections, and I see how this could be normalizing for someone who had gone through it... but for someone on the front end, phrases like, "cut open like a hog" were pretty off-putting.

One story - I can't remember which - talked about how her c-section was something she was thrilled about because it gave her life in a world where, if it weren't available, she might have died in childbirth. This came closest to resonating with my own experience. I'm really grateful that this option exists for me.

If you're someone who's on the front end of a c-section (rather than looking back on it) and seeking guidance or reassurance, skip this book. I recommend instead reading "Cesarean Section: Understanding and Celebrating Your Baby's Birth" by Michele C. Moore and Caroline M. de Costa.

[Laura Melchor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally, a book that validates, empathizes with, and grapples with the looked-down-upon c-section. Reading this book actually made me realize that while my c-section could potentially have been avoided (I'll never know for sure), I'm GLAD I had it. My body may not have been ready to give birth, but my soul was. What a gift! I highly recommend this book to any mamas who've had c-sections — and to those who dismiss c-section births as "unnatural" and somehow "worse" than vaginal birth. (Ahem, Ina May, you should totally read this.)

[Shana · Rating 5 out of 5]

A critical book of motherhood studies. Gripping important for all people. The editors did a great job curating a diverse set of stories chronicling the reality of so many of American women's birth experience.

[Amy! · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rounding up from 3.5 stars

I liked reading so many different perspectives on people's c-section experiences. The essays ranged from feeling totally fine and satisfied to traumatized, from planned c-sections to emergencies, and nearly everywhere in between. Some of the things these writers said really resonated and some didn't.

As with any book of essays, it was a bit of a mixed bag in terms of essays I liked or really connected with, but they were all well written and are good reading for people interested in birth stories. One thing that did really stick with me was one of the authors talking about the difference between her c-section experience and her hysterectomy experience and how, even though they are very similar surgeries in terms of incisions and recovery, the author was given so much more support and time to actually heal after her hysterectomy than her c-section, and how perhaps it does new mothers a disservice to expect them to be able to fully care for a newborn within days of having them forcibly removed from the mother's abdomen.

This took me ages to read because it was so easy to read an essay and put the book down in favor of other things, but this might be a good option if you've been having a hard time focusing on a full length book during the pandemic.

[Ellen Scheid · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have been searching for someone with a similar story to mine. This book was not able to provide that (because mine was traumatic and painful from the start), but it did help me to understand that there are people who feel the way that I have felt.
Undergoing a c-section is traumatic for the body whether it is planned or emergency. It is a major surgery that people tend to sweep under the rug because the focus becomes set on the child and not the mother's recovery. Healing takes time. The physical and mental healing from my experience is still not over even a year after the birth of my son, but I am a work in progress.
If you need reassurance that you are not a failure after a c-section, please give this a read.

[Abby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Took me a long time to finish this book, because of sheer intensity. The intersection of female experience with essay format/long form prose hit a literary sweet spot for me.

The biggest takeaway for me as a mom and doula: we need these voices and stories to be told. We need women and their support systems to be more informed about what the cesarean means for recovery and early motherhood. More support and honor for C-section moms. More education and grace for entering the postpartum period, regardless of how you birth. Cesarean experience, during and after, is common enough and transformative enough, it shouldn’t be on the fringes of conversation in the birth world and for birth workers. Humbled by this read and so thankful for gifted writers sharing their experiences.

[Misty · Rating 5 out of 5]

As an author in this collection, I glommed onto my contributor copy and sat down to read it right away, eager to hear what the other contributors had to say. I had to read in pieces because, altogether, the collection is so deep, so powerful, so triggering and troubling and eye-opening and enraging and exultant, that I had to parse out the process of entering so completely into the experiences of these women, these moms.

From well before birth to well after, the varied and welcome diversity of voices--all kinds of women, who had C-sections for all sorts of reasons, some planned, many not--paint a real, vivid, and true picture of the experience that I wish I'd been able to read a lot sooner for the perspective it gave me on my own experience. Reading it was immersive, challenging, joyful, and healing.

This book should be put in the hands of every woman who has had, expects to have, wants to or doesn't want to have a C-section, and I hope it will, as the editors intended, start conversations about how to deal with this surgery and where it fits in the birth stories and parenting journeys of so many women. A well-written, moving, astonishing, and excellent, cohesive collection that holds C-sections moms with care and clarity. Read it.

I've written a fuller account of the book at femmeliterate.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

A reminder that the way your child enters the world isn’t what makes you a mother.

[Brenna · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really powerful and healing read for all different types of cesarean experience.

[Felicia Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreakingly beautiful, validating and healing for any mama who had a c-section. You are a warrior. You are seen.

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am so appreciative of this book. In the beginning the authors explain how frustrating it is for birth classes, books, and other educational sources around birth to primarily focus on natural vaginal deliveries and only throw a few paragraphs (maybe a chapter) in the direction of a c-section. The diaglogue is lacking, it's hidden, it's there but seems to be impossible to find, and so this book and these essays were born from that lack.

Each essay is written by a different author sharing their unique circumstances that led to a c-section, their physical and emotional responses, and the healing - healing that goes BEYOND 6-8 weeks. We hear from women who had c-sections in the 80s up through current time, we hear from a range of locations and socioeconomic experiences, we hear from those who could only have c-sections to those who experienced both vaginal and c-sections. Women share their raw responses, which at times includes trauma from the surgery, and women share about their communities response to c-sections and a lot of times there's a plea to do better. And there are a lot of essays about becoming a mom.

This book is real and raw and full of emotion, and I'm glad I read it.

[Maureen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of these were helpful and some were down right unsettling.

I prepared for a natural birth. I did not want an epidural. I wanted it as natural as possible in a hospital. I got the exact opposite. I never progressed past 3cm and my daughter’s heart rate kept dipping and it was necessary. That doesn’t mean I didn’t grieve.

One important take away from this book is that giving birth is not some kind of test. I didn’t fail. My bond with my daughter is not harmed because she was born surgically. I am grateful that I’m alive when c-sections are available. This book is an important one since the majority of the books in the childbirth section focus on natural births.

[Sari Fordham · Rating 5 out of 5]

One subject: So many different stories, each one compelling. I can't recommend this anthology enough. I haven't had a c-section, but I was so moved by the universal fears and joys and frustrations found here. I found myself thinking about my pregnancy and delivery, how animal I felt during it, and how the delivery could have gone so differently. If you've had a c-section, I can only imagine how companionable this anthology will be. This book will certainly be on my buying list for anyone after a c-section.

[Joseph Hirsch · Rating 4 out of 5]

Takeout Chinese and binging on ice cream have given me a nice paunch, which can compare (un)favorably to the third trimester belly of any expecting woman. But this is a far cry from actual pregnancy, and—considering I was born via c-section—I decided to read My Caesarian.
Twenty-one mothers recount the experience of giving birth to their children via c-section. Some of them planned homebirths assisted by doulas, and felt like failures for their c-sections. Others merely felt relief (along with a dull pressure) when their baby was removed via surgeon’s scalpel rather than gloved hand. What comes through in all the stories, though, is that the greatest burden of pregnancy is not the baby being carried to term, but society’s and the medical establishment’s expectations of what constitutes a “good birth.” Even the best advice of the most well-meaning can annoy or even emotionally traumatize a woman made to believe there’s something unnatural about a c-section.
And yet the truth is, for many of the women in this collection, the c-section was unnatural. Some—despite the presence of surgical curtains—even caught glimpses of their viscera reflected back to them as the operation was taking place. Others, who actually researched what the operation entailed beforehand, already knew how involved and intrusive the process was. What must it feel like to see oneself lying there on a gurney, their intestines coiled and organs slick, exposed to a whole surgical theater, literally vivisected?
How does it feel to emerge from such an operation with their stomach lined with shining golden staples, and after that, a raised bit of scar tissue that the kids might want explained?
The tales are not for the squeamish, but then again, neither is pregnancy, and definitely not childbirth. There’s no doubt that modern medicine has made it possible for childbirth to be less painful and dangerous than it once was. Indeed, in the past the caesarian was usually performed to save the life of the child when it was determined the mother was going to die in delivery. That said, there can also be little doubt that the process of childbirth remains terrifying, miraculous, a primal act that each woman has to go through alone, regardless of who’s with her, surgeon or doula or no one.
Illustrations are scant, and mostly confined to one essay that interleaves the author’s personal experiences with the history of the process. Seeing all the engravings of forceps and bone saws—not to mention the dead mother trussed up and surrounded by doctors who look more like inquisitors—definitely shows how far we’ve come. But the myths about c-section—some circulated in good faith, other rumors mongered by natural birth purists—show there’s still a lot of work to be done. This book does much of that work, and also gives me a greater appreciation—honestly reverence—for my mother who did this not once, not twice, but thrice.
Recommended, for readers of all ages and backgrounds and sexes, regardless of how you were born.

[Brooklyn Prough · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely recommend this book if you’re still healing from a c-section, or have any feelings about C-sections.

“The C-section mother is a powerful mother. Whatever power a c section mother loses by not pushing her baby out she gains through healing herself. “

“Becoming a mother is not in the moment of birth: it’s in the moments of love “

“ and it came to me that my daughter had been with me through this, the whole time”

“As a driven type a personality, I wanted only the highest achievement for me and my firstborn. In the worlds eyes, that meant a vaginal birth”

“This surgery branded me for life and changed me”

“This was my initiation into motherhood and all it entails: the loss of control, constant questioning, and recurrent failures”

“A stuck baby stops the world”

“Decontextualizing a C-section as surgery and recontextualizing it as an alternative to a vaginal birth is a huge disservice to the mother”

“ my daughter and I share the same life line and it is recorded on my belly”

“All I want is to escape my body that seems to have failed my baby daughter again and again”

“ despite all my preparation, I failed to sit up in the delivery room with my strong, capable body made for childbirth”

“Motherhood is something that happens to a woman, not all at once, but with each lullaby and goodnight kiss”

“I didn’t give birth just the way I’d planned, but my first day as a mother taught me that, even when all my expectations go up in flames, absolute perfection can still rise up from the ashes”

[Skye · Rating 5 out of 5]

Surprisingly, considering one third of Australians have a caesarean, after being blindsided by mine, I realised I had ZERO CLOSE FRIENDS who'd been through this. In the weeks after my daughter was born, this fact left me feeling surprisingly disconnected from my fellow mums. In a moment when I thought I'd feel even more connected by shared experiences. So I decided to do what I always do... find a book that could help me with this. And this was the perfect book to do that.

Every birth story is different. Including caesareans. Like everything, our stories run the gambit from seriously enjoyable to downright terrifying. My own sits somewhere in the middle, but leaning towards the positives. I love that this collection includes the different emotions and experiences. It's not trying to paint caesareans in any light other than what they are... a modern medical intervention that has let countless mothers and children live. But one that is contentious and can leave people feeling like they somehow "failed".

Although many of these stories take place many years ago (quite a few before I was was born), they still have that relatability. Even if the technology and process has continued to drastically alter and evolve, the process is still the same. This gave me so many moments of empathy and points that I could just smile and relate to. For someone that doesn't have anyone in their personal life that can do this... it was incredibly cathartic. In some instances, this was a laughing moment or a secret smile. In others, I cried a few tears as I finished processing my own birth story.

Even if you haven't or never will have a caesarean. If you don't know anyone who has, or are just plain curious. This is well worth a read. It gives insight into the feelings and experiences of women who are unafraid to share their experiences and feelings. The good, the bad, the ugly and the out and out joyful.

[Cheon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly recommend

As a woman who had a C-section and feeling less than because I wasn’t able to have a vaginal broth, I fully enjoyed this book. I found myself in the shoes of so many of the contributors of this book, not feeling like a real mother, not knowing what I was doing, feeling like a failure because my birth plan went to shit, feeling lonely during and after the birth. I recommend hospitals give this to women after having a C-section, whether it’s their first or last baby, so they have something to relate to rather than feeling like they did everything wrong after bringing the baby home and starting motherhood or having another child.

[Kennedy Salts · Rating 5 out of 5]

My mom got this for me after my caesarean section to help me cope with what happened to me and I honestly didn’t want to read it at first. I didn’t want a single thing to do with this book, but one day I just picked it up and gave it a go and it felt so nice to read other stories of similar things that happened to me. It didn’t make me feel as alone as I did. It was like a support group in a book.

There was a great range of experiences and views and amounts of coping done through these pages and overall it was well written and put together. I recommend this to anyone who’s had a c-section and is struggling emotionally with it.

[Rachel J · Rating 5 out of 5]

About a month after a caesarean, I found this book. We had planned a birth center water birth but, after more than 24 hours of laboring, our baby’s heart tones were dropping too low and we transferred to the hospital. The surgery saved her life. And I learned that joy and grief can absolutely exist at the same time; it has been a lot to process. Several of the essays in this book read much like our story. I was so grateful to find words that spoke to how I was feeling and gave clarity to my jumble of raw emotions. This book validated what I felt as a new mother with an unplanned scar.

[Pragya Bhatt · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's difficult to find books about the aftermath of the caesarean section. This collection of essays looks at the various aspects of undergoing a c-section, from the unwillingness, to the guilt to the recovery and everything in between. I appreciated the honesty, forthrightness and relatability of the essays. I love the fact that they delve into how motherhood can be bewildering, messy, dark, evoke feelings of helplessness....and how it's unique to all women. I would recommend this book to everyone.

[Susanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

The one word that comes to mind: searing.

Twenty-one C-section moms share a good cross-section of birth experiences, mostly traumatic but a few were happy. 

This is a good book for anyone who likes birth stories or for people processing their own C-sections.

However, by the end it started to feel repetitive. Many of the essays ended with a paragraph specifically about the look or feel of the C-section scar. I wonder if that was directed by the editor?

I picked it up at the library while browsing pregnancy books. I've had two vaginal births, but I know there's no guarantee for my third birth, and this was a worthwhile read to see what birth could be like for me in case of a C-section.

[Cheri Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be both profound and incredibly moving. The writers’ experiences and perspectives on c-sections are widely diverse, but they are all great writers; they bring not only the details of their lives and their feelings and perceptions to their stories but a writerly search for answers, a delving into history and literature and ages of wisdom, as they look for ways to understand this piece of their lives through the lens of the entire human experience.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

All of it is gold but, as always, Catherine Newman's piece is everything I never knew I needed: "Torn vagina or sliced abdomen, incontinence or bikini scars. These were not my issues. This new ancient face, these rosy lips, swallowing, swallowing, breathing, asleep. My issue was adapting to the heartbreak of human life. My issue was learning to love through the potential of unendurable loss. Some part of me had been sected away with the baby. Something was gone. I had been debulked."

[Epsilon2 · Rating 2 out of 5]

Picked up this book at a local library hoping it will give me courage and insight in anticipation of my scheduled c-section. The result was I felt more discouraged after reading most of the stories than before. In most stories, most mothers are mourning the fact that they did not have a natural birth. Not the kind of takeaway I would need before my delivery.

[Jessie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm very torn in my opinion about this one. It is a hard subject and brought up a lot of feelings. It was a lot to handle. Maybe too early following my own emergency C-section almost 10 months ago. I would be curious how someone who hadn't had one would feel about it.