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The Popularity Illusion: Why status is toxic but likeability wins all
Who doesn't want to be more popular? Popularity expert Professor Mitch Prinstein shows that perhaps we should be careful what we wish for ...Surely a person's popularity, be it at school, work or on social media, is the best predictor of how happy and successful they will be? The truth is actually much more complex and is based on millennia of human evolution. In this impeccably researched and highly entertaining book, Professor Mitch Prinstein reveals that there are two very distinct types of the first based on status and the second based on likeability. Whilst we may be hardwired to crave status, only one of these types will really get you where you want. Based on two decades of research into the human psyche and genetic make-up, The Popularity Illusion reveals the science behind what popularity is and why we care about it so much – even if we don't think we do. Investigating social media phenomena, playground cliques and work place politics, Professor Mitch Prinstein explores how popularity taps into our basic need to survive and examines the surprising links to our health and lifespan, offering important insights for all of us about how we can cultivate the right kind of popularity of ourselves and our children. An enlightening read on a topic that has fascinated us for centuries, The Popularity Illusion will show you how popularity influences your life in unexpected ways.First published in hardback as Why Being Liked is the Secret to Greater Success and Happiness.
- GenresPsychologyNonfiction
320 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 21, 2018
15 people are currently reading
183 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
November 20, 2021
What we feel about a given situation has much less to do with what actually happens to us than it does with what we think about what took place.
A combination of Psychology and Contemporary, this book provides an anatomy of what popularity means in the modern world and how does it affects you - both, in your childhood as well as when you grow up.
There are 2 aspects of this popularity: number one, to have power prestige, and dominance, and number two, to be likable. 'To be likable' directly points towards quality, which we often confuse with status. Our brains are programmed to pursue this "high" status.
It is not bad, though. But it's good only if it makes you happier and you do it just for yourself; not for showing it off to anyone else.
I reckon it will be an engaging read for most readers.
3.5 / 5
A combination of Psychology and Contemporary, this book provides an anatomy of what popularity means in the modern world and how does it affects you - both, in your childhood as well as when you grow up.
There are 2 aspects of this popularity: number one, to have power prestige, and dominance, and number two, to be likable. 'To be likable' directly points towards quality, which we often confuse with status. Our brains are programmed to pursue this "high" status.
It is not bad, though. But it's good only if it makes you happier and you do it just for yourself; not for showing it off to anyone else.
I reckon it will be an engaging read for most readers.
3.5 / 5
August 20, 2018
excellent analysis of what popularity is, why it's important and of the two very different types of popularity - status and likeability and their effects on our life. very timely, excellently written, research-based and at the same time a fun and very useful read for both adults and teenagers if this status-obsessed time. very highly recommended!
August 16, 2019
I found this book value in a lot of examples. Give a wild variety of evidence based material.
Would recommend to read it for any practitioner for exploring this field.
Would recommend to read it for any practitioner for exploring this field.
July 23, 2022
Likely my best read of 2022. Highly (highly) recommend. Popularity is premised on likeability, status is toxic, likes & followers are bogus. Likeability is premised on kindness and authenticity - my favourite thing! This was SUCH a good read - can’t recommend it enough.
October 13, 2018
I confess I didn't get to read all of this book - the next person in queue at the library was waiting - but it's an engaging read for the age of social media fame.
May 11, 2023
Vanaf nu ga ik veel vriendelijker zijn bij de feedback
August 13, 2018
There are two ways to be popular. One is to seek status. The other is to be likeable. Guess which one is healthier? This is a fascinating account of these two approaches to popularity. Easy to read and based on lots of research. Covers all sorts of applications to real life -- school, work, social media, parenting, and more. A very enlightening read.
April 8, 2023
Hyvä kirja siitä, miten kiusaajat eivät tule pärjäämään myöhemmin elämässään ja miksi aidot ystävyyssuhteet ja muiden kunnioittaminen on tärkeämpää kuin status.
December 15, 2021
Several decades ago a work colleague said to me that a senior person was "respected, but not loved" and this comment seems to fit into the line on the cover of this book that "status is toxic but likability wins all." One might have wanted a few qualifiers to this statement, but then it seems that kind of book.
Mitch Prinstein seeks to show that popularity isn't all it seems to be, or at least what the general perception appears to be, with research from his lab and other researchers and places. Much of this is with younger groups. Lab work can be contentious, as it depends on the presumptions behind the experiments conducted, particularly regarding what might be considered personality, as well as environmental factors.
The author provides information that gives context on these issues, with mixed results, according to this reader at any rate. Then again, this is social psychology.
Prinstein provides a model with 5 labels: Accepted, Controversial, Neglected, Rejected and Average. One interesting outcome is that the consequences of falling into the negatively labelled categories appears to continue through life, and that popularity isn't necessarily a continuing experience.
This is one of those readable, informal books, at least at the start relying on a particular view of psychological science and a self-help theme in the background, which becomes more apparent as the book proceeds.
I didn't find this undercurrent particularly helpful, and baulked at Prinstein's diversions from the research and relevant observations, by inserting brief stories/anecdotes of dubious merit – he presents them and then says he made them up, without linking it to anything following. This made other presumptions and comments a bit shaky, particularly around neuroscience and human origins and development where he seemed more dogmatic than informative.
Eventually I gave up, having lost confidence in what he was saying, which is a pity because the early part6s of the book had merit.
Mitch Prinstein seeks to show that popularity isn't all it seems to be, or at least what the general perception appears to be, with research from his lab and other researchers and places. Much of this is with younger groups. Lab work can be contentious, as it depends on the presumptions behind the experiments conducted, particularly regarding what might be considered personality, as well as environmental factors.
The author provides information that gives context on these issues, with mixed results, according to this reader at any rate. Then again, this is social psychology.
Prinstein provides a model with 5 labels: Accepted, Controversial, Neglected, Rejected and Average. One interesting outcome is that the consequences of falling into the negatively labelled categories appears to continue through life, and that popularity isn't necessarily a continuing experience.
This is one of those readable, informal books, at least at the start relying on a particular view of psychological science and a self-help theme in the background, which becomes more apparent as the book proceeds.
I didn't find this undercurrent particularly helpful, and baulked at Prinstein's diversions from the research and relevant observations, by inserting brief stories/anecdotes of dubious merit – he presents them and then says he made them up, without linking it to anything following. This made other presumptions and comments a bit shaky, particularly around neuroscience and human origins and development where he seemed more dogmatic than informative.
Eventually I gave up, having lost confidence in what he was saying, which is a pity because the early part6s of the book had merit.
November 20, 2018
I have often been too obsessed with how popular I am, and paranoid about others who appear to attract more attention than I do, so I decided to give this book a try. This basically shows how "popularity" is not really what a lot of people make it out to be, and all about how it's more important to be liked by others.
The book started off by making reference to Mitch Prinstein's own social experiments involving schoolkids, and analysing different personality types, but what was most striking was how the book demonstrated how popular teenagers had ended up in a downward spiral of addiction that resulted in them dropping out of college.
A lot of the comments in the book were directed at Facebook, and peoples' obsession with getting a huge number of "likes" for their posts; this definitely rang true for me, as I'm often comparing my posts that get a very small number of likes with those of friends that get about a hundred. The book pointed out that comparing yourself with your Facebook friends in this way is not a good idea. I was struck particularly by how the book proved that people will often "like" Facebook posts just because lots of others did so too.
I was also surprised by the comments about how parents' popularity and behaviour can often influence how their kids end up.
I'd recommend this book to anyone who feels obesessed with their own status and popularity; it shows that there is more to life than trying to be popular and be part of the "in crowd".
The book started off by making reference to Mitch Prinstein's own social experiments involving schoolkids, and analysing different personality types, but what was most striking was how the book demonstrated how popular teenagers had ended up in a downward spiral of addiction that resulted in them dropping out of college.
A lot of the comments in the book were directed at Facebook, and peoples' obsession with getting a huge number of "likes" for their posts; this definitely rang true for me, as I'm often comparing my posts that get a very small number of likes with those of friends that get about a hundred. The book pointed out that comparing yourself with your Facebook friends in this way is not a good idea. I was struck particularly by how the book proved that people will often "like" Facebook posts just because lots of others did so too.
I was also surprised by the comments about how parents' popularity and behaviour can often influence how their kids end up.
I'd recommend this book to anyone who feels obesessed with their own status and popularity; it shows that there is more to life than trying to be popular and be part of the "in crowd".
March 31, 2020
reading this book made me remember how much i pref physical books. anw pretty good and easy read.
key takeaways:
- likeability =/= status
- 4 types of people:
- popularity principles:
1. Know your employees and co-workers personally
2. Don't rush to take credits for others
3. Move your team from within (listen more than talk)
4. Attend to team's social dynamics
5. Assign employees based on their strengths
5.1. Accepteds (highly liked/ low disliked) - may be best at management and sales
5.2. Rejecteds (low liked/ highly disliked) - may be best at risk scenarios and being more empathic
5.3. Controversials (highly liked/ highly disliked) - suitable for positions with promise of power/status
5.4. Neglecteds (low liked / low disliked) - most adaptable
6. Praise
7. Don't speak first
key takeaways:
- likeability =/= status
- 4 types of people:
- popularity principles:
1. Know your employees and co-workers personally
2. Don't rush to take credits for others
3. Move your team from within (listen more than talk)
4. Attend to team's social dynamics
5. Assign employees based on their strengths
5.1. Accepteds (highly liked/ low disliked) - may be best at management and sales
5.2. Rejecteds (low liked/ highly disliked) - may be best at risk scenarios and being more empathic
5.3. Controversials (highly liked/ highly disliked) - suitable for positions with promise of power/status
5.4. Neglecteds (low liked / low disliked) - most adaptable
6. Praise
7. Don't speak first
September 9, 2021
In this age of social and media, I felt this book analyzed the history and motives for “popularity”. The arguments were sometimes repetitive nevertheless the context and takeaways were valuable. It really made me reevaluate many social interaction I went through especially during high school. Insightful!
June 30, 2019
An interesting look at being likeable as opposed to being popular. Very light on actual concrete tips to become more likeable, other than just be a decent human lol.
January 27, 2023
took a lot of breaks reading this but still so interesting !!! lots of things to think about
December 28, 2018
This is quite the interesting book that provides an insight to how popularity works in the the modern society and its impact. Mitch gives different examples of how likability influences life decisions and judgments made on persons.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews