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What Matters Most: The Get Your Shit Together Guide to Wills, Money, Insurance, and Life’s “What-ifs”
Founder of popular website Get Your Shit Together blends personal story and must-have advice in the ultimate guide to getting your affairs in order—from wills and advance directives to insurance, finances, and relationships—before the unthinkable happens.
On July 17, 2009, Chanel Reynolds’ husband, José, was struck by a car while cycling near their home in Seattle. In the wake of her husband’s untimely death, Reynolds quickly realized that she was completely unprepared for what came next. What was the password to his phone? Did they sign their wills? How much insurance did they have? Could she afford the house? And what the hell was probate anyway? Simply put, when life went sideways she didn’t have her shit together.
As it turns out, most of us don’t either. We’re too busy, in denial, overwhelmed by too much information, uncertain where to start, or just uncomfortable having those difficult conversations.
Reynolds learned the hard way that hoping for the best is not a plan, but you don’t have to. Drawing on her first-hand experience, expert advice, and the unparalleled resources she’s compiled for her celebrated website, Reynolds lends a human voice to a warren of checklists and forms and emotional confusion, showing readers how to:
Create a will and living will
Update (or finally get) the right life insurance policy
Start or grow an emergency fund
Make a watertight emergency plan
Keep secure, up-to-date records of personal information
Authoritative yet personal, grounded but irreverent, Reynolds’ voice carries readers through a tough subject with candor and compassion. Weaving personal story with hard-won wisdom, The GYST Guide is the approachable, no-nonsense handbook we all need to living a life free of worry and "what ifs."
On July 17, 2009, Chanel Reynolds’ husband, José, was struck by a car while cycling near their home in Seattle. In the wake of her husband’s untimely death, Reynolds quickly realized that she was completely unprepared for what came next. What was the password to his phone? Did they sign their wills? How much insurance did they have? Could she afford the house? And what the hell was probate anyway? Simply put, when life went sideways she didn’t have her shit together.
As it turns out, most of us don’t either. We’re too busy, in denial, overwhelmed by too much information, uncertain where to start, or just uncomfortable having those difficult conversations.
Reynolds learned the hard way that hoping for the best is not a plan, but you don’t have to. Drawing on her first-hand experience, expert advice, and the unparalleled resources she’s compiled for her celebrated website, Reynolds lends a human voice to a warren of checklists and forms and emotional confusion, showing readers how to:
Create a will and living will
Update (or finally get) the right life insurance policy
Start or grow an emergency fund
Make a watertight emergency plan
Keep secure, up-to-date records of personal information
Authoritative yet personal, grounded but irreverent, Reynolds’ voice carries readers through a tough subject with candor and compassion. Weaving personal story with hard-won wisdom, The GYST Guide is the approachable, no-nonsense handbook we all need to living a life free of worry and "what ifs."
352 pages, Hardcover
Published March 19, 2019
259 people are currently reading
889 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 81 reviews
December 2, 2020
I really thought I would just "browse" through this, but I ended up zipping through this and taking photos of many of the pages, for future reference. I already have the usual stuff - will, living wills, insurance, info. about my bank accounts, etc, but as I learned from this book, there are other things to consider, as well.
Does someone in your family or a close friend know your username & password(s) for things such as your laptop, tablet, smartphone? What about email? Social Media apps? Online memberships?
Have you told your "person" how to contact your doctors? lawyers? insurance agent? credit card companies?
Think about every single thing that you have that requires a contact or a username & password - It's mind boggling! Besides the items I listed above, think about your digital access - TV, movies, magazines, music, books ... Do you game? What about online auctions / shopping?
Are you a member of a coupon club? Airline / Hotel Rewards? Digital Dollars? Do you do anything with password management?
These things can be your "little" secret, for now, but eventually, someone needs to know all of this information, so you don't continue to be charged for x account or they can shut down your social media account, if this is your desire.
Wow!
Does someone in your family or a close friend know your username & password(s) for things such as your laptop, tablet, smartphone? What about email? Social Media apps? Online memberships?
Have you told your "person" how to contact your doctors? lawyers? insurance agent? credit card companies?
Think about every single thing that you have that requires a contact or a username & password - It's mind boggling! Besides the items I listed above, think about your digital access - TV, movies, magazines, music, books ... Do you game? What about online auctions / shopping?
Are you a member of a coupon club? Airline / Hotel Rewards? Digital Dollars? Do you do anything with password management?
These things can be your "little" secret, for now, but eventually, someone needs to know all of this information, so you don't continue to be charged for x account or they can shut down your social media account, if this is your desire.
Wow!
August 31, 2022
Mostly memoir, which I knew and was looking forward to listening to. Cried a lot even though the author’s widow journey was different than mine. Laughed too… there are just funny/dark things that you’ll get once you’re living with heavy grief.
After dealing with the immediate secondary-loss shitstorm* following a sudden, catastrophic loss, I want all my ducks in a row for my kids when I die. The info and checklists in this book are excellent.
* Wills, probate, insurance, lost passwords, mystery keys, the heartbreak of no final goodbyes, autopsy vs organ donor decisions w/ almost no time to consider, having to choose a funeral home minutes after the death, regrets/mistakes made during the rushed funeral planning, extended fam wanting different things, etc, etc, etc, etcccccc.
Recommend even if (especially if) you haven’t lost someone close to you yet. Read it now and get your shit together to alleviate some of your own stress when your spouse, parent, or child dies before you… and alleviate your loved ones’ stress if you’re the one that dies first.
Not a fun read, but a necessary one.
After dealing with the immediate secondary-loss shitstorm* following a sudden, catastrophic loss, I want all my ducks in a row for my kids when I die. The info and checklists in this book are excellent.
* Wills, probate, insurance, lost passwords, mystery keys, the heartbreak of no final goodbyes, autopsy vs organ donor decisions w/ almost no time to consider, having to choose a funeral home minutes after the death, regrets/mistakes made during the rushed funeral planning, extended fam wanting different things, etc, etc, etc, etcccccc.
Recommend even if (especially if) you haven’t lost someone close to you yet. Read it now and get your shit together to alleviate some of your own stress when your spouse, parent, or child dies before you… and alleviate your loved ones’ stress if you’re the one that dies first.
Not a fun read, but a necessary one.
May 10, 2021
When this book first came out a couple of years ago I read a review that sounded interesting, and so I got a copy. But then, with how much I have to read for work, I didn't get around to it. But I kept thinking about it. And the last few months, my husband and I have been working with a financial consultant who has been very strongly encouraging us to do things like write a will, a living will, get life insurance, and all that stuff. Things I know I've been needing to do for a very long time, but which feel both postponable and really taxing.
I did want to at least get a start on one of those long-term tasks and I had some free time last weekend for reading, and my uncle recently died so that also made me think more seriously about these topics, so I finally picked it up. Man, if I had known what this book encompassed, I would have read it the day it came out! It's hard for me to think of a book that is more Carin-book-crack than this book!
I had thought it was going to be a mostly dry series of chapters on each of these tasks, hopefully with some checklists, and I was mostly just hoping there would be decent explanations of things like why get term life insurance and what is an annuity. I knew the author had been inspired to write it after the sudden death of her husband left her unprepared, but I thought that would be covered in the preface. Instead, this book is 80% memoir about his accident (he was biking and was hit by a car), the horrendous week while he was in the hospital in a coma, the heart-wrenching decision for Chanel to remove life support, and the aftermath when she couldn't concentrate to work full time (she'd been freelancing before his death so there wasn't exactly a job to go back to--she'd have had to scramble for gigs etc.), and she couldn't afford their house by herself, and she was having to figure out how to explain to their five-year-old son about his father's death, while dealing with probate. Interspersed throughout are checklists and concrete things to do. The last 15% of the book is also a series of checklists. I can't recall ever having done this before but I preloaded my bookmark with post-its as I knew I'd want to mark some pages to refer back to (and I did!).
Boy, the accident was horrible, and the doctors were pretty astonished that Jose even made it to the hospital alive (no one with these injuries ever had before), and Chanel certainly had a robust support system, even including both a social worker who had worked in that hospital in the past and a counselor. But she was still completely unprepared. Most frustratingly, she and Jose had written wills, YEARS before, but had never bothered to sign them and get them notarized. (Similarly, my husband and I have an excuse--most of these documents are state-specific and since we're moving to Maryland next year the plan is just to do them there.) So come for the schadenfreude and rubber-necking, but stay for the lists of shit you have got to do. By the end of this book, I had made sure my husband was set up as my emergency person in LastPass to get my passwords, and I also made an In Case of Emergency file with info on contacting my company's HR, my boss, my iPhone passcode, and photocopies of my passport, birth certificate, and our marriage certificate. Now my husband has all that as the very first file in his file cabinet, and if something horrid were to happen to me, he wouldn't be as caught off guard as Chanel. And Jordan and I had a conversation about what we'd consider to be the minimum quality of life we'd want to stick around for and ours are different. And I am wondering if we can go ahead and do those documents for Maryland now, and not wait. We certainly don't need to wait on the life and umbrella insurances. Their priority is much higher on the To Do list. And this is one book I'll be highly recommending, but not giving away. (I give away 99.9% of books that I read.) I'll keep it as a reference at least until I have 100% of the paperwork done.
I'm terribly sorry that Ms. Reynolds had to go through this trauma and loss, but I am so grateful for the rest of us that she's chosen to share her life lessons and point us down a path to a better outcome, financially if not medically. Everyone should read this book.
I did want to at least get a start on one of those long-term tasks and I had some free time last weekend for reading, and my uncle recently died so that also made me think more seriously about these topics, so I finally picked it up. Man, if I had known what this book encompassed, I would have read it the day it came out! It's hard for me to think of a book that is more Carin-book-crack than this book!
I had thought it was going to be a mostly dry series of chapters on each of these tasks, hopefully with some checklists, and I was mostly just hoping there would be decent explanations of things like why get term life insurance and what is an annuity. I knew the author had been inspired to write it after the sudden death of her husband left her unprepared, but I thought that would be covered in the preface. Instead, this book is 80% memoir about his accident (he was biking and was hit by a car), the horrendous week while he was in the hospital in a coma, the heart-wrenching decision for Chanel to remove life support, and the aftermath when she couldn't concentrate to work full time (she'd been freelancing before his death so there wasn't exactly a job to go back to--she'd have had to scramble for gigs etc.), and she couldn't afford their house by herself, and she was having to figure out how to explain to their five-year-old son about his father's death, while dealing with probate. Interspersed throughout are checklists and concrete things to do. The last 15% of the book is also a series of checklists. I can't recall ever having done this before but I preloaded my bookmark with post-its as I knew I'd want to mark some pages to refer back to (and I did!).
Boy, the accident was horrible, and the doctors were pretty astonished that Jose even made it to the hospital alive (no one with these injuries ever had before), and Chanel certainly had a robust support system, even including both a social worker who had worked in that hospital in the past and a counselor. But she was still completely unprepared. Most frustratingly, she and Jose had written wills, YEARS before, but had never bothered to sign them and get them notarized. (Similarly, my husband and I have an excuse--most of these documents are state-specific and since we're moving to Maryland next year the plan is just to do them there.) So come for the schadenfreude and rubber-necking, but stay for the lists of shit you have got to do. By the end of this book, I had made sure my husband was set up as my emergency person in LastPass to get my passwords, and I also made an In Case of Emergency file with info on contacting my company's HR, my boss, my iPhone passcode, and photocopies of my passport, birth certificate, and our marriage certificate. Now my husband has all that as the very first file in his file cabinet, and if something horrid were to happen to me, he wouldn't be as caught off guard as Chanel. And Jordan and I had a conversation about what we'd consider to be the minimum quality of life we'd want to stick around for and ours are different. And I am wondering if we can go ahead and do those documents for Maryland now, and not wait. We certainly don't need to wait on the life and umbrella insurances. Their priority is much higher on the To Do list. And this is one book I'll be highly recommending, but not giving away. (I give away 99.9% of books that I read.) I'll keep it as a reference at least until I have 100% of the paperwork done.
I'm terribly sorry that Ms. Reynolds had to go through this trauma and loss, but I am so grateful for the rest of us that she's chosen to share her life lessons and point us down a path to a better outcome, financially if not medically. Everyone should read this book.
November 11, 2022
I picked this book up from the library to get estate planning and financial advice. I was surprised that it's really more of an autobiography of the author's experience losing her husband in a biking accident. It's very heart-wrenching and I found myself emotional while reading it, which I think helps to encourage everybody to get their affairs in order asap.
April 23, 2021
This book is hard to categorize (and occasionally hard to follow). Reading this the week my dad died was pretty on the nose. It’s billed as a book about getting your financial and legal poop in a group but it is equally a memoir about her own traumatic experience, and advice about how to help when someone is grieving (this part is especially good, trust me). If you’re looking for a manual about wills, POA, etc, you’re likely to find yourself aggravated with a lot of extraneous story-telling, but I personally found it compelling as a whole package.
May 30, 2019
You're gonna cry
June 9, 2019
Not helpful- mostly memoir without much guidance
April 22, 2019
What Matters Most... an introductory guide to understanding, creating, and protecting documents and procedures needed for end of life/ financial planning. Approximately 25% of the book contains solid information regarding how to set up, what to include, and what types of documents are needed to properly disperse personal wealth to heirs or trusts. The remaining book was a memoir/ autobiography about the author's misfortune in losing her husband too soon.
August 20, 2019
Good book that makes a compelling case for taking care of legal matters for every individual.
I only take issue with the veracity with which she advocated for a living will. A health care power of attorney that designates a person to advocate for another individual is far more powerful.
The book is so readable and the story is heart breaking.
I only take issue with the veracity with which she advocated for a living will. A health care power of attorney that designates a person to advocate for another individual is far more powerful.
The book is so readable and the story is heart breaking.
July 13, 2024
I found this book while looking for available books in my e-library. This was a topic I’d been thinking about lately so I chose it. It’s not just a dry list of things to do but also kind of a memoir of the author. It’s been the the push I needed to jump over the first hurdle to start getting my $#*+ together!
February 14, 2018
LOVED LOVED LOVED this quick, easy, funny read. (much better than her other two books)
I laughed out loud and changed my perspective on quite a few things : ) Thanks Chanel !
I laughed out loud and changed my perspective on quite a few things : ) Thanks Chanel !
September 4, 2019
I was in tears almost every 50 pages of the first half of this book. But then I couldn't finish the 2nd half bc of vacations and had to listen to the rest on audiobook. It definitely had a different vibe. So much so that I would highly rec you NOT listen to this book. Only read it. I may actually reread it soon just so I can finish it the way I wanted to, bc the audio version really didn't do it for me. The VO's tone was so matter of fact and not a hint of remorse or sadness or anything. Chanel's experience is so emotional and raw, even with so many years past it I got the sense that she is still very much in it every single day. As I can only imagine anyone dealing with such a traumatic blow would be. This is a smart woman who lived just like most of us--unprepared. I have followed her for years now and it's the reason why I'm currently printing out my upteenth ICE papers for my husband and mom to review. I'm sure there's a simplier way, but right now just having all our info in Google docs is my way of keeping my shit together. I'm always amazed that there are parents who don't have wills, don't have life insurance, or so many other things--but then I also understand that sometimes life just sneaks up on you and you always plan to do something sometime...and then bing, bang, boom sometimes hits you right in the face. To anyone reading this who hasn't gotten their shit together, please stop what you're doing right now and get this book or check out her site. It's so important. Not just for your sanity and well-being, but for your whole family (whether you have kids or not).
Edit: Finally reading the end bc I didn't like how the audio version treated this well-written book. I'm glad I am...it's already exactly how I remembered, while being helpful to my personal future of getting shit together.
Finished the 2nd time around and yeah, don't do the audiobook. It's not nearly as impactful. I almost shed a tear reading the acknowledgements! Her words are better read in your head than out loud by someone who is not her. Also, if I haven't said this enough...GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! Think your spouse can't get hit by a car? Does anyone in your family ride a bike in a city? Do you know anyone who hasn't experienced death? Come on, people! Get your wills already. Get your finances in order already. Get your passwords to your phone in a doc already. It'll take you a month from your life, a little here and a little there. Make a date out of it and go to a coffee shop with your loved one and talk about death...romantic, I know--but vital. Do you want the added stress of not knowing if your spouse has life insurance if/when s/he dies? The only stress you'll be able to handle is the stress of dealing with the death--anything more is way too much to deal with. Don't be silly. Turn off the Netflix and just get this important life stuff done. Please. Please!
Edit: Finally reading the end bc I didn't like how the audio version treated this well-written book. I'm glad I am...it's already exactly how I remembered, while being helpful to my personal future of getting shit together.
Finished the 2nd time around and yeah, don't do the audiobook. It's not nearly as impactful. I almost shed a tear reading the acknowledgements! Her words are better read in your head than out loud by someone who is not her. Also, if I haven't said this enough...GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! Think your spouse can't get hit by a car? Does anyone in your family ride a bike in a city? Do you know anyone who hasn't experienced death? Come on, people! Get your wills already. Get your finances in order already. Get your passwords to your phone in a doc already. It'll take you a month from your life, a little here and a little there. Make a date out of it and go to a coffee shop with your loved one and talk about death...romantic, I know--but vital. Do you want the added stress of not knowing if your spouse has life insurance if/when s/he dies? The only stress you'll be able to handle is the stress of dealing with the death--anything more is way too much to deal with. Don't be silly. Turn off the Netflix and just get this important life stuff done. Please. Please!
March 18, 2019
With every nerve ending splayed open and raw, Chanel Reynolds takes readers through the life altering tragedy of losing her husband José to a bicycle-auto accident. Reynold unabashedly shares every painful emotion, decision, and event through José's horrific week-long yet unsuccessful struggle to survive and the next four years of her own recovery. In alternating sections, Reynolds splices excellent self-help advice with aching grief narrative. Her no-bullshit advice - that we can all use - about death and dying and the preparation thereof, is sound and solid, contrasting poignantly with her roller coaster recovery from the tragedy of losing the husband she loved, father to their five-year-old son Gabi. The advice is not just for those struck by tragic loss of a spouse, but significant information we should all act on now.
November 24, 2019
More memoir than a guide to the important stuff.
Around page 160 or so there was a checklist of things to do and sign-on's, password, usernames, etc. to share with your partner. I saw this as a massive value, and the rest was just a book.
As explained, far too many people are not prepared to be hit by a car tomorrow - and that is a scary thing.
If you have a significant other, kids or both .... get to work and get prepared now.
The aftermath is tough and mistakes can occur when grieving and having to deal with these things.
Also, I had no idea about there being such a thing as a "digital power of attorney".
We live in a complex world.
Around page 160 or so there was a checklist of things to do and sign-on's, password, usernames, etc. to share with your partner. I saw this as a massive value, and the rest was just a book.
As explained, far too many people are not prepared to be hit by a car tomorrow - and that is a scary thing.
If you have a significant other, kids or both .... get to work and get prepared now.
The aftermath is tough and mistakes can occur when grieving and having to deal with these things.
Also, I had no idea about there being such a thing as a "digital power of attorney".
We live in a complex world.
January 2, 2021
The majority of this book focuses on the author's personal story of her husband's accident, traumatic medical care, and her grief in the year following his death, especially as the single parent of a young son. Well-written and quite sad, this part was impactful, although not at all what I was expecting in a book titled "Guide to Wills, Money, Insurance." The actual "checklists" in the book are extremely basic and the discussion sections on types of insurance, how to write an advance directive, etc. are no more thorough than anything you can find already free online.
May 28, 2020
You may not believe me, but I actually bought this book about a year and a half ago and now, when I really do need to get my shit together, it floated up to the top of my "to read" pile! I started following Chanel Reynolds' website and got on her email list about six years ago and was inspired to take some very baby steps at bringing together my personal / account information for Josh and downloading some fill-in-the-blank Texas will forms from the library. After a few years of not ever starting those will forms, we ended up paying a very nice lawyer to help us draft up our wills, advanced care directives, and medical power of attorney documents and OH MY GOD I'm so glad we did. Having to think about my will and advanced care directives while facing a stage IV cancer diagnosis would have been a much different thing than taking care of these when nothing more dire than just regular life was staring us down.
About the time we were getting our wills together, Reynolds announced that a book version of her story and shit-getting-together-advice was going to be published. I pre-ordered a copy right away.
In 2009 Reynolds got a call that her husband was in a bike accident and was hurt badly. He never came out of his coma, and she had to make the decision to take him off life support a week later and was left to take care of their young son with a huge mortgage, no savings, and a will that they had drawn up but never had signed or notarized. Over the coming years she retrospectively got shit together and then made a plan for the future, and then made her website to share the checklists and resources she gathered along the way.
This book has those checklists and resources covering legal documents, financial issues, insurance, grief, what the heck to do logistically when someone you love dies, and other important topics, but it is also, movingly, a deeply personal memoir of her experience with her husband's death and the aftermath. Reynolds is an engaging and funny reader who doesn't pull punches with her grief, her mis-steps, and her lack of cut and dry answers.
I may have a diagnosis that is making me think of these things more strongly than others, but EVERYONE should take some steps to get their affairs in order and make plans for the big "what if's" in life. This book is a great place to start, as is the website (https://getyourshittogether.org/ -- especially the checklist and recommends sections)
[Finally: No matter what, you should absolutely get a will drawn up -- especially if you have kids, aren't married to your partner, or have special wishes or needs, but, honestly, even if you are a single person without much stuff. Download those forms from the library and actually fill them out (or pay a lawyer some money to get yourself to actually do it like I did). We can all go at any time and this is a not-that-hard thing you can do to make it a little easier for your friends and family.]
About the time we were getting our wills together, Reynolds announced that a book version of her story and shit-getting-together-advice was going to be published. I pre-ordered a copy right away.
In 2009 Reynolds got a call that her husband was in a bike accident and was hurt badly. He never came out of his coma, and she had to make the decision to take him off life support a week later and was left to take care of their young son with a huge mortgage, no savings, and a will that they had drawn up but never had signed or notarized. Over the coming years she retrospectively got shit together and then made a plan for the future, and then made her website to share the checklists and resources she gathered along the way.
This book has those checklists and resources covering legal documents, financial issues, insurance, grief, what the heck to do logistically when someone you love dies, and other important topics, but it is also, movingly, a deeply personal memoir of her experience with her husband's death and the aftermath. Reynolds is an engaging and funny reader who doesn't pull punches with her grief, her mis-steps, and her lack of cut and dry answers.
I may have a diagnosis that is making me think of these things more strongly than others, but EVERYONE should take some steps to get their affairs in order and make plans for the big "what if's" in life. This book is a great place to start, as is the website (https://getyourshittogether.org/ -- especially the checklist and recommends sections)
[Finally: No matter what, you should absolutely get a will drawn up -- especially if you have kids, aren't married to your partner, or have special wishes or needs, but, honestly, even if you are a single person without much stuff. Download those forms from the library and actually fill them out (or pay a lawyer some money to get yourself to actually do it like I did). We can all go at any time and this is a not-that-hard thing you can do to make it a little easier for your friends and family.]
September 6, 2022
This book is a guide for dealing with the technical side of death. In the event of a crisis, here are some of the take-aways:
1. create a plan for what to do with the kids
2. call one or two main people and pick one of them to make the calls to the rest of the people
3. let that point person know to remind others that all calls and texts/well wishes will go through them and they will give the updates and not to contact me.
4. At a time of crisis she recommends “Save your energy, don’t do anything that isn’t helpful or necessary.”
5. Know your life insurance number/company information
Helpful things a friend can offer to do:
1. kids need to be fed/dropped off to appointments
2. dishes
3. laundry
4. pet care
5. housecleaning
6. food/grocery delivery
7. Water plants
8. Suggest researching grief resources
9. Schedule walks with your friend to get out of the house
10. Send a “thinking of you” on every anniversary
11. Take the kids to the movies/park.
12. Arrange or offer home repair
13. Book and pay for a massage.
14. Gather and sort mail
15. Babysit/Do homework with kids
16. Keep showing up, grief does not end.
17. Make phone calls for
18. Come over and cook.
Things to go over about a service for you or a loved one:
1. What kind of service would be most meaningful to the person who has died?
2. What would be the most meaningful to those who are grieving?
3. What type of service?
4. Location?
5. Attendees- how to notify people?
Things to figure out with a spouse
1. Life insurance info.
2. Go over above about service
3. Make a will and put it somewhere safe
4. go over bills, passwords, link all credit cards together so the auto pay bills can keep going
5. Budget/put everything on one credit card to make it easier to track everything
4. “$33 billion in unclaimed assets is being held by state treasuries and government agencies.” “Anyone who has had a sucky credit score knows the pain it causes-you can get turned down for a home or car loan, your rental application goes to the bottom of the pile, and at the very least, you have to pay a lot more in interest in credit cards and even in car-insurance premiums.” The executor should notify the 3 big credit- reporting agencies: equifax, experience and trans union.
Trigger warning: One of my clients’ husband was riding his bike and an older person blew through a red light. It left him paralyzed. His wife and daughter slowly started inching away from him when his negative mindset made him even more disgruntled and negative after the accident. He ended up raising the money for a new electric chair and then drove it into the river and killed himself. This is a true story, you can’t make this shit up. Crap can happen to anyone. Having a plan in place can ease some of the burden of the randomness of life. Reading this book makes me feel better about death and about being able to be a better friend to someone who is going through grief. I’m so glad this book was written.
1. create a plan for what to do with the kids
2. call one or two main people and pick one of them to make the calls to the rest of the people
3. let that point person know to remind others that all calls and texts/well wishes will go through them and they will give the updates and not to contact me.
4. At a time of crisis she recommends “Save your energy, don’t do anything that isn’t helpful or necessary.”
5. Know your life insurance number/company information
Helpful things a friend can offer to do:
1. kids need to be fed/dropped off to appointments
2. dishes
3. laundry
4. pet care
5. housecleaning
6. food/grocery delivery
7. Water plants
8. Suggest researching grief resources
9. Schedule walks with your friend to get out of the house
10. Send a “thinking of you” on every anniversary
11. Take the kids to the movies/park.
12. Arrange or offer home repair
13. Book and pay for a massage.
14. Gather and sort mail
15. Babysit/Do homework with kids
16. Keep showing up, grief does not end.
17. Make phone calls for
18. Come over and cook.
Things to go over about a service for you or a loved one:
1. What kind of service would be most meaningful to the person who has died?
2. What would be the most meaningful to those who are grieving?
3. What type of service?
4. Location?
5. Attendees- how to notify people?
Things to figure out with a spouse
1. Life insurance info.
2. Go over above about service
3. Make a will and put it somewhere safe
4. go over bills, passwords, link all credit cards together so the auto pay bills can keep going
5. Budget/put everything on one credit card to make it easier to track everything
4. “$33 billion in unclaimed assets is being held by state treasuries and government agencies.” “Anyone who has had a sucky credit score knows the pain it causes-you can get turned down for a home or car loan, your rental application goes to the bottom of the pile, and at the very least, you have to pay a lot more in interest in credit cards and even in car-insurance premiums.” The executor should notify the 3 big credit- reporting agencies: equifax, experience and trans union.
Trigger warning: One of my clients’ husband was riding his bike and an older person blew through a red light. It left him paralyzed. His wife and daughter slowly started inching away from him when his negative mindset made him even more disgruntled and negative after the accident. He ended up raising the money for a new electric chair and then drove it into the river and killed himself. This is a true story, you can’t make this shit up. Crap can happen to anyone. Having a plan in place can ease some of the burden of the randomness of life. Reading this book makes me feel better about death and about being able to be a better friend to someone who is going through grief. I’m so glad this book was written.
December 12, 2025
In an attempt to get my shit together, I took this book out from the Brooklyn Public Library. My goal was to brush up on estate planning. While there are checklists, to-do lists, surveys, guides, etc., to wills, money, insurance, and some of life's "what-ifs," I was surprised to find that all of this essential information is provided as small chapter add-ons to the story of why Chanel Reynolds is such an expert in all of this. It turns out that she lost her husband, Jose, to a tragic bicycle accident in 2009 when she was 39 years old. Jose had a daughter, Lyric, by an earlier relationship, who lived with them on alternate weeks, and a son, Gabe, with Chanel, who was five at the time. Much of the book delves into Chanel's and her children's reaction to this horrific event in its immediate aftermath and how they dealt with the grief in the longer term. This framing has its advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, for someone who just wanted the essential information, this extra emotionally laden story might appear unnecessary and inessential. Moreover, Chanel, as much as she deserves sympathy, is a strong personality and may not be everyone's cup of tea. She was not always kind or patient with those around her, which, given her circumstances, is understandable. On the other hand, without this story, the book would be rather drab and dull. I read and made mental notes of the exercises, but will not actually do them, partly because you cannot write in a library book, but more truthfully, because I will never quite get my shit together. But reading this book is a minor step in the right direction.
October 26, 2020
What Matters Most turned out to be a very different book from what I was expected. I had marked it as a to-read book a few years ago when I first started thinking about trying to get my shit together in terms of end-of-life documents, but seeing as how the prospect of writing a will and deciding what constitutes quality of life seems like a real downer, I've successfully ignored this to-do item until now. But something about being in the midst of a pandemic had finally given me the kick to at least start the process, and so I decided to finally read this book, expecting some handy lists and tips.
And while it has all of these things, it is much more of a memoir than a how-to book, which I did not expect. The memoir is beautifully written and heart-wrenching and had me in tears on several different occasions, in the best of ways, but also does an excellent job of reminding you to DO IT NOW because you might not be around forever. What I love is how she talks about the need to define quality of life not just for the end of life, but right now, and have it be something you regularly checked in with yourself about. Starting with that makes it easier to think about how this idea of life will progress, and what might matter most in the end.
And while it has all of these things, it is much more of a memoir than a how-to book, which I did not expect. The memoir is beautifully written and heart-wrenching and had me in tears on several different occasions, in the best of ways, but also does an excellent job of reminding you to DO IT NOW because you might not be around forever. What I love is how she talks about the need to define quality of life not just for the end of life, but right now, and have it be something you regularly checked in with yourself about. Starting with that makes it easier to think about how this idea of life will progress, and what might matter most in the end.
May 2, 2019
I first read Chanel Reynold's story a few years ago. She discovered that she didn't "have her shit together" at all when her husband was killed in a bike accident, leaving her with their 5 year old son without will, in too big a house, not knowing what sort of insurance she had. As she manouvered her grief and the paperwork, it occurred to her that her research could help others get the shit together before Death, Diagnosis Disability or other Disaster caught them, so she started a website (getyourshittogether.org) offering all her checklists and new-found wisdom—which I duly downloaded, and ignored. When I saw she'd put it all in a book, I got it—and now we've found a lawyer who will help us with the paperwork, and we're seriously talking about, "If you should go first..."
I really recommend getting the book and using it.
BTW, she's now teamed up with someone else who has a similar website, which doesn't just have checklists but very helpful online forms, including emergency calls.
Get the book and start working with the website, ASAP, not sometime next year, or when you're 'older'. No excuses. You will make life much easier for whoever needs to pick it all up.
I really recommend getting the book and using it.
BTW, she's now teamed up with someone else who has a similar website, which doesn't just have checklists but very helpful online forms, including emergency calls.
Get the book and start working with the website, ASAP, not sometime next year, or when you're 'older'. No excuses. You will make life much easier for whoever needs to pick it all up.
May 11, 2019
Disclaimer: I received a free review copy of this title from the publisher.
The larger part of What Matters Most consists of Reynolds’ memoir about her husband’s accident, the decision to remove medical support, and the fall-out from his death. She is brutally honest about the mistakes they unwittingly made in the nine years of their marriage leading up to it, as well as her struggles in the days, weeks, and even years that followed. Grief is a strange country, but Reynolds takes us there vividly, through all the wild ups and downs, and unexpected turns of such a loss. This account also follows her into single motherhood, and through picking up the pieces of her life, and having to imagine an entirely new future for herself and their son. Her style is forthright, and occasionally irreverent, but still very affecting; she had me in tears more than once. The memoir portion stands well on its own and is worth reading quite apart from the advice Reynolds also provides. more
The larger part of What Matters Most consists of Reynolds’ memoir about her husband’s accident, the decision to remove medical support, and the fall-out from his death. She is brutally honest about the mistakes they unwittingly made in the nine years of their marriage leading up to it, as well as her struggles in the days, weeks, and even years that followed. Grief is a strange country, but Reynolds takes us there vividly, through all the wild ups and downs, and unexpected turns of such a loss. This account also follows her into single motherhood, and through picking up the pieces of her life, and having to imagine an entirely new future for herself and their son. Her style is forthright, and occasionally irreverent, but still very affecting; she had me in tears more than once. The memoir portion stands well on its own and is worth reading quite apart from the advice Reynolds also provides. more
August 4, 2019
Create a cell list of emergency contacts in your favorites
Fill in your phone's "in case of emergency" (ICE)info/default emergency settings
ICE plan with family
"We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart." --Pema Chodron
"The beneficiary beats the will."
"How alive can I be?
How much better can I get?
What is most important to me?
What is unacceptable?
How do I describe being able to meaningfully engage in the world?
How do I define my quality of life now?
What does home look like now?"
"Did I want to sell the house? Yes.
Did I have some apprehension that I might regret it in the future? Yes.
Should I let doubt and possible future regret stop me from moving forward the best way I know how, with the information I have right now? No! God, no."
chanelreynolds.com
Fill in your phone's "in case of emergency" (ICE)info/default emergency settings
ICE plan with family
"We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart." --Pema Chodron
"The beneficiary beats the will."
"How alive can I be?
How much better can I get?
What is most important to me?
What is unacceptable?
How do I describe being able to meaningfully engage in the world?
How do I define my quality of life now?
What does home look like now?"
"Did I want to sell the house? Yes.
Did I have some apprehension that I might regret it in the future? Yes.
Should I let doubt and possible future regret stop me from moving forward the best way I know how, with the information I have right now? No! God, no."
chanelreynolds.com
May 11, 2019
#partner @harperwave @tlcbooktours
When Reynold's husband was tragically killed in a bicycle accident, she quickly realized that they didn't have their sh*t together (regarding wills, medical decisions, and estate planning)! From that experience, Reynolds set up a website and wrote this book to help people have the tough conversations in order to be as prepared as possible should tragedy also strike their families.
While I enjoyed this book very much, it didn't have as much as the logistical information I was hoping for. My husband and I are in the midst of updating our wills so I was hoping to get better information for that process. This read more like a memoir to me...so in that respect, it was very good. As a guide to getting your sh*t together though, it fell short for me.
When Reynold's husband was tragically killed in a bicycle accident, she quickly realized that they didn't have their sh*t together (regarding wills, medical decisions, and estate planning)! From that experience, Reynolds set up a website and wrote this book to help people have the tough conversations in order to be as prepared as possible should tragedy also strike their families.
While I enjoyed this book very much, it didn't have as much as the logistical information I was hoping for. My husband and I are in the midst of updating our wills so I was hoping to get better information for that process. This read more like a memoir to me...so in that respect, it was very good. As a guide to getting your sh*t together though, it fell short for me.
July 27, 2019
Although I found some of the use of profanity to be ineffective and diminish the author's writing this is a powerful book for those who need a swift kick to get going on their financial/estate planning.
In a family or couple, one is going to die before another in all likelihood. Families with children do not have the time to contemplate many of the things she discusses in her book but her story will convince you to make the time and put it in line above other things on your list.
The author comes from a privileged background and it was a jolt for her to lose her husband in a bike accident and to be suddenly thrust into the role of single mother. She was fortunate to have means and friends who were willing to show up and help her in this rough time but the emotions and stress come in any socioeconomic strata.
Much of this book is her story that illustrates the emotions and frustrations one can feel if they are not prepared for what may come next or how these end-of-life things are handled. Our culture is divorced from end of life and is not serving us well. We expect miracles from medicine and doctors who feel they are failures if they can't save a life, no matter what the quality of life may be afterwards.
Reynolds takes her readers through her experiences and details things many will not have thought about. I felt the book could have been better edited and polished in places but such is the nature of the publishing business these days. This is an important book that many people with young chidlren who don't have the time should read and act upon. A long wait list at the library should tell you how important a topic this book tackles.
In a family or couple, one is going to die before another in all likelihood. Families with children do not have the time to contemplate many of the things she discusses in her book but her story will convince you to make the time and put it in line above other things on your list.
The author comes from a privileged background and it was a jolt for her to lose her husband in a bike accident and to be suddenly thrust into the role of single mother. She was fortunate to have means and friends who were willing to show up and help her in this rough time but the emotions and stress come in any socioeconomic strata.
Much of this book is her story that illustrates the emotions and frustrations one can feel if they are not prepared for what may come next or how these end-of-life things are handled. Our culture is divorced from end of life and is not serving us well. We expect miracles from medicine and doctors who feel they are failures if they can't save a life, no matter what the quality of life may be afterwards.
Reynolds takes her readers through her experiences and details things many will not have thought about. I felt the book could have been better edited and polished in places but such is the nature of the publishing business these days. This is an important book that many people with young chidlren who don't have the time should read and act upon. A long wait list at the library should tell you how important a topic this book tackles.
July 29, 2019
Chanel Reynolds' story might be both the most difficult and the most important book you ever read. With unflinching honesty and raw emotion, she details what happens after her husband is fatally injured in a bicycle accident. She finds they hadn't adequately planned for a worst case scenario and that made the aftermath more complicated then it should have been. Since his death, she's made it her mission to help others be better prepared. The book includes checklists and vital information about the conversations, decisions, and legal paperwork you need in place if (or when) the worst happens. FYI: the book contains profanity, graphic medical descriptions, heart wrenching emotion and the kick-in-the-butt you may need to finally get that paperwork done.
November 18, 2020
This book is part memoir of the author losing her husband suddenly, and part a guide to preparing for your own death so that your family isn't scrambling to figure everything out. I think this is especially good for people with spouses and/or children, but for anyone, it raises the questions of what you should put in place in the event that you die or even, if you're incapacitated. Does someone have the passcode to your phone? What do you define as quality of life? Do you have a list of all of your accounts and financial documents? Are beneficiaries set up on each of your accounts, and are they up to date? It's a tough set of things to think about, but as she says more than once in the book, the actually doing of the things isn't that difficult.
April 10, 2019
A gut wrenching book about getting your financial life in order. I dare you to read this and not need to organize all your stuff in case the worst happens. Chanel and her husband Jose didn't expect tragedy and neither do most Americans, but it's going to happen to someone. You might as well be prepared just in case. The only thing I didn't like about this book is that I prefer books you are supposed to write in to be more of a workbook format, but I can understand for ease of storytelling that this style was picked.
August 10, 2020
Description of her husbands death in accident, surgery and not waking up from coma - deeply traumatizing account, but she'd be one advocate everyone should have in their corner. Advice on what kind of papers and procedures to have in place as foresight. Her intelligence, spirit and strong social network give her clear insights on course of grief pictured in the tattoos she got: "Breathe-you're Alive", a wave as symbol of grief washing over her periodically even years later, the fish diving deep where the waters are calmer, and a sun as reminder of warmth and life.
May 1, 2021
This is most definitely what I would consider a genre hybrid. Part self-help, part memoir this book is emotional, informative, and compellingly readable. Reynolds pulls no punches and recounts her husband's accident, death, and her grief in a raw, vulnerable, and completely honest way. It definitely gave me some ideas of things I should be doing to be prepared and also gave me an idea of questions and conversations I should be having with family members, so I'm not blindsided if something unexpected happens. I definitely would recommend this book to pretty much everyone.
November 17, 2021
I actually listened to this one on audible, rather than reading it. Although I’d actually recommend reading it, and even buying a copy, as there are a lot of lists and other helpful tools you’ll want to refer back to. Lucky for me the audio version comes with a pdf reference guide I was able to download.
This book rated 5 stars for me because it’s had been a game changer for me. Something about this book resonates deeply with me and finally inspired me to do as the title suggests and get my shit together. I really appreciate this book and definitely recommend it.
This book rated 5 stars for me because it’s had been a game changer for me. Something about this book resonates deeply with me and finally inspired me to do as the title suggests and get my shit together. I really appreciate this book and definitely recommend it.
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