The Motherhood

by Jamila Rizvi (Editor)

'Welcome to The Motherhood, my dear.'

After her son was born, Jamila Rizvi felt isolated, exhausted and confused. While desperately in love with her new baby, the world she'd known had disappeared overnight and so had her sense of self.

Jamila's salvation came in the form of a letter. A dear friend, Clare Bowditch - who had been there herself - wrote to tell Jamila she would get through this. Her comforting words reassured Jamila that she was seen, that she was supported and that she was not alone.

Now Jamila wants to pay it forward to the next generation of new mothers. The Motherhood is a collection of letters from some of Australia's favourite women, sharing what they wish they'd known about life with a newborn. Coming from writers with a diverse range of backgrounds and experiences, no two stories are alike - but all are generous, compassionate and deeply honest.

As the old adage goes, 'It takes a village to raise a child' - and it also takes a village to properly support a new mother. Here is your village. These sisters (with babes) in arms are here to share the joy, the fear, the love, the laughter, the tears and the frustration, and to hold your hand in the dark.

Together, they will give you the strength and courage to find your feet as a new mum.

Full list of participating writers, as per book cover:
Rebecca Sparrow, Zoë Foster Blake, Clementine Ford, Alys Gagnon, Jessica Rudd, Kumi Taguchi, Anna Rose, Nicky Champ, Sarah Harris, Jo Stanley, Emma Macdonald, Em Rusciano, Erin O'Neill, Janine Shepherd, Carla Gee, Jen Clark, Kirstie Innes-Will, Bronwyn McCahon, Felicity Harley, Lanai Scarr, Karen Pickering, Nareen Young, Gorgi Coghlan, Katie 'Monty' Dimond, Laura Chalmers, Georgina Dent, Kara Keys, Alissa Warren, Clare O'Neil, Holly Wainwright and Clare Bowditch.

Genres: Nonfiction, Parenting, Audiobook, Feminism, Memoir, Essays

275 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2018

Reviews

[Jade Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I’ve ever read. Perfect for my current season. I sobbed and I laughed. This book has put into words how I felt in the first few months of welcoming my beautiful girl into the world. This book has given me closure & reminded me I am not alone in a time that often feels incredibly isolating. A must read for any new mumma 🩷

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. As is to be expected in a collection of personal letters, some of them I very strongly related to, and others not at all. An interesting opportunity to learn from the reflective hindsights of others but for the most part I was only moderately interested or felt as though the authors were alluding to interesting experiences but skimming over the details that would have given life to their stories. It’s a bit like reading something riddled with inside jokes whose establishment you weren’t part of and isn’t explained to you.

[Julia Tulloh Harper · Rating 3 out of 5]

This collection of letters, written by Australian women to their former selves about what they wish they'd known when they first had a newborn baby, was a good read, though perhaps not a life-changing one. I found the overall impression helpful. The main takeaway I got was that new mums aren't alone, and it will get easier, and it will become glorious. All great and wise things that I needed (still need!) to hear. A couple of real gems stood out, particularly Clem Ford's very practical guide to dealing with breastfeeding stress, motherly intuition, and fear of failure; Kara Keys' description of postnatal depression (Keys also had the most experimental writing style, which really worked for her subject matter); and Carla Gee's experiences of racial microaggressions in the hospital. All the letters were good, however unfortunately many of them blurred together a bit for me, which I think was a result of the letter-format. The tone of most of the letters was similar because of the nature of writing to yourself - the sentence structure is always 'you this' and 'you that' - eg. 'You will be tired! You will be sore! You will argue with your partner! Your boobs will be massive!' which, though accurate, sounds very repetitive after a while. Also, I think having so many contributors (and hence short word counts) meant that some specificity got lost in the telling of personal experience... for example, I did know already that I would be tired after the baby came. What I didn't know was how to find time to shower or go the to toilet or make lunch, and so more details, and perhaps practical advice would have been useful. That said, on an emotional level, I probably would have found reading this during the first six weeks of motherhood really encouraging. Maybe I'm already seeing that newborn period through a rose tinted haze!

[J O R D Y N · Rating 5 out of 5]

They should give every new mother this at their 7-day checkup.

[Amy Polyreader · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was an excellent idea, and I'm sure will bring comfort and unity to many new Mothers around the globe. Some letters stood well above others for me in terms of enjoyment, which could be subjective or could be to do with writing ability - or perhaps both. I will certainly re-read this one when I have a newborn of my own.

[Katie (IG: katie.reads.things) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having a baby was one of the hardest things I've ever done. In an instant, I went from being a capable, independent woman to an uncertain, emotional mess. I was completely overwhelmed by this tiny, baffling new human, and unsure whether I would ever remember how to be me again. This is the book I wish I'd had during that strange, sleepless, newborn fog. The brilliant Jamila Rizvi has gathered some of Australia's favourite women and asked them to write letters to their new-mum selves. Their stories are heartwarming and emotional; I laughed, cried and almost (almost!) missed having a tiny newborn in my arms. Most importantly, this book feels like a giant hug, a huge "welcome" from all those who have gone before, and left me with an overwhelming sense that no matter how lonely those long, sleepless nights were, I would never be alone on this crazy ride. So never mind all those books that try to tell you how to make the baby sleep (because let's face it, he's not going to sleep no matter what you read) - this is the book for the new mum in your life. And if that new mum is you, well then (to borrow from Jamila): welcome to The Motherhood, my dear

[Emma Strettell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious, raw and utterly comforting.

[Jessica Sadler · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book every new Mum should read before they welcome their child into the world. Real, raw and informative of the vast experiences with a newborn.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great collection of writing by Australian women about the earth-shattering, life-changing impact of the arrival of a new baby. While all the pieces share a common sense of upheaval and adjustment, there is enough diversity in the writers' experiences, or in what they've chosen to focus on, that the book doesn't seem repetitive or to be covering the same ground repeatedly. As in any collection of this type, some pieces were better than others, but all were worth reading. There were plenty of times I saw my own experiences reflected in the writing.

There were many moments in the book that saw me nodding or saying 'yes, me too', but my favourite quote came from the contribution of politician Clare O'Neil:

'Good parenting isn't about what happens in these [dark] moments. It's not the grumpy outburst or terribly crap day that matters. It's the big stuff that counts: loving your child, nurturing your relationship, being there for your family.'

[Elly Griffin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some super relatable and well written stories, some not so much. I think there will be a nugget for every new mum in here though.

[Sally Hillis · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best book for any new Mummas during that initial postpartum period, especially after the newborn fuss has weaned off but the new Mum overwhelm is strong. I found the individual chapters were the perfect length for reading on the go and the content provided me with reassurance and validation when I needed it the most.
A great gift idea too!

[Indy Scarletti (paperindy) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a wonderful collection of essays for postpartum mums. And such a perfect format for that time too - easy to dip in and out of one essay, or read aloud to your baby.

[Tyshana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have adored this book in my first 6 months postpartum. It felt like a friend sitting on my coffee table ready to validate everything for me.

[Jazz Brewis · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75

[Kim Tee Em · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was exactly what I needed to read as a new mum. These various womens experiences resonated with me and made me feel seen at my most vulnerable.

[Chloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

An eye opener, as a new mum to be I found the variety of stories and experiences shared in this series of letters equally amazing, empowering and also fear inducing! I was gifted this book and definitely think it's a good read... Will probably read again once the kid has arrived so I can compare notes with these women.

[Clare B · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this collection featuring some of my favourite writers - fabulous women who show power in honesty and vulnerability. Will definitely be purchasing for friends who are or about to become new mothers!

[Claire Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this. Worked well in that all the writers are giving advice to their past selves so it wasn’t suggesting that any one bit of advice would necessarily be right for the reader, but still consists of lots of great advice to keep in mind should it end up being relevant. God mastitis sounds shit... I will also keep in mind that the first 3 months are probably gonna suuuuck but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Lots of hope in this one.

[Eimile Hewitt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Shed a tear or two listening to this as an audiobook every morning in those 3am feeds figuring out newborn mum life. Although some women's stories of newborn life I couldnt resonnate with, others made me feel so seen and all are a gift to share their personal experience!

[Steph · Rating 4 out of 5]

As the parent of a 15-month-old, I’ve emerged out the other side of the newborn-tsunami, but gosh it was hard. This book strikes a good balance of reality and empathy: it’s so much harder than you thought, but you’ll get through it.

I found it interesting to see what aspects of early-parenthood were near-universal (everyone says expressing milk makes them feel like a cow) and what were vastly divergent (mothers reassuring their former selves to trust their instincts vs warning that those instincts are a myth... I’m in Camp B: thank god for books and feminist-mums Facebook groups because most of my instincts were useless).

What each author has in common (other than being a Mum) is that they’re all super high-achievers, which some women may not relate to but for me it was reassuring: “well if that’s how they feel, surely it’s ok for ‘normal’ women too”. Also, hearing from career-oriented women was a good balance from the many, many parenting books that assume that all mums are home fulltime and all dads work fulltime (eugh). It emphasises that being career-oriented doesn’t make you any less of a mum. It was similarly reassuring to include a non-biological mother in the mix, since we so often get forgotten!

I very clearly remember a conversation a decade ago with an older colleague who said that for her the hardest thing about having a newborn was that it was the first time in her life where her vast work experience was not just useless but made parenting harder - because she was used to being in control and being successful, and there’s no such thing as being in control of a newborn, and “success” is fleeting, relative and often invisible. She also said the first six months are hard and you just feel stressed and possibly sad all the time, and then it gets easier.

For me, this conversation was the most useful one I had in preparing for parenthood. And now, prospective mothers don’t need to individually find wise colleagues to share these two crucial pieces of information; they’ve got this book. It’s an important book to exist and I’m glad it does.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Preparing to join The Motherhood myself next month I found this book terrifying but comforting. It seems nothing can really prepare you for the first three months, but that it will all be worth it. Ultimately, these searingly honest accounts have helped to ground me and manage my expectations, even if they have left me a little nervous about coping with the sleeplessness and pain of breastfeeding. I was given this book in a “pay it forward” arrangement and will be looking to do the same for one of my four currently pregnant friends and work colleagues. Added bonus, proceeds of the book go to CARE Australia, helping mothers in third world countries.

[Mel · Rating 5 out of 5]

32 Australian women write letters to their past selves about what they wish they’d known as new mums.

Books rarely make me cry but I bawled my way through the entirety of this collection of essays/letters. I dearly wish I’d read it in the weeks or months after Maddy was born, when I felt so utterly alone, so inadequate, so lost. Having never been particularly baby-oriented, I was woefully unprepared for how brutal and yet also mind-numbingly dull new motherhood turned out to be, and reading this collection was almost cathartic. Everyone’s experience is unique, but there is also a commonality to it that comes through thanks to the raw honesty of these women - the shock that you’re just allowed to take this tiny helpless human home, the isolation in those first weeks (whether or not you have good support around you), the feeling totally unprepared, the confusion at how such a tiny baby with such tiny clothes produces so much washing, the feeling of your brain being total mush, the loss of your sense of self, the struggle of not feeling good enough, that everyone else is managing and you are just flailing around, the not being able to think straight because you’re sleep-deprived. The tag-line on the cover has overtones of a how-to guide, which this is not - it’s very much about the brutal experience of new motherhood (in an anglophone Western societal context), and I think most struggling new mothers could find some solace in at least one of these women’s experiences. It’s worth noting that they are all biological mums, bar one, whose wife carried their child - this collection may not resonate as strongly for those embarking on other forms of motherhood. I realise that this review paints a bleak picture of the first weeks of motherhood - it’s not (mostly), it’s just that the moments of joy aren’t the ones that leave you feeling despair and desperation. A cathartic collection of raw mini-essays around the challenges facing first-time mothers, which left me feeling reassured that I wasn’t alone in my bewildering experience of isolation and inadequacy.

[Izzy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rating: 3.5 stars
I really enjoyed parts of this book, so beautifully written by different women who have had all had unique experiences of birth and motherhood. I was particularly moved by the experiences of Carla Gee, Karen Pickering and Kara Keys, all whose vulnerability allowed me further insight into the newborn stage.
The only reason why I marked this 3.5 instead of say, 4 stars, is because I realised many of the women invited to write were tv hosts, journalists or successful politicians. Whilst I enjoyed learning from their perspective, it is perhaps a bit disconnected from the lived experiences of other Australian women. It didn't really account for the experiences of women from diverse backgrounds where cultural or spiritual traditions are important in this stage of life, additionally, this book is tailored for middle-class and upper-class women, with some in the book even having live-in au pairs.. I really struggled with this, considering MANY families don't have this luxury.. also, almost all women in this book stated they had husbands or boyfriends, and didn't consider women who give birth as single mums. I think the only element of intersectionality was one same-sex couple (Jen & Kirstie), which I was very appreciative to hear their experience but wished there were more stories which were inclusive

[Hannah Rappell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent and valuable complication of non-fiction motherhood stories. They are especially useful for new mothers, but will resonate with anyone who has been a mum or knows a mum. Rizvi has collated a variety of Australian motherhood experiences and perspectives, ensuring diverse voices are given represention.

The conceit of the letter to past self is such a useful tool for not only ensuring the individual writers' stories and conclusions are not presented as a didactic roadmap to success, but also inviting the reader to their own process introspection. In Rizvi's introduction, she states that she sets out to create a sense of friendship through this book, and she absolutely achieves it. It might be the intimacy the writers permit, it might be the very nature of the content itself, but it really does feel like spending time with old friends who are honest and gracious.

I read this book after my second boy was born and I wish I had it for my first baby. My own story resonated with so many of these writers, especially Holly Wainwright's chapter near the end. And for those who had a different story to me, I enjoyed the candour, humour and solidarity.

Content warning: some chapters contain discussion of pregnancy loss and post-partum depression/anxiety

[Brenna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cliché buuut god I could relate to ALL OF THIS so hard at the moment! Newborns are relentless! And thankfully this series of letters comes in funny easily digestible bite sizes so that my tired midnight zombie brain could actually take in what it was reading.

There is something in here for all families that have recently been invaded by a new tiny human. And the best part is it's not about giving baby advice (you have enough of that shoved down your throat!) bur rather providing your doubting self affirmation that yes, this period in time can really suck but it is fleeting and special, but mostly fleeting! And no, you're not the only new mum on parenting forums at 3am trying to determine if your child's feeding regime is 'normal' for a 6 week old. Mostly it reaffirms what you're just starting to really figure out at 6 weeks - trust your gut, no baby is textbook and be kind to yourself.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Motherhood is a collection of letters written by Australian mothers to their past selves. It was inspired by Jamila’s friend writing her a long text while she was struggling, and Jamila wanting to help other women in the same way. Some talk about the birth, others the early days of having a baby, some their first child and others subsequent children. One woman even has triplets!

It was interesting to read different women’s experiences of motherhood and how they felt. Because the letters are written to their past selves there’s the benefit of hindsight, that things don’t stay hard. I think this is good at giving hope, as many of the women talk of their struggles in the early days of parenting. The letters definitely made parenting sound difficult (sometimes incredibly so!) but also spoke of the love they have for their children and the positive difference it’s made in their lives.

[Bookworm · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was given this book by a friend in preparation for motherhood.

This book is a collection of letters from mothers to their old selves. It focuses on the experiences of new mothers mainly in the first 6 to 12 weeks of motherhood.

The women in the book talk about the various challenges they faced, from childbirth complications to breastfeeding difficulties, sleep deprivation, exhaustion, postnatal depression, identity crisis and isolation, as well as the deep and transforming love they experienced for their baby.

These women's accounts are eye-opening, especially for anyone with an idealised image of motherhood. At the same time, they offer hope in that the difficulties of the first few weeks and months of caring for a newborn will pass and motherhood gets easier and more fulfilling.

[Emma Bell · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolute must read for new mums - in the early days/weeks once you’ve had Bub, but probably not recommended beforehand as it likely won’t have the same impact. I had a rough experience myself - both during the birth and in the first few months with our newborn baby, and thankfully a couple of girls I went to school with highly recommended The Motherhood to me after I posted a bit of a ‘cry for help’ post on social media. And after reading this book I only wish I’d found it earlier as it really validated my feelings / experiences and helped me to understand we all go through hardships in one way or another in the early days. A brilliant read that I am so grateful for. A big Thank You to the author and to all the contributors.

[Rainy · Rating 4 out of 5]

An enjoyable read for expectant and current mothers in particular, have to admit that it was nice to see the focus on the Australian perspective and experience even though parenthood is universal. Often motherhood and parenthood is portrayed in media as always being the most incredible, happy experience (which I am sure it is as well) but in reality it is probably also one of the hardest and taxing (both mentally and physically) journeys we can take. It was refreshing to see the honest and sometimes negative experiences each story described, though through it all the message is still how incredibly rewarding it is. A raw and emotional view into some very personal stories but grounded very much in reality.

[Valerie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A collection of letters to past selves by Australian women about the first few weeks of motherhood. I found it comforting overall and enjoyable. Was thinking of gifting it to some pregnant friends but it really is a raw and honest read and although I believe in the truth....I’m just not sure this would comfort anyone who has not a baby yet... although I think maybe that is the point? Regardless, I enjoyed the letters, especially by Holly Wainwright and Alys Gagnon particularly. A lovely collection and a really smart idea by the collator, Jamila Rizvi.