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The Magnanimous Heart: Compassion and Love, Loss and Grief, Joy and Liberation
In her long-awaited debut, a beloved master teacher shows us how to move from the “constant squeeze” of suffering to a direct experience of enoughness.
The magnanimous heart is a heart of balance and buoyancy, of generosity and inclusivity. It allows us to approach each moment exactly as it is, in a fresh and alive way free from agendas and “shoulds,” receiving all that arises. It has the capacity to hold anything and everything, transforming even vulnerability and grief into workable assets.
In writing evocative of Pema Chödrön’s, Narayan Helen Liebenson teaches us exactly how it is possible to turn the sting and anguish of loss into a path of liberation—the deep joy, peace, and happiness within our own hearts that exists beyond mere circumstances.
The Magnanimous Heart shows us how to skillfully respond to painful human emotions through the art of meditative inquiry, or questioning wisely. Readers will learn how to live from a compassionate love that guides our lives and warms whatever it shines upon.
With metta and compassion as companions and allies, we discover how our own magnanimous hearts can gently allow the inner knots to untie themselves.
The magnanimous heart is a heart of balance and buoyancy, of generosity and inclusivity. It allows us to approach each moment exactly as it is, in a fresh and alive way free from agendas and “shoulds,” receiving all that arises. It has the capacity to hold anything and everything, transforming even vulnerability and grief into workable assets.
In writing evocative of Pema Chödrön’s, Narayan Helen Liebenson teaches us exactly how it is possible to turn the sting and anguish of loss into a path of liberation—the deep joy, peace, and happiness within our own hearts that exists beyond mere circumstances.
The Magnanimous Heart shows us how to skillfully respond to painful human emotions through the art of meditative inquiry, or questioning wisely. Readers will learn how to live from a compassionate love that guides our lives and warms whatever it shines upon.
With metta and compassion as companions and allies, we discover how our own magnanimous hearts can gently allow the inner knots to untie themselves.
224 pages, Paperback
Published January 22, 2019
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148 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
April 25, 2026
Incredibly compelling and sweet exploration of Buddhist thinking on the connection between loss/sorrow and liberation/mudita (sympathetic joy). I highly recommend it. The author has one of the clearest explanations of how to differentiate between non-attachment and not caring... I still struggle with that understanding but if I come to "get it", this book will have been a big part of that. (2019)
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A second read-through in 2026 allowed me to notice that I have grown/grounded some in the meantime as pages that confounded me earlier now seem to resonate.
6 One of the Buddha's own definitions of dukkha suggests that we are often separated from the people we want to be with, and in contact with ones from whom we'd rather be separate.
9 Our practice is a response to this world of one loss after another, a way to tune in to a deeper level of reality. When we discover the way things really are, we find true and lasting rest and relief. We learn to practice enjoying conditions (when we can) without clinging to them. In disentangling ourselves from the futile belief that the impermanent can be ultimately satisfying, we turn our attention within.
[...] We meditate to tame our minds and to train our hearts to discover, for ourselves, a peace that is truly unconditioned.
26 The way out is the path of love, free from grasping.
58 To turn toward the difficult, to turn toward suffering in the very midst of suffering is the only way to see through conditioning. It takes immense courage at times; it takes great patience and sustained lovingkindness. But what other choice do we have, other than continuing to suffer?
64 We are meeting our conditioned patterns face to face. Meditating is not wallowing in this residue, though, but rather meeting whatever arises without adding any commentary. We meet these patterns with compassion and wisdom so that they can be seen and released.
76 Metta practice is a way to bring space to our difficulties. [...] True safety, however, lies in not allowing thoughts and emotions to convince us that they are true. Only knowing infinite ungraspable spaciousness offers real refuge.
137 After the initial shock wears off, we recognize that certain qualities of heart have had to emerge to meet the difficult, and we cherish these qualities. We realize that our quality of life and of consciousness has changed for the better because of having had to meet unwanted circumstances with wisdom and compassion.
140 As practitioners, we are opening to this life, with its great beauties and unpredictable sorrows.
149 It is not that events or people or our bodies betray us. Rather, conditioned phenomenon always does what it does, which is to act according to its temporary and insubstantial nature. Accepting things as they are allows us to keep our hearts open in the midst of the pain. [...] In difficult situations, our vision is easily clouded because past experiences of being let down are easily triggered.
150 An early history of mistrust, perhaps having nothing to do with the details of a certain situation, can have an undue impact on the present.
[...] It's deep inside every person:
A tear tinier
Than a pearl or thorn.
It's one of the places
Where the beloved is born.
-- Gregory Orr
What are we handing our hearts over to? Treasuring the conditions we encounter, without dismissing them and dwelling in indifference, is treasuring our lives in the very midst of impermanence. At the same time, we have less and less unwarranted confidence in conditions being as we want them to be, because we know their temporary nature. We treasure conditions without clinging, in the here and now, and don't imagine any condition continuing into the future.
What comes in the wake of such trust is calm. We are calmer in the midst of the difficult.
151 It is hard to live with the awareness that we don't know so sometimes we pretend this isn't so; we pretend that we do and can know. But as our practice matures, this idea dissipates and is replaced by the sense that everything is workable. This is where the practice takes us. Nothing is static. We grow in the confidence that come what may, we can meet the conditions presented.
And we pray, not
for new earth or heaven, but to be
quiet in heart, and in eye
clear. What we need is here.
--Wendell Berry
We live, based on the illusion of possible safety, in the midst of unpredictable conditions, somehow able to forget that there is no lasting safety in the temporary.
152 We mature from hope into the confidence in groundlessness. Instead of trying to hold things together, we practice releasing and relinquishing, and we fall into joy.
[...] However, after falling for some time, this person looks down and realizes that there is no ground. There is just empty space below. At this point, they relax. They begin to enjoy the falling. This person recognizes that they are being held by the Dharma, the nature of things, the way things are. [...]
Instead of trying for a false security that takes great energy to convince ourselves of, can we be curious and interested instead?
153 In turning toward the here and now with interest and affection, we discover a different kind of safety than can be found within conditions. We discover a refuge that no one and nothing can take away from us. This refuge is hard-won. And our hope shifts naturally into unshakable faith, the willingness to stay awake and to learn from all of our experiences.
158 One of the fruits of a dedicated practice is that in times of difficulty, the Dharma rises up to meet us.
159 We want to let go, and at the same time, we want what we want.
160 We cannot let go of much of anything until we have enough trust and confidence that we will be held. <>
[...] Letting go requires learning about our attachments so that we can see for ourselves that attachment does not bring the peace and happiness we are seeking.
The practice invites us to see and to study the limitations of attachment, to investigate whether it is possible to observe the suffering that is intertwined with the grasping. Undertaking a serious study of attachment and becoming intimate with grasping during ordinary moments in a day -- as well as in times of great longing and overt loss -- are the path to understanding that attachment is suffering. [...] Seeing attachments clearly and understanding that attaching does not bring peace allow for letting go.
161 Attachment melts through awareness and patience and a growing understanding that grasping doesn't work in the way we hope it will. So often, we unconsciously hope that our grasping will be successful -- at least this one time -- and so we hold on even harder to that which is already slipping out of our grasp. Because of fearing we will be left without what we need, we cling even more.
[...] We have to get to know attachment to be able to see it as it is. As we do, it withers on its own. Attachment relaxes itself. What we are attached to will let go of us. What we can do is meet all phenomena with the wisdom of nongrasping.
This wisdom includes the understanding that we live our lives based on a fundamental error: the mistaken belief that happiness comes from temporary conditions and we don't have what we need within.
162 The problem is that if we over-focus on that something we are likely to overlook the underlying pattern of attachment. If we don't attend to the pattern, the objects of attachment will continue to change throughout our lives and our hearts will remain the same: empty and aching.
[...] When we cling, it is not possible to touch the essence of life. We cling because of the fear of emptiness, despair, and meaninglessness.
[...] A key avenue of study is to recognize that attachment is strengthened through dwelling on whatever we are attached to. Dwelling, ruminating, and returning repeatedly to the object of attachment -- its presence or absence -- is the recipe for strengthening the attachment.
163 We must ask ourselves: Where does our attention enjoy dwelling? Where do our minds go when we are not present? What takes us away from the here and now? What do we think about repeatedly? The answers point to our attachments.
[...] Instead of having just a vague impression of attachments, it is clarifying to know exactly what we are attached to.
164 Desires are held within the understanding that conditions are uncertain.
165 Nonattachment is not disconnection, indifference, withdrawal, or a negating of aspirations. What creates suffering is the urgency to control conditions that cannot be controlled.
167 [...] a wise question to ask is: What else is happening right now?
168 A wise question to ask in the midst of resistance and aversion is: Can I make space for this?
169 We begin by accepting that we will attach, that we are wired to attach. [...] We can also see that the practice offers an entirely different perspective than we have learned in the past, which allows for a natural deconditioning of the heart.
173 We need enough happiness to be capable of looking into unhappiness. Otherwise we will just be lost in unhappiness.
182 The difference between wise reflection and conditioned thinking is that in thinking, there is clinging and suffering. In reflection, there is curiosity and exploration.
[...] Given the conditions in my life right now, what is wise effort? [...] Is it possible to approach this experience with wisdom and compassion?
183 What does love free of attachment look like?
[...] "This turning toward what you deeply love saves you." -- Rumi
185 [...] we turn toward buddha nature, which is an absence of attachment and a fullness of love [...]
186 We begin to turn toward this ache within the heart with compassionate attentiveness instead of seeking to avoid it. [...] To turn toward the ache in the heart is painful and uncomfortable -- and leads to its end.
[...] We can, and we often do, find a temporary refuge in conditions. [...] in inspiring relationships with intimate partners, family, and friends. Throughout each day, we meet conditions to be appreciated and delighted by. But none of these conditions are ultimately reliable; all will change and pass.
----------
A second read-through in 2026 allowed me to notice that I have grown/grounded some in the meantime as pages that confounded me earlier now seem to resonate.
6 One of the Buddha's own definitions of dukkha suggests that we are often separated from the people we want to be with, and in contact with ones from whom we'd rather be separate.
9 Our practice is a response to this world of one loss after another, a way to tune in to a deeper level of reality. When we discover the way things really are, we find true and lasting rest and relief. We learn to practice enjoying conditions (when we can) without clinging to them. In disentangling ourselves from the futile belief that the impermanent can be ultimately satisfying, we turn our attention within.
[...] We meditate to tame our minds and to train our hearts to discover, for ourselves, a peace that is truly unconditioned.
26 The way out is the path of love, free from grasping.
58 To turn toward the difficult, to turn toward suffering in the very midst of suffering is the only way to see through conditioning. It takes immense courage at times; it takes great patience and sustained lovingkindness. But what other choice do we have, other than continuing to suffer?
64 We are meeting our conditioned patterns face to face. Meditating is not wallowing in this residue, though, but rather meeting whatever arises without adding any commentary. We meet these patterns with compassion and wisdom so that they can be seen and released.
76 Metta practice is a way to bring space to our difficulties. [...] True safety, however, lies in not allowing thoughts and emotions to convince us that they are true. Only knowing infinite ungraspable spaciousness offers real refuge.
137 After the initial shock wears off, we recognize that certain qualities of heart have had to emerge to meet the difficult, and we cherish these qualities. We realize that our quality of life and of consciousness has changed for the better because of having had to meet unwanted circumstances with wisdom and compassion.
140 As practitioners, we are opening to this life, with its great beauties and unpredictable sorrows.
149 It is not that events or people or our bodies betray us. Rather, conditioned phenomenon always does what it does, which is to act according to its temporary and insubstantial nature. Accepting things as they are allows us to keep our hearts open in the midst of the pain. [...] In difficult situations, our vision is easily clouded because past experiences of being let down are easily triggered.
150 An early history of mistrust, perhaps having nothing to do with the details of a certain situation, can have an undue impact on the present.
[...] It's deep inside every person:
A tear tinier
Than a pearl or thorn.
It's one of the places
Where the beloved is born.
-- Gregory Orr
What are we handing our hearts over to? Treasuring the conditions we encounter, without dismissing them and dwelling in indifference, is treasuring our lives in the very midst of impermanence. At the same time, we have less and less unwarranted confidence in conditions being as we want them to be, because we know their temporary nature. We treasure conditions without clinging, in the here and now, and don't imagine any condition continuing into the future.
What comes in the wake of such trust is calm. We are calmer in the midst of the difficult.
151 It is hard to live with the awareness that we don't know so sometimes we pretend this isn't so; we pretend that we do and can know. But as our practice matures, this idea dissipates and is replaced by the sense that everything is workable. This is where the practice takes us. Nothing is static. We grow in the confidence that come what may, we can meet the conditions presented.
And we pray, not
for new earth or heaven, but to be
quiet in heart, and in eye
clear. What we need is here.
--Wendell Berry
We live, based on the illusion of possible safety, in the midst of unpredictable conditions, somehow able to forget that there is no lasting safety in the temporary.
152 We mature from hope into the confidence in groundlessness. Instead of trying to hold things together, we practice releasing and relinquishing, and we fall into joy.
[...] However, after falling for some time, this person looks down and realizes that there is no ground. There is just empty space below. At this point, they relax. They begin to enjoy the falling. This person recognizes that they are being held by the Dharma, the nature of things, the way things are. [...]
Instead of trying for a false security that takes great energy to convince ourselves of, can we be curious and interested instead?
153 In turning toward the here and now with interest and affection, we discover a different kind of safety than can be found within conditions. We discover a refuge that no one and nothing can take away from us. This refuge is hard-won. And our hope shifts naturally into unshakable faith, the willingness to stay awake and to learn from all of our experiences.
158 One of the fruits of a dedicated practice is that in times of difficulty, the Dharma rises up to meet us.
159 We want to let go, and at the same time, we want what we want.
160 We cannot let go of much of anything until we have enough trust and confidence that we will be held. <>
[...] Letting go requires learning about our attachments so that we can see for ourselves that attachment does not bring the peace and happiness we are seeking.
The practice invites us to see and to study the limitations of attachment, to investigate whether it is possible to observe the suffering that is intertwined with the grasping. Undertaking a serious study of attachment and becoming intimate with grasping during ordinary moments in a day -- as well as in times of great longing and overt loss -- are the path to understanding that attachment is suffering. [...] Seeing attachments clearly and understanding that attaching does not bring peace allow for letting go.
161 Attachment melts through awareness and patience and a growing understanding that grasping doesn't work in the way we hope it will. So often, we unconsciously hope that our grasping will be successful -- at least this one time -- and so we hold on even harder to that which is already slipping out of our grasp. Because of fearing we will be left without what we need, we cling even more.
[...] We have to get to know attachment to be able to see it as it is. As we do, it withers on its own. Attachment relaxes itself. What we are attached to will let go of us. What we can do is meet all phenomena with the wisdom of nongrasping.
This wisdom includes the understanding that we live our lives based on a fundamental error: the mistaken belief that happiness comes from temporary conditions and we don't have what we need within.
162 The problem is that if we over-focus on that something we are likely to overlook the underlying pattern of attachment. If we don't attend to the pattern, the objects of attachment will continue to change throughout our lives and our hearts will remain the same: empty and aching.
[...] When we cling, it is not possible to touch the essence of life. We cling because of the fear of emptiness, despair, and meaninglessness.
[...] A key avenue of study is to recognize that attachment is strengthened through dwelling on whatever we are attached to. Dwelling, ruminating, and returning repeatedly to the object of attachment -- its presence or absence -- is the recipe for strengthening the attachment.
163 We must ask ourselves: Where does our attention enjoy dwelling? Where do our minds go when we are not present? What takes us away from the here and now? What do we think about repeatedly? The answers point to our attachments.
[...] Instead of having just a vague impression of attachments, it is clarifying to know exactly what we are attached to.
164 Desires are held within the understanding that conditions are uncertain.
165 Nonattachment is not disconnection, indifference, withdrawal, or a negating of aspirations. What creates suffering is the urgency to control conditions that cannot be controlled.
167 [...] a wise question to ask is: What else is happening right now?
168 A wise question to ask in the midst of resistance and aversion is: Can I make space for this?
169 We begin by accepting that we will attach, that we are wired to attach. [...] We can also see that the practice offers an entirely different perspective than we have learned in the past, which allows for a natural deconditioning of the heart.
173 We need enough happiness to be capable of looking into unhappiness. Otherwise we will just be lost in unhappiness.
182 The difference between wise reflection and conditioned thinking is that in thinking, there is clinging and suffering. In reflection, there is curiosity and exploration.
[...] Given the conditions in my life right now, what is wise effort? [...] Is it possible to approach this experience with wisdom and compassion?
183 What does love free of attachment look like?
[...] "This turning toward what you deeply love saves you." -- Rumi
185 [...] we turn toward buddha nature, which is an absence of attachment and a fullness of love [...]
186 We begin to turn toward this ache within the heart with compassionate attentiveness instead of seeking to avoid it. [...] To turn toward the ache in the heart is painful and uncomfortable -- and leads to its end.
[...] We can, and we often do, find a temporary refuge in conditions. [...] in inspiring relationships with intimate partners, family, and friends. Throughout each day, we meet conditions to be appreciated and delighted by. But none of these conditions are ultimately reliable; all will change and pass.
February 3, 2021
I studied with Narayan in Cambridge years ago and she has been my most cherished meditation teacher. This book is a phenomenal synthesis of many of her recent teachings and I continued to learn so much from her in it. A great read for pandemic times.
May 2, 2021
A magnanimous heart is like a swinging door. Experiences come in and go out without clinging or interpretation. We digest and release experiences, instead of getting caught in ideas about the way things are and how they “should” be or finding fault with ourselves or others.
May 17, 2019
“As we learn to accept the natural limitations of this body/mind experience, it becomes ever more possible to live with greater love and wonder and with less clinging and attachment. This is the sign of a true contemplative, not just a person who can sit endlessly on a cushion.”
May 9, 2019
Namaste'
Read
December 31, 2020Powerful! The wisdom and compassion expressed feels as if it's drawn from a deep well of experience; it's thoughtful and well-expressed.
November 5, 2023
I loved this book. In late August, I attended an online retreat with Narayan at the Insight Meditation Society (IMS)—the first time I'd experienced her teaching—which was wonderful. She is a guiding teacher both at IMS and the Cambridge Insight Meditation Center, where she is also co-founder.
I was curious about such a senior female teacher. I found her to be strong, wise, discerning, and skillful with a touch of humor who guided us quickly and effectively into deep territory. No beating about the bush here! Rather, sharing a lifetime of learning with heart-centered knowing, calm, and kindness. This book captures some of that—which says a lot.
I was curious about such a senior female teacher. I found her to be strong, wise, discerning, and skillful with a touch of humor who guided us quickly and effectively into deep territory. No beating about the bush here! Rather, sharing a lifetime of learning with heart-centered knowing, calm, and kindness. This book captures some of that—which says a lot.
August 14, 2022
Excellent book
I've read many books on mindfulness Buddhism etc and most to me, a layman, I find them rather obscure, but this book, while not skirting on the philosophy, goes straight to your understanding chips, it's beautifully written and it contains the perfect amount of prose and poetry. It's not an instructional manual, but it also does contain advice gems that will improve your practice, in all it's a nice read from a great teacher.
I've read many books on mindfulness Buddhism etc and most to me, a layman, I find them rather obscure, but this book, while not skirting on the philosophy, goes straight to your understanding chips, it's beautifully written and it contains the perfect amount of prose and poetry. It's not an instructional manual, but it also does contain advice gems that will improve your practice, in all it's a nice read from a great teacher.
June 12, 2023
This book spoke directly to me on every single page. I had the privilege and joy of being taught by and learning from Narayan at the inside meditation society in June 2023. Out of all the books available there, I chose hers, and I am very grateful for every word.
April 12, 2025
Beautiful book. My companion during a really trying time for me.
June 23, 2021
I was so captivated by Narayan in our Cloud Mountain retreat last year that I had to read her book. I was hoping it would be all about her super interesting life, but it’s more of a guide on how to think about meditation. I wouldn’t recommend it as a how-to-meditate book for beginners, but it’s good for supplementing Goenka’s tactical how-to-meditate 10 day course with how to think about his techniques conceptually as they relate to daily life.
I loved the last chapter on “enoughness” being the point of meditation and will revisit that chapter for the reminders once in a while. Also liked her description of the magnanimous heart as having the buoyancy to digest and release experiences instead of clinging, allowing us to encounter what is present with spaciousness and be open to the next moment’s experience. I experienced this feeling in both Goenka retreats (more deeply in the 2nd retreat) but it’s still a fleeting one for me. Explanation of metta was helpful since that wasn’t covered well in the Goenka course.
I loved the last chapter on “enoughness” being the point of meditation and will revisit that chapter for the reminders once in a while. Also liked her description of the magnanimous heart as having the buoyancy to digest and release experiences instead of clinging, allowing us to encounter what is present with spaciousness and be open to the next moment’s experience. I experienced this feeling in both Goenka retreats (more deeply in the 2nd retreat) but it’s still a fleeting one for me. Explanation of metta was helpful since that wasn’t covered well in the Goenka course.
April 9, 2019
Minuteman. Author is at Insight Meditation Center.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
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