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A breakthrough approach for a good night's sleep--with no tears
There are two schools of thought for encouraging babies to sleep through the the hotly debated Ferber technique of letting the baby "cry it out," or the grin-and-bear-it solution of getting up from dusk to dawn as often as necessary. If you don't believe in letting your baby cry it out, but desperately want to sleep, there is now a third option, presented in Elizabeth Pantley's sanity-saving book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution."
Pantley's successful solution has been tested and proven effective by scores of mothers and their babies from across the United States, Canada, and Europe. Based on her research, Pantley's guide provides you with effective strategies to overcoming naptime and nighttime problems. "The No-Cry Sleep Solution "offers clearly explained, step-by-step ideas that steer your little ones toward a good night's sleep--all with no crying.
Tips from The No-Cry Sleep Uncover the stumbling blocks that prevent baby from sleeping through the night Determine--and work with--baby's biological sleep rhythms Create a customized, step-by-step plan to get baby to sleep through the night Use the Persistent Gentle Removal System to teach baby to fall asleep without breast-feeding, bottlefeeding, or using a pacifier
There are two schools of thought for encouraging babies to sleep through the the hotly debated Ferber technique of letting the baby "cry it out," or the grin-and-bear-it solution of getting up from dusk to dawn as often as necessary. If you don't believe in letting your baby cry it out, but desperately want to sleep, there is now a third option, presented in Elizabeth Pantley's sanity-saving book "The No-Cry Sleep Solution."
Pantley's successful solution has been tested and proven effective by scores of mothers and their babies from across the United States, Canada, and Europe. Based on her research, Pantley's guide provides you with effective strategies to overcoming naptime and nighttime problems. "The No-Cry Sleep Solution "offers clearly explained, step-by-step ideas that steer your little ones toward a good night's sleep--all with no crying.
Tips from The No-Cry Sleep Uncover the stumbling blocks that prevent baby from sleeping through the night Determine--and work with--baby's biological sleep rhythms Create a customized, step-by-step plan to get baby to sleep through the night Use the Persistent Gentle Removal System to teach baby to fall asleep without breast-feeding, bottlefeeding, or using a pacifier
239 pages
First published January 1, 2002
1450 people are currently reading
2239 people want to read
About the author
Elizabeth Pantley
63 books447 followersElizabeth Pantley is a bestselling author of fiction and non-fiction books. She writes two well-loved cozy mystery series: The Magical Mystery Book Club, and the Destiny Falls Mystery and Magic series. She has also written the international bestselling No-Cry Solution parenting book series that is available in over twenty languages.
Elizabeth lives in the majestic Pacific Northwest and spends winters in the sunny desert of Arizona. While neither location is home to any paranormal beings (that she knows of) the vastly different yet equally lovely locations are the inspiration for the settings in many of her books.
Sign up for her newsletter to get a free novella at www.elizabethpantleyauthor.com
Elizabeth lives in the majestic Pacific Northwest and spends winters in the sunny desert of Arizona. While neither location is home to any paranormal beings (that she knows of) the vastly different yet equally lovely locations are the inspiration for the settings in many of her books.
Sign up for her newsletter to get a free novella at www.elizabethpantleyauthor.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 984 reviews
July 26, 2013
All these sleep books are so annoying. They go on and on about nothing, taking forever to get to what I paid for, the miraculous technique that will supposedly get my baby to sleep and stop pushing me to the brink of insanity, and then it turns out to be some dumb piece of common sense that isn't helpful. Yes, babies need routines and consistent bedtimes, very good, I'm not an idiot and I've already got that covered. What I want to know is why does he hate me so much that he feels it appropriate to wake me every couple hours all night long and more importantly, how do I convince him that this is not acceptable baby behaviour and that no, not all the other babies are doing it too. Also, my baby is not a robot so what works for some people will not necessarily work for everyone, so why are you disillusioning me into thinking this will for sure work and if it doesn't there is something wrong with my kid. My annoyance isn't so much specific to this book, but to all sleep books in general since they are all the same, completely useless. My choices are spending my whole night patting, shushing, picking up, putting down or alternatively leaving him in a dark room alone to think I don't love him anymore. I've given up and can only hope that someday when my son leaves home and goes to university his roommate will get him sorted out for me in the sleep department and if not oh well, it won't be my problem anymore.
January 2, 2012
Her intent = 4.5 stars
Her writing = 3 stars
Her theories = 3 stars
Her experience = 1.5 stars
Astonishing advice = 0 stars
Her overall success = 2 stars
Why do these so called experts see parenting styles as black or white? You leave your baby to cry it out, you are a detached emotionally unavailable parent who should not have had kids but rather run a corporation. You respond to every cry, you are "attached" and your deserve a golden star your child will be perfect and you can write a book about it.
According to Pantley anyway.
I do like that she wrote the book in attempt to help mothers see there are alternatives to "crying it out." But I find it really hypocritical that she whines about such "sleep experts" for making her feel like a bad mom (for not teaching her kids to sleep) and then the last thing you read in her book is her singling out a mother at a baseball games as unloving and negligent because she rocked her child's car seat when he started to stir (instead of shoving a boob in his face).
I agree with most her ideas, and thought of just about all of them on my own (with a little tool called common sense) before I read her book. I did sleep logs. I waited a minute before responded to each cry. I lingered on the nursery floor and sang lullabies as he drifted off to sleep. Does this qualify me to write a book? I say no.
Though, I do think I'm a little more qualified than she. I did all those things naturally with my first child. She wrote this book after her 4th couldn't sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time. I know each kid is different, but I got the impression that her first 3 didn't sleep a whole lot better.
Also, it bugs me that she tries to reassure mothers that someday, regardless of your success with infant sleep training, your child will learn to sleep through the night, because we all do. Incorrect. I have spoken with several mothers (and read in several other sleep books) that some kids really do get up EVERY night, even when their 17. I think Pantley has good advice for those kids. Things like two free "come to mom and dad's room" coupons; once the two tickets are gone, tough luck. The nest next to mom and dad's bed is also a really good idea. A glass of water, flashlight, and one toy on the nightstand: good idea. The rewards posters, all of it great ideas for toddlers and even teens. But to promise people their kids will eventually sleep through the night is not a solution for mothers worn out and sleep deprived.
I personally have not resorted to the cry it out method, and I never intend to. Still, books like Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby and Babywise work much better for me and my little boy. You just have to realize these authors are on the opposite end of the spectrum as far as your effects go. They'll say if you respond to every cry with a feeding you're child will have ADHD and throw tantrums as they grow older. I say, there's a lot more to parenting then how you respond to cries the first 6 months out of the womb. Though I do think the Babywis author makes a good point when he says this kind of attachment parenting ignores what might actually be making your baby cry. Personally, I tried feed for comfort, and it backfired. My little guy was crying cause his tummy hurt and he had bad reflux. More food makes that situation even worse, even though the baby is eager to drink more cause sucking at mom's breast is comforting.
If you've let yourself feel guilty over occasionally rocking your little one to sleep or holding him through a nap or if you have no experience with children, this book may be for you. But if you have a serious sleep problem on your hands and your kid isn't old enough to care about a sticker on a poster, I suggest something else.
Her writing = 3 stars
Her theories = 3 stars
Her experience = 1.5 stars
Astonishing advice = 0 stars
Her overall success = 2 stars
Why do these so called experts see parenting styles as black or white? You leave your baby to cry it out, you are a detached emotionally unavailable parent who should not have had kids but rather run a corporation. You respond to every cry, you are "attached" and your deserve a golden star your child will be perfect and you can write a book about it.
According to Pantley anyway.
I do like that she wrote the book in attempt to help mothers see there are alternatives to "crying it out." But I find it really hypocritical that she whines about such "sleep experts" for making her feel like a bad mom (for not teaching her kids to sleep) and then the last thing you read in her book is her singling out a mother at a baseball games as unloving and negligent because she rocked her child's car seat when he started to stir (instead of shoving a boob in his face).
I agree with most her ideas, and thought of just about all of them on my own (with a little tool called common sense) before I read her book. I did sleep logs. I waited a minute before responded to each cry. I lingered on the nursery floor and sang lullabies as he drifted off to sleep. Does this qualify me to write a book? I say no.
Though, I do think I'm a little more qualified than she. I did all those things naturally with my first child. She wrote this book after her 4th couldn't sleep for more than 45 minutes at a time. I know each kid is different, but I got the impression that her first 3 didn't sleep a whole lot better.
Also, it bugs me that she tries to reassure mothers that someday, regardless of your success with infant sleep training, your child will learn to sleep through the night, because we all do. Incorrect. I have spoken with several mothers (and read in several other sleep books) that some kids really do get up EVERY night, even when their 17. I think Pantley has good advice for those kids. Things like two free "come to mom and dad's room" coupons; once the two tickets are gone, tough luck. The nest next to mom and dad's bed is also a really good idea. A glass of water, flashlight, and one toy on the nightstand: good idea. The rewards posters, all of it great ideas for toddlers and even teens. But to promise people their kids will eventually sleep through the night is not a solution for mothers worn out and sleep deprived.
I personally have not resorted to the cry it out method, and I never intend to. Still, books like Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby and Babywise work much better for me and my little boy. You just have to realize these authors are on the opposite end of the spectrum as far as your effects go. They'll say if you respond to every cry with a feeding you're child will have ADHD and throw tantrums as they grow older. I say, there's a lot more to parenting then how you respond to cries the first 6 months out of the womb. Though I do think the Babywis author makes a good point when he says this kind of attachment parenting ignores what might actually be making your baby cry. Personally, I tried feed for comfort, and it backfired. My little guy was crying cause his tummy hurt and he had bad reflux. More food makes that situation even worse, even though the baby is eager to drink more cause sucking at mom's breast is comforting.
If you've let yourself feel guilty over occasionally rocking your little one to sleep or holding him through a nap or if you have no experience with children, this book may be for you. But if you have a serious sleep problem on your hands and your kid isn't old enough to care about a sticker on a poster, I suggest something else.
April 7, 2007
OK, so here's the deal with The No Cry Sleep Solution.
I got this book because I really did not want to let my baby cry it out. I was pretty much attachment parenting from the time my baby was born until, oh, about 3 days after reading this book!
I did get a few good tidbits from the book, which is why it was not a "1."
First, having a really good bedtime routine is essential.
Second, Pantley's "gentle removal method" for stopping your baby from nursing to sleep works great. In fact, not only does he not nurse to sleep, but he also doesn't use a pacifier anymore. Great.
Third, I learned that a lot of awakenings are not real awakenings, and that you could actually be waking a sleeping yet crying baby by going in too soon.
Everything else? Not so much. A lot of the book is for people who already co-sleep, which we do not do anymore. In the end, we let him cry it out and it took 2 days for him to get used to going to sleep on his own. He still loves us and he still trusts us. But if you feel that you really don't want to let your baby cry, ever, this might be for you :)
I got this book because I really did not want to let my baby cry it out. I was pretty much attachment parenting from the time my baby was born until, oh, about 3 days after reading this book!
I did get a few good tidbits from the book, which is why it was not a "1."
First, having a really good bedtime routine is essential.
Second, Pantley's "gentle removal method" for stopping your baby from nursing to sleep works great. In fact, not only does he not nurse to sleep, but he also doesn't use a pacifier anymore. Great.
Third, I learned that a lot of awakenings are not real awakenings, and that you could actually be waking a sleeping yet crying baby by going in too soon.
Everything else? Not so much. A lot of the book is for people who already co-sleep, which we do not do anymore. In the end, we let him cry it out and it took 2 days for him to get used to going to sleep on his own. He still loves us and he still trusts us. But if you feel that you really don't want to let your baby cry, ever, this might be for you :)
November 21, 2020
This is NOT a sleep training book, this is a book educating loving parents about knowledgeable approach and correct expectations about babies. If you encounter on the internet phrases like "a 6 month old should sleep 12 hours a night", then most probably that's a sleep trainer's blog. Sleep trainers involve tears and never care for your baby's psychological future, they care about their money. Beware sleep trainers!
Biologically 5 straight hours of sleep is considered "sleeping through the night" for small babies.
This and much more information in the book sets correct expectations towards our babies, who are small and who need our help with falling asleep.
I am surprised at some negative reviews, who claim that the author doesn't have enough practice to be boldly claiming her approach, whereas she's been helping thousands of mums to achieve a peaceful harmony for them and their babies. I think that amount is quite enough to claim the no-cry approach being successful.
The other negative atmosphere around this book is regarding the time needed to achieve success. Ferberizing takes only a week or maximum 2 to achieve a full night's uninterrupted sleep, whereas the no-cry sleep solution requires several weeks or even months to achieve it. Well! I have to say that anyone being thrown forcefully into a prison cell will cry for a week and then stop. Not because they "got independent, grew, and learnt how to self-soothe", but simply because they gave up. The same happens with babies when you make them cry - they give up and they stop calling for comfort, even though subconsciously they still need it.
Pantley's gentle approach is absolutely the opposite - whatever change we do (removing night breastfeeding, prolonging naptime, reducing night wakings, and so on), we do it with ZERO tears and with respect towards our child.
This book overall is in some sense "Baby Sleep Bible", because it teaches endless love and patience towards babies (very similar in its philosophy to Dr. Sear's The Baby Book).
This approach is for truly loving and big-hearted parents who put their BABIES as first priority, rather than themselves.
Biologically 5 straight hours of sleep is considered "sleeping through the night" for small babies.
This and much more information in the book sets correct expectations towards our babies, who are small and who need our help with falling asleep.
I am surprised at some negative reviews, who claim that the author doesn't have enough practice to be boldly claiming her approach, whereas she's been helping thousands of mums to achieve a peaceful harmony for them and their babies. I think that amount is quite enough to claim the no-cry approach being successful.
The other negative atmosphere around this book is regarding the time needed to achieve success. Ferberizing takes only a week or maximum 2 to achieve a full night's uninterrupted sleep, whereas the no-cry sleep solution requires several weeks or even months to achieve it. Well! I have to say that anyone being thrown forcefully into a prison cell will cry for a week and then stop. Not because they "got independent, grew, and learnt how to self-soothe", but simply because they gave up. The same happens with babies when you make them cry - they give up and they stop calling for comfort, even though subconsciously they still need it.
Pantley's gentle approach is absolutely the opposite - whatever change we do (removing night breastfeeding, prolonging naptime, reducing night wakings, and so on), we do it with ZERO tears and with respect towards our child.
This book overall is in some sense "Baby Sleep Bible", because it teaches endless love and patience towards babies (very similar in its philosophy to Dr. Sear's The Baby Book).
This approach is for truly loving and big-hearted parents who put their BABIES as first priority, rather than themselves.
January 8, 2020
Honestly I tried very very hard to do the whole no-cry thing with my first.
I now laugh at my naivety as a dumb first-time parent and how much ridiculous crap I put myself through (let alone what it did to my marriage) with all the baby-led weaning, bed sharing, baby-wearing crunchy granola BS.
I’m sure it’s works for some kids. But never mine. And I say kids/babies because some parents are just blessed with those “easy babies”. Not me. Mine are “spirited” (although my second was “easier” than my very spirited first, and my behavioral-issues last.
I joke that I have parental ptsd. And we haven’t even reached the teen years yet *eye twitches*
Anyway we did all the extra-special newbie parenting stuff with our first (organic home-made baby food, spring water, bed sharing, no cry etc etc etc) and what happened was she ended up in our bed until age 4.5. Toward the end we settled with sleeping on the floor next to my bed with one hand touching me through the night. By this point, I’d already had my second and trying and failing at doing the same no-cry thing and my husband had taken to sleeping on a twin size mattress in our walk-in closet for a couple years now.
Does that all seem “worth” it to avoid a few nights or the dreaded cry-it-our method????
It was hell people. Laying on the floor outside my baby’s crib (as instructed in the book) while they whined and cried for me and getting up to pat and reassure them through the night. But really that just tortured her, me laying there but not picking her up, her not understanding why if I’m there I won’t just pick her up?
With my second I tried again. Hoped. Failed. And then I reached a breaking point. At age 5-6 months I did a cry it out method, by the third night it was all over.
It was all over. And it only took 3 hard nights.
We suffered and struggled for over 4 years with our first and all it took was 3 hard nights with my second to be freed of our night time hell.
I did the same with our third. He co-slept with me until about 6 months when that no longer worked for him. And again it was only 3 hard nights. And by the end of the week we had peace. He could put himself to sleep on his own and woke only once in which I’d nurse and cuddle him and lay him back down.
*This was my experience with my three children. Everyone has their own experience my only hope is that your experience will be/was better than mine :)
I now laugh at my naivety as a dumb first-time parent and how much ridiculous crap I put myself through (let alone what it did to my marriage) with all the baby-led weaning, bed sharing, baby-wearing crunchy granola BS.
I’m sure it’s works for some kids. But never mine. And I say kids/babies because some parents are just blessed with those “easy babies”. Not me. Mine are “spirited” (although my second was “easier” than my very spirited first, and my behavioral-issues last.
I joke that I have parental ptsd. And we haven’t even reached the teen years yet *eye twitches*
Anyway we did all the extra-special newbie parenting stuff with our first (organic home-made baby food, spring water, bed sharing, no cry etc etc etc) and what happened was she ended up in our bed until age 4.5. Toward the end we settled with sleeping on the floor next to my bed with one hand touching me through the night. By this point, I’d already had my second and trying and failing at doing the same no-cry thing and my husband had taken to sleeping on a twin size mattress in our walk-in closet for a couple years now.
Does that all seem “worth” it to avoid a few nights or the dreaded cry-it-our method????
It was hell people. Laying on the floor outside my baby’s crib (as instructed in the book) while they whined and cried for me and getting up to pat and reassure them through the night. But really that just tortured her, me laying there but not picking her up, her not understanding why if I’m there I won’t just pick her up?
With my second I tried again. Hoped. Failed. And then I reached a breaking point. At age 5-6 months I did a cry it out method, by the third night it was all over.
It was all over. And it only took 3 hard nights.
We suffered and struggled for over 4 years with our first and all it took was 3 hard nights with my second to be freed of our night time hell.
I did the same with our third. He co-slept with me until about 6 months when that no longer worked for him. And again it was only 3 hard nights. And by the end of the week we had peace. He could put himself to sleep on his own and woke only once in which I’d nurse and cuddle him and lay him back down.
*This was my experience with my three children. Everyone has their own experience my only hope is that your experience will be/was better than mine :)
February 18, 2008
While this book claims to be the third option for sleep-deprived parents (1 being: "cry-it-out," and 2 being "live with it"), I found that it was more like "live with it," with a couple of helpful pointers to make you feel like you are doing something. Or perhaps it works as the preparation phase before going on to the Ferber method.
First of all, like most self-help books, it could have been about 10 pages. I read over half of it before I got to her actual methodology. The first half is dedicated to just plain sleeping facts about babies -- virtually nothing I had not heard before. Then, her 6 phase process is explained in about 3 pages which is followed by a couple chapters of encouragement. There is also workbook like sheets to be filled in as you document your progress.
The advice is pretty basic: create a bedtime routine (perhaps with a bath, bedtime music, reading stories, a "lovey", key sleep words, etc.) and then gradually put baby to sleep when baby is more and more awake so that baby will learn to fall asleep without you and gradually decreasing your degree of hands-on comfort during nighttime wake-ups. This really didn't work with me because my daughter would often go to bed completely awake, and it did not change how many times she woke up in the night or how well she responded to my comforting her in any way other than nursing her back to sleep.
I think this book is primarily directed towards moms of older children with behavioral sleep issues, rather than actually teaching a young infant (mine is 4 1/2 months) how to sleep better. There is no way a little baby is going to respond to "verbal soothing" in the middle of the night. The author is a proponent of co-sleeping, and breastfeeds her 18-month old. So I think her approach is accurately described as: "live with it" until it's ridiculous and your child can completely understand that he/she needs to stay asleep all night (i.e. at least 1 year old), and then incorporate this method.
No good for me.
I think you can get the same good advice without having to wade through pages and pages of fluff.
First of all, like most self-help books, it could have been about 10 pages. I read over half of it before I got to her actual methodology. The first half is dedicated to just plain sleeping facts about babies -- virtually nothing I had not heard before. Then, her 6 phase process is explained in about 3 pages which is followed by a couple chapters of encouragement. There is also workbook like sheets to be filled in as you document your progress.
The advice is pretty basic: create a bedtime routine (perhaps with a bath, bedtime music, reading stories, a "lovey", key sleep words, etc.) and then gradually put baby to sleep when baby is more and more awake so that baby will learn to fall asleep without you and gradually decreasing your degree of hands-on comfort during nighttime wake-ups. This really didn't work with me because my daughter would often go to bed completely awake, and it did not change how many times she woke up in the night or how well she responded to my comforting her in any way other than nursing her back to sleep.
I think this book is primarily directed towards moms of older children with behavioral sleep issues, rather than actually teaching a young infant (mine is 4 1/2 months) how to sleep better. There is no way a little baby is going to respond to "verbal soothing" in the middle of the night. The author is a proponent of co-sleeping, and breastfeeds her 18-month old. So I think her approach is accurately described as: "live with it" until it's ridiculous and your child can completely understand that he/she needs to stay asleep all night (i.e. at least 1 year old), and then incorporate this method.
No good for me.
I think you can get the same good advice without having to wade through pages and pages of fluff.
December 18, 2019
This seems as good a place as any to point out how strangely vindictive most of these parenting books are. They actively make you feel bad for trying anything other than what they propose. This one offers advice on how to help your baby get to sleep if you don’t like the idea of letting him cry himself to sleep. Which is fine, there’s certainly a market for that. Only you know what? If you do let your baby cry himself to sleep and happen to read this book, Mrs Pantley is going to make sure you regret that decision the rest of your life, as she describes in ludicrous detail the intense pain and suffering the baby experiences when waking up alone in the dark, thinking itself abandoned and left to the wolves.
She does something similar with breastfeeding (which is weird because the book’s not even about breastfeeding). She’s clearly a breastfeeding mother, and although she offers tips and tricks to non-breastfeeders, every time she does, she lets slip some snide comment along the lines of “If you have chosen not to give your baby the best gift a mother could ever give him, here is what you should do" (not a quote from the book, but that's the gist of it).
This is why I can’t stand most of these books. Picking one up is like asking a question on Twitter, where literally anyone can answer. Most of these authors’ qualifications is simply “I am a mother of n” - which I am not crossing out as a valuable source of experience, but it doesn’t guarantee they will know how to write a balanced, tactful or even remotely helpful book. Remember your potential readers are sleep-deprived ashen figures who once resembled something human. The last thing they need is being berated when looking for help.
Anyway, now I’ve gotten that out of the way, this book actually does contain some interesting advice and good ideas. But as many other books of its kind (oh boy, here we go again) it barely justifies its existence as a book. I mean, the main takeaway from this book is Pantley’s Gentle Removal Plan (yes, that’s what she calls it, and yes, she’s named it after herself), which despite being a good idea, is so straightforward she covers it in two paragraphs:
That’s it. That’s what the no-cry sleep solution boils down to. And the name is delightfully misleading, because of course the baby cries while you’re applying said solution. It’s like Johnson & Johnson’s “no tears” shampoo - of course there will be tears if your baby gets shampoo in his eyes! This should be more appropriately, though less pizzazzily, called a gentle alternative to the cry-it-out solution.
So really, it’s a mystery why Pantley didn’t just share this piece of wisdom with the world for free in a pamphlet, a blog post, a YouTube video… hell, even an Instagram story. About 20% of the book is liability disclaimers, another 20% is a series of forms and logs for you to keep track of your baby’s sleeping habits (ha ha), 30% is a collection of common-sense advice you could find in any parenting blog, 10% is making non-breastfeeders and cry-it-outers feel bad, and another 20% are interspersed quotes from random parents no one is going to read because, come on, that’s not where you’re going to find the 2-star reviews, now, is it?
She does something similar with breastfeeding (which is weird because the book’s not even about breastfeeding). She’s clearly a breastfeeding mother, and although she offers tips and tricks to non-breastfeeders, every time she does, she lets slip some snide comment along the lines of “If you have chosen not to give your baby the best gift a mother could ever give him, here is what you should do" (not a quote from the book, but that's the gist of it).
This is why I can’t stand most of these books. Picking one up is like asking a question on Twitter, where literally anyone can answer. Most of these authors’ qualifications is simply “I am a mother of n” - which I am not crossing out as a valuable source of experience, but it doesn’t guarantee they will know how to write a balanced, tactful or even remotely helpful book. Remember your potential readers are sleep-deprived ashen figures who once resembled something human. The last thing they need is being berated when looking for help.
Anyway, now I’ve gotten that out of the way, this book actually does contain some interesting advice and good ideas. But as many other books of its kind (oh boy, here we go again) it barely justifies its existence as a book. I mean, the main takeaway from this book is Pantley’s Gentle Removal Plan (yes, that’s what she calls it, and yes, she’s named it after herself), which despite being a good idea, is so straightforward she covers it in two paragraphs:
When your baby wakes, go ahead and pop his pacifier or his bottle in his mouth, or nurse him. But, instead of leaving him there and going back to bed, or letting him fall asleep at the breast, let him suck for a few minutes until his sucking slows and he is relaxed and sleepy. Then break the seal with your finger and gently remove the pacifier or nipple.
Often, especially at first, your baby will startle and root for the nipple. Try to very gently hold his mouth closed with your finger under his chin, or apply pressure to his chin, just under his lip, at the same time rocking or swaying with him. (Use your key words if you have developed them.) If he struggles against this and roots for you or his pacifier or bottle, or fusses, go ahead and replace the nipple or pacifier, but repeat the removal process as often as necessary until he falls asleep.
That’s it. That’s what the no-cry sleep solution boils down to. And the name is delightfully misleading, because of course the baby cries while you’re applying said solution. It’s like Johnson & Johnson’s “no tears” shampoo - of course there will be tears if your baby gets shampoo in his eyes! This should be more appropriately, though less pizzazzily, called a gentle alternative to the cry-it-out solution.
So really, it’s a mystery why Pantley didn’t just share this piece of wisdom with the world for free in a pamphlet, a blog post, a YouTube video… hell, even an Instagram story. About 20% of the book is liability disclaimers, another 20% is a series of forms and logs for you to keep track of your baby’s sleeping habits (ha ha), 30% is a collection of common-sense advice you could find in any parenting blog, 10% is making non-breastfeeders and cry-it-outers feel bad, and another 20% are interspersed quotes from random parents no one is going to read because, come on, that’s not where you’re going to find the 2-star reviews, now, is it?
April 2, 2012
While I appreciate the idea of a method in between "cry it out" and "deal with it", I was infuriated by Pantley's inclusion of a speculative description of the agony a child might be feeling as they cry it out (e.g., "His little body is burning with desire and utter loneliness" - I'm paraphrasing, but that is exactly the tone.) You can't use that manipulative, mean tactic AND say that (a) that you're offering a moderate option or (b) that whatever works for a family is what's best. I'm not wild about letting my baby cry it out, and it doesn't always work, but I'm not going to tolerate being judged for trying it, or judge everyone for whom it has been a lifesaving technique. This reminds me of the "breastfeeding Nazis" and other women (and men) who say that mothers who go back to work are selfish and hurting the baby, or that you have to feed solids to (or not, or wean, or not, or take away or give the pacifier or lovey, etc.) at a certain point. I'm not sure why everyone insists on being so harsh judging (other) parents. Every child, every family, every situation is different. If you watch the documentary "Babies," you'll see that children raised with incredibly different styles are all still doing about the same things at 1 year. Yet everyone is sure that everything you do or don't do before, during, and post-pregnancy will completely ruin your child's life.
I couldn't continue reading this book, and anyway the reviews on Goodreads and Amazon clearly summarize her points, and indicate that this is nothing new. Picking up my baby, calming her, and trying to put her down is what I'm already doing instinctively. I'm not going to start obsessing about every detail of the sleep pattern of someone who changes constantly. I'm happy for everyone this book has helped, but I cannot abide the guilt-tripping flavor of this book.
I couldn't continue reading this book, and anyway the reviews on Goodreads and Amazon clearly summarize her points, and indicate that this is nothing new. Picking up my baby, calming her, and trying to put her down is what I'm already doing instinctively. I'm not going to start obsessing about every detail of the sleep pattern of someone who changes constantly. I'm happy for everyone this book has helped, but I cannot abide the guilt-tripping flavor of this book.
September 13, 2012
There were a couple of times, reading this book, that I laughed. Not because it's a comedy (it isn't) but because the idea of doing a log for baby sleep patterns was... erm... well... let's just say it wouldn't have flown in our house.
Our twins were born in 2009, and I can't say much about the time when they were very little because I don't remember any of it and what I do I have blocked out. It was the most exhausting, demanding thing I have ever done or would ever want to do. The idea that I would be able to, at the end of the day, do a little chart about when Child A was sleeping or when Child B was sleeping sounds so totally alien to what my experience was that I can't comprehend it. I didn't have time to eat breakfast, much less fill out a little chart.
Like a lot of other baby books, the time to read this is before you have a baby. Like, way before. The problem with parenting small babies is that tired people make mistakes, and you're always tired. (I am tired now just thinking about it.) You may be too tired to read this when the baby comes, so read it before.
I think some of the sleeping ideas in here are fine, and the information is good. I am a bit annoyed that so much of the information is related to newborns, but there are a couple of good ideas on toddler sleep issues and I am going to try at least one of them.
The book appears, so far as I can tell, to favor co-sleeping. You can't co-sleep with twins, not easily, so we didn't try it. I am agnostic on the whole co-sleeping thing - I believe in doing whatever works for you and your baby. (We let one of ours, if memory serves, sleep on her tummy before the books said it was really OK to do that, because, you know, sleep.)
So, yes. Read the book. Check out the suggestions, and if they're good for you and your unique child, adopt them. But if they don't work, ditch them and don't feel guilty about it. There's no one right way to parent, and there shouldn't be.
Our twins were born in 2009, and I can't say much about the time when they were very little because I don't remember any of it and what I do I have blocked out. It was the most exhausting, demanding thing I have ever done or would ever want to do. The idea that I would be able to, at the end of the day, do a little chart about when Child A was sleeping or when Child B was sleeping sounds so totally alien to what my experience was that I can't comprehend it. I didn't have time to eat breakfast, much less fill out a little chart.
Like a lot of other baby books, the time to read this is before you have a baby. Like, way before. The problem with parenting small babies is that tired people make mistakes, and you're always tired. (I am tired now just thinking about it.) You may be too tired to read this when the baby comes, so read it before.
I think some of the sleeping ideas in here are fine, and the information is good. I am a bit annoyed that so much of the information is related to newborns, but there are a couple of good ideas on toddler sleep issues and I am going to try at least one of them.
The book appears, so far as I can tell, to favor co-sleeping. You can't co-sleep with twins, not easily, so we didn't try it. I am agnostic on the whole co-sleeping thing - I believe in doing whatever works for you and your baby. (We let one of ours, if memory serves, sleep on her tummy before the books said it was really OK to do that, because, you know, sleep.)
So, yes. Read the book. Check out the suggestions, and if they're good for you and your unique child, adopt them. But if they don't work, ditch them and don't feel guilty about it. There's no one right way to parent, and there shouldn't be.
February 1, 2008
Well, if you know us, you know that when we have babies we more or less practice "attachment parenting," which we didn't even know existed until we were already doing it. It just felt natural to have our babies co-sleep, to not use a bottle or pacifier, etc. Little did we realize that I would become the "human pacifier" and that our oldest would have a very hard time weaning herself out of our bed. Fortunately we learned how to not begin that issue with our next two, but it still remained for our daughter who was nearing the age of 5 and Kindergarten. I discovered this book through Dr. William Sears who has written wonderful parenting books and who invented the "back to sleep" campaign that has saved many baby's lives. This book will give you many answers for how to get your child to sleep in their own bed. I found that it really had specific ideas for every possible scenario and I tried many of them. While it didn't "fix" it right away, it gave us the confidence that not only was there hope but that there were many other parents out there going through the same thing. And that eventually, she would grow out of it. And she has, by now at age 5.5, made HUGE strides in sleeping in her bed almost the whole night!
July 6, 2012
80% of the advice in here is stuff we were doing already because we've read Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, Revised Edition: Birth to Age 5 and The Baby Book: Everything You Need to Know About Your Baby from Birth to Age Two. We were following this advice before, during, and after our daughter's sleep problems developed. Another 10% of the advice was just ridiculous grasping at straws. Then 5% is just waiting for the problem to get better (which the author explicitly says the book isn't in her introduction and throughout), and the last 5% is hidden way in the back is just a modified cry-it-out.
If this is maybe the first parenting book you've read or if you were too tired to pay attention to the other books, that 80% is all still good advice. But if, like me, you were already following these practices, you might want to try Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems: New, Revised, and Expanded Edition. It worked for us with a max of 13 minutes of crying on the first night. By day four she was sleeping through the night with only one or two brief wakings. Today is day seven and my seven-month-old daughter slept for 10 hours straight.
If this is maybe the first parenting book you've read or if you were too tired to pay attention to the other books, that 80% is all still good advice. But if, like me, you were already following these practices, you might want to try Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems: New, Revised, and Expanded Edition. It worked for us with a max of 13 minutes of crying on the first night. By day four she was sleeping through the night with only one or two brief wakings. Today is day seven and my seven-month-old daughter slept for 10 hours straight.
September 6, 2009
The excellent podcast "pregtastic" has an interview with the author of this book on their website. It's episode 139 May 19, 2009 or you can click here: http://www.pregtastic.com/new-moms-ne...
William Sears writes the forward for this book in which he says:
"Sleep -or more accurately, the lack of sleep- is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting during the first year or two of a baby's life. The biggest hurdle is getting the baby to sleep through the night. Parents who are sensitive to their baby's needs are reluctant to try any technique that requires that they let their baby cry, so they often struggle through a fog of sleeplessness. This 'nighttime-martyr parenting' often leads to frustration and resentment, resulting in unnecessary feelings of guilt and obscuring a family's joy over the new arrival. ... At long last, I've found a book that I can hand weary parents with the confidence that they can learn to help their baby sleep through the night -without the baby crying it out."
The author says:
"Fourteen years ago, when Angela (her oldest of four) was a baby, I faced your dilemma. She did not sleep through the night. On the contrary, she woke up every two hours for my attention. As a new and inexperienced parent, I searched for solutions in books, articles, and conversations with other parents. ... I soon discovered two basic schools of thought when it comes to babies and sleep. One side advocates letting a baby cry until she learns to fall asleep on her own. The other side says that it is normal for babies to wake up at night and that it is the parent's job to nurture the baby -all day and all night. Eventually, when your baby is ready, she will sleep through the night. ... In a nutshell, the two methods can be summed up as 'cry it out' or 'live with it.' I wanted neither." (p. 2-3)
"Typically, when a frequent night-waking baby wakes up and starts to cry, he's not hungry or thirsty or wet or even lonely; he's just plain tired, as desperate for sleep, perhaps, as his parents but, unlike them, clueless as how to fall asleep." (p. 45) Your job is to either put them to sleep every time they wake up or teach them how they can put themselves back to sleep and set them up for success with routines, sleep associations, and paying attention to their cues.
Not having kids yet, I read The No-Cry Sleep Solution for two things: to get a realistic idea of what I can expect 'normal' infant sleep to be like and to hopefully hit the ground with a few tricks already in the bag.
Excerpts I found especially interesting:
"Babies make many sleeping sounds, from grunts to whimpers to outright cries [even shouting "mom!" when they're older:], and these noises don't always signal awakening. These are what I call sleeping noises, and your baby is nearly or even totally asleep during these episodes. These are not the cries that mean, "Mommy, I need you!" They are just sleeping sounds. ... In [your:] desire to respond to [your:] baby's every cry, [you may:] actually [teach:] her to wake up more often." p.76
"Many people put their babies to bed much too late, often hoping that if baby is 'really tired' he will sleep better. This often backfires because baby becomes overtired and chronically sleep-deprived. ... A baby's biological clock is preset for an early bedtime. When parents work with that time, a baby falls asleep more easily and stays asleep more peacefully. Most babies are primed to go to sleep for the night as early as 6:30 or 7:00pm. ... plan for it by beginning your prebed routine an hour before. ... For babies, early to bed does not mean early to rise. Most babies sleep better and longer with an earlier bedtime. ... Many [parents:] were truly surprised to find that an earlier bedtime really did help their baby fall asleep easier and faster and often encouraged better sleep and a later waking time." p.103-104 I know this is true for me even as an adult. I get drowsy around 9 pm. If I try to power through that drowsiness to squeeze even one more hour out of the day, then often when I climb into bed at 10:00 I find myself laying awake until 2 am, unable to drift off.
"During the night, we move through a sleep cycle, riding it up and down like a wave. We cycle through light sleep to deep sleep to dreaming all through the night. In between these stages, we briefly come to the surface, without awakening fully. We may fluff a pillow, straighten blankets, or roll over, but generally we fade right back into sleep with nary a memory of the episode. ... Babies move through the same sleep cycles as adults do, but their cycles are shorter and more numerous. Babies also spend much more time in light sleep [dream sleep or REM:] than adults do, and they have many more of those in-between stages of brief awakenings." p.41-44 A "mother's best long-term sleep enhancer is to learn how to pretend to be asleep while listening to baby's sounds. And to wait. Your baby just may fall back to sleep (or may turn out not to have actually been awake in the first place) without your help. If she needs to breastfeed, you'll know that soon enough." p.78
There are many more bits explored in the book. Sleep associations, for example, are discussed and how to form the ones you want and avoid the ones you don't. Biological clocks' development are explained by age with tips on how to help them along, such as keeping it dim or dark at night, exposing the baby to natural light in the morning, and developing a routine. Avoiding activity that might wake baby up all the way includes not just leaving lights off and avoiding play, but also skipping diaper changes that aren't absolutely necessary (just be sure to start off the night w/plenty of ointment to avoid rashes). Also discussed is how getting a baby to 'sleep through the night' is an ongoing task: just when it's all sorted out, along comes a new tooth, illness, growth spurt, or milestone to throw it out of whack again. A growth spurt brings back the night feeding for a little while. A milestone interferes with sleep in all kinds of ways: if a baby is learning to stand, for example, he may pull himself to a stand with the crib railing and not be able to figure out how to sit down again; he may roll over onto his stomach and be ticked off about it and need help getting onto his back. Or his mind, eager to devour everything in sight, may be too distracted to nurse quietly during the day and he will try to make up for this by nursing at night.
As much as I like this book, I like the information in Good Night Sleep Tight even better. Both are worth reading, but if you only have time for one I'd lean towards Good Night, Sleep Tight.
William Sears writes the forward for this book in which he says:
"Sleep -or more accurately, the lack of sleep- is one of the most challenging aspects of parenting during the first year or two of a baby's life. The biggest hurdle is getting the baby to sleep through the night. Parents who are sensitive to their baby's needs are reluctant to try any technique that requires that they let their baby cry, so they often struggle through a fog of sleeplessness. This 'nighttime-martyr parenting' often leads to frustration and resentment, resulting in unnecessary feelings of guilt and obscuring a family's joy over the new arrival. ... At long last, I've found a book that I can hand weary parents with the confidence that they can learn to help their baby sleep through the night -without the baby crying it out."
The author says:
"Fourteen years ago, when Angela (her oldest of four) was a baby, I faced your dilemma. She did not sleep through the night. On the contrary, she woke up every two hours for my attention. As a new and inexperienced parent, I searched for solutions in books, articles, and conversations with other parents. ... I soon discovered two basic schools of thought when it comes to babies and sleep. One side advocates letting a baby cry until she learns to fall asleep on her own. The other side says that it is normal for babies to wake up at night and that it is the parent's job to nurture the baby -all day and all night. Eventually, when your baby is ready, she will sleep through the night. ... In a nutshell, the two methods can be summed up as 'cry it out' or 'live with it.' I wanted neither." (p. 2-3)
"Typically, when a frequent night-waking baby wakes up and starts to cry, he's not hungry or thirsty or wet or even lonely; he's just plain tired, as desperate for sleep, perhaps, as his parents but, unlike them, clueless as how to fall asleep." (p. 45) Your job is to either put them to sleep every time they wake up or teach them how they can put themselves back to sleep and set them up for success with routines, sleep associations, and paying attention to their cues.
Not having kids yet, I read The No-Cry Sleep Solution for two things: to get a realistic idea of what I can expect 'normal' infant sleep to be like and to hopefully hit the ground with a few tricks already in the bag.
Excerpts I found especially interesting:
"Babies make many sleeping sounds, from grunts to whimpers to outright cries [even shouting "mom!" when they're older:], and these noises don't always signal awakening. These are what I call sleeping noises, and your baby is nearly or even totally asleep during these episodes. These are not the cries that mean, "Mommy, I need you!" They are just sleeping sounds. ... In [your:] desire to respond to [your:] baby's every cry, [you may:] actually [teach:] her to wake up more often." p.76
"Many people put their babies to bed much too late, often hoping that if baby is 'really tired' he will sleep better. This often backfires because baby becomes overtired and chronically sleep-deprived. ... A baby's biological clock is preset for an early bedtime. When parents work with that time, a baby falls asleep more easily and stays asleep more peacefully. Most babies are primed to go to sleep for the night as early as 6:30 or 7:00pm. ... plan for it by beginning your prebed routine an hour before. ... For babies, early to bed does not mean early to rise. Most babies sleep better and longer with an earlier bedtime. ... Many [parents:] were truly surprised to find that an earlier bedtime really did help their baby fall asleep easier and faster and often encouraged better sleep and a later waking time." p.103-104 I know this is true for me even as an adult. I get drowsy around 9 pm. If I try to power through that drowsiness to squeeze even one more hour out of the day, then often when I climb into bed at 10:00 I find myself laying awake until 2 am, unable to drift off.
"During the night, we move through a sleep cycle, riding it up and down like a wave. We cycle through light sleep to deep sleep to dreaming all through the night. In between these stages, we briefly come to the surface, without awakening fully. We may fluff a pillow, straighten blankets, or roll over, but generally we fade right back into sleep with nary a memory of the episode. ... Babies move through the same sleep cycles as adults do, but their cycles are shorter and more numerous. Babies also spend much more time in light sleep [dream sleep or REM:] than adults do, and they have many more of those in-between stages of brief awakenings." p.41-44 A "mother's best long-term sleep enhancer is to learn how to pretend to be asleep while listening to baby's sounds. And to wait. Your baby just may fall back to sleep (or may turn out not to have actually been awake in the first place) without your help. If she needs to breastfeed, you'll know that soon enough." p.78
There are many more bits explored in the book. Sleep associations, for example, are discussed and how to form the ones you want and avoid the ones you don't. Biological clocks' development are explained by age with tips on how to help them along, such as keeping it dim or dark at night, exposing the baby to natural light in the morning, and developing a routine. Avoiding activity that might wake baby up all the way includes not just leaving lights off and avoiding play, but also skipping diaper changes that aren't absolutely necessary (just be sure to start off the night w/plenty of ointment to avoid rashes). Also discussed is how getting a baby to 'sleep through the night' is an ongoing task: just when it's all sorted out, along comes a new tooth, illness, growth spurt, or milestone to throw it out of whack again. A growth spurt brings back the night feeding for a little while. A milestone interferes with sleep in all kinds of ways: if a baby is learning to stand, for example, he may pull himself to a stand with the crib railing and not be able to figure out how to sit down again; he may roll over onto his stomach and be ticked off about it and need help getting onto his back. Or his mind, eager to devour everything in sight, may be too distracted to nurse quietly during the day and he will try to make up for this by nursing at night.
As much as I like this book, I like the information in Good Night Sleep Tight even better. Both are worth reading, but if you only have time for one I'd lean towards Good Night, Sleep Tight.
April 16, 2013
A beacon of hope to those mired in the fog of sleep deprivation.
There is an almost universal malady among parents of young children and babies and it’s called Sleep Deprived. You know if you suffer from this condition if your baggy eyes remind you to that you need to call Grandma June, your pillow hair resists all attempts at taming, you put the cereal in the fridge and milk in the cupboard, and slinged to your body is a bundle from heaven for whom all of this is worthwhile.
But you think, “Can’t I have this wonderful baby AND get some sleep?”
What if I said, “Yes”?
If you’re like me you’d say, “But I can’t—won’t make her cry.”
What if I still said, “Yes”?
It is possible. I know because I was there and we did it thanks to a wonderful book called The No-Cry Sleep Solution. Instead of a one-size-fits all approach this book respects the unique combination of you and your baby’s temperaments. Not once, has there ever been a mom exactly like you, nor a baby exactly like yours. This wonderful variety among people almost ensures that whatever trick worked for someone else probably won’t for you, and you’re left feeling like you’re doing something wrong. This book supports different parenting styles by offering help for nursing moms, bottle fed babies, pacifier users, co-sleeper and crib sleepers alike and provides dozens ideas from which you plot your own route out of the fog of sleep deprivation.
At four months old, my first daughter Danielle was only waking once a night and we thought the worst was behind us. However, her sleep got progressively worse as she started teething and reaching developmental milestones. I knew my tenderhearted husband and I would not be able to muster the wherewithal to let her cry-it-out, as her doctor and many of my friends felt was the only way.
According to my sleep logs, at about 9 months of age I was up 11 times a night tending to every little whimper and perceived sign of discomfort. She was sleeping a total of 8 ½ hours a night with only one or two short 45 minute naps a day. I was exhausted, desperate, and feeling like a failure because I couldn’t help my spirited little baby get the rest she needed. Other babies I knew that were her age were taking two, two-hour naps a day and sleeping 12 hours a night! What was I doing wrong? It turned out that my spirited baby wasn't wired to sleep as much as other babies, and that’s OK. Using this book, I learned how to set her circadian rhythms, (and my own) and how to prime her for sleep. With something as simple as setting an early bedtime, she improved her sleep by almost 2 hours a night! Further, I was able to learn to which night-wakings I needed to respond and which was normal sleep movements and noises. I was waking the poor thing up! The map I created led us to a place we could live in. It still fell short of other people’s standards, but that was OK; because as Elizabeth teaches it’s only a problem, if we feel it's a problem. And we no longer did.
By the time Gabrielle came along, all those changes we made to our daily life that felt unnatural four years ago were now intuitive. I followed Elizabeth’s advice without even being conscious of it and had a much easier time helping her sleep well from the beginning. Although, we too found ourselves in rough waters, but Elizabeth’s book was right there, whispering words of kindly advice like breezes into my sails, righting our course and sending us to the pleasant waters of restful nights.
How this Book Works
One of the first things Elizabeth says is to “use this book however it is helpful to you”. You don’t like the idea of doing logs all night or the formality of creating a sleep plan? Don't. It’s OK. The strength of this book is the ideas, support and hope it provides. It is a map showing many routes out of the fog of sleep deprivation. You build your own boat, choose the beacons and the speed at which you travel. The magic is that with her ideas and your perseverance, they all lead to a sunnier place.
Do a Safety Check
Whether you plan to co-sleep, use a co-sleeper or crib there are important safety considerations to follow. I found the co-sleeping safety advice particularly helpful, most other resources simply discourage the practice and since I chose to do it anyway, I was grateful that Elizabeth showed me how to do it safely.
Learn Basic Sleep Facts
Just the most important facts about sleep and circadian rhythms to help you understand how the following solutions will help.
Sleep Logs
Logging what’s actually happening at night to help you asses your current situation. This is probably the most discouraging step, but hang in there—help is coming!
Review and Choose Solutions
I was relieved when I got to this point. The solutions are divided into sections based on age: newborn to four-months-old and four-months to two-years old.
Create your Personal Sleep Plan
This is the fun part. You pick and choose from all the wonderful ideas to create a plan that fits you and your baby.
The second half of the book deals with logging your nights using your new plan so you can track your progress and troubleshoot the rough spots. It may take several iterations to achieve the goals you set, but you’re well on your way. At this point I began to think of Elizabeth as my wise friend and the other moms as my sleep support group. Their testimonies, woven throughout the book, are very comforting and supportive. The book wraps up with more information about revising your plan and logging your results as well as information about how to get you sleeping again, once baby is doing better.
It is a concise 246 pages, chock full of advice, support and only the most pertinent clinical information. After all, tired mamas shouldn't have to wade through a thousand page tome of medical jargon to glean a little help and hope.
Once you've navigated out of the fog of sleep deprivation, you can bask in the love and beauty of your baby. You’ll see with clarity routes through the many challenges of parenthood and life. Each night you can go to bed relaxed knowing that you have the skills to navigate through future patches of rough water, thanks to your perseverance and this lovely book.
There is an almost universal malady among parents of young children and babies and it’s called Sleep Deprived. You know if you suffer from this condition if your baggy eyes remind you to that you need to call Grandma June, your pillow hair resists all attempts at taming, you put the cereal in the fridge and milk in the cupboard, and slinged to your body is a bundle from heaven for whom all of this is worthwhile.
But you think, “Can’t I have this wonderful baby AND get some sleep?”
What if I said, “Yes”?
If you’re like me you’d say, “But I can’t—won’t make her cry.”
What if I still said, “Yes”?
It is possible. I know because I was there and we did it thanks to a wonderful book called The No-Cry Sleep Solution. Instead of a one-size-fits all approach this book respects the unique combination of you and your baby’s temperaments. Not once, has there ever been a mom exactly like you, nor a baby exactly like yours. This wonderful variety among people almost ensures that whatever trick worked for someone else probably won’t for you, and you’re left feeling like you’re doing something wrong. This book supports different parenting styles by offering help for nursing moms, bottle fed babies, pacifier users, co-sleeper and crib sleepers alike and provides dozens ideas from which you plot your own route out of the fog of sleep deprivation.
At four months old, my first daughter Danielle was only waking once a night and we thought the worst was behind us. However, her sleep got progressively worse as she started teething and reaching developmental milestones. I knew my tenderhearted husband and I would not be able to muster the wherewithal to let her cry-it-out, as her doctor and many of my friends felt was the only way.
According to my sleep logs, at about 9 months of age I was up 11 times a night tending to every little whimper and perceived sign of discomfort. She was sleeping a total of 8 ½ hours a night with only one or two short 45 minute naps a day. I was exhausted, desperate, and feeling like a failure because I couldn’t help my spirited little baby get the rest she needed. Other babies I knew that were her age were taking two, two-hour naps a day and sleeping 12 hours a night! What was I doing wrong? It turned out that my spirited baby wasn't wired to sleep as much as other babies, and that’s OK. Using this book, I learned how to set her circadian rhythms, (and my own) and how to prime her for sleep. With something as simple as setting an early bedtime, she improved her sleep by almost 2 hours a night! Further, I was able to learn to which night-wakings I needed to respond and which was normal sleep movements and noises. I was waking the poor thing up! The map I created led us to a place we could live in. It still fell short of other people’s standards, but that was OK; because as Elizabeth teaches it’s only a problem, if we feel it's a problem. And we no longer did.
By the time Gabrielle came along, all those changes we made to our daily life that felt unnatural four years ago were now intuitive. I followed Elizabeth’s advice without even being conscious of it and had a much easier time helping her sleep well from the beginning. Although, we too found ourselves in rough waters, but Elizabeth’s book was right there, whispering words of kindly advice like breezes into my sails, righting our course and sending us to the pleasant waters of restful nights.
How this Book Works
One of the first things Elizabeth says is to “use this book however it is helpful to you”. You don’t like the idea of doing logs all night or the formality of creating a sleep plan? Don't. It’s OK. The strength of this book is the ideas, support and hope it provides. It is a map showing many routes out of the fog of sleep deprivation. You build your own boat, choose the beacons and the speed at which you travel. The magic is that with her ideas and your perseverance, they all lead to a sunnier place.
Do a Safety Check
Whether you plan to co-sleep, use a co-sleeper or crib there are important safety considerations to follow. I found the co-sleeping safety advice particularly helpful, most other resources simply discourage the practice and since I chose to do it anyway, I was grateful that Elizabeth showed me how to do it safely.
Learn Basic Sleep Facts
Just the most important facts about sleep and circadian rhythms to help you understand how the following solutions will help.
Sleep Logs
Logging what’s actually happening at night to help you asses your current situation. This is probably the most discouraging step, but hang in there—help is coming!
Review and Choose Solutions
I was relieved when I got to this point. The solutions are divided into sections based on age: newborn to four-months-old and four-months to two-years old.
Create your Personal Sleep Plan
This is the fun part. You pick and choose from all the wonderful ideas to create a plan that fits you and your baby.
The second half of the book deals with logging your nights using your new plan so you can track your progress and troubleshoot the rough spots. It may take several iterations to achieve the goals you set, but you’re well on your way. At this point I began to think of Elizabeth as my wise friend and the other moms as my sleep support group. Their testimonies, woven throughout the book, are very comforting and supportive. The book wraps up with more information about revising your plan and logging your results as well as information about how to get you sleeping again, once baby is doing better.
It is a concise 246 pages, chock full of advice, support and only the most pertinent clinical information. After all, tired mamas shouldn't have to wade through a thousand page tome of medical jargon to glean a little help and hope.
Once you've navigated out of the fog of sleep deprivation, you can bask in the love and beauty of your baby. You’ll see with clarity routes through the many challenges of parenthood and life. Each night you can go to bed relaxed knowing that you have the skills to navigate through future patches of rough water, thanks to your perseverance and this lovely book.
November 13, 2010
The only baby "help" book I've ever read, because it's all I've ever needed.
I'm not buying into that "let your child scream themselves to sleep" thing. A baby is not a toddler, a baby is not a preschooler, a baby is not a naughty little child who is angry about having to go to bed. A baby is just that, a completey helpless human who relies on only ONE method to let you know MANY different things: cry.
I'm already biased going into this book to read it, that I don't believe in "cry it out" and I won't practice it on my kids. So I appreciate finding book that claims to be "gentle" in its approach to helping your baby sleep through the night. For those of us parents who didn't have those miraculous wonder babies who slept through the night at 2-months on.
She has this heart-wrenching section at the beginning on the physiological makeup of "cry it out", for those who maybe want somejustification for not doing that and have well-meaning relatives who say "Well you cried yourself to sleep at four months old and you turned out fine". Maybe, maybe not. Here's what I know, it was done to me and it takes me forever to fall asleep. I have to have this huge ordeal/routine to fall asleep and I'm a very light sleeper. It's not always pleasant. My husband on the other hand, was never left to cry, and he can fall asleep anywhere, just by sitting still enough. Must be nice? Maybe means nothing at all? Never will know. I just know with MY kids, in this time of "attachment parenting awareness", it isn't practiced by me.
Pantley's biggest key is CONSISTENCY. It's her claim that sticking to it is what will finally "click". We started our bedtime routine with our then-8-month-old baby and it took 3 months for him to "click". At 11 months, he slept all night long, that is, bedtime to wake time and not one peep. So...safe to say 3 months of a very consistent routine (read: not schedule...routine). He's now 3 years old and we're still there. HE still uses some "sleep cues" (explained in the book) to help him fall asleep.
Pantley is a huge advocate on co-sleeping, which I'm not practicing, but I can't slam the door on either. Since my first child was a rotten sleeper, I'm now in the camp that says "Who cares where the kid falls asleep, as long as he SLEEPS". She's also a stickler that every.single.member of the family needs to sleep where they can get the best sleep. I get it now.
I've lent this book to three or four friends, and I can't remember who has it now. It's worth the buy, even full-price.
I'm not buying into that "let your child scream themselves to sleep" thing. A baby is not a toddler, a baby is not a preschooler, a baby is not a naughty little child who is angry about having to go to bed. A baby is just that, a completey helpless human who relies on only ONE method to let you know MANY different things: cry.
I'm already biased going into this book to read it, that I don't believe in "cry it out" and I won't practice it on my kids. So I appreciate finding book that claims to be "gentle" in its approach to helping your baby sleep through the night. For those of us parents who didn't have those miraculous wonder babies who slept through the night at 2-months on.
She has this heart-wrenching section at the beginning on the physiological makeup of "cry it out", for those who maybe want somejustification for not doing that and have well-meaning relatives who say "Well you cried yourself to sleep at four months old and you turned out fine". Maybe, maybe not. Here's what I know, it was done to me and it takes me forever to fall asleep. I have to have this huge ordeal/routine to fall asleep and I'm a very light sleeper. It's not always pleasant. My husband on the other hand, was never left to cry, and he can fall asleep anywhere, just by sitting still enough. Must be nice? Maybe means nothing at all? Never will know. I just know with MY kids, in this time of "attachment parenting awareness", it isn't practiced by me.
Pantley's biggest key is CONSISTENCY. It's her claim that sticking to it is what will finally "click". We started our bedtime routine with our then-8-month-old baby and it took 3 months for him to "click". At 11 months, he slept all night long, that is, bedtime to wake time and not one peep. So...safe to say 3 months of a very consistent routine (read: not schedule...routine). He's now 3 years old and we're still there. HE still uses some "sleep cues" (explained in the book) to help him fall asleep.
Pantley is a huge advocate on co-sleeping, which I'm not practicing, but I can't slam the door on either. Since my first child was a rotten sleeper, I'm now in the camp that says "Who cares where the kid falls asleep, as long as he SLEEPS". She's also a stickler that every.single.member of the family needs to sleep where they can get the best sleep. I get it now.
I've lent this book to three or four friends, and I can't remember who has it now. It's worth the buy, even full-price.
July 2, 2008
I liked this book and found it to be helpful. That said, my baby did not have major sleep issues when I started it, nor was he an older baby (he was about 5 months). We were also instinctively using some of the book's recommendations already, so that made implementing it much easier.
We're not interested in letting our baby cry it out and this book helped us feel supported in that stance. It's true that many of the suggestions are commonsense, but we found this book helped to "tie it all together" and really motivated us to develop a cohesive plan for getting our son to sleep better (we had difficulty with both naps and night-waking and he nursed to sleep about 75% of the time).
This book does take patience and is not at all a quick fix. We've been doing our "plan" for three weeks and we have seen improvements, not miracles. I feel confident that if we continue for another few weeks, our baby will finally sleep as well as we all would like him to. The author does warn repeatedly that it will take a month or two to see results.
I would recommend this book to parents of newborns. To me, it's a likely follow-up to "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and helps address some of the issues you may face after the techniques in HBOTB are lo longer relevant. If you are committed to gentle parenting and would like to get more sleep, I would recommend this book - it can't hurt and will most likely help your plight.
We're not interested in letting our baby cry it out and this book helped us feel supported in that stance. It's true that many of the suggestions are commonsense, but we found this book helped to "tie it all together" and really motivated us to develop a cohesive plan for getting our son to sleep better (we had difficulty with both naps and night-waking and he nursed to sleep about 75% of the time).
This book does take patience and is not at all a quick fix. We've been doing our "plan" for three weeks and we have seen improvements, not miracles. I feel confident that if we continue for another few weeks, our baby will finally sleep as well as we all would like him to. The author does warn repeatedly that it will take a month or two to see results.
I would recommend this book to parents of newborns. To me, it's a likely follow-up to "The Happiest Baby on the Block" and helps address some of the issues you may face after the techniques in HBOTB are lo longer relevant. If you are committed to gentle parenting and would like to get more sleep, I would recommend this book - it can't hurt and will most likely help your plight.
January 19, 2010
This book is the opposite of the BabyWise series, that I used for my first born child. It recommends a way to get your baby to sleep without using the "cry it out" method. I love the idea because it's so hard to listen to your little one cry but the book was not for me and my second born child. The book advises you to put the baby to sleep, however you usually do (nursing, rocking, swaying, etc.), but lay the baby down JUST BEFORE the baby is truly asleep. If the baby wakes up at all, pick them back up and repeat. I did this OVER and OVER and OVER for THREE hours one night and by then, I was exhausted!! It is meant for babies that do NOT sleep ANYWHERE throughout the night. I purchased it to try to find a way to get my co-sleeping baby OUT of my bed but she SLEEPS 4-6 hours straight in my bed!! I'd rather have her SLEEPING, even if believed to be unsafe by many, than repeat the book's method all night long where NEITHER one of us gets ANY sleep.
November 21, 2020
As a parent of 4 children, I have read a lot of baby books. The No-Cry Sleep Solution is one of the few that really spoke to me, as an attachment-style parent. The idea of letting a helpless tiny baby cry out her fear of abandonment never sat well with me. As my babies turned into toddlers, I bought the follow up book too. All 4 of our kids were naturally night-hawks, staying up late and sleeping until 10am or later. It was refreshing to read about understanding their biological rhythms and not be made to feel I was a bad parent for not having them asleep by 6pm. It was a schedule that worked well for us. (Now they're teens, and still staying up late!)
November 21, 2020
This was such a helpful book after just becoming a mother and when I was starting to have issues with my daughter and her sleep schedule. It made me feel like I was a normal person and made me feel like what I was going through was completely normal. Elizabeth also offers great suggestions and advice for helping to get kiddo back to a schedule. Thank you so much and I definitely recommend it!
March 24, 2021
The No Cry Sleep Solution is a great resource for parents looking for a variety of suggestions to help their little one sleep through the night. I greatly appreciated that this book gave suggestions for a variety of babies and situations including breast-fed vs. bottle-fed, crib sleeper vs. cosleeper, pacifier user vs. non-pacifier user, and newborns vs. babies older than four months—rather than dictating which setup you need to use for the sleep training to work (which is unrealistic for most families). (I will say it leaned heavily towards helping cosleeping parents—which is completely fine, it just might be a frustrating read if those sections don’t apply to you).
That being said, I can’t speak to how successful this method is yet. My baby sleeps in 3-4 hour chunks now (as opposed to 2 hour chunks like he used to do), but I’m not entirely sure if that’s just because he’s getting better at sleeping now that he’s older than 6 weeks, or because the methods in this book work, since I haven’t been applying them thoroughly yet. We’ll see how it goes.
I will say some of the “dramatic” sleep improvements have more to do with the parents resolving their own bad habits than the sleep solutions actually working. For example, the author noted her baby would “wake” 12 times a night to nurse, but that’s just because she assumed every stirring was a desire to nurse...her baby probably would have happily fallen back asleep by himself.
That being said, I can’t speak to how successful this method is yet. My baby sleeps in 3-4 hour chunks now (as opposed to 2 hour chunks like he used to do), but I’m not entirely sure if that’s just because he’s getting better at sleeping now that he’s older than 6 weeks, or because the methods in this book work, since I haven’t been applying them thoroughly yet. We’ll see how it goes.
I will say some of the “dramatic” sleep improvements have more to do with the parents resolving their own bad habits than the sleep solutions actually working. For example, the author noted her baby would “wake” 12 times a night to nurse, but that’s just because she assumed every stirring was a desire to nurse...her baby probably would have happily fallen back asleep by himself.
July 4, 2023
Nothing I've never really heard before.
I felt the author was a bi snobbish not taking into consideration people who have to give formula and can't breast feed etc.
I feel like what I did gain was more compassion and patience with my baby. Realizing that a lo of people go through the struggle of babies and sleep and it was comforting to know i'm not the only one.
On the other hand I feel like I still don't have a strategy in place. The book basically say track everything and then every week try something different and see what works. It gives some suggestions like try no cry method, try cry method, try comforting baby, try being in the room with baby, etc etc.
I felt the author was a bi snobbish not taking into consideration people who have to give formula and can't breast feed etc.
I feel like what I did gain was more compassion and patience with my baby. Realizing that a lo of people go through the struggle of babies and sleep and it was comforting to know i'm not the only one.
On the other hand I feel like I still don't have a strategy in place. The book basically say track everything and then every week try something different and see what works. It gives some suggestions like try no cry method, try cry method, try comforting baby, try being in the room with baby, etc etc.
November 22, 2020
I love this book. I used the first edition for 4 of my kids and got the new edition for my 6th baby. It is so helpful for all situations and different kids personalities. With my 6th baby I was beyond my breaking point getting up every hour to soothe her. She would make herself sick by crying so long. I pulled out my trusted book, now like a dear friend. By carefully following the guidance of this book it didn’t take my baby long to learn how to sleep soundly through the night. Elizabeth Pantley is also personally involved and happy to answer questions and help how she can. For your sanity, and a good nights rest, I highly recommend this book.
April 9, 2022
Really not sure how to rate this since I haven't been through it yet,
It didn't seem like a tried-and-tested solution at all.
There are good tips in here, but as for rock-solid methodology - no.
To be fair, Pantley admits that. All babies are different, and you need to find what works for you and your baby. Well, yeah. That's a pretty logical conclusion for anyone, including non-parents, to come to.
It didn't seem like a tried-and-tested solution at all.
There are good tips in here, but as for rock-solid methodology - no.
To be fair, Pantley admits that. All babies are different, and you need to find what works for you and your baby. Well, yeah. That's a pretty logical conclusion for anyone, including non-parents, to come to.
February 18, 2009
A re-read
Good info on baby sleep needs and what you should reasonable expect as a parent. The book is genius at explaining how to teach your baby to get to sleep on his own without having to make him cry until he passes out.
I like how the book presents info and ideas and lets you as
the assumed intelligent adult make the right specific decisions for your family. So many "sleep" books tend towards the "do it our way or else your child will be sleepy and bratty". I also like the little personal snippets from her test readers.
I use the method to teach them how to get to sleep after they're a year old but you could use it earlier. You could even use it in conjunction with a schedule method if you wanted. There is the Cry It Out Camp and there is the Parent At Any Hour Camp and then there is this middle ground of ease them into being able to sleep by themselves without them having to CIO so you don't have to parent as much (or at all) at night. Love it.
Good info on baby sleep needs and what you should reasonable expect as a parent. The book is genius at explaining how to teach your baby to get to sleep on his own without having to make him cry until he passes out.
I like how the book presents info and ideas and lets you as
the assumed intelligent adult make the right specific decisions for your family. So many "sleep" books tend towards the "do it our way or else your child will be sleepy and bratty". I also like the little personal snippets from her test readers.
I use the method to teach them how to get to sleep after they're a year old but you could use it earlier. You could even use it in conjunction with a schedule method if you wanted. There is the Cry It Out Camp and there is the Parent At Any Hour Camp and then there is this middle ground of ease them into being able to sleep by themselves without them having to CIO so you don't have to parent as much (or at all) at night. Love it.
December 22, 2008
This book was extremely informative, because it provided great insight into sleep rhythms and other information that affects how well someone sleeps at night. My goal is to begin using the tips for newborns as soon as the baby comes home from the hospital. Let's see if the author's approach will work. Most of her tips make sense so I am feeling optimistic. Plus, I like to have a third option instead of picking between "suck it up" or "let the baby cry it out", since someone is going to be very unhappy with either one of these choices.
January 9, 2017
This book saved my sanity. With a chorus of people telling me to just "let her cry it out" I was overwhelmingly grateful to find this book which supported my need to find another way. We're in the early stages of using Pantley's suggestions, but we've already seen improvements in fewer night wakings. The best lesson I've learned (so far) as a parent is to always do what feels right and to never give in to something that feels wrong. I have a plan and I feel so much more in control of my life now that we can work on getting more sleep-for everybody!
January 30, 2008
This is one of my favorite books on infant sleep. I really appreciated the tone of this book. The author offers many helpful suggestions for helping babies sleep depending on your parenting style and your babies temperament. So many other sleep books I've read try to tell you that their way is the only way and you must be doing something wrong if it isn't working for your child. It was refreshing to read something that gave ideas without the guilt trip.
September 29, 2020
Quality Content. Intuitive approach with patience at the centre
Easy read and simple steps. Whilst I have not yet started to implement her suggestions alot of what she has diiscribed I am doing already with my newborn, at 11 weeks baby it's a great time to read and ake sure I am prepared and setting up for successful sleep in the future.
Easy read and simple steps. Whilst I have not yet started to implement her suggestions alot of what she has diiscribed I am doing already with my newborn, at 11 weeks baby it's a great time to read and ake sure I am prepared and setting up for successful sleep in the future.
July 13, 2018
It has some good ideas and points to follow, but it could be covered in some 30 pages. The rest of the 300 pages are full of nothing and repeating over and over the same nothing.
October 8, 2019
I want to hug Elizabeth Pantley! And if I did, I'm sure I would cry all over her. I haven't even done a fraction of the work she describes, and my 9-month-old son and I are already sleeping better. Book after book and blog after blog treat baby sleep as something to be dissected and managed, while *breaking* baby of all those nasty sleep habits. And in the end, the story is "cry it out" or "live with it." I said over and over there had to be another way. I refused to believe that the only way to help your child sleep is to wage war with your natural instincts. What did ancient mothers do without a scientist/pediatrician/insert-qualification-here telling them not to follow their instincts? And yet people have been sleeping for thousands of years. Elizabeth Pantley explains a gentle way to help baby do what he is naturally inclined to do... sleep. Maybe, as long as nothing is medically wrong, he just needs the right environment and a little (ok a lot) of patience from his caregivers. Also, at the very end there's a little section to help you pay off your sleep debt from all those night wakings. God bless you, Elizabeth Pantley!
August 22, 2014
Is it just me, or are sleep books so flipping annoying? They spend the first half telling you sleeping facts and statistics, a quarter of the book is raving success stories from parents who tried the method ("this author saved my life!) and maybe a quarter of the book is actual information of what to do. It's like, "I'm TIRED! That's why I'm reading this book. Cut the crap and get to the point." I like the premise of the book--you can still sleep train your baby without using the "cry it out method." (If you let your babies cry it out don't worry, I'm not judging you. I may be resorting to that reeeeaaal soon.) However, the author is a co-sleeping, breastfeed until they are toddlers type of mom so she leans much closer to attachment parenting than cry it out. I felt like her biggest point was to have a bedtime routine and I'm like, duh. I have Good Night, Sleep Tight on hold at the library. Please tell me it has more practical information. And yes, I will be skimming.
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