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Why Can't We Be Friends? : Avoidance Is Not Purity
The church stands firm against culture on many issues of sexuality . . . but misses this one!
Society says we are merely sexual beings and should embrace this, and in the church we use this same view as an excuse to distrust and avoid each other! We shy away from healthy friendship, and even our siblingship in Christ, in the name of purity and reputation . . . but is this what we are called to do?
Aimee Byrd reminds us that the way to stand against culture is not by allowing it to drive us apart—it is by seeking the brother-and-sister closeness we are privileged to have as Christians. Here is a plan for true, godly friendship between the sexes that embraces the family we truly are in Christ and serves as the exact witness the watching world needs.
Society says we are merely sexual beings and should embrace this, and in the church we use this same view as an excuse to distrust and avoid each other! We shy away from healthy friendship, and even our siblingship in Christ, in the name of purity and reputation . . . but is this what we are called to do?
Aimee Byrd reminds us that the way to stand against culture is not by allowing it to drive us apart—it is by seeking the brother-and-sister closeness we are privileged to have as Christians. Here is a plan for true, godly friendship between the sexes that embraces the family we truly are in Christ and serves as the exact witness the watching world needs.
250 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 27, 2018
75 people are currently reading
887 people want to read
About the author
Aimee Byrd
13 books195 followersAimee Byrd is just an ordinary mom of three who has also been a martial arts student, coffee shop owner, and Bible study teacher. Author of Housewife Theologian, she now blogs about theology and the Christian life and cohosts The Mortification of Spin podcast.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 79 reviews
July 13, 2018
I will work on a longer review in the coming weeks and post a link here when I am done. But for now I will say this. It is not a good or helpful book. She assumes what she must prove. She states principles all parties agree on and then assumes that leads to her particular application. Her exegesis of passages that are pertinent to the subject are weak (I Timothy 5, Genesis 1-3) or weird (Ephesians 5) and sparse. She does spend time on Scripture, but often it is passages that have no direct bearing on what is actually being debated. She does not interact with the reformed tradition (which she is part of) on the key points under debate. Does Baxter or Gouge or anyone else have something to say about the propriety of how men should interact with women? She does not explain what is and is not out of bounds. Is a dinner date at home with a woman I am not married to out of bounds? Why or why not? She assumes that right affections are enough to guard us without rules or regulations. The reality is that part of having righteous affections is making sure we set up boundaries to protect ourselves and others. She assumes that immaturity and fear are the primary reasons for rules and that if you are mature then you will not need rules. For some reason, which is not at all clear, she assumes the rise of martial infidelity among Christians over the last 25 years is not linked to men and women interacting more. She takes shots at purity culture and other "evangelical problems." But she never even imagines that the sexual issues of the day arise, in part, from the total breakdown of male and female roles, distinctions, and separation in society. This is an odd and fatal oversight especially in light of the fact that pastors and other religious leaders are frequently forced to step down for sexual impropriety and that many affairs begin in the work place for Christians where men and women interact regularly. She never entertains the idea that part of the problem in our age might be too much interaction between men and women despite the fact that we are living in a society where men and women interact on an unprecedented level. I cannot recommend the book even as a good exposition of a position I disagree with.
September 29, 2018
If I were to evaluate this book on the basis of independent observations Byrd made, it would be a four star book. But the two stars come from the fact that she came nowhere near assembling her (good) observations into an argument that supported her thesis.
August 13, 2020
"Why Can't We Be Friends?" is presented as a challenge to rethink our definition of purity, and prioritize it appropriately.
I appreciated parts of this book. If you've been negatively impacted by the purity movement, this book may offer some help in realigning your perspective. If you're prudish and judgmental of the friendships you see in the church, this book may challenge you in how you view others. If you have children, it may help you guide them in forming a healthy view of the sexes. But, I'm not convinced that this book alone effectively answers all the questions it attempts to cover.
The first half of the book lays out the problem: Byrd points to the film When Harry Met Sally as the source of the misguidance that is rampant in the church and in the culture on cross-gender relationships. In doing so, the church is caricatured with the broad strokes of a few individual anecdotes.
Byrd spends the second half of the book describing what relationships within the church should look like. The solution to the sticky issue is to embrace our identity in Christ and interact with fellow believers as the siblings they are.
Byrd does a great job of laying out a new foundation of thinking when it comes to friendship, but leaves us hanging when it comes to practical application. Her personal experiences reference her relationships with her biological brothers, her friendships with men who are not her peers, and her husband's relationships with women who are outside of the church, namely his female co-workers.
Byrd stresses the need for wisdom and discernment in all friendships, but simultaneously criticizes those who have recognized their own nature and attempted to safeguard their purity. This is especially apparent when she dismisses the "Billy Graham/Mike Pence Rule" as simply reactive to the "Billy Crystal Rule" (her term for the worldview presented in the movie When Harry Met Sally) without offering thoughtful reflection or constructive criticism. While telling the church to model affectionate, appropriate relationships to the world, she glosses over the messy reality of sinners interacting with other sinners this side of heaven, and that God uses more than just healthy friendships to sanctify us.
For its provocative title, "Why Can't We Be Friends?" is much less than provocative. While the book's thesis is that men and women in the church should "actually be more than friends" she closes with: "I am not calling for some kind of new movement within the church in which men and women begin flaunting their friendships. I want nothing to do with that. We don’t need a movement. We do need real friends."
I finished the book wishing it had been simply a guide to Christian friendship, one that focused more on church body life, Christian hospitality, etc. and less on "the sex thing." We need less to hear 'boys and girls can be friends,' and more that believers must be real friends to each other. This book makes a start, but I worry that it's misses it's potential by attempting to capitalize on the controversial nature of male-female friendship — having a buzzy title and a titillating intro, it neither lives up to the pre-pub hype nor the criticism.
I appreciated parts of this book. If you've been negatively impacted by the purity movement, this book may offer some help in realigning your perspective. If you're prudish and judgmental of the friendships you see in the church, this book may challenge you in how you view others. If you have children, it may help you guide them in forming a healthy view of the sexes. But, I'm not convinced that this book alone effectively answers all the questions it attempts to cover.
The first half of the book lays out the problem: Byrd points to the film When Harry Met Sally as the source of the misguidance that is rampant in the church and in the culture on cross-gender relationships. In doing so, the church is caricatured with the broad strokes of a few individual anecdotes.
Byrd spends the second half of the book describing what relationships within the church should look like. The solution to the sticky issue is to embrace our identity in Christ and interact with fellow believers as the siblings they are.
Byrd does a great job of laying out a new foundation of thinking when it comes to friendship, but leaves us hanging when it comes to practical application. Her personal experiences reference her relationships with her biological brothers, her friendships with men who are not her peers, and her husband's relationships with women who are outside of the church, namely his female co-workers.
Byrd stresses the need for wisdom and discernment in all friendships, but simultaneously criticizes those who have recognized their own nature and attempted to safeguard their purity. This is especially apparent when she dismisses the "Billy Graham/Mike Pence Rule" as simply reactive to the "Billy Crystal Rule" (her term for the worldview presented in the movie When Harry Met Sally) without offering thoughtful reflection or constructive criticism. While telling the church to model affectionate, appropriate relationships to the world, she glosses over the messy reality of sinners interacting with other sinners this side of heaven, and that God uses more than just healthy friendships to sanctify us.
For its provocative title, "Why Can't We Be Friends?" is much less than provocative. While the book's thesis is that men and women in the church should "actually be more than friends" she closes with: "I am not calling for some kind of new movement within the church in which men and women begin flaunting their friendships. I want nothing to do with that. We don’t need a movement. We do need real friends."
I finished the book wishing it had been simply a guide to Christian friendship, one that focused more on church body life, Christian hospitality, etc. and less on "the sex thing." We need less to hear 'boys and girls can be friends,' and more that believers must be real friends to each other. This book makes a start, but I worry that it's misses it's potential by attempting to capitalize on the controversial nature of male-female friendship — having a buzzy title and a titillating intro, it neither lives up to the pre-pub hype nor the criticism.
August 4, 2019
This is one of the most frustrating books I’ve ever read. It took me a while to finish because I didn’t want to read it. I kept at it because the author used to be one of the very few “good” female authors out there, and I was really hoping it would get better. I used to listen to her podcast with Truman and Pruitt, but stopped when I started reading this book.
I don’t even know where to begin how much I dislike this book, but here a few reasons:
- it’s a naive, idealistic view of men/women brother/sister relationships within the church, and therefore, esp in light of the #metoo movement, very dangerous.
- her catchphrase, “Avoidance is not purity” I totally agree with, generally speaking. Purity is mainly an issue of the heart, not outward behavior. However, avoidance could be purity; for example, avoiding pornographic sites that could lead one to sinful lust.
- she was ungracious toward Billy Graham, VP Mike Pence and others for their rule of not wanting to be alone with women other than their wives. She compared them to the Pharisees, that they’re self-absorbed, not thinking of how their rule affects the women view themselves.
- she misrepresented those men above by attributing their reason for their rule is bec they are suspicious of the opposite sex, that they view them as a threat. She doesn’t consider that perhaps they have a low view of themselves and know their sin tendencies. Does she consider that perhaps their rule is imposed because they love their sisters in the Lord so much that they don’t want them to be subjected to their lust?
- two examples she used why we should pursue this intimate friendship with the opposite sex: God’s perfect unity within the trinity, her relationship with her biological brother (their marriages don’t diminish their relationship nor hinder their time alone together - well, duh)
- she made a caveat that only spiritually mature people could engage in friendships with the opposite sex. But, how would one know if the other is?
- she assumed by not pursuing an intimate friendship with the opposite sex that we are not loving them. There are plenty of ways I could show love to my brothers in Christ that do not involve a one-on-one time alone with them.
If her point is to pursue friendships in a group setting, in couple friendships, a couple pursuing single people together, between two single people, I wouldn’t disagree with the book at all. I think we should pursue such relationships. But the problem with the book is she exalts the virtue of men pursuing platonic, personal friendships with women alone and vice versa, like the author does with her biological brother. Of course, it’s not the same and she’s naive to think we could all have that kind of friendship with any of our brothers in Christ. She downplays our sin tendencies.
I also don’t appreciate the tone of the book. She seems like she has an ax to grind, angry with the traditional complementarian view, almost feministic in a subtle way. It makes me so sad as she was one of the few women authors I liked.
I have never felt this strongly against a Christian book by, I thought, a like-minded author. And I just saw she has a new book out where she addresses biblical womanhood. I’m curious, but will probably pass on that.
I don’t even know where to begin how much I dislike this book, but here a few reasons:
- it’s a naive, idealistic view of men/women brother/sister relationships within the church, and therefore, esp in light of the #metoo movement, very dangerous.
- her catchphrase, “Avoidance is not purity” I totally agree with, generally speaking. Purity is mainly an issue of the heart, not outward behavior. However, avoidance could be purity; for example, avoiding pornographic sites that could lead one to sinful lust.
- she was ungracious toward Billy Graham, VP Mike Pence and others for their rule of not wanting to be alone with women other than their wives. She compared them to the Pharisees, that they’re self-absorbed, not thinking of how their rule affects the women view themselves.
- she misrepresented those men above by attributing their reason for their rule is bec they are suspicious of the opposite sex, that they view them as a threat. She doesn’t consider that perhaps they have a low view of themselves and know their sin tendencies. Does she consider that perhaps their rule is imposed because they love their sisters in the Lord so much that they don’t want them to be subjected to their lust?
- two examples she used why we should pursue this intimate friendship with the opposite sex: God’s perfect unity within the trinity, her relationship with her biological brother (their marriages don’t diminish their relationship nor hinder their time alone together - well, duh)
- she made a caveat that only spiritually mature people could engage in friendships with the opposite sex. But, how would one know if the other is?
- she assumed by not pursuing an intimate friendship with the opposite sex that we are not loving them. There are plenty of ways I could show love to my brothers in Christ that do not involve a one-on-one time alone with them.
If her point is to pursue friendships in a group setting, in couple friendships, a couple pursuing single people together, between two single people, I wouldn’t disagree with the book at all. I think we should pursue such relationships. But the problem with the book is she exalts the virtue of men pursuing platonic, personal friendships with women alone and vice versa, like the author does with her biological brother. Of course, it’s not the same and she’s naive to think we could all have that kind of friendship with any of our brothers in Christ. She downplays our sin tendencies.
I also don’t appreciate the tone of the book. She seems like she has an ax to grind, angry with the traditional complementarian view, almost feministic in a subtle way. It makes me so sad as she was one of the few women authors I liked.
I have never felt this strongly against a Christian book by, I thought, a like-minded author. And I just saw she has a new book out where she addresses biblical womanhood. I’m curious, but will probably pass on that.
July 17, 2018
Very reasonable, balanced and well-articulated. Her biblical support will be hard to argue with. I appreciate her level-headedness and wisdom and reason. Gospelicious.
December 8, 2019
So, I came into this book really wanting to like it. I've generally enjoyed Byrd's writing in the past (and listen regularly to the Mortification of Spin podcast), was fairly attracted to the book's thesis, and really disliked the unfair ways that certain critics/trolls treated her and the book before it was even released.
Unfortunately, however, I came away from the book rather disappointed.
One of the major issues I found with the book is that it didn't seem to quite know what it needed to be. Large portions of the book were pretty general advice and discussion about what healthy Christian community looks like that practically no one could disagree with (the latter half of the book was particularly this way). It's the sort of thing you could see anyone within complementarian circles writing, with little controversy attached to it.
What that meant, however, was that comparatively less space was left for Byrd to discuss (or even define) the more controversial parts of her thesis ("Avoidance is Not Purity"--e.g., what the book markets itself to be about.)
Byrd makes a lot of bold claims in the book about the problems in American evangelicalism. That line from When Harry Met Sally that "men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way" is repeated over-and-over again in the book as a summary of how evangelicals have also come to view male and female relationships. The problem is that she never really gives evidence for this claim--only some generic summative anecdotes. She argues that "friendship between men and women is a taboo topic in the evangelical subculture." She claims that "Christian writing constantly depicts cross-sex interaction as a potential threat to sexual purity." But she doesn't back up these claims with any kind of publicly verifiable evidence--or even with detailed personal anecdotes that are any longer than one or two lines.
Not only does this fail to show that there is a real problem in evangelical culture in this regard (and without a problem, why are solutions needed), but it means that what the actual problem is becomes rather vague. What exactly does Byrd want to see changed in evangelical culture? After reading through the book, I'm not quite sure. The one place where she does get down to specifics is with the "Billy Graham/Mike Pence rule"--which probably spawned most of certain trolls' hatred for this book--but that's it. And while I generally agree that the Graham/Pence rule should not be a universal rule, I also found that Byrd's arguments against it went too far--as she essentially argued that it's wrong for anyone to follow the Graham/Pence rule. My issue with this is that it falls into the same trap that the Graham/Pence proponents fall into: it takes a matter of wisdom and tries to turn it into a matter of morality. Different people have different life roles and different natural temptations they fall into, and forbidding anyone from following a wisdom practice is about as problematic as trying to enforce such a practice in my book.
When Byrd tackles the "problem" of the book, then, I overall found her to be vague, and at times going too far in her critique. In many ways, my core complaint also applies to her proposed solution, as I found it simply too vague to be practically helpful. As mentioned earlier, in the second part of the book--where I'd hoped she'd get more down to specifics on what kind of friendships she wants to see within the church--she simply went through general principles of Christian community that practically everyone can agree with her on. It felt like preaching to the choir, and it left me wondering what precisely the change is that she wants to see (other than a dropping of the Graham/Pence rule). Several stories or examples of what kind of "counter-cultural friendships" Byrd wanted to see, or specific counter-cultural practices or customs she thought were valuable would have been helpful. As-is, however, there wasn't much on this front.
Taken as a whole, then, while there are certainly some good parts to the book, if its goal was to persuade evangelicals away from avoidance in male-female relationships, I felt like it failed to clearly explain how evangelicals currently practice avoidance and what they should be doing instead--and thus didn't substantiate the author's thesis. As a half-book about Christian community, it was decent and good. But I wanted to see more from it given its thesis.
Rating: 2-2.5 Stars (Okay).
Unfortunately, however, I came away from the book rather disappointed.
One of the major issues I found with the book is that it didn't seem to quite know what it needed to be. Large portions of the book were pretty general advice and discussion about what healthy Christian community looks like that practically no one could disagree with (the latter half of the book was particularly this way). It's the sort of thing you could see anyone within complementarian circles writing, with little controversy attached to it.
What that meant, however, was that comparatively less space was left for Byrd to discuss (or even define) the more controversial parts of her thesis ("Avoidance is Not Purity"--e.g., what the book markets itself to be about.)
Byrd makes a lot of bold claims in the book about the problems in American evangelicalism. That line from When Harry Met Sally that "men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way" is repeated over-and-over again in the book as a summary of how evangelicals have also come to view male and female relationships. The problem is that she never really gives evidence for this claim--only some generic summative anecdotes. She argues that "friendship between men and women is a taboo topic in the evangelical subculture." She claims that "Christian writing constantly depicts cross-sex interaction as a potential threat to sexual purity." But she doesn't back up these claims with any kind of publicly verifiable evidence--or even with detailed personal anecdotes that are any longer than one or two lines.
Not only does this fail to show that there is a real problem in evangelical culture in this regard (and without a problem, why are solutions needed), but it means that what the actual problem is becomes rather vague. What exactly does Byrd want to see changed in evangelical culture? After reading through the book, I'm not quite sure. The one place where she does get down to specifics is with the "Billy Graham/Mike Pence rule"--which probably spawned most of certain trolls' hatred for this book--but that's it. And while I generally agree that the Graham/Pence rule should not be a universal rule, I also found that Byrd's arguments against it went too far--as she essentially argued that it's wrong for anyone to follow the Graham/Pence rule. My issue with this is that it falls into the same trap that the Graham/Pence proponents fall into: it takes a matter of wisdom and tries to turn it into a matter of morality. Different people have different life roles and different natural temptations they fall into, and forbidding anyone from following a wisdom practice is about as problematic as trying to enforce such a practice in my book.
When Byrd tackles the "problem" of the book, then, I overall found her to be vague, and at times going too far in her critique. In many ways, my core complaint also applies to her proposed solution, as I found it simply too vague to be practically helpful. As mentioned earlier, in the second part of the book--where I'd hoped she'd get more down to specifics on what kind of friendships she wants to see within the church--she simply went through general principles of Christian community that practically everyone can agree with her on. It felt like preaching to the choir, and it left me wondering what precisely the change is that she wants to see (other than a dropping of the Graham/Pence rule). Several stories or examples of what kind of "counter-cultural friendships" Byrd wanted to see, or specific counter-cultural practices or customs she thought were valuable would have been helpful. As-is, however, there wasn't much on this front.
Taken as a whole, then, while there are certainly some good parts to the book, if its goal was to persuade evangelicals away from avoidance in male-female relationships, I felt like it failed to clearly explain how evangelicals currently practice avoidance and what they should be doing instead--and thus didn't substantiate the author's thesis. As a half-book about Christian community, it was decent and good. But I wanted to see more from it given its thesis.
Rating: 2-2.5 Stars (Okay).
November 21, 2020
I promise I tried. I went into this book expecting to disagree with it, and I really tried to be fair.
Maybe it's more needed to speak to church culture in the States? But overall, didn't enjoy; most of the first half feels like complaining, and the second half is full of vague principles no one would disagree with ('promote one another's holiness', 'share table fellowship', 'suffer alongside one another') that don't land on the issue under discussion.
There are some good sections - the central call to view one another as brothers and sisters is biblically grounded and rousing; just not really applied in the chapters that follow. One of the strongest passages is a plea for churches to take more care to be aware of and protect victims of abuse within their congregations - I wonder if this bit lands so well because it really grapples with the differences between men and women and feels grounded in the real, broken, Genesis 3:16 world we actually live in? Other sections feel idealistic and unrealistic - or just unrelated. There's also a great bit that comes much too late about examples of cross-sex friendships from church history - more of that would have been good.
Also, Byrd is right that immorality comes from our hearts, not our circumstances, and our affections need to be re-oriented to God. On the other hand, when your tagline is 'Avoidance is not purity' engaging with 'flee sexual immorality' as a concept and a biblical command seems a bit crucial. Maybe I missed it, but I don't think she does at any point?
Overall, frustratingly, I think I actually do agree with the central argument Byrd is making: Stop viewing each other as sexual dangers, and promote love and care in a context of brother-sister church relationships. She just doesn't argue her case very well. And it may be that US church culture needs a more relaxed attitude to cross-sex interaction - over here, even in my very limited experience I've seen far too many heartbreaks caused by poorly-defined male-female 'friendships' to call for any more of them. There is a better culture to aim for on both sides, I'm sure, but I don't think 'Why Can't We Be Friends' is providing it.
Maybe it's more needed to speak to church culture in the States? But overall, didn't enjoy; most of the first half feels like complaining, and the second half is full of vague principles no one would disagree with ('promote one another's holiness', 'share table fellowship', 'suffer alongside one another') that don't land on the issue under discussion.
There are some good sections - the central call to view one another as brothers and sisters is biblically grounded and rousing; just not really applied in the chapters that follow. One of the strongest passages is a plea for churches to take more care to be aware of and protect victims of abuse within their congregations - I wonder if this bit lands so well because it really grapples with the differences between men and women and feels grounded in the real, broken, Genesis 3:16 world we actually live in? Other sections feel idealistic and unrealistic - or just unrelated. There's also a great bit that comes much too late about examples of cross-sex friendships from church history - more of that would have been good.
Also, Byrd is right that immorality comes from our hearts, not our circumstances, and our affections need to be re-oriented to God. On the other hand, when your tagline is 'Avoidance is not purity' engaging with 'flee sexual immorality' as a concept and a biblical command seems a bit crucial. Maybe I missed it, but I don't think she does at any point?
Overall, frustratingly, I think I actually do agree with the central argument Byrd is making: Stop viewing each other as sexual dangers, and promote love and care in a context of brother-sister church relationships. She just doesn't argue her case very well. And it may be that US church culture needs a more relaxed attitude to cross-sex interaction - over here, even in my very limited experience I've seen far too many heartbreaks caused by poorly-defined male-female 'friendships' to call for any more of them. There is a better culture to aim for on both sides, I'm sure, but I don't think 'Why Can't We Be Friends' is providing it.
July 4, 2018
If you’re a Christian recovering from the fearfulness of the opposite gender due to purity culture, this book is helpful. Aimee sets out to address the sexualized walls that prevent cross gender friendships, particularly within in the church. I walked away with questions on how a godly friendship with a man should look, but I think those are boundaries better defined with my own spouse. Despite this book raising some more questions in my mind, I came to agree that we are not fulfilling the calling to be covenant families within our church community. As spiritual brothers and sisters, we need to speak into one another’s lives more, and we’re missing out on wisdom and fellowship by sticking with one gender’s influence. When we refuse to see our brothers and sisters in Christ in the light of family, we take on the reductionistic mindset of sexual objectification. Treating one another in purity is to see one another without the mistrust and suspicion that our marriages will fall apart around us the moment we give a member of the opposite sex a ride home without a third party present. Perhaps treating a brother or sister with purity means you hold yourself to the Billy Graham/Pence rule, but remember it isn’t required for everyone else around you.
July 1, 2018
This book is a desperately needed breath of fresh air in the modern church. Aimee clears away the cobwebs of superstition and arbitrary tradition and cuts to the heart of what being brothers and sisters in Christ is really all about (hint: it's not fear) and cleanly presents a picture of active purity in place of the tried and trieed but never true methods that guard against ever needing to be pure and in so doing prevent maturity.
July 6, 2018
Aimee Byrd has written a good book that was enjoyable to read. Her basic argument is that we should be able to live as brothers and sisters. She talks about needing the affections to be rightly ordered. She spends some time looking at the NT background of households and what it would mean that we are brothers and sister in Christ--here she sources her arguments well in recent NT research. She, of course, talks about Christ being our “older brother” of sorts. She’s clear about the need for boundaries and the pursuit of holiness but she’s also making the case (as the subtitle suggests) that avoidance is not purity.
A number of time she points back to Billy Crystal’s character in “When Harry Met Sally” where he says “Men and Women can’t be friends because sex always gets in the way.” She points out this is a lie a sex-saturated culture tells. It is not friendship, it uses people for what you can get. At the end of the book she points to some historic examples of men and women who had deep and personal friendship, including examples from John Calvin and Hannah More (close friend to John Newton & William Wilberforce). I found this illuminating and kind of icing on the cake of her argument, found myself saying “yeah, maybe we really have been overly influenced by our sex saturated culture in ways we don’t even realize”.
She does criticize the “Mike Pence Rule” [or Billy Graham Rule] a bit but mostly her point is you can’t turn it into a universal rule—she is clear that it may be necessary at times. We must use wisdom and examine our own hearts not simply make a rule. She even questions times when such a rule might actually keep us from fulfilling Christian duties of love and mercy (like giving someone a ride to the hospital). She is also clear there are some people you shouldn’t be friends with, and some Christians who are immature. What I also appreciated is she isn’t trying to “start a movement” or have a whole bunch of people rush out and make friendships with the other sex—but more just don’t be afraid of them or avoid them, they can develop properly. Live in Christian community with brothers and sisters in Christ; be the church.
She has some really good comments about friendship in general and even male-male and female-female friendship. I mentioned that on Twitter and she said she is basically trying to apply the concept “covenant community” to the issue of “can men and women be friends” and I think she succeeds. She has some excellent thoughts on holiness and our communion with God. Her argument as a whole begins with theology and Scripture and then works towards practical wisdom and advice.
Overall, the book deserves to be read. Christians should consider carefully how friendships, including friendship with the other sex, model our union with Christ and as part of one body. We should avoid sin and inappropriate behavior however, as Aimee demonstrates true and genuine friendship with the other sex can and should spur us on to holiness.
A number of time she points back to Billy Crystal’s character in “When Harry Met Sally” where he says “Men and Women can’t be friends because sex always gets in the way.” She points out this is a lie a sex-saturated culture tells. It is not friendship, it uses people for what you can get. At the end of the book she points to some historic examples of men and women who had deep and personal friendship, including examples from John Calvin and Hannah More (close friend to John Newton & William Wilberforce). I found this illuminating and kind of icing on the cake of her argument, found myself saying “yeah, maybe we really have been overly influenced by our sex saturated culture in ways we don’t even realize”.
She does criticize the “Mike Pence Rule” [or Billy Graham Rule] a bit but mostly her point is you can’t turn it into a universal rule—she is clear that it may be necessary at times. We must use wisdom and examine our own hearts not simply make a rule. She even questions times when such a rule might actually keep us from fulfilling Christian duties of love and mercy (like giving someone a ride to the hospital). She is also clear there are some people you shouldn’t be friends with, and some Christians who are immature. What I also appreciated is she isn’t trying to “start a movement” or have a whole bunch of people rush out and make friendships with the other sex—but more just don’t be afraid of them or avoid them, they can develop properly. Live in Christian community with brothers and sisters in Christ; be the church.
She has some really good comments about friendship in general and even male-male and female-female friendship. I mentioned that on Twitter and she said she is basically trying to apply the concept “covenant community” to the issue of “can men and women be friends” and I think she succeeds. She has some excellent thoughts on holiness and our communion with God. Her argument as a whole begins with theology and Scripture and then works towards practical wisdom and advice.
Overall, the book deserves to be read. Christians should consider carefully how friendships, including friendship with the other sex, model our union with Christ and as part of one body. We should avoid sin and inappropriate behavior however, as Aimee demonstrates true and genuine friendship with the other sex can and should spur us on to holiness.
December 19, 2022
While I did not whole-heartedly agree with everything said in this book, it did a wonderful job of reorienting my perspective of friendships. I used to think of co-ed friendships like a fenced-in backyard: you could have friendships, but they could only go so far with the proper sexual boundaries that made the fence. Now, I view these friendship as a road with guardrails: a destination of relational growth with boundaries as guardrails to rightly orient affection leading to deeper siblingship in Christ.
Here's a few things I learned:
- not all affection is sexual
- purity culture reduces members of the opposite sex from siblings in Christ to mere temptations
- I am not "just" friends with someone, that reduces the value of friendships
Here's a few things I learned:
- not all affection is sexual
- purity culture reduces members of the opposite sex from siblings in Christ to mere temptations
- I am not "just" friends with someone, that reduces the value of friendships
June 24, 2018
This is the first time I've been introduced to Aimee Byrd's work. Her work caught my eye when I was scrolling through books available for review on Net Galley, as the topic is so relevant in todays' world. The rise of the #metoo movement, the debate about the Billy Graham rule, and male-female relationships in the church and workplace are prominent everywhere you turn, so a theological treatment of opposite sex friendships immediately grabbed my attention.
Aimee's work is incredible. Her theological work is intensive. Instead of simply treating the issue at hand with opinions and the work of others, she dives deep into theological truths including anthropology and eschatology. The way she applies them to opposite sex friendships - particularly in the church - was poignant and challenging. Beyond her theological work though, her work is also practical. The way she offers application of these truths in the lives of church families and marriages is very helpful.
My only hesitancy with Aimee's work is her complimentarian viewpoint. While it doesn't permeate much of the book, she does address it specifically in some sections. As a female pastor, this book would have been strengthened for me if there was a perspective offered for women in leadership as well. This is missing from Aimee's book particularly, though her truths could easily be applied. I encourage anyone in the church to pick up this book and read it!
Aimee's work is incredible. Her theological work is intensive. Instead of simply treating the issue at hand with opinions and the work of others, she dives deep into theological truths including anthropology and eschatology. The way she applies them to opposite sex friendships - particularly in the church - was poignant and challenging. Beyond her theological work though, her work is also practical. The way she offers application of these truths in the lives of church families and marriages is very helpful.
My only hesitancy with Aimee's work is her complimentarian viewpoint. While it doesn't permeate much of the book, she does address it specifically in some sections. As a female pastor, this book would have been strengthened for me if there was a perspective offered for women in leadership as well. This is missing from Aimee's book particularly, though her truths could easily be applied. I encourage anyone in the church to pick up this book and read it!
October 31, 2021
As I grow older in age, I have come to notice that men and women become increasingly segregated (at least in Christian circles). Married women tend to hang out only with other women and likewise married men tend to hang out only with other men. Mingling of sexes also only ever takes place in group contexts. I've also been questioning the need for separate male and female Bible study groups in church. Is this the reality I must accept as I grow older, that one day it will become socially unacceptable for me to hang out with guys one-to-one in a platonic context, that I must resign myself to the fact that being in a mixed-sex Bible study will no longer be a viable option?
I found Byrd's book refreshing mainly because it challenges this culture that seeks to segregate the sexes. She critiques secular culture which encourages men to only hang out with women only if they stand to benefit sexually and church culture which propagates the notion that avoiding the opposite sex equates to purity. Overall, her book calls on readers to focus on how we can cultivate and encourage each other's holiness in the context of Christian siblingship rather than narrowing all our focus on not sinning by hanging out with the opposite sex.
Byrd is generally faithful in how she interprets the texts that she uses to support her arguments. My only reservation is how she equates Christ to an "elder brother" and how she comes to the conclusion that Paul uses the terms "brothers" and "sisters" because he very specifically knew the weight his readers would attach to it: I'm still chewing on both of these reservations of mine.
I also appreciated Byrd's reflections on her relationships with her biological brothers and her brothers in Christ. It made me feel as if what Byrd champions in her book is not all fluffy but can actually be put into practice in real life.
If I could, I would make this compulsory reading in all evangelical circles where for far too long we have propagated avoidance as the best form of purity.
I found Byrd's book refreshing mainly because it challenges this culture that seeks to segregate the sexes. She critiques secular culture which encourages men to only hang out with women only if they stand to benefit sexually and church culture which propagates the notion that avoiding the opposite sex equates to purity. Overall, her book calls on readers to focus on how we can cultivate and encourage each other's holiness in the context of Christian siblingship rather than narrowing all our focus on not sinning by hanging out with the opposite sex.
Byrd is generally faithful in how she interprets the texts that she uses to support her arguments. My only reservation is how she equates Christ to an "elder brother" and how she comes to the conclusion that Paul uses the terms "brothers" and "sisters" because he very specifically knew the weight his readers would attach to it: I'm still chewing on both of these reservations of mine.
I also appreciated Byrd's reflections on her relationships with her biological brothers and her brothers in Christ. It made me feel as if what Byrd champions in her book is not all fluffy but can actually be put into practice in real life.
If I could, I would make this compulsory reading in all evangelical circles where for far too long we have propagated avoidance as the best form of purity.
April 5, 2020
A book that needs to be read by all guys! It provides a mature, complicated view/guide to male-female relationships that promotes trust and a path forward for the church. We need to lead this charge in our over sexualized culture so that the next generation is not so messed up!
July 2, 2020
The first half of the book contained some dynamic and enlightening moments. Byrd was on fire every time that she reflected on the elements dealing directly with navigating the relationships between men and women. Her insight and reflection regarding the hypocrisy of previous purity movements is worth the price of the book.
That being said the second half of the book really started to lose me as it dissolved into more general topics.
Perhaps this is my own fault?
After all, I was excited to read this book after seeing how infuriated some fundamentalists were with it.
On second thought they may have just been angry that a woman was speaking, let alone suggesting that they were culpable in the unfair dehumanisation and over-sexualisation of females within the church.
Unfortunately for this reader, Byrd turned out to be not nearly as dangerous as her critics had led me to believe. However I am thankful for the wisdom that she provides throughout.
My big takeaway was this:
Avoiding the opposite sex for the sake of purity, is not purity at all. It highlights that people practicing this facade have never truly been pure, they’ve just learned to manage their perversions. And yet this management doesn’t appear to be too effective as they fear they could relapse from sharing a meal with someone of the opposite sex who is not their partner.
For this reason alone I would recommend this book!
That being said the second half of the book really started to lose me as it dissolved into more general topics.
Perhaps this is my own fault?
After all, I was excited to read this book after seeing how infuriated some fundamentalists were with it.
On second thought they may have just been angry that a woman was speaking, let alone suggesting that they were culpable in the unfair dehumanisation and over-sexualisation of females within the church.
Unfortunately for this reader, Byrd turned out to be not nearly as dangerous as her critics had led me to believe. However I am thankful for the wisdom that she provides throughout.
My big takeaway was this:
Avoiding the opposite sex for the sake of purity, is not purity at all. It highlights that people practicing this facade have never truly been pure, they’ve just learned to manage their perversions. And yet this management doesn’t appear to be too effective as they fear they could relapse from sharing a meal with someone of the opposite sex who is not their partner.
For this reason alone I would recommend this book!
January 4, 2021
I enjoyed this book, agreed overall, and I learned some things. And yet, it felt too long and too rambling, and I'm not sure she entirely proved her point.
October 10, 2022
Probs 3.5 stars. Byrd presented the “why” behind cross-gendered friendships with grace and clarity but the “how” fell short.
January 20, 2024
It made some good points but got very repetitive. Not as much practical as she promised either. But it did give me some new concepts to think on!
July 5, 2018
As Aimee’s close friend, I’ve had the privilege of watching the process of each of her books come to life...reading each book is a full account of all of our many conversations over coffee. I love reading her books and getting the sneak peek inside her amazing thinking process.
Aimee’s 4th book reads smoothly as she tackles another passionate topic in her heart. She wrestles with the question of why men and women struggle with friendships and what that should look like within the household of God.
I am not surprised, as I read, that she goes above and beyond the surface of the question “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” and dives deep into the theological truths that tell us how and why we should indeed be friends with both our brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as “all people” (1 Thess. 3:12)
Aimee encompasses the full Christian life and how throughout that life we are to be coheirs with our fellow brothers and sisters as we work together, play together, eat together, worship together and anticipate the hope we have in our Elder Brother, Jesus Christ as adopted sons.
She points us to a holistic love of one another that doesn’t reduce each other to our bodies. (pg 38) Seeing each other holistically is a strong theme throughout the book as she redirects our thinking away from modern Hollywood culture and the taboos of controversy surrounding cross gender friendships within the church.
As per her usual, the book is overflowing with the gospel and continually points us to our Elder Brother, Jesus Christ. Throughout the book she encourages us to press heavenward with our fellow brothers and sisters toward our goal when we will share in fellowship together and in communion with each other in the household of God.
Aimee’s 4th book reads smoothly as she tackles another passionate topic in her heart. She wrestles with the question of why men and women struggle with friendships and what that should look like within the household of God.
I am not surprised, as I read, that she goes above and beyond the surface of the question “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” and dives deep into the theological truths that tell us how and why we should indeed be friends with both our brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as “all people” (1 Thess. 3:12)
Aimee encompasses the full Christian life and how throughout that life we are to be coheirs with our fellow brothers and sisters as we work together, play together, eat together, worship together and anticipate the hope we have in our Elder Brother, Jesus Christ as adopted sons.
She points us to a holistic love of one another that doesn’t reduce each other to our bodies. (pg 38) Seeing each other holistically is a strong theme throughout the book as she redirects our thinking away from modern Hollywood culture and the taboos of controversy surrounding cross gender friendships within the church.
As per her usual, the book is overflowing with the gospel and continually points us to our Elder Brother, Jesus Christ. Throughout the book she encourages us to press heavenward with our fellow brothers and sisters toward our goal when we will share in fellowship together and in communion with each other in the household of God.
July 11, 2018
In her latest book Aimee Byrd tackles a topic that deserves serious consideration especially in this moment of our history. Many are currently in the process of addressing and rethinking long standing attitudes and actions toward women that are at best reductive and at worst abusive. Could there be a better time to consider what true friendship between the sexes should look like?
Aimee Byrd grounds her treatment of this sensitive topic firmly in God's Word. The readers are encouraged to take their cues from and find their rolls/identities in Scripture instead of the culture at large. She does not recommend women or men to actively seek opposite sex friendships simply because they can, nor does she encourage the reader to abandon common sense boundaries that may be necessary on a case by case basis. We are encouraged to view each other as brothers and sisters in the household of faith. She stresses that in our relationships it is crucial to hold correct view of what real friendship is.
Regardless of your stand on the "Mike Pence Rule" or even your marital status (yes, this book is for singles too), you will benefit from a thoughtful reading of this book. This book should provoke overdue conversations concerning how we rightly relate to each other
Aimee Byrd grounds her treatment of this sensitive topic firmly in God's Word. The readers are encouraged to take their cues from and find their rolls/identities in Scripture instead of the culture at large. She does not recommend women or men to actively seek opposite sex friendships simply because they can, nor does she encourage the reader to abandon common sense boundaries that may be necessary on a case by case basis. We are encouraged to view each other as brothers and sisters in the household of faith. She stresses that in our relationships it is crucial to hold correct view of what real friendship is.
Regardless of your stand on the "Mike Pence Rule" or even your marital status (yes, this book is for singles too), you will benefit from a thoughtful reading of this book. This book should provoke overdue conversations concerning how we rightly relate to each other
June 19, 2018
As a single woman who has always had a plethora of male friends and works in a field where almost all of my coworkers are male, I am so thankful for this book! I have had the most ludicrous remarks made to me throughout my life about male-female friendships and while I am sure most were meant to be helpful they instead were demeaning and humiliating to me and/or my brothers. I am so grateful that someone as thoughtful and intelligent as Aimee Byrd has finally spoken up about how twisted many Christians’ view has become on male-female relationships.
This book is packed with wisdom but I especially appreciated Byrd’s intentionality and thoughts regarding:
1. What purity is and is not (hint: it has much more to do with our relationship with God than it does with our relationship with the other sex)
2. The example of Jesus who was perfectly holy interacted intimately with many women and never sinned!
3. Culture’s influence on our thoughts on male-female relationships and how they have fed into a form of prosperity gospel and idolatry that is widely accepted in the church
4. The section on discernment and how to wisely handle situations of attraction and temptation is worth the price of the book! (Seriously so good!)
5. A theology of friendship and how we don’t even know what friendship is anymore!
6. The ridiculously unhealthy stereotypes many churches directly or indirectly encourage through the way they address, serve, resource, and engage men and women
7. How friendship and marriage are different and how friendships with others can help or hurt marriages
8. Exploring siblingship (both biological and spiritual) in the first century and early church to help clarify what the Bible has to say about how men and women should interact within the church
9. Great practical wisdom on what this looks like in the church including the reminder that why there are distinct roles given to men and women - there are even more roles given to both sexes (the one another commands)
10. How a biblical understanding of spiritual siblingship makes an impact on our church participation and interaction
Read this book if like me you have been confounded by weird reactions to the other sex in the church. Read this book if you’re thinking this book sounds dangerous or if you have ever made a warning comment to someone or yourself about friendship with the other sex. Read this book if you’re a man. Read this book if you’re a woman! Read this book if you are single. Read this book if you are married. Read this book with other brothers and sisters; it would make an excellent small group discussion (it even has discussion questions at the end of each chapter). Be prepared to examine your heart, your own areas of immaturity, blindspots, and backwards priorities and prayerfully pick up and read this book!
This book is packed with wisdom but I especially appreciated Byrd’s intentionality and thoughts regarding:
1. What purity is and is not (hint: it has much more to do with our relationship with God than it does with our relationship with the other sex)
2. The example of Jesus who was perfectly holy interacted intimately with many women and never sinned!
3. Culture’s influence on our thoughts on male-female relationships and how they have fed into a form of prosperity gospel and idolatry that is widely accepted in the church
4. The section on discernment and how to wisely handle situations of attraction and temptation is worth the price of the book! (Seriously so good!)
5. A theology of friendship and how we don’t even know what friendship is anymore!
6. The ridiculously unhealthy stereotypes many churches directly or indirectly encourage through the way they address, serve, resource, and engage men and women
7. How friendship and marriage are different and how friendships with others can help or hurt marriages
8. Exploring siblingship (both biological and spiritual) in the first century and early church to help clarify what the Bible has to say about how men and women should interact within the church
9. Great practical wisdom on what this looks like in the church including the reminder that why there are distinct roles given to men and women - there are even more roles given to both sexes (the one another commands)
10. How a biblical understanding of spiritual siblingship makes an impact on our church participation and interaction
Read this book if like me you have been confounded by weird reactions to the other sex in the church. Read this book if you’re thinking this book sounds dangerous or if you have ever made a warning comment to someone or yourself about friendship with the other sex. Read this book if you’re a man. Read this book if you’re a woman! Read this book if you are single. Read this book if you are married. Read this book with other brothers and sisters; it would make an excellent small group discussion (it even has discussion questions at the end of each chapter). Be prepared to examine your heart, your own areas of immaturity, blindspots, and backwards priorities and prayerfully pick up and read this book!
Read
January 26, 2021Everything I wanted it to be! Everyone who is apart of the church should read this. Summary of this book "heck yes, men and women can be friends, we should actually be more than friends, we should be siblings. Not everything is about sex and if you think it is thats a heart issue for you."
“To view the other sex as constant temptations to sin and threats to purity merely perpetuates the thinking and behavior of the unredeemed.”
“To view the other sex as constant temptations to sin and threats to purity merely perpetuates the thinking and behavior of the unredeemed.”
March 18, 2019
The second paragraph of the introduction encapsulates the book: "The strange thing is that I know this will be a controversial book. I'm going to make the case that men and women can and should be friends, along with describing a biblical theology that answers why and how we can pull this off. In fact, I will argue that Christian men and women are more than friends--we are brothers and sisters in Christ, and we need to act according to who (and whose) we are."
Byrd argues against the Harry Burns' mentality (from Nora Ephron's film When Harry Met Sally) that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. She also argues against what has come to be called the Billy Graham Rule, that a married man should never be alone with a woman other than his wife. Byrd argues that both approaches are reductionist, reducing people to primarily or only sexual beings.
Seeking holy and holistic relationships between Christian brothers and sisters, Byrd opines that we're letting the culture define us, that we don't view each other holistically, that we misunderstand the nature of purity, that we've forgotten what friendship really is. She suggests the appropriate model is to view each other as sacred siblings, as brothers and sisters in Christ. She persuasively argues that our relationships with our physical brothers and sisters can and should inform how we interact with Christian brothers and sisters.
Yes, she is correct: this will be a controversial book. But I believe it is an important book, and deserves a fair hearing and thoughtful consideration.
Aimee Byrd is one of the cohosts of the Mortification of Spin podcast of the Alliance for Confessing Evangelicals.
Byrd argues against the Harry Burns' mentality (from Nora Ephron's film When Harry Met Sally) that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. She also argues against what has come to be called the Billy Graham Rule, that a married man should never be alone with a woman other than his wife. Byrd argues that both approaches are reductionist, reducing people to primarily or only sexual beings.
Seeking holy and holistic relationships between Christian brothers and sisters, Byrd opines that we're letting the culture define us, that we don't view each other holistically, that we misunderstand the nature of purity, that we've forgotten what friendship really is. She suggests the appropriate model is to view each other as sacred siblings, as brothers and sisters in Christ. She persuasively argues that our relationships with our physical brothers and sisters can and should inform how we interact with Christian brothers and sisters.
Yes, she is correct: this will be a controversial book. But I believe it is an important book, and deserves a fair hearing and thoughtful consideration.
Aimee Byrd is one of the cohosts of the Mortification of Spin podcast of the Alliance for Confessing Evangelicals.
July 11, 2020
I read this book for a book group, and being in a mainline protestant denomination, feel a bit weird reviewing a book that is very much for the world of the Orthodox Presbyterian and adjacent churches.
When thinking back on the book, I thought that the writer spent a lot of time trying to pre-emptivly defend her orthodoxy, at the detriment of the book. Seeing the blow back from she's received from her other book in the past few weeks, I totally get it. Keep fighting the good fight Ms. Byrd.
There's a good book in here somewhere.
This felt less like a book on how men and women can be friends, and more about the nature of friendship in general, modeled on siblinghood. Trying to graft that conversation onto the frame of "how do the genders get along" felt clunky and hard to follow. Had the book been oriented around that with like a "Section 3: Sisters and Brothers," I think her case would have flowed better.
Also, the last chapter has some pretty solid nuggets (historical precedent for female/male friendships in the service of the church, the eschatological orientation of gender) that would be fascinating chapters of their own, and would also forward her thesis that the church needs men and women to be friends in ways that rehashing the failures about contemporary Christian culture can't.
All in all, I hope that at some point, Byrd revisits this topic in another book, and I'd be more than happy to revisit it then too.
When thinking back on the book, I thought that the writer spent a lot of time trying to pre-emptivly defend her orthodoxy, at the detriment of the book. Seeing the blow back from she's received from her other book in the past few weeks, I totally get it. Keep fighting the good fight Ms. Byrd.
There's a good book in here somewhere.
This felt less like a book on how men and women can be friends, and more about the nature of friendship in general, modeled on siblinghood. Trying to graft that conversation onto the frame of "how do the genders get along" felt clunky and hard to follow. Had the book been oriented around that with like a "Section 3: Sisters and Brothers," I think her case would have flowed better.
Also, the last chapter has some pretty solid nuggets (historical precedent for female/male friendships in the service of the church, the eschatological orientation of gender) that would be fascinating chapters of their own, and would also forward her thesis that the church needs men and women to be friends in ways that rehashing the failures about contemporary Christian culture can't.
All in all, I hope that at some point, Byrd revisits this topic in another book, and I'd be more than happy to revisit it then too.
July 6, 2025
Some good thoughts on friendship in general, and friendship between the sexes as spiritual siblings. Maybe a bit idealistic. These types of friendships have to be approached with purity of course, but also wisdom and knowledge of the individual and their spouse (if applicable) and what they are comfortable with. In many ways I agree with her critiques of how we as Christians go too far to avoid even a possibility or appearance of evil. On the other hand, I tend to worry what people will think and I don’t want to step on any toes or seem inappropriate. So, some good thoughts but in the end I’m not sure how much this clarified for me. I also felt that this book kind of rambles some and at times I was just rushing to finish it. But I also blame the library’s 14 day loan for that. ;)
March 9, 2021
The main premise of this book is that our priorities are disordered if, in the name of purity, we avoid/neglect our Christian brothers/sisters of the opposite sex. Aimee Byrd argues that we shouldn't impose extrabiblical rules on our interactions with each other, but instead grow in our discernment and sanctified common sense. If we don't do this, we won't love our brothers and sisters well. I was challenged by this book, and it chipped away at some little legalistic strongholds in my heart.
Themes:
-What it means to be spiritual siblings
-Viewing each other as holistic beings as opposed to purely sexual beings
-What is purity anyway?
Themes:
-What it means to be spiritual siblings
-Viewing each other as holistic beings as opposed to purely sexual beings
-What is purity anyway?
November 27, 2021
This book is very well-written, accessible, and straightforward. Aimee Byrd has made incredibly important points about Christian friendship. We have replaced sibling intamicy - which we as siblings in Christ, adopted into God's family, are to enjoy - with erotic love, incidentally, not even the most important of the loves. We have wrongly forgotten that our brotherhood and sisterhood - our friendship - is what will last into the new heavens and the new earth. Not that marriage is unimportant, of course, but that we need to be better friends to one another. We need to actually be siblings - and we need to start acting like a family again.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and I recommend it.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book, and I recommend it.
August 30, 2023
I am always thankful to this author for contributions on these topics. I am not about to say the book is problem free as no book could cover every nuance of such a deep and complicated subjet. But what it is rather, is an important part of a conversation we need to be having. It is gracious well thought out and careful. The thing that gets me about Aimee is once you read her for yourself you find so many of what her critics say are actual straw men. I always feel so much dignity when I read what she calls us to as men and women. Let us offer each other the dignity of who we are as image bearers and even more so as brothers and sisters in Christ.
July 2, 2018
Aimee Byrd's book, "Why Can't We Be Friends", gave me a sense of freedom and liberty, as she delved into the biblically appropriate relationship of 'brother-sister' within a church community. This book has highlighted the need for exercising both wisdom and liberty within the context of phileo love: shared goodwill. Byrd helpfully takes the Christian's culture lenses, cleans off the muck of a hyper-sexualized society, and directs us see one another as Christ commands us to see one another: as brothers and sisters created to complement one another in order to fulfill God's Kingdom mandate. A great read, and highly recommended!
July 1, 2022
This was pretty good! Overall agreed with the premise but it did feel like more of a book about Christian community in general (a valuable/needed message) rather than specifically friendships between men and women.
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