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The Blurry Years
*A Best Book of 2018 — Entropy “Kriseman’s is a new voice to celebrate.” —Publishers Weekly The Blurry Years is a powerful and unorthodox coming-of-age story from an assured new literary voice, featuring a stirringly twisted mother-daughter relationship, set against the sleazy, vividly-drawn backdrop of late-seventies and early-eighties Florida. Callie—who ages from six to eighteen over the course of the book—leads a scattered childhood, moving from cars to strangers’ houses to the sand-dusted apartments of the tourist towns that litter the Florida coastline. Callie’s is a story about what it’s like to grow up too fast and absorb too much, to watch adults behaving badly; what it’s like to be simultaneously in thrall to and terrified of the mother who is the only family you've ever known, who moves you from town to town to leave her own mistakes behind. With precision and poetry, Kriseman's moving tale of a young girl struggling to find her way in the world is potent, and, ultimately, triumphant.
161 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 10, 2018
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 85 reviews
July 14, 2018
As a native Florida girl and avid Two Dollar Radio fangirl, I was super stoked to read this book. Covering the adolescence of Cal (ages 6 to 18), a young girl with an alcoholic single mother that drags her haphazardly from city to city, The Blurry Years paints a lyric, moving portrait of the seedier side of the Sunshine State.
Eleanor Kriseman gives us a classic tale of growing up among sweat soaked beaches, weedy trailers, and badly-behaving adults that will appeal heavily to fans of White Oleander (It’s me!). Kriseman writes with enviable subtlety, her prose gliding across the misdeeds of her grown-up characters through the not-yet-comprehending eyes of her young character. Cal traverses the state and the continent, leaving behind friends at every turn, as her mother tries to outrun her own drunken mistakes. She teaches herself about puberty, learns about love from romance novels, and eventually starts making her own mistakes. With brutal honesty and deep empathy, Kriseman guides Cal from helpless childhood to empowered adulthood.
I devoured this book in a couple of days. It was a pleasant surprise to find myself situated within my hometown (Tampa), among the very streets I wandered in my own wayward youth (I wonder if this is how New Yorkers feel with the plethora of novels set in their bustling metropolis). If I could offer a single criticism, I wish the ending had been expanded. I would have loved a good 50-100 pages more to really crystalize the motion towards freedom and self-discovery. As is, it’s a quick, lovely read, perfect for road trips, beaches, and days sent inside escaping the blistering heat of summer.
Eleanor Kriseman gives us a classic tale of growing up among sweat soaked beaches, weedy trailers, and badly-behaving adults that will appeal heavily to fans of White Oleander (It’s me!). Kriseman writes with enviable subtlety, her prose gliding across the misdeeds of her grown-up characters through the not-yet-comprehending eyes of her young character. Cal traverses the state and the continent, leaving behind friends at every turn, as her mother tries to outrun her own drunken mistakes. She teaches herself about puberty, learns about love from romance novels, and eventually starts making her own mistakes. With brutal honesty and deep empathy, Kriseman guides Cal from helpless childhood to empowered adulthood.
I devoured this book in a couple of days. It was a pleasant surprise to find myself situated within my hometown (Tampa), among the very streets I wandered in my own wayward youth (I wonder if this is how New Yorkers feel with the plethora of novels set in their bustling metropolis). If I could offer a single criticism, I wish the ending had been expanded. I would have loved a good 50-100 pages more to really crystalize the motion towards freedom and self-discovery. As is, it’s a quick, lovely read, perfect for road trips, beaches, and days sent inside escaping the blistering heat of summer.
August 29, 2018
Kriseman lets you know the intimacy of the place really well. I felt Florida was right in front of me as I absorbed her lacerating yet sobering narrative coming of age. I am originally from Ohio and if I ever wrote a book about Ohio--this is how I would want to describe the landscrape, the sense of place, the imagination that comes about when you're young and bored by the surroundings.
The parts dealing with alcoholism also rang true for me as there were brief periods in my life dealing with alcoholism. It can be sole crushing, but our narrator (while flawed) fights to survive in Florida. I couldn't help but think of Alisa Nutting's TAMPA because it was set in Florida and Lauren Groff's Florida.
The prose is perfect and poetic while still being accessible. I would say the novel's structure accomplishes a feat of brevity. It's a little under 200 pages so it can be read in an afternoon.
Kriseman takes a lot of risks in telling of story with intense eroticism while skating across taboo subject matter. It'd be inaccurate to call this an enjoyable read but it certainly is one you will remember. Pain and genius can go together when we talk about raw, unapologetic stories told from that strange place known as Florida.
Most of all, I'm proud to say, it's being put out by Two Dollar Radio and lives up to the hype. Haven't felt this good since Haint's Tale and The Reactive. I give major congratulations for Two Dollar Radio and Kriseman working together to let this book land in my hands.
Read it, weep with it, and shimmer at sentences like this:
"It was easy not to reveal anything about yourself as long as you asked the right questions of someone else."
The parts dealing with alcoholism also rang true for me as there were brief periods in my life dealing with alcoholism. It can be sole crushing, but our narrator (while flawed) fights to survive in Florida. I couldn't help but think of Alisa Nutting's TAMPA because it was set in Florida and Lauren Groff's Florida.
The prose is perfect and poetic while still being accessible. I would say the novel's structure accomplishes a feat of brevity. It's a little under 200 pages so it can be read in an afternoon.
Kriseman takes a lot of risks in telling of story with intense eroticism while skating across taboo subject matter. It'd be inaccurate to call this an enjoyable read but it certainly is one you will remember. Pain and genius can go together when we talk about raw, unapologetic stories told from that strange place known as Florida.
Most of all, I'm proud to say, it's being put out by Two Dollar Radio and lives up to the hype. Haven't felt this good since Haint's Tale and The Reactive. I give major congratulations for Two Dollar Radio and Kriseman working together to let this book land in my hands.
Read it, weep with it, and shimmer at sentences like this:
"It was easy not to reveal anything about yourself as long as you asked the right questions of someone else."
June 25, 2020
A familiar but well written story of growing up through adolescence as the daughter of an alcoholic single mother. It is clear eyed, doesn't stint, but it has a delicate touch, the details are precisely captured. Booze and sex, inappropriate behaviour, irresponsible adults, but it is refreshing too that not everyone she meets is exploitative: some acquaintances turned friends help her along selflessly and there are good many happy-ish moments. A good read.
August 2, 2018
Debut novelist’s Eleanor Kriseman’s coming-of-age novel, The Blurry Years (July 2018) follows first-person narrator, Callie, short for Calliope, as she drifts from town to town with her damaged and damaging mother, Jeanie. Callie, who ages from six to eighteen in a book of 171 pages, is nearly lost in an aimless, careless upbringing in the late 70s and early 80s. The novel provides glimpses of her life lived in cars and temporary apartments from Florida to Oregon and back, as her mother drifts from one hollow relationship to another. Callie, on the other hand, aches for and finds attachments, some stemming from her innocent need to be held and touched, a need mixing at times with her burgeoning sexuality. This slim volume does for the novel what the recent critically acclaimed, The Florida Project, does for film. It’s a devastating rendering of a young life bound at times for despair yet full of promise.
July 8, 2019
Borrowed this book from a good friend of mine.
Started reading it on train ride to the beach...and was immediately absorbed and plowed through most of it in a single sitting (a rare phenomenon for a reader such as myself).
The writing style, although sparse and simple, is remarkable, and deeply affecting. The main character experiences so much trauma throughout the story, yet things never stopped feeling believable. All of the characters felt like people I knew or have known, which really speaks volumes for the author’s ability.
Dark(ish) yet realistic. Moving but not sappy. Absolutely fantastic overall.
Loved every moment of it.
Started reading it on train ride to the beach...and was immediately absorbed and plowed through most of it in a single sitting (a rare phenomenon for a reader such as myself).
The writing style, although sparse and simple, is remarkable, and deeply affecting. The main character experiences so much trauma throughout the story, yet things never stopped feeling believable. All of the characters felt like people I knew or have known, which really speaks volumes for the author’s ability.
Dark(ish) yet realistic. Moving but not sappy. Absolutely fantastic overall.
Loved every moment of it.
February 3, 2019
Rarely, if ever, have I felt as an intense a hatred towards a fictional character as I did towards Cal’s mother. An intense, and well-written account of growing up with an alcoholic parent. Felt just a bit too by-the-dots and I wish there’d been a bit more narrative surprises. Still a worthwhile read for its authenticity.
August 19, 2018
A perfect August read. Given the timeline of the book, I don’t *think* it was written after The Florida Project (2017 film) but to me, it felt like it picked up right where the movie left off. There is so much wisdom in this short book — I can’t wait to read what EK writes next.
October 12, 2022
a phenomenal little book, tender and thoughtful. an excellent coming of age is always fraught to get me, and this is one of them
August 14, 2018
The Blurry Years pulled me in immediately and proved to be a quick, though emotionally difficult, read. As a single mother myself, I think an accurate subtitle for this novel could be, "How NOT to be a Single Parent." Kriseman's book explores the fraught relationship between Callie and her mother while both females struggle through Callie's adolescence. Callie's young age at the beginning of the book allows her to understand very little about her mother's destructive actions. Callie seems to believe her troubled upbringing is normal until she grows older and her half-understandings develop into thinking more clearly and independently as a near-adult. As an outside observer, I witnessed Callie's maturation with a lump in my throat, wondering where her often misguided decision making, modeled after her own mother's examples, would lead next. But readers are left with hope that Callie will find a better future for herself as she realizes her own independence and power over her mother's past, saying, "And I wonder if that's the kind of person I'm going to turn out to be. Marcus says it's not. He says if you grow up with shitty parents you become the kind of person you wish your parents had been. I hope he's right. I mean, I think that's bullshit about a lot of people, but I hope he's right about me." I absolutely recommend this book to any human wishing to become a better version of themselves - which is all of us, right?
April 3, 2019
When I purchased the book I thought it was a memoir, but right before I started reading, I realized it’s fiction. I kind of wish I would’ve kept believing it was a memoir because I might have had an emotional connection to the main character Cal. Knowing this was fiction, I just couldn’t connect. Way too many cliches. It was just ok for me, a fast read, finished it in 2 hrs.
November 5, 2018
“I thought to myself how dangerous it could be to set your value at what you thought you might deserve.”
May 4, 2019
The novel begins with a short intro story about how Cal and her mother dealt with the mice in their walls. They eat pasta and slick melted margarine in bed, because they have no kitchen table. Cal's pasta falls out of her cup, leaving an oil spot on the bedsheets. She cowers and waits for her mother's reaction.
Her mother's boyfriend comes over and attempts to fix the problem. Cal comes up with her own ideas for rat traps.
This is how you meet our main characters, and the feel of the novel doesn't change much until the ending section. Cal maintains a simultaneous love and fear for her mother. We move from one dank, awkward setting to another. We meet characters briefly, form attachments, and then leave. We are forced to grab Cal's mother's hand as she flees from problems instead of confronting them.
Cal and her mother move in with her mother's boyfriend instead of solving the rat problem. Cal's affection for the rats prevents her from stabbing them with a knife, but her idea was ingenious nonetheless.
The final section is a revisiting of home and childhood. It has a faint scent of wish fulfillment, and its brevity contributes to that wish fulfillment mood. I ultimately didn't interpret it that way. It surprised me, and it was emotionally fruitful to see how a grown-up Cal returns to the past. She sees past characters in a new light. Has new conversations and tests her survival skills in a free future.
Some of Cal's reflections are cheesy. I noted this particular one on page 70.
"Makeup was supposed to be like armor, but it was actually just as vulnerable as a bare face."
I felt that they improved as the novel went on, possibly to show Cal's successful metamorphosis as an adult. It just didn't feel like enough justification to read corny or well-tread sentiments.
This is my only complaint-- it was bewildering and surprising and lovely.
Her mother's boyfriend comes over and attempts to fix the problem. Cal comes up with her own ideas for rat traps.
This is how you meet our main characters, and the feel of the novel doesn't change much until the ending section. Cal maintains a simultaneous love and fear for her mother. We move from one dank, awkward setting to another. We meet characters briefly, form attachments, and then leave. We are forced to grab Cal's mother's hand as she flees from problems instead of confronting them.
Cal and her mother move in with her mother's boyfriend instead of solving the rat problem. Cal's affection for the rats prevents her from stabbing them with a knife, but her idea was ingenious nonetheless.
The final section is a revisiting of home and childhood. It has a faint scent of wish fulfillment, and its brevity contributes to that wish fulfillment mood. I ultimately didn't interpret it that way. It surprised me, and it was emotionally fruitful to see how a grown-up Cal returns to the past. She sees past characters in a new light. Has new conversations and tests her survival skills in a free future.
Some of Cal's reflections are cheesy. I noted this particular one on page 70.
"Makeup was supposed to be like armor, but it was actually just as vulnerable as a bare face."
I felt that they improved as the novel went on, possibly to show Cal's successful metamorphosis as an adult. It just didn't feel like enough justification to read corny or well-tread sentiments.
This is my only complaint-- it was bewildering and surprising and lovely.
March 16, 2019
This book was impeccably written and incredibly disturbing. You know, just my cup of tea.
Cal and her alcoholic, emotionally abusive mother roam around Florida and across the country to Eugene leaving a trail of frustration and sorrow in their wake. Cal is painfully lonely, and finds all kinds of unhealthy ways to fill the void left by her mom's utter lack of attention and love shown towards her.
I didn't think this book could get more fucked up, but it did.
Though I loved the writing and the voice and the imagery, I felt something was missing from this book. I can't put my finger on what, exactly. I'd definitely recommend it if you enjoy dark reads.
Cal and her alcoholic, emotionally abusive mother roam around Florida and across the country to Eugene leaving a trail of frustration and sorrow in their wake. Cal is painfully lonely, and finds all kinds of unhealthy ways to fill the void left by her mom's utter lack of attention and love shown towards her.
I didn't think this book could get more fucked up, but it did.
Though I loved the writing and the voice and the imagery, I felt something was missing from this book. I can't put my finger on what, exactly. I'd definitely recommend it if you enjoy dark reads.
February 24, 2025
I love coming of age movies, and I was excited to read more Two Dollar Radio books, but this one kind of fell flat for me. It was relatable at times, but also I felt the pacing was kind of strange - and it ended pretty abruptly. The beginning makes you want to root for Cal but in the end she kind of becomes unbearable.
August 29, 2023
Oof, a doozy of a Mama Trauma novel and thus, certainly a work to be read with care - I can’t even begin to list content warnings because I know I would miss one and then I would feel bad.
That said, beautiful prose. A well-written and astute protagonist. Reminds me of The Florida Project.
That said, beautiful prose. A well-written and astute protagonist. Reminds me of The Florida Project.
December 18, 2020
Quick read, reminded me of the Florida Project, and reminded me to always have some empathy for kids that might be dealing with alcoholic parents.
January 21, 2023
Wow. I read this book in one sitting. It reminded me of The Glass Castle in some ways. It’s a tragic story about growing up with an alcoholic parent, written beautifully.
October 11, 2024
I know u got mommy issues, and I do too - The Neighborhood, a rewrite
March 12, 2024
As someone who worked in a school district with a lot of children in life circumstances similar to Callie, she is way too functional for her backstory. Also, what is the narrative sense behind her ending up with her mom's friend suppose to be? It was not cool for her to get with Marcus because he knew her as a child (sure I'll agree with that) but it is totally cool to get with her mom's friend who also knew her as a child?? I wouldn't mind if it was acknowledged in the text in some way but it's not. The book just ends and treats it as a happy ending.
August 26, 2018
Wise, intimate, and raw, Eleanor Kriseman’s debut novel The Blurry Years feels like it took a lifetime to write. And will possibly take a lifetime to forget. (You may as well prepare a space because this novel will hang out a while.)
We follow narrator Cal from ages 6 to 18 as her mother Jeanie lugs her from trailer park to motel to boyfriend’s couch, running from one drunken lapse to the next. With every move, Cal leaves behind another friend, and is more often the lone child among adults that act like children. Cal craves stability and warmth from her mother, instead finding it only in occasional acts of kindness from near strangers.
Despite the novel’s often difficult subject matter (trauma, loss, poverty, loneliness), the author never leans on bitter wit or sarcasm. Instead, with bracing honesty and songlike prose, Kriseman shows you family - the family you get, the family you choose, and the family that chooses you.
We follow narrator Cal from ages 6 to 18 as her mother Jeanie lugs her from trailer park to motel to boyfriend’s couch, running from one drunken lapse to the next. With every move, Cal leaves behind another friend, and is more often the lone child among adults that act like children. Cal craves stability and warmth from her mother, instead finding it only in occasional acts of kindness from near strangers.
Despite the novel’s often difficult subject matter (trauma, loss, poverty, loneliness), the author never leans on bitter wit or sarcasm. Instead, with bracing honesty and songlike prose, Kriseman shows you family - the family you get, the family you choose, and the family that chooses you.
August 4, 2018
You know those books that are so well-written and feel so true that the poignancy of the literature bleeds into your real life causing you to reevaluate all your past relationships and reconsider your role in other’s lives, leading you to a point where you become simultaneously happy and sad about the way you may have affected the lives of those around you, and the only way to resolve these emotions is by drowning out these emotions by rereading the book that initially made you feel that way--ultimately causing you to enter into an endless torrent of unresolvable emotion? No? Well, that’s how this book made me feel.
Callie’s coming-of-age, her mechanisms for coping with dismal situations that often felt like they were truly out of her control, and her ultimate resolution resonated a reality of life that lends the novel an undeniable force. The prose is beautiful, and the pacing of the work is such that I defy any reader to put it down for more than a moment without being haunted by its presence. Eleanor Kriseman has crafted a truly remarkable novel. Another great book published by Two Dollar Radio.
Callie’s coming-of-age, her mechanisms for coping with dismal situations that often felt like they were truly out of her control, and her ultimate resolution resonated a reality of life that lends the novel an undeniable force. The prose is beautiful, and the pacing of the work is such that I defy any reader to put it down for more than a moment without being haunted by its presence. Eleanor Kriseman has crafted a truly remarkable novel. Another great book published by Two Dollar Radio.
April 6, 2022
The first thing that came to mind as I read this book was fu**! This book was diverse in its complexities, but overall it is filled with family drama. The ink that sits ugly on these pages reminds the reader how parents can completely screw up their kids' lives.
This book of Callie's life is the epitome of childhood trauma. When an author has a gift for writing, when the story is so affecting, it metaphorically speaking lifts you from the place you sit reading the book and delivers you to that place where you wanted or didn't want to be. Callie's mom, Jeanie, probably is one of my most hated characters who made me forget that she was just that, only a character in a book. I could smell her liquor lacquered tongue as she spat obscenities at Callie. The imagery was impeccable. Jeanie had no natural affection for her daughter.
"But as a child, you see everything. You already have all the pieces, the memories, the fleeting moments you bore witness to but didn't understand. You don't know that you're just waiting for the day when you'll know enough about yourself to assemble them. It won't happen until much later. But when it does, it will feel like finally throwing away a map to a city you've been navigating uncertainly for years."
Narrated by a girl who had to grow up too fast, trying and finding her way in this demented world will make you ache to embrace her and assure her she'll eventually find her way.
The question I can't stop pondering is, who was Starr deep down?
Kriseman penned a bold searing novel that will have you thinking about it long after reading it.
There were many times I wanted to throw this book across the room, scream, smack Jeanie one or ten times, but I loved it.
This book of Callie's life is the epitome of childhood trauma. When an author has a gift for writing, when the story is so affecting, it metaphorically speaking lifts you from the place you sit reading the book and delivers you to that place where you wanted or didn't want to be. Callie's mom, Jeanie, probably is one of my most hated characters who made me forget that she was just that, only a character in a book. I could smell her liquor lacquered tongue as she spat obscenities at Callie. The imagery was impeccable. Jeanie had no natural affection for her daughter.
"But as a child, you see everything. You already have all the pieces, the memories, the fleeting moments you bore witness to but didn't understand. You don't know that you're just waiting for the day when you'll know enough about yourself to assemble them. It won't happen until much later. But when it does, it will feel like finally throwing away a map to a city you've been navigating uncertainly for years."
Narrated by a girl who had to grow up too fast, trying and finding her way in this demented world will make you ache to embrace her and assure her she'll eventually find her way.
The question I can't stop pondering is, who was Starr deep down?
Kriseman penned a bold searing novel that will have you thinking about it long after reading it.
There were many times I wanted to throw this book across the room, scream, smack Jeanie one or ten times, but I loved it.
July 24, 2018
This heart-wrenching, coming-of-age novel was difficult to put down. The protagonist Calliope is compared by another important character in the book to the Calliope of Greek mythology: “...she [mythological Calliope] wasn’t just a muse... that’s who you are, Calliope. Other people feed off of you, you know that? But you have your own ideas” (83). Other characters using Calliope and Calliope figuring out her own world and identity are the fuel for the major conflicts in the book. It’s a disturbing but important story about the abuse and neglect of a child. It’s also an honest and brutal discussion about consent and sexual trauma. But Kriseman gives us shining stars of hope as well and, though I’m conflicted about some of the stuff in the novel, those stars did a great deal to alleviate the lonely pressure of the dark.
July 3, 2021
This is the perfect book for a quick read that pulls you in from the very first page. You watch Cal grow from childhood to young adult—barely guided by a selfish, alcoholic mother whose self-pity drowns out her child’s needs for love, affection, and direction. Cal is deprived of connection, and as she gets older she finds ways to fill it with the wrong forms of attention. I loved this book and I didn’t want it to end, but the ending (last chapter or two) fell a bit flat for me. It almost felt like Cal running to Eugene was just another form of filling her void and seeking human touch in someone she knew would provide it. She was praised for being so bright, I almost wish we saw her life turn around in a completely new way.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 6, 2019
I really liked this book until the last chapter. I think the ending was meant to be hopeful, but it did not strike me as a very healthy situation. Also, I think the story should have been longer and fleshed out a bit more. But the writing is poignant, and Callie felt very real—overall worth reading.
July 1, 2023
I don’t even know how I came across this book, but I’m glad I did. The storyline definitely was one I’ve read many times before, exploring how a mother’s complicated relationship with and often questionable choices about her daughter affect their lives.
But where this book really shines is the portrayal of girlhood. It touches on things that most authors shy away from, like the loss of your best friend and the many things that no one tells you about growing up.
I also really enjoyed the discussion of what is possible for your future and how your parents seem to determine that (is it possible to not reproduce the stressors inflicted upon you by your parents?). I liked how Cal talked about being worried all she would ever end up doing was being a waitress like her mom and how she wasn’t sure that anything could help her avoid that fate. It felt real and vulnerable. I was a bit irritated with one aspect of the ending, (SPOILER) because it felt inappropriate (even though it was kinda acknowledged) to have Cal enter a relationship with Starr. But otherwise, the rest of the book overshadowed the issue I took with that part. Ultimately, this explores girlhood, friendship, motherhood, moving, nostalgia, home, sexuality, and the idea of the ability to escape what your future holds for you based on your present.
* I wanted to stop driving, even if where we stopped wasn’t home. I wanted my world to narrow to one point again, to stay the same in front of my eyes, wanted the landscape to stop blurring as we sped by life instead of living it. We were in limbo. Anywhere with even one familiar thing, one room with a solid floor under my feet, would have felt—if not like home— like someplace I could get used to. (29%)
* Makeup was supposed to be like armor, but it was actually just as vulnerable as a bare face. When you wore makeup, you were showing everyone how you wished you really looked. You were admitting that you didn’t look the way you wanted to. (41%)
* I tried to picture the days ahead, what would happen when we pulled out of the driveway. Everything outside would begin to blur again and it would feel familiar, which made me intensely sad, that a blur was something I could get used to. (44%)
* *It didn’t make sense that you could feel like you existed in a secret world with one other person, that there was some force field around the two of you that wouldn’t let anybody else in, and then one day it could pop and it was as if you’d never even spoken to each other, much less peeled the sunburned skin from each other’s backs or examined the pale tan-line triangles of your bare chests side by side in the bathroom mirror. (66%)
* “Girls like that don’t think they’re pretty. They’ll do anything.” He laughed to himself, obviously remembering something he’d convinced this girl to do, the lack of confidence that he’d exploited. I thought to myself how dangerous it could be to set your value at what you thought you might deserve. (71%)
* *But sometimes when I was sober and alone at the apartment I cycled through all of the grimy bathrooms, the filthy bedrooms, the messy backseats of shitty old cars, and everything I’d done inside them. It was like how dust gathered in the corners of a room, and you didn’t notice it or think about it until one day you decided to move the furniture or something and then it was all there, clumped and dirty, and no matter how many times you tried to sweep it all up there was always a little bit that wouldn’t go away and you had to sweep it back under the sofa where it was before but now you knew it was there, and the floor always felt gritty under your feet from then on. (75%)
* As a parent, you can try to keep things secret from your children. You can try to conceal the cracks in your life, the dirty and perpetual work that goes into making life just a little bit better, the cheap and dangerous shortcuts you take to experience something that could almost pass for joy because you’re terrified of actually trying to find it, and failing miserably. But as a child, you see everything. You already have all the pieces, the memories, the fleeting moments you bore witness to but didn’t understand. You don’t know that you’re just waiting for the day when you’ll know enough about your own self to assemble the,. It won’t happen until much later. But when it does, it will feel like finally throwing away a map to a city you’re been navigating uncertainly for years. // I willed myself not to cry. This must have been the way she felt. Traveling blindly away from home, putting all her trust in the idea that someone—anyone—would be there. Not even waiting for her, just there. I could have been a better daughter, I thought. I could have been so much better. (87%)
But where this book really shines is the portrayal of girlhood. It touches on things that most authors shy away from, like the loss of your best friend and the many things that no one tells you about growing up.
I also really enjoyed the discussion of what is possible for your future and how your parents seem to determine that (is it possible to not reproduce the stressors inflicted upon you by your parents?). I liked how Cal talked about being worried all she would ever end up doing was being a waitress like her mom and how she wasn’t sure that anything could help her avoid that fate. It felt real and vulnerable. I was a bit irritated with one aspect of the ending, (SPOILER) because it felt inappropriate (even though it was kinda acknowledged) to have Cal enter a relationship with Starr. But otherwise, the rest of the book overshadowed the issue I took with that part. Ultimately, this explores girlhood, friendship, motherhood, moving, nostalgia, home, sexuality, and the idea of the ability to escape what your future holds for you based on your present.
* I wanted to stop driving, even if where we stopped wasn’t home. I wanted my world to narrow to one point again, to stay the same in front of my eyes, wanted the landscape to stop blurring as we sped by life instead of living it. We were in limbo. Anywhere with even one familiar thing, one room with a solid floor under my feet, would have felt—if not like home— like someplace I could get used to. (29%)
* Makeup was supposed to be like armor, but it was actually just as vulnerable as a bare face. When you wore makeup, you were showing everyone how you wished you really looked. You were admitting that you didn’t look the way you wanted to. (41%)
* I tried to picture the days ahead, what would happen when we pulled out of the driveway. Everything outside would begin to blur again and it would feel familiar, which made me intensely sad, that a blur was something I could get used to. (44%)
* *It didn’t make sense that you could feel like you existed in a secret world with one other person, that there was some force field around the two of you that wouldn’t let anybody else in, and then one day it could pop and it was as if you’d never even spoken to each other, much less peeled the sunburned skin from each other’s backs or examined the pale tan-line triangles of your bare chests side by side in the bathroom mirror. (66%)
* “Girls like that don’t think they’re pretty. They’ll do anything.” He laughed to himself, obviously remembering something he’d convinced this girl to do, the lack of confidence that he’d exploited. I thought to myself how dangerous it could be to set your value at what you thought you might deserve. (71%)
* *But sometimes when I was sober and alone at the apartment I cycled through all of the grimy bathrooms, the filthy bedrooms, the messy backseats of shitty old cars, and everything I’d done inside them. It was like how dust gathered in the corners of a room, and you didn’t notice it or think about it until one day you decided to move the furniture or something and then it was all there, clumped and dirty, and no matter how many times you tried to sweep it all up there was always a little bit that wouldn’t go away and you had to sweep it back under the sofa where it was before but now you knew it was there, and the floor always felt gritty under your feet from then on. (75%)
* As a parent, you can try to keep things secret from your children. You can try to conceal the cracks in your life, the dirty and perpetual work that goes into making life just a little bit better, the cheap and dangerous shortcuts you take to experience something that could almost pass for joy because you’re terrified of actually trying to find it, and failing miserably. But as a child, you see everything. You already have all the pieces, the memories, the fleeting moments you bore witness to but didn’t understand. You don’t know that you’re just waiting for the day when you’ll know enough about your own self to assemble the,. It won’t happen until much later. But when it does, it will feel like finally throwing away a map to a city you’re been navigating uncertainly for years. // I willed myself not to cry. This must have been the way she felt. Traveling blindly away from home, putting all her trust in the idea that someone—anyone—would be there. Not even waiting for her, just there. I could have been a better daughter, I thought. I could have been so much better. (87%)
July 14, 2021
Eleanor Kriseman is a talented writer but The Blurry Years isn't a talented book, unfortunately. The Last Days of California by Mary Miller is a better book. It mines the same coming of age territory but Mary Miller is able to sustain her talent throughout the novel. The first half or first third of The Blurry Years *is* good, though. She drops the ball around the time that Cal and Jazz meet Johnny on the beach(took me awhile to figure out that this is a YA book). After that, she didn't seem to know what to do with the book. Mrs. Silverman and Max seem like gratuitous minor characters. Cal is the protagonist and the first person narrator. Her mother is an alcoholic, sociopath, borderline personality sufferer,narcissist,pathological liar combo. The scene where Cal and her mother end up in her mother's ex boyfriend's enclosed backyard to steal his much beloved dog in his absence and bring it to the pound is chilling. The revenge is necessary because now Bruce, her ex, lives with another woman. Cal loves this dog. And so does Bruce. When Bruce breaks into the apartment that he no longer lives in with them, (and that he's still paying rent on) when he doesn't find the dog there, he cries on Cal's bed. And Cal, whose 7 at the time, can't tell him the whereabouts of the dog because of fear of repercussions from her mother. The absence of Cal's father and or sperm donor is never alluded to except when Cal wonders who took the picture of her as a baby with her mother. Her mother had told her that she hadn't remembered. I think that she would be more interested in what happened to her father and or sperm donor then Kriseman writes her. I wonder why she left that out almost entirely. By doing so she makes the book seem incomplete. I like how Kriseman used expectations as a vehicle. Leaving the reader surprised. A scene that had ominous overtones like a threesome was going to take place with a minor - Cal at the time - just transpires into her hanging out with adult strangers, that her mother knows, at their house while they smoke pot. Or how her mother drives with Cal all the way to Oregon from Florida - the purpose of the trip is to move back in with her own estranged mother - only to find out that her mother's house is sold and that shortly after the sale, her mother died. Starr, a friend from high school, lets them live with her, until they decide what they are going to do. Jeanne(Cal's mother) manipulates Russ(Starr's boyfriend) into giving her a check that he can't really afford so that they can go back to Florida and pay the rent on their apartment and use the money for whatever else they will need to do. When she gets a job in Daytona - they are able to use the money for the move, as well. After she gets the check from Russ, she tells Cal, that Starr is an idiot and that she doesn't know what's going on. Not really clear how Cal goes from straight A student to an alcoholic, nymphomaniac, anorexic. Andie her best friend shows her friendship by holding Cal's hair so that after eating, she can vomit in the toilet. That's some good friend! There are moments in the rest of the book that stand out away from it's mediocrity - when Cal accidently reveals stolen underwear to her mother from her pocket after babysitting. And her mother says something similar to or exactly like: "Paid you in underwear, did she." After the babysitting job, her mother insists that she drink with her. And apparently she makes her fourteen year old daughter drink a lot and often. Cal always since she was a child has a fear of going against her mother. It's like she has a Stockholm Syndrome relationship with her mother. The scene with her outburst at her guidance counselor didn't seem realistic - her only fault being was that she thought that Cal was bright enough for scholarships. The scene where she ends up having sex with her mother's boyfriend in front of her mother - because she's shitfaced out of her mind - is the scene that finally divides them. It lacked veracity, as well. And Marcus is such a good man - he can only exist on paper. It's too bad she didn't say what three paperbacks Marcus gave her before she left. This book is purported to take place in the 70's(?). She wouldn't be making two twenties from babysitting in the 70's. More like a dollar an hour. Two, if you were lucky.
November 1, 2018
via my blog: https://bookstalkerblog.wordpress.com/
"I wanted to stop driving, even if where we stopped wasn’t home. I wanted my world to narrow to one point again, to stay the same in front of my eyes, wanted the landscape to stop blurring as we sped by life instead of living it. We were in limbo."
A coming of age set in the late seventies early eighties Florida. This isn’t the sunshine state all the tourists and snowbirds know and love. There aren’t trips to theme parks and lazy beach days with coolers full of food and drinks, a parent’s watchful eye for her. Callie (Calliope) grows up starved for more than food and a place to call home. Affection and attention is fleeting, she is exposed to the seedy side of life where her mother Jeanie can’t keep herself together let alone be a role model for her child. The places she lives have thin walls, too much noise, bugs, rodents. The fun her mother and friends have when they aren’t working crummy jobs is full of partying, and conversations her young mind can’t decipher, nor should she be exposed to. The men that surround her life don’t concern themselves much with age, young girls are all the more appealing.
Just when her mother gets herself into a jam, they decide to return to her grandmother June’s place in Eugene, Oregon. It’s the very place her mother Jeanie fled so long ago, but the best laid plans often go awry. Callie is her mother’s rag doll, dragged along, at the mercy of her whims. For a time, Callie feasts on love and stability when they shack up with Jeanie’s best friend Starr and she wonders how long this happiness, as thin as it is, will last. Her desire feels muddled, inducing shame and hunger, changing the way she thinks about women, men and love all because of her adoration of Starr. The only constant in Callie’s life is that her mother will get restless, or find trouble, surely the lull in the chaos of their existence won’t last; happiness for Callie rarely does.
When they are back in Florida again, Callie’s soul becomes as bruised as the Florida sky during a thunderstorm. Offering herself up to an older guy, desperate to feel wanted, loved, to feel anything but the emptiness of goodbyes. This wanting, over time because a sense of owing, owing people (mostly men) pleasure, payment for any drop of decency shown to her. With teachers lecturing on their usual spiel, ‘you can be anything’ and working as a babysitter for a wealthy couple she has to wonder if someone like her, who comes from nothing, could ever find her way to a fuller life. How do you believe in a bright future when the only evidence before you is contrary to your dreams? Or worse, what if you don’t even really have dreams because you’ve learned far too early that world is off limits to the likes of you. All you have been witness to is adults failing, living in the gutter, not one story worth latching unto? A mother who for all her presence is vacant, unable to share any intimacy with her daughter Callie, but is fast to drink with her, include her in her raunchy escapades. With a mother who encourages her into sleazy situations and then fails to protect her, how do you believe in a better tomorrow?
This novel is an all too familiar story where I am from. Don’t be mistaken, there are plenty of children living in poverty whose parents give them love and affection, who guide them. It just isn’t always the case that poverty equates with neglect, poverty makes things harder, there is a lot of wanting that goes unfulfilled but parents can still nuture their children. However, Jeanie is a disaster, the sort of mother who never seemed to develop beyond her own reckless teenage mentality. She hates her life, resents the adult responsibilities raising a child entails and while it’s possibly a cycle where help was absent when she was ready for it, that doesn’t excuse the neglect of Callie. Far too often kids around Florida grow up too fast, exposed as they are to adult chaos or worse, predators who have easy access thanks to their self-centered parents. A single mother who herself manipulates, plays men to get what she needs when she isn’t running from abusive relationships isn’t aware enough to shelter her girl from the world she constantly lands them in. The darkness is always lurking but the biggest threat to Callie may well be her own mother. At 171 pages it is a fast read, and yet gritty as our sandy beaches. It is tragic because it’s too real. Florida isn’t the only state with these types of stories, most people have at least one friend or someone they know of who had damaged parents and it doesn’t always end with the child breaking free one day. Some become like their parents despite their hunger for anything other than… some don’t make it out alive and numb themselves with drugs, abusive relationships… you name it. How will it be for Callie?
Out now
Two Dollar Radio
"I wanted to stop driving, even if where we stopped wasn’t home. I wanted my world to narrow to one point again, to stay the same in front of my eyes, wanted the landscape to stop blurring as we sped by life instead of living it. We were in limbo."
A coming of age set in the late seventies early eighties Florida. This isn’t the sunshine state all the tourists and snowbirds know and love. There aren’t trips to theme parks and lazy beach days with coolers full of food and drinks, a parent’s watchful eye for her. Callie (Calliope) grows up starved for more than food and a place to call home. Affection and attention is fleeting, she is exposed to the seedy side of life where her mother Jeanie can’t keep herself together let alone be a role model for her child. The places she lives have thin walls, too much noise, bugs, rodents. The fun her mother and friends have when they aren’t working crummy jobs is full of partying, and conversations her young mind can’t decipher, nor should she be exposed to. The men that surround her life don’t concern themselves much with age, young girls are all the more appealing.
Just when her mother gets herself into a jam, they decide to return to her grandmother June’s place in Eugene, Oregon. It’s the very place her mother Jeanie fled so long ago, but the best laid plans often go awry. Callie is her mother’s rag doll, dragged along, at the mercy of her whims. For a time, Callie feasts on love and stability when they shack up with Jeanie’s best friend Starr and she wonders how long this happiness, as thin as it is, will last. Her desire feels muddled, inducing shame and hunger, changing the way she thinks about women, men and love all because of her adoration of Starr. The only constant in Callie’s life is that her mother will get restless, or find trouble, surely the lull in the chaos of their existence won’t last; happiness for Callie rarely does.
When they are back in Florida again, Callie’s soul becomes as bruised as the Florida sky during a thunderstorm. Offering herself up to an older guy, desperate to feel wanted, loved, to feel anything but the emptiness of goodbyes. This wanting, over time because a sense of owing, owing people (mostly men) pleasure, payment for any drop of decency shown to her. With teachers lecturing on their usual spiel, ‘you can be anything’ and working as a babysitter for a wealthy couple she has to wonder if someone like her, who comes from nothing, could ever find her way to a fuller life. How do you believe in a bright future when the only evidence before you is contrary to your dreams? Or worse, what if you don’t even really have dreams because you’ve learned far too early that world is off limits to the likes of you. All you have been witness to is adults failing, living in the gutter, not one story worth latching unto? A mother who for all her presence is vacant, unable to share any intimacy with her daughter Callie, but is fast to drink with her, include her in her raunchy escapades. With a mother who encourages her into sleazy situations and then fails to protect her, how do you believe in a better tomorrow?
This novel is an all too familiar story where I am from. Don’t be mistaken, there are plenty of children living in poverty whose parents give them love and affection, who guide them. It just isn’t always the case that poverty equates with neglect, poverty makes things harder, there is a lot of wanting that goes unfulfilled but parents can still nuture their children. However, Jeanie is a disaster, the sort of mother who never seemed to develop beyond her own reckless teenage mentality. She hates her life, resents the adult responsibilities raising a child entails and while it’s possibly a cycle where help was absent when she was ready for it, that doesn’t excuse the neglect of Callie. Far too often kids around Florida grow up too fast, exposed as they are to adult chaos or worse, predators who have easy access thanks to their self-centered parents. A single mother who herself manipulates, plays men to get what she needs when she isn’t running from abusive relationships isn’t aware enough to shelter her girl from the world she constantly lands them in. The darkness is always lurking but the biggest threat to Callie may well be her own mother. At 171 pages it is a fast read, and yet gritty as our sandy beaches. It is tragic because it’s too real. Florida isn’t the only state with these types of stories, most people have at least one friend or someone they know of who had damaged parents and it doesn’t always end with the child breaking free one day. Some become like their parents despite their hunger for anything other than… some don’t make it out alive and numb themselves with drugs, abusive relationships… you name it. How will it be for Callie?
Out now
Two Dollar Radio
August 17, 2025
We often say that things like love cannot be explained. One needs to experience it to truly understand it. The same stays true for every other emotion that there is. Envy, relief, satisfaction, and most importantly, hatred. You can only understand them if you’ve experienced them. Emotions cannot be explained just like colors cannot be explained to those born blind. None of your fanciest word would evoke an emotion one isn’t familiar to. This book has birthed such hatred inside of me, which was always there but unbeknownst to me. And that is why it was an important read.
Unlike a movie which shows a messed up character with a dark past which she randomly sometimes talks about, and scenes that show shut doors with whispered sounds and you’re supposed to imagine something sinister going on behind it; this book takes you through those horrors frame by frame and you’re on the front seat of a life unfurling before you on pages which is supposed to be a secret. And you see the exact moments why a child is going to grow into a non-confident, unloving, self-pitying, always-angry, probably an alcoholic, and a very messed up adult. Why do some people have no sense of the obvious rights and wrongs. Why do some people confuse kindness with love, and pity with desire. A healthy household provides a definite definition of life and its things which we take for granted, and going through life of Cal you’d see why we shouldn’t.
Overall, this was an overwhelming read. Although I’d never read it again unless I start to crave this deeply disturbed state I am in at the moment; I am glad that I came across this book and happy that I read it.
Unlike a movie which shows a messed up character with a dark past which she randomly sometimes talks about, and scenes that show shut doors with whispered sounds and you’re supposed to imagine something sinister going on behind it; this book takes you through those horrors frame by frame and you’re on the front seat of a life unfurling before you on pages which is supposed to be a secret. And you see the exact moments why a child is going to grow into a non-confident, unloving, self-pitying, always-angry, probably an alcoholic, and a very messed up adult. Why do some people have no sense of the obvious rights and wrongs. Why do some people confuse kindness with love, and pity with desire. A healthy household provides a definite definition of life and its things which we take for granted, and going through life of Cal you’d see why we shouldn’t.
Overall, this was an overwhelming read. Although I’d never read it again unless I start to crave this deeply disturbed state I am in at the moment; I am glad that I came across this book and happy that I read it.
December 14, 2018
I really did love this book, especially since I am from Florida and really adored some of the details and thought that was put into the setting of this book. It felt very real, with an atmosphere that was powerful and dictated a large portion of the book's overall vibe. I loved it from the start, and really liked the chunk of the book where Cal was very young and naive. My favorite part was definitely the road trip. Some of the lines during those chapters were just so strong and really showed the reader who Cal was and how she saw the world around her. There was no possible way you couldn't feel exactly what Cal was feeling at the time. The mother/daughter dynamic was really well done, and it showed a side of families that not everyone is very familiar with. However, I was not in love with the ending, it felt very rushed and kind of random. I liked Starr in the early chapters, but the way that her and Cal's relationship ended up just seemed kind of unexpected. Overall, this was a really good book. I would only change a few small things, but I think it nailed the most important part, which is having a strong narrator.
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