The Banana In My Butt Is A Handsome Lifeguard

by Chuck Tingle

It’s summer, and Tronbo finds himself deeply compelled to visit the beach. His friends are too busy, which prompts Tronbo to head out for a solo swim that turns dangerous quickly. Suddenly, the lone swimmer is drowning. Fortunately, Tronbo finds himself rescued from the jaws of death by a handsome living banana lifeguard, who seems to be carrying a deep dark secret. Soon enough, the two of them find themselves wrapped up in a romantic tryst with more layers than just a simple banana peel, culminating in a hardcore pounding between the muscular man and his breathtaking banana lifeguard. This erotic tale is 4,200 words of sizzling human on fruit action, including anal, blowjobs, facials, rough sex and living banana lifeguard love.

Genres: Romance, Humor

39 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 27, 2018

About the author

Chuck Tingle is a mysterious force of energy behind sunglasses and a pink mask. He is also an anonymous author of romance, horror, and fantasy. Chuck was born in Home of Truth, Utah, and now splits time between Billings, Montana and Los Angeles, California. Chuck writes to prove love is real, because love is the most important tool we have when resisting the endless cosmic void. Not everything people say about Chuck is true, but the important parts are.

Management and general inquiry: infotingleverse@gmail.com

Literary agent: DongWon at dongwonsong.com

Reviews

[Marc *Dark Reader with a Thousand Young! Iä!*]

Also, there's a ghost.

Also, I was not expecting a touching tale of loss, grief, and proof that love is real, but that's a Tingler for you.

Also, this e-book includes a bonus Tingler,

And thus my Kindle Unlimited trial is nearly concluded.

[Ceylin]

….what🤠

[Missy]

You know what? Good for them.

[Elspeth]

Yes... Well....

Yes.

2 stars for the jokes and puns.

Is he a banana shaped? Is he human shaped? We will never know.

[Linh]

Should you read The Banana In My Butt Is A Handsome Lifeguard? A detailed decisional balance sheet:

Cons:
★ It's super short. I read it in one sitting. Felt like getting the rug pulled underneath me.
★ There was a stupid "...and then everyone claps" part.
★ They didn't get married OR have kids.

Pros:
★ It's super short. I read it in one sitting. Minimized trauma.
★ The (handsome) (banana) lifeguard has a c*ck... Ok, to elaborate, I imagined when they'd have sex, the banana would, you know, nose dive into the other guy's butt. It did not happen, he was on his feet the whole time having rather normal sex.
★ The guy that got rescued is quite a colorful & cool character! 10/10 character building provided how short this story was.
★ It's on KU.

So there you go. Make your own decision. I gave this book a 4* because it was fun but too weird for me. 🤪

[Lauren Frye]

LMAO THE BOOK WAS BOOKING

[HattieB]

Not the best of the genre but it still has some funny moments.

[Filu]

I regret reading this so much.
I never enjoyed banana milkshakes and thanks to this story i never will.

But it‘s perfect for trash month.

[Maria]

This is an absolute literary masterpiece. This is the first Chuck Tingle book I’ve read and I am obsessed. I will be reading more in the future so stay tuned. The version I got actually has two stories in it too! Get ready guys, because the stories in this one are just as wild as Wet Hot Allosaurus Summer.

The Banana in My Butt is a Handsome Lifeguard

Tronbo, a human person, decides to go to the beach for a little swimming and relaxation. He drifts out to sea further than he anticipated and starts panicking and starts to drown. Greet, the sentient handsome banana lifeguard, dives in and pulls Tronbo to shore. Greet and Tronbo decide to go on a lunch date and go to a taco truck. Tronbo tells Greet that he thinks Greet is holding back something. Greet then tells Tronbo of an accident that happened with his previous boyfriend, Torks (also a human person). Greet tells the story of how him and his boyfriend wanted to go skinny dipping. They went to a cliffside view of the ocean, where Torks tripped on Greet’s peel and fell into the water below and drowned. Greet also tells Tronbo that he looks just like Tonks. They get to the taco truck and Tronbo is like “Wait, I don’t remember ever eating anything or being hungry at all.” Greet makes the realization that Tronbo is actually Torks ghost! They decide to go back to the cove where Torks died and have sex. Don’t worry, I know what you’re thinking. Yes, Greet’s cum tastes like a banana smoothie. Afterward, Torks declares that his purpose is done and he has to leave. A steam train bursts out of the ocean and Torks hops on. They say their final I love yous and the train heads back into the ocean.

Gaygent Brontosaurus: The Butt is Not Enough

A bellboy, John Marks (wow an actual normal name for once), is ordered to take the bags of a Russian mafia member up to his room. The Russian’s name is Tudwig Cobbler by the way. John gets on the elevator and meets a brontosaurus wearing a nice suit. The brontosaur explains that he’s going to bug Tudwig’s room because Tudwig is trying to get his hands on nuclear warheads. The brontosaur then introduces himself as Secret Gaygent Brontosaurus. Tudwig arrives at the room and foils Gaygent Brontosaurus’ plan. They get involved in a shootout and an explosive is thrown at John and Gaygent Brontosaurus. Gaygent Brontosaurus then grabs a hold of John and jumps out the window. Gaygent Brontosaurus deploys a parachute and they land in a convertible. John confesses his love and Gaygent Brontosaurus says that he can’t get caught up in a relationship due to his work. They start to drive and find Tudwig trying to get away. They get involved in a high speed chase where Gaygent Brontosaurus is able to throw Tudwig’s car off of a cliff. John and Gaygent Brontosaurus stay in a beachside home that night and have sex. They go for a swim afterwards and Gaygent Brontosaurus recruits John into the secret gaygent service.

[readingbunny]

Wow

[Amber Myers]

Bri you are dead to me for this.

[Alex Tibbens]

First Tingle book I’ve read, wow. Short, sweet, and to the point.

[Didi]

astounding, incredible, inspiring

[almu]

i have to feed the weird kid allegations

[Aurora Kretsch]

⭐️⭐️💫

I liked it enough, but like… what was that ending?? I felt like I was missing so much information for a story that’s supposed to be just banana smut.

[Esha MacDonald]

I don’t know what I expected but clearly not any of this

[emma]

shout out to the girls at my local book store that told me this one was where i needed to start my chuck tingle journey because boy did i enjoy the weirdness of this one

[ariel *ੈ✩‧₊˚]

It was exactly what I thought it was 💀💀💀

[George Allen]

I mean

[Lisa C]

⭐️⭐️/5, because it made me laugh.


This was a wild ride…

First, I am trying to picture what a “cream colored cylinder of sugar sweetness” with “a muscular body” looks like.

Second, I just want to say I appreciate the description “potassium enriched abs” 💀 Literary genius, right there.

Third, the most unbelievable part of the story is the idea that the main character is an adult but has never eaten a taco before. That’s saying something because ya know the whole love interest being a sentient banana thing.

This was like a soap opera, one plot twist after another:
-Long lost lovers
-Amnesia
-Ghosts
-Aliens, maybe? Insinuated by the last 2 pages
-The sci-fi element discussing parallel universes and alternate timelines.

There was a lot to unpack here, this was my first Chuck Tingle read and it was an experience. Will I read another book by this author? Probably not. Thank god this was free on KU.

[Mol]

No words for this one. It just exists.

[WannabeFMC]

Do I need to create an entirely separate rating system for Chuck Tingle books? Or maybe for all of these weird little monster and sentient object romances in general? Maybe.

This was my first Chuck Tingle book and it was absolutely ridiculous in the best way possible. I laughed, cringed and spent most of the book questioning how I got here.

The sentient banana lifeguard taking off his peel to “get down” genuinely took me out. And the fact that his "brogurt" tasted like a banana smoothie? Hilarious and memorable.

Was this an odd little read? Yes.
Will I absolutely be reading more? Also yes.

[Chevell]

I heard about Chuck Tingle from a Facebook group and had to see what it was all about from the interesting covers and titles…. This book was very funny, and confusing at the same time. It was a great break from my norm but I’m not sure something I would read all the time. Also might have made me question smoothies ever again.

[Sarah Claire]

Solely to say I read a Chuck Tingle book, I went with a KU available option and here we are.

Did I expect to read a paranormal love story between a banana and a man? Nope. Nor did I expect to read the bonus story of a secret agent dinosaur and his bellhop lover.

I came. I saw. I conquered my first Tingler.

[Laura]

I didn't love it ... but i didn't hate it either.
Very fun book definitely recommend to everyone .... whoops.

Read this with a bunch of others on live for out unhinged book club and this book definitely lived up to the name of the book club.

[Alicia Laramore]

You can't just slip some feelings into my nonsense erotica! It so rude.

Um, there is a banana peel, ghost/zombie?, insane abs on a banana (make that make sense), and a train for the dead? I don't know what I read, it I'm down for a wild ride and a good laugh.

[Désirée Litchford-Rooney]

I absolutely cannot and will not complain. This reads like a teen's secret notebook of confused dirty half-baked ideas and is edited about as well. Nevertheless you get what they promise on the cover. Lol forever 😂

[Meghan]

I am a little sad that there were at least 8 errors in only about 4k words but amused by the commitment to the banana. He had to take off his peel to swim or perform the pound activities Chuck is known for. The bananas lover, who turns out to be a reincarnated ghost of his dead boyfriend, notes his "potassium enriched abs". I'll take this zaniness over comparing labia to petals.

[Anna]

Esse ele se superou. Uma banana e um fantasma transaram
puta que pariu viu

[Kai Van]

well that was a ride. there's a ghost!