What do you think?
Rate this book
How Not to F*ck Up Your Kids Too Bad
his passionate, eye-opening and heart-felt book is perfect for parents of 0-8 year olds and gives an amazing insight into how to minimise childhood trauma. By changing your attitude to parenting you will raise emotionally mature children without losing your mind.
Here's what you can expect:
• Why the naughty step needs to go as soon as possible.
• How to help your kids to share and not share for their best good.
• Learn how to really communicate and listen to your child's needs.
• Why self-empowerment and personal development are your best parenting tools.
• Why you should never lie to your children if you want them to grow up to be balanced adults
• And lots more including sleeping habits, toilet training, dealing with tantrums, sibling rivalry and how to teach your children to learn.
Wayne is an internationally renowned healer who, for the past 12 years, has helped thousands of adult clients deal with inner-child trauma instilled in them by unaware parenting. In this straight-talking and often light-hearted book he shares concepts, ideas and insights to help prevent your kids ending up on the therapy couch. Jam-packed with real-life case studies, practical ideas and advice, How Not To Fuck-Up Your kids will help you to become the best parent you can be and help your children grow into genuine, emotionally stable and empowered adults.
Note from the author: If this book doesn’t make you see parenting in a different light I'll eat my fucking hat.
Here's what you can expect:
• Why the naughty step needs to go as soon as possible.
• How to help your kids to share and not share for their best good.
• Learn how to really communicate and listen to your child's needs.
• Why self-empowerment and personal development are your best parenting tools.
• Why you should never lie to your children if you want them to grow up to be balanced adults
• And lots more including sleeping habits, toilet training, dealing with tantrums, sibling rivalry and how to teach your children to learn.
Wayne is an internationally renowned healer who, for the past 12 years, has helped thousands of adult clients deal with inner-child trauma instilled in them by unaware parenting. In this straight-talking and often light-hearted book he shares concepts, ideas and insights to help prevent your kids ending up on the therapy couch. Jam-packed with real-life case studies, practical ideas and advice, How Not To Fuck-Up Your kids will help you to become the best parent you can be and help your children grow into genuine, emotionally stable and empowered adults.
Note from the author: If this book doesn’t make you see parenting in a different light I'll eat my fucking hat.
Audiobook
13 people are currently reading
144 people want to read
About the author
Stephen Marche
19 books188 followersStephen Marche is the author of The Unmade Bed (2016), The Hunger of the Wolf (2015), Love and the Mess We’re In (2013), How Shakespeare Changed Everything (2012), Shining at the Bottom of the Sea (2007) and Raymond and Hannah (2005). He's written for nearly every newspaper and magazine you can name.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
October 16, 2018
A rather straight forward, to the point skim across modern day parenting, with a slant towards the father side of things. The thesis statement, if you would call it that, would be that you will in fact fuck up. Nothing we can say or do will prepare us for parenthood, and the curve balls in today's modern life just keep coming. Enter this book, with its short jaunt through parenting in today's landscape.
The book hit all of the salient points of modern parenting - from my own personal trouble spot of yelling, to the future hurdles I will face with my children such as phones/technology, drug use, and porn. Each of these could be and have been addressed as whole books by other authors. However, Mr Marche gave just enough information to, at least initially, riddle me with fear, uncertainty, and doubt about my own abilities as a parent now, and far into the future. He does circle back in the last chapter to make you the dear reader feel better about it all.
My personal big takeaway was to start modeling my own behavior to what I would hope my children will someday become. Putting that phone down, really engaging with my children, and most of all, being open and honest with them.
Great book, and a very quick and insightful listen!
The book hit all of the salient points of modern parenting - from my own personal trouble spot of yelling, to the future hurdles I will face with my children such as phones/technology, drug use, and porn. Each of these could be and have been addressed as whole books by other authors. However, Mr Marche gave just enough information to, at least initially, riddle me with fear, uncertainty, and doubt about my own abilities as a parent now, and far into the future. He does circle back in the last chapter to make you the dear reader feel better about it all.
My personal big takeaway was to start modeling my own behavior to what I would hope my children will someday become. Putting that phone down, really engaging with my children, and most of all, being open and honest with them.
Great book, and a very quick and insightful listen!
November 25, 2018
Presented in a fun yet educational way.
I believe every father needs to read this.
I'm not a father (nor a mother yet) but I have learned from and enjoyed this book/presentation a lot.
Still, not all problems have solutions but it was helpful in a way that makes you think that you need to share things and be more open with your children in order for them not to be afraid of sharing things.
Kids love to explore new things and they should be allowed to do it, with supervision and peior serious talks. Maybe presented in a way that is fun and not too direct.
I am against fear and threats, parents need to befriend their kids to form a nice and strong bond with each other.
I believe every father needs to read this.
I'm not a father (nor a mother yet) but I have learned from and enjoyed this book/presentation a lot.
Still, not all problems have solutions but it was helpful in a way that makes you think that you need to share things and be more open with your children in order for them not to be afraid of sharing things.
Kids love to explore new things and they should be allowed to do it, with supervision and peior serious talks. Maybe presented in a way that is fun and not too direct.
I am against fear and threats, parents need to befriend their kids to form a nice and strong bond with each other.
June 19, 2025
As far as parenting books go this one is more interesting than most.
This is not a traditional print chapter book. It is an audio only book that honestly feels more like a 10 part podcast than a paper book. The narration is great and the audio is interesting.
The good:
This book is directly targeting fathers. Most parenting books are targeting mothers or assume the primary audience is mothers.
The chapters mostly deal with things that modern fathers are going to be thinking about.
The bad:
Most of the subjects are left really open. This is not entirely bad. This feels almost like you have a parenting group that talked about all sorts of subjects but never really comes to a conclusion.
Chapter subjects:
Choosing a name for your child
if you already have your kid and have chosen a name this will not provide much extra information but it may make you think about what the name your gave your kid will mean for them. Did you use a classical name or a unique name.
Sex After Kids
This is more for husbands not so much fathers. It talks about how sex changes after child birth and how ways you might go about trying to renew your sex life when all the energy is spent taking care of this new life.
Yelling (how to stop yelling at your kids)
This basically boiled down to make a goal not to yell at your children and keep that goal going week after week till it becomes second nature.
Phone and Screen time
How much is to much. I don't think the book really got an answer for this. It did bring up the recommendations of the pediatric society.
Sharing books and media with racist or problematic content
The really big two suggestions we. 1) don't read those type of books there are many books out there that could be read with your children no need to read racist content. or 2) be ready to have open a frank conversations about what you are reading with your children so they learn from you.
Talking about pot
This kinda assumes that kids will gain access to pot and smoke it sometime in there life. This is about making sure if they do they will be responsible.
talking about porn
The chapter was interesting but I don't think if help out in any way.
Global Comparisons to Fatherhood
One of the more interesting chapters of the book. It compared what being a dad looks like in many parts of the world. From absent to really involved. It was interesting view.
This is not a traditional print chapter book. It is an audio only book that honestly feels more like a 10 part podcast than a paper book. The narration is great and the audio is interesting.
The good:
This book is directly targeting fathers. Most parenting books are targeting mothers or assume the primary audience is mothers.
The chapters mostly deal with things that modern fathers are going to be thinking about.
The bad:
Most of the subjects are left really open. This is not entirely bad. This feels almost like you have a parenting group that talked about all sorts of subjects but never really comes to a conclusion.
Chapter subjects:
Choosing a name for your child
if you already have your kid and have chosen a name this will not provide much extra information but it may make you think about what the name your gave your kid will mean for them. Did you use a classical name or a unique name.
Sex After Kids
This is more for husbands not so much fathers. It talks about how sex changes after child birth and how ways you might go about trying to renew your sex life when all the energy is spent taking care of this new life.
Yelling (how to stop yelling at your kids)
This basically boiled down to make a goal not to yell at your children and keep that goal going week after week till it becomes second nature.
Phone and Screen time
How much is to much. I don't think the book really got an answer for this. It did bring up the recommendations of the pediatric society.
Sharing books and media with racist or problematic content
The really big two suggestions we. 1) don't read those type of books there are many books out there that could be read with your children no need to read racist content. or 2) be ready to have open a frank conversations about what you are reading with your children so they learn from you.
Talking about pot
This kinda assumes that kids will gain access to pot and smoke it sometime in there life. This is about making sure if they do they will be responsible.
talking about porn
The chapter was interesting but I don't think if help out in any way.
Global Comparisons to Fatherhood
One of the more interesting chapters of the book. It compared what being a dad looks like in many parts of the world. From absent to really involved. It was interesting view.
April 23, 2022
This was interesting. Weeks have passed by the time I realized that I had bought an audiobook on parenting written for dads by dads. Books about parenting with tittles like this one always get me… I have read many parenting books but there are usually targeting mothers. This was definitely unknown territory for me, but since this is an audiobook I thought I should give it try. First of all, I was very surprised how entertaining it turned out to be, usually I am in pensive and edgy mood when I read parenting books. What I like the most is how-hands-on they were to put the theory on practice. For example, first episode was about not yelling to your kids, and sure enough they found who was going to put the practices of not yelling to work. They just cut to the chase and went into the practice, wow!; I was impressed, the parenting books I’ve read they talk and talk and towards the end they teach you something but mostly is a lot talk and not enough practices or examples. The types of subject discussed in here were interesting too, like one of them, was sex after birth, that would have been a totally different book, motherhood and marriage are two separate books. Another theme was about choosing the right name for the child, no wonder I found this audiobook relaxing, it got me thinking is this a really a issue? I surely didn’t know. Our parenting books focus on hands on necessities like eating, sleeping, meeting developmental milestones etc…The last episode compare fathers importance according to 3 different types of culture, the Japanese, Sweden and a small African tribe who are known to be the best fathers in the world. I liked seeing different ways of seeing fatherhood and it was my favorite. Overall I like it, it was different, I enjoyed listening to it and it felt more like a podcast than an audiobook. 4 ⭐️.
January 2, 2022
I wasn’t as much of a fan of this series as I was his other audio series about marriage & healthy relationships, however there is some good info to take in here!
Stephen goes on to talk about how these days, we’ve known for quite a while that hitting your kids is bad (obviously), but he goes into the psychological effects that yelling & other verbal abuse has on the child’s psyche. I mean, for me this certainly hit close to home, I grew up with both of those “techniques”, let’s say, being an integral part of discipline in my home, and I am strongly against both, having gone through it myself, I know what it does. Many people who have also gone through it will say it makes a person stronger, builds resilience and character, but I certainly think there’s a better way to go about building that in a young person.
I don’t have kids, though I would like to someday. This series is tailored more towards men as fathers, it’s an interesting perspective, as you don’t see men talking about these topics as much as women do. It’s an underrepresented but much needed perspective, and that alone did make it stand out. I do plan on revisiting this series in the future as it applies to me more!
Stephen goes on to talk about how these days, we’ve known for quite a while that hitting your kids is bad (obviously), but he goes into the psychological effects that yelling & other verbal abuse has on the child’s psyche. I mean, for me this certainly hit close to home, I grew up with both of those “techniques”, let’s say, being an integral part of discipline in my home, and I am strongly against both, having gone through it myself, I know what it does. Many people who have also gone through it will say it makes a person stronger, builds resilience and character, but I certainly think there’s a better way to go about building that in a young person.
I don’t have kids, though I would like to someday. This series is tailored more towards men as fathers, it’s an interesting perspective, as you don’t see men talking about these topics as much as women do. It’s an underrepresented but much needed perspective, and that alone did make it stand out. I do plan on revisiting this series in the future as it applies to me more!
March 21, 2020
This is less an audiobook than a series of podcasts. Marche narrates each episode around a question or theme and interviews experts and laypeople while adding his own experiences and commentary. I always enjoyed Marche's columns in Esquire so when I saw he had an audible book on being a father, I had to check it out. I was not disappointed. His signature humor and insight are intact. I have never read anything that tackles the questions and problems that this podcast addresses. From cell phones to the prevalence of legalized marijuana Marche tackles all kinds of problems modern parents are faced with. I also love his ultimate conclusion that there are no right answers to many of these questions and that the most important thing any father can do is be there for their children. I recommend this book to any father with an audible subscription that is not easily offended.
January 27, 2019
I find the topics interesting and a lot of the experts they bring in are quite good. Let me preface what I'm about to say by stating that I am a person who curses more than the average person and probably at times where it isn't appropriate to do so. In spite of this, I find Stephen Marche's use of swears in this audiobook forced and unnecessary. He'll being making a statement that he has put a lot of thought into and then instead of saying "this" he'll say "this shi*t". It's not offensive at all, it just detracts from the statement. I get that the title itself has a swear in it and maybe this is supposed to be a provocative book (spoiler: it isn't), I just think it makes him sound like a rube.
March 5, 2020
I found it reasonably entertaining, but its more the author's take on things than a real guide.
Somewhat contrary to the title, he really isn't too cavalier about anything.
There are some good points though and as a result I'm trying not to yell at my kids too much anymore.
Being Canadian, he worries that Asterix comic books are racist for using a caricature of an African man, when the entire book is full of caricatures of Caucasians.
Somewhat contrary to the title, he really isn't too cavalier about anything.
There are some good points though and as a result I'm trying not to yell at my kids too much anymore.
Being Canadian, he worries that Asterix comic books are racist for using a caricature of an African man, when the entire book is full of caricatures of Caucasians.
January 27, 2021
I loved this book, being a new dad.
This book talks about all the modern issues facing parents today, from technology usage, to drugs, to helicopter parenting, sex and a whole lot more.
Turns out you”ll probably make some mistakes along the way but it’s okay, as long as you own up to it, and keep the line of communication open with your kids all the times. Would recommend for any parents really.
This book talks about all the modern issues facing parents today, from technology usage, to drugs, to helicopter parenting, sex and a whole lot more.
Turns out you”ll probably make some mistakes along the way but it’s okay, as long as you own up to it, and keep the line of communication open with your kids all the times. Would recommend for any parents really.
August 9, 2019
I am not a father or parent, I am a caseworker working with young kids. I found this book very entertaining and fun to read. It’s full of interesting research and interviews from relevant professionals making it very educational. The topics are useful for anyone who is involved with kids. A great read!!!
June 20, 2020
Interesting, researched, very engaging, but not earth-shattering in its findings. A good listen for a commute or on a lazy afternoon, but not something I’d suggest eagerly searching out.
This audiobook does introduce modern, 21st century parenting, especially from a father’s perspective. This was refreshing and made it a much more genuine listen.
Worth the audible credit though.
This audiobook does introduce modern, 21st century parenting, especially from a father’s perspective. This was refreshing and made it a much more genuine listen.
Worth the audible credit though.
September 25, 2021
Read this at The same time as how not to f&ck up your marriage - review is the same nice grouping of the challenges of being a father in the modern era and point counterpoint approach to Negotiating those challenges
May 18, 2022
Good stories that are entertaining that will give the reader a wider perspective through the lens of experience of other parent's stories. However it is light on real research and evidence-based facts.
April 19, 2019
Interesting book about being a father. Covers interesting and explicit topics like yelling, sex, names, racism, lying, technology, porn, drugs... With explicit topics comes explicit language.
October 4, 2019
Funny, yet good, simple advice.
November 29, 2019
Stephen talked about some of the important parental issues in a fun way. Totally recommended!
June 2, 2020
Love it for being realistic.
August 16, 2020
It was a fun book and I liked a lot of the insights that came from different perspectives.
I wish I had this when my kids were younger as it would have been more fitting then.
I wish I had this when my kids were younger as it would have been more fitting then.
November 19, 2020
Informative, enjoyed getting an awareness of what other parents go through and thought patterns etc.
February 4, 2021
I misunderstood this audiobook - didn't realise it was a 'dads point of view' but I really enjoyed it.
Think it was still valid for mums to listen to.
Stephen was a great narrator
Think it was still valid for mums to listen to.
Stephen was a great narrator
April 11, 2021
Funny and immensely useful
March 8, 2023
Professionally done, with interviews and background music. Based on latest parenting psychology and evidenced based medicine.
November 16, 2025
Good intention but it’s very very very you know caucasoid centric. Some good Moments. It’d be good to get my 5 or so hours back too.
July 10, 2023
Straightforward, thought provoking, light hearted, the "show" is about modern issues in fatherhood. Doesn't really give any clear answers, but helps you think about these issues, consider how the modern world has evolved for children, and get a step closer to deciding what kind of father you want to be and how to deal with your inevitable f*ckups.
Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews