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464 pages, Hardcover
First published January 22, 2019
At first, Army was 99 percent sure, then 98 percent sure, and now he was down to 96 percent sure that he couldn't be the father. It was biologically impossible from what he understood about reproduction. He would have had to had had, have had to had had, sex.
If two people travelling in a straight line meet in a hospital room, is that a vertex or an intersection?
Felicia wanted him to press down on her and crush her face into stone so someone would come in and rescue her. Yet, contradictorily, she kept trying not to get hurt, kicking his zipper away from her ankle, where it was grating, trying to breathe under the weight of his body, he did not remove her underwear, or allow her to, she tried, but he slid it aside. And if not her mother, then the boy with the cow eyelashes from the small unrecognized island would intervene, the same half-muscle half-bone feeling of a turkey neck, in her hand, when she, because he had to be helped if she wanted him to kill her, but in her hand, now inside her, he only felt like a low hum, like a fluorescent light buzzing, despite the earnest thrusting of a snowman's carrot, the smell of his armpit and smoke and alcohol, his face buried in the pillow beside her face, was that his lip on her shoulder, was he dribbling, despite what she felt to be an earnest effort by a man ascending the mysterious and simple heights of male pleasure, already oblivious to her name and face, to whom she had died, despite this man so attentive to the pleasure her body offered him that he wouldn't care if a cat or his mother walked in, despite all that, she could only feel a low hum, the vibration of an automobile in park. Intervene.
The second time, if there was a second time and not a third or fourth, it was like Skinnyboy was angry with her. Only it wasn't Skinnyboy, it was Skinnierboy, was it, then it was Skinnyboy again, then laughter, and smoke and the muttering, all like the beginning of a headache between her legs. She didn't feel anyone dragging her jeans down to her knees. She woke up on a Ferris wheel. But even that she couldn't be sure of, how their faces kept changing, every time they swished hair out of their eyes, and she was awake, but not. How many pills – what pills – had she had? It was just Ecstasy, no? She wanted to be awake when he opened her centrefold. She wanted to set her face in a certain way. Why was he so skinny? The top of her head was counting against the door handle. How many sips was this? She felt like she was upside down. She decided that she was asleep. It was dark. There was no way.
