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How to Be Second Best
A hilarious and heart-warming debut that captures the dramas, delights and delirium of modern parenting. This is Marian Keyes meets Allison Pearson, with a dash of Caitlin Moran.
Going from one child to two is never all that easy for a family, but when Emma's husband simultaneously fathers a third child three doors up the street, things get very tricky, very fast.
No longer is it enough for Emma to be the best wife and mother - now she's trying to be the best ex-wife, and the best part-time parent to her ex's love child, and that's before she even thinks about adding a new bloke to the mix.
Set in an upwardly mobile, ultra-competitive suburb, this is a funny, biting, heartwarming modern comedy that looks at the roles we play, how we compete, and what happens when we dare to strive for second-best.
Going from one child to two is never all that easy for a family, but when Emma's husband simultaneously fathers a third child three doors up the street, things get very tricky, very fast.
No longer is it enough for Emma to be the best wife and mother - now she's trying to be the best ex-wife, and the best part-time parent to her ex's love child, and that's before she even thinks about adding a new bloke to the mix.
Set in an upwardly mobile, ultra-competitive suburb, this is a funny, biting, heartwarming modern comedy that looks at the roles we play, how we compete, and what happens when we dare to strive for second-best.
416 pages, ebook
First published January 1, 2019
131 people are currently reading
1703 people want to read
About the author
Jessica Dettmann
6 books140 followersJessica Dettmann is the author of two novels, a couple of short stories and many blog posts. She was born and raised in Sydney, Australia, and there she remains, disappointing her fourteen-year-old self who thought she would be living in the pensione in Florence from A Room With A View by now.
She is married and has two children and two cats. She does not enjoy walking on the beach with her dog because parking is very expensive at the beach and she does not have a dog.
Before she became a writer, she worked for a long time as a book editor. She is very lucky Instagram didn't exist back then or she would have been fired for timewasting. Now she is her own boss and she is on her last warning for timewasting on Instagram Stories.
She loves to hear from readers. Preferably readers of her books, but honestly she's not that fussy.
She is married and has two children and two cats. She does not enjoy walking on the beach with her dog because parking is very expensive at the beach and she does not have a dog.
Before she became a writer, she worked for a long time as a book editor. She is very lucky Instagram didn't exist back then or she would have been fired for timewasting. Now she is her own boss and she is on her last warning for timewasting on Instagram Stories.
She loves to hear from readers. Preferably readers of her books, but honestly she's not that fussy.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 269 reviews
January 28, 2021
Emma finds herself in the most bizarre situation. She has a son in school and a toddler. Her husband also has a toddler the same age – with the woman he left her to be with. Emma ends up at their beck and call, babysitting a LOT and even worse, taking her to ballet, swimming and French classes! Her family is trying to tell her to cut this out, and I wanted to shake sense into her as well. The new wife of course is almost perfect, running a Pilates studio with a zillion social media followers – you can see where the storyline is heading. What about Emma’s happiness, can she try and forge a life of her own and try to find some happiness, maybe she needs to let go and be less than perfect all the time.
Emma is an editor, and the author is an editor. I liked a peek behind the scenes in this regard. I enjoyed this a lot, with great narration by Michala Banas, the writing fast-paced and super witty. Recommended highly for a funny and lighthearted read.
Emma is an editor, and the author is an editor. I liked a peek behind the scenes in this regard. I enjoyed this a lot, with great narration by Michala Banas, the writing fast-paced and super witty. Recommended highly for a funny and lighthearted read.
February 25, 2019
Emma was shocked and devastated when her husband Troy admitted to fathering another child around the same time as their daughter Freya was born. When he left to live with Helen and daughter Lola, he left Emma as a single mother to Tim and Freya. But it was them moving three doors down from Emma, then having her look after Lola with her two while both Troy and Helen worked, that slowly ate at Emma’s confidence. She was being used – big time – and she didn’t realise it. She was in effect, a single mother of three children…
As Emma tried to be the best at everything she did – mother, ex-wife, step-mother, sister, daughter, editor – she concluded (with much prompting from her Dad and sister Laura) that this wasn’t the life she wanted. But could she change it? What would it take to make Emma take stock of her life?
How to be Second Best by Aussie author Jessica Dettmann is an intriguing, at times laugh out loud, heartwarming debut novel which I quite enjoyed. Set in Sydney in an exclusive suburb where being competitive was as natural as breathing, the author has created an amusing, dramatic story, with much angst and “drama queen” moments while showing the ups and downs of modern parenting. Recommended.
With thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for my digital ARC to read in exchange for an honest review.
As Emma tried to be the best at everything she did – mother, ex-wife, step-mother, sister, daughter, editor – she concluded (with much prompting from her Dad and sister Laura) that this wasn’t the life she wanted. But could she change it? What would it take to make Emma take stock of her life?
How to be Second Best by Aussie author Jessica Dettmann is an intriguing, at times laugh out loud, heartwarming debut novel which I quite enjoyed. Set in Sydney in an exclusive suburb where being competitive was as natural as breathing, the author has created an amusing, dramatic story, with much angst and “drama queen” moments while showing the ups and downs of modern parenting. Recommended.
With thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for my digital ARC to read in exchange for an honest review.
February 23, 2019
*www.onewomansbbr.wordpress.com
*www.facebook.com/onewomansbbr
**4.5 stars**
How To Be Second Best by Jessica Dettmann. (2019).
Emma has just given birth to her second child when she finds out her husband has also just fathered a newborn with another woman. Things get tricky fast when he leaves her for the woman and then they soon move in three doors down. It's a convenient but lopsided co-parenting arrangement with Emma doing most of the caring for her two as well as their half-sibling. Three years later and Emma is trying to be the best at everything that she does. She's the topic of some neighbourhood gossip and that's before she even thinks about dating a new man.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I read it while on holiday, and I would definitely recommend as a summer read (or anytime of year really haha). Emma was so relatable, even if she was in a bit of a strange relationship with her ex and his new wife. But hey, whatever works! Although a major plot point of this story is that it isn't really working for Emma and she is clearly being taken advantage of by her ex and his wife in caring for their daughter a lot along with the full time care of her own two kids...
I liked being along for the ride as Emma tried to work out the best way to deal with that, while also considering getting back in the dating game and changing/getting more involved in her career. It's an interesting journey for Emma as she realises that being the best at everything might not actually be the best thing for her. This book was well-written, witty and a clever concept; I'd call it a great debut novel for the author.
*www.facebook.com/onewomansbbr
**4.5 stars**
How To Be Second Best by Jessica Dettmann. (2019).
Emma has just given birth to her second child when she finds out her husband has also just fathered a newborn with another woman. Things get tricky fast when he leaves her for the woman and then they soon move in three doors down. It's a convenient but lopsided co-parenting arrangement with Emma doing most of the caring for her two as well as their half-sibling. Three years later and Emma is trying to be the best at everything that she does. She's the topic of some neighbourhood gossip and that's before she even thinks about dating a new man.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. I read it while on holiday, and I would definitely recommend as a summer read (or anytime of year really haha). Emma was so relatable, even if she was in a bit of a strange relationship with her ex and his new wife. But hey, whatever works! Although a major plot point of this story is that it isn't really working for Emma and she is clearly being taken advantage of by her ex and his wife in caring for their daughter a lot along with the full time care of her own two kids...
I liked being along for the ride as Emma tried to work out the best way to deal with that, while also considering getting back in the dating game and changing/getting more involved in her career. It's an interesting journey for Emma as she realises that being the best at everything might not actually be the best thing for her. This book was well-written, witty and a clever concept; I'd call it a great debut novel for the author.
January 31, 2019
4.5 stars
How to Be Second Best is a bubbly, delightful novel about Emma, a divorced mother of two, who also minds and looks after her ex-husband's and his new wife's toddler. Emma and her ex live in houses on the same street. Emma knows that she's taken advantage of, especially as she seems to mind her ex's toddler more than her own parents. Admittedly, Emma's young kids have a strong bond with their half-sister, Lola. Emma herself has grown very fond of the little girl.
Emma finally realises it's time to move on. Getting back on the horse has its challenges, as you'd expect. When you're a certain age, pretty much everyone has baggage.
I was somewhat relunctant to start this, as it was penned up as being "hilarious". Well, while I didn't laugh out loud, the story was breezy, but also relatable and realistic, without being over-the-top or cartoonish. I dig that a lot!
Finally, a lighter read that was engaging, relatable and amusing. I didn't roll my eyes once.
Congratulations to Jessica Dettmann on her accomplished debut novel.
NB: Great narration by Michala Banas.
This goes towards my Aussie Author Challenge on www. bookloverbookreviews.com
How to Be Second Best is a bubbly, delightful novel about Emma, a divorced mother of two, who also minds and looks after her ex-husband's and his new wife's toddler. Emma and her ex live in houses on the same street. Emma knows that she's taken advantage of, especially as she seems to mind her ex's toddler more than her own parents. Admittedly, Emma's young kids have a strong bond with their half-sister, Lola. Emma herself has grown very fond of the little girl.
Emma finally realises it's time to move on. Getting back on the horse has its challenges, as you'd expect. When you're a certain age, pretty much everyone has baggage.
I was somewhat relunctant to start this, as it was penned up as being "hilarious". Well, while I didn't laugh out loud, the story was breezy, but also relatable and realistic, without being over-the-top or cartoonish. I dig that a lot!
Finally, a lighter read that was engaging, relatable and amusing. I didn't roll my eyes once.
Congratulations to Jessica Dettmann on her accomplished debut novel.
NB: Great narration by Michala Banas.
This goes towards my Aussie Author Challenge on www. bookloverbookreviews.com
January 3, 2019
I haven’t read a decent chick lit for a while but I’ve kick started the year with this excellent little debut novel by Aussie Jessica Dettmann.
The book is written in the first person point of view of Emma, a recently divorced mother of two. For the man-did-her-wrong plot, Emma’s ex, Troy, has a daughter the same age as his and Emma’s with his new wife, the Insta-glamorous Pilates instructor, Helen. To add to the tangled web, Emma not only lives in the same street as Helen and Troy but, as she juggles her work as a book editor already around her kids' schedules, she also provides free childcare for their daughter, allowing them to return to work.
The book follows Emma’s realisation that she and Troy are not getting back together and by being so accommodating with this unconventional childcare arrangement, she is subconsciously trying to be a better mother/wife than Helen. She decides she needs to learn to be second best.
Along the way Emma inadvertently gets into all kinds of hilarious trouble, usually in the most ordinary of places such as family birthday parties/barbeques, parent/teacher nights, public swimming pools and school camping trips. Importantly for the romantics amongst us, she also has time to squeeze in meeting two handsome potential new boyfriends.
Yes, the book is romantic but mostly it’s funny. Dettmann’s observations on parenthood especially made me laugh out loud several times. If you’ve had children and had anything to do with other parents in your local community, you’ll definitely appreciate every single scene.
The humour was very Australian. I hope readers from other countries understand all the jokes. (I must admit the time I laughed the most was when Emma’s father took the kids to Bunnings to buy some timber and a sausage whilst she dealt with a crisis.)
I loved Emma. She’s a great character, mature despite the way she keeps landing herself in strife, and so so funny. I really enjoyed cheering her on and crossing my fingers that she reached her happy ending.
All the supporting characters were well-written. Troy and Helen were often selfish idiots but never the complete villains. Emma’s dad and sister were great; as were both of the new men in Emma’s life. (I admit to preferring one of the men over the other but I think that was the idea.)
This is where I usually say, ‘the one thing that annoyed me was...’ but I can’t actually think of one gripe I had with this book. In fact, Dettmann and I are both hitting the ground running with this 5 out of 5.
The book is written in the first person point of view of Emma, a recently divorced mother of two. For the man-did-her-wrong plot, Emma’s ex, Troy, has a daughter the same age as his and Emma’s with his new wife, the Insta-glamorous Pilates instructor, Helen. To add to the tangled web, Emma not only lives in the same street as Helen and Troy but, as she juggles her work as a book editor already around her kids' schedules, she also provides free childcare for their daughter, allowing them to return to work.
The book follows Emma’s realisation that she and Troy are not getting back together and by being so accommodating with this unconventional childcare arrangement, she is subconsciously trying to be a better mother/wife than Helen. She decides she needs to learn to be second best.
Along the way Emma inadvertently gets into all kinds of hilarious trouble, usually in the most ordinary of places such as family birthday parties/barbeques, parent/teacher nights, public swimming pools and school camping trips. Importantly for the romantics amongst us, she also has time to squeeze in meeting two handsome potential new boyfriends.
Yes, the book is romantic but mostly it’s funny. Dettmann’s observations on parenthood especially made me laugh out loud several times. If you’ve had children and had anything to do with other parents in your local community, you’ll definitely appreciate every single scene.
The humour was very Australian. I hope readers from other countries understand all the jokes. (I must admit the time I laughed the most was when Emma’s father took the kids to Bunnings to buy some timber and a sausage whilst she dealt with a crisis.)
I loved Emma. She’s a great character, mature despite the way she keeps landing herself in strife, and so so funny. I really enjoyed cheering her on and crossing my fingers that she reached her happy ending.
All the supporting characters were well-written. Troy and Helen were often selfish idiots but never the complete villains. Emma’s dad and sister were great; as were both of the new men in Emma’s life. (I admit to preferring one of the men over the other but I think that was the idea.)
This is where I usually say, ‘the one thing that annoyed me was...’ but I can’t actually think of one gripe I had with this book. In fact, Dettmann and I are both hitting the ground running with this 5 out of 5.
November 27, 2019
*https://mrsbbookreviews.wordpress.com
4.5 stars
Jessica Dettman is a debut author with a fresh and nuanced signature style. Coming from a background as a senior editor for two major Australian publishing houses has put Dettman in good standing to produce her first full length novel. How to Be Second Best is a commercial women’s fiction title, with domestic noir elements and comedic timing that extends on Dettman’s popular blog, Life With Gusto.
Described a ‘hilarious’ and ‘heartwarming’, How to Be Second Best provides an insider’s view on the triumphs and tragedies of modern parenthood. Situated in the here and now, it is a humorous and scathing insight into one woman’s world, which is turned upside down when her husband announces he has a child with another woman – that is the same age as their youngest. This is a highly complicated and emotional situation for all parties involved. Emma’s husband Troy decides he must support his new family and he leaves Emma, their newborn and young son Tim for his pilates instructor girlfriend. What emerges is a strange parenting arrangement whereby Emma does the majority of the child minding. How to Be Second Best tracks Emma’s life three years after the pivotal revelation that Troy has another family to support. Emma is a breaking point, and after years of being taken advantage of, she decides to take matters into her own hands.The plan backfires – with interesting results!
As a cover lover, the visual presentation of this book via the front cover won me over. The image of an imperfect sweet cake with one piece cut out grabbed my attention. There is plenty that this cover can signify. It reminds us that relationships and life aren’t always sweet. Life and cakes can be imperfect. Sometimes, we have so many fingers in our pie/cake, that it is impossible to be the very best at everything. In today’s busy society, many of us strive to be the perfect parent, wife, friend, employee and woman. The expectations we have of ourselves is quite ridiculous! It is no wonder many of us eventually buckle under the pressure. Emma does in quite speculator fashion in How to Be Second Best.
It is best to begin this review with a response to Emma, as she is the central character of this compelling and affectionate tale. Emma – I felt so, so sorry for her from the very beginning of the novel. When she discovered the devastating news that her husband has another family and he was choosing them over her, my heart sank for poor Emma. But Emma rises above it all and manages to succeed in her role as a nurturing co-parent. Rather than rejecting the half sibling of her own children, Emma respectfully embraces the child as one of her own. I found this completely admirable. I had the cheer squad out for Emma. I hoped that she would find satisfaction in her life, love and career. But, I did get frustrated by Emma’s willingness to accept all the things Troy and Helen said to her. They also treated her appallingly. I wanted to shake her and say, this is not okay! Emma did get under my skin in this sense, but I do feel this is always a sign of good characterisation skills. If an author can get you to care so deeply about the mistreatment of their characters, they have won you over!
Dettman’s solid characterisation extends to all the protagonists featured in her debut. Troy was a piece of work and I disliked him immensely. I badly wanted karma to bite him back (which it does). Helen, his new love, was truly awful and Dettman does an excellent job of bringing this domestic villain to life, warts and all! The children in this novel are presented with plenty of realism – it is obvious that Dettman is a parent herself. The love interests of this novel add plenty to the unfolding tale and I liked Emma’s tussle of emotions involving these two men. Rounding off the novel nicely is Emma’s family. Emma’s sister was a great force to be reckoned with. Hints at the loss of Emma’s mother provides some background and understanding to how Emma deals with issues in her life. I can understand completely the need to stick to routine and remain complacent about the natural order of things, even though it seemed like Emma was being taken advantage of – big time! I also loved the insightful touches in to the world of editing and publishing, thanks to Emma’s career. The characters that are drawn from Emma’s professional life are incredibly authentic, obviously inspired heavily by Dettman’s years of experience as an editor in the publishing world. It was great to see the process of getting a book to its finished product, thanks to Emma’s escapades!
Emma’s situation provides an excellent social commentary on modern parenting, motherhood and life as a woman in today’s high pressured world. The underlying message, that it is okay to only give half, not all of yourself to everyone and everything, was a good one to take on board. Emma’s experiences give brevity and reassurance to many mothers and women out there who are struggling to gain the upper hand. How to Be Second Best for me personally was more a life affirming read than a comedy. Sure there were funny moments, but on the whole, the subliminal messages I got from Emma’s story was far more significant than the comedic moments.
A lesson on learning to stop, to breathe and to ensure that you don’t put the world’s responsibilities on your single shoulders defines this introspective glimpse at present day parenting, relationships and life in general. I was happy to hear that while pitching this novel to her publisher, Dettman has another in book in the works. I am looking forward to another Jessica Dettman book with eager eyes. How to Be Second Best comes with a big seal of approval from this reader.
*Thanks extended to Harper Collins Books Australia for providing a free copy of this book for review purposes.
How to Be Second Best is book #17 of the 2019 Australian Women Writers Challenge
4.5 stars
Jessica Dettman is a debut author with a fresh and nuanced signature style. Coming from a background as a senior editor for two major Australian publishing houses has put Dettman in good standing to produce her first full length novel. How to Be Second Best is a commercial women’s fiction title, with domestic noir elements and comedic timing that extends on Dettman’s popular blog, Life With Gusto.
Described a ‘hilarious’ and ‘heartwarming’, How to Be Second Best provides an insider’s view on the triumphs and tragedies of modern parenthood. Situated in the here and now, it is a humorous and scathing insight into one woman’s world, which is turned upside down when her husband announces he has a child with another woman – that is the same age as their youngest. This is a highly complicated and emotional situation for all parties involved. Emma’s husband Troy decides he must support his new family and he leaves Emma, their newborn and young son Tim for his pilates instructor girlfriend. What emerges is a strange parenting arrangement whereby Emma does the majority of the child minding. How to Be Second Best tracks Emma’s life three years after the pivotal revelation that Troy has another family to support. Emma is a breaking point, and after years of being taken advantage of, she decides to take matters into her own hands.The plan backfires – with interesting results!
As a cover lover, the visual presentation of this book via the front cover won me over. The image of an imperfect sweet cake with one piece cut out grabbed my attention. There is plenty that this cover can signify. It reminds us that relationships and life aren’t always sweet. Life and cakes can be imperfect. Sometimes, we have so many fingers in our pie/cake, that it is impossible to be the very best at everything. In today’s busy society, many of us strive to be the perfect parent, wife, friend, employee and woman. The expectations we have of ourselves is quite ridiculous! It is no wonder many of us eventually buckle under the pressure. Emma does in quite speculator fashion in How to Be Second Best.
It is best to begin this review with a response to Emma, as she is the central character of this compelling and affectionate tale. Emma – I felt so, so sorry for her from the very beginning of the novel. When she discovered the devastating news that her husband has another family and he was choosing them over her, my heart sank for poor Emma. But Emma rises above it all and manages to succeed in her role as a nurturing co-parent. Rather than rejecting the half sibling of her own children, Emma respectfully embraces the child as one of her own. I found this completely admirable. I had the cheer squad out for Emma. I hoped that she would find satisfaction in her life, love and career. But, I did get frustrated by Emma’s willingness to accept all the things Troy and Helen said to her. They also treated her appallingly. I wanted to shake her and say, this is not okay! Emma did get under my skin in this sense, but I do feel this is always a sign of good characterisation skills. If an author can get you to care so deeply about the mistreatment of their characters, they have won you over!
Dettman’s solid characterisation extends to all the protagonists featured in her debut. Troy was a piece of work and I disliked him immensely. I badly wanted karma to bite him back (which it does). Helen, his new love, was truly awful and Dettman does an excellent job of bringing this domestic villain to life, warts and all! The children in this novel are presented with plenty of realism – it is obvious that Dettman is a parent herself. The love interests of this novel add plenty to the unfolding tale and I liked Emma’s tussle of emotions involving these two men. Rounding off the novel nicely is Emma’s family. Emma’s sister was a great force to be reckoned with. Hints at the loss of Emma’s mother provides some background and understanding to how Emma deals with issues in her life. I can understand completely the need to stick to routine and remain complacent about the natural order of things, even though it seemed like Emma was being taken advantage of – big time! I also loved the insightful touches in to the world of editing and publishing, thanks to Emma’s career. The characters that are drawn from Emma’s professional life are incredibly authentic, obviously inspired heavily by Dettman’s years of experience as an editor in the publishing world. It was great to see the process of getting a book to its finished product, thanks to Emma’s escapades!
Emma’s situation provides an excellent social commentary on modern parenting, motherhood and life as a woman in today’s high pressured world. The underlying message, that it is okay to only give half, not all of yourself to everyone and everything, was a good one to take on board. Emma’s experiences give brevity and reassurance to many mothers and women out there who are struggling to gain the upper hand. How to Be Second Best for me personally was more a life affirming read than a comedy. Sure there were funny moments, but on the whole, the subliminal messages I got from Emma’s story was far more significant than the comedic moments.
A lesson on learning to stop, to breathe and to ensure that you don’t put the world’s responsibilities on your single shoulders defines this introspective glimpse at present day parenting, relationships and life in general. I was happy to hear that while pitching this novel to her publisher, Dettman has another in book in the works. I am looking forward to another Jessica Dettman book with eager eyes. How to Be Second Best comes with a big seal of approval from this reader.
*Thanks extended to Harper Collins Books Australia for providing a free copy of this book for review purposes.
How to Be Second Best is book #17 of the 2019 Australian Women Writers Challenge
November 17, 2021
“I should have a slogan: Emma Baker - she's what happens when you're busy making other plans.”
How to be Second Best is a novel with an endearing main protagonist, a Bridget Jonesie feel (based on the movies - I haven't read the books yet), and some fine, fine writing.
Emma is a thirty something editor working from home to enable her to look after her school-aged son, kindy-aged daughter - and the daughter that her husband fathered with his pilate’s teacher. Mm. So, that is the setup. Emma can be snippy, but she's also a pushover. In some respects, I get it. How far do you go to make things okay for your kids? It’s murky sometimes. Especially if you’re suffering because your husband lied to you and your marriage blew up. Things can get a bit confusing.
To soften the blow of the serious and painful sounding plot, the book was funny. Not always side-splitting, but in a way that kept me buoyant throughout. Then again, Troy’s birthday party - a scene fuelled by alcohol, bitterness and confusion - was as funny as it was wrong. And it was fairly wrong. It was at that point that I decided they must make the book into a film. I would also read a follow up novel to find out what happens to Emma after this.
There were a bunch of wonderful secondary characters for me to like…and hate. Emma’s father and sister were supportive, blunt and kept a dash of annoying about them which kept things interesting, and the kids were sweet. On the antagonists side there was the ex-husband, Troy, and his new wife, Helen, and another who I won’t name. Dettmann really did a marvellous on the characters.
You know, Emma’s mistakes ranged from ‘teeny-tiny’ to ‘quite the doozy’ and it would have been easy to get fed up with her but I never did. She remained likable on her journey to find direction and security and I won’t tell you how it ends but I will say it was heartwarming. I was a happy reader.
This may not go on my all-time favourites list, but I’m giving it five stars because it was so good and I truly have no complaints. Not a one.
I will look out for more by Dettmann.
January 14, 2019
How To Be Second Best by Jessica Dettman - what a great book. It had me laughing, wanting to cry and relating to scenarios that the characters got themselves into. I love a good light hearted read - even better when it is written by an Aussie. It was a fun book, with characters that felt real . Really enjoyed reading this one.
Emma's family is complicated. She has 2 children with her ex-husband Troy. He is now married to the glamourous pilates instructor Helen, with who he also has a child - born at the same time as his and Emma's second child. And Troy and Helen live 3 doors down. Helen and Troy have taken advantage of Emma for the last 3 years, receiving free babysitting for their daughter because Emma wants to kids to be close (as they are half siblings) But Emma has let her life slip past her and things are starting to change. This is a great story of family, friendships, love and moving on. Things are not always easy for Emma, but she never gives up.
Thanks to Harper Collins AU and Netgalley for my copy of this book to read. All opinions are my own and are in no way biased.
Emma's family is complicated. She has 2 children with her ex-husband Troy. He is now married to the glamourous pilates instructor Helen, with who he also has a child - born at the same time as his and Emma's second child. And Troy and Helen live 3 doors down. Helen and Troy have taken advantage of Emma for the last 3 years, receiving free babysitting for their daughter because Emma wants to kids to be close (as they are half siblings) But Emma has let her life slip past her and things are starting to change. This is a great story of family, friendships, love and moving on. Things are not always easy for Emma, but she never gives up.
Thanks to Harper Collins AU and Netgalley for my copy of this book to read. All opinions are my own and are in no way biased.
January 24, 2019
How To be Second Best is the debut novel from former editor and now author, Aussie Jessica Dettman. Using her editorial skills and her experiences as a mother of two, Dettman has written a witty story that cleverly examines the different types of parenting. Set in the fictional suburb of Shorewood in Sydney, How To be Second Best is told in the first person from Emma, a single mother. Emma chronicles her ordinary, everyday existence that we can all relate to with all it's good times and hard in most unusual circumstances...caring for her ex husband's wife's daughter!
Emma is a family woman. She is a mother to two young children, Freya and Tim, and the ex-wife of Troy. Emma has a close relationship with both her father and sister, Lauren, after the death of her mother. Emma's relationship with her father was gentle and supportive and I enjoyed the conversations between the sisters. Lauren's bluntness was hilarious, leaving me with a smile on my face. Emma may not be as funny as her sister but she had a big heart and selfless nature.
Emmals big heart allowed her to love and care for not only her own children but also Lola, from Troy's second marriage to Helen. From taking Lola to her after school activities to Lola sleeping over, Emma would go to the ends of the earth for this little girl that I thought she saw as her own. For Emma, it's of upmost importance that the three children know each other and as a result of her intervention, the siblings have a beautiful relationship. Helen and Troy though, take advantage of Emma's generous nature.
There were many times when my jaw dropped in disbelief at the way they spoke to Emma, trying to make her feel insignificant with the importance of their professional lives as Troy is a successful business man while Helen's online presence is expanding. They both left me feeling that Lola came second because they relied so heavily on Emma to look after their only daughter. There were a few pointed, yet unsurprising, moments when Lola turned to Emma instead of her own mother. Emma herself isn't a stay at home but a freelance editor who works at home while caring for the children. I respected Emma because she worked around the children, ensuring they came first. Unfortunately, this meant that Emma still relied on Troy for financial assistance. It was a great moment when Emma made some much needed changes financially.
Emma doesn't live with her head in the sand and acknowledges that Troy and Helen use her as a doormat. It was just a matter of when Emma showed some backbone and when she did, it started out small. So small that no one but Emma noticed! From here though, Emma's courage and confidence grew. When Emma does finally tell it like it is, it's at a most unexpected time, allowing for another funny moment. But boy, it needed to be done at some point!
With Emma working and caring for three little rugrats, there is not a lot of time for romance. When love appears, Emma is conflicted between two men; Adam and Phillip. Adam has his own son, Bon, the same age as Tim. Things aren't as they appear and Emma knows that something is not quite right with a wife in the wings. Phillip, a man without children, works for a writer that Emma is waiting to finish a book. Who is Mr Right?
With themes of family, motherhood and relationships, How To Be Second Best is about realising that you don't have to be on the ball every minute of the day. Sometimes it's good to take a step back and be second best.
#AWWC4#
Emma is a family woman. She is a mother to two young children, Freya and Tim, and the ex-wife of Troy. Emma has a close relationship with both her father and sister, Lauren, after the death of her mother. Emma's relationship with her father was gentle and supportive and I enjoyed the conversations between the sisters. Lauren's bluntness was hilarious, leaving me with a smile on my face. Emma may not be as funny as her sister but she had a big heart and selfless nature.
Emmals big heart allowed her to love and care for not only her own children but also Lola, from Troy's second marriage to Helen. From taking Lola to her after school activities to Lola sleeping over, Emma would go to the ends of the earth for this little girl that I thought she saw as her own. For Emma, it's of upmost importance that the three children know each other and as a result of her intervention, the siblings have a beautiful relationship. Helen and Troy though, take advantage of Emma's generous nature.
There were many times when my jaw dropped in disbelief at the way they spoke to Emma, trying to make her feel insignificant with the importance of their professional lives as Troy is a successful business man while Helen's online presence is expanding. They both left me feeling that Lola came second because they relied so heavily on Emma to look after their only daughter. There were a few pointed, yet unsurprising, moments when Lola turned to Emma instead of her own mother. Emma herself isn't a stay at home but a freelance editor who works at home while caring for the children. I respected Emma because she worked around the children, ensuring they came first. Unfortunately, this meant that Emma still relied on Troy for financial assistance. It was a great moment when Emma made some much needed changes financially.
Emma doesn't live with her head in the sand and acknowledges that Troy and Helen use her as a doormat. It was just a matter of when Emma showed some backbone and when she did, it started out small. So small that no one but Emma noticed! From here though, Emma's courage and confidence grew. When Emma does finally tell it like it is, it's at a most unexpected time, allowing for another funny moment. But boy, it needed to be done at some point!
With Emma working and caring for three little rugrats, there is not a lot of time for romance. When love appears, Emma is conflicted between two men; Adam and Phillip. Adam has his own son, Bon, the same age as Tim. Things aren't as they appear and Emma knows that something is not quite right with a wife in the wings. Phillip, a man without children, works for a writer that Emma is waiting to finish a book. Who is Mr Right?
With themes of family, motherhood and relationships, How To Be Second Best is about realising that you don't have to be on the ball every minute of the day. Sometimes it's good to take a step back and be second best.
#AWWC4#
October 6, 2025
4.5 stars. So happy to have a new fave Aussie adult contemporary author to (excitedly/impatiently) follow. Dettmann's debut How to Be Second Best is my kind of read. Smiley and fun ~wickedly funny in parts ~ with characters I genuinely cared for. Emma may frustrate some readers as she goes through her learning curve, but I loved her and her emotional journey. A lot of happiness and heart in this read ~ a reading highlight of 2019 for me.
November 15, 2020
I really wanted to like this first novel by Jessica Dettmann more than I did. There were lots of interesting things happening on and off, especially in that single mum Emma, whose ex lives a few doors away from her with his new daughter and his new wife. This daughter also happens to be the very same age as Emma's daughter. Her son is a couple of years older, but Emma ends up looking after her two children and their half sister most of the time as well.
There were good themes, and taking place in Ms Dettmann's (and my) home city of Sydney, I kept waiting for the story to warm. It was slowly getting better for me until the end, where Emma virtually deserts her children to spend time with her ex, after she had already been away for work for five days in Queensland. This lost my support for Emma. What had been Emma's great parenting and coping skills in my eyes, vanished.
Maybe next time Ms Dettmann will be more spot on, I'd try her again.
There were good themes, and taking place in Ms Dettmann's (and my) home city of Sydney, I kept waiting for the story to warm. It was slowly getting better for me until the end, where Emma virtually deserts her children to spend time with her ex, after she had already been away for work for five days in Queensland. This lost my support for Emma. What had been Emma's great parenting and coping skills in my eyes, vanished.
Maybe next time Ms Dettmann will be more spot on, I'd try her again.
September 12, 2018
I got an advance copy of this book and DEVOURED it (which I would also do to the cake on the cover if anyone's baking). If you're a reader of Jess Dettmann's blog, Life With Gusto, then you will already know she's super funny. The novel showcases that really well, but also looks at 21st-century family weirdness and the challenges of parenting with an ex and the pressure on mums to get EVERYTHING right in an authentic and moving way. I highly recommend How to Be Second Best, especially if you choose to read it when actually you're supposed to be making a week's worth of school lunches to freeze.
December 18, 2018
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
How to be Second Best was a wonderful and hilarious read about how a woman named Emma navigates her new mess-of-a-life when her husband leaves her for another women. The book goes through Emma's transformative stages of being walked on like a doormat to her eventual understanding of sticking up for one's self.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and laughed out loud several times. Emma's insight to things like parenting were spot on and I related so much to it. The author's writing is fantastic and the book is well paced. I didn't want to put the book down! I would absolutely recommend this to a fellow Mom-friend.
How to be Second Best was a wonderful and hilarious read about how a woman named Emma navigates her new mess-of-a-life when her husband leaves her for another women. The book goes through Emma's transformative stages of being walked on like a doormat to her eventual understanding of sticking up for one's self.
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and laughed out loud several times. Emma's insight to things like parenting were spot on and I related so much to it. The author's writing is fantastic and the book is well paced. I didn't want to put the book down! I would absolutely recommend this to a fellow Mom-friend.
October 5, 2018
Those who have read the blog, Life With Gusto, can expect more of Dettmann’s hilarious insights into the realities of life with small children, and new readers are in for a treat. Touching and superbly written, How to be Second Best is compelling and riotously funny. No one has ever written a better account of what it’s like to get a child in and out of a swimming costume in a change room. Killed me. Smashing first novel. Can’t wait to read what she does next.
January 10, 2019
I don’t read a whole lot of comedy. I can mainly attribute this to the ‘chick-lit’ wave, a term that I particularly hate and a sub-genre that seems particularly saturated with un-funny, over the top antics by women whose main goals always seems to be romance oriented. So I tend to approach comedy with caution. How to be Second Best by Jessica Dettmann is not un-funny at all, in fact, it’s incredibly enjoyable. I actually really loved it. Emma’s character might not suit every reader, because she is very much a doormat, and a very well used one at that. But while there was certainly an element of exaggeration at play here with regards to Emma, this really worked for me. It wouldn’t have been quite as funny if Emma were just a run of the mill doormat, and without the humour, the point of the story might not have translated with as much impact.
‘It’s agony. This is why people say yes to things because it is against the laws of society and possibly even nature to cause this level of awkwardness.’
See, the thing is, I kind of ‘get’ Emma and where she was coming from. I’ve been a bit of a doormat myself over the years and it’s only since entering my forties that I’m trying my hardest to shrug those tendencies off. I could see, with utter clarity, exactly how Emma had ended up in the situation she was in. And I could empathise with her reluctance to extricate herself, even though she really needed to do so. And wow, her ex-husband! What a jerk! Jessica did well with crafting him. His idiocy made for some very funny moments indeed. I pretty much laughed out loud constantly with this novel, such is the way Jessica Dettmann has with words. She’s a terrific writer of sarcasm and wit. Very funny indeed and her sense of humour seems very in tune with mine. But she’s not only all about the laughs. In amongst the humour, Emma holds her own as a woman any one of us could know or even be. I liked Emma, despite her tendency to let people use her. She was a great person, incredibly kind with a lot of love to give. Much of who Emma was seemed tied up in the loss of her mother, that feeling of not knowing if you’re mothering right because your own mother is no longer around to check in with. I felt this added a gravity to Emma’s story that balanced well against all of the humour. Also, just because I don’t want to overlook it, I really enjoyed Emma’s job as a freelance editor and reading about the publishing world from that perspective. Jessica’s own knowledge of the publishing industry was clearly coming into play here and I appreciated the insight.
‘This is the feeling you get when someone figures out who you are, when they see through who you’ve been desperately trying to present yourself as. I’ve been trying to show him unflappable Emma, tough Emma. Emma, the awesome single mum. In-charge-but-not-bossy Emma. Everybody-loves-Emma Emma. The Emma I was, all those years ago.’
The title of the novel really is a great one, linking in with the whole point of the story (for want of a better phrase). It’s not about being second best in a negative way, like you’re not as good as someone else. It’s more about not overwhelming yourself with trying to always be the best to the point where you burst apart at the seems. It’s about scaling back, just a little, and settling for the second best of your own efforts. At least sometimes. Because there are always times when near enough is good enough. I think that’s an incredibly insightful point to a story, to be honest, particularly today where so many of us are so busy yet still insisting on putting ourselves under the microscope, competing with ourselves, each other, and even people we don’t know. How to be Second Best is a lesson in taking a breath and slowing down, focusing inward instead of outward. It’s a terrific novel and I recommend it highly.
‘Stop trying to be the best and do your best at everything. I know Mum always told you and Laura that it’s important to do your best, but I’ve always thought doing your best all the time is a bit of a tiring proposition. Maybe try doing your second best for a bit.’
Thanks is extended to HarperCollins Publishers Australia for providing me with a copy of How to be Second Best for review.
‘It’s agony. This is why people say yes to things because it is against the laws of society and possibly even nature to cause this level of awkwardness.’
See, the thing is, I kind of ‘get’ Emma and where she was coming from. I’ve been a bit of a doormat myself over the years and it’s only since entering my forties that I’m trying my hardest to shrug those tendencies off. I could see, with utter clarity, exactly how Emma had ended up in the situation she was in. And I could empathise with her reluctance to extricate herself, even though she really needed to do so. And wow, her ex-husband! What a jerk! Jessica did well with crafting him. His idiocy made for some very funny moments indeed. I pretty much laughed out loud constantly with this novel, such is the way Jessica Dettmann has with words. She’s a terrific writer of sarcasm and wit. Very funny indeed and her sense of humour seems very in tune with mine. But she’s not only all about the laughs. In amongst the humour, Emma holds her own as a woman any one of us could know or even be. I liked Emma, despite her tendency to let people use her. She was a great person, incredibly kind with a lot of love to give. Much of who Emma was seemed tied up in the loss of her mother, that feeling of not knowing if you’re mothering right because your own mother is no longer around to check in with. I felt this added a gravity to Emma’s story that balanced well against all of the humour. Also, just because I don’t want to overlook it, I really enjoyed Emma’s job as a freelance editor and reading about the publishing world from that perspective. Jessica’s own knowledge of the publishing industry was clearly coming into play here and I appreciated the insight.
‘This is the feeling you get when someone figures out who you are, when they see through who you’ve been desperately trying to present yourself as. I’ve been trying to show him unflappable Emma, tough Emma. Emma, the awesome single mum. In-charge-but-not-bossy Emma. Everybody-loves-Emma Emma. The Emma I was, all those years ago.’
The title of the novel really is a great one, linking in with the whole point of the story (for want of a better phrase). It’s not about being second best in a negative way, like you’re not as good as someone else. It’s more about not overwhelming yourself with trying to always be the best to the point where you burst apart at the seems. It’s about scaling back, just a little, and settling for the second best of your own efforts. At least sometimes. Because there are always times when near enough is good enough. I think that’s an incredibly insightful point to a story, to be honest, particularly today where so many of us are so busy yet still insisting on putting ourselves under the microscope, competing with ourselves, each other, and even people we don’t know. How to be Second Best is a lesson in taking a breath and slowing down, focusing inward instead of outward. It’s a terrific novel and I recommend it highly.
‘Stop trying to be the best and do your best at everything. I know Mum always told you and Laura that it’s important to do your best, but I’ve always thought doing your best all the time is a bit of a tiring proposition. Maybe try doing your second best for a bit.’
Thanks is extended to HarperCollins Publishers Australia for providing me with a copy of How to be Second Best for review.
April 8, 2021
This is my second time around with Emma, Troy and Helen and I have to say I loved it even more. It’s so witty and clever and haven’t we tried to be ‘unflappable Emma, tough Emma..in charge but not bossy Emma...’loved Emma, Tim, Freya and Laura. I feel like I know Troy and Helen. This is such a charming book, rat in the tent notwithstanding ❤️
January 1, 2021
A lighthearted romantic comedy that highlights the ups and downs of modern parenthood.
HOW TO BE SECOND BEST by Jessica Dettmann examines what happens when Emma decides to be second best for a change.
She has been so busy trying to be the best at everything ever since her husband left her to start a family with another woman that she hasn’t realised just how much of a pushover she has become. By taking a step back from the competitiveness of modern parenting Emma’s life begins to fall into place, including in the romance department!
HOW TO BE SECOND BEST is a great beach read. Dettmann has hilariously captured the craziness and competitiveness of modern suburban parenthood, which is often made more difficult with mixed families. I particularly enjoyed the swimming pool scene!
The characters were incredibly well-written and I love the concept of teaching yourself how to be second best in a world where everything seems to be a competition.
5 stars!
https://scatterbooker.wordpress.com/2...
HOW TO BE SECOND BEST by Jessica Dettmann examines what happens when Emma decides to be second best for a change.
She has been so busy trying to be the best at everything ever since her husband left her to start a family with another woman that she hasn’t realised just how much of a pushover she has become. By taking a step back from the competitiveness of modern parenting Emma’s life begins to fall into place, including in the romance department!
HOW TO BE SECOND BEST is a great beach read. Dettmann has hilariously captured the craziness and competitiveness of modern suburban parenthood, which is often made more difficult with mixed families. I particularly enjoyed the swimming pool scene!
The characters were incredibly well-written and I love the concept of teaching yourself how to be second best in a world where everything seems to be a competition.
5 stars!
https://scatterbooker.wordpress.com/2...
February 3, 2019
Super quick, fun read. I laughed out loud often while reading about Emma’s romantic escapades and her accurate depictions of motherhood.
This was a coming-of-age type story, except Emma is rediscovering herself in part two of her life, post-divorce. In addition to coping with her divorce and single motherhood, she’s caring for her ex-husband’s love child and is a total and complete pushover.
Dettman was able to frame her characters in such a way that you liked them despite their faults. Emma herself is very flawed but she’s lovable nonetheless.
Thanks to Netgalley for the advanced copy. I will definitely check out this author in the future!
This was a coming-of-age type story, except Emma is rediscovering herself in part two of her life, post-divorce. In addition to coping with her divorce and single motherhood, she’s caring for her ex-husband’s love child and is a total and complete pushover.
Dettman was able to frame her characters in such a way that you liked them despite their faults. Emma herself is very flawed but she’s lovable nonetheless.
Thanks to Netgalley for the advanced copy. I will definitely check out this author in the future!
September 12, 2018
This is such a fantastic read. Funny AND compelling, I smashed it over two nights and now can't stop thinking about it! The insights on love and compromise are spot on, but it is the way they are articulated that is most refreshing - the obvservational sense of humour is uniquely wry, the turn of phrase beautifully playful. Smashing combination for a first go fiction.
January 29, 2019
There must be something wrong with me because Ive never found a book that’s advertised as funny, to be funny. This book was described as hilarious but as usual I barely raised a smile and as for the main character, I can only describe her as pathetic. Two stars was a bit generous but I didn’t hate it and it was easy to read.
May 20, 2019
Big fat nope.
Read
October 15, 2020Quite possibly the funniest book I've read all year! Every mother will relate (and chuckle) over this one.
December 29, 2023
In the last fortnight I’ve devoured two of Jessica Dettmann’s books, after seeing a post by my agent and friend Danielle Binks, singing Jessica’s praises.
The first book I read was “This Has Been Absolutely Lovely” – about the Jones family coming together after the death of the patriarch, and uncovering and unraveling some hidden truths about each family member. Fifty-something former semi-famous singer Annie Jones tries to get a break from mothering after all her children have left home, but the mothering never stops.
Then I moved onto “How to be Second Best“, which explored a different family dynamic – Emma juggles parenting her two kids; and also the child that was a result of her husband’s affair, while trying to be less of a pushover.
Both books share the theme of women losing their identity through motherhood, and wanting to find themselves again. They also reveal the inequitable mental load a woman so often carnies in a heterosexual relationship, as well as the way women hold it all together while men do bare minimum, and so much more.
It’s so good having a sticky beak into the intricacies of other families and relationships. And Jessica’s writing is so funny – so many LOL moments!
I’ve read the audiobooks and loved Michala Banas’ narration of both – so engaging. lit feels like getting engrossed in a really great show on Netflix, desperately wanting to get back to binge the show when I stop listening. The characters and dialogue are just so real and entertaining.
The first book I read was “This Has Been Absolutely Lovely” – about the Jones family coming together after the death of the patriarch, and uncovering and unraveling some hidden truths about each family member. Fifty-something former semi-famous singer Annie Jones tries to get a break from mothering after all her children have left home, but the mothering never stops.
Then I moved onto “How to be Second Best“, which explored a different family dynamic – Emma juggles parenting her two kids; and also the child that was a result of her husband’s affair, while trying to be less of a pushover.
Both books share the theme of women losing their identity through motherhood, and wanting to find themselves again. They also reveal the inequitable mental load a woman so often carnies in a heterosexual relationship, as well as the way women hold it all together while men do bare minimum, and so much more.
It’s so good having a sticky beak into the intricacies of other families and relationships. And Jessica’s writing is so funny – so many LOL moments!
I’ve read the audiobooks and loved Michala Banas’ narration of both – so engaging. lit feels like getting engrossed in a really great show on Netflix, desperately wanting to get back to binge the show when I stop listening. The characters and dialogue are just so real and entertaining.
January 4, 2020
I read this book in two enthusiastic gulps, because it's so much fun. It's a little different than I was expecting--heftier, perhaps, more honest, but so funny and witty and heartwarming. I loved Emma and her bizarre little family, and I wish I could spend more time in her world. I'm not certain it's the sort of book that will linger for too long, but reading it was like drinking a great big mug of hot chocolate for my soul, and I think most readers will enjoy it as much as I did.
June 21, 2023
A "laugh out loud" funny slice of a peculiar life. Loved this and loved the narrator.
December 23, 2018
This was such a fun read. The heroine Emma is having a pretty hard time in a lot of the book, but the writing is so engaging and entertaining that things never feel too dire.
I loved Dettmann’s wit and slightly sceptical take on modern middle-class parenting (and sleekly renovated houses). And there are some hilarious scenes that made me laugh out loud. My favourite is a description of ‘the runner’s high’ that comes in Week 6 of the Couch to 5K running app, which Emma never makes it past.
Highly recommended!
I loved Dettmann’s wit and slightly sceptical take on modern middle-class parenting (and sleekly renovated houses). And there are some hilarious scenes that made me laugh out loud. My favourite is a description of ‘the runner’s high’ that comes in Week 6 of the Couch to 5K running app, which Emma never makes it past.
Highly recommended!
April 5, 2019
4.5 stars.
This book was such a wonderful surprise. Not that I didn't expect it to be good, but it's the kind of book where you read the blurb and think, 'Hmmm, sounds like a good read.' And then you read it and you think, 'Wow! I love this book.'
I can think of many adjectives to describe this book; funny, charming, warm, poignant, heartwarming, real. All of them apply. What I particularly loved about this book is that I found so many moments that were relatable. Those head-nodding moments that induce a sly smile or an eye-roll because you know exactly what the character is experiencing and feeling. But, you don't have to be a mother to find this book relatable. It is both a general and specific commentary on life in the fast-paced, middle-classed, out of shape, modern world that many of us live in. At times hilarious, at other times thought-provoking.
Dettmann is adept at being able to take a seemingly ordinary story and weave it into one that draws you into Emma's life as if you were a fly on the wall. And although, at times I felt frustrated with Emma's decisions, at the same time I felt like wrapping her into a big hug and telling her it will probably all be okay. Probably.
If I have one criticism, and it is very small, is that I did feel the ending was a little abrupt and only loosely tied up. But that is more a personal observation that a flaw of the book.
I can't wait to read more from Jessica Dettmann and hope I don't have to wait too long.
This book was such a wonderful surprise. Not that I didn't expect it to be good, but it's the kind of book where you read the blurb and think, 'Hmmm, sounds like a good read.' And then you read it and you think, 'Wow! I love this book.'
I can think of many adjectives to describe this book; funny, charming, warm, poignant, heartwarming, real. All of them apply. What I particularly loved about this book is that I found so many moments that were relatable. Those head-nodding moments that induce a sly smile or an eye-roll because you know exactly what the character is experiencing and feeling. But, you don't have to be a mother to find this book relatable. It is both a general and specific commentary on life in the fast-paced, middle-classed, out of shape, modern world that many of us live in. At times hilarious, at other times thought-provoking.
Dettmann is adept at being able to take a seemingly ordinary story and weave it into one that draws you into Emma's life as if you were a fly on the wall. And although, at times I felt frustrated with Emma's decisions, at the same time I felt like wrapping her into a big hug and telling her it will probably all be okay. Probably.
If I have one criticism, and it is very small, is that I did feel the ending was a little abrupt and only loosely tied up. But that is more a personal observation that a flaw of the book.
I can't wait to read more from Jessica Dettmann and hope I don't have to wait too long.
January 22, 2019
This was hilarious and delightful.
March 29, 2019
A story that had some promise but ended too abruptly.
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