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When I Had A Little Sister
When I had a Little Sister is a memoir about a Lancashire farming family, whose love of their land came hand in hand with the resilience to live off it. It’s a story of sisters and sacrifice, grief and reclamation, and of the need to speak the unspeakable.
When did she decide to die? Was it before midnight on Friday the 6th, because she couldn’t face another night or was it before dawn on Saturday the 7th because she couldn’t face another day?
Did she think about us? Did she think about her dog, Ted, or her cat, Puss, sleeping on Grandma Mary’s old sofa in the conservatory and who would be waiting for her to feed them in the morning? What about her horses in the stable? Did she think about them? Did she imagine Dad finding her? It would have to be Dad, after all. It couldn’t be anyone else.
Did she know what she was doing?
On a cold December day in 2013 Catherine Simpson received the phone call she had feared for years. Her little sister Tricia had been found dead in the farmhouse where she, Catherine and their sister Elizabeth were born – and where their family had lived for generations.
Tricia was 46 and had been stalked by depression all her life. Yet mental illness was a taboo subject within the family and although love was never lacking, there was a silence at its heart.
After Tricia died, Catherine found she had kept a lifetime of diaries. The words in them took her back to a past they had shared, but experienced so differently, and offered a thread to help explore the labyrinth of her sister’s suicide.
When did she decide to die? Was it before midnight on Friday the 6th, because she couldn’t face another night or was it before dawn on Saturday the 7th because she couldn’t face another day?
Did she think about us? Did she think about her dog, Ted, or her cat, Puss, sleeping on Grandma Mary’s old sofa in the conservatory and who would be waiting for her to feed them in the morning? What about her horses in the stable? Did she think about them? Did she imagine Dad finding her? It would have to be Dad, after all. It couldn’t be anyone else.
Did she know what she was doing?
On a cold December day in 2013 Catherine Simpson received the phone call she had feared for years. Her little sister Tricia had been found dead in the farmhouse where she, Catherine and their sister Elizabeth were born – and where their family had lived for generations.
Tricia was 46 and had been stalked by depression all her life. Yet mental illness was a taboo subject within the family and although love was never lacking, there was a silence at its heart.
After Tricia died, Catherine found she had kept a lifetime of diaries. The words in them took her back to a past they had shared, but experienced so differently, and offered a thread to help explore the labyrinth of her sister’s suicide.
384 pages, Hardcover
First published January 29, 2019
32 people are currently reading
938 people want to read
About the author
Catherine Simpson
4 books26 followersCatherine Simpson is a novelist and memoir writer. Her memoir One Body was shortlisted in the Scottish Book Awards 2022 and was selected for World Book Night.
She was named as one of Edinburgh UNESCO City of Literature's emerging writers in 2012 and again in 2013.
In 2013 she won a Scottish Book Trust New Writers Award for the opening chapters of Truestory.
She was named as one of Edinburgh UNESCO City of Literature's emerging writers in 2012 and again in 2013.
In 2013 she won a Scottish Book Trust New Writers Award for the opening chapters of Truestory.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 47 reviews
September 22, 2018
When I Had a Little Sister is a sad memoir about loss, mental illness and family, written by the author in the wake of her sister's suicide in 2013 when she was 46 years old.
Cathy Simpson's memoir recants details of her sister's life and mental illness. Tricia, the youngest of three sisters born to a farming family in Lancashire, suffered from mental health problems for over 30 years. Simpson examines their shared childhood growing up in a "family who never spoke" and the implications of this on her sister's and her own depression. We follow Tricia's ups and downs, and learn of the frustrations and complications of caring for a mentally ill relative in the UK.
It is always tough reviewing memoirs, as it often feels like giving them a lower rating is somehow nullifying the author's experiences and life, or criticising their "story". However I will say that I imagine it is incredibly difficult to write about a mentally ill family member, particularly when you are trying to piece together much of your knowledge of them and their interior self from their own diaries - and I think it was generally done well here. My main issue was that some of the chapters didn't feel like they fitted together properly, as sometimes the topic changed completely between paragraphs, only to return to the previous topic a paragraph later, and perhaps could have benefitted from better editing.
Thank you Netgalley and HaperCollins UK / 4th Estate for the advance copy, which was provided in exchange for an honest review.
Cathy Simpson's memoir recants details of her sister's life and mental illness. Tricia, the youngest of three sisters born to a farming family in Lancashire, suffered from mental health problems for over 30 years. Simpson examines their shared childhood growing up in a "family who never spoke" and the implications of this on her sister's and her own depression. We follow Tricia's ups and downs, and learn of the frustrations and complications of caring for a mentally ill relative in the UK.
It is always tough reviewing memoirs, as it often feels like giving them a lower rating is somehow nullifying the author's experiences and life, or criticising their "story". However I will say that I imagine it is incredibly difficult to write about a mentally ill family member, particularly when you are trying to piece together much of your knowledge of them and their interior self from their own diaries - and I think it was generally done well here. My main issue was that some of the chapters didn't feel like they fitted together properly, as sometimes the topic changed completely between paragraphs, only to return to the previous topic a paragraph later, and perhaps could have benefitted from better editing.
Thank you Netgalley and HaperCollins UK / 4th Estate for the advance copy, which was provided in exchange for an honest review.
January 31, 2021
What a poignant, well written memoir. Catherine Simpson details the history of her family and their farm, then the life and tragic suicide of her younger sister Trisha. She blames herself of course for Trisha's death, and throughout the memoir, she tries to piece together Trisha's life, desperate to see if there was anything she could've done to prevent it. As Catherine reads Trisha's diaries, she begins to realise that the Trisha she and her family knew through everyday life was not the real Trisha, who in fact had horrific depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and anxiety and had tried to end her life before. Her diaries were either full of extreme joy or terrible doom. Catherine's family was very tight-lipped - her mother disliked displays of affection, was not interested in knowing much about her children's lives and constantly acted as though the children were the bane of her life. Catherine describes how her family had never really had a deep conversation about their feelings and as such, no one really knew how the others were doing, and this clearly was not helpful to the already desperately miserable Trisha, who felt her parents would not understand her illness. Catherine seems such a genuinely caring, lovely and understanding person. The death of her sister devastated her and their other sister Elizabeth and her journey to discover the truth is extremely moving and heart-breaking.
February 4, 2019
(3.75) On December 7, 2013, Simpson’s younger sister, Tricia, was found dead by their 87-year-old father at the family farmhouse where she lived in Lancashire. She was 46 and had been receiving daily mental health visits for her bipolar disorder, but the family had never been notified about a previous suicide attempt just three weeks before. Simpson excavates her family history to ask how things could have gotten so bad that they didn’t realize that Tricia’s depression had reached suicidal levels.
Simpson’s grandparents – her grandfather a World War I veteran – moved into the property in 1925, so by this time there was literally generations’ worth of stuff to clear out. “I ask myself now: is it possible to dispose of a person’s effects with dignity?” Simpson frets. As she and her father sifted through antique furniture, gadgets and craft supplies, she recalls the previous death in the family: her mother’s from non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma seven years before. Growing up on a cattle farm in the 1970s, the three daughters were expected to be practical and unsentimental; there was never any discussion of emotions, and they got the sense that their overworked, unfulfilled mother would rather they weren’t around at all. In this context, it was hard for Tricia to cope with everyday challenges like struggling with schoolwork and the death of a beloved cousin. She started smoking at 12 and went on antidepressants at 19.
Simpson started writing this family memoir on a fellowship at Hawthornden Castle in February 2016. The first step of her project was to read all of Tricia’s diaries, from age 14 on. There were happy experiences, like six months as a nanny in Vienna and a travel grant to a kibbutz in Israel. There were also unwelcome surprises, like a 1981 suicide note – from when Tricia was just 15. Simpson had never realized just how prone her little sister was to all-or-nothing thinking. She dove headlong into short-lived relationships and, when they failed, feared she would never find love again. Over the years Tricia grew increasingly paranoid, believing she was being watched on the farm and her sisters were plotting to sell the property and leave her with nothing. One time she even locked her parents in to keep them safe.
Although the subtitle is melodramatic, it conveys all that went unsaid in this family: not just sadness, but also love and tenderness. The cover image shows Simpson crying over a dead duckling; Tricia is at the left, her look of consternation startlingly intense for a three-year-old. “It’s only a duck. There’s plenty more where that came from” was their father’s hardhearted response. There are many other family photographs printed in black and white throughout the text; Tricia loved fashion, and is stunning in her glamour shots. While the book is probably overlong, I was absorbed in the family’s story, keen to see how Simpson would reconstruct events through objects, photographs and journals. (My sister is a Tricia, too.) Recommended to readers of Jill Bialosky’s History of a Suicide and Clover Stroud’s The Wild Other.
Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.
Simpson’s grandparents – her grandfather a World War I veteran – moved into the property in 1925, so by this time there was literally generations’ worth of stuff to clear out. “I ask myself now: is it possible to dispose of a person’s effects with dignity?” Simpson frets. As she and her father sifted through antique furniture, gadgets and craft supplies, she recalls the previous death in the family: her mother’s from non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma seven years before. Growing up on a cattle farm in the 1970s, the three daughters were expected to be practical and unsentimental; there was never any discussion of emotions, and they got the sense that their overworked, unfulfilled mother would rather they weren’t around at all. In this context, it was hard for Tricia to cope with everyday challenges like struggling with schoolwork and the death of a beloved cousin. She started smoking at 12 and went on antidepressants at 19.
Simpson started writing this family memoir on a fellowship at Hawthornden Castle in February 2016. The first step of her project was to read all of Tricia’s diaries, from age 14 on. There were happy experiences, like six months as a nanny in Vienna and a travel grant to a kibbutz in Israel. There were also unwelcome surprises, like a 1981 suicide note – from when Tricia was just 15. Simpson had never realized just how prone her little sister was to all-or-nothing thinking. She dove headlong into short-lived relationships and, when they failed, feared she would never find love again. Over the years Tricia grew increasingly paranoid, believing she was being watched on the farm and her sisters were plotting to sell the property and leave her with nothing. One time she even locked her parents in to keep them safe.
Although the subtitle is melodramatic, it conveys all that went unsaid in this family: not just sadness, but also love and tenderness. The cover image shows Simpson crying over a dead duckling; Tricia is at the left, her look of consternation startlingly intense for a three-year-old. “It’s only a duck. There’s plenty more where that came from” was their father’s hardhearted response. There are many other family photographs printed in black and white throughout the text; Tricia loved fashion, and is stunning in her glamour shots. While the book is probably overlong, I was absorbed in the family’s story, keen to see how Simpson would reconstruct events through objects, photographs and journals. (My sister is a Tricia, too.) Recommended to readers of Jill Bialosky’s History of a Suicide and Clover Stroud’s The Wild Other.
Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.
September 30, 2022
Catherine Simpson remembers her sister, Tricia, who took her own life in the farmhouse where they and their other sister, Elizabeth, had grown up. Tricia was 46 and had lived a troubled life, plagued with mental health problems. Their family was an uncommunicative one, who tended to brush their problems under the carpet rather than confronting them. Catherine looks back and reflects over their childhood - could they have done anything differently to prevent Tricia’s downward descent?
This book is incredibly powerful. I felt privileged and humbled to be allowed access into such a close knit family. The author writes so well that I felt I was there in that farmhouse with them during their childhood and teenage years. It’s evocative and nostalgic, heartbreaking yet heartwarming. It’s a harrowingly accurate depiction of mental illness and I felt desperately sad for Tricia, knowing how she struggled and that there was no happy ending.
Thoughtful, profound, special. A memoir of family, together yet apart. I’ll be thinking about this one for a long time.
This book is incredibly powerful. I felt privileged and humbled to be allowed access into such a close knit family. The author writes so well that I felt I was there in that farmhouse with them during their childhood and teenage years. It’s evocative and nostalgic, heartbreaking yet heartwarming. It’s a harrowingly accurate depiction of mental illness and I felt desperately sad for Tricia, knowing how she struggled and that there was no happy ending.
Thoughtful, profound, special. A memoir of family, together yet apart. I’ll be thinking about this one for a long time.
June 17, 2019
This book is a combination of memorializing a younger sister who died from suicide and a look back at a shared family history. Using extensive journals her sister wrote from 12 until her death (at age 46) the author slowly & painfully retraces her sister’s downward spiral with bipolar disease. More sad than informative, I think the author benefitted from writing this memoir but as a reader there was no take away for me. Just a very sad story.
January 11, 2019
When I Had A Little Sister is a memoir by Catherine Simpson which reflects on the suicide of her younger sister Tricia. In the book, she takes a look back at her younger life with her family living on a farm in Lancashire and in particular her relationship with her sister. It is full of anecdotes and reminiscences about her childhood, her parents and her grandparents. Many of the stories made me recall my own similar memories and took me right back to my own childhood. The author's mother sounded a formidable no-nonsense woman who although did not often express her love with words, showed it through her care for her family.
This is an emotive and honest portrayal of the raw grief felt at any death, but particularly a death so untimely and tragic. The helplessness and disbelief will be so recognisable to anyone who has lost a loved one, especially unexpectedly or suddenly. It is clear how Tricia's death devastated the family. The feelings of blame, of guilt, the 'what ifs' are all laid bare in this book. I'm sure that most people would have similar emotions and thoughts in such a tragic situation. The author is frank about how at times she feels she failed her sister but also recognising that she did what she could and would never be able to know why her sister took her life.
"How simple it seems, the idea of sitting down and talking, but it was not simple, it was very complicated; in fact it was impossible." In the Simpson family, people did not talk about their feelings, even if something was clearly wrong. Reading Tricia's diaries after her death, gave Catherine Simpson an insight into how her sister experienced life, often seeing events very differently from her own recollections. In the diaries, we see a troubled woman, one who did at times recognise the help and love her family tried to give.
Through this book we see the importance of communication, of talking about feelings and asking for help. No-one can tell if more openness would have saved Tricia, but talking about feelings and emotions is so incredibly important for everyone. It is not a sign of weakness to admit you are struggling and need help. In fact, it's a sign of courage and strength.
It almost seems wrong to say I enjoyed this book given it is about the loss of a much loved sister. But although there are of course incredibly sad parts of the book, it's not a sad or depressing read. In fact, there is a lot of humour throughout. The author has written honestly and openly about her family's experiences in this memoir making it insightful, compelling and very moving.
This is an emotive and honest portrayal of the raw grief felt at any death, but particularly a death so untimely and tragic. The helplessness and disbelief will be so recognisable to anyone who has lost a loved one, especially unexpectedly or suddenly. It is clear how Tricia's death devastated the family. The feelings of blame, of guilt, the 'what ifs' are all laid bare in this book. I'm sure that most people would have similar emotions and thoughts in such a tragic situation. The author is frank about how at times she feels she failed her sister but also recognising that she did what she could and would never be able to know why her sister took her life.
"How simple it seems, the idea of sitting down and talking, but it was not simple, it was very complicated; in fact it was impossible." In the Simpson family, people did not talk about their feelings, even if something was clearly wrong. Reading Tricia's diaries after her death, gave Catherine Simpson an insight into how her sister experienced life, often seeing events very differently from her own recollections. In the diaries, we see a troubled woman, one who did at times recognise the help and love her family tried to give.
Through this book we see the importance of communication, of talking about feelings and asking for help. No-one can tell if more openness would have saved Tricia, but talking about feelings and emotions is so incredibly important for everyone. It is not a sign of weakness to admit you are struggling and need help. In fact, it's a sign of courage and strength.
It almost seems wrong to say I enjoyed this book given it is about the loss of a much loved sister. But although there are of course incredibly sad parts of the book, it's not a sad or depressing read. In fact, there is a lot of humour throughout. The author has written honestly and openly about her family's experiences in this memoir making it insightful, compelling and very moving.
July 3, 2022
[4.5star]
beautifully written, this is such a personal, poignant memoir and it'll stay with me for a long time.
beautifully written, this is such a personal, poignant memoir and it'll stay with me for a long time.
February 10, 2019
Catherine Simpson’s memoir is not a book easy to review. First of all, it is of course non-fictional, second, it is a very personal report on a sister’s emotions and thoughts after her younger sibling committed suicide. This makes it difficult to use phrases like “I liked it” or “I didn’t like it” since they simply don’t work here. It is also somehow out of question to discuss the tone of writing as while reading it, I had the impression that it was much more written for Simpson herself than necessarily for a reader. It seemed to me to be her way of coping with the situation and sorting out her thoughts and feelings.
I appreciated her openness in sharing her sometimes contradictory emotions, in not embellishing her own role in her sister’s life. She presents episodes where she was nasty as a kid or where she simply did not pay enough attention to Tricia’s needs. This surely is not easy to talk about. But this is exactly the point she is making: in their family, they never talked. The girls were taught to be silent, not to ask too many questions and best not to be seen at all. They did not have a poor childhood, they had good times and fun on the farm, too, but the family’s way of coping with emotions certainly played a role in the development of Tricia’s illness and final suicide.
The book definitely gives a good insight in living with depression and how the loved ones who are left behind after someone chose to end his or her life feel guilty and wonder if they could have done more. I don’t think there is much you can actually do to protect and help people with serious mental health issues, but you can certainly work on talking more with the people around you.
I appreciated her openness in sharing her sometimes contradictory emotions, in not embellishing her own role in her sister’s life. She presents episodes where she was nasty as a kid or where she simply did not pay enough attention to Tricia’s needs. This surely is not easy to talk about. But this is exactly the point she is making: in their family, they never talked. The girls were taught to be silent, not to ask too many questions and best not to be seen at all. They did not have a poor childhood, they had good times and fun on the farm, too, but the family’s way of coping with emotions certainly played a role in the development of Tricia’s illness and final suicide.
The book definitely gives a good insight in living with depression and how the loved ones who are left behind after someone chose to end his or her life feel guilty and wonder if they could have done more. I don’t think there is much you can actually do to protect and help people with serious mental health issues, but you can certainly work on talking more with the people around you.
April 19, 2021
While poignant and sad there were some great reminders of life growing up in the 70’s and 80’s . Beautifully written and thought provoking - this book will stay with me for some time .
March 7, 2019
I am writing this review after just finishing the book about 20 minutes ago. I'm not a huge crier but I have just sobbed my heart out and I feel totally and utterly bereft, drained and wrung out.
I saw this book talked about on Jen Campbell's YouTube channel a few weeks ago and thought it sounded interesting. I contacted the lovely Matt Clacher at 4th Estate Books and cheekily asked if I could have a copy to review. Matt being Matt said of course! And a couple of days later it was in my possession.
I picked it up to read on a lazy Saturday afternoon and had read it by Sunday. I just couldn't tear my eyes away from it and both of the other books I'm currently reading have had to take a back seat.
When I Had A Little Sister tells of the harrowing and completely devastating death of Catherine Simpson's little sister Tricia. Tricia suffered from depression and ultimately bipolar and psychosis from her early teens and first started to change when she was just 8 years old. Tricia took her own life on the 7th December 2013 at the age of 46 having suffered terribly for most of her life.
Catherine starts the book from the point of her getting that horrific telephone call from her older sister Elizabeth, telling her that something had happened to Trisha. We then follow the devastating aftermath of the hours, days and weeks following the grim discovery.
Catherine then takes us back in time to the sisters early childhood and their family life living on a farm called New House Farm in rural Lancashire. A typical farming family who's livelihood depended on their dairy herd, early mornings and hard physical work. Theirs was a family who didn't really sit down and converse, they didn't 'chat' or talk about feelings, and their only conversation at the tea table was regarding the weather and the various goings on with the farm animals. As children the girls were told not to interrupt and basically be seen and not heard.
The 3 girls were outdoorsy, physical with little regard for health and safety, always out playing in the lanes, getting dirty and witnessing the death of the animals regularly. Catherine also talks about the various demises of her extended relatives and talks candidly about their grandfather being in their front room in his open coffin and the children playing a raucous game up and down the corridor whereby if they touched the handle of the door grandad was behind, they became 'haunted'.
Catherine pieces together little signs of the changes in Tricia's behaviour from as early as the age of 8. When Tricia sadly changed from a bubbly, sweet natured, people pleasing little girl to a sullen, withdrawn child who hid behind her fringe and very rarely took part in games anymore.
After Tricia's death Catherine and Elizabeth wrack their brains to try and determine what prompted this distinct change in Tricia. Abuse is mulled over and quickly dismissed and they cannot fathom what it could have been related to.
As Catherine and Elizabeth grow up and move out of the farmhouse Tricia is the one left behind. She is lonely and tied to the farmhouse and her parents until sadly their mother dies of cancer.
Tricia does go on to study and have some happy moments in her life but ultimately she cannot settle or find peace and takes the painful decision to end her own life.
This book drew me in in so many different ways. The sheer horror and devastation of the event itself being the first pull. However Catherine weaves a very beautiful nostalgic story which is often lightly humorous. The fact that they are a northern working class family resonated with me and a lot of their childhood phrases and games really brought back memories of my own working class northern childhood.
I was also drawn to the various stories of other family members. A great great aunt who bought a one way ticket to Australia for her husband and told him good riddance, who eventually perished when she put a heater on her bed to warm her up and her bedclothes caught fire. There are countless stories of eccentric, larger than life ancestors, their life inside and outside of the farm and their links to Catherine and her family.
Catherine's mother and father are both very interesting people. Her mother is slightly detached, closed off and not very emotional. She cares for the needs of the girls, cooking them wholesome delicious meals but then retreating to her bedroom for hours on end behind a locked door. Their father, the one who discovered Tricia's body is equally as unemotional. A man of few words who looks after the farm and leaves the raising of the girls mostly to his wife until her death where he has to step into the role of Tricia's carer.
The overarching themes in this story are obviously mental health, suicide, grief, loss and trying to figure out who a person really was after they've gone and you are left behind with so many unanswered questions.
I honestly can't put into words how I feel about this book. It feels very wrong to say I 'enjoyed' it but I tore through it in less than 24 hours. My head is buzzing with thoughts and my heart is very heavy. It has provoked an extremely strong reaction in me and is a book I will never ever forget.
Thank you as always to Matt Clacher and 4th Estate for the proof copy.
I saw this book talked about on Jen Campbell's YouTube channel a few weeks ago and thought it sounded interesting. I contacted the lovely Matt Clacher at 4th Estate Books and cheekily asked if I could have a copy to review. Matt being Matt said of course! And a couple of days later it was in my possession.
I picked it up to read on a lazy Saturday afternoon and had read it by Sunday. I just couldn't tear my eyes away from it and both of the other books I'm currently reading have had to take a back seat.
When I Had A Little Sister tells of the harrowing and completely devastating death of Catherine Simpson's little sister Tricia. Tricia suffered from depression and ultimately bipolar and psychosis from her early teens and first started to change when she was just 8 years old. Tricia took her own life on the 7th December 2013 at the age of 46 having suffered terribly for most of her life.
Catherine starts the book from the point of her getting that horrific telephone call from her older sister Elizabeth, telling her that something had happened to Trisha. We then follow the devastating aftermath of the hours, days and weeks following the grim discovery.
Catherine then takes us back in time to the sisters early childhood and their family life living on a farm called New House Farm in rural Lancashire. A typical farming family who's livelihood depended on their dairy herd, early mornings and hard physical work. Theirs was a family who didn't really sit down and converse, they didn't 'chat' or talk about feelings, and their only conversation at the tea table was regarding the weather and the various goings on with the farm animals. As children the girls were told not to interrupt and basically be seen and not heard.
The 3 girls were outdoorsy, physical with little regard for health and safety, always out playing in the lanes, getting dirty and witnessing the death of the animals regularly. Catherine also talks about the various demises of her extended relatives and talks candidly about their grandfather being in their front room in his open coffin and the children playing a raucous game up and down the corridor whereby if they touched the handle of the door grandad was behind, they became 'haunted'.
Catherine pieces together little signs of the changes in Tricia's behaviour from as early as the age of 8. When Tricia sadly changed from a bubbly, sweet natured, people pleasing little girl to a sullen, withdrawn child who hid behind her fringe and very rarely took part in games anymore.
After Tricia's death Catherine and Elizabeth wrack their brains to try and determine what prompted this distinct change in Tricia. Abuse is mulled over and quickly dismissed and they cannot fathom what it could have been related to.
As Catherine and Elizabeth grow up and move out of the farmhouse Tricia is the one left behind. She is lonely and tied to the farmhouse and her parents until sadly their mother dies of cancer.
Tricia does go on to study and have some happy moments in her life but ultimately she cannot settle or find peace and takes the painful decision to end her own life.
This book drew me in in so many different ways. The sheer horror and devastation of the event itself being the first pull. However Catherine weaves a very beautiful nostalgic story which is often lightly humorous. The fact that they are a northern working class family resonated with me and a lot of their childhood phrases and games really brought back memories of my own working class northern childhood.
I was also drawn to the various stories of other family members. A great great aunt who bought a one way ticket to Australia for her husband and told him good riddance, who eventually perished when she put a heater on her bed to warm her up and her bedclothes caught fire. There are countless stories of eccentric, larger than life ancestors, their life inside and outside of the farm and their links to Catherine and her family.
Catherine's mother and father are both very interesting people. Her mother is slightly detached, closed off and not very emotional. She cares for the needs of the girls, cooking them wholesome delicious meals but then retreating to her bedroom for hours on end behind a locked door. Their father, the one who discovered Tricia's body is equally as unemotional. A man of few words who looks after the farm and leaves the raising of the girls mostly to his wife until her death where he has to step into the role of Tricia's carer.
The overarching themes in this story are obviously mental health, suicide, grief, loss and trying to figure out who a person really was after they've gone and you are left behind with so many unanswered questions.
I honestly can't put into words how I feel about this book. It feels very wrong to say I 'enjoyed' it but I tore through it in less than 24 hours. My head is buzzing with thoughts and my heart is very heavy. It has provoked an extremely strong reaction in me and is a book I will never ever forget.
Thank you as always to Matt Clacher and 4th Estate for the proof copy.
February 1, 2019
Unfamiliar as I am to posting about non-fiction books, there was something compelling about When I Had a Little Sister when I heard it was available for review that meant I pressed the button to request, I’m so glad I did. When I Had a Little Sister is a thoughtful, loving account of a relative suffering from mental illness told by a sister whose love shines through in every word,
I loved the way Catherine Simpson told the history; there was no linear pattern and that felt right, it was as if she was telling the story for the first time, allowing herself (and thereby us) to go off, not quite at a tangent, but to move through the tales of her extended family pretty much as one would expect a friend to do. Introducing us to those important people from her childhood and sharing some memory of them that she’d plucked from her heart. Not perfect of course, but then this is a tale of honesty, and no one is perfect.
I related so well to her family, probably because in a way they reminded me of my own. Not in experiences granted, but certainly in the way things were dealt with; particularly by her mother. Those closing down of questions, the shying away from discussing the important things, I could identify with it all. So I could understand how Tricia’s illness was not spoken about directly, why the questions remained unanswered.
It’s written in a easygoing style which I found really engaging and captivating. Even in the depths of despair, through the frustration, Catherine’s love for her sister is so plainly evident it’s both touching and heartbreaking. I guess that is why, even though the heart of the memoir, the depression, the bi-polar, might have been difficult to read, I didn’t find it so. The author was unlikely to get the answers she craved, but I shared in the desire to find a reason, to examine Tricia’s life and see if there was a catalyst for her illness. The tale is tragic, what loss of such a young woman would not be tragic; but it isn’t depressing. Through the losses there is laughter, silliness and yes, yet again, love,
I’m not going to reduce this to a “I couldn’t put it down” snapshot, though I did read it in a day (make of that what you will), but I will say I really enjoy the glimpse into the heart of the family. I put the book down and immediately bought the author’s previous book (Truestory), and I look forward to reading more of her writing. When I Had a Little Sister is something special, thank you for sharing the story.
I thank the publishers and NetGalley for allowing me to review this book and give an HONEST opinion in return. When I Had a Little Sister is published on 7th February 2019
I loved the way Catherine Simpson told the history; there was no linear pattern and that felt right, it was as if she was telling the story for the first time, allowing herself (and thereby us) to go off, not quite at a tangent, but to move through the tales of her extended family pretty much as one would expect a friend to do. Introducing us to those important people from her childhood and sharing some memory of them that she’d plucked from her heart. Not perfect of course, but then this is a tale of honesty, and no one is perfect.
I related so well to her family, probably because in a way they reminded me of my own. Not in experiences granted, but certainly in the way things were dealt with; particularly by her mother. Those closing down of questions, the shying away from discussing the important things, I could identify with it all. So I could understand how Tricia’s illness was not spoken about directly, why the questions remained unanswered.
It’s written in a easygoing style which I found really engaging and captivating. Even in the depths of despair, through the frustration, Catherine’s love for her sister is so plainly evident it’s both touching and heartbreaking. I guess that is why, even though the heart of the memoir, the depression, the bi-polar, might have been difficult to read, I didn’t find it so. The author was unlikely to get the answers she craved, but I shared in the desire to find a reason, to examine Tricia’s life and see if there was a catalyst for her illness. The tale is tragic, what loss of such a young woman would not be tragic; but it isn’t depressing. Through the losses there is laughter, silliness and yes, yet again, love,
I’m not going to reduce this to a “I couldn’t put it down” snapshot, though I did read it in a day (make of that what you will), but I will say I really enjoy the glimpse into the heart of the family. I put the book down and immediately bought the author’s previous book (Truestory), and I look forward to reading more of her writing. When I Had a Little Sister is something special, thank you for sharing the story.
I thank the publishers and NetGalley for allowing me to review this book and give an HONEST opinion in return. When I Had a Little Sister is published on 7th February 2019
July 23, 2022
I borrowed this book from BorrowBox the digital lending side of my local Library.
I found this an interesting read and I can only imagine what it must be like to lose a sibling like this. Catherine relates to the reader the experiences that they they all went through as a family and how they all interacted as a family unit. No family unit is perfect and we all have our issues. I will always remember words spoken to me by a counsellor that I went to once, when he asked what my family life was like? My response to him was that 'we were a normal family' and he replied by asking, 'What is a normal family?' He had a huge point and it makes you think as no family is normal and we are all different.
Sadly, I lost a sibling some years ago, he unfortunately had a benign brain tumour and died from complications to it, so I know what it's like to lose a sibling maybe not in the same way as Catherine though. I had a friend (not a very close one) who was found in similar circumstances to Tricia, no one knows what goes through someone's head to make them act in the way that they did. My friend unbeknown to me suffered similarly to Tricia and had mental and depressive issues that I was unaware of. It's great to talk, but sometimes talking isn't enough to help the person.
The book was made even more interesting for me, as whilst I don't know Catherine personally, her family lived local to me, so I knew a lot of the areas that she wrote about in the book and we are similar in age so some of her childhood resonates with me too. While reading the book I realised that we knew some of the same people and that she is related to people that I know and have spent time in their company on many occasions even having in the past met her father at gatherings. The world is a very small place indeed.
Depression and mental illness are complex illnesses and until you have experienced them either first hand or as family members of the person suffering with the illnesses then you have no idea what it is like. I speak from experience having suffered with similar illnesses in the past myself, but not to the same extent as Tricia and the friend that I lost.
I can remember and always will remember words that were spoken to me by my mother in law at the time that I was having problems, who clearly had no idea at all about what I was going through. She told me to 'pull myself together', for anyone who has suffered they will know that this isn't an easy thing to do at all.
April 15, 2022
Read as part of BooksandLala's Buzzwordathon.
3.5/5
In a childish hand, written in pencil it said: 'Tricia Simpson owns this book so keep your nose out of other people's business and don't read this.'
I began to read.
As many other readers have noted, this is a very personal memoir, and evidently very cathartic for the writer - and for this reason, it is very difficult to review. I think we all have a person or two in our lives like Trish, where seeing a call from an unknown number comes with an under tone of, "oh, please, no." Some of us may, indeed, be all too aware that we are that person for certain friends and family members. For this reason, it's easy to see why Catherine Simpson's editor may have found editing this work as difficult as many of us find it to review.
To watch dusty, neglected, largely unloved items set alight, burn, smoulder and turn to ashes felt right. It also felt very warm and, despite it being summer when we did the clearing, the heat on my face was comforting and gazing into the heart of a fire consuming my family history was mesmerizing.
This book is heartbreaking, frank, funny in places, filled with beautifully written paragraphs and sentences, and utterly uninterested in the type of generous gloss that is typical to a family memoir. It's a very human story, with a very human telling, and for this reason it ends up a bit unfocussed. For me, it was hard to take very much from this book - and I also felt like I was supposed to be taking a lot from it.
I wasn't sure what I was crying about, except everything; I was crying about everything.
3.5/5
In a childish hand, written in pencil it said: 'Tricia Simpson owns this book so keep your nose out of other people's business and don't read this.'
I began to read.
As many other readers have noted, this is a very personal memoir, and evidently very cathartic for the writer - and for this reason, it is very difficult to review. I think we all have a person or two in our lives like Trish, where seeing a call from an unknown number comes with an under tone of, "oh, please, no." Some of us may, indeed, be all too aware that we are that person for certain friends and family members. For this reason, it's easy to see why Catherine Simpson's editor may have found editing this work as difficult as many of us find it to review.
To watch dusty, neglected, largely unloved items set alight, burn, smoulder and turn to ashes felt right. It also felt very warm and, despite it being summer when we did the clearing, the heat on my face was comforting and gazing into the heart of a fire consuming my family history was mesmerizing.
This book is heartbreaking, frank, funny in places, filled with beautifully written paragraphs and sentences, and utterly uninterested in the type of generous gloss that is typical to a family memoir. It's a very human story, with a very human telling, and for this reason it ends up a bit unfocussed. For me, it was hard to take very much from this book - and I also felt like I was supposed to be taking a lot from it.
I wasn't sure what I was crying about, except everything; I was crying about everything.
March 3, 2019
Catherine Simpson’s memoir ‘When I had a Little Sister’ is many things. It is a tribute to the life of a Lancashire family who farmed the same land over several generations, who were still living a traditional life in the 1960s when the rest of the world was experiencing radical change. It is also a joyful, frequently hilarious and sometimes alarming celebration of childhood on the farm. But the core of this memoir is the author’s struggle to come to terms with her younger sister Tricia’s suicide, at the age of 46.
This is a beautifully written, unflinchingly honest piece of writing, not just in terms of the family members who populate these pages, but in terms of the author herself, as she traces the progression of her sister’s mental illness; the family’s confusion and inability to confront the seriousness of Tricia’s progressive deterioration, the emotional turmoil of loving someone whose mental health is seriously compromised and the frustrations of dealing with a health service which refuses to engage with the rest of her family.
This is a beautifully written, unflinchingly honest piece of writing, not just in terms of the family members who populate these pages, but in terms of the author herself, as she traces the progression of her sister’s mental illness; the family’s confusion and inability to confront the seriousness of Tricia’s progressive deterioration, the emotional turmoil of loving someone whose mental health is seriously compromised and the frustrations of dealing with a health service which refuses to engage with the rest of her family.
May 6, 2019
A very personal journey of discovery:
This is a powerful, soul-searching novel of familial discovery. After a lifetime of depression, Catherine's young sister takes her life aged only 46. As Catherine reads her sister's voluminous diaries she learns of the differences the sisters had in the perception of their lives as they grew up together. How childhood experiences can be perceived so differently. Not an uplifting novel, nor one which will be to every reader's taste: this is a story which explores mental illness and the misery it can cause the sufferer. The book is set in a period before depression and other common mental illnesses were fully accepted and understood by the wider population and more openly discussed. Well-written and highly personal, this is a story which I think many readers will be able to empathise with and/or learn from. A very personal tale of one sister coming to terms with the worldly outlook of her sibling.
(My review was based on an eBook file provided to me by the publisher. My review is totally independent.)
This is a powerful, soul-searching novel of familial discovery. After a lifetime of depression, Catherine's young sister takes her life aged only 46. As Catherine reads her sister's voluminous diaries she learns of the differences the sisters had in the perception of their lives as they grew up together. How childhood experiences can be perceived so differently. Not an uplifting novel, nor one which will be to every reader's taste: this is a story which explores mental illness and the misery it can cause the sufferer. The book is set in a period before depression and other common mental illnesses were fully accepted and understood by the wider population and more openly discussed. Well-written and highly personal, this is a story which I think many readers will be able to empathise with and/or learn from. A very personal tale of one sister coming to terms with the worldly outlook of her sibling.
(My review was based on an eBook file provided to me by the publisher. My review is totally independent.)
December 31, 2018
An extremely insightful peek into the life of a family and how they deal with mental illness, the invisible disability that affects so many out there.
It took me a while to get into the story, but slowly I was pulled into the concerned world of Catherine, who catalogues her younger sister, Tricia's sinking into depression, Bi-Polar and an extremely sad end.
Peppered with old family photos, you get to see the characters you are reading about, and it hits home harder, that this is a real-life story, not something spun from an author's mind.
Having experienced Bi-Polar as a family member of a sufferer, I could relate to a lot of what was happening in Catherine's life.
A sometimes uncomfortable, but extremely heartwrenching read.
Thank you to NetGalley, 4th Estate and William Collins for an advanced reader copy of this book.
It took me a while to get into the story, but slowly I was pulled into the concerned world of Catherine, who catalogues her younger sister, Tricia's sinking into depression, Bi-Polar and an extremely sad end.
Peppered with old family photos, you get to see the characters you are reading about, and it hits home harder, that this is a real-life story, not something spun from an author's mind.
Having experienced Bi-Polar as a family member of a sufferer, I could relate to a lot of what was happening in Catherine's life.
A sometimes uncomfortable, but extremely heartwrenching read.
Thank you to NetGalley, 4th Estate and William Collins for an advanced reader copy of this book.
July 14, 2019
Let me start by saying, this is a heartbreaking memoir. Catherine Simpson receives a phone call in late 2013 she has long feared. Her sister Tricia has taken her own life aged just 46.
Over the years Tricia has kept diaries that Catherine reads through and try’s to get a handle on her sisters thoughts and feelings that brings her to making this decision.
The sadness can be felt in every paragraph of the book but with love and understanding - mental illness is not an easy thing to understand as no one person feels the same as the next and I can feel that intrinsically weaved in to the narrative.
Catherine’s family are a stoic hardy farming family from Lancashire that did not talk. Feelings and emotions were internalised and I feel that the terribly sad loss of Tricia has clearly changed this, as is evident in this writings for this story.
Over the years Tricia has kept diaries that Catherine reads through and try’s to get a handle on her sisters thoughts and feelings that brings her to making this decision.
The sadness can be felt in every paragraph of the book but with love and understanding - mental illness is not an easy thing to understand as no one person feels the same as the next and I can feel that intrinsically weaved in to the narrative.
Catherine’s family are a stoic hardy farming family from Lancashire that did not talk. Feelings and emotions were internalised and I feel that the terribly sad loss of Tricia has clearly changed this, as is evident in this writings for this story.
April 4, 2019
This is a story of suicide and of love. It is heartbreaking, it is honest and it is full of love for family and a way of life. Catherine Simpson looks at the life of her sister before suicide but this isn't a "misery memoir" this is almost thanks for how long Tricia was alive and surviving with mental illness. Looking through her sister's diaries, Catherine sees their life through a different lens. and then this books helps her reflect on it.
Although this is about suicide, mental illness and family difficulties, it is actually about universal themes and many people would benefit from reading it and thinking how they relate to their own families.
I was given a copy of this book by Netgalley in return for an honest review.
Although this is about suicide, mental illness and family difficulties, it is actually about universal themes and many people would benefit from reading it and thinking how they relate to their own families.
I was given a copy of this book by Netgalley in return for an honest review.
January 14, 2022
I seem to have a bit of an unpopular opinion on this book but it was not a good reading experience for me. I'm sure it was cathartic for Catherine Simpson to write and plenty of other readers seem to have connected with the work but for me it felt like the author could never decide if she was telling her sister's story or her own. Her interjections felt like when you are trying to have a conversation with someone who has to immediately relate any of your experiences with one of their own and interrupts what you're saying to bring the focus back on them. A lot of her writing about her sister felt incredibly judgmental and was really unpleasant to read as someone who has also struggled with lifelong mental illness and suicidal ideation.
September 19, 2023
This as a lovely memoir - one that manages to be both funny and poignant, at times even desperately sad. The funniest parts were those about growing up on a Lancashire farm in the 1970s, the unique quirks of this family and its recent antecedents, and the way these three sisters roamed wild over fields and between hedgerows. The tragic story underpinning this is about the youngest sister and her struggles with mental health, exacerbated (I think) by the way the mother of them all refused to engage in proper conversation about any difficult subject, making it hard for the rest of the family to help this young woman. In spite of the younger sister's story, this is not overall a sad book, but there's a tender uplift at the end that is well worth reaching.
May 9, 2025
This book is a memoir, but not really about her sister—it feels more about the author herself. I found it kind of boring at first because it focused more on her own life, especially her experiences with farming. I was expecting the main focus to be on her sister, who died by suicide, so I was a bit disappointed.
Some parts of the book felt disconnected, and the story jumped around a bit. It wasn’t a great read for me. However, I think it could still help people who are going through depression or grief.
For me, a great book is one I never want to end—something that makes me cry, laugh, or feel deeply. But with this one, I just wanted to finish it quickly so I could move on to another book.
Some parts of the book felt disconnected, and the story jumped around a bit. It wasn’t a great read for me. However, I think it could still help people who are going through depression or grief.
For me, a great book is one I never want to end—something that makes me cry, laugh, or feel deeply. But with this one, I just wanted to finish it quickly so I could move on to another book.
February 17, 2019
This is a beautiful book. A memoir about a suicide sounds daunting and there are parts of this that are unbearably sad, but the author skilfully balances the stark reality of what happened with laugh-out-loud passages. It brings growing up in the 60s and 70s alive, childhood freedom, playing outdoors, 'children should be seen and not heard' rules. Mental health is such an important story and asking around my friends I'm sure this family isn't unique in failing to talk about feelings, this is a story that could have happened to any of us. Trauma can come out of the blue, honesty and empathy are vital and this book enshrines both.
March 13, 2019
Needed to read it
I found this book incredibly moving, having just had my own book on my experience of suicide attempts and psychosis I was very keen to read this story of how family are affected by suicide and mental illness, I have known many people who have died by suicide but never very very close family members. The book shows the impact it has so we!l. People like me would maybe do well to read this as it helps me see how damaged the people I love would be if I had succeeded. Sometimes I have had no idea that such an act would have such an impact. Thank you so so much. I need that reminder and reality check sometimes.
I found this book incredibly moving, having just had my own book on my experience of suicide attempts and psychosis I was very keen to read this story of how family are affected by suicide and mental illness, I have known many people who have died by suicide but never very very close family members. The book shows the impact it has so we!l. People like me would maybe do well to read this as it helps me see how damaged the people I love would be if I had succeeded. Sometimes I have had no idea that such an act would have such an impact. Thank you so so much. I need that reminder and reality check sometimes.
March 7, 2019
This is not an easy book to review. Catherine Simpson's memoir tells of her sister Trisha's mental health and subsequent suicide at the age of 46. But in telling that story the author has manage to tell a very entertaining story of her family life within the Lancashire farming community. The result is a heartwarming, honest, funny and heartbreaking tale. To say I enjoyed it doesn't seem right but I am glad I read it.
May 1, 2020
3.5 stars
I always feel weird putting a star rating on a non-fiction book about a family's trauma, because I feel it wasn't written for some stranger to slap their arbitrary rating on it. How can you rate a person's experience of their sister's psychosis and eventual suicide anyway?
My rating is based therefore just off the writing style and how I thought she managed the retelling. Around half-way through (ish) when she said she was on the writing fellowship in Scotland and reading her sister's diaries, and used them to guide the structure of her writing from then on, I thought this was better than the more expository first half, and would have been better if she'd used that structure throughout. Just because I found it easier to read (and less just dark and difficult) when the book was tethered to Catherine Simpson in the 'present' on the writing fellowship.
Before that, it was just quite hard reading about her despotic mother and silent father, and her really dysfunctional family/history (sorry Catherine Simpson).
It's definitely quite a depressing read, but then again it's uplifting because it reminds you how lucky you are, and the more frequently I remember that, the better. Simpson was also a good guiding voice throughout the book who I trusted and liked, and she did a good job there of helping the reader to stick with her through a difficult, sad book.
I always feel weird putting a star rating on a non-fiction book about a family's trauma, because I feel it wasn't written for some stranger to slap their arbitrary rating on it. How can you rate a person's experience of their sister's psychosis and eventual suicide anyway?
My rating is based therefore just off the writing style and how I thought she managed the retelling. Around half-way through (ish) when she said she was on the writing fellowship in Scotland and reading her sister's diaries, and used them to guide the structure of her writing from then on, I thought this was better than the more expository first half, and would have been better if she'd used that structure throughout. Just because I found it easier to read (and less just dark and difficult) when the book was tethered to Catherine Simpson in the 'present' on the writing fellowship.
Before that, it was just quite hard reading about her despotic mother and silent father, and her really dysfunctional family/history (sorry Catherine Simpson).
It's definitely quite a depressing read, but then again it's uplifting because it reminds you how lucky you are, and the more frequently I remember that, the better. Simpson was also a good guiding voice throughout the book who I trusted and liked, and she did a good job there of helping the reader to stick with her through a difficult, sad book.
July 2, 2022
Had heard of this book on booktube and wanted to read - picked up in the library.
It was a very well written memoir - poignant and sad but funny with it. The author’s love for her sister and regret at what could have been comes across very well and her writing at times is really beautiful.
Given the subject matter, the book can be pretty depressing at times and a few parts were a bit repetitive.
Enjoyed, and the author seems to have made peace with the sad loss of her younger sister.
It was a very well written memoir - poignant and sad but funny with it. The author’s love for her sister and regret at what could have been comes across very well and her writing at times is really beautiful.
Given the subject matter, the book can be pretty depressing at times and a few parts were a bit repetitive.
Enjoyed, and the author seems to have made peace with the sad loss of her younger sister.
September 5, 2023
Heartbreaking, moving, insightful - a beautiful book that takes us on a journey of a family, with so many socio-historical details along the way. And it's also the journey of the writer, trying to find a way to come to terms with her little sister's lifelong mental health issues and eventual suicide.
I could connect with this story in so many ways and once you start reading, it's very difficult to put it down.
I could connect with this story in so many ways and once you start reading, it's very difficult to put it down.
June 2, 2021
When I had a little sister not my usual read. Basically a lovely written account of Catherine's take on her sister Trishas suicide. Memories, diary's, and questions of if she could have done more, the subject of depression and mental health issues that are never talked about. I was a nice read but not a subject matter I would normally go for but I would still recommend.
June 9, 2021
Received through Box of Stories.
A heart-wrenching account of the experience of having a family member with a mental illness and limited ability to help, Simpson cleverly tells the story of growing up on a British farm and the culture of not talking about things that exists in so many families- and how this affected her and her sisters growing up.
A heart-wrenching account of the experience of having a family member with a mental illness and limited ability to help, Simpson cleverly tells the story of growing up on a British farm and the culture of not talking about things that exists in so many families- and how this affected her and her sisters growing up.
October 19, 2023
Well written, interesting and different, but sad and introspective.
My biggest quibble really is the blurb on the cover. This was not at all reminiscent of Tara Westover’s Educated in my mind. And ‘The Story of a Farming Family Who Never Spoke’ isn’t a very accurate description either. I felt both of these statements overhyped the contents.
My biggest quibble really is the blurb on the cover. This was not at all reminiscent of Tara Westover’s Educated in my mind. And ‘The Story of a Farming Family Who Never Spoke’ isn’t a very accurate description either. I felt both of these statements overhyped the contents.
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