Tech Generation: Raising Balanced Kids in a Hyper-Connected World

by Mike Brooks, Jon Lasser

Parents often worry about raising kids in a tech-saturated world. The threats of cyberbullying, video game violence, pornography, and sexting may seem inescapable. While these dangers exist, there is a much more common and subtle way that technology can cause harm. The pull of our screens often results in their overuse. In turn, this overuse can undermine our ability to meet our fundamental needs for sleep, physical activity, and perhaps most importantly, or in-person social relationships. As parents, we must guide our children toward a healthy, balanced, mindful use of technology. This is quite a challenge, and we often struggle almost as much as our kids with the pull of the screens. We must keep in mind that we are only at the tip of this very formidable iceberg!

Tech Generation: Raising Balanced Kids in a Hyper-Connected World guides parents in teaching their children how to reap the benefits of living in a digital world while also preventing its negative effects. Mike Brooks and Jon Lasser, psychologists with extensive experience working with kids, parents, and teachers, combine cutting-edge research and expertise to create an engaging and helpful guide that emphasizes the importance of the parent-child relationship. They reject an "all or nothing" attitude towards technology, in favor of a balanced approach that neither idealizes nor demonizes the digital. Brooks and Lasser provide strategies for preventing technology from becoming problematic in the first place; steps for addressing problems when they arise; and ways of intervening when problems are out of control. They also discuss the increasingly challenging issue of technology use in schools, and how parents can collaborate with educators when concerns arise over kids' use of technology.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Technology

328 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 2, 2018

About the author

Dr. Mike Brooks is a Licensed Psychologist and the Director of the APACenter (Austin Psychology & Assessment Center), which is a group of psychologists and other practitioners who provide psychological and neuropsychological assessments, therapy, consultation, and coaching to people of all ages.

Reviews

[Julian · Rating 5 out of 5]

I actually really enjoyed reading this book. It was able to keep my interest and focus with many relatable and real recounts from other parents.

There was a great deal of self reflection initiated by the book. My own habits with tech aren't great and it was eye opening to read how this can (and likely, will) impact my kids.

The action items make sense and aren't impossible feats which was refreshing.

I took a lot away from the book. Definitely worth a read even if it's just to gain a different perspective.

[Brittany · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a must-read for parents. The authors offer a balanced approach to technology that accepts its presence yet provides appropriate boundaries that build on the positives of technology, while avoid the dangerous pitfalls. I appreciated this balanced approach, the strategies provided at the green, yellow, and red light level as well as the connection to psychological theory and research. This book even stimulated helpful self-examination as a parent.

definition of balanced used of technology: individuals are able to meet their own educational, social, and psychological needs so that they are, in a sense, happy and productive. this is a moving target. As children develop and technology change, parents must continue to evaluate and monitor and have conversations with their family about maintaining this balance.

FAST-Family Assessment of Screen Time: each member should think about whether he/she does/doesn't have enough screen time, doesn't have enough, or it falls in between those extremes. Then, members rate their assessment of each other.
1. What made you choose that spot on the line? 2. What do we gain from screen time? How does it help us? 3. what do we lose from screen time? how does it hurt us? 4. how do we know when it is out of balance? what does too much screen time even look like?

Importance of imaginative play: When children engage in imaginative play they talk about activities of their imagined characters, create backstories, and create motivations and dialogue. This "private speech" allows children to work through the challenges, and narratives of their play. Many researchers believe that modern toys and video games lend themselves to less imaginative play, and therefore elicit less private speech. In turn, this may hinder the development of self-regulation, because self-regulation depends at least in part on private speech.

Economics theory and screen use: When applying economic concepts to technology use we can ask ourselves -does the money and time I invest in this screen use build a positive return in terms of happiness? ...At some point, we should receive a positive ROI from our screen use.

In evolutionary terms, we have focused on immediate concerns because these have survival value. We had absolutely no notion of how the fires we lit of the food we gathered affected others because we were focused on surviving ourselves. Thus, it is difficult for us to naturally evaluate long-term consequences of our actions and the same goes with technology use.

On average, we need 5000 steps a day...American's are sedentary 21/24 hours per day...technology use has the potential for us to act much differently than our ancestors, namely we live a much more sedentary lifestyle devoid of personal connection.

The numerous benefits of our screens can come at a cost when we don't meet our needs in an ideal way...a number of researchers have found that individuals who rate their life satisfaction as low and are not getting their needs met in the real world, are more likely to use social media and for longer periods of time than those who report higher levels of life satisfaction...
our technologies should be used to enhance and support our in-person relationships, rather than displace them.

We all respond to supernormal stimuli-we just cannot resist the pull (this is why notifications, etc. pull us way). ex. junk food-we are drawn to fats and sugar as these are rare occurrences in nature but we have modified our food to be supernormal and thus, we are drawn to unhealthy foods primarily.

...texting and social media can be viewed as exaggerated versions of the life-sustaining relationships we were made to engage in...

The density and intensity of need satisfaction access points within gaming and virtual environments as supernormal stimuli. Technology offers exaggerated versions of stimuli to meet our psychological needs. Despite the ability to meet some of our psychological needs within our virtual worlds and through interactive technologies, there is a caution against it's seductive nature which can cause people to be lured away from authentic living. Technology has filled out daily lives with supernormal stimuli. Our cell phones can be seen as an aggregative of access points for supernormal stimuli that active reward centers in the brain also associated with drug addiction.

More pervasive and insidious harm from technology comes with the frequency and amount of our use. Let's say each text, social media posts equals one walnut...the cumulative use of technology use throughout the day might be having a negative effect...just like death by eating a 1000 walnuts.

There are "opportunity costs" associated with screen use. With a finite amount of time in everyday, screen time detracts from opportunities to participate in other important activities.

Numerous studies continue to support a connection between playing violent video games and negative outcomes such as increased aggressive behavior, feelings of hostility, and decreased prosocial behavior. However, the body of research linking violent video game playing and such negative outcomes is not without its critics.

The more we practice at something, the better it is we become. Practicing guitar, or chess, or learning a foreign language for 1 hour/week will only allow us to progress so far....consistent with this idea, some researchers point to a dose-effect with gaming such that the positive and/or negative effects are more likely to appear the more frequently children play these games.

Questions to ask about violent video games:
How old is the child?
How developmentally mature is he/her?
Does he/she have a hx of mental health issues?
Does the child have a hx of aggression and hostility?
Which video game is it?
What is it rated?
What types of violence does it depict? Is it realistic?
Can the child play the role of the bad guy?
What medium or platform is it on?
How long is the child playing the game/day? over what period of time?
Are family members, peers, and community members accepting of violent behaviors and attitudes?

Assessing the impact of screen use on in-person relationships-are we "alone together?"
1. the quality of my relationships with the people in my home is negatively impacted by screen use
2. Smart phone, video game use or other screens interferes with family time?
3. Technology has made it harder to leave work at work.
-what would high qualify family interactions look like?

When our screen use causes us to stray too far from living and interacting in a way that is consistent with our developmental and spiritual heritage, there will be consequences. The most serious of which may be the experience of authentic relationships with others. Technologies are not going away. our mindful use of them is critical.

Collaborative Proactive Solution model for working with teens: humans are intrinsically motivated to meet their psychological needs of relatedness, autonomy, and competence. Rather than emphasizing punishment, this idea is based on the idea that kids do well if they can...struggles of kids and teens are viewed through the lens of skills deficit...parents are encouraged to partner with their children to help them achieve their goals for themselves.

Catch your kids when they are doing good.

Authoritative parenting approach limits set with warmth.

Main preventative approaches (for kids and us)
-wait until technologies are developmentally appropriate before giving your child access to them. Just because they want it, doesn't mean they are ready for the responsibility and challenge that it represents. Avoid allowing your children to become early adopter of technologies.
-turn off as many chimes, buzzes, and push notifications as possible. Even consider turning off social media and text notifications. we want to check these when we want to check them, not when they are telling us to.
-only have 1 screen on at a time. do not watch a movie and look at your phone at the same time.
-when not in use or needed, put the devices away. keep them out of line of sight or hearing range.
-get in the habit of uninterrupted connecting time
-make a habit of unitasking or monotasking-focusing on one activity at a time
-set boundaries around screen use to honor the person or task in front of you
-do not have your phone out when standing in line, walking, watching a game, etc. make friends with those around you
-its okay to be bored-use this time to daydream or introspect
-keep screens out of bedrooms altogether
-put shared computer in study area
-any portable screens should only be in bedrooms up to a certain time of night
-dinner and meal times are sacred spaces-screens should not be present at all; even when someone is eating by themselves-discourage screen use
-assign an area of the house screens are not allowed-i.e. a reading or sitting room
-screens should not be allowed in the bathroom
-cell phones should not be used by the driver at all-even Bluetooth phone calls-phones should be put away
-children should not be allowed screen time in the car, as a standard. travel is about talking, enjoying music, playing games together. possible exceptions for long trips. it is good to enjoy the silence. providing downtime for the mind to wander can result in greater creativity
-no cell phones or devices at restaurants. kids need to learn to manage their behavior without the distraction of screens
-consider having family only devices-not devices for each member of the family

Mindful Engagement with Technology-for our happiness and well being we must learn to engage mindfully with technology. we want to be intentional and strategic with our use of technology, rather than using it mindlessly and habitually. We can get our needs met through MET. Through engaging in this ourselves, we have the opportunity to model appropriate screen use to our children.
broaching technology use in schools:talk about technology at home and school. ex: are students allowed to bring phones to school? if so, what is the extent they are allowed to use them? what about other devices? also tell teachers about your tech use at home and your values and expectations. questions-where does the school/classroom on low tech to high tech? how do you use technology in the classroom? what are you expectations regarding my child's devices? will my child be expected to complete homework assignments using a computer or other digital device? when using technology at school or at home, what recommendations do you have for ensuring students aren't distracted by chatting, social media, games, etc.?

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very helpful book for parents to navigate the bombardment of technology in our households. The authors do a great job of offering practical solutions and a system to put in place to use technology in positive ways while placing boundaries. The book is especially relevant for parents of young children to get good habits and limits established early. I found the chapter about how our brains work and why we are sucked into checking social media and emails and playing games particularly fascinating. Some of our family took the Family Assessment of Screen Time survey, and I was surprised about my son's viewpoint of my screen time, so I actually became more conscientious about my own habits and changed them as well.

[Cher · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was ok, but I think the authors did a "rush job." There was way too much repetition and poorly written explanations. To me, the chapter explaining the reasons that technology does not make us happier was the most helpful and interesting. If I had small children I probably would have been more interested in the parenting sections, which offered good suggestions but seemed somewhat lacking in depth. Pair this book with some of Nicholas Carr's work to get a good understanding of the proper role of technology in our lives

[NCHS Library]

From Follett: Parents often worry about raising kids in a tech-saturated world - the threats of cyberbullying, video game violence, pornography, and sexting may seem inescapable. And while these dangers exist, there is a much more common and subtle way that technology can cause harm: by eroding our attention spans. Focused attention is fundamental to maintaining quality relationships, but our constant interaction with screens and social media is shortening our attention spans - which takes a toll on our personal connections with friends and family and our ability to form real relationships.
Tech Generation: Raising Balanced Kids in a Hyper-Connected World guides parents in teaching their children how to reap the benefits of living in a digital world while also preventing its negative effects. Mike Brooks and Jon Lasser, psychologists with extensive experience working with kids, parents, and teachers, combine cutting-edge research and expertise to create an engaging and helpful guide that emphasizes the importance of the parent-child relationship. They reject an "all or nothing" attitude towards technology, in favor of a balanced approach that neither idealizes nor demonizes the digital. Brooks and Lasser provide strategies for preventing technology from becoming problematic in the first place; steps for addressing problems when they arise; and ways of intervening when problems are out of control. They also discuss the increasingly challenging issue of technology use in schools, and how parents can collaborate with educators when concerns arise over kids' use of technology.

[Maggie Swider · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a parent, I wish this kind of a book was out earlier, when my children were younger. I think the authors do a very good job explaining why it is so hard for all of us to take breaks from technology. I really like that the authors main point is creating relationships, and meeting our basic needs before and during the use of screens. They have very practical advice for young children through teens, which even as a parent of teens now, I find useful. As it was written in 2018, I wonder what updates they would have since the pandemic?

[Alissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this but it didn’t live up. Short on practical too long on research- studies I’m already familiar with and a whole digression on relationships and authoritative parenting. I felt they never fully explained their green, yellow red levels. I got the most out of the FAQ at the end

[Lauren Tomlinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really appreciated the viewpoint of this book and the practical tips that it lays out. This book did not come down on the side of technology being a bad thing, instead, they focused on the balance and how it impacts relationships. I took pictures of several pages to serve as reference for later and I will be putting several limitations they suggest into practice in my home.

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very basic introduction to technology and kids. It has some useful tips, especially in the appendices, but otherwise it lacked practical oomph.

The authors avoided demonizing tech; instead, they emphasized the importance of finding ways to maximize its pros while minimizing its cons. I appreciated this approach.

[Abbie Joiner · Rating 5 out of 5]

this was both enjoyable and IMPORTANT!! LOVED IT, THANK YOU!

[Kylie Brooks · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very basic, but good.

[Ling · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's ok. Nothing new to me.

[BookClub · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty wordy for something that gives you the how to in the first 3 chapters.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good blend of general parenting advice with management of screen time, but little science to back up conclusions. Also comes off a little judgy, despite all the disclaimers about not judging.