The Marriage Knot: 7 Choices that Keep Couples Together

by Ron Zappia, Jody Zappia

What exactly does it take to make marriage strong? Ron and Jody Zappia were on the brink of divorce. It was their first year of marriage and already things were falling apart. They desperately searched for anything that would help. And then, suddenly, everything changed. Today, the Zappias lead The Knot Marriage Conference where they present seven transformative principles that saved their marriage. The Marriage Knot teaches these same principles to new audiences. Full of wisdom, humor, and refreshing transparency, The Marriage Knot unpacks the choices successful couples make. Marriage, like a knot, has to be kept tight.
Left to itself, it loosens over time and can completely unravel. This highly practical book focuses on the everyday decisions you can make to rejuvenate and restore your marriage. Delving into topics like communication, sex, conflict resolution, and more, it offers the tools you need for life-long marriage health. Whether you’re engaged, newlyweds, or seasoned marriage veterans, this book will help make your marriage strong, no matter what pressures attempt to unravel it.

Genres: Marriage

192 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2019

About the author

RON ZAPPIA is the pastor and founder of Highpoint Church, a multi-site church reaching thousands in the western suburbs of Chicago. His teaching ministry, Highpoint Ministries provides comprehensive teaching from God's Word through radio broadcasts that air on over 400 stations around the United States. A graduate of Bowling Green State University and Trinity Evangelical Divinity School, Ron and his wife Jody live in Wheaton, IL with their three daughters: Allie, Erin, and Emily.

Reviews

[Jimmy Reagan · Rating 5 out of 5]

The marriage knot shared in this book ultimately ties the couple to Christ in a “cord of three strands”. Along the way we dig into the seven areas the authors feel are essential to a marriage successfully staying together. Authors Ron and Jody Zappia themselves almost lost their marriage early on because of Ron’s infidelity. Meeting a pastor who introduced them to Christ at that pivotal time avoided the complete shipwreck even if there were gashes in the hull of their relationship. The seven principles are presented as what was slowly learned the hard way, yet still, the revelations that led to a beautiful relationship these many years later.

They teach on these pages with the accurate assumption that we all come to marriage clueless of the most important things that make it work. I found some comfort in that approach as I’m 20 years in and am still learning and am still shocked about how far I have to go. If you are like me, you will appreciate the tone of this book. It’s not heavy-handed, doesn’t talk down to you, and presents its contents with a you-can-do-it attitude.

The book reads as if you were at a marriage conference. While that means it may not have the polish of some marriage books, it communicates personally and clearly.

At this point of a review, I usually discuss the contents of the book but think it better, in this case, to make you wait until you read it to get their 7 principles. You’ll probably think as you read that you could have guessed some of them yourself. It’s not that they present things you’ve never read in other marriage books but that they present them collectively. I’m no expert but they seem to be arguing that you could do several of the seven wonderfully and still loosen your marriage knot by overlooking a few of them. Succeeding in marriage is so challenging that you’ll likely need a lot of good marriage books. I know I do. This book is a fine one to add to your pile.

I received this book free from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

[Ann T · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thank you Moody Publishers and Netgalley for an ARC of this book in return for my honest review.

The authors have been married for over 35 years and use the anology of knots to describe how secure or loose a marriage is. The book describes seven choices to be made in relationships and each chapter goes into detail of each individual choice for a relationship with heavy referencing to bible passages.

This book was difficult for me to relate to as it assumed that a relationship was a triangle of two people and God. This did not resonate with my relationship.

For those with a strong Christian relationshipship on both sides this book could be beneficial. I did not complete this book.

[Syncopated Mama · Rating 5 out of 5]

7 practical choices you can make to rejuvenate your marriage every day!

Whether your marriage is on the rocks or in great shape, it never hurts to invest a bit of time and effort into making it stronger. This practical little book focuses on the intentional decisions you can make to rejuvenate your marriage every day.

My husband and I often use books or workshops to direct our conversations during our weekend marriage "workouts" (when we exercise our marriage muscles to ensure that the little things don't get away from us). This title is exactly the type of book we look for to help us out.

It's a super-quick read (only about 170 pages), is organized in a way that lends itself to weekly discussion topics and is written in an easy voice that's full of Ron & Jody Zappia's transparency about their own marriage.

You and your spouse could read through a chapter each week, then come together to share which points jumped out at you, or you could read through each chapter together, stopping to complete the online marriage assessments as you come to them and finishing each day's time with the chapter's discussion questions found in back of the book.

Or, you could spread out your work with this book over a greater span of time and spend the next seven+ months working your way through each of the seven choices presented. This makes loads of sense to me, as the authors have included multiple "keys" to focus on within each chapter, making it easy to split each of those into a separate marriage session.

Along with this book's wonderful organization, I really appreciate its compact size and the simple way it boils down the material. No one has the time these days to spend hours leisurely digesting a hefty tome before spending more (& more important!) time discussing it all with a spouse.

This book does just what my husband says all great homilies should: 1) Get attention, 2) Make a point, 3) Get out. Ron & Jody streamline their advice without stripping it down -- they say what they need to, provide a bit of personal background to make it sink in, then move on to the next point.

Covering topics like communication, sex, conflict resolution and more, this book offers you the tools you need for life-long marriage health.

Another simple touch that I appreciate is the use of color throughout the text.

It's not full of full-color flash, but that little change in color helps to make the book more organized and allows me to "get in and get out" quickly, taking away what's really important from the text.

This time of year brings love and marriage to mind -- why not invest a bit more in your relationship with your spouse and work through this book together? Grab a copy and start working on those everyday choices that keep couples together!

I received a free copy of this product from Moody Publishers in exchange for writing a review. All opinions are my own.

[Debbie Borge · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first heard Pastor Ron Zappia's sermon series "The Knot" in 2014 and my marriage benefited from putting the 7 choices into practice. I was so encouraged by the results in my marriage I purchased CDs of the series as Christmas gifts for my siblings. Now that The Marriage Knot: 7 choices that keep couples together has been published as a book I preordered 4 copies and was thrilled when they arrived in time for Christmas gifts for my children and other family members. As a bonus I got to read it before wrapping it. This book takes the simple and biblically basic choices for tightening the marriage knot to a new level. Ron and Jody share their story in a relatable and readable style. Each choice is backed by clear Scripture teaching. Included in the book are time out assessments that allow the reader to evaluate their own marriage in regard to the topic covered in the chapter. At the end of each chapter Jody Zappia shares her insight and practical ways to tighten the marriage knot. Small group discussion questions for each chapter are included in the back of the book and can be shared as a couple or in a small study group.
While the 7 choices are intended to help couples tighten their marriage knot, applying many of these choices in everyday situations will improve relationships with family, friends, and coworkers. I highly recommend The Marriage Knot: 7 choices that keep couples together.

[Deborah Flora · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book shares the story of Ron & Jody Zappia. Close to the end of their first year of marriage, they found the knot they’d tied was unraveling and frayed and dropping them towards the brink of divorce. But by choosing to let God work in them and their marriage, by choosing forgiveness, by choosing intentional work in their marriage, it survived. Not only survived, but thrived and today they share what they learned to bring hope and help to others.

I love this sentence from the book.
“They quickly learned that great marriages don’t happen by accident.”

This book is written about marriage and it’s a beautiful testimony and encouragement for marriage relationships. But the concepts quite honestly can be invested in all areas of our lives and grow us in living in Christ and glorifying Him with our words, actions and bodies.

It’s a great read! Conversational and easy-to-read, but filled with depth at the same time.

I received a copy of this book to review and all opinions are 100% my own.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

As someone who has known Ron and Jodi since 2002, I can confirm that they both are deeply invested in helping hurting people and specifically strengthening marriages. My husband and I were fortunate to have Ron officiate our wedding in 2003 and in the years since, have been blessed by Ron's teaching. The Gospel is presented in a non-threatening way, making this book great for people who don't consider themselves Christians yet are open to what God might teach them. Not only is this book sound and Biblically based, it's also transparent and refreshingly honest. Ron and Jodi want to see marriages restored and wrote this book as a plan to do just that.
Whether you're going through a rough patch in your marriage or just looking to deepen your relationship with your spouse, this book will pay dividends for years to come. Great wedding gift, too.

[Ian Minielly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read about a dozen books on marriage and I think this is one of the most practical for couples. The author and his wife do not pretend they have all the answers and the author nearly destroyed his marriage and his wife's faithfulness and his humility saved their marriage and changed their lives.

They propose seven steps and processes to make your marriage better. Most of these are on the same line as other marriage books, but I appreciated this book more than others and I do not know why. There was nothing new I have no read before. Perhaps it was the place the author was coming from, I do not know. I will consult this book in the future with marriage counseling and weddings.

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mostly generic Christian marriage advice. I think the framing of 7 key choices was generally good, but the specific advice was lacking. Plenty of “love and respect” male headship emphasis.

But I was really bothered by the weight placed on the woman’s shoulders in the marriage. They talk some about the husbands infidelity, but most of the examples in the book are why the wife needed to be forgiving and let go. Then the sex chapter was all about how withholding sex is a big sin. I think the book needed more pastoral care. I wouldn’t recommend it.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the brief time that I attended Highpoint Church (was still Harvest Naperville at the time), which is why I figured I would enjoy Ron Zappia’s book. Indeed, it’s written the way he preaches, with bullet points, plenty of alliteration, and the truth you need to hear! I got a lot out of this even as a single person.

[LovelyLyshia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book started out as a slow read for me. It does have some really good information, and I would recommend this book. I changed the time that I was reading this book, and I got into the book a lot more. Initially, I was trying to read before bed, but that was not the best option for me.

[Maresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not the best book I've ever read on Christian marriage, but definitely one I recommend for those who are already married and have struggled through some hardships. I appreciate the honesty of the authors of their own challenges.

[Shawna DeCola · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy and quick read- but transformational and helpful info for every marriage!! Recommending this book to all couples!

[Sidon Cottle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just finished going through this book with my wife. It’s very practical, the principles are simple and easy to apply in the strength that God supplies.

[Dinah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Many good Biblical teachings and advice about marriage, but mixed in with some decision theology.

[Dora Okeyo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Given the recent studies that show concern on marriage as an institution, this book is very practical and does not shy away from calling out the decisions or actions that couples make that negatively influence relationships.
I liked how the authors drew from their own experiences and shared what worked for them and what did not. I would recommend this to any couple regardless of whether they are married or not, because this book addresses decision-making more and thought processes which I feel influence anyone in a relationship.
Thank you Netgalley for the eARC.

[Terrie Case · Rating 3 out of 5]

This marriage self-help book is based on the authors’ long marriage. They are forthcoming about the hard work relationships take and what may help or guide them.

My favorite Biblical passage is used by the authors which is Ecclesiastes 4: God’s vision for the bond of marriage. They explain what that passage means, such as that two are easier kept from the cold when they can share their body heat rather than trying to combat the cold alone.

I found the overview of the seven choices of the marriage knot to be particularly helpful. I liked that they were presented as choices instead of something that must be done. The choices are recognized as hard things that do not happen overnight. It notes that we lives in times where we expect instant gratification and have answers at our fingertips from Siri or Alexis. Marriage doesn’t work that way.

The authors do not shy away from dealing with the aspect of sex. They state, “When it comes to sex, men see it one way and women see it another! No question about it. What we want to do in this chapter is to take a moment and ask the more important question, ‘How does God see it?’”

The tenets found in this book may be a bit strict for some readers but the authors support their assertions with quotes from the Bible. If you are looking to grow your relationship with one another through God, the Bible is the best resource. The authors give their interpretation of how such old ideas apply to us.


I received an ARC through NetGalley in exchange for an honest opinion. This in no way affects my opinion or rating of this book.

[Tonya · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Marriage Knot written by Ron and Jody Zappia, is a well written, concise Biblical based book on marriage.The authors' long marriage lends strength to their advice and stories about how to have a successful marriage.

The seven choices are presented with scriptural references and personal stories and application to help build a stronger foundation to stand the tests that come with marriage. I thought the book was well written.

Table of Contents:

Introduction

1 Choose to Grow Spiritually
2 Choose to Love Unconditionally
3 Choose to Serve Sacrificially
4 Choose to Please Regularly
5 Choose to Persevere Persistently
6 Choose to Communicate Respectfully
7 Choose to Bless Abundantly




Included in The Marriage Knot is a small group discussion guide in the back with questions for each section of the book which can be for a couple, or a small faith based group.

[Julia · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book started off really well and I was hooked by the first couple of chapters. However, as it continued on, I was disappointed with it's very complimentarian approach and the way they dove into marriage from that perspective. I found it very challenging to glean from the rest of the book after they painted this picture.

[Nancy Larimer · Rating 5 out of 5]

"The Marriage Knot" is by Ron and Jody Zappia. It is a practical book focusing on their 7 principles for marriage success. They share their struggles in their marriage and then share how to strengthen a marriage. The book is rich, and filled with good Christian principles. Ron starts out writing the chapter and his wife shares in the end from her perspective. I would highly recommend this book. It is a good tool for any marriage and for counselors. I appreciate the publisher allowing me to read and review this book. I will be posting my review on Amazon, Goodreads, facebook, my blog and with pastors and others at my church.