Mixed Feelings: Poems and Stories

by Avan Jogia

From actor Avan Jogia comes a raw and moving collection of poetry, stories, and art about living as a mixed-race person in a world increasingly fixated on racial identity.

In Mixed Feelings, Avan Jogia explores his complicated emotions around race, identity, religion, and family through poetry and imagery. Drawing on the author's own life story as well as interviews he's conducted with friends and strangers, Mixed Feelings serves as a dialogue starter for difficult topics that now, more than ever, need to be discussed. 

Genres: Poetry, Nonfiction, Memoir, Race, Short Stories, Contemporary, Social Issues

144 pages, Paperback

First published September 17, 2019

Reviews

[Mallory · Rating 5 out of 5]

I felt all of these stories with my whole mixed-race heart.

[alexandra · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is such a beautiful intimacy of allowing readers to get to know the duality of being a mixed child - Avan’s words juxtaposed against those that wrote in to him provides a great account into what it really feels like to grow up mixed race (and I’m not just saying this because I am one of those whose words are featured in the book). While I wish the poems would have been slightly longer in length, a considerable amount of them struck a chord with me in so many ways - my notable favourites are Miss Universe and The Kids Aren’t All White.

Mixed Feelings is a gift from a mixed kid’s perspective, an insight to those curious of how variations in ethnicity and cultural differences may have affected us in a myriad of ways.

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

The ARC of this book was provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This is a poetry collections that mainly explores what it means to be a mixed-race person in a world who is constantly trying to put everyone in a single and defining box. Told through multiple voices this book explores this theme alongside others, such as religion, violence, bullying, and love. The collection also offers some pictures from Avan Jogia’s childhood which are featured in some of his poems. The colours used compliment the poems so well and they truly add something more to this work. I was pleasantly surprised by this book and it gave me a lot to reflect on.

[Megan ♡ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not gonna lie, I only got this from Netgalley because I used to love Victorious so much (and pretend to fancy Avan Jogia when really I fancied Liz Gillies). But I was pleasantly surprised by this. It was powerful and I loved the use of colour and illustrations - it set it apart from other collections like this. I think Avan Jogia did a good job with discussing important topics such as race and gender and I recommend checking this out.

[Heavana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Talks a lot about his family and race/ religion

[Valerie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally fully read this after meeting Avan at the festival of books a few months ago 😅 super unique and very interesting to read as a fellow mixed person

[Jenna Mia · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Received this from Net Galley for review.)

A fresh and interesting exploration of race and culture (as well as gender, religion etc.) as told through many perspectives of "mixed race" individuals woven together skillfully with the author's poetry that forces us to look at how divisive labels can be and asks us to look beyond them at that which is innately human and connects us all. Full of anger, hope and beauty, this collection of poems is sure to stay with you.

[Tarisha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Being raised in a multicultural environment and having a unique name... at times, I related to certain things in this book. Other times, it riled me up and made me want to meet these people and the author to discuss what was said. All in all, that might have been the author's objective, to start a discussion, provoke thought.
I truly enjoyed it.

[Athena · Rating 5 out of 5]

i don't usually cry while reading books but this book was just So validating. there were a few stories and poems i really connected with and i wish i had this when i was in elementary and high school. thank u avan jogia thank u v much

[Alexis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this book. I felt like I was reading art.

[Maeve · Rating 3 out of 5]

A1 for effort and I like the sentiment and themes, but sadly not the poetry.

It was great that Jogia interviewed different people and included their points of view within his poetry collection - but confusing at first, as the shifting perspectives are not explained beforehand and we simply start jumping from one person’s history to another’s, confused as to why they’re all written in the same style.

Sadly, that style just wasn’t for me. I felt that it was trying too hard to rhyme, and that some of the repetition was unnecessary.

There were a few poems which I genuinely enjoyed, however. Jogia’s loving descriptions of his family are touching, and the anger induced by being told what you are by people who don’t even know you is palpable. As a person who isn’t mixed race, I found that Jogia made it accessible for everyone right from the very first page: he speaks out against the necessity for polarisation of all different kinds in society.

I was able to sympathise with what Jogia was saying, but sadly I don’t think it brought too much to the table that’s not already there. Some of the poems repeated the same mantras over and over, and some of those mantras have already been repeated over and over by other people. It’s necessary, yes; but I prefer to see more facts and historical information in general. There was some of that but not too much.

I really didn’t like one particular poem, which spoke of ‘a bunch of pimple-faced 16-year-old girls’ as part of a negative setting. This poem is called ‘Nice’, and the poem on the following page is called ‘My Complex Complexion’. This juxtaposition worries me - perhaps Jogia feels that colour is the only thing about a complexion which can be complex and form part of a person’s identity.

I’m going to include several of the shorter poems I did like below - few among the majority which weren’t spectacular, but again I admire Jogia’s intentions in writing this which overall were
excellent.


'Science Fiction Kids'

Nichelle Nichols and William Shatner shared the first interracial kiss to be televised in US history. It was broadcast on November 22, 1968, on the 'Star Trek' episode 'Plato's Stepchildren.'

It's important to note
that 'Star Trek’ is the only show
Brother Martin let his children watch.

It's also important to note
that 'Star Trek' is what gave us
sliding doors.

Sci-fi has always been there
for people of color
and for mixed kids.

Sci-fi told me I could become an actor.

Keanu Reeves in 'The Matrix'
made me think I could dodge bullets.

Turns out I can.

And so can you.


'I am Change made Flesh I am War Drums Beat!'

It empowers me to think that I'm
a product of love without borders.
A breakage of barriers. A 'fuck you'
to cultural norms.

Your blood is a brick through
the window.
Your blood is a burning riot van.
Your blood is a 'fuck you' to
assumption and expectation.
Your blood is a Molotov cocktail of
bright white heat.
Your blood is a message to those
pricks in the street.

'I am change made flesh!' you can
scream.
'I am war drums beat.'


'My Matriarchy Mantra'

I was raised on the rhetoric of women which
seemed like gods to me.
They sang songs of their souls and I watched them from the
crowd, wide-eyed and enamoured.

These women raised me.

Emily Haines
Kim Gordon
Erykah Badu
Lilith
Sylvia Plath
Laura Marling
Poly Styrene
Nina Simone
Aphrodite
Kathleen Hanna
Lauryn Hill
Phoolan Devi
Artemis
and My Mother
at the center of this shrine
to holy female divine.

Mother Mary is on the crosstown as Mary Magdalene does
crosswords on the L-train to Brooklyn and Sophia the goddess of
wisdom pulls coffee in Austin and Kali is finishing her law degree
and Hera has divorced Zeus and is finding herself in Argentina as
Athena is opening her art installation at the LACMA this weekend.

Ishtar is taking a sexual studies degree at Berkeley that she'll never use


'My Father.'

I see now how brave you were, to stand there, marrying
the person you love, the person you've been with now
for thirty-plus years. The person you have children with.

How brave you were to say,
'This is the woman I love,' staring at her in your suit.
The first person in our family
to marry outside of the culture,
you were a path forward for many.
You built that path and made us.

Thank you for being brave.
Thank you for holding out through the judgment.

Thank you for creating this temple,
this family,
for us.

I love you.

[Rachel Nicole Wagner · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I am not half of anything. I am whole.”
This books opened my eyes to so many feelings I have felt before in my own life and my own identity that I didn’t even realize I had. It is one of my favorite overall pieces of work I’ve ever written. My sister recommended it to me and let me borrow her copy and returning it to her felt like a goodbye I didn’t want to say yet. I will definitely be purchasing my own copy to keep and return to in the future. I may even buy a few copies to hand out to come of the precious people in my life I know will identify with it.
Love. Love. Love. Love this!

~xo,
Rach
🫶🏻

[Marisa Edmondson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well I def felt seen by this. Very beautiful, also sad but also beautiful & powerfull! Loved how is was not just a collection of poems from one mixed kid but stories and poems from all types of mixed kids from all types of backgrounds. But wow this made me miss having a community who gets it & my #teammixed fam from Midd :'( <3

[Isabella · Rating 4 out of 5]

this is an important read to widen your perspective beyond your own, but it also has some relevatory aspects for your relationship with yourself.
the writing was so poetic and dripped with raw vulnerability.
i loved this

[claire · Rating 5 out of 5]

this was really good. avan jogia is not only my favorite tiktok creator, but he is also a really talented writer. on multiple occasions i was struck by how stunning his writing was. he has such a grasp of internal rhyme structure and prose. that skill tied with the themes of identity and race is really powerful.

[sophie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lighthearted, engaging and educational.
A great way to raise awareness of the discrimination that unfortunately still exists in a widespread way.
Such a beautiful way to tell your story.

[Leah B. Wagner · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think it should be mandatory for everyone in America, if not the world, to read this book. It is stunning. There is a sense of purity throughout each poem and story.
I love every single page in this little book. It will remain on my bookshelf to be re-read over and over until the day I die (and my children better keep it in the family).
Needless to say, 10/10.

[Katarina Dimitrescu March · Rating 5 out of 5]

talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender, s*** on it, vomit on it, eat it, give birth to it.

[Priya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read for mixed and non-mixed folks alike (very validating for those who are mixed). I really enjoyed the variety of perspectives Avan sourced for this book and the ties to love and family.

[Rita · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really beautiful interior both poetically and visually. Loved that this included a number of submissions and voices from many mixed race individuals and not just Avan, as you are able to hear from different perspectives and are shown how diverse and wide ranging it means to be mixed race. The art and photographs of Avan and his family and various contributors was such a great addition. However, I did feel that some of the poems just felt like filler and weren't particularly poignant and fell a bit flat.

[Si Long Chan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've never read anything that's spoken to my own mixed race experiences as much as this before. 'I am not half of anything. I am a full being' is a mantra to live by.

[Aanab · Rating 5 out of 5]

The reason why I gave this book five stars was because of the diversity in it. The mention of problems a lot of us faced at times. It portrays the message and the struggles of the mixed, "foreign", etc. so beautifully. I read the whole book in just one sitting, surprised that I finished it so quickly.

[Sarah Rosario · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a person of mixed race myself, "Mixed Feelings" really resonated with me. The tug of war of identifying as one or the other is both empowering and compromising. Pride in both and yet fearful to be too much of either. The images and language in these pages brings to light a lot of those feelings. It also sheds light on other factors that continue to promote divisiveness and at times unity. While poetry might not be everyone's cup of tea, the subject matter is important.

*This book was an ARC provided by the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[dayshawna ㅤᵕ̈ · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVE. & i could read this book again and again. i always say it, as i will do for every review but, this is all a matter of opinion and my own personal interest for poetry and people. firstly, i love avan as a creative, a musician, a poet/writer/storyteller, an actor and a human, so that fuels my love for this book. on top of that, the idea of race and understanding individuals personal feelings and experiences is something very important to me. furthermore, i loved the way it was written so humanely with avan’s benevolence for others stories and with this immense feeling that i have through poetry when people express their own way of life, opinions, and connections. this is something that feels so personal; a world unknown to me that i was let into to understand others hardships and reality, and i respected and enjoyed this. plus the album by avan and his brother ketan (saint ivory) with one of the same name and basis of the book is equally amazing as well.

[Lorenzo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally got to finish this! I got it for Avan lol. I liked it, but I will say that I guess I went in expecting more? I don’t think any of the poems were bad, but not all of them were great. But there were definitely a few standout ones for me that I loved.

I really loved reading the personal stories from him and everyone who contributed. It was nice to read different perspectives and the similarities between people who were of different racial mixes. I also liked a lot of the pictures that he incorporated in the book.

Overall an enjoyable read!

[Correna Dillon · Rating 3 out of 5]

I can remember 2ish years ago Avan Jogia reaching out for contributions for this then untitled project about multiculturalism. I really liked some of the poems and stories. However, compilations like this are always a mixed bag. The purpose behind the book was really inspiring and touching. The stories themselves were interesting even if they were not always very poetically written. The stories ranged from nostalgic and proud to resentful and political. A great first book and I hope he continues writing and I can see an evolution in his poetic abilities.

[bianca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this collection of poems and stories from fellow mixed folk. I've never really read any type of story or book that talked about the complexities and ~feelings~ and ~thoughts~ that I felt as a mixed kid growing up (and still do today) which was *so* nice to see in this. I really loved this. Fullness and wholeness was something discussed in this collection a lot and that's exactly how I felt reading it. Full and whole.

[Nashiya · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a mixed person some of these poems and stories were incredibly relatable and some opened my eyes to others experience. The drawings were beautiful and totally added to the experience of reading it. I would recommend that everyone read it.

[Jennifer P · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recommend this to any person with mixed heritage. Mixed myself, I resonated with a lot of the stories and poems. It's good to know we're not alone and that being mixed doesn't mean you're separate parts of a whole. We are whole people and that matters. We matter.

[Ajay Sawant · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely adore the writing style of Avan. The poems in the book are very insightful and will shake you. This is a definite read. I believe Avan is voice of our generation today fighting against racism

We need this book so badly today.