Jetzt ist alles, was wir haben

by Amy Giles, Amy Giles

Sei die Beste. Und wenn nötig, sei unsichtbar.

Mit diesem Credo hat Hadley McCauley in ihrer Familie gelernt zu überleben. Perfekte Schülerin, perfekte Sportlerin, perfekte Tochter: Nur so kann sie ihren Vater bei Laune halten. Denn hinter der makellosen Fassade der McCauleys verbirgt sich ein hässliches Geheimnis. Um ihre kleine Schwester Lila vor dem unberechenbaren Vater zu schützen, tut Hadley alles. Doch dann tritt Charlie Simmons in ihr Leben und zwischen den beiden entwickelt sich eine verzweifelt-intensive Beziehung. Unterdessen eskaliert daheim die Gewalt, und Hadleys Strategie, nichts preiszugeben, greift nicht mehr. Doch auch als es zur Katastrophe kommt, schweigt sie ...

Genres: Young Adult, Contemporary, Romance, Mental Health, Realistic Fiction, Fiction, Abuse

401 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 7, 2017

About the author

Amy Giles is a young adult author. Her debut novel, Now Is Everything, was the 2018 winner of the prestigious Buxtehude Bulle award (Jetzt ist alles, was wir haben), a Bank Street Best Children's Book of 2017, and a Georgia Peach Book Award Nominee. Her sophomore novel, That Night, was a Junior Library Guild Gold Standard award. She lives on an Island that is Long with her husband, two daughters, and rescue dog.


Praise for NOW IS EVERYTHING

“Powerful and haunting, Now Is Everything explores the complexities of family and abuse, as we follow one girl on her courageous journey to choose love over hate and hope over fear.” —Amber Smith, New York Times bestselling author of The Way I Used to Be

“Hadley is living the hidden, complex life that so many young people know - a teenager trapped inside her dysfunctional family. This beautiful and sad book will push you toward an unexpected conclusion. You won’t be able to put this novel down.” —Peter Brown Hoffmeister, author of Too Shattered For Mending

“An incredibly powerful and moving debut that is not to be missed, Now Is Everything tackles the tragic reality and heartbreak of familial abuse that will haunt you long after you’ve turned the last page. This book is a must read and Hadley’s story is way too important to not be shared; I cannot sing enough praise for Amy Giles and her gorgeous debut.” —Erin L. Schneider, author of Summer of Sloane

“Now Is Everything is equal parts heartbreaking, unflinching, and hopeful. Hadley’s story will no doubt reach readers who need it.” —Kara Thomas, author of The Darkest Corners and Little Monsters

Reviews

[Emma Giordano · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars. Wow this book truly blew me away! Incredible moving story I encourage everyone to read.

TW: child abuse & domestic abuse (physical & emotional), suicide/self-harm

This story really got to me, like, bawling on the Long Island Rail Road “got to me”. It features graphic depictions of abuse and it’s lingering effects on victims, making it an immensely difficult story to read. Hadley’s pain, her sacrifices, her guilt, and her anger felt all too real. She is an immensely strong-willed character that I’m sure many can unfortunately relate to, but hopefully even more can look up to. She is a true survivor and I feel so satisfied to have heard her story, the story of millions of others.

Now is Everything definitely features a romance starting from insta love. Insta love does not bother me in the way that it does other readers. I remember what it is like to be a teen and to fall in love so fast, so I don’t think it is entirely unrealistic every time. I will say, I love Charlie as a love interest and an individual character. We need more boys in YA that are respectful, honest, sensitive, reliable, and a genuinely good person. Charlie naturally feels helpless towards Hadley’s situation, but he does not cease his attempts to do the right thing and make a difference. He is a really admirable character in my opinion. Though Hadley and Charlie become serious very fast (a fact that characters in the novel make note of), I do think they have a sweet relationship built on mutual trust, healthy attitudes towards each other, and authentic care for one another. Despite the insta love, which is kind of the point in the story, this is a relationship I would love to see more in YA because this is what people should be aiming for in real life

This book is told in two parts “then” – where Hadley & her family are experiencing the abuse during her senior year as well as the growth of her relationship with Charlie, and now – after a plane crash where Hadley is in the hospital and the truth of all of the events in “then” is coming out. I did not enjoy the “now” chapters as much; They are more infrequent and significantly shorter/less eventful, but they are still crucial to the story and I was pleased with how well they were woven into each other.

The only real critique I have arose at the beginning of the novel (but pretty much disappeared by the end of the story) is that I could tell the author is an adult writing a story about teens, which is a big pet peeve of mine in YA. There were just some conversations and responses that felt like an older person trying to write younger. Specifically, this came up in a lot of conversations about sex in the story (There is one scene about practicing safe sex which I was SUPER pleased to see, yet the next sentence suggests that condoms are not necessary when using birth control if your partner gets tested which I do not agree with & it was unclear to me if the protagonist elects to use a condom in the end, so I was a little conflicted with that particular moment.) This is a fairly harmless criticism, I find it annoying to recognize but it really does not influence the story that much. Like I previously mentioned, as the story intensifies, that quirk really does go away so I wanted to mention it, but it did not have a huge impact on my reading experience.

In total, Now is Everything is an extremely emotional story I would definitely recommend. It’s hard to fully sum up the impact of this novel, so you’ll just have to read it for yourself.

[s · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an underrated masterpiece. Y'all are sleeping hard on this book, but you SHOULDN'T. This book is so awe-inspiring, captivating, deep, emotional and haunting. It's one of those books that leave a long lasting impression on you and I don't think I'll ever forget what this book did to me. It affected me so deeply, I am shaking.

It's such a heartbreaking book about a seventeen year old girl that grew up in an emotional/physically abusive household. It's about a girl who never had the freedom to make choices for herself. Who always took a beating and could never be good enough for a father that never cared for her. Who was forced to do things she didn't want to. Who lived in constant fear and anxiety of how bad her father would break her little sister and force her to grow up a way no child should, a way she grew up. Who was afraid to speak up and get help.

Now Is Everything is a story told in two time periods: then and now. In then, we read about Hadley struggling to live life the way she wants under her abusive father. We read about how Hadley's father has controlled every aspect of her life, from what she eats, what she does in her free time to who she hangs out with and who she "shouldn't."

Now is what's happening in the present. Somehow there has been a plane crash, that kills Hadley's family, leaving her to be the only survivor from the crash. In the hospital, Hadley tries to commit suicide and refuses to talk about what led to the crash and what happened on that plane. As I was reading, I noticed that there were more then chapters than the now and once the ending came, everything that happened then was slowly revealing the ending and what really happened that day.

"I'm a million shattered pieces. Tiny shards that will cut anyone who tries to clean up my mess."

Hadley is such a precious character. She's one of the most strong and beautiful characters I've ever read about. Every day, waking up for Hadley in an abusive home was so hard and fearful. She was always anxious, pretending everything was okay around others and lived in constant fear of how not to make her father angry. She wants to protect her younger sister's innocence from her father and keep the attention on herself. It broke my heart what she went through living with that monster. She always had to lie to her closest friends because she just can't tell them what's going on. How she's afraid her father will kill her and hurt her sister if she did. She has no one she can rely on. Her alcoholic mother defends her father's abuse and is a victim of abuse herself to her husband.

Charlie Simmons is Hadley's longtime crush and soon her boyfriend. They fall in love FAST and honestly? I found them super adorable and soft. Their relationship is so healthy and sweet and it was something light in this heavy novel. Charlie is respectful of Hadley's decisions and never pressured her into anything she doesn't want to. He's loyal to her and was always there for her in her hardest times. Just like Hadley, he lives with an alcoholic mother who left an abusive husband and now struggles financially. His mom is ridiculed and shamed by the other woman in town and it seriously made me angry how gross and disgusting some people treat others.

His mom is made fun of for working as a waitress and drinking. It seriously makes me angry how people shame others for things they can't control. You are a piece of shit human for making fun of the way someone lives, looks or what they do. Instead of shaming others, be kind and helpful to them. You never know what someone is going through and the last thing they need is an asshole making their lives even worse.

There's also talk about safe sex which is a very important topic to be discussed in YA. There's two or three scenes where Hadley and her friend talk about her going on the pill, what type of pill she should use, using condoms and getting Charlie tested to prevent pregnancies and making sure you're clean. This is literally nonexistent in YA and NA and seriously needs to be discussed more because it is SO important. It made me so happy to read about this.

Once Charlie and Hadley started dating, Hadley went through the "I'll ignore my bffs and family and focus only on my boyfriend" trope which is SUPER ANNOYING, but she was always called out on it whenever this happened so that's a plus.

Hadley's relationship with her younger ten year old sister is so soft and precious. They have so much love for each other and Hadley is always there to protect and watch out for her. There is so much focus on their relationship and how much they care for each other, it warmed my heart. They did have arguments and fights, but that's normal and healthy and what's important is that at the end of the day, they understood what was wrong and made up. I love them so much. I just wanted to wrap them both in blankets and make sure nothing bad would ever hurt them.

I'm so fucking glad this book exists and that I read it because holy shit, it seriously taught me a life lesson. Books that are able to change me as a person for the better and educate me about things that I was so ignorant and clueless on are the best kind of books.

This was sad. Very sad, but it's so damn real. Abuse -any kind of abuse- happens every day, in front of our own eyes, but some of choose to stay silent. This book taught me to speak out. Don't stay silent. Talk to someone, get help. If you see the signs of abuse happening to someone you know or even a stranger, don't look the other way and ignore it. It can save someone's life and change it for the better.

The author's note talked about how important the topic of abuse is and how abuse can happen anywhere. Whether you're rich or poor, no matter your race, religion, abuse can happen. She also left a lot of emergency numbers you can call if you need to. I loved the author's note so much.

I'll leave some numbers and links below:

The National Domestic Violence Hotline- 1-800-787-3224
https://www.womenshealth.gov/relation...
The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline- 1-800-422-4453
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline- 1-800-273-8255
Help Prevent Suicide- https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org...

Whatever you're going through, know that you are loved and I care. If anyone ever needs to talk, don't hesitate to message me. ❤️❤️❤️💕💕💕

Trigger Warnings: child abuse, physical/emotional abuse, bullying, mention and attempts of suicide, self-harm, death, body-shaming and alcoholism.

[Lit with Leigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

b2b 5-star book outlet reads 😮

THE PLOT

To an outsider, 17-year-old Hadley seemingly has it all: a rich family, good grades, and is the captain of her high school's lax team. But none of it matters to Hadley; all she wants is to protect her sister from her deranged father.

MY OPINION

I want to be clear here: this is 5 stars because I connected deeply with the story. If you do not relate/connect/care for this story, I can't ensure you will enjoy it as much as I did And yes, usually I give 3 ratings for writing, plot, and ending—but tbh I feel that's unfair because I was so swayed by my connection to this story, I didn't give two stanky dog poops if the writing was garbagio or not.

This book WRECKED me emotionally. Amy Giles nailed it. I want to give every girl or boy who relates to Hadley a big ass hug—and that's saying something because my love language is don't fucking touch me. Books like this are so important for young readers; it reminds us that we're not alone and puts things into perspective. When you're so deep in the trauma trenches, you're convinced you can do something to make your abuser "see the light". Maybe you need to talk less, work harder, somehow read their mind and anticipate their every whim... but when you step back and read this book, you realize NOTHING will satisfy a lunatic. And as a child, there really isn't an escape until you're 18, which makes reading your story so important. It can get you through those dark days.

Anyways. No snark here. If you relate to Hadley, you'll relate to this book. Also if your first reaction is "at least she has money"... that's addressed in the book. YES, money makes life easier, but it doesn't make the ass whoopings designer.

PROS AND CONS

Pros: I connected to this book like an iPhone to a macbook

Cons: the ending was unrealistic; the author obvi wanted to end of a good note and give Hadley and Lila some reprieve, but IRL, you're grinding in the trenches until you discover therapy and freedom

Book outlet reads
#1 - The Reunion
#2 - One Step Behind
#3 - The Scholar
#4 - Possession
#5 - The Loyalties

[destiny ♡ howling libraries · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our now may be nothing compared to the billions of years and stars that make up the universe, but maybe now is all we can ask for.

Now Is Everything is a story told in two times: then and now. Then, we watch Hadley struggle through life with an abusive father, doing everything she can to protect her younger sister, and sacrificing anything it takes to live life to the fullest - having friends, falling in love - without suffering her father's wrath.

Now, Hadley is a patient in a hospital, having narrowly survived the plane crash that took her family.

→ hadley ←
I'm a million shattered pieces. Tiny shards that will cut anyone who tries to clean up my mess.

Hadley is one of the best narrators I've had the pleasure of reading in a contemporary novel in a while. When I was close to giving up on ever genuinely adoring another contemporary title, this book came along, and I fell so in love with Hadley's voice. Despite the misery that is her home life, she is so incredibly strong and fiercely protective of her younger sister.

Hadley's trauma and PTSD are portrayed so believably; while it doesn't saturate her every waking thought, it's easy to see that each and every choice Hadley makes is influenced by her fear and hatred of her father. Through it all, though, she learns to fall in love and to trust.

→ then versus now ←
I feel alive - excruciatingly, painfully alive.

If you tallied up the word counts, I think we spent a lot more time in the then stage than the now, but maybe that's just because I found myself so incredibly anxious during the then chapters.

It's so interesting, in the beginning of the book, to watch the times change and try to decipher exactly what happened that made Hadley who she is now. You find yourself desperate to know what has brought this girl to attempt suicide now? Her attempt is a perfect example of how traumatic abuse is: even when one escapes it, it lingers with us, always.

→ mr. mccauley ←
Pain is quickly forgotten. It's the violence I always remember. The rage. The hate.

Every moment of Hadley's life is pure struggle for survival between fights with her father, and I had to put the book down and focus on other things a few times because the dread was too much. That's not a bad thing; this book is just intense! Mr. McCauley is positively terrifying, and while he never really takes you off-guard, you can't help but cringe every time the hammer strikes.

The abuse isn't purely physical or verbal; it's also emotional and mental, particularly in the way Hadley's father realizes he can hurt his eldest daughter by turning his attention on the youngest, Lila. Hadley's younger sister is so innocent and precious and strong-willed, and I spent so much of this book positively begging for nothing to happen to her. Every glare or threat from their father made my heart ache horribly.

→ charlie ←
That's when I realize Charlie isn't a quitter. Charlie's a survivor.

To keep this book from being too soul-crushing, there is a light spot in Hadley's memories: Charlie Simmons, the sweet first love who's offered Hadley an escape from her nightmares. The romance is definitely a strong theme in this book, but felt more like a sub-plot rather than the main focus, which I appreciated - this isn't the kind of story that needs to be sugarcoated with nonstop cutesy love scenes and kisses.

→ abuse & suicidal attempts ←

If abuse and/or suicidal thoughts in books put you in a bad place, please think long and hard before picking this book up. I have never loved a book so thoroughly while simultaneously so strongly feeling that some of my loved ones should not read it (unless they're in a very good place and prepared for a lot of self-care afterwards). This book is important, it is beautiful, it is heartbreaking, it is devastating, but most of all... it is terrifying, intense, and painful.

Amy Giles has spun an incredibly touching story and I will absolutely pick up future releases from her.

Content warnings: severe abuse, PTSD, attempted suicide, eating disorders, self-harm, body-shaming.

All quotes are taken from an unfinished ARC and may differ from the final release. Thank you so much to HarperTeen for giving me this ARC in exchange for an honest review!

[justmiaslife · Rating 4 out of 5]

„Jetzt ist alles, was wir haben“ ist auf jeden Fall kein Buch für schwache Nerven. Mit seiner schwierigen aber durchaus wichtigen Thematik geht der Roman auf jeden Fall unter die Haut und das wird man auch nicht so schnell vergessen. Der Klappentext suggeriert allerdings das es in eine andere Richtung geht als es tatsächlich der Fall ist, aber dies ist auf keinen Fall negativ gemeint. Nur sollte euch vorher gesagt sein das die Liebesgeschichte eher etwas nebensächliches ist.

Und tatsächlich war die auch der große Knackpunkt für mich: Zwischen Hadley und Charlie ging es meiner Meinung nach verdammt schnell und im Verlauf der Handlung verblast ihre Liebe immer mehr. Charlie war zwar ein netter, junger Mann und die Beziehung zwischen ihm und Hadley fand ich ganz okay – jedoch habe ich mich auch das ein oder andere Mal gefragt, ob hier nicht doch eine sehr schwierige Thematik zu sehr romantisiert wurde und es in Hadleys Situation wirklich das Richtige war sich Hals über Kopf in eine Beziehung zu stürzen, wo Charlie relativ oft den Ton angegeben hat. Für mich steht definitiv Hadley’s Familiengeschichte und das Thema häusliche Gewalt im Vordergrund, was sich (leider) durch das gesamte Buch zieht.

Amy Giles hat die Geschichte sehr fesselnd verfasst, im Verlauf der Geschichte kriegt man auch viele Details aus Hadley’s Vergangenheit mit und die Autorin spielt außerdem auch geschickt mit Erwartungen und Klischees. In Text und Chat-Gesprächen wird nach und nach aufgelöst, wie es zu einem entscheidenen Unfall im Buch kam – wie die Polizei ihn auffädelt, um Motive und Geschehnisse zu hinterfragen und wie Nebencharaktere die Situation wahrgenommen haben. Bis zum Ende rätselt man mit und es ist der Autorin gelungen hier nicht die einfachste Lösung zu präsentieren, sodass nicht alles gleich vorhersehbar ist.

Meiner Meinung nach gab es auch sehr viele Stellen im Buch – besonders in der Mitte – wo viel im „damals“ erzählt wurde, um zu zeigen, wie Hadleys Leben aussah, aber irgendwie fehlte mir dort der Tiefgang. Man erfährt nicht sehr viel, über sie als Mensch oder was sie bewegt, sich wünscht usw. Es war zwar sehr rührselig, wie sie sich immer für ihre Schwester aufgeopfert hat, aber ich hätte mir etwas mehr Input zu den anderen Charakteren gewünscht.

Fazit: Insgesamt konnte mich der Roman nicht zu 100% von sich überzeugen, allerdings bereue ich es auf keinen Fall ihn gelesen zu haben, da ich besonders durch das Mystery-Element mit den Verhörungen, Briefen und Chatverläufen unbedingt wissen musste, wie es weiter geht. Die Thematik ist wichtig und gut umgesetzt, aber neben dem Grundgerüst erschien der Rest leider dann doch etwas blass und unausgereift.

[Amina · Rating 4 out of 5]

✰ 4 stars ✰

“All my life, I’ve studied hard and done well. I played hard on the field, and I’ve won. I thought I did it because my father made me. Turns out, defeat is not my thing. I don’t like losing.

Not when the stakes are this high.”

Now is Everything is a brutally gripping YA novel about what may appear on the outside for one's life and persona, may actual shield a darker and painful truth that no one wants to face. For seventeen-year-old Hadley, this is the manifestation of her life - that under the guise of being a talented lacrosse player and honor student, she is under the cruel thumb of an abusive father, who because of his status of wealth, never gets called out on it. She endures all the hurt and the taunts and the grief in order to keep her younger sister, Lila away from it all. But, when it comes to the point that she no longer protect her from physical, mental, or emotional harm, Hadley faces the difficult decision of how much longer she can keep them safe, till it's the point of no return. 😢😢

“The tears won’t stop pouring out of me, for everything I still have to lose.”

It's hard for me to put into words how impactful this was - that writing that was very straightforward and simple could still pull at the heart strings the way that it does. It was a book which was quietly powerful in pulling me into it's story. With very kind consideration, Amy Giles paints a fabricated portrait of a picture perfect life for Hadley's, only to dismantle it when she returns home. That there are secrets that haunt the inside are the truth - no matter how much people want to turn a blind eye to it.

The writing was very consistent - never was there a moment where I felt that it was repetitive in its efforts to show the extent of how much of a victim Hadley was. Her budding romance with her classmate also progressed at a very natural and believable pace - it showed a lot of maturity that most YA couples don't tend to portray. I always feel pained when I say I enjoyed reading a book that deals with such sensitive issues - but, it's a credit to the author that she portrays a story so well, that you feel like you are a witness to what the character is experiencing.

And she does not hold back the punches in showing how horrible a man her father is - a man who 'doesn't mess around when it comes to winning or money' - that he takes joy in hurting others - demeaning his own wife and targeting his other daughter, when he realizes that now there is fresh meat to hurt, when the hurt he inflicts on Hadley can hurt no more. 🥺🥺 It is savage and unkind and unjust, but these are the realities of life that do exist - that victims of abuse are helpless at the hands of their tormentors and are unable to speak up for themselves, in the fear that no one would believe them, especially when it's a person of influence and power - especially, when it could be your own father.

“Did you feel awful before you got on that plane, or after?”

As we alternate between the 'then' and the 'now', there is such a precarious imbalance of what Hadley is truly feeling at the moment after the accident - that will she be able to pull through after the terrible ordeal she has experienced - that she won't succumb to the guilt that she's carrying and stumble further into darkness. That she's still carrying a quiet sadness and anger that no one was paying attention then and refusing to see when it was actually happening.

For it's the unspoken forms of abuse that hurt us the most - that you can see someone in pain, but because of intimidation with power and fear - teachers and friends are helpless to aid you. That Hadley was counting the days till she could escape and staying around because she felt the guilt of knowing that she left her younger sister alone - he would crush her spirit and her heart and she would not be able to come out from it. 💔💔 I felt that tension - that urgent need of wanting to find a way to escape, but having all the paths leading out closing one by one. Because she is just a child - she's still with her parents - and most of all, for the sake of her sister, she holds out for as long as she can - till she realizes, there is no way out, except for this.

“Life goes on, with or without me.”

And through the pain, Hadley was able to find a confidant, a lover, and a friend in the form of her lifelong crush, Charlie. Charlie, who encouraged her to stand up for herself, who saw her pain and tried to help her, who comforted her when she really needed it. He was so thoughtful and considerate that even when her words were harsh, he didn't back away and tried to be as understanding and cooperative as he could. He saw right through her guise of sadness and gave her the chance to feel a love that could be so very beautiful and tender - something that soothed away the aches and bruises left on her heart and soul. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

It does sound like a dark and depressing read, but it ends as a hopeful one, for which I am very grateful. That there is, indeed, light at the end of a dark tunnel. And Hadley deserves that - it may have come at a cost, one that she paid for dearly - one that she still regrets even now, but to know that what she has now is worth living and fighting for - it makes all the difference to her - because for her ---

“Our now may be nothing compared to the billions of years and stars that make up our universe, but maybe now is all we can ask for. Now is everything.”

[Kristy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hadley's life looks perfect from the outside. Her family is wealthy, and she's a successful athlete and student. What you don't see is that Hadley's father works at breaking her down, day after day, forcing her into playing lacrosse and taking flying lessons (his two passions), monitoring her whereabouts and food intake, berating and belittling her constantly, and much worse. Hadley endures it all though, if it keeps the spotlight off her beloved spitfire of a little sister, Lila. Hadley would do anything to keep her father's focus off of Lila. Lila's only ten--the age her father targeted his laser beam on her. Hadley's life improves, however, when she secretly starts dating Charlie Simmons. On the surface, Charlie's life isn't anything like hers--he's the son of a poor single mom, but the two quickly find they have more in common than they realize. Even better, Charlie gives Hadley something she hasn't had in a long time: hope. Then, Hadley is in a plane crash, which tragically leaves her family is dead. Only Hadley can tell everyone what happened, but she isn't divulging the details. What happened that day in the plane? And why would it cause Hadley--the only survivor--to want to take her own life?

This book. Oh this book. Wow. I completely overlooked this one on my ARC shelf, and for that, I deeply apologize. But, I'm so, so, so glad I did pick it up! This is an amazing, powerful, and heartbreaking book and easily one of my favorite books I've read this year.

Part of the power comes via its format, which seems simple on the surface. The novel and its details are all a slow build via a "then" and "now" format plus transcripts and bits of evidence from the crash investigator. All of our "then" and "now" portions come from Hadley's point of view and leave us constantly wondering. Why is her dad all over her? What makes him so evil? You are also left in utter confusion and suspense over exactly what happened during the crash (and why it happened). I read the second half in one sitting, staying up late to finish it. I simply had to know what happened to Hadley.

I credit this to Giles' writing, which is superb. You will get sucked in by Hadley extremely early. She's a well-written, compelling character, and it's nearly impossible not to become part of her life. In fact, rarely have I felt so strongly for characters in a novel in a long time. If I could have, I would have gone and rescued those children myself! I simply loved Hadley and her wonderful, feisty sister, Lila. The hate I felt for their horrible, abusive father--and, sometimes, their apathetic, passive mother, was insane. They felt like real people. I was completely involved.

In fact, those poor kids. The book actually made me feel tense just reading about their lives. It was so well-done that I read portions of it with a knot in my stomach. (As a note, there's definitely a trigger for abuse.) Watching Hadley try to protect her sister and live up to adult expectations far beyond her teen years--seriously, guys, it was heartbreaking and yet amazing to read. You will find yourself rooting for Hadley and Lila in an inexplicable way.

The ending on this one is interesting. I'm still pondering it. The fascinating thing about this book is that you know *something* has to have happened up in that plane, but you don't know exactly what, or how it all goes down. The ending made me go "wow." I'm not exactly sure it's what I would have chosen, but it still felt right somehow. Although I was so attached to Hadley, that I wish there was a sequel of sorts, because I still feel bonded to the girl. That's how well-done this novel was!

Overall, this is just a lovely book. Very, very rarely does a book make me cry. This one did. This is not a light read, no, but there are still funny moments, beautiful moments, and heartwarming moments among all the dark ones. You will not regret reading this book. Huge kudos to Amy Giles for writing such a powerful and wonderful novel that so deftly deals with abuse and aspects of mental illness. I feel like Hadley and Lila will stay with me for a long time. 4.5 stars.

I received a copy of this novel from the publisher and Edelweiss (thank you!) in return for an unbiased review; it is available everywhere as of 11/07/2017.

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[♛ may · Rating 4 out of 5]

wowowowowow this book hardcore shook me?!!??!?

i was not expecting it to be so dark and gritty and real and sad and WHATS UP WITH THE ENDING I HAVE QUESTIONS THAT I NEED ANSWERS TO

the writing is amazing, it hooked me in from the first chapter and unlike most of ya books that have a totally predictable ending, this one just keeps you there and engaged till the very last page wow i loves

big triggers for child & domestic abuse both physical & emotional and self-harm, suicide attempt, alcoholism, and bullying

[Aj the Ravenous Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gripping narrative that trapped me from page one and I couldn’t turn the pages fast enough. There is something about Ms. Amy Giles’ writing that keeps me yearning for more so that even though the plot is quite scary, sad and often painful, I still devoured the book as if it were a comfort read when it’s the exact opposite.

Perhaps it’s the structure of the novel, the narrative viewpoints told in “Now” and “Then” with a regular transcript of the interviews of possible witnesses to ascertain the background of our main character, Hadley, who is now under a major investigation being the sole survivor of a plane crash. It must be noted though that the plane is private carrying only three passengers at the time so I hope you’re not overreacting right now. Lol.

The author writes really good impressions of the different characters making them very realistic and alive. I could practically picture these characters, like watching a movie. The portrayal of the abusive father is also very believable. Outside, he appears well groomed and very composed, the epitome of a perfect husband and father, generous and friendly but inside he’s a real monster who tortures only members of his family. What an a-hole, really and I believed it, I honestly believed it. I was so scared for Hadley and her little sister, Lila. Even though the author is simply trying to narrate the events in the plot as they transpired in the story, the suspense still felt very real.

There is a lot going on in the plot and I pat the author’s back for managing to include a swoon worthy romance in the story despite the gloomy theme. It’s quite impressive. I wholeheartedly root for Charlie and Hadley.

[Amber Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful and haunting, NOW IS EVERYTHING explores the complexities of family and abuse, as we follow one girl on her courageous journey to choose love over hate and hope over fear.

I couldn't put this book down - it really is a must-read!

*I received an advance copy*

[Mahsa · Rating 5 out of 5]

خونه ای رو تصور کنید که توی اون امنیت ندارید. که با ورود به خونه، چراغ خطر ترس میون تک تک سلول هاتون روشن بشه. که مادرتون حواسش بهتون نیست، که از نگاه های پدرتون می ترسید. که از اشتباه کردن می ترسید و روی زندگی و آینده ی خودتون هیچ کنترلی ندارید.
خب... به دنیای این کتاب خوش اومدید.

با بعضی کتاب ها احساس کردن ذره ذره ی احساسات راوی جزء دستورالعمل خوندنشونه، و این کتاب دقیقا همینطور بود. اما احساساتی که میون این کتاب گنجونده شدن یه چرخه شامل اینها بود: درد، نفرت، ناامیدی، ترس، و عشق... و باید اعتراف کنم که این چرخه گاهی میتونست خواننده رو زمین بزنه.

هادلی - دختر هفده ساله ی این قصه - تمام عمرش برای خودش زندگی نکرده. تمام قدم های زندگی اون رو پدرش براش انتخاب کرده؛ و مهم نیست که هادلی چقدر از برداشتن اون قدم ها نفرت داره، اصلا مهم نیست؛ چون "باید" سمتشون قدم برداره وگرنه...
من باید از خانواده ی هادلی بگم... خانواده ی اون یه خانواده ی مرفه به حساب میان، خانواده ای که از بیرون آروم و بی نقص دیده میشن. هادلی یه خواهر 10 ساله داره به اسم لیلا، مادر اونها به دردنخورترین مادر روی زمینه، و پدرشون... یه مریض روانی، یه مغرورِ متعصب، یه خشمگینِ کنترل ناپذیر... و خیلی صفت های مریض دیگه که ته ذهنم ترجمه ای براشون ندارم و تنها احساسی که نسبت به این پدر دارم نفرته چون هرگز نتونستم رفتارهاش رو درک کنم.

"Outside, the air is fresh and welcoming. The more distance I put between my father and me, the easier I breathe."

اولین بار که پدر هادلی روی اون دست بلند میکنه، هادلی شش سالشه. و از سن 12 سالگی این عصبانی شدن ها و کتک زدن ها تبدیل به یه عادت میشه؛ فرقی نداره به چه دلیل... فقط کافیه که هادلی اونطور نباشه که پدرش میخواد، که یه اشتباه کوچیک انجام بده و بنگ! شاید با خودتون بگید حتما مادر هادلی به خاطر نجات بچه ش ازش جدا میشه؛ اما نه. به جاش وقتی میدونه که قراره اتفاقی بیفته و قراره دخترش کتک بخوره، توی ماشین میمونه یا خونه رو ترک میکنه... انگار که هیچ اتفاقی نیفتاده. و برای همینه که بهش میگم به درد نخورترین مادر... و شاید به خاطر همینه که هر لحظه کتاب رو زمین بگذارید، مضطربید و نگران... نگران هادلی، و نگران لیلا. شاید همونقدر که هادلی نگران لیلاس... که تا امروز اجازه نداده لیلا از خصوصیت های وحشتناک پدرش بویی ببره، که اون تلاش می کرد تا لیلا مثل هادلی از بچگی شروع نکنه به وحشت کردن؛ که معصومیتش باقی بمونه، که آروم باشه.

اما هادلی به خاطر ترس از تهدیدهای پدرش و بخاطر اینکه میدونه پدرش توی جامعه چه قدرتی داره، جای تمام زخم ها رو میپوشونه و حرفی نمیزنه. و حتی به بهترین دوستانش هم چیزی نمیگه... اما چرا؟
با خودتون فکر کنید که فضای خونه تون یه جو متشنج باشه، که توی شرایط هادلی باشید و همینکه حس کنید پدرتون از خونه بیرون رفته بتونید نفس راحت بکشید. ترجیح نمیدید کنار دوستانتون، هرچی بیشتر از اون جو فاصله بگیرید؟ دوست ندارید نقش کسی رو بازی کنید که مشکلی نداره؟ که فقط فرار کنید از حقیقت تلخی که توی خونه منتظرتونه؟ خب تصمیم هادلی این بود، و هرچقدر غلط... میتونم تصور کنم که چه خواسته ی کوچیکی داشته از این انکار بزرگ... اینکه هادلی تصمیم گرفت وقتی کنار دوستش نشسته؛ توی نگاه و حرف های اون دوست، همون چیزی رو نبینه که توی خونه منتظرشه... که فقط برای چند لحظه از زندگیش دور باشه... و چه تصمیم تلخی...
خوندن این کتاب یه ترکیب دردناک از درد و عشق بود. از دردی که والدینش براش می ساختن، دردی که هربار براش تازه بود. و از عشقی که هادلی به خواهرش لیلا و پسری به اسم چارلز داشت... عشقی که هادلی رو سرپا نگه می داشت... و هر لحظه ای که هادلی با جرئت تمام زندگی می کرد و نفس می کشید.

Our now may be nothing compared to the billions of years and stars that make up our universe, but maybe now is all we can ask for. Now is everything.

پ.ن: بعضی کتاب ها رو اون قدر میشه عمیق حس کرد که وقتی ازشون بیرون میای... حواست نیست که باید چندستاره بهشون بدی؟ چون تو به جز ادامه ی قصه حواست به هیچ چیز دیگه نیست و حتی متوجه صفحاتی نیستی که به سرعت میگذرن. اما برای من... این دقیقا یکی از معیارهای یه کتاب پنج ستاره س... اینکه حتی بعد از پایان کتاب، قصه برات ادامه پیدا کنه...

"My heart is full. Of love and grief, of pain and happiness. Of life. I take a breath, then another, and another"

پانزده اسفند نود و شش...

[Ruth Lehrer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky enough to receive a free ARC of Amy Giles’s November 2017 YA novel. NOW IS EVERYTHING IS not an easy read—for me this book was painful reading because of the content. The power Hadley’s misogynistic father holds over the women in this family kept making me furious and I’d have to take a break.

Almost a thriller, this book is a sensitive look at an abusive family and the bravery of a trapped girl. Hadley’s loyalty to her sister and even to her mother, who is complicit, rounds out her character and has us rooting for her throughout.

Told in two time settings—then and now—Giles handles these switches with ease. The withheld information alternately increases tension and leads the reader to constantly make predictions that may or may not be correct. The writing skillfully builds suspense and slowly reveals plot but also reveals the complexities of an abusive household.

Come November 2017, the world will be a better place for having this book in it.

[Tara Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is just so amazing on so many levels. I read the early drafts and loved it from day one. The writing is so raw and intense and emotional, you're right there with Hadley the whole time. I don't usually have "feels" when reading a book. This one was an exception.
I don't want to go into too much for fear of spoiling it. Suffice it to say, I named my daughter after Hadley's little sister and I will probably always be in love with Charlie.

[Danielle (Life of a Literary Nerd) · Rating 4 out of 5]

“The sky is black and unwelcoming outside my bedroom window. It tells my body to go back to sleep, but even the heavens have no jurisdiction in this house.”

This was another emotional read - and it grabbed me by the heartstrings and pulled me in. Amy Giles’ debut Now Is Everywhere is the haunting story about survival. Told in a then-now format before and after a tragic accident, we follow Hadley McCauley as she tries to navigate life under the controlling thumb of her abusive father. I don’t really want to say much more, because I think it’s really best to go into this book not really knowing much. Suffice it to say, I enjoyed this book.

Things I Liked
We get some interviews woven throughout the story that really show both character personality and backstory to the tragic event the story opens up with. They immediately hooked me and they were some of my favorite parts.

I really liked the writing throughout the story! It was immersive and descriptive without being too lyrical. There’s nice creative almost poetic phrasing used in the “Now” sections of the story that sets it apart tonally without feeling disconnected. The then-now format really shows the full character journey of where started and where we end up. It drives the story well emotionally.

Hadley was a really easy character for me to connect to. We really get to see her deal with some heavy stuff emotionally, but I loved seeing her be lighter with her sister, Lila, her friends, and Charlie. I also love that she loves watching Cupcake Wars and cheesy disaster movies, because I can relate.

I really liked the romance we see develop between Hadley & Charlie. Their meet-cute is sufficiently adorable and filled with flirty banter, but we get to see them really open up to one another and develop feelings over time. I freaking LOVED that they discussed sex, birth control, and STI testing when they felt like they were ready to take that step in their relationship. And there is zero pressure from either side - it’s all very respectful and loving and I am so freaking here for safe sex and open communication in YA.

Things I Didn’t Like
Mean-girl Claudia was underdeveloped and one-dimensional. She honestly could have been left out of the story and it wouldn’t really have changed anything. Her role and it’s implications on other characters, could have been more fleshed out or left out, but she was mostly just there - being a nuisance.

Hadley becomes a bit of an absent friend and sister once she starts her relationship with Charlie. I get the honeymoon stage and everything, but I feel like I didn’t get to know Meagan and Noah as much as I could have, if she didn’t go MIA after getting with Charlie. But I do like that she was called out on it - always a plus.

Hadley’s dad is THE WORST. I can say nothing else about him, other than I wish him only bad things and he is one of the worst characters I have ever had the displeasure of coming across. He’s tied with Kiko’s mom from Starfish for worst parent ever award

This book was honestly really hard to read at times, Hadley’s father is a controlling and abusive piece of work. But I deeply enjoyed seeing Hadley’s journey and struggle. I connected with the characters - always a plus, and I was invested in the romance, which is always fun. Despite the heavy topics in the story, there were happier moments that were well balanced and never detracted from the seriousness of the subject matter. Now is Everything is an emotional story of overcoming abuse and finding love and happiness that pulls you in.

Trigger warnings for verbal and physical child abuse and suicidal thoughts and attempt

I received a copy of the book from HarperTeen in exchange for an honest review.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

The pacing for this book was so smooth it felt effortless switching between timelines. I can honestly say that the author didn’t pull any cheap tricks to make me want to rush the story to get to the “good part”. This whole story was the good part. Hadley is easy to love and understand even though she is going through this awful time in her life. Part of her experience unfortunately, felt familiar to things I have faced in my own life. It was refreshing to see an author take this on without apologizing.

This story also contains a beautiful love story between Hadley and a boy named Charlie. This romance kept the story from being too depressing and gave Hadley so much too look forward to in this bleak time of her life. I loved Hadley and Charlie together. Where they end up is a question that kept me turning pages even as other characters’ fates were revealed. I so wanted a happy ending for Hadley.

There really wasn’t anything about this book I didn’t like. I would highly recommend this book without a “trigger warning” because beneath it all there is a serious message of hope and a resources list from the author at the ending. This book is meant to create a dialogue or extend a lifeline, and I hope it does. I really hope it does.

[Sally · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could not put down this book.

17 yr old Hadley bears the brunt of her father's emotional and physical abuse, in trying to spare her young sister. Her mother's emotionally checked out. The family is a wealthy, suburban one, a glossy surface that belies all the pain. The writing style is fabulous -- everything rings true, from the witty banter of teens in the hallway, to Hadley's poetic depths of despair, to the inner language of a family abused/abusive. When the mother criticizes Hadley re: her father, saying, "Why do you provoke him?" I was profoundly moved -- I went through lots of emotional abuse from my own dad, growing up, and these were the very exact words I'd hear from my own mom.

In sum, this book rings true. The reluctance to tell. The shame.

The set-up with "then" and "now" chapters, where we try to puzzle out past events, worked great to build suspense.

This was an amazing book. The best I've read in quite a while.

*read from free ARC*

[Stephanie Elliot · Rating 5 out of 5]

Usually when I settle in to read a book, it takes me quite a while to get into it. As a busy mom I don’t get much personal reading time. I was so invested in reading Now Is Everything that I finished it in less than 24 hours, in two sittings! Amy Giles has done a bang-up job with her debut, a story about a girl who has survived a terrible accident (and more!). Readers are taken along for the ride, with chapters of “Then” and “Now” so we are drawn into Hadley’s story, of her life with an abusive father, a not-all-there mother, and her precocious little sister, who she is trying to protect. A sweet and caring yet forbidden boy rounds out the drama of the novel, and I found myself turning pages as fast as I could to find out the why, the who, and the how of Giles’ very intriguing, very mystifying debut!

[A.V. Geiger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don't let the blue sky on the cover fool you! This is a dark and suspenseful story about the secrets lurking beneath the surface in a wealthy suburban family. Seventeen-year-old Hadley's struggle feels all too real, and it makes this book difficult to read in places, but gripping and haunting throughout.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

As Amy's CP I got to read this book very early. And I LOVE it. It was my favorite read of 2015, and my husband and all of my friends had to listen to me talk very enthusiastically about how amazing it was. Our Cosmic Second is tense, suspenseful, filled with amazing characters. Hadley, Charlie, especially Lila. Your hearts will break! I'm so beyond overjoyed that the world will get to read this amazing novel.

[Joanne O'Sullivan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A page-turning, gut-punching read! Giles creates authentic characters in Hadley and her friends, including a swoony love interest, all while maintaining electric tension throughout the story. The abuse that Hadley suffers seems very real (I admit that I loved that the horrible abusive father was a hedge fund manager because that's how I see those people : ) This is an absorbing, engrossing read that keeps you guessing right till the end!

[Samantha (WLABB) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rating: 4.5 Stars

This was a tough read. It is never easy to sit by as someone's spirit is broken, but I am grateful for the little pieces of joy and hope Giles embedded in the story.



There was no doubt in my mind that this was going to be an emotional read based on the synopsis, but I did not anticipate how deeply it would affect me. This book got under my skin, and left me battling a million different emotions.

The story opened at the scene of a plane crash from which only Hadley walked away. Immediately, I was thrust into a sort of mystery. You see, many people thought Hadley had the perfect life. Her family was wealthy and lived in a big house. She drove a nice car, was captain of the lacrosse team, and was Ivy League bound. However, behind the fancy veneer lurked Hadley's dark reality.

"He broke her years ago. Now he's trying to break me too. They both poison me, little by little, mutating me at a molecular level. I'm terrified someday he'll snip my already fragile backbone in half, just like he did to my mother."

I loved the way Giles told the story. First, there was the format, which alternated between past and present as told by Hadley. The way she utilized the two time periods added an air of mystery to the story. I am a fan of authors feeding me bits and pieces of a story, little by little, because I enjoy trying to put the pieces together, and with this book, there were a few reveals that actually made me gasp. We also saw other points of view through interviews conducted by the crash investigator. Most of these interviews were with Hadley's friends, and revealed that the McCauley family's facade was beginning to crack.

"I know they just want to help put me back together again, but it's not just my arm that's broken. I'm a million shattered pieces. Tiny shards that will cut anyone who tires to clean up my mess."

The format worked really well with the way the story played out. There was a build in the story that complimented the escalation of the violence at home. The more abuse heaped on Hadley, the more she began to unravel, and I found my heart aching for her. The writing was quite beautiful, and I found myself in a constant state of highlighting, because the phrasing was exquisite, and did a perfect job capturing the appropriate emotions. Giles did an amazing job bringing us into Hadley's head, and providing us with justifications for her behavior. Her fear and terror was palpable, and I found myself making silent wishes for her to just hold on and not give up as she was being pushed further and further from herself and closer and closer to the edge.

"My father bursts out of his study, a gust of wind before the storm, his footsteps the rolling thunder..."

It was very difficult to sit by and watch Hadley be broken by her father, but Giles wove some happy and hopeful bits to keep me from falling into an abyss of heartbreak. Lila was such a bright spot, and Hadley's affection for her was so genuine. It became the two of them against the world at one point, and I was thankful they had each other. We also got to see Hadley fall in love, and those were some of the best moments, because they were her escape, her haven in the storm. Giles gave her the perfect love interest, because although he was less economically blessed than Hadley, he could relate, having been in a similar situation dealing with an alcoholic mom and an abusive father.

"A mall flame ignites inside my belly, one I thought was extinguished a long time ago. A tiny torch of hope."

Overall: This was an honest and sensitive look at child abuse infused with some joy and hope, which was quite intense and left me a little raw, but hopeful.

**I would like to thank the publisher for the advanced copy of this book. Quotes are from an ARC and may change upon publication.

[Madison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not sure I will be able to write this review without crying. And I'm not sure if they would be tears of heartbreak, overwhelming relief, or joy. Simple words will not do justice to this incredible book. It captured my attention, enthralled my curiosity, and, most of all, worked its way into my heart. There is something so important in this book, so vital we must share it and shout it from roof tops. The survival, the resilience, the importance of friendship and love in this book, the display of emotions and fear and strength is truly amazing. It all makes Now Is Everything such a vibrant, heartbreaking, and incredible book.

Now. Hadley faces the aftermath of a deadly plane crash. There are people investigating, but Hadley isn't talking, not about the crash, not about life before the crash. Then. Hadley wakes every morning, faces every day with the single purpose of protecting her younger sister. Hadley must get perfect grades, captain a successful lacrosse team, be a good friend, and hide the truth of her home life - from everyone. She never expected to get a chance with her long-time crush, Charlie Simmons. She never expected to fall for him the way she does. She never expected the way he would understand her and become such an important part of her life. But the situation at home is escalating, and Hadley knows she is running out of time and options.

Now Is Everything is written from Hadley's perspective, both from 'now', after the plane crash, and 'then', back months ago leading up until the events of 'now'. This was done superbly. There are far more 'then' sections than 'now', but the balance was perfect. My curiosity was piqued right from the start. I was constantly asking, 'what happened?' We readers are slowly fed pieces to the mysteries of this novel. And just when I thought I had it all figured out, the whole thing would shift, a new layer would be added, and my heart would break all over again.

This book was beautifully written. It was so easy to get into Hadley's head. And despite at first not fully understanding the extend of events and her life, my heart went out to her. There was a wonderful balance between lighthearted moments and true pain and despair. The themes of surviving, speaking up, and providing support against violence, abuse, and neglect is so important for YA literature. And Now Is Everything is an exemplar.

The romance is an incredible part of this book. It is intense and consuming, but in no way does it detract from the gravity of the main storyline and themes. Instead, it only adds to the brilliance of this novel. It gives Hadley something else for which to fight. Charlie is so incredibly sweet and supportive. I loved it when he would get nervous or awkward when trying to woo Hadley. He isn't perfect, but he is perfect for Hadley, and I loved the way he both pushed and supported her, was patient but never ignored or stayed silent about the important things.

Friendship also plays a huge role in this story. Hadley is fortunate to have two supportive best friends. But she is equally good at hiding everything from them, just like she protects and hides the truth from her sister. Hadley continually risks herself to protect those around her, and in that lies the true message of this novel.

With Now is Everything, Amy Giles delivers a stunning debut that is both thrilling and romantic. Now Is Everything offer timely themes, strong characters, and an incredible story of one girl's strength, bravery, and resilience.

The publishers provided an advanced readers copy of this book for reviewing purposes. All opinions are my own.

Find more reviews, reading age guides, content advisory, and recommendations on my blog Madison's Library.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Amy Giles’s luminous YA debut, NOW IS EVERYTHING (which I actually devoured in one feverish sitting), we meet Hadley McCauley, a 17-year-old high-school lacrosse player who seems to have it all: great grades, caring friends, and a tight-knit nuclear family. The problem is, appearances can be deceiving. Hadley’s charming hedge-fund manager dad, Miles, terrorizes his family by ruling with an iron fist—literally. Not only does he abuse Hadley physically, he forbids her to date or to think independently. Hadley chafes under her father’s control, but she has suffered his abuse since childhood and knows not to make waves. She also knows not to say anything about her new boyfriend, Charlie, who she’s seeing behind her father’s back, or the fact that she doesn’t want to attend her father’s alma mater, Cornell. If she plays the game, Hadley believes, no one will get (further) hurt. But then, when her father sets his abusive sights on her adored little sister, Lila, Hadley fears for Lila’s safety and begins to question the status quo. With dramatic twists and turns along the way, and gorgeous, lyrical writing, Giles’s novel will appeal to fans of John Green and Sarah Dessen. A dazzling, edge-of-your-seat debut. Highly and enthusiastically recommended!

[Knobby · Rating 4 out of 5]

Everything I want to say, is said over here by Sana.

I will say it took me about 25% to really get into this book, as it feels like there's a lot to establish so we get a baseline of how things work in Hadley's world.. but once I did, I couldn't stop reading. A super compelling and important read about physical and mental abuse in a home that, from the outside, doesn't look like it would contain such misery.

Worth a read.

[Ashley · Rating 1 out of 5]

See more of my reviews on The YA Kitten! My copy was an ARC I got from the publisher via Edelweiss.

Trigger warning: Now is Everything is about child abuse and also features a brief but graphic moment of self-harm via a suicide attempt.

Whoo, what a disappointment! Now is Everything had me excited to begin with, seeing as it opens with Hadley being pulled from the scene of a plane crash followed by pieces of interviews with her friends as investigators try to figure out what caused the crash. It doesn’t stay good for long. Instead, it devolves into a book flatter than the paper it’s written on.

The characters are flat enough to be described by their roles rather than who they actually are. Hadley is the Main Character, Charlie the Boyfriend, Meaghan and Noah the Best Friends (Noah is the Gay Best Friend specifically), Claudia is the Slutty Mean Girl, and so on.

Claudia’s characterization is especially appalling. I’ve gotten used to YA books that break down the boundaries of the trope and make sure the antagonistic role is filled by a more nuanced character readers can’t dismiss so easily as the Mean Girl. Meanwhile, we have Claudia, who very openly offers Hadley’s boyfriend a blow job while she’s drunk.

Our most noteworthy example of bad characterization actually comes from Lila, Hadley’s angelic, precocious ten-year-old sister. Lila exists not as a character but as a plot device, something precious for Hadley to protect from their abusive, controlling father. There’s nothing wrong with her, but there’s nothing right either. I was dealing with bullies and getting my first school referral at ten, but Lila doesn’t seem to have anything of her own going on! She’s just kinda there and cute.

There is some merit to the book as an exploration of parent-child physical and emotional abuse, but when other books can approach the same issue and actually draw you in with the skilled writing and deft characterization, why bother with this one?

After half the book, I started skipping the more plentiful “Then” chapters to read the “Now” and it didn’t feel like I was missing much. I gathered what was going on: increasing tension between Hadley and her abusive father, her mom not helping, her little sister Lila being a sweet angel she wanted to protect, her friends and boyfriend being around, etc. But then Hadley realizes that her father is planning to make Lila “shape up” into a proper daughter now that she’s ten years old–the same age at which he literally beat Hadley into the perfect lacrosse-playing, plane-flying child he wanted, breaking her bones until what came back together was to his liking.

She’s not going to let precocious little Lila go through the same hell she did.

Set-ups like this are literally what Battered Woman Syndrome is made of! It promises a glimpse at how far an abused person will go to save either themselves or their most precious person–in Hadley’s case, Lila–from their abuser. In fact, we do see Hadley make preparations to do what she has to in order to keep Lila safe from years of beatings and conditioning and the loss of the little girl sweetness Hadley loves her so much for.

But at this pivotal moment that offers the one point of moral complexity in the entire book, we lose it all. See, Hadley’s dad is deathly allergic to nuts. She bakes nutty muffins at home, cleans every last piece of cookware used to eliminate traces of nuts, and plans to switch out the muffins they typically get at the airport with her muffins when they fly. When he bites into one mid-flight, he’ll go into anaphylactic shock and the plane will crash, killing both him and Hadley herself.

Except her mom doesn’t stay home to take care of Lila like Hadley plans for her to and Hadley backs out of giving her dad the nutty muffins. She gets their usual airport muffins again, making sure to confirm there are no nuts in them to create her own “alibi” of sorts, but testing after the accident indicates those airport muffins actually did have nuts in them due to contamination at the plant they came from! It’s the third such case out of that plant, in fact.

So in the end, Hadley is absolved of her parents’ deaths and readers get the least interesting ending possible. Would it not have been more interesting for Hadley to give him the tainted muffin only for investigators to mistakenly attribute it to contamination at the plant the uneaten airport muffins came from? On the outside, Hadley expresses her relief at not being the one to kill him. Inside, she’s a tangle of emotions because she’s seriously getting away with murdering her abusive father.

It’s just such a weak ending after so much tension, pain, and build-up!

There are better books out there that cover similar topics to Now is Everything, like Thicker Than Water by Kelly Fiore. Though it covers abuse by a sibling and drug addiction rather than abuse by a parent and the ending is similarly disappointing, its characters are more complex and the book remains memorable even a year and a half later! Even “tragedy porn” books like A List of Cages by Robin Roe does it better thanks to vivid characterization and an ending unafraid of letting characters suffer long-lasting consequences! Reader, you can easily find books more worth your time than this one.

[Sharon Metcalf · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars
Wow, what an incredible debut novel Amy Giles has produced. Now is Everything drew me into the drama in its very first paragraph and did not relinquish it's hold on me, the intensity continuing to increase page after page, until the concluding passages. The blurb described the book as being about what one girl is willing to do to protect her past, present, and future. Suggested for Jennifer Niven fans and recommended for ages 14 and above, I expected to enjoy this and I did - no question. I would however question whether some of the content was suitable for a 14 year old, and warn any reader that this book contains strong child abuse/domstic violence,themes which made for diificult reading at times.

The story was revealed in alternating chapters titled "Then" and "Now". In the "Now" there has been a life and death accident. We learn about the protaganist, 17 year old Hadley McCauley, through police interviews with various friends and acquaintances. We gradually get an understanding of her personality, her likes and dislikes as well as a feel for her home life. The "Then" chapters are in the first person from Hadleys perspective. Not only do we share her first love and sexual experiences, her insecurities and fears but we also have an inside look at the important realationships in her life. Her friends, her family. As the two story lines progressed it became evident that the situation at home was becoming untenable and I was continually trying to second guess what had lead to the accident. I loved the way Hadley was so protective of her younger sister Lila, always stepping in to spare her from the inordinate pressure and controlling ways of their father, nurturing her when their mother failed to. The tension in their household was palpable and kept me on edge throughout as Hadley took risks, told fibs and challenged her boundaries.

This is a difficult book to review without spoiling however if you don't mind YA fiction with a touch of suspense and a sweet romance tempered with some very difficult themes, I wholeheartedly recommend you try it for yourself. Many thanks to author Amy Giles for an excellent book, to the publishers Harper Collins, and Edelweiss for the opportunity of reading this digital ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was impossible to put down. I wanted to put my life on hold to find out what happened. It's gorgeously written and the story will take you in and wrap itself around you and squeeze your heart. An important, unforgettable book.

[Maggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in less than 24 hours. NOW IS EVERYTHING has perfect pacing. It never felt slow, and every word was important. I never skimmed. I soaked up each word and each piece of information that Amy Giles strategically placed throughout the story to help us unravel Hadley's mystery. Equal parts heart-wrenching and hopeful, Hadley's story is one that will stick with you long after you close the book. I can't recommend this book enough.

[Jooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wat een heftig verhaal!

Weer maar eens een voorbeeld dat er achter een perfecte facade vaak meer schuil gaat dan je zou denken...
Charlies rol was heel dubbel. Enerzijds was hij het beste dat Hadley kon overkomen en anderzijds was hij als olie op het vuur van Hadleys vader zijn woedaanvallen...

[Bobby's Reading · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most TOUGHEST and HEARTBREAKING novel I’ve read! This book took me on a journey of lies, child abuse, sisterhood, and the power of revenge. It had me from page 1, and could not stop reading! The story follows The McCauleys may look perfect on the outside, but inside, this family is hiding a dark secret. Hadley will do anything to keep her sister safe from their abusive father. But when Hadley’s forbidden relationship with Charlie Simmons deepens, her father’s violence at home escalates. And Hadley will do anything to seek revenge of her monstrous father. A deeply moving YA novel that EVERYONE MUST READ! I’m surprised it’s not getting the attention it deserves!