Couldn’t Get Very Far
Within just a few chapters, I was struggling with ideas that didn’t jive together. Example 1: here’s a passage that doesn’t make sense: “For a minute he’d considered taking his car, but despite the heavy rain, he knew it was a bad idea. The alcohol was still rattling his brain. When he arrived at the school, he waited by the buses. “Dad?” Amy stepped away from the bus line, her eyes widening. “Hey, honey. I thought I’d walk you home. Maybe get some pizza?” “Sure, Dad. Here.” She popped open an umbrella and handed it to Mason, who held her close and sheltered them both as best he could.”
[That they shared an umbrella suggests he didn’t have one and walked through heavy rain to his daughter’s school. Who does that??? Then, they had a conversation away from the bus line in the heavy rain. THEN, she popped open her umbrella. The writing needs to spell out these simple ideas because it seems absurd to have a casual conversation in heavy rain.]
Example 2: “Mason was just beginning to believe her when he heard the grumble of a car’s engine. A quick peek through the window revealed it to be Joshua’s car. He stormed outside and marched toward it, his fists clenched into tight balls. Before the new boyfriend knew what was happening Mason opened the door and dragged him out. He pinned him against the side of the car and planted a fist into the guy’s stomach. Mason smashed the guy in the face once, twice. Joshua slumped to the floor...
[Joshua slumped to the floor? I thought they were outside? Huh?]
These kinds of inconsistencies are jolting to read. Did he just walk through heavy rain to his daughter’s school? How far was that? And then they have a casual talk in the heavy rain? Then he walks to a pizza place and then home. All under an umbrella out in heavy rain. Then he beats up the new boyfriend outside, who falls to the floor...???
In addition to this, the writing is just pretty poor.
I’m stopping while I’m ahead. Too many other books that don’t have glaring mistakes like this. Inexcusable.