I regret to inform you that I am losing my marbles.
I imagine you will have one of two reactions to this tragic piece of news. One, you may politely inform me that this is not the first time I have made such a statement, and you would be correct in saying so.
But this time I’m serious.
Or two, you may inquire as to what complex deception I have fallen under in order to believe that I have any marbles left to lose. And this would be very valid. But if there were any remaining marbles before I read this book, I surely have no more to speak of now.
There are three separate things about this book that made me go legitimately legally insane. By legal standards.
We will begin with the most inane.
Crazy-making thing numéro un:
WHO ON GOD’S GREAT GREEN EARTH IS CAPABLE OF EATING THIS MUCH?
We follow Lucky, a K-pop star whose skinniness is noted on basically every other page, and Jack, some random hot and muscle-y guy -
Okay, wait, sidenote. I have a mini-rant. Is there a single young adult book containing a Hetero romance that doesn’t have a scene in which the guy mops the sweat off his forehead with the bottom of his shirt (which is gross) / stretches his arms over his head (which is not that frequent of an occurrence) / needs to rip his shirt off for some injury-related reason (tourniquet-ing a wound or what have you) and reveals a perfect set of abs, causing the girl to have heart palpitations and all of us to pretend any of this is new? AND NONE OF THEM EVER EXPLAIN WHERE THESE 17-YEAR-OLD BOYS GET THESE ABS FROM. It’ll be like “I’m surprised the spelling bee champion / gamer / nerdiest boy alive has abs, but he does and I won’t explain it.”
Anyway.
So we follow Lucky and Jack over a period of, for the most part, approximately thirteen hours.
In that time, they eat, no joke, EIGHT FULL MEALS. EIGHT. EIGHT HUGE MEALS. Plus snacks. Is that even physically possible?
Like, they ate the equivalent of four Thanksgiving dinners, basically, and proceeded to have cute quirky interactions all over Hong Kong. Including physical activity. (Get your mind out of the gutter, I mean running from paparazzi.)
I would roll around on the floor, generally feel like an overstuffed baked potato, and then explode.
That’s reason number one (including bonus rant).
Cause of death of all of my lingering marbles No. 2:
One half of the meet-cute, Jack, is without exaggeration the worst person ever brought to the page. He is a PAPARAZZO who doesn’t even LIKE the JOB but still manipulates and lightly KIDNAPS a woman then tricks her into FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM, all while sneak-taking photos of her for a story...and he doesn’t even decide that’s a bad idea until he’s already shown the photos to his tabloid boss AND his boss has made disgusting misogynistic comments. At the very end of the book.
This your MCM?
Because maybe it’s just me but for ME, I want to kick him so hard that he rounds the world twice and then comically lands directly in a dumpster.
Killing blow to the very last of my sanity #3:
Lucky is Quirky City, Population Not Like Other Girls. Did I miss a memo in which female characters whose only traits were eating a ton and making unfunny jokes were un-canceled? Because I’d like them to be canceled again.
If you’ll excuse me, I am going to go try to track down some marbles. We are mid-quarantine and I can’t imagine that such objects are deemed essential, but this for me is certainly an emergency.
Bottom line: This book single-handedly drove me to the throes of insanity.
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trying to decide which was more heartbreaking: how disappointing this book was, or the fact that i craved bao for eight and a half hours after reading it.
review to come / 1 stars
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y'all ever been so critical about what you read that you buy all of an author's books after liking a single thing they wrote? no? just me?