It's Time to Talk (and Listen): How to Have Constructive Conversations About Race, Class, Sexuality, Ability & Gender in a Polarized World

by Anatasia S. Kim, Alicia del Prado

Conversations about controversial topics can be difficult, painful, and emotionally charged. This user-friendly guide will help you engage in effective, compassionate discussions with family, friends, colleagues, and even strangers about race, immigration, gender, marriage equality, sexism, marginalization, and more.

We talk every day—and we often do it without thinking. But, as you well know, there are some things that are harder to talk about—especially issues pertaining to politics, culture, lifestyle, and diversity. If you’ve ever struggled in a conversation about a “controversial” topic with a loved one, work colleague, or even a stranger, you know exactly how uncomfortable and heated the discussion can become. And even if you are one of the lucky few that expresses themselves eloquently, how do you move beyond mere “lip service” and turn words into actionable change?

This groundbreaking book will show you how to get to that important next level in difficult conversations, to talk in an authentic and straightforward way about culture and diversity, and to speak from the heart with tools from the head. Using a simple eight-step approach, you’ll learn communication strategies that are supported by research and have been practiced in classrooms, work meetings, therapy sessions, and more.

We constantly hear about friends and colleagues whose family members are not speaking to each other because of different political opinions, who’ve exchanged words that have mutually offended one another. If silence is one end of the continuum and verbal conflict anchors the other, how do we reach a middle ground? How do we take part in the “in between” spaces where both parties can speak and listen?

With this book as your guide, you’ll learn to navigate these difficult conversations, and take what you’ve learned beyond the conversation and out into the world—whether it’s through politics, social justice movements, or simply expanding the minds of those around you.

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism, Sociology, Race, Anti Racist, Social, Theory

224 pages, Paperback

Published July 1, 2019

About the author

Anatasia S. Kim is a Clinical Psychologist who specializes in working with adolescents and young adults with neurocognitive disabilities, anxiety, and depression. She is also an Associate Professor at The Wright Institute in Berkeley, CA. She teaches, writes, trains, and consults on topics related to diversity, equity, and inclusion.

Reviews

[Randal White · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book to challenge yourself. I, for one, seem to be repeatedly saying something that upsets someone else. I don't mean to, but it happens just the same. I then spend hours laying in bed at night, thinking "what did I say?" and ruminating on what I should have done different. Or, on the other hand, there are times that someone will say something that is upsetting to me, or to others around me. And I will sit there and not say anything, to not provoke an argument. Then, again, I will lay in bed that night thinking about "if I had only said....".
This book helps give you insight into how to handle these situations. I wish that I had read it years ago, when I was early in my career. Oh, all the trouble I could have avoided!
I can highly recommend this book to everyone.

[Cristie Underwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great guide for anyone that puts their foot in their mouth when discussing issues that can be polarizing or controversial. The author's advice is easy to utilize. This was a great read!

[Eleri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easily digestible, quite interesting, and I’m looking forward to applying the methods!

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Incredibly useful and insightful - I wish this was required reading for everyone, especially in today's social and political climate. While the steps in the book outline what you yourself can do to have better, more civil, and more productive conversations about difficult topics - examine your values, culture and motivations; recognize how your communication style, reactions and body language affect how your words are received; ways of grounding yourself to take the immediacy out of your emotions - these also transfer over to how to understand the person you're having a conversation with as well. Although you have no control over their thoughts, words, or behavior, by trying to understand their values, culture, motivations, reactions, body language, emotions, etc. you are better able to get to the root of the issue you're trying to discuss and approach them in a calmer, better way. Tough work, but so important.

[Dora Okeyo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this book made me want to sit down and talk to someone, just ask questions and really get to hear what they have to say about things I'd normally not ask, like their political views and thoughts of life and the afterlife. It's an interesting guide simple, feels basic but nonetheless very important and timely.
Thanks Netgalley for the eARC.

[Annmarie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this book is a great jumping off point for having more constructive dialog about issues that there needs to be more constructive dialog. Great job Anatasia and Alicia! Looking forward to the next.

[Vicki Gollnisch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great information and advice for those who live and work in a diverse community. Perfectly executed and easy to read. Thought provoking.

[Dianne Chiappari · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very inciteful and important read for all ages. Well written step by step guide for discussing topics that are often difficult conversations we encounter daily in today's world.

[josie °☆.。.:* · Rating 4 out of 5]

really great guide with some WONDERFUL journaling prompts. for me, it felt a bit too basic with the skills highlighted, but would be great for someone with less knowledge/experience.
easy to read, comprehensive, and great examples.

[Tina · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.75

[Anthony · Rating 4 out of 5]

I "read" this as an audio book and although it was a great way to have the content presented, I would recommend reading the actual paper format. This book should be approached as a mini-lecture series with practical advice to put in to practice to develop your communication style based upon identified values. Reading in paper would afford more time to pause, reflect, and put in to practice the lessons contained within. I listened while walking the dog, which is a nice way to learn content but doesn't allow for much self-reflection time. That is all on me thought! I'd highly recommend this book to anyone beginning on a journey of self-reflection with the desire to boost your communication skills.

[Carrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The subtitle says that this book is about having constructive conversations regarding culture and diversity. I think it has an even broader value. The book can be helpful if you are preparing yourself for any sort of specific difficult conversation you want to initiate. It has many tools, tips, and examples.

Another way it is useful is in preparing yourself to speak out when you encounter an issue you want to address effectively the next time it happens.

Finally, the last chapter encourages civic engagement. While a bit sugary for my taste, it just might inspire you to choose an issue you care about and use your new communication skills to get involved.

[Josephine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very easy to follow step-by-step guide to discussing sensitive issues in today's divided world. Been putting some of the tools to practice for myself, and hoping it will make a difference in the way I communicate with others. Thank you to New Harbinger for providing me a copy of the book.

[Sutharshani Subramaniam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read as part of work book club. Easy to follow, very interactive and reflective. Be prepared to feel like you're in a therapy session.