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A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD: Embrace Neurodiversity, Live Boldly, and Break Through Barriers
Live boldly as a woman with ADHD! This radical guide will show you how to cultivate your individual strengths, honor your neurodiversity, and learn to communicate with confidence and clarity. If you are a woman with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), you’ve probably known—all your life—that you’re different. As girls, we learn which behaviors, thinking, learning, and working styles are preferred, which are accepted and tolerated, and which are frowned upon. These preferences are communicated in innumerable ways—from media and books to our first-grade classroom to conversations with our classmates and parents. Over the course of a lifetime, women with ADHD learn through various channels that the way they think, work, speak, relate, and act does not match up with the preferred way of being in the world. In short, they learn that difference is bad. And, since these women know that they are different, they learn that they are bad. It’s time for a change. A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD is the first guided workbook for women with ADHD designed to break the cycle of negative self-talk and shame-based narratives that stem from the common and limiting belief that brain differences are character flaws. In this unique guide, you’ll find a groundbreaking approach that blends traditional ADHD treatment with contemporary treatment methods, such as acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), to help you untangle yourself from the beliefs that have kept you from reaching your potential in life. If you’re ready to develop a strong, bold, and confident sense of self, embrace your unique brain-based differences, and cultivate your individual strengths, this step-by-step workbook will help guide the way.
216 pages, Paperback
First published July 1, 2019
1972 people are currently reading
8520 people want to read
About the author
Sari Solden
8 books159 followersSari Solden, M.S, is a psychotherapist who has counseled adults with ADHD for 30 years. She is the author of Women with Attention Deficit Disorder, Journeys Through ADDulthood, and co-author of A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD (July 2019). She serves on the professional advisory board of ADDA and was received their award for outstanding service by a helping professional. Her areas of specialization include women's issues, inattentive ADHD, and the emotional consequences and healing process for adults who grew up with undiagnosed ADHD. She is a prominent keynote speaker on these subjects nationally and internationally.
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October 30, 2019
I have many thoughts about this book. So many that I don’t know what order to put them in and feel overwhelmed and am concerned that I’ll come off as a total jerk. Oh well. To start, here are some feelings: disappointment, bewilderment, alienation and frustration. Please excuse all my grammatical and spelling errors. I've given myself a time limit.
I’ll share an experience that informed my opinion of this book. Way back in the late 90s when I was in college my girlfriend (also ADD) and I read a book together about women and ADHD. I don’t recall the name of the book, but we used to read certain lines and laugh about how “straight” the book was. The women seemed to all live in the suburbs and were white and were not just heterosexual, but had heterormative relationships and families. The ADHD self improvement world depicted seemed regressive in it’s grief about not living up to highly restrictive feminine ideals, kinda like June Cleaver. We understood that this book was not really meant for us, but for a certain type of woman with ADHD. It was for wives and mothers and caretakers. Although I identified as a woman, I still felt alienated by this book.
Fast forward twenty years. I’m in the throws of perimenopause and having lots of “bad brain days” and my stimulant medication doesn’t seem to work well. I’m also in therapy and learning that I’m not good at establishing boundaries in my intimate relationships. It seemed like a good time to dive back into ADHD research, strategies and the more emotional/relational work involved with the diagnosis, especially for women. And then I found this book.
Reading this book was like traveling back in time. I had the same reaction I did twenty years ago. Here are some things that bewilder me about this book:
This book says that women with ADHD don’t “necessarily choose to act in nontraditional ways- we simply don’t have a chioce.” Although the book never specifies what these traditional gender roles are, it doesn’t seem to question that these very roles themselves may be sexist, racist, and ablest in and of themselves. Furthermore, many people do indeed choose not to conform to these gender ideals in all sorts of ways….and some of them also have ADHD.
I would have appreciated an elaboration on why the authors used the term “invisible differences,” and not “invisible disability.” Understanding and embracing disability, especially invisible disability, is empowering and helps me assert my rights and connects me to other people with shared experiences. Most importantly, it makes me question normalcy and privilege. The book seems to distance itself from the term and I just can’t imagine why.
As I read the stories in the book, I was struck that all these women seemed to be on this journey alone, and at times, even isolated. I don’t understand why they weren’t connecting with other ADHD folks. This seems bizarre to me. Have they never met another person with ADHD? Do they not have access to social media or ADHD groups? Is there no desire to meet other members of “the tribe”? Is ADHD community and connection not an important part of shining brighter and being our authentic selves?
This book would be more helpful if it was reworked as an autobiography, or as a chapter about ACT therapy in a larger book about ADHD. It’s greatest flaw, IMO, is including women in the title. This is not a book about women with ADHD. You can’t overgeneralize about women and not talk about race and class and sexual orientation and disability and gender identity and gender expression. Trans women are women. Full stop. You don’t get to be the “normal women” that everyone else is defined against. All this does is assert your privilege. And it’s not enough to just add a paragraph or two saying that those “other” women with ADHD have an ever harder time.
I’ll share an experience that informed my opinion of this book. Way back in the late 90s when I was in college my girlfriend (also ADD) and I read a book together about women and ADHD. I don’t recall the name of the book, but we used to read certain lines and laugh about how “straight” the book was. The women seemed to all live in the suburbs and were white and were not just heterosexual, but had heterormative relationships and families. The ADHD self improvement world depicted seemed regressive in it’s grief about not living up to highly restrictive feminine ideals, kinda like June Cleaver. We understood that this book was not really meant for us, but for a certain type of woman with ADHD. It was for wives and mothers and caretakers. Although I identified as a woman, I still felt alienated by this book.
Fast forward twenty years. I’m in the throws of perimenopause and having lots of “bad brain days” and my stimulant medication doesn’t seem to work well. I’m also in therapy and learning that I’m not good at establishing boundaries in my intimate relationships. It seemed like a good time to dive back into ADHD research, strategies and the more emotional/relational work involved with the diagnosis, especially for women. And then I found this book.
Reading this book was like traveling back in time. I had the same reaction I did twenty years ago. Here are some things that bewilder me about this book:
This book says that women with ADHD don’t “necessarily choose to act in nontraditional ways- we simply don’t have a chioce.” Although the book never specifies what these traditional gender roles are, it doesn’t seem to question that these very roles themselves may be sexist, racist, and ablest in and of themselves. Furthermore, many people do indeed choose not to conform to these gender ideals in all sorts of ways….and some of them also have ADHD.
I would have appreciated an elaboration on why the authors used the term “invisible differences,” and not “invisible disability.” Understanding and embracing disability, especially invisible disability, is empowering and helps me assert my rights and connects me to other people with shared experiences. Most importantly, it makes me question normalcy and privilege. The book seems to distance itself from the term and I just can’t imagine why.
As I read the stories in the book, I was struck that all these women seemed to be on this journey alone, and at times, even isolated. I don’t understand why they weren’t connecting with other ADHD folks. This seems bizarre to me. Have they never met another person with ADHD? Do they not have access to social media or ADHD groups? Is there no desire to meet other members of “the tribe”? Is ADHD community and connection not an important part of shining brighter and being our authentic selves?
This book would be more helpful if it was reworked as an autobiography, or as a chapter about ACT therapy in a larger book about ADHD. It’s greatest flaw, IMO, is including women in the title. This is not a book about women with ADHD. You can’t overgeneralize about women and not talk about race and class and sexual orientation and disability and gender identity and gender expression. Trans women are women. Full stop. You don’t get to be the “normal women” that everyone else is defined against. All this does is assert your privilege. And it’s not enough to just add a paragraph or two saying that those “other” women with ADHD have an ever harder time.
January 29, 2021
DNF
Okay I think this is more of an issue with me, rather than with the book
I thought this book would illustrate examples of women with ADHD, why, from a clinical POV, women aren't diagnosed, a detailed report on symptoms etc.
This is more of a fluffy-feel good book, which is just not for me. I am the wrong demographic.
Posting this just in case someone else makes the same mistake.
I don't think the book is inherently bad, it's just bad for me
Okay I think this is more of an issue with me, rather than with the book
I thought this book would illustrate examples of women with ADHD, why, from a clinical POV, women aren't diagnosed, a detailed report on symptoms etc.
This is more of a fluffy-feel good book, which is just not for me. I am the wrong demographic.
Posting this just in case someone else makes the same mistake.
I don't think the book is inherently bad, it's just bad for me
August 10, 2020
I was looking for a book explaining how symptoms of ADD could be different for women, and also for some practical guide on living with it. But instead I got some support group manual with a lot of ‘you need to overcome your fear’, ‘find your voice’ and ‘embrace your creativity’ messages. Probably I’m just not a target audience for it.
It’s supposed to be empowering, and client stories — to be relatable. But as for me it looked like the narrator’s voice is pityful and they feel really sorry for you and want to guide you. Like you are some little helpless creature not being able to stand for yourself.
Also most of the life examples are coming from some sweet suburban life where woman as a wife is supposed to manage the house and to host family dinners, and is having difficulties with that due to ADHD but is afraid to ask to support. As for me, the main problem here is the most these clients would need therapy even without ADHD. And you probably should ask for help doing your chores not just because you are struggling with ADHD but because you are not actually obligated to fulfill your gender expectations and to manage all the family stuff alone as a wife.
Overall seemed like the only existing type of ADHD in women is shy and quiet one, and that’s the only type this book speaks for.
It’s supposed to be empowering, and client stories — to be relatable. But as for me it looked like the narrator’s voice is pityful and they feel really sorry for you and want to guide you. Like you are some little helpless creature not being able to stand for yourself.
Also most of the life examples are coming from some sweet suburban life where woman as a wife is supposed to manage the house and to host family dinners, and is having difficulties with that due to ADHD but is afraid to ask to support. As for me, the main problem here is the most these clients would need therapy even without ADHD. And you probably should ask for help doing your chores not just because you are struggling with ADHD but because you are not actually obligated to fulfill your gender expectations and to manage all the family stuff alone as a wife.
Overall seemed like the only existing type of ADHD in women is shy and quiet one, and that’s the only type this book speaks for.
July 4, 2021
TLDR; Useless book if you are looking for one to learn how to make your life better with ADHD.
First of all, this book does not contain any contents of how to deal with all the difficulties in life when you have an executive function disorder. It doesn't tell you anything on how you can do better in your relationships, your financial or your career. Nor does it really provide any real examples of women who have ADHD.
This book is all about "accepting your differences". OK, I get it. Some ADHD women indeed need to hear that. However, it never really explicitly explained what the "differences" are and how to really embrace them. The examples in the books are like "well this girl she used to try to be like others, but now she accepted herself as a person with ADHD so now she's doing better" -- but wait, what and how? What exacly was she trying to do to "be like others" and what/how she accepted about herself? I can't believe someone can write a book just by playing with general meaning vocabularies like this.
ADHD is a serious disability. We literally doesn't have executive functions. As a women with ADHD, when I bought this book, I wish I could find some ways, or at least some idea on how to live a better life when I have ADHD. My career is a chaos, jumping from one to another, because my hyperfixation cannot last more than 3 months. My financial is, of course like all the others, are a disaster. My relationships are the same. Now I'm in my 30s, I'm worried about if I can be a good parent and what I can do to be better as a parent with ADHD. --None of these were talked about in this book. Seriously, I don't want to be like others. I tried hard just because I want to do better in my own life. However, this book just tells you to "accept yourself". Accepting what? That I am just going to play around my career until I have zero deeper skills on any aspect? That I'm not paying bills or taxes on time then I have bad credit that I can't even have loans? By just stating "accepting your ADHD then you will do better", it's the same as telling a blind person "well, you should just accept your diability then you will magically be better." No, to some of us, ADHD is a brain based disability, because it seriously affect our life. You have to take medications or learn skills to help with your missing executive functions. We don't need to be like other NTs for sure, but we do want to do better in our life. Just like a person who's blind accept themselves as blind but they still need a tool to read and navigate in their own world, we need to realize that there is something we need to do to make our life better, maybe it's a planner or timer, maybe someting else.
The title should not contain "Live Boldly, and Break Through Barriers", just "Embrace Neurodiversity" will be a more suitable title for this book.
First of all, this book does not contain any contents of how to deal with all the difficulties in life when you have an executive function disorder. It doesn't tell you anything on how you can do better in your relationships, your financial or your career. Nor does it really provide any real examples of women who have ADHD.
This book is all about "accepting your differences". OK, I get it. Some ADHD women indeed need to hear that. However, it never really explicitly explained what the "differences" are and how to really embrace them. The examples in the books are like "well this girl she used to try to be like others, but now she accepted herself as a person with ADHD so now she's doing better" -- but wait, what and how? What exacly was she trying to do to "be like others" and what/how she accepted about herself? I can't believe someone can write a book just by playing with general meaning vocabularies like this.
ADHD is a serious disability. We literally doesn't have executive functions. As a women with ADHD, when I bought this book, I wish I could find some ways, or at least some idea on how to live a better life when I have ADHD. My career is a chaos, jumping from one to another, because my hyperfixation cannot last more than 3 months. My financial is, of course like all the others, are a disaster. My relationships are the same. Now I'm in my 30s, I'm worried about if I can be a good parent and what I can do to be better as a parent with ADHD. --None of these were talked about in this book. Seriously, I don't want to be like others. I tried hard just because I want to do better in my own life. However, this book just tells you to "accept yourself". Accepting what? That I am just going to play around my career until I have zero deeper skills on any aspect? That I'm not paying bills or taxes on time then I have bad credit that I can't even have loans? By just stating "accepting your ADHD then you will do better", it's the same as telling a blind person "well, you should just accept your diability then you will magically be better." No, to some of us, ADHD is a brain based disability, because it seriously affect our life. You have to take medications or learn skills to help with your missing executive functions. We don't need to be like other NTs for sure, but we do want to do better in our life. Just like a person who's blind accept themselves as blind but they still need a tool to read and navigate in their own world, we need to realize that there is something we need to do to make our life better, maybe it's a planner or timer, maybe someting else.
The title should not contain "Live Boldly, and Break Through Barriers", just "Embrace Neurodiversity" will be a more suitable title for this book.
October 20, 2021
This was really hard to get through it was so frustrating. I have learnt more from TikTok about adhd in women then from this book. It feels very very old fashioned and bleak. It doesn’t really hit the mark of any celebration of the benefits of non neurotypical folks take on the world. I listened to the audiobook version and I see their are currently 16 people waiting to borrow it next. I wish I could reach out to them and tell them to not give it the time.
A lot of it is is framed as *despite what you believe, you can still achieve some level of a normal life and may even achieve some limited success* which is so bleak.
The example of the women who wanted to be a famous singer, but was able to instead aim much lower to partake in a local production, and achieve some level of success really got me as particularly condescending under the guise of setting realistic goals. Awful.
A lot of it is is framed as *despite what you believe, you can still achieve some level of a normal life and may even achieve some limited success* which is so bleak.
The example of the women who wanted to be a famous singer, but was able to instead aim much lower to partake in a local production, and achieve some level of success really got me as particularly condescending under the guise of setting realistic goals. Awful.
July 6, 2023
A feel-good pep talk for upper middle class white wives in the American Bible Belt who have had their worlds turned upside-down by a diagnosis of ADHD that loses all usefulness if you’re a woman who falls outside of this very narrow and privileged demographic.
Video review of four popular books on ADHD: https://youtu.be/O5i0b9CcpeU
You can find me on...
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You can join our book club over on Patreon...
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Video review of four popular books on ADHD: https://youtu.be/O5i0b9CcpeU
You can find me on...
Youtube | Instagram | TikTok
You can join our book club over on Patreon...
PBB Book Club
October 15, 2022
If you are a woman who is already accepting of your neurodivergence then this book may feel like it’s preaching to the converted. The intended audience is those who are carrying shame and confusion, which is not me, so I found little value from a personal perspective. As a mental health practitioner, I can see that it may have a place for some of my clients who are on a journey of acceptance.
September 13, 2021
DNF. Very myopic and surprisingly only focused on a very particular demographic (white, suburban moms/wives/“career women”). Much too focused on feel-goodisms and no actual information and no studies on anyone NOT in the above demographic
May 2, 2019
Generally I do not enjoy reading self-help books. This one grabbed my attention, because as someone with ADHD, and the parent of someone with ADHD, I wondered what new info or help could be gained. I was instantly surprised with how much resonated with me. Topics that I never considered to be ADHD related were suddenly revealed to me.
A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD walks you through the process of confronting uncomfortable facts of living with ADHD. ADHD is not all about not being able to sit still, or pay attention properly, or get things done. ADHD has so many other facets that leak into our everyday lives. Feelings of unworthiness or shame at how we live cause us to be one person on the inside and quite another on the outside. Without confronting these differences and accepting our challenges, we hide who we really are from the rest of the world.
This guide asks you to face those challenges of ADHD and accept that while we are different, different doesn’t mean bad or worthless or less than. Our ADHD traits may actually benefit us in many ways. Solden and Frank give us lessons from their own experiences as well as others. Each chapter addresses something that is common amongst women with ADHD, though we each may manifest it differently. The chapters ask questions. Questions that make you think about what it might be that you are locking away or avoiding because of your ADHD. It is a new and radical way of approaching ADHD.
“Women hide not from judgement itself but from the anticipation of pain, disappointment, and disconnection. While it seems that acts of hiding protect us from such discomfort and pain, these protective behaviors exact a large price as we diminish our own light. Instead of blocking and protecting, hiding actually keeps us farther away from what we long for.”
This particular passage resonated with me. This is only one of the many passages that will resonate with women who live every day with their ADHD.
If you are one of those women, or living with one, I highly recommend this book. It has changed me (baby steps) for the better. I will continue to use it as a workbook to try to gain more acceptance of my differences in my every day life. I can’t recommend this book enough.
This review will be posted at BookwormishMe.com close to publication date.
A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD walks you through the process of confronting uncomfortable facts of living with ADHD. ADHD is not all about not being able to sit still, or pay attention properly, or get things done. ADHD has so many other facets that leak into our everyday lives. Feelings of unworthiness or shame at how we live cause us to be one person on the inside and quite another on the outside. Without confronting these differences and accepting our challenges, we hide who we really are from the rest of the world.
This guide asks you to face those challenges of ADHD and accept that while we are different, different doesn’t mean bad or worthless or less than. Our ADHD traits may actually benefit us in many ways. Solden and Frank give us lessons from their own experiences as well as others. Each chapter addresses something that is common amongst women with ADHD, though we each may manifest it differently. The chapters ask questions. Questions that make you think about what it might be that you are locking away or avoiding because of your ADHD. It is a new and radical way of approaching ADHD.
“Women hide not from judgement itself but from the anticipation of pain, disappointment, and disconnection. While it seems that acts of hiding protect us from such discomfort and pain, these protective behaviors exact a large price as we diminish our own light. Instead of blocking and protecting, hiding actually keeps us farther away from what we long for.”
This particular passage resonated with me. This is only one of the many passages that will resonate with women who live every day with their ADHD.
If you are one of those women, or living with one, I highly recommend this book. It has changed me (baby steps) for the better. I will continue to use it as a workbook to try to gain more acceptance of my differences in my every day life. I can’t recommend this book enough.
This review will be posted at BookwormishMe.com close to publication date.
November 13, 2023
This book provides some valuable information on the functions and symptoms of women with ADHD along with some good tips. However, it is hard not to roll one's eye on a book that heavily employs girl-power-toxic-empowerment language, assumes every woman reading it is middle class and financially secure, and uses a woman's inability to sign up for her ideal yoga retreat, or another's having to go on a cruise rather than a traditional vacation as examples of challenges facing women with ADHD.
February 25, 2022
I’ve lived with a lot of secrecy and shame throughout my life, largely berating myself for being a failure as an adult. Yes, I managed to muscle myself through and complete a doctoral program, but so much of that also came from patient, kind, understanding, and empathetic professors, mentors, and friends who put a lot of effort into assuaging these fears (well, at least enough to calm my brain to get though the next hurdle).
As someone with depression and anxiety (both diagnoses that helped me be kinder to myself but not necessarily developing strategies), I’m not a stranger to approaching my brain and body as needing accommodations and alternatives. I didn’t, however, ever consider I might have ADHD. I knew those kids (mostly boys) in school who literally couldn’t sit still to save their lives. That wasn’t me—I was “good” in school, and “school performance” or “sitting still” seemed to be the only two things anyone ever used around me to describe ADHD. When I began to suspect that MAYBE I do, I had (highly credible and intelligent) friends quickly say, “No. You have a PhD, you read/write well, and you teach. If you did, you never could’ve gotten this far.” So, enter my continued reminders that what must be “wrong” with me, then, is just ME.
Shame piles of boxes and mail and books, standing in the middle of the room for 10-20 mins trying to decide what task to do next, any bill not on autopay getting forgotten/racking up late fees/penalties, starting a million tasks and never finishing them, mentally clocking out and then realizing I’ve lost hours, getting fixated on some tasks and struggling to pull away, telling a story and going down so many side tracks I forget what the point of the story was, sitting down to read/work/write and being pulled every 30 seconds down another rabbit hole, having NO concept of time (what time it is, how long it takes to do things, etc.) and therefore ending up either late to everything (usually) or hella early, deciding I can only tackle one major task a day because “I know I couldn’t possibly fit multiple major tasks into a day—there just isn’t time!”, managing intrusive thoughts, yelling at myself to JUST DO THE DAMN TASK IT’S PROBABLY NOT EVEN THAT HARD then beating myself up for my failure to do said task. The biggest part for me has been internalizing the messages that have been aimed at other people when I recognize the “same” in me: I’m a slob, messy, lazy, forgetful, unreliable, inconsiderate, annoying. These things are all the secrets I’ve felt I’ve poorly hidden over the years. How could anyone love me with these things?
These things have made me a more empathetic teacher to students, but I fear they’ve also made me a nightmare to supervisors, employers, administration, and even (I fear) friends and partners. I frequently thank my friends for “tolerating” me.
Enter this book.
While most of the above characteristics could be tacked here and there to my depression, my anxiety, the sociohistorical context, my upbringing, etc., NOTHING has ever addressed them ALL simultaneously like Solden and Franks’ book. While listening to it there were moments where they addressed a characteristic of women’s manifestation of ADHD and I would LITERALLY BE DOING THAT THING AT THAT MOMENT (hello, several months’ worth of clean clothes I haven’t folded).
Maybe I don’t have ADHD. Maybe I am just “trash” (the internal “not enough” monologue that rings through my head daily). But there are tears in my eyes writing this review for the way I feel seen and normalized instead of shamed and ostracized. And as a result of this book (and some lovely humans who have entered my life and encouraged me), I’m beginning my journey of testing/diagnosis for ADHD, finally, at the age of 37.
So, if nothing else, thank you, Sari and Michelle, for making me feel seen and giving me the language and tools to talk about this journey.
As someone with depression and anxiety (both diagnoses that helped me be kinder to myself but not necessarily developing strategies), I’m not a stranger to approaching my brain and body as needing accommodations and alternatives. I didn’t, however, ever consider I might have ADHD. I knew those kids (mostly boys) in school who literally couldn’t sit still to save their lives. That wasn’t me—I was “good” in school, and “school performance” or “sitting still” seemed to be the only two things anyone ever used around me to describe ADHD. When I began to suspect that MAYBE I do, I had (highly credible and intelligent) friends quickly say, “No. You have a PhD, you read/write well, and you teach. If you did, you never could’ve gotten this far.” So, enter my continued reminders that what must be “wrong” with me, then, is just ME.
Shame piles of boxes and mail and books, standing in the middle of the room for 10-20 mins trying to decide what task to do next, any bill not on autopay getting forgotten/racking up late fees/penalties, starting a million tasks and never finishing them, mentally clocking out and then realizing I’ve lost hours, getting fixated on some tasks and struggling to pull away, telling a story and going down so many side tracks I forget what the point of the story was, sitting down to read/work/write and being pulled every 30 seconds down another rabbit hole, having NO concept of time (what time it is, how long it takes to do things, etc.) and therefore ending up either late to everything (usually) or hella early, deciding I can only tackle one major task a day because “I know I couldn’t possibly fit multiple major tasks into a day—there just isn’t time!”, managing intrusive thoughts, yelling at myself to JUST DO THE DAMN TASK IT’S PROBABLY NOT EVEN THAT HARD then beating myself up for my failure to do said task. The biggest part for me has been internalizing the messages that have been aimed at other people when I recognize the “same” in me: I’m a slob, messy, lazy, forgetful, unreliable, inconsiderate, annoying. These things are all the secrets I’ve felt I’ve poorly hidden over the years. How could anyone love me with these things?
These things have made me a more empathetic teacher to students, but I fear they’ve also made me a nightmare to supervisors, employers, administration, and even (I fear) friends and partners. I frequently thank my friends for “tolerating” me.
Enter this book.
While most of the above characteristics could be tacked here and there to my depression, my anxiety, the sociohistorical context, my upbringing, etc., NOTHING has ever addressed them ALL simultaneously like Solden and Franks’ book. While listening to it there were moments where they addressed a characteristic of women’s manifestation of ADHD and I would LITERALLY BE DOING THAT THING AT THAT MOMENT (hello, several months’ worth of clean clothes I haven’t folded).
Maybe I don’t have ADHD. Maybe I am just “trash” (the internal “not enough” monologue that rings through my head daily). But there are tears in my eyes writing this review for the way I feel seen and normalized instead of shamed and ostracized. And as a result of this book (and some lovely humans who have entered my life and encouraged me), I’m beginning my journey of testing/diagnosis for ADHD, finally, at the age of 37.
So, if nothing else, thank you, Sari and Michelle, for making me feel seen and giving me the language and tools to talk about this journey.
October 2, 2019
As a therapist who works with (and has) ADHD, I am so grateful for this book! It touches on the emotional roadblocks that impact our lives with ADHD, and builds skills around mindfulness and self-compassion.
As another reviewer mentioned, this book may not be the best for folks who were very recently diagnosed with ADHD. There are other books that do a great job of explaining the latest research on ADHD and provide a basic overview of the diagnosis. There are also numerous ADHD books that focus on specific skills and strategies for organizing, productivity, time management, etc.
Learning skills to manage ADHD is really important, but at the end of the day you’re still going to have ADHD. There can be so much frustration with feeling like you’re using all of the coaching techniques and still falling short of expectations. This workbook creates space to explore where those expectations come from, and what would happen if you focus a bit more on self-acceptance than on change.
One final note: I appreciate that co-author Michelle Frank has spoken in interviews about this book being labeled “For Women” for a variety of reasons, and wanting the material to be accessible & inclusive across the gender spectrum (and specifically for trans & gender non-binary folks).
As another reviewer mentioned, this book may not be the best for folks who were very recently diagnosed with ADHD. There are other books that do a great job of explaining the latest research on ADHD and provide a basic overview of the diagnosis. There are also numerous ADHD books that focus on specific skills and strategies for organizing, productivity, time management, etc.
Learning skills to manage ADHD is really important, but at the end of the day you’re still going to have ADHD. There can be so much frustration with feeling like you’re using all of the coaching techniques and still falling short of expectations. This workbook creates space to explore where those expectations come from, and what would happen if you focus a bit more on self-acceptance than on change.
One final note: I appreciate that co-author Michelle Frank has spoken in interviews about this book being labeled “For Women” for a variety of reasons, and wanting the material to be accessible & inclusive across the gender spectrum (and specifically for trans & gender non-binary folks).
September 4, 2020
This book was very "light" and formatted like a workbook. It offered minimal insight or concrete advise that was relevant to me and my experience.
March 16, 2022
This felt neither radical nor feel like a guide. The book read very much like a motivational speaker, for the most part. Not the book I was expecting it to be at all.
February 23, 2021
Couldn’t decide between 3 and 4 stars. If you’re already familiar with the tools one gains in therapy for dealing with trauma, depression, and anxiety, then some of this will be old news. That said, if you’re a late diagnosis case, it’s still a worthwhile read. Some of the things you may think are trauma/anxiety related may have begun with unregulated adhd, which means the tools for tackling it successfully may be different. An entire book focusing on women’s symptoms is a blessed relief, given the overemphasis on male symptoms. This isn’t one of those “adhd is a gift” books (thank God, I hate that). It’s more of a head space book than lists of tools (although some are mentioned). The focus is on self compassion, self acceptance, learning to see your whole self rather than just your weaknesses, and using practical skills to reach your goals. The workbook style is effective. And you can tell it was designed for adhd women. Chapters are short. Points are clearly made. Lots of white space on each page. The book also makes the very good point that these issues are compounded by a patriarchal society when raised with traditional gender roles. Two thumbs up for that alone.
December 4, 2022
No answers, just excuses and forgiveness. The only thing you will get from this book is to accept yourself for having ADHD. Listened to the audiobook. Almost 6 hours of this crap and no help or guidance on how to function more productively with it. Thank God I borrowed it from the library and didn’t waste my money on it. So much fluff about accepting yourself with ADHD, that someone with ADHD would not be able to hold their attention on the subject matter.
January 16, 2022
I was diagnosed with ADHD in my senior year of high school. It has impacted me immensely over the years because it seemed like yet another obstacle for me to “get over”.
I didn’t really decide to learn about my disability until about a year ago, when my therapist recommended reading materials for my ADHD and I stumbled across this book via Audible. I realized that, by learning more about my ADHD, I am finally putting MYSELF in control.
Hearing stories from other women who also have the same struggles as I do (messiness, running late, forgetfulness, bad habits, the list goes ON...), this book did help me feel less hopeless and more positive, thus not only embracing, but owning my ADHD. It’s something we can never actually get over or rid of. ADHD is part of who I am ... and it’s here to stay, whether I like it or not!
And honestly, I've accepted it. This book truly really helped me to transform those negative, hurtful messages from my brain into positive, patient and compassionate statements. Because it’s the first book I’ve picked up on the subject, I'm not sure it's the best of the best, but it did the trick for me. It also inspired me to continue reading more about ADHD. For others who are also struggling with ADHD (and especially the shame/negative self-talk), I definitely recommend this book.
I didn’t really decide to learn about my disability until about a year ago, when my therapist recommended reading materials for my ADHD and I stumbled across this book via Audible. I realized that, by learning more about my ADHD, I am finally putting MYSELF in control.
Hearing stories from other women who also have the same struggles as I do (messiness, running late, forgetfulness, bad habits, the list goes ON...), this book did help me feel less hopeless and more positive, thus not only embracing, but owning my ADHD. It’s something we can never actually get over or rid of. ADHD is part of who I am ... and it’s here to stay, whether I like it or not!
And honestly, I've accepted it. This book truly really helped me to transform those negative, hurtful messages from my brain into positive, patient and compassionate statements. Because it’s the first book I’ve picked up on the subject, I'm not sure it's the best of the best, but it did the trick for me. It also inspired me to continue reading more about ADHD. For others who are also struggling with ADHD (and especially the shame/negative self-talk), I definitely recommend this book.
September 26, 2023
At last, a self-help book that focuses on acceptance and self-compassion instead of solutions focused on mimicking neurotypicals 😅
The solutions they DO talk about come with caveats like, strategies need to be personalized, and come from a place of power instead of pain. Overall, here’s the big idea the authors (who earned bonus points for being women with adhd themselves) state that moved me:
You don’t need to fix yourself to start living, to feel good about yourself, and to show the world who you are. You have ADHD and always will, which had to be okay- even if it doesn’t always feel okay- because it simply is the reality of your life. It doesn’t define you; it’s simply a description of how your brain is wired. 🤍
You might even say I learned enough about accepting my brain to post a review for my friends on goodreads who might not know of my diagnosis lol. In that way, and more, this book definitely helped me step outside of my comfort zone to be seen, known, and heard exactly as I am.
The solutions they DO talk about come with caveats like, strategies need to be personalized, and come from a place of power instead of pain. Overall, here’s the big idea the authors (who earned bonus points for being women with adhd themselves) state that moved me:
You don’t need to fix yourself to start living, to feel good about yourself, and to show the world who you are. You have ADHD and always will, which had to be okay- even if it doesn’t always feel okay- because it simply is the reality of your life. It doesn’t define you; it’s simply a description of how your brain is wired. 🤍
You might even say I learned enough about accepting my brain to post a review for my friends on goodreads who might not know of my diagnosis lol. In that way, and more, this book definitely helped me step outside of my comfort zone to be seen, known, and heard exactly as I am.
August 6, 2021
Not at all what I was expecting or looking for. I found it to be overflowing with cutesy buzzwords, such as mindful authenticity, and the overall feeling of the book came across to me as, “You deserve to exist and do stuff you want to, even though you have challenges!” Well gee, thanks for that.
Super heavy on the floofy psychobabble with very little that I found useful. I guess I’m not the shrinking violet type who needs permission to “take up space” in my own life for whom this book was written. I could physically feel my eyes crossing in annoyance through entire chapters.
Super heavy on the floofy psychobabble with very little that I found useful. I guess I’m not the shrinking violet type who needs permission to “take up space” in my own life for whom this book was written. I could physically feel my eyes crossing in annoyance through entire chapters.
March 15, 2021
The title and idea behind the book was way better than the execution. I was hoping to use this with psychotherapy clients but didn't find much of use in the book.
November 22, 2022
Meh. Feels dated and it was published in 2019. Very superficial and narrowly focused on upper class, hetero, WASPy women.
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November 14, 2025I was expecting more practical solutions but this is more self help leaning, still worth it. Interesting how big of a role shame plays in our decision-making.
May 15, 2020
Forget $250/session ADHD counseling - all you need is this book! I rarely write reviews but this is a game-changer for any woman (or really anybody) struggling with ADHD. I have read every self help book for ADHD out there and have never really connected with the solutions they offer or ideas they discuss - but this one is different. It dives in deep to the psychological underlying reasons why you experience shame and difficulty coping (in a way that kind of blew my mind). Then it has exercises to help you address those feelings and your history with them in order to move towards positive acceptance. It honestly felt more like a therapy session more than a self help book! Could not recommend this book more to anybody who is struggling.
However, I will say that I don't think this book is for people who are newly diagnosed. So much of it requires that you reflect on your history of relationship with ADHD that I doubt it would be very helpful if you're still in the first stages of "grief" after a diagnosis - this book is more for people who have been stuck in shame and fear for several years and would like to move on to "radical acceptance."
However, I will say that I don't think this book is for people who are newly diagnosed. So much of it requires that you reflect on your history of relationship with ADHD that I doubt it would be very helpful if you're still in the first stages of "grief" after a diagnosis - this book is more for people who have been stuck in shame and fear for several years and would like to move on to "radical acceptance."
June 4, 2023
I appreciated that I could understand a lot of the rhetoric in this book bc of tik tok, meaning the people on there aren’t just talking out of their asses.
However, I don’t feel like this was a very helpful read. Idk there was a lot of emphasis on specific symptoms, especially being messy, which is not a trait I think I have. I don’t think I’m any messier than a neurotypical person and I don’t really understand why it was such a large part of some sections.
I wish there was some discussion of of how adhd interacts with mental illness, as I struggle a lot with anxiety and that changes a lot of my behaviors so they’re not always recognizable as adhd traits.
They also mention a couple of times that things are different for woman from different backgrounds (race, socioeconomic status, sexuality, etc) but don’t put any effort into gearing any of the book to said individuals, which makes it extra unhelpful.
However, I don’t feel like this was a very helpful read. Idk there was a lot of emphasis on specific symptoms, especially being messy, which is not a trait I think I have. I don’t think I’m any messier than a neurotypical person and I don’t really understand why it was such a large part of some sections.
I wish there was some discussion of of how adhd interacts with mental illness, as I struggle a lot with anxiety and that changes a lot of my behaviors so they’re not always recognizable as adhd traits.
They also mention a couple of times that things are different for woman from different backgrounds (race, socioeconomic status, sexuality, etc) but don’t put any effort into gearing any of the book to said individuals, which makes it extra unhelpful.
July 1, 2019
In this terrific book, Sari Solden and Michelle Frank offer extremely useful tips and tools for how women with ADHD can transform negative messages, shame and fear and live confident, authentic and courageous lives. Packed with helpful discovery and reflection exercises and stories from real women, including themselves, this book puts forth a positive perspective that will assist readers in accepting their brains--and themselves--with more compassion and insight. Succinct take-aways at the end of each chapter synthesize key points and ideas for improving communication and self-regulation skills are presented throughout. I’m planning to recommend and use this book immediately with my clients!
September 3, 2022
I borrowed the audio from my library and about halfway into this book, I ordered a paperback that I could highlight and annotate. This is definitely a helpful, insightful guide for real women. I feel seen and understood. I also feel empowered. A must read for ADHD women and those who love them.
January 8, 2024
This book was so helpful for me exploring my thoughts and feelings about my recent diagnosis. It helped me turn around some of the ways I’ve been thinking about myself and my ADHD. I would have loved it to have some more concrete strategies, but otherwise it was a helpful read.
May 11, 2024
This book was very validating to my experiences, helpful and empowering ❤️
July 1, 2025
Me: Oh yeah I read that book you recommended! I really related with it
My therapist: Jk I don't think you have adhd anymore
My therapist: Jk I don't think you have adhd anymore
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