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352 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published July 1, 2002
'"I'm not really joking," he said,turning his head towards Alex. 'I mean it. I can't imagine a future without you.'Alex looked down at him and said softly, "Nor I".At moments like this, Edmund had the sense of everything settling into place. This, then, was love - not love as his father wanted it, all tied up with property and respectability and procreation. This was love that demanded nothing but itself.' (p93)
'Into his mind, vivid and disturbing, slipped the moment yesterday morning in the changing room when Jordan had turned and looked at him. It had only taken an instant, but there had been a sort of connection. An exchange, an unspoken understanding. He had stared openly at Jordan as he stood there naked; he had gazed for too long, and Jordan had seen and not minded. Jordan's glance had seemed to say: I know. It's all right.
God, what am I thinking? Is he - am I - does he think - do I--' (p176)
'Greg walked back slowly, kicking at leaves, thinking about Jordan. I am not gay, he told himself. Not even remotely. Just because I--Just because he's always on my mind. Just because I'd rather be with him than with anyone else. Just because it's enough to be together, not even talking. Just because he obviously likes me the same way.Again, Greg thought of that glance, of what had seemed like a current running between them. But what had Jordan actually said? Hi. Ready in a couple of minutes, if you don't mind hanging on. Definitely not the words of someone who had just experienced a blinding revelation. Male bonding, Greg decided, that's all.' (p178)
'And Edmund, unable to reconcile his Church of England upbringing with what he had discovered about his sexual leanings, had been glad to discard God. Now, though, in his desperation, he yearned for the comfort of a father-figure who would listen and heed and intervene. He closed his eyes and tried to pray as he had never prayed before...Alex's suffering was a punishment for his homosexuality. And his own punishment was this: to be forced to stand by, helplessly, while his lover passed through torment and out of his reach.' (p115-156)
"Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind; it is an abomination!" the Reverend Tillety quoted fiercely. "So it is written in the Book of Leviticus. And what is wrong in God's eyes cannot be made to seem right or justifiable, whatever the situation. I will not listen while you make excuses for your sin - if it is repulsive to me, imagine how much more repulsive it is to the Lord! You must realize, man, that not only is it morally repugnant, it is also a crime in the eyes of the law! Have you no shame?"' (p304-305)
'"You didn't answer just now when I asked if you minded.""No. No, I don't mind. But if you're asking if I'm gay--"Jordan nodded, waiting.Greg shook his head. "I've never thought so. But it's doing my head in. I mean I fancy girls. I don't know any more - it's weird, all this--""All this what? What's doing your head in?""This is. You are. I think about you all the time." Greg's mouth wrenched itself into a grimacing smile; he shook his head, looking down at his clasped hands."What's funny?""Can't believe what I just said."' (p210-211)