What do you think?
Rate this book
The Grid: Lessons from the Men of Grindr
The Lessons from the Men of Grindr is a biographical, infotainment-themed exploration of the impacts that Grindr (a gay dating app) has had on a generation of queer people.
Author Lex, Esq. is an attorney and LGBTQ+ blogger. In the book, he revisits three of his early Grindr relationships in order to extract lessons and understand how the gay men of dating apps had slowly ruined him. Far from dating tips, The Grid pulls from Lex’s personal mistakes to critically examine gay dating themes, feeling jaded, mental abuse, loneliness, addiction to apps, competition, unequal effort between partners, instant gratification, internalized shame, coming out, catfishing, sexual guilt, sending nudes, sexual safety and more. The Grid pulls numerous lessons from these themes in an attempt to create a better informed and less soul-crushing gay dating experience.
Lex, Esq. and his blogs can be followed @theproblemgays on Instagram and www.theproblemgays.com.
Author Lex, Esq. is an attorney and LGBTQ+ blogger. In the book, he revisits three of his early Grindr relationships in order to extract lessons and understand how the gay men of dating apps had slowly ruined him. Far from dating tips, The Grid pulls from Lex’s personal mistakes to critically examine gay dating themes, feeling jaded, mental abuse, loneliness, addiction to apps, competition, unequal effort between partners, instant gratification, internalized shame, coming out, catfishing, sexual guilt, sending nudes, sexual safety and more. The Grid pulls numerous lessons from these themes in an attempt to create a better informed and less soul-crushing gay dating experience.
Lex, Esq. and his blogs can be followed @theproblemgays on Instagram and www.theproblemgays.com.
120 pages, Paperback
Published July 20, 2018
16 people are currently reading
31 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
August 25, 2019
Good read!
I really enjoyed this book and look forward to future installments! It was an easy read and very relatable. Has me rethinking my use of apps and goals for dating.
I really enjoyed this book and look forward to future installments! It was an easy read and very relatable. Has me rethinking my use of apps and goals for dating.
July 26, 2018
This book takes a very insightful look into the world of gay dating and obsession over hook-up apps. It is well written and very relatable with no dull moments. I enjoyed reading this and read it all in one go. It forced me to stop and think about my own experiences and how they've shaped the person I am today, and made me reflect on who I am and who I want to be. I highly recommend this book to everyone - not just gay men, but all people who are struggling in this world of instant gratification and technology obsession.
July 30, 2018
Great book about what it’s like to date as a gay man with technology. Grindr is an addictive app, and no one seems to know that better than Lex. His experiences are very relatable; so much so that it feels like some of his words came from my mouth. And for a single guy he gives some pretty good dating advice. But I wouldn’t call it dating advice so much as life and relationship advice.
January 27, 2025
The Grid: Lessons from the Men of Grindr hit me in ways I wasn’t expecting. It’s more than just a book about Grindr. It’s a raw, funny, and painfully honest look at what it means to be queer in a world where intimacy is filtered through apps and fleeting connections.
The stories and insights in this book felt so familiar, like they were plucked right out of my own experiences or conversations with friends. It doesn’t shy away from the messiness of queer relationships, the longing, the rejection, the hookups that mean nothing or everything. But it’s not all heavy; the humor is sharp and unapologetically queer, making the emotional punches land even harder.
What I love most is how the author doesn’t try to sugarcoat anything. Instead, they capture the complexities of Grindr, how it’s not just about sex, but about identity, validation, and the endless search for connection. It’s real, it’s human, and it left me reflecting on my own experiences with dating, technology, and community.
If you’ve ever been on Grindr (or just curious about what it’s like), this book will speak to you. It’s like looking into a mirror you didn’t know you needed. Five stars, without a doubt.
The stories and insights in this book felt so familiar, like they were plucked right out of my own experiences or conversations with friends. It doesn’t shy away from the messiness of queer relationships, the longing, the rejection, the hookups that mean nothing or everything. But it’s not all heavy; the humor is sharp and unapologetically queer, making the emotional punches land even harder.
What I love most is how the author doesn’t try to sugarcoat anything. Instead, they capture the complexities of Grindr, how it’s not just about sex, but about identity, validation, and the endless search for connection. It’s real, it’s human, and it left me reflecting on my own experiences with dating, technology, and community.
If you’ve ever been on Grindr (or just curious about what it’s like), this book will speak to you. It’s like looking into a mirror you didn’t know you needed. Five stars, without a doubt.
April 6, 2020
Halfway through this book, and the author is still stuck on this one never-ending story about the *same* toxic, long-term relationship... I cannot read another paragraph. Misleading title, since mid-way there are plenty of lessons but 0nly two men and only a few paragraphs of Grindr. Introduction aside, the book gives no real insight into navigating the dating app itself(!), but is more an exercise in self-indulgent rehashing of a bad relationship.
I would recommend checking out the author's blog, but this book is a miss.
I would recommend checking out the author's blog, but this book is a miss.
March 17, 2021
Very relevant and resonating!
December 9, 2020
I hope the author found it cathartic to write this.
I’ve followed his Instagram blog (now rebranded as @theboringgay) for some time, and we don’t always see eye to eye. Here, too, his writing is seeded with enough truths to be relatable, but they are prevented from fully blooming by various combinations of bitterness, condescension, and several anxieties. This project could greatly benefit from further research and reading (for example, there are well-known prior works on the subject of some gay men’s drive to achieve outward “success” so as to “make up” for their original “sin” of homosexuality), as well as additional self-reflection on the author’s part, including how some of his own actions as recounted in these tales could be perceived as cringeworthy rather than noble.
Two stars because it manages to be readable despite the lack of an editor, and because I enjoy a cup of hot tea.
I no longer follow his blog.
[N.B. This 111-page “book” is self-published. I failed to notice its length or nature when I impulse-bought it, so I am making a note here in case that information is relevant to anyone else.]
I’ve followed his Instagram blog (now rebranded as @theboringgay) for some time, and we don’t always see eye to eye. Here, too, his writing is seeded with enough truths to be relatable, but they are prevented from fully blooming by various combinations of bitterness, condescension, and several anxieties. This project could greatly benefit from further research and reading (for example, there are well-known prior works on the subject of some gay men’s drive to achieve outward “success” so as to “make up” for their original “sin” of homosexuality), as well as additional self-reflection on the author’s part, including how some of his own actions as recounted in these tales could be perceived as cringeworthy rather than noble.
Two stars because it manages to be readable despite the lack of an editor, and because I enjoy a cup of hot tea.
I no longer follow his blog.
[N.B. This 111-page “book” is self-published. I failed to notice its length or nature when I impulse-bought it, so I am making a note here in case that information is relevant to anyone else.]
September 2, 2020
I knew about the author’s Instagram, and enjoyed already the inspirational quotes he was making so wanted to try this book for a while.
I really enjoyed the stories, and I feel like I’ve learned a bit from seeing his perspective on his stories. I recognised some of my experiences from his or the people he’s met. It helps me in a way to understand and his storytelling is much like a buddy telling you about his experiences.
There’s just something about the format that I didn’t like so much. He tells a story and then tells about what he learned from that and makes advices. I like that he’s taking the positive notes from the stories and I think we should all take life lessons from all our experiences. But there’s something about the format that seems a bit stiff.
Maybe it would have been more successful to me if he had only told the stories and then included the lessons as their own stories, like applied to other stories or how he came to that revelation.
I really enjoyed the book though and I’m actually reading part 2. I’ve also deleted all my apps accounts while reading the book, thing I’ve never done before but hadn’t been on there for months anyway. These apps are so toxic and it’s good to see people finally starting to speak about their effects.
I really enjoyed the stories, and I feel like I’ve learned a bit from seeing his perspective on his stories. I recognised some of my experiences from his or the people he’s met. It helps me in a way to understand and his storytelling is much like a buddy telling you about his experiences.
There’s just something about the format that I didn’t like so much. He tells a story and then tells about what he learned from that and makes advices. I like that he’s taking the positive notes from the stories and I think we should all take life lessons from all our experiences. But there’s something about the format that seems a bit stiff.
Maybe it would have been more successful to me if he had only told the stories and then included the lessons as their own stories, like applied to other stories or how he came to that revelation.
I really enjoyed the book though and I’m actually reading part 2. I’ve also deleted all my apps accounts while reading the book, thing I’ve never done before but hadn’t been on there for months anyway. These apps are so toxic and it’s good to see people finally starting to speak about their effects.
September 8, 2018
Funny and very blunt, Lex tells stories that even those who haven’t used Grindr can relate to. A great examination of how small social media can make the world— the tales are wild and sometimes SCARY (so when can we hear what happens with William!?) but also heartfelt and entertaining.
Someone write a script for a series please!
Someone write a script for a series please!
September 3, 2018
Truest
I found myself drawing many parallels to his experiences. It is a constant love/hate relationships with these apps which unfortunately are a part of reality.
I found myself drawing many parallels to his experiences. It is a constant love/hate relationships with these apps which unfortunately are a part of reality.
November 8, 2018
Great read
Followed you on Instagram for a while now, excited to see that you wrote this book. I could relate in many ways and I think that’s I loved most about this. Keep working hard and hope to find out what happens in part two
Followed you on Instagram for a while now, excited to see that you wrote this book. I could relate in many ways and I think that’s I loved most about this. Keep working hard and hope to find out what happens in part two
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews