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It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered
New York Times
bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst unveils her heart amid shattering circumstances and shows readers how to live assured when life doesn't turn out like they expected.
What do you do when God’s timing seems questionable, His lack of intervention hurtful, and His promises doubtful?
Life often looks so very different than we hoped or expected. Some events may simply catch us off guard for a moment, but others shatter us completely. We feel disappointed and disillusioned, and we quietly start to wonder about the reality of God’s goodness.
Lysa TerKeurst understands this deeply. But she's also discovered that our disappointments can be the divine appointments our souls need to radically encounter God. In It's Not Supposed to Be This Way, Lysa invites us into her own journey of faith and, with grit, vulnerability, and honest humor, helps us to:
Stop being pulled into the anxiety of disappointment by discovering how to better process unmet expectations and other painful situations.
Train ourselves to recognize the three strategies of the enemy so we can stand strong and persevere through unsettling relationships and uncertain outcomes.
Discover the secret of being steadfast and not panicking when God actually does give us more than we can handle.
Shift our suspicion that God is cruel or unfair to the biblical assurance that God is protecting and preparing us.
Know how to encourage a friend and help her navigate hard realities with real help from God's truth.
What do you do when God’s timing seems questionable, His lack of intervention hurtful, and His promises doubtful?
Life often looks so very different than we hoped or expected. Some events may simply catch us off guard for a moment, but others shatter us completely. We feel disappointed and disillusioned, and we quietly start to wonder about the reality of God’s goodness.
Lysa TerKeurst understands this deeply. But she's also discovered that our disappointments can be the divine appointments our souls need to radically encounter God. In It's Not Supposed to Be This Way, Lysa invites us into her own journey of faith and, with grit, vulnerability, and honest humor, helps us to:
Stop being pulled into the anxiety of disappointment by discovering how to better process unmet expectations and other painful situations.
Train ourselves to recognize the three strategies of the enemy so we can stand strong and persevere through unsettling relationships and uncertain outcomes.
Discover the secret of being steadfast and not panicking when God actually does give us more than we can handle.
Shift our suspicion that God is cruel or unfair to the biblical assurance that God is protecting and preparing us.
Know how to encourage a friend and help her navigate hard realities with real help from God's truth.
Audio CD
First published November 13, 2018
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About the author
Lysa TerKeurst
143 books33.2k followersLysa TerKeurst is President and Chief Visionary Officer of Proverbs 31 Ministries. She is also an 8x New York Times’ bestselling author of I Want to Trust You, but I Don't, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, Uninvited and more. Her devotional Embraced won the ECPA book of the year for 2019. Lysa was also recently awarded the Champions of Faith Author Award and has appeared on the Today Show many times as one of the leading voices in the Christian community.
Each year, Lysa is a featured keynote presenter at events all across North America and online, including the Global Leadership Network. She also tours state-to-state regularly with TPR. She has a passion for equipping women to share their stories for God’s glory through Proverbs 31 Ministries’ annual She Speaks Conference and her writer training program called COMPEL Pro. Connect with Lysa on social media @lysaterkeurst or at lysaterkeurst.com.
Each year, Lysa is a featured keynote presenter at events all across North America and online, including the Global Leadership Network. She also tours state-to-state regularly with TPR. She has a passion for equipping women to share their stories for God’s glory through Proverbs 31 Ministries’ annual She Speaks Conference and her writer training program called COMPEL Pro. Connect with Lysa on social media @lysaterkeurst or at lysaterkeurst.com.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,979 reviews
September 18, 2018
This book came exactly when I needed it, and I haven't stopped recommending it since. In It's Not Supposed to be This Way Lysa addresses the things and hurts that happen in our lives that leave us questioning where God has gone. The disappointment that comes from loving and following Him, obeying Him, and watching your world fall apart. And she challenges us to lean into Him in this space between two gardens and trust His heart. In the pages, she is vulnerable, focused, wise, and encouraging. I truly want to sit at her kitchen table, hold her hand and prayer with her, and then have her do the same as I cry over my disappointments. What I appreciate most about this book though is the way that she relentlessly points us back to our Father. There are prayers. There are Bible verses. There are questions to force us to wrestle with our fears. And in my copy of the book, there are underlines and "Yes!" throughout. I highly recommend this book and can't wait for it to release so I can read through it with others.
September 8, 2021
4.5 stars
This was so good and motivational! Absolutely loved it, and such a needed read.
This was so good and motivational! Absolutely loved it, and such a needed read.
Audio book source: Hoopla
Story Rating: 4.5 stars
Narrators: Lysa TerKeurst
Narration Rating: 4.5 stars
Genre: Non-fiction
Length: 6h 7m
February 19, 2021
Its not supposed to be this way ⭐️
Bookclub questions
How would you define disappointment?
Was there a certain part of the story that impacted you most?
What would happen in our lives if we lived in the Absolute assurance of God’s love in the midst of our disappointment?
If the enemy can isolate us. He can influence us pg7
Was there a time you felt the enemy winning in your life?
God is a restirctive God. I know better.
Why do we think we know better than God?
Take this pain away. Why was God choosing not to?
Doesnt a relationship mean showing up when needed?
Naked and unashamed character 4
When was the last time you felt not good enough? What did You do? Whatdid God do? Ch.5
Was there ever a time when you needed that purple heart medal to encourage you to keep going? Ch 6
When God gives you more than you can handle... how can you still trust him? Turn to him? ch 7
How can we trust God through everything we are facing?
Ch10
Dear lord if there is anything in any of our lives that we feel just isn’t supposed to be this way would you guide us and help us see that you are there. Help us to why we are going through this hard time. I know struggling and waiting is hard so be here for us Lord, amen
Bookclub questions
How would you define disappointment?
Was there a certain part of the story that impacted you most?
What would happen in our lives if we lived in the Absolute assurance of God’s love in the midst of our disappointment?
If the enemy can isolate us. He can influence us pg7
Was there a time you felt the enemy winning in your life?
God is a restirctive God. I know better.
Why do we think we know better than God?
Take this pain away. Why was God choosing not to?
Doesnt a relationship mean showing up when needed?
Naked and unashamed character 4
When was the last time you felt not good enough? What did You do? Whatdid God do? Ch.5
Was there ever a time when you needed that purple heart medal to encourage you to keep going? Ch 6
When God gives you more than you can handle... how can you still trust him? Turn to him? ch 7
How can we trust God through everything we are facing?
Ch10
Dear lord if there is anything in any of our lives that we feel just isn’t supposed to be this way would you guide us and help us see that you are there. Help us to why we are going through this hard time. I know struggling and waiting is hard so be here for us Lord, amen
November 8, 2018
If we live long enough, I think there are tough moments that come when most of us say, It's not supposed to be this way. We wonder why these things happen. The past few years, Lysa Terkeurst has faced some tough challenges which she shares in her new book, It's Not Supposed To Be This Way.
It's Not Supposed To Be This Way is Terkeurst's story of how she handled the hard things of the past few years and how turning to God helped her face them. This book is part memoir and part an inspirational encouragement book for anyone reading it who is facing tough challenges and struggling. At the end of each chapter, Terkeurst has a "Remember" section with some of the most important ideas from each chapter that she encourages readers to cling to. That section is followed by a "Receive" section with several Bible verses to soak in and meditate on. Then she offers a "Reflect" section with questions to think on. This book pairs well with your Bible, of course, but it would also be helpful to use a journal along with it to get the most out of it. Then there is a prayer to pray at the end.
I have faced a different set of hard challenges the past few years--my own set of heartbreaks. It's Not Supposed to be this Way is like sitting down with Terkeurst in a coffee shop and sharing the hard things together. All through this book, she shares her heartfelt story in a way that leaves you feeling like she is in the hard things of life with you and not above you. She shares hard things, embarrassing moments and moments she even had to laugh rather than cry. . .although she did share about the crying too. This book helped me want to draw closer to God and to others facing hard things. After reading it, I feel like we can indeed face these hard things together and with God and we will make it until God says, "Well done good and faithful servant." It isn't a fast read, and I wouldn't expect that from this book. It is a good book to use with a journal and maybe to share with a trusted friend or counselor as you work through it. I highly recommend it to any Christian going through hard stuff. I am sorry to hear all of the hard things Terkeurst has gone through, but I think this is one of the best books of it's kind that I have read because she has been there and has compassion for the reader.
I received an ARC of this book from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review.
It's Not Supposed To Be This Way is Terkeurst's story of how she handled the hard things of the past few years and how turning to God helped her face them. This book is part memoir and part an inspirational encouragement book for anyone reading it who is facing tough challenges and struggling. At the end of each chapter, Terkeurst has a "Remember" section with some of the most important ideas from each chapter that she encourages readers to cling to. That section is followed by a "Receive" section with several Bible verses to soak in and meditate on. Then she offers a "Reflect" section with questions to think on. This book pairs well with your Bible, of course, but it would also be helpful to use a journal along with it to get the most out of it. Then there is a prayer to pray at the end.
I have faced a different set of hard challenges the past few years--my own set of heartbreaks. It's Not Supposed to be this Way is like sitting down with Terkeurst in a coffee shop and sharing the hard things together. All through this book, she shares her heartfelt story in a way that leaves you feeling like she is in the hard things of life with you and not above you. She shares hard things, embarrassing moments and moments she even had to laugh rather than cry. . .although she did share about the crying too. This book helped me want to draw closer to God and to others facing hard things. After reading it, I feel like we can indeed face these hard things together and with God and we will make it until God says, "Well done good and faithful servant." It isn't a fast read, and I wouldn't expect that from this book. It is a good book to use with a journal and maybe to share with a trusted friend or counselor as you work through it. I highly recommend it to any Christian going through hard stuff. I am sorry to hear all of the hard things Terkeurst has gone through, but I think this is one of the best books of it's kind that I have read because she has been there and has compassion for the reader.
I received an ARC of this book from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review.
January 13, 2019
I know a lot of you are curious about this book, so here’s a rundown for you.
I was nervous that it was going to be a lot of Christian platitudes on struggling.....the thing is, it kind of is, but I didn’t hate it. I think I’m at a point where I need to hear it. For instance, “Don’t welcome hardness of heart as easiness of life.” Eeek. She also couples those by always saying she’s been there, she gets it. So she does it in a way that doesn’t make it seem like “platitudes” but truths that are to be walked in.
That said, I wouldn’t ever give this to someone whose suffering is super fresh. Maybe that’s just me, but if someone expected me to see suffering as good the day after the ball dropped, I’d probably throw the book out the window. It’s more for someone in a long-suffering season of life. Or perhaps someone whose wounds aren’t so incredibly fresh, but still raw.
There is a lot of scripture (I especially loved her expounding of the moabites).
There is some amount of cheese, for sure, but that’s kind of lysa’s thing. (She suggests changing “Impossible” to “I’m possible”)
She is honest about her marriage and health struggles but not in a way that is disrespectful to her husband.
There are a lot of analogies so steer clear if that drives you crazy. But I found her allegory at the end of the book beautiful.
Anyway - hope that helps. I’m a reader, not a writer 😝
I was nervous that it was going to be a lot of Christian platitudes on struggling.....the thing is, it kind of is, but I didn’t hate it. I think I’m at a point where I need to hear it. For instance, “Don’t welcome hardness of heart as easiness of life.” Eeek. She also couples those by always saying she’s been there, she gets it. So she does it in a way that doesn’t make it seem like “platitudes” but truths that are to be walked in.
That said, I wouldn’t ever give this to someone whose suffering is super fresh. Maybe that’s just me, but if someone expected me to see suffering as good the day after the ball dropped, I’d probably throw the book out the window. It’s more for someone in a long-suffering season of life. Or perhaps someone whose wounds aren’t so incredibly fresh, but still raw.
There is a lot of scripture (I especially loved her expounding of the moabites).
There is some amount of cheese, for sure, but that’s kind of lysa’s thing. (She suggests changing “Impossible” to “I’m possible”)
She is honest about her marriage and health struggles but not in a way that is disrespectful to her husband.
There are a lot of analogies so steer clear if that drives you crazy. But I found her allegory at the end of the book beautiful.
Anyway - hope that helps. I’m a reader, not a writer 😝
April 8, 2019
I have to admit, this was a difficult book for me to read at this stage of my life. I appreciated so much this author's vulnerability to share the not so beautiful parts of her life in order to shine God's light and to help others.
It certainly helped me to see God's hand even in the crushing times.
It certainly helped me to see God's hand even in the crushing times.
May 7, 2023
This was another one of those books that is read at the correct time and it ties in with other books I have recently read.
Get your Bible, journal, pens, and a big box of tissues ready. Be prepared to face things in your life that are painful.
This book is also a good bookend to “Sugar Fast” by Wendy Speake. It will keep what “Sugar Fast” started going.
Get your Bible, journal, pens, and a big box of tissues ready. Be prepared to face things in your life that are painful.
This book is also a good bookend to “Sugar Fast” by Wendy Speake. It will keep what “Sugar Fast” started going.
July 3, 2020
I can't recommend this book enough.
I recently went through a painful round of rejection that hurt so deeply and substantially, my mom and I went on a spur-of-the-moment road trip just to see family. I'm forever grateful I have her to be my confidant & mother. I believe God used that week-long vacation to restore my hope in Him alone, not in my circumstances.
I picked this book up at the perfect time. I feel as close to God as I've ever been in my life. There is a purpose in our suffering, and I believe mine was to know what it looked like to surrender to God when everything I've ever wanted seemed to be within my grasp. It just wasn't with the right person.
It's earth-shattering, that disappointment.
Lysa writes about her own painful testimony of her husband's affair, and I appreciated how raw and true her hurt came across on the pages. Why would I want to read about someone sharing how painful disappoint is when the only disappointment they've experienced lately is the barista at Starbucks messing up their order?
I'm so thankful there is a purpose in the suffering. Lysa utilizes so much scripture, and points us to Jesus in every chapter. If you've ever wondered why God allows His children to be sad, and to hurt, I'd definitely recommend giving this book a read. It offers an amazing, soul-altering perspective, and one that I'd been missing for awhile.
I recently went through a painful round of rejection that hurt so deeply and substantially, my mom and I went on a spur-of-the-moment road trip just to see family. I'm forever grateful I have her to be my confidant & mother. I believe God used that week-long vacation to restore my hope in Him alone, not in my circumstances.
I picked this book up at the perfect time. I feel as close to God as I've ever been in my life. There is a purpose in our suffering, and I believe mine was to know what it looked like to surrender to God when everything I've ever wanted seemed to be within my grasp. It just wasn't with the right person.
It's earth-shattering, that disappointment.
Lysa writes about her own painful testimony of her husband's affair, and I appreciated how raw and true her hurt came across on the pages. Why would I want to read about someone sharing how painful disappoint is when the only disappointment they've experienced lately is the barista at Starbucks messing up their order?
I'm so thankful there is a purpose in the suffering. Lysa utilizes so much scripture, and points us to Jesus in every chapter. If you've ever wondered why God allows His children to be sad, and to hurt, I'd definitely recommend giving this book a read. It offers an amazing, soul-altering perspective, and one that I'd been missing for awhile.
Read
January 21, 2019I'm not going to rate this book because I have some serious Catholic guilt that would come into play if I did, but I will tell you a little bit about what you might want to know about it if you are considering picking it up.
Lysa TerKeurst is a good writer. She's relatable. She has a sense of humor. She's grounded. She's bright. It's clear that a lot of serious thought, meditation, and prayer has gone into her writing. She's extremely self reflective and earnest.
Girl LOVES her some extended metaphors. At various points in the book, our lives are dust, paintings, bathing suits, cakes, you name it.
The catalyst for Lysa writing this book was finding out that her husband of twenty-something years was having an affair and separating from him just one year before their youngest kid was going to be leaving the house and she thought they would finally get to have their second act of life together. She also writes about two unexpected health issues that knocked her for a loop. She makes an effort to give advice that can apply to any disappointing scenario. Her target audience is very clearly women.
She can come off as a bit judgmental at times, particularly when discussing the sinfulness of a friend's extramarital affair. But I think, in that case, she was just trying to make a very strong point about how giving into temptation and quick fixes can ultimately end up disappointing us.
The big thing to keep in mind is that this book is very, very, VERY religious. I assume that most picking it up would realize that the author is writing from a Christian perspective, but it's important to know going in that this is one long sermon about God's plan. Bible verses, metaphors, parables, and personal stories combine to tell the message over and over: "Everything happens for a reason. God has a plan for you." At the beginning of the book, Lysa promises no bumper sticker sayings or cliche platitudes. But, in the end, that's what the whole book boils down to.
I appreciate the deep and thoughtful way that Lysa breaks down those concepts. She gives the reader permission to feel hurt and overwhelmed and angry and gives a lot of examples of times in her own life and in friends' lives when God "loved them too much to answer their prayers in the way that they wanted." She hammers this message in over and over and compares it to children who sometimes can't understand that discomfort or pain now will help them later. I don't think she gave this example in a book, but it made me think about when a baby is given a shot. There's a tiny pinprick of pain, and parents hate to see how scary that pain might be for the baby, but they don't take the baby home without the shot just because the baby cries and doesn't want the shot. The baby doesn't realize that the shot is necessary now to avoid pain, sickness, or even death later. I find that metaphor to be somewhat reassuring in some cases, but I can only really happily apply that to some situations. I am never going to be able to reconcile war, genocide, starvation, natural disasters, murder, suicide, and human evil with "God has a plan."
I found it notable that none of the examples in Lysa's book really have to do with a person dying. They are mostly examples of times when she could actually point to a bit of the "why" because pain and suffering eventually led to some good coming of the situation. For example, she was in so much abdominal pain in the hospital that it led her doctors to run more tests and find something that could have killed her, and they were able to fix it. She prayed for God to take the pain away, but if he had, she would have died. (A bit cheesy and simplistic to me, and hard to compare to pain when someone does actually die. What good is that pain for?) She does talk about how human suffering and pain brings us together and how we experience pain so that we can be compassionate toward others. But I don't know that I could take her message and make it fit with some of the worst case scenarios in this world, like child death.
Above all, Lysa is a really devout Christian. In some ways I wish I had her kind of faith to get me through difficult and unexpected situations. Maybe this book helped a little, but it wasn't life changing for me. It was a bit too repetitive and a lot too long and preachy. The religious messages are very Protestant/Evangelical, so that made me a bit uncomfortable as well. I definitely wouldn't recommend it to a friend going through a hard time for fear of pissing them off, because this is like a 300 page sympathy card to basically say "everything happens for a reason." But, others may feel differently.
Also to note: Lysa got back together with her husband. Doctors fixed both of her medical problems. So her devastating situations did all have happy endings, which may also be hard for some readers who know that their own particular situations can't be fixed.
Lysa TerKeurst is a good writer. She's relatable. She has a sense of humor. She's grounded. She's bright. It's clear that a lot of serious thought, meditation, and prayer has gone into her writing. She's extremely self reflective and earnest.
Girl LOVES her some extended metaphors. At various points in the book, our lives are dust, paintings, bathing suits, cakes, you name it.
The catalyst for Lysa writing this book was finding out that her husband of twenty-something years was having an affair and separating from him just one year before their youngest kid was going to be leaving the house and she thought they would finally get to have their second act of life together. She also writes about two unexpected health issues that knocked her for a loop. She makes an effort to give advice that can apply to any disappointing scenario. Her target audience is very clearly women.
She can come off as a bit judgmental at times, particularly when discussing the sinfulness of a friend's extramarital affair. But I think, in that case, she was just trying to make a very strong point about how giving into temptation and quick fixes can ultimately end up disappointing us.
The big thing to keep in mind is that this book is very, very, VERY religious. I assume that most picking it up would realize that the author is writing from a Christian perspective, but it's important to know going in that this is one long sermon about God's plan. Bible verses, metaphors, parables, and personal stories combine to tell the message over and over: "Everything happens for a reason. God has a plan for you." At the beginning of the book, Lysa promises no bumper sticker sayings or cliche platitudes. But, in the end, that's what the whole book boils down to.
I appreciate the deep and thoughtful way that Lysa breaks down those concepts. She gives the reader permission to feel hurt and overwhelmed and angry and gives a lot of examples of times in her own life and in friends' lives when God "loved them too much to answer their prayers in the way that they wanted." She hammers this message in over and over and compares it to children who sometimes can't understand that discomfort or pain now will help them later. I don't think she gave this example in a book, but it made me think about when a baby is given a shot. There's a tiny pinprick of pain, and parents hate to see how scary that pain might be for the baby, but they don't take the baby home without the shot just because the baby cries and doesn't want the shot. The baby doesn't realize that the shot is necessary now to avoid pain, sickness, or even death later. I find that metaphor to be somewhat reassuring in some cases, but I can only really happily apply that to some situations. I am never going to be able to reconcile war, genocide, starvation, natural disasters, murder, suicide, and human evil with "God has a plan."
I found it notable that none of the examples in Lysa's book really have to do with a person dying. They are mostly examples of times when she could actually point to a bit of the "why" because pain and suffering eventually led to some good coming of the situation. For example, she was in so much abdominal pain in the hospital that it led her doctors to run more tests and find something that could have killed her, and they were able to fix it. She prayed for God to take the pain away, but if he had, she would have died. (A bit cheesy and simplistic to me, and hard to compare to pain when someone does actually die. What good is that pain for?) She does talk about how human suffering and pain brings us together and how we experience pain so that we can be compassionate toward others. But I don't know that I could take her message and make it fit with some of the worst case scenarios in this world, like child death.
Above all, Lysa is a really devout Christian. In some ways I wish I had her kind of faith to get me through difficult and unexpected situations. Maybe this book helped a little, but it wasn't life changing for me. It was a bit too repetitive and a lot too long and preachy. The religious messages are very Protestant/Evangelical, so that made me a bit uncomfortable as well. I definitely wouldn't recommend it to a friend going through a hard time for fear of pissing them off, because this is like a 300 page sympathy card to basically say "everything happens for a reason." But, others may feel differently.
Also to note: Lysa got back together with her husband. Doctors fixed both of her medical problems. So her devastating situations did all have happy endings, which may also be hard for some readers who know that their own particular situations can't be fixed.
September 26, 2020
Powerful read.
January 16, 2019
This is a hard one to review. I read this book to help others around me that are going through difficult times. TerKerurst is an engaging writer and I always appreciate her wisdom and charm; however, a lot of this book is repetitive and scattered. I'm personally happy to see that she and her husband have reconciled after publication but I feel this book is missing depth that she could've spoken to during her separation.
July 3, 2019
Lysa TerKeurst is wonderful at sharing the hard-earned wisdom she has searched for and found while struggling with her own deeply painful, unexpected trials. She is a Christian writer, the answers she shares are of a spiritual and biblical nature.
Like the late Wayne Dyer, I believe there’s a spiritual solution to every problem. Lysa is very relatable and candid about her own struggles. She lovingly shares heart healing wisdom from the word of God. Lysa has a way of communicating these truths in such a manner that I am touched and changed by her words, whether written or spoken.
I received an ARC from Thomas Nelson Publishing and NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.
Like the late Wayne Dyer, I believe there’s a spiritual solution to every problem. Lysa is very relatable and candid about her own struggles. She lovingly shares heart healing wisdom from the word of God. Lysa has a way of communicating these truths in such a manner that I am touched and changed by her words, whether written or spoken.
I received an ARC from Thomas Nelson Publishing and NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.
March 18, 2025
Re-Read 2025
In 5 years, a lot has happened, great things and some sad things. Again, this book was a great comfort. It is the reason that I started pursuing other Lysa Terkeurst titles.
Original Review
I try to live my life as positively as I can but must admit that for some months I have been carrying the words of a longtime friend around my mind like an albatross. Reading Lysa's chapters reminded me that sometimes words come from hurt and heartbroken places. Although this woman's Christian text may not work for everyone, it was truly something very special in my life. At the stage where I am in my life, it certainly "spoke" to my feelings and thoughts. I liked how Lysa used her journey as a way to emphasize the ideas she wanted to convey to her readers. The references to scripture and the prayer examples were also very useful to me as well.
Goodreads review 07/09/20
In 5 years, a lot has happened, great things and some sad things. Again, this book was a great comfort. It is the reason that I started pursuing other Lysa Terkeurst titles.
Original Review
I try to live my life as positively as I can but must admit that for some months I have been carrying the words of a longtime friend around my mind like an albatross. Reading Lysa's chapters reminded me that sometimes words come from hurt and heartbroken places. Although this woman's Christian text may not work for everyone, it was truly something very special in my life. At the stage where I am in my life, it certainly "spoke" to my feelings and thoughts. I liked how Lysa used her journey as a way to emphasize the ideas she wanted to convey to her readers. The references to scripture and the prayer examples were also very useful to me as well.
Goodreads review 07/09/20
January 20, 2021
I honestly did not have high hopes when I picked this book up because I kind of already had an idea of what it was going to be like. However, I didn't feel I could make a proper judgment of it without actually reading it. Having now read the book in its entirety, I can honestly say that my assumption of the book was not wrong
The short version of my opinion of this book was that it is a very self-focused, self-help book, masked with "spirituality". Not at all a book that I would give someone to point them to Christ and have the right perspective in the midst of their struggles.
So the longer version...
I am not at all downplaying the heartbreak that the author experienced. We've all had earth-shattering heartbreak in some form or another, including myself. However, there are some things that are not meant to be public, especially situations that involve other people, and someone's marriage and the struggles they are going through is one of those "not to be put on public display" situations...especially not written out in bestseller book form. The author herself said, "I'm all for people challenging me with biblical wisdom and considerations birthed in real prayer. But these are conversations that should be had face to face with compassionate lips, not articles typed with cold fingertips. And not sidebar comments laced with judgment but masked with 'let's pray for her'." Having made this statement in her book, I felt like her writing was a very underhanded way of trying to make her husband look bad to the public eye and say "let's pray for him" in much the same way that she didn't want people doing to her. All I could think of through the whole book was how much her husband could be hurt by what was written. Yes, what he did was wrong, but even though she was a public figure, it didn't give her a right to put it out there for all the world to judge. There is much more I could say on this matter, but I'll just allow this to sum it up.
Another issue I had was how she took certain Bible passages and pulled them out of context to fit her situation. The Bible is a book about God and Who He is...not about us. And we need to be so careful that we don't twist Scripture and apply it to our situations in a way it wasn't meant to be applied.
The entire book was filled with HER story, HER pain, the way SHE has helped others, how much SHE has suffered... it was all very self-focused. There was little about focusing on Christ, having the right perspective, taking our eyes off of us and our problems and putting them on Jesus, sharing what He had done for her, etc. It was all about her and her opinions and how she got through.
Chapter 9 was very alarming to me as she wrote on the temptations and deceptions of the enemy. And how he tempts us when we are most vulnerable from living in a world of pain. She used the example of a friend of hers who got her heart tied in an emotional relationship with another man because her husband wasn't meeting her emotional needs. Never once would she acknowledge in her writing that in these moments, we are making ths choice to sin. She kept saying that the devil tempts us and deceives us into making a decision away from God's best for us. There was no need to take responsibility, and it was almost as if she was excusing the "sin" (questionable if she even considered it sin since she wouldn't call it that) when you are consumed with so much pain shattering your world. It's a sad place we've come to when we no longer need to own up to personal responsibility and call sin what it is.
There is much more I could share but I just want to touch on one more thing. When going through an earth-shattering experience, the proper approach is to put our eyes on Jesus. I know it's hard, but it's the right thing to do. Claim His promises, surrender to His will, and allow Him to fill you with His true joy even in the middle of the storm. It's a beautiful thing to experience. And in the middle of those crushing times, the cry of our hearts should be, "What is there in ME that needs to change, Lord?" This is not something Lysa encourages in her book at all. Instead, it is very feelings-focused, and reassuring that we are ok and that we will come out of this with a purple heart medal from the Lord. It makes me sad how self-absorbed her writing appeared to be, and how she encourages that self-focus in others. I don't at all believe this book gave Biblical guidance on walking through life's darkwst valleys.
The short version of my opinion of this book was that it is a very self-focused, self-help book, masked with "spirituality". Not at all a book that I would give someone to point them to Christ and have the right perspective in the midst of their struggles.
So the longer version...
I am not at all downplaying the heartbreak that the author experienced. We've all had earth-shattering heartbreak in some form or another, including myself. However, there are some things that are not meant to be public, especially situations that involve other people, and someone's marriage and the struggles they are going through is one of those "not to be put on public display" situations...especially not written out in bestseller book form. The author herself said, "I'm all for people challenging me with biblical wisdom and considerations birthed in real prayer. But these are conversations that should be had face to face with compassionate lips, not articles typed with cold fingertips. And not sidebar comments laced with judgment but masked with 'let's pray for her'." Having made this statement in her book, I felt like her writing was a very underhanded way of trying to make her husband look bad to the public eye and say "let's pray for him" in much the same way that she didn't want people doing to her. All I could think of through the whole book was how much her husband could be hurt by what was written. Yes, what he did was wrong, but even though she was a public figure, it didn't give her a right to put it out there for all the world to judge. There is much more I could say on this matter, but I'll just allow this to sum it up.
Another issue I had was how she took certain Bible passages and pulled them out of context to fit her situation. The Bible is a book about God and Who He is...not about us. And we need to be so careful that we don't twist Scripture and apply it to our situations in a way it wasn't meant to be applied.
The entire book was filled with HER story, HER pain, the way SHE has helped others, how much SHE has suffered... it was all very self-focused. There was little about focusing on Christ, having the right perspective, taking our eyes off of us and our problems and putting them on Jesus, sharing what He had done for her, etc. It was all about her and her opinions and how she got through.
Chapter 9 was very alarming to me as she wrote on the temptations and deceptions of the enemy. And how he tempts us when we are most vulnerable from living in a world of pain. She used the example of a friend of hers who got her heart tied in an emotional relationship with another man because her husband wasn't meeting her emotional needs. Never once would she acknowledge in her writing that in these moments, we are making ths choice to sin. She kept saying that the devil tempts us and deceives us into making a decision away from God's best for us. There was no need to take responsibility, and it was almost as if she was excusing the "sin" (questionable if she even considered it sin since she wouldn't call it that) when you are consumed with so much pain shattering your world. It's a sad place we've come to when we no longer need to own up to personal responsibility and call sin what it is.
There is much more I could share but I just want to touch on one more thing. When going through an earth-shattering experience, the proper approach is to put our eyes on Jesus. I know it's hard, but it's the right thing to do. Claim His promises, surrender to His will, and allow Him to fill you with His true joy even in the middle of the storm. It's a beautiful thing to experience. And in the middle of those crushing times, the cry of our hearts should be, "What is there in ME that needs to change, Lord?" This is not something Lysa encourages in her book at all. Instead, it is very feelings-focused, and reassuring that we are ok and that we will come out of this with a purple heart medal from the Lord. It makes me sad how self-absorbed her writing appeared to be, and how she encourages that self-focus in others. I don't at all believe this book gave Biblical guidance on walking through life's darkwst valleys.
October 10, 2019
When I saw this book on a new reads list on my local library's website, I almost fell off my chair! This may sound like a cliche, but this book definitely came at the right time in my life. I took off one star because it came off as a book great for a bible-study group (which doesn't appeal to me personally); however, I did appreciate various portions that seemed to speak to me.
March 18, 2019
The whole world seems to know the circumstances which caused Lysa TerKeurst to write this book. An unfaithful husband and a life-threatening health-struggle give the author credibility in saying, "It's Not Supposed to Be This Way."
I have a faithful and loving husband today, but years ago, I lived through the betrayal and heartbreak created by an unfaithful spouse, too. Unless you have lived it, it really is virtually impossible to understand the soul-crushing heartache that ensues when your marriage partner does not keep his or her wedding vows. It's a spiritual and emotional ripping apart of every dream and hope you had for your marriage. Lysa describes this so well.
That's why, anticipating this title's release, I asked for it for a Christmas gift. I also signed up for the Proverbs 31 Women's Bible Study and tried to follow along as my schedule allowed. I read the book very slowly and used it more for a devotional than simply a spiritual growth book. Because by the time you reach the autumn season of life like I have, you readily agree life rarely is the way "it's supposed to be."
Many women have felt forced to conceal this for the most part though, while wearing societal masks which can hinder us from receiving God's healing.
Not TerKeurst. She manages to go public, and yet in some ways, remain discreetly private about details. This is a true writing pro and spiritual mentor, and we are blessed to be under her teaching while reading the book.
As for Bible teaching, the Word of God flows so freely from TerKeurst, and is so applicable to everyday life, that there are profound lessons contained within the pages.
Sadly, I can almost hear some who read it, argue about TerKeurst being blessed with a Fairy tale ending, when they have not. For instance, my own broken marriage was not restored, but I can tell you from fighting for restoration with everything within me, it is painful and takes great humility and self-control to live with a man who has been unfaithful. So, instead of being jealous of Lysa, let's all pray God will give her and Art the grace to walk out this fragile restoration day by day. (So sorry for preaching there. Please forgive me, but my past got the best of me.)
I recommend this wonderful, transparent book to anyone whose life has not turned out like they thought it would, and that's countless individuals. I give it 5 stars and only wish the review system allowed for me. So, how about 5 plus stars? This is a groundbreaking work and I believe many of us will be set free from shame and more willing to share our deepest hurts and receive greater healing and support, due to this tremendous resource. Thank you, Lysa TerKeurst, once again you have done much for your hurting sisters!
I have a faithful and loving husband today, but years ago, I lived through the betrayal and heartbreak created by an unfaithful spouse, too. Unless you have lived it, it really is virtually impossible to understand the soul-crushing heartache that ensues when your marriage partner does not keep his or her wedding vows. It's a spiritual and emotional ripping apart of every dream and hope you had for your marriage. Lysa describes this so well.
That's why, anticipating this title's release, I asked for it for a Christmas gift. I also signed up for the Proverbs 31 Women's Bible Study and tried to follow along as my schedule allowed. I read the book very slowly and used it more for a devotional than simply a spiritual growth book. Because by the time you reach the autumn season of life like I have, you readily agree life rarely is the way "it's supposed to be."
Many women have felt forced to conceal this for the most part though, while wearing societal masks which can hinder us from receiving God's healing.
Not TerKeurst. She manages to go public, and yet in some ways, remain discreetly private about details. This is a true writing pro and spiritual mentor, and we are blessed to be under her teaching while reading the book.
As for Bible teaching, the Word of God flows so freely from TerKeurst, and is so applicable to everyday life, that there are profound lessons contained within the pages.
Sadly, I can almost hear some who read it, argue about TerKeurst being blessed with a Fairy tale ending, when they have not. For instance, my own broken marriage was not restored, but I can tell you from fighting for restoration with everything within me, it is painful and takes great humility and self-control to live with a man who has been unfaithful. So, instead of being jealous of Lysa, let's all pray God will give her and Art the grace to walk out this fragile restoration day by day. (So sorry for preaching there. Please forgive me, but my past got the best of me.)
I recommend this wonderful, transparent book to anyone whose life has not turned out like they thought it would, and that's countless individuals. I give it 5 stars and only wish the review system allowed for me. So, how about 5 plus stars? This is a groundbreaking work and I believe many of us will be set free from shame and more willing to share our deepest hurts and receive greater healing and support, due to this tremendous resource. Thank you, Lysa TerKeurst, once again you have done much for your hurting sisters!
April 7, 2019
She doesn't seem to have an historical/political sense of the Bible, and bases entire chapters on solitary sentences extracted out of context and used to make her point. Maybe fine for some, but I choose to dig deeper in my understanding of God's purpose in my life, rather than fitting my life, and its challenges, to singular passages. Having done two other studies by this same author (not my selections), I knew the older women of our Bible study would not like her writing (self-focused tunnel vision), and they did not, often finding the author to be "whining" & wanting her to "put on her Big Girl Pants."
February 10, 2020
I have been reading outside of my comfort zone lately, trying to find insight and wisdom in places I don't usually think to look. And in many cases, I have come across books in many areas (memoirs on death, religious books, etc) that have been surprisingly great. And so when I came across this book, I figured it would be one of those books. I mean, the title is great, right? And it gets great reviews. And don't we all want to find unexpected strength when life is hard? But I was wrong. This book is, well, not great. I struggled to get through it, and in the end, it left me feeling like I had just wasted time in reading it.
Actually, that is not fair. There was one passage that I loved: the image that sometimes, when life crushes us, it helps to think about it as in terms of pottery: that only in becoming dust, and then in becoming moldable clay again, can we be formed into something more equipped to deal with the future life in store for us. Remaking us is painful but can lead to great things. I like that. I want to see purpose in pain. So remaking a vessel: check.
But the rest of the book felt hollow, and can perhaps be summed up in saying: hard things happen, and that's just the way it is. I just finished this book yesterday, and that's really all that stuck with me. Which is fine, and probably true, but not really worth writing a book about.
But perhaps it was also just that the author doesn't come across as likable. She even has this moment where she talks directly to the reader, which is just a bit too cheesy for me, and then says something along the lines of 'if you were hurting right now and came to me, I would open my bible to verse...'
And all I could think is, yes! That's the problem. Religion comes first, not humanity. Where is the hug, the compassion, the listening? I suppose I like when religion makes people more human, not less. Shouldn't the bible passage come much later, after you first truly tried to comfort and connect with a human on a human level?
So overall: skip this one.
Actually, that is not fair. There was one passage that I loved: the image that sometimes, when life crushes us, it helps to think about it as in terms of pottery: that only in becoming dust, and then in becoming moldable clay again, can we be formed into something more equipped to deal with the future life in store for us. Remaking us is painful but can lead to great things. I like that. I want to see purpose in pain. So remaking a vessel: check.
But the rest of the book felt hollow, and can perhaps be summed up in saying: hard things happen, and that's just the way it is. I just finished this book yesterday, and that's really all that stuck with me. Which is fine, and probably true, but not really worth writing a book about.
But perhaps it was also just that the author doesn't come across as likable. She even has this moment where she talks directly to the reader, which is just a bit too cheesy for me, and then says something along the lines of 'if you were hurting right now and came to me, I would open my bible to verse...'
And all I could think is, yes! That's the problem. Religion comes first, not humanity. Where is the hug, the compassion, the listening? I suppose I like when religion makes people more human, not less. Shouldn't the bible passage come much later, after you first truly tried to comfort and connect with a human on a human level?
So overall: skip this one.
February 25, 2019
5 ⭐️ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️! Such an incredible read! Thank you Lysa for being so honest and vulnerable with me. I loved this book so much and I’m so grateful that I got to do it as a bible study online. And I think this was my favorite of yours so far. What a blessing this was.
So every chapter I read I said.... “this is my FAVORITE chapter!” Wow just wow! This was right on time. And I came to the well every chapter willingly...sometimes crawling, pouring my heart out to God. It’s been a difficult season for me and my family. And we’ve been devastated, trying to put ourselves back together. But I’m realizing that God has us here for a reason and I might not ever know why or like it but that’s ok.
These are things I remembered during the book that really resonated with me and I’m paraphrasing here so bare with me.......
*When God says don’t, he’s really saying don’t hurt yourself or others.
*Don’t snack on deception.
*Hard times can be a holy time.
*Feelings don’t have the last say!
*Refuse to be intimidated by the process of not being perfect!
*I’m “Learning to live upside down!”
I hope some of you will read this and enjoy it as much as I did! Happy Reading! ❤️
So every chapter I read I said.... “this is my FAVORITE chapter!” Wow just wow! This was right on time. And I came to the well every chapter willingly...sometimes crawling, pouring my heart out to God. It’s been a difficult season for me and my family. And we’ve been devastated, trying to put ourselves back together. But I’m realizing that God has us here for a reason and I might not ever know why or like it but that’s ok.
These are things I remembered during the book that really resonated with me and I’m paraphrasing here so bare with me.......
*When God says don’t, he’s really saying don’t hurt yourself or others.
*Don’t snack on deception.
*Hard times can be a holy time.
*Feelings don’t have the last say!
*Refuse to be intimidated by the process of not being perfect!
*I’m “Learning to live upside down!”
I hope some of you will read this and enjoy it as much as I did! Happy Reading! ❤️
April 6, 2023
«Усе мало би бути по-іншому. Знайти неочікувану силу, коли розчарування тебе руйнує»
Ліза Теркерст
Видавництво Свічадо, 2023
⠀
“It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered”
Lysa TerKeurst, 2018
⠀
«Віддайте мені свої розбиті серця, не дотримані іншими обіцянки, залиті слізьми страхи, які так і норовлять вирватися на волю. Я стану для вас світлом, із яким ви знайдете Божу надію поза болем відкинення.»
⠀
Якщо ви вірянин та втратили надію… якщо вас долають сумніви… якщо ви хочете віднайти шлях до життя…
⠀
Якщо ви просто шукаєте підтримку і промінчик світла в цей буремний час, щиро раджу вам звернути увагу на цю книжку.
⠀
Авторка описує складні та доленосні моменти свого життя, та дає нам надію:
⠀
«Нам так хочеться, щоб Бог усе виправив. Переписав цю історію правильно - зі щасливим кінцем. Відремонтував цю безрадісну реальність.
Але, можливо, Бог і не планує нічого виправляти, переписувати й ремонтувати для нас після життєвих руйнувань,
Може, Він хоче створити у нашому житті щось абсолютно нове? Просто зараз. По цей бік вічности. Хай би якими розбитими нам видавалися всі наші обставини.
Адже Бог любить працювати з порохом.»
⠀
Авторка звертається до Святого письма, до свого досвіду, та дає нам шматочок своєї віри та надії.
⠀
Якщо ви шукаєте розраду та поживу для духовного росту - раджу.
⠀
Але ви маєте бути готові сприймати цю книжку:
⠀
«Тим часом, Господи, Ти - наш Батько!
Ми глина, Ти - наш гончар,
І всі ми - діло твоєї руки. (Іс. 64, 7)
⠀
Про книжку:
⠀
«Ліза Теркерст, авторка бестселера «Небажана», приготувала для читачів нову мандрівку в світ її почувань, карколомних ситуацій і роздумів про те, що на все свій час. Радість чи смуток, випробування чи щасливе розвʼязання проблем – жодна з життєвих подій не є випадковою. Чи саме такий Божий задум? Авторка запрошує поміркувати над цим усіх, кому не раз видається, Що все мало би бути по-іншому.»
⠀
#примхливачитака
Ліза Теркерст
Видавництво Свічадо, 2023
⠀
“It's Not Supposed to Be This Way: Finding Unexpected Strength When Disappointments Leave You Shattered”
Lysa TerKeurst, 2018
⠀
«Віддайте мені свої розбиті серця, не дотримані іншими обіцянки, залиті слізьми страхи, які так і норовлять вирватися на волю. Я стану для вас світлом, із яким ви знайдете Божу надію поза болем відкинення.»
⠀
Якщо ви вірянин та втратили надію… якщо вас долають сумніви… якщо ви хочете віднайти шлях до життя…
⠀
Якщо ви просто шукаєте підтримку і промінчик світла в цей буремний час, щиро раджу вам звернути увагу на цю книжку.
⠀
Авторка описує складні та доленосні моменти свого життя, та дає нам надію:
⠀
«Нам так хочеться, щоб Бог усе виправив. Переписав цю історію правильно - зі щасливим кінцем. Відремонтував цю безрадісну реальність.
Але, можливо, Бог і не планує нічого виправляти, переписувати й ремонтувати для нас після життєвих руйнувань,
Може, Він хоче створити у нашому житті щось абсолютно нове? Просто зараз. По цей бік вічности. Хай би якими розбитими нам видавалися всі наші обставини.
Адже Бог любить працювати з порохом.»
⠀
Авторка звертається до Святого письма, до свого досвіду, та дає нам шматочок своєї віри та надії.
⠀
Якщо ви шукаєте розраду та поживу для духовного росту - раджу.
⠀
Але ви маєте бути готові сприймати цю книжку:
⠀
«Тим часом, Господи, Ти - наш Батько!
Ми глина, Ти - наш гончар,
І всі ми - діло твоєї руки. (Іс. 64, 7)
⠀
Про книжку:
⠀
«Ліза Теркерст, авторка бестселера «Небажана», приготувала для читачів нову мандрівку в світ її почувань, карколомних ситуацій і роздумів про те, що на все свій час. Радість чи смуток, випробування чи щасливе розвʼязання проблем – жодна з життєвих подій не є випадковою. Чи саме такий Божий задум? Авторка запрошує поміркувати над цим усіх, кому не раз видається, Що все мало би бути по-іншому.»
⠀
#примхливачитака
April 1, 2019
I gently give this book two stars.
I, first, acknowledge and appreciate Lysa as a sister who has walked through sufferings that no one ever wants to have to experience. I praise God for how God is redeeming her hurt and pain. I am thankful for her willingness to be vulnerable about her story.
That said...
I cannot say I would give It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way a recommendation. I failed to see this a biblically sound book. While yes there was Scripture scattered throughout the entire book, it was just that...scattered. While there were truths spoken, it missed the mark as a whole. I would have loved to see words that pointed women to trust and rely fully on God by asking him to be and accomplish everything they cannot on their own and not by what they “declare”. In several places, where there was a great opportunity to magnify God through Scripture, she lowered our gazes to look at ourselves magnificent.
Again, I am thankful for Lysa’s willingness and desire to use her suffering to point other women to God. I believe her heart absolutely is set on wanting to lead broken hearts to our great Redeemer. I know there are women who will catch a glimpse of God through her book and will glean some gospel truth. Praise God. This review is not to tear down, but to be reminded that our view of God must be rightly elevated so we can then first see ourselves and our situations in light of who he is, not in who we say we are.
I, first, acknowledge and appreciate Lysa as a sister who has walked through sufferings that no one ever wants to have to experience. I praise God for how God is redeeming her hurt and pain. I am thankful for her willingness to be vulnerable about her story.
That said...
I cannot say I would give It’s Not Supposed To Be This Way a recommendation. I failed to see this a biblically sound book. While yes there was Scripture scattered throughout the entire book, it was just that...scattered. While there were truths spoken, it missed the mark as a whole. I would have loved to see words that pointed women to trust and rely fully on God by asking him to be and accomplish everything they cannot on their own and not by what they “declare”. In several places, where there was a great opportunity to magnify God through Scripture, she lowered our gazes to look at ourselves magnificent.
Again, I am thankful for Lysa’s willingness and desire to use her suffering to point other women to God. I believe her heart absolutely is set on wanting to lead broken hearts to our great Redeemer. I know there are women who will catch a glimpse of God through her book and will glean some gospel truth. Praise God. This review is not to tear down, but to be reminded that our view of God must be rightly elevated so we can then first see ourselves and our situations in light of who he is, not in who we say we are.
December 30, 2018
I loved several things about this book:
•The visual layout of the book. The "Going to the Well" sections at the end of each chapter. This section is a "recap" of what was taught in the chapter. There are remember points, Scriptures to read, deep questions, and a prayer. The subtitle pages are two pages in length in bold block print. Important quotes are set off by themselves in the chapters.
•The chapters at the end of the book: Epilogue gives an update on her marriage, an additional one on her health, "9 Scriptures For Surviving The Times When God Seems Silent," "A Prayer Of Restoration," "Getting The Help You Need," "Acknowledgements," an index of "Scriptures," further information about the author and Proverbs 31 Ministries, and two free bonus gifts.
•Terkeurst does not go heavy in to details about her marriage. She gives enough information that I understand the problems. The emphasis is on Scripture and what is learned by the crisis. Some readers may find her memoir lacking in details; however, it is important to understand the emphasis is to answer the questions of disappointments, hurts, and sufferings. In addition, Terkeurst could have gone the way of bitterness and revenge against her husband. I admire her humility and self-control.
•It's Not Supposed To Be This Way is a heavy meal kind of book. This is not a book to whiz through each page like a popcorn snack. I read the book slowly. I read the book making marks on certain key points and quotes I liked. I wrote down a few of them on index cards to place on the wall beside my reading chair.
•The book is personal-directed and addressed to us. From page 208, "Just so you know, I wish I could take way every disappointment that nips at the edges of your happiness and sits heavy in your heart.....I'd offer you some warm slice-and-bake cookies and whisper, 'I get it. Let's chat.'" For a person going through a crisis, a friend is what is needed. Even the most introverted of us needs a friend who listens and understands.
•It's Not Supposed To Be This Way is an excellent book for small groups. I feel it is better to have the group be all female or all male. Why? Because women may want to discuss things amongst other women without men present. Some aspects of life are painful, and we need to be in the presence of trusted people.
•Terkeurst addresses issues from "well-meaning" people. For example: gossip and advice.
•Terkeurst is transparent in not agreeing with God about her life.
•I wrote down 5 pages of quotes I loved. Some of my favorites are:
"Feeling the pain is the first step toward healing the pain. The longer we avoid the feeling, the more we delay our healing. We can numb it, ignore it or pretend it doesn't exist, but all those options lead to an eventual breakdown, not a breakthrough." page 36.
"May we carefully choose what we remember and what we forget. I'm so quick to remember others' hurtful words but slow to remember God's healing words. We must set our minds and our hearts on things above by choosing to remember God's words, repeat God's words, and believe God's words about us. We must let God's Word become the words we park our minds and hearts on. We must let God's Word become the words we believe and receive as truth. We must let God's Word become the words of our story." Page 65.
"We must sip the suffering of today, so we don't have to drown in the devastations of tomorrow." Page 183.
•The visual layout of the book. The "Going to the Well" sections at the end of each chapter. This section is a "recap" of what was taught in the chapter. There are remember points, Scriptures to read, deep questions, and a prayer. The subtitle pages are two pages in length in bold block print. Important quotes are set off by themselves in the chapters.
•The chapters at the end of the book: Epilogue gives an update on her marriage, an additional one on her health, "9 Scriptures For Surviving The Times When God Seems Silent," "A Prayer Of Restoration," "Getting The Help You Need," "Acknowledgements," an index of "Scriptures," further information about the author and Proverbs 31 Ministries, and two free bonus gifts.
•Terkeurst does not go heavy in to details about her marriage. She gives enough information that I understand the problems. The emphasis is on Scripture and what is learned by the crisis. Some readers may find her memoir lacking in details; however, it is important to understand the emphasis is to answer the questions of disappointments, hurts, and sufferings. In addition, Terkeurst could have gone the way of bitterness and revenge against her husband. I admire her humility and self-control.
•It's Not Supposed To Be This Way is a heavy meal kind of book. This is not a book to whiz through each page like a popcorn snack. I read the book slowly. I read the book making marks on certain key points and quotes I liked. I wrote down a few of them on index cards to place on the wall beside my reading chair.
•The book is personal-directed and addressed to us. From page 208, "Just so you know, I wish I could take way every disappointment that nips at the edges of your happiness and sits heavy in your heart.....I'd offer you some warm slice-and-bake cookies and whisper, 'I get it. Let's chat.'" For a person going through a crisis, a friend is what is needed. Even the most introverted of us needs a friend who listens and understands.
•It's Not Supposed To Be This Way is an excellent book for small groups. I feel it is better to have the group be all female or all male. Why? Because women may want to discuss things amongst other women without men present. Some aspects of life are painful, and we need to be in the presence of trusted people.
•Terkeurst addresses issues from "well-meaning" people. For example: gossip and advice.
•Terkeurst is transparent in not agreeing with God about her life.
•I wrote down 5 pages of quotes I loved. Some of my favorites are:
"Feeling the pain is the first step toward healing the pain. The longer we avoid the feeling, the more we delay our healing. We can numb it, ignore it or pretend it doesn't exist, but all those options lead to an eventual breakdown, not a breakthrough." page 36.
"May we carefully choose what we remember and what we forget. I'm so quick to remember others' hurtful words but slow to remember God's healing words. We must set our minds and our hearts on things above by choosing to remember God's words, repeat God's words, and believe God's words about us. We must let God's Word become the words we park our minds and hearts on. We must let God's Word become the words we believe and receive as truth. We must let God's Word become the words of our story." Page 65.
"We must sip the suffering of today, so we don't have to drown in the devastations of tomorrow." Page 183.
March 2, 2019
I really liked how approachable Lysa TerKeurst’s voice was throughout this entire book. This is a book that will touch readers of all ages and situations in life. Not only did I love Lysa’s openness and all of her personal stories, I commend her for incorporating all the Bible verses and really pointing the reader to get into the Word and allow God to give them the strength they need.
I almost didn’t pick this book up because I guess I didn’t feel as though I “needed” a book on disappointments in life. In all honesty, I felt as though my life has been going pretty smoothly lately. I’m really glad I didn’t let my current contentedness stop me from reading this though. Everyone has disappointments and heartaches in their lives and we all know people who are going through, have gone through, or will go through difficult trials. This is a wonderful read that will not only help the reader grow and have a better grasp on how to have the strength to keep moving on, but it will also help the reader have a better understanding on how to encourage anyone in your life that is going through a hard time.
Note: I read this book with the Proverbs 31 OBS group. I was also able to watch the videos sessions that TerKeurst filmed to accompany this book as part of a Bible study. They were done very well and enhanced my experience and depth with this book. If you are thinking about using this and the videos as part of your own Bible study group. I would highly recommend them!
I almost didn’t pick this book up because I guess I didn’t feel as though I “needed” a book on disappointments in life. In all honesty, I felt as though my life has been going pretty smoothly lately. I’m really glad I didn’t let my current contentedness stop me from reading this though. Everyone has disappointments and heartaches in their lives and we all know people who are going through, have gone through, or will go through difficult trials. This is a wonderful read that will not only help the reader grow and have a better grasp on how to have the strength to keep moving on, but it will also help the reader have a better understanding on how to encourage anyone in your life that is going through a hard time.
Note: I read this book with the Proverbs 31 OBS group. I was also able to watch the videos sessions that TerKeurst filmed to accompany this book as part of a Bible study. They were done very well and enhanced my experience and depth with this book. If you are thinking about using this and the videos as part of your own Bible study group. I would highly recommend them!
August 6, 2021
4.5 stars.
There are so many gems of wisdom in this book. I will have a lot of journaling to do because I can not possibly remember all of the great quotes. Her words challenged my faith on my levels.
A simple quote that spoke to me…. “God is not late.” How often we think everything has to be in our time and in OUR will. I just lent her other book “Uninvited” out to a friend. Looking forward to reading that one as welll.
Highly recommend.
There are so many gems of wisdom in this book. I will have a lot of journaling to do because I can not possibly remember all of the great quotes. Her words challenged my faith on my levels.
A simple quote that spoke to me…. “God is not late.” How often we think everything has to be in our time and in OUR will. I just lent her other book “Uninvited” out to a friend. Looking forward to reading that one as welll.
Highly recommend.
October 30, 2021
There were many moments during the reading of this book that I was able to relate to and think "me too". So many times her words or scripture would speak loudly to my heart. We don't have to be going through the same thing she was/is in order to grow and appreciate what she has to say. I found comfort, a moment to breathe, and a chance to laugh.
It is filled with golden nuggets of truth, inspiration, and God's amazing word.
Rating: PG
Language: clean read
Recommend: yes
It is filled with golden nuggets of truth, inspiration, and God's amazing word.
Rating: PG
Language: clean read
Recommend: yes
February 26, 2019
I've taken my time with this book because it felt like a letter from God for the time my husband and I are in right now. TerKeurst penned an amazing book with this one, and it has helped me so beautifully through this brutal time.
December 12, 2018
"God isn't ever going to forsake you, but He will go to great lengths to remake you."
Gah, this book. My words will not do the beauty or eloquence of the author's plight justice. Nothing would do it justice. TerKeurst is a voice for all women. She puts words to depths of pain and the human soul. A reader can trust every word she writes in this book because she has lived it, in fact lived through it while also writing this book.
I find interesting the way the chapters are written in real time. The author doesn't look back on a time in the past when she dealt with pain. She literally writes this book during the worst years of life. From one chapter to the next, she is getting news, diagnoses, and counseling. This book reads like a journal of lamenting and choosing joy. We as readers walk through the moments of struggle with her. She knows. And not only does she know, she trusts. And because she trusts, she encourages us that we can trust too. No matter what turmoil we are in, we can trust that God is for us and with us.
In the heartfelt, emotional writing Lysa Terkeurst is known and loved for, she had me swaying between tears and laughter. And I am tucking this book safely away for another day when I may be in the midst of a dark valley, because I know this will speak to me all over again in a whole new way, in every season.
**I received this book from the publishers and netgalley, but this in no way altered my opinion or review.
Gah, this book. My words will not do the beauty or eloquence of the author's plight justice. Nothing would do it justice. TerKeurst is a voice for all women. She puts words to depths of pain and the human soul. A reader can trust every word she writes in this book because she has lived it, in fact lived through it while also writing this book.
I find interesting the way the chapters are written in real time. The author doesn't look back on a time in the past when she dealt with pain. She literally writes this book during the worst years of life. From one chapter to the next, she is getting news, diagnoses, and counseling. This book reads like a journal of lamenting and choosing joy. We as readers walk through the moments of struggle with her. She knows. And not only does she know, she trusts. And because she trusts, she encourages us that we can trust too. No matter what turmoil we are in, we can trust that God is for us and with us.
In the heartfelt, emotional writing Lysa Terkeurst is known and loved for, she had me swaying between tears and laughter. And I am tucking this book safely away for another day when I may be in the midst of a dark valley, because I know this will speak to me all over again in a whole new way, in every season.
**I received this book from the publishers and netgalley, but this in no way altered my opinion or review.
September 15, 2020
A friend let me borrow this book and told me that she thought I would find it helpful. This happened after a couple of women made some insensitive remarks about my cancer experiences. Yes, that happens.
I found the book to be what I needed at the time. I wish I had read something like this years ago.
What I liked most about the book is the author's honesty and realism. She did not put on this cloak of false positivity that I have read in other books.
One of the things she tackles head on is the comment cancer survivors often hear:" God won't give you more than you can handle." She points out that the Scripture they are attempting to quote dealt with temptation. There are several other topics and emotions and she covers them well.
I liked the layout of the book. I liked the "Going to the Well" review sections at the end of each chapter. I understand that there are videos that go with it. I imagine it would be excellent to use in a women's Bible study.
There are a few words I would change. 4.5 stars rounded up.
I found the book to be what I needed at the time. I wish I had read something like this years ago.
What I liked most about the book is the author's honesty and realism. She did not put on this cloak of false positivity that I have read in other books.
One of the things she tackles head on is the comment cancer survivors often hear:" God won't give you more than you can handle." She points out that the Scripture they are attempting to quote dealt with temptation. There are several other topics and emotions and she covers them well.
I liked the layout of the book. I liked the "Going to the Well" review sections at the end of each chapter. I understand that there are videos that go with it. I imagine it would be excellent to use in a women's Bible study.
There are a few words I would change. 4.5 stars rounded up.
February 21, 2019
I did not enjoy this book at all. Unfocused at best. Self serving at worst. The woman compares herself to Job. I also recently found out that she renewed wedding vows with her cheating husband. I am sure she’s hoping this will sell lots of copies. Hypocrisy galore, page after page.
December 3, 2018
The life Terkeurst was experiencing was certainly not the life she had planned. Serious abdominal issues and surgery, a marriage broken by betrayal, and then the diagnosis of breast cancer. She shares the lessons she is learning through the adversity. She is free with her raw pain but she is also free with her steadfast faith in God.
She is learning yet again to trust in God. “I forget,” she writes, “that this kind of trusting in God is often forged in the crucible of longsuffering.” (95)
The most enlightening part of the book for me was her setting straight the lie that God will never give you more than you can handle. Sometimes He will, she says. (iii) He doesn't expect us to handle it. We are to rely on His strength.
“In the middle of our disappointments and hard times, we must seek to be transformed into thinking biblically, processing with truth instinctively, and trusting God implicitly.” (183)
Terkeurst has provided some great aids for readers. She gives encouraging Scripture at the end of each chapter as well as questions for reflection and a written prayer. At the end of the book Terkeurst has listed lies we might be tempted to believe when struggling and the truth from Scripture. There is also a final list of Scriptures that go along with each chapter in the book.
I highly recommend this book for those experiencing challenges they never anticipated would be part of their lives. You will read of the pain and struggles of another. You will also read how she continued to trust God. You will be given much practical encouragement to help you in your own faith journey.
She is learning yet again to trust in God. “I forget,” she writes, “that this kind of trusting in God is often forged in the crucible of longsuffering.” (95)
The most enlightening part of the book for me was her setting straight the lie that God will never give you more than you can handle. Sometimes He will, she says. (iii) He doesn't expect us to handle it. We are to rely on His strength.
“In the middle of our disappointments and hard times, we must seek to be transformed into thinking biblically, processing with truth instinctively, and trusting God implicitly.” (183)
Terkeurst has provided some great aids for readers. She gives encouraging Scripture at the end of each chapter as well as questions for reflection and a written prayer. At the end of the book Terkeurst has listed lies we might be tempted to believe when struggling and the truth from Scripture. There is also a final list of Scriptures that go along with each chapter in the book.
I highly recommend this book for those experiencing challenges they never anticipated would be part of their lives. You will read of the pain and struggles of another. You will also read how she continued to trust God. You will be given much practical encouragement to help you in your own faith journey.
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