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Looking For Normal
It's been said that we cannot choose our family members, but what do you do when the drama they bring becomes more than you want to deal with? You hop on the train that will take you to the land of promise, an alluring place across the mountains, called British Columbia.Looking for Normal is an account of two people, each struggling to leave thedesperate and dysfunctional circumstances of life, to establish themselves in a completely different environment and location. It is a sometimes humorous, sometimes sobering, yet always intriguing true story of family drama, and love found in the midst of heartache, addiction, and mental illness. It takes us through the Depression Era of the 1930s, on through the War and Post-War years of the 1940s and '50s, to the Free Love of the 1960s and '70s.Against all odds, Vincent and Frances find each other in the land of promise,and begin the adventure of creating a new and better family experience, onefilled with laughter, hope, and undying love.They find that family is not far behind, and through each new adventureof dysfunction, they create a lasting legacy of strength, hope, and love withintheir own children.This is a heartwarming true story that will encourage all of us to look onthe lighter side and enjoy all that life brings, to treasure our family regardlessof the struggles.
268 pages, Paperback
Published August 22, 2018
3 people are currently reading
58 people want to read
About the author
Karen Harmon
3 books23 followersThe day I started writing was the day my healing began. I had no idea how powerful it would be to write about my parents' sad beginnings and then onto my life growing up in the '60s, '70s and '80s. I was always searching for Mr. Right, and I finally figured out how to manage without a knight in shiny armour. I am married to my second husband after a failed first marriage, with three adult children. I work with special needs people of all ages, and I started teaching fitness back when leg warmers and curly perms were the trends. I still teach fitness after all these years. My hobbies include cycling all over British Columbia, public speaking about mental health and addiction and writing blogs about anything and everything nostalgic. I am always available to answer questions and speak at book clubs.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
January 20, 2021
I have had the benefit of "talking" to the author and she informed me that the original idea behind this book was to create a book that detailed her parent's lives so her children would be able to feel like they knew them. It is a wonderful idea and I love that Karen decided two things:
1. To not sugarcoat her telling of the lives of her parents,
and
2. To share their story with the world.
Too often when telling others about our parents, or even those who came before them, we edit out the warts of their lives. It is human nature to want people to like us, and somehow that seems to extend to our ancestors as well. No one wants to admit that the blood that flows through our veins or that the DNA in our makeup has any taint to it at all. But, humans are never completely good, or completely bad. And, just because our ancestor did something or had an illness, does not mean that we have the same illness or even the same tendencies.
In LOOKING FOR NORMAL, we learn that Karen's Grandparents and parents were not perfect (whose were?) We also learn that her parents were determined to create better lives for themselves and to break the family cycle of unhappiness.
The story begins with the following:
"Frances hated her mother. She was taught by the nuns that it was not "Biblical" to hate. So, she decided to leave her mother and the Catholic Church in one fell swoop. Both forces in her life had deceived and criticized her. In Frances's eyes, both were hypocritical."
Now, if reading that short paragraph does not entice you to want to read more, well then, you must not have an inquisitive bone in your body. For me, that very first paragraph had we wanting to know more.
Why does Frances hate her mother? What would make someone go to the extreme of saying they hated their mother? What terrible thing or things had she done to Frances? And, why did she hate the church? What had they done to be hypocritical? What did they criticize her about?
So, on I read and what I discovered was a compelling tale which began with Frances (the author's mother) at the train station in 1941 waiting to catch a train to Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.
"Frances took one last look at her family. Standing on the platform with them, she felt adventurous and defiant, with no fear of the unknown as she bravely embarked on this journey towards her future... She was physically and mentally abandoning this town, her family, and all the narrow-minded, crazy people in it."
The courage to pick up and move to a city she had never seen, and to do it as a woman alone, was almost unheard of in 1941. That she did this at a time in history when women were viewed as property of their fathers or husbands, says multitudes about her character and fierce determination.
I do not want to give away too much of the story, so suffice it to say that every reader who picks up this book will be rooting for Frances to find love and understanding.
In addition to being a fascinating story, LOOKING FOR NORMAL also transports readers into the past. This book allows us to glimpse what life was like for ordinary people during the last few generations. It is a true gift to read a true story such as this which is set not in the United States, but right here in Canada.
I enjoyed this book immensely and was thrilled to have the next book in the "series" already on hand so that I could continue to follow the history of the author. I rate LOOKING FOR NORMAL as 5 out of 5 Enthusiastic Stars.
I will be posting my review of the second book - WHERE IS MY HAPPY ENDING? in the next day or two.
*** Thank you to the Author for providing me with a free copy of this book. ***
To learn more go to:
http://bit.ly/Looking4Normal
(Link is case sensitive)
1. To not sugarcoat her telling of the lives of her parents,
and
2. To share their story with the world.
Too often when telling others about our parents, or even those who came before them, we edit out the warts of their lives. It is human nature to want people to like us, and somehow that seems to extend to our ancestors as well. No one wants to admit that the blood that flows through our veins or that the DNA in our makeup has any taint to it at all. But, humans are never completely good, or completely bad. And, just because our ancestor did something or had an illness, does not mean that we have the same illness or even the same tendencies.
In LOOKING FOR NORMAL, we learn that Karen's Grandparents and parents were not perfect (whose were?) We also learn that her parents were determined to create better lives for themselves and to break the family cycle of unhappiness.
The story begins with the following:
"Frances hated her mother. She was taught by the nuns that it was not "Biblical" to hate. So, she decided to leave her mother and the Catholic Church in one fell swoop. Both forces in her life had deceived and criticized her. In Frances's eyes, both were hypocritical."
Now, if reading that short paragraph does not entice you to want to read more, well then, you must not have an inquisitive bone in your body. For me, that very first paragraph had we wanting to know more.
Why does Frances hate her mother? What would make someone go to the extreme of saying they hated their mother? What terrible thing or things had she done to Frances? And, why did she hate the church? What had they done to be hypocritical? What did they criticize her about?
So, on I read and what I discovered was a compelling tale which began with Frances (the author's mother) at the train station in 1941 waiting to catch a train to Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada.
"Frances took one last look at her family. Standing on the platform with them, she felt adventurous and defiant, with no fear of the unknown as she bravely embarked on this journey towards her future... She was physically and mentally abandoning this town, her family, and all the narrow-minded, crazy people in it."
The courage to pick up and move to a city she had never seen, and to do it as a woman alone, was almost unheard of in 1941. That she did this at a time in history when women were viewed as property of their fathers or husbands, says multitudes about her character and fierce determination.
I do not want to give away too much of the story, so suffice it to say that every reader who picks up this book will be rooting for Frances to find love and understanding.
In addition to being a fascinating story, LOOKING FOR NORMAL also transports readers into the past. This book allows us to glimpse what life was like for ordinary people during the last few generations. It is a true gift to read a true story such as this which is set not in the United States, but right here in Canada.
I enjoyed this book immensely and was thrilled to have the next book in the "series" already on hand so that I could continue to follow the history of the author. I rate LOOKING FOR NORMAL as 5 out of 5 Enthusiastic Stars.
I will be posting my review of the second book - WHERE IS MY HAPPY ENDING? in the next day or two.
*** Thank you to the Author for providing me with a free copy of this book. ***
To learn more go to:
http://bit.ly/Looking4Normal
(Link is case sensitive)
September 9, 2020
This book was told in such a way that the characters came alive and it was heart warming to join them in their struggles . The writing was expressive and invites the reader to join in the adventure and grieve at the losses as well as rejoice at the joys . It really helped me to realize that all families have their struggles and are looking for ways to accept and love one another even when we mess it up. Helped me to understand my own family more.
November 30, 2018
Such a beautifully written memoir!!
May 18, 2020
Karen graciously sent me a copy of her book in exchange for an honest review. Thank you!
I don’t know how many readers of this blog are Canadian, but I’ve always found that learning Canadian history to be quite sparse. I knew who the first Prime Minister was, I knew about the Mounties (well, I knew a very colonialist-biased view of the Mounties), I knew about the War of 1812 (which isn’t a Canadian thing, because we weren’t Canada until 1867), and I knew we were part of both World Wars before the Americans. But that’s it. Canada was a very rich place before it became Canada, but we know very little about it. I think we recognize very little of our settler history as well. I think it’s important that family stories such as this one get heard, because it’s a small snapshot of what life was like. If it happened to one person, it very well could have happened to another.
In the city I live in, only English-speaking white history was recorded by the “historian”, despite the fact there was a decent Scandinavian populace living there. We are now relying on family stories to fill in some gaps. For instance, I had no idea that folks rode train cars to the west for opportunity. But author Karen Harmon’s father did just that.
I’m grateful for authors for recording these stories, as well as the subjects for sharing those stories. Our history used to be told orally, passed down among the generations. I’m glad that some of these stories are written down for the rest of us.
Frances and Vince certainly had stories to tell. Frances moved to Vancouver because she needed to get out of her town. Her mother and sister both probably suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder (though, no official diagnosis would be made of course) and Frances, and Frances’ father often found themselves on the other end of the stick. It is also hinted at that something awful happened to Frances, perhaps sexual assault that Frances buried down and just moved on from.
Vince’s mother left when he was young, and when Vince was 13, his father remarried a girl only 3 years older than he was. She probably had a cognitive delay, though again, there was probably no diagnosis and no understanding of what that meant. Vince just knew he didn’t like her and that was a catalyst for him to leave his Saskatchewan town.
The two found each other – they were on a double blind date, but not partnered together, though Karen tells us they held each other’s hands under the table during the date. I guess when you know, you know!
I found poor Frances couldn’t catch a break with her family. She left Alberta to be away from them, but found herself sharing a home with her sister, side by side with her parents. Her sister became increasingly erratic and it was clear she and their mother had a very toxic co-dependent relationship.
After Vince died, Frances struggled with her own mental health. It’s a sobering reminder of how many suffered in silence while still trying to maintain this element of “normal.” How much of society has dictated how a person live, in order for them to be of use to that same society. How much do we have to tamper down, carry on our shoulders, or whatever just to march on down the road with everyone else.
This story is not so far removed. Frances and Vince were the parents of Boomers. They and their children shaped a lot of what the world is now, for better or for worse. Understanding our history, personal and global is important to reconciling our present (for some), and changing our future.
I didn’t know these people when I started this book, and they’re not celebrities so people might not flock to take this book off the shelf, nor have I really been to Vancouver to marvel at the old pictures (which I loved to look at and were the perfect addition to the book), but I still felt really engaged with the story; Karen’s writing style is very welcoming and allowed for us to step into both Frances and Vince’s story quite easily.
I enjoyed this book, and I’m glad that more and more people are sharing their stories like this. It’s all a part of the human experience, isn’t it?
I don’t know how many readers of this blog are Canadian, but I’ve always found that learning Canadian history to be quite sparse. I knew who the first Prime Minister was, I knew about the Mounties (well, I knew a very colonialist-biased view of the Mounties), I knew about the War of 1812 (which isn’t a Canadian thing, because we weren’t Canada until 1867), and I knew we were part of both World Wars before the Americans. But that’s it. Canada was a very rich place before it became Canada, but we know very little about it. I think we recognize very little of our settler history as well. I think it’s important that family stories such as this one get heard, because it’s a small snapshot of what life was like. If it happened to one person, it very well could have happened to another.
In the city I live in, only English-speaking white history was recorded by the “historian”, despite the fact there was a decent Scandinavian populace living there. We are now relying on family stories to fill in some gaps. For instance, I had no idea that folks rode train cars to the west for opportunity. But author Karen Harmon’s father did just that.
I’m grateful for authors for recording these stories, as well as the subjects for sharing those stories. Our history used to be told orally, passed down among the generations. I’m glad that some of these stories are written down for the rest of us.
Frances and Vince certainly had stories to tell. Frances moved to Vancouver because she needed to get out of her town. Her mother and sister both probably suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder (though, no official diagnosis would be made of course) and Frances, and Frances’ father often found themselves on the other end of the stick. It is also hinted at that something awful happened to Frances, perhaps sexual assault that Frances buried down and just moved on from.
Vince’s mother left when he was young, and when Vince was 13, his father remarried a girl only 3 years older than he was. She probably had a cognitive delay, though again, there was probably no diagnosis and no understanding of what that meant. Vince just knew he didn’t like her and that was a catalyst for him to leave his Saskatchewan town.
The two found each other – they were on a double blind date, but not partnered together, though Karen tells us they held each other’s hands under the table during the date. I guess when you know, you know!
I found poor Frances couldn’t catch a break with her family. She left Alberta to be away from them, but found herself sharing a home with her sister, side by side with her parents. Her sister became increasingly erratic and it was clear she and their mother had a very toxic co-dependent relationship.
After Vince died, Frances struggled with her own mental health. It’s a sobering reminder of how many suffered in silence while still trying to maintain this element of “normal.” How much of society has dictated how a person live, in order for them to be of use to that same society. How much do we have to tamper down, carry on our shoulders, or whatever just to march on down the road with everyone else.
This story is not so far removed. Frances and Vince were the parents of Boomers. They and their children shaped a lot of what the world is now, for better or for worse. Understanding our history, personal and global is important to reconciling our present (for some), and changing our future.
I didn’t know these people when I started this book, and they’re not celebrities so people might not flock to take this book off the shelf, nor have I really been to Vancouver to marvel at the old pictures (which I loved to look at and were the perfect addition to the book), but I still felt really engaged with the story; Karen’s writing style is very welcoming and allowed for us to step into both Frances and Vince’s story quite easily.
I enjoyed this book, and I’m glad that more and more people are sharing their stories like this. It’s all a part of the human experience, isn’t it?
May 20, 2019
Looking for Normal is an exceptional inside look at growing up within a family dynamic that involves mental illness. Karen has allowed herself to be vulnerable in the telling of her story, lending credibility and insight to this often delicate, often underplayed, but very real struggle that many people have to deal with on a daily basis. Her perspective is laced with humour, and yet it does not diminish the seriousness of the circumstance. This is a very good read! It is full of historical information, yet is not a dry history book. Instead, it easily transposes the reader to the different eras spanned by the story. I highly recommend you sit down with a nice cup of tea and enjoy this story. You won't want to put it down until you are done. Happy reading!
May 31, 2019
I so enjoyed this wonderful memoir. Karen is a superb story teller who recounts the history of her parents, who both came from quite difficult backgrounds, and then came together to create a family of their own. Whatever “Normal” is, most of us have a history of times in our lives that were challenging, and Karen is generous to share her and her families past with honesty, touches of humour and much love.
Since I‘m the same age as Karen (and have lived the past 17 years in the house that her parents built!!), I was especially captured by all of the stories from the 60’s and 70’s, as well as the tidbits of history that are interwoven between the stories. It was a page turning trip down memory lane. I highly recommend “Looking for Normal”!
Since I‘m the same age as Karen (and have lived the past 17 years in the house that her parents built!!), I was especially captured by all of the stories from the 60’s and 70’s, as well as the tidbits of history that are interwoven between the stories. It was a page turning trip down memory lane. I highly recommend “Looking for Normal”!
June 1, 2019
I bought this book for a family member. She writes: Congratulation Karen Harmon on the debut of your first novel Looking for Normal. I enjoyed reading your book from the very first few chapters...I didn't want to put it down. Your story is so poignant and so loving towards your parents who suffered life's struggles which most of us do at some point but they did it with such strength and conviction, especially your father. I admire that you didn't hold back and expressed the feelings that many people don't share for fear of being labeled with mental instability. Looking forward to your second novel!
January 2, 2019
Karen's incredible talent to tell her family's story captivated my attention from the very first chapter. Through the heartwarming events of her life she let us inside to bare witness it all. Her vulnerability exposed the raw sides of a family that went through hard ships and challenges, but love always surfaced.
Karen's genuinity, comes through in her words and in person. I feel privileged to know her as a person and as a writer.
"The story I choose to tell is valuable, it belongs to me, so I can passionately tell it with every ounce of conviction that I can muster." - a life lesson from Karen's father Vince. A lesson that will now stick with me.
Karen's genuinity, comes through in her words and in person. I feel privileged to know her as a person and as a writer.
"The story I choose to tell is valuable, it belongs to me, so I can passionately tell it with every ounce of conviction that I can muster." - a life lesson from Karen's father Vince. A lesson that will now stick with me.
February 16, 2019
Looking for normal is a beautifully written story by Karen Harmon. It details the origins of her parents romance and the struggles of living in a changing world. Karen holds nothing back and is open and honest of the difficulties in being a child surrounded with loved ones who struggle from mental illness. She manages to find humor, beauty and love in her memories, which is an indication of the strong and vibrant woman she is, persevering through and managing to find her own happiness and sense of self. Truly a touching story with her honest reflections.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 11, 2018
"Looking for Normal" was an interesting read. I felt I was walking beside Vince and Frances from the first page and felt their emotions first hand.
The old family photos were a really nice bonus as we were able to put faces to the story.
Anyone with an interest in early Vancouver would like the photos and references.
I really enjoyed following Vince and Frances's story and would recommend this book.
The old family photos were a really nice bonus as we were able to put faces to the story.
Anyone with an interest in early Vancouver would like the photos and references.
I really enjoyed following Vince and Frances's story and would recommend this book.
December 21, 2018
Thank you for writing this book Karen.
I feel honoured to get to know your parents through your wonderful storytelling ability.
It's obvious you were paying attention to their stories when you were growing up because I feel like I know more about your parents then my own.
I'm envious that you knew to ask, and more importantly, to listen to their answers.
The stories you've pulled together are heartfelt and paint a wonderful picture.
I feel honoured to get to know your parents through your wonderful storytelling ability.
It's obvious you were paying attention to their stories when you were growing up because I feel like I know more about your parents then my own.
I'm envious that you knew to ask, and more importantly, to listen to their answers.
The stories you've pulled together are heartfelt and paint a wonderful picture.
January 24, 2019
“Looking For Normal”
A fantastic read by Karen Harmon on growing up in the 60’s and 70’s in Vancouver & Mission, BC and her parents perseverance in search of a better life for themselves and their future family.
Surviving the Great Depression, moving out West, dealing with addiction, mental illness, but no shortage of love and happiness.
This booked warmed my heart as it paralleled my life in so many ways.
I loved the information paragraphs added.
A fantastic read by Karen Harmon on growing up in the 60’s and 70’s in Vancouver & Mission, BC and her parents perseverance in search of a better life for themselves and their future family.
Surviving the Great Depression, moving out West, dealing with addiction, mental illness, but no shortage of love and happiness.
This booked warmed my heart as it paralleled my life in so many ways.
I loved the information paragraphs added.
January 31, 2019
Wow Looking For Normal by Karen Harmon was a great read, I have known the Bonner family for just shy of 53 years and I never knew the family history of Fran and Vince. The book is filled with facts and history of the depression and going through the decades. I went through quite a few emotions reading this book from being sad to smiling to laughing out loud. It’s funny how you might know someone all your life but no nothing about them at the same time .
January 12, 2019
I was taken on a reading journey, travelling through time, informative clarity of for her parents history. A history that includes Canada, British Columbia and North Vancouver. The insight Karen Harmon has on mental health, the light she sheds on such a topic comes from her own experiences. This was a book I could not put down. An easy read which I so loved.
May 22, 2019
Karen we have known each other for almost 40 years and never knew your family history.
„Looking for Normal“ is an amazing and emotional journey of love, heartache, historical facts, photos and Mental Illness.
A beautifully written Memoir. I found myself laughing out loud, sad, intrigued, and the historical facts were fascinating. Thank you!
„Looking for Normal“ is an amazing and emotional journey of love, heartache, historical facts, photos and Mental Illness.
A beautifully written Memoir. I found myself laughing out loud, sad, intrigued, and the historical facts were fascinating. Thank you!
Read
January 3, 2019I loved this book, couldn't put it down once I started reading.
I great up in a similar era to Karen and her stories about growing up in North Vancouver brought back many warm memories.
I enjoyed the relationship that she shared with her father, and again brought back many great memories of my childhood.
Thank you for sharing your stories - I highly recommend this book.
I great up in a similar era to Karen and her stories about growing up in North Vancouver brought back many warm memories.
I enjoyed the relationship that she shared with her father, and again brought back many great memories of my childhood.
Thank you for sharing your stories - I highly recommend this book.
January 16, 2019
Looking for Normal is a delight to read, well-paced and interspersed with relevant historical background and vivid detail. The story is, at the same time heart warming and heart breaking, full of honesty and humour. Well done and well worth reading. Thank you, Karen for inviting us in.
May 28, 2020
I loved this book...normal is just a setting on your dryer....so true!! Once I started reading it I couldn’t put it down. The author is very honest and down to earth. I loved that it is a true story and extremely well written.
January 19, 2021
Karen will take you on a very personal journey, recalling the good times and the bad times experienced over the years, growing up on the west coast of British Columbia, Canada. If you are a Baby Boomer and/or enjoy reading a heartfelt non-fiction story of life, this book is for you!
December 21, 2018
The story held the attention to the very end.It is a heartwarming account of her father’s life from a boy deprived of love and ending with a close and loving relationship with his daughter.
January 12, 2019
This book is a remarkable read. I simply could not put it down. Karen Harmon has such a good grasp of capturing moments of time in history.
May 19, 2019
A very enjoyable read Karen. Definitely brought back some memories not to mention the facts that you put in your book along the way about Stanley Park and the Second Narrows Bridge etc. Well done
June 22, 2020
Karen's writing is so enigmatic and kind it will hit you right in the feels. Great read!
August 24, 2021
I didn't know what to expect when I began to read this memoir. I have a background in mental health so I was looking forward to reading what the author had to say about it. I found that she handled the challenges within her family tree with grace, kindness, and honesty. I loved how she sprinkled her family's truth with some historical asides, that gave the reader information about some of the sites, events and notable people of the day. Highly recommended.
November 7, 2021
A bit of an addictive read. Put some time aside and treat yourself!
Take a personal day. Tuck in and indulge yourself. I usually have trouble finishing a book. I couldn’t stop reading this one. Such an honest and courageous story of a “normal” family. Very relatable and comforting. Those of us with crazy family stories are in good company.
Take a personal day. Tuck in and indulge yourself. I usually have trouble finishing a book. I couldn’t stop reading this one. Such an honest and courageous story of a “normal” family. Very relatable and comforting. Those of us with crazy family stories are in good company.
November 12, 2018
Loved this book. It was interesting, funny and hard to put down once I started. I loved reading about the real life family drama and local history.
October 1, 2018
Beautifully written memoir as a tribute to the authors' parents.
I liked the way the author seamlessly wove in interesting historical facts about Vancouver and BC into her story.
A page turner with fascinating character development.
I liked the way the author seamlessly wove in interesting historical facts about Vancouver and BC into her story.
A page turner with fascinating character development.
January 20, 2020
I couldn't put this book down. I fell in love early on with each character. This book made me laugh out loud, smile real wide and cry a few times. Karen does an excellent job of bringing her family's story to life! It's vulnerable, informative, courageous and captivating! I loved it!
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September 20, 2020This was such a good read! I loved how we got to see a progression in Karen’s story and in her writing! Karen addresses devastating experiences in such a thoughtful way. Through her writing we can empathize with the pain she has gone through, while feeling the strength she exudes. Every hardship only made her stronger. Her humour and heartbreak made the book very hard to put down!!!
November 17, 2018
I thoroughly enjoyed Karen Harmon’s easy read Looking for Normal. This book took me back to my years growing up in British Columbia in the 60’s and 70’s. It was fun to read about all the things Karen’s family did for fun and went through. Her parents lives in the depression years were also intriguing and reminded me of what my parents and grandparents went through. Karen adds interesting history sections about Vancouver and British Columbia to her story as well as information about mental health issues. One comes away having really enjoyed the characters in this family as well as getting some history and mental health education. Good read!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews