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The Confidence Code for Girls: Taking Risks, Messing Up, and Becoming Your Amazingly Imperfect, Totally Powerful Self
Girls can rule the world—all they need is confidence. This empowering, entertaining guide from the bestselling authors of The Confidence Code gives girls the essential yet elusive code to becoming bold, brave, and fearless.
It’s a paradox familiar to parents everywhere: girls are achieving like never before, yet they’re consumed with doubt on the inside. Girls worry constantly about how they look, what people think, whether to try out for a sports team or school play, why they aren’t getting “perfect” grades, and how many likes and followers they have online.
Katty Kay and Claire Shipman use cutting-edge science and research, as well as proven methods of behavioral change, to reach girls just when they need it the most—the tween and teen years.
Packed with graphic novel strips, appealing illustrations, fun lists, quizzes, and challenges, and true stories from tons of real girls, The Confidence Code for Girls teaches girls to embrace risk, deal with failure, and be their most authentic selves.
If your daughters loved Gutsy Girl or Rad American Women A-Z, they’ll love this.
It’s a paradox familiar to parents everywhere: girls are achieving like never before, yet they’re consumed with doubt on the inside. Girls worry constantly about how they look, what people think, whether to try out for a sports team or school play, why they aren’t getting “perfect” grades, and how many likes and followers they have online.
Katty Kay and Claire Shipman use cutting-edge science and research, as well as proven methods of behavioral change, to reach girls just when they need it the most—the tween and teen years.
Packed with graphic novel strips, appealing illustrations, fun lists, quizzes, and challenges, and true stories from tons of real girls, The Confidence Code for Girls teaches girls to embrace risk, deal with failure, and be their most authentic selves.
If your daughters loved Gutsy Girl or Rad American Women A-Z, they’ll love this.
320 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 3, 2018
739 people are currently reading
5205 people want to read
About the author
Katty Kay
17 books121 followersKatherine "Katty" Kay (born c. 1964) is an English journalist. She is the lead anchor of BBC World News America and was previously the BBC News Washington correspondent from 2002. Until 2009 she also blogged at the website True/Slant and is a Board Member at the IWMF (International Women's Media Foundation).
Kay grew up in various Middle East countries, where her father was posted as a British diplomat. She studied modern languages at the University of Oxford and, as a result, speaks fluent French and Italian. After graduation, she briefly worked for the Bank of England. Deciding a career in economics was not for her, she left to work for an aid agency in Zimbabwe.
A short time later, friend Matt Frei came out with a tape recorder and persuaded her to become a journalist. Kay joined the BBC in 1990 as Zimbabwe correspondent for the African section of the BBC World Service. She then returned to London to work for BBC World Service radio, before being posted to Tokyo for BBC News television in 1992 and then Washington, D.C., in 1996. Soon afterwards, she joined The Times news bureau, but returned to the BBC as a freelance journalist in 2002, based in the United States.
From June 2004, Kay co-presented the BBC World news bulletins with Mike Embley in London, shown on 230 public broadcast-television stations throughout the US and on BBC America. From 1 October 2007, Kay became correspondent to presenter Matt Frei of BBC World's one-hour Washington-based news broadcast, BBC World News America, it airs on the BBC News Channel, BBC America, and BBC World. Kay also makes frequent appearances as a guest panelist on The Chris Matthews Show and Meet the Press on NBC, and in the past also appeared on Larry King Live on CNN. She occasionally substitutes for Diane Rehm on The Diane Rehm Show on NPR.
On 2 June 2009, Harper Collins published Womenomics, a book written by Kay and ABC News' Good Morning America senior national correspondent Claire Shipman exploring the redefinition of success for working women based on recent trends of the value of women to the business world.
On April 15, 2014, HarperBusiness published [sold by HarperCollins Publishers] The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know, a book written by Kay and Claire Shipman.
Kay is married to ex-BBC reporter and current Control Risks Group senior vice-president Tom Carver. They have four children. She is non-religious and considers herself to be an agnostic.
Kay grew up in various Middle East countries, where her father was posted as a British diplomat. She studied modern languages at the University of Oxford and, as a result, speaks fluent French and Italian. After graduation, she briefly worked for the Bank of England. Deciding a career in economics was not for her, she left to work for an aid agency in Zimbabwe.
A short time later, friend Matt Frei came out with a tape recorder and persuaded her to become a journalist. Kay joined the BBC in 1990 as Zimbabwe correspondent for the African section of the BBC World Service. She then returned to London to work for BBC World Service radio, before being posted to Tokyo for BBC News television in 1992 and then Washington, D.C., in 1996. Soon afterwards, she joined The Times news bureau, but returned to the BBC as a freelance journalist in 2002, based in the United States.
From June 2004, Kay co-presented the BBC World news bulletins with Mike Embley in London, shown on 230 public broadcast-television stations throughout the US and on BBC America. From 1 October 2007, Kay became correspondent to presenter Matt Frei of BBC World's one-hour Washington-based news broadcast, BBC World News America, it airs on the BBC News Channel, BBC America, and BBC World. Kay also makes frequent appearances as a guest panelist on The Chris Matthews Show and Meet the Press on NBC, and in the past also appeared on Larry King Live on CNN. She occasionally substitutes for Diane Rehm on The Diane Rehm Show on NPR.
On 2 June 2009, Harper Collins published Womenomics, a book written by Kay and ABC News' Good Morning America senior national correspondent Claire Shipman exploring the redefinition of success for working women based on recent trends of the value of women to the business world.
On April 15, 2014, HarperBusiness published [sold by HarperCollins Publishers] The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know, a book written by Kay and Claire Shipman.
Kay is married to ex-BBC reporter and current Control Risks Group senior vice-president Tom Carver. They have four children. She is non-religious and considers herself to be an agnostic.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 186 reviews
March 27, 2019
This is such a positive book for girls! I found it well thought out and perfectly executed for its target audience - tween girls. My girls (ages 13 & 12) really enjoyed the book - especially the quizzes! It had aspects that appealed to each of their tastes. My graphic novel lover liked the quirky illustrations and comics sprinkled throughout the book. It definitely helped keep her engaged while reading. My younger daughter loved taking the quizzes then quizzing her sister to see where their similarities and differences lied with their responses.
This book opened up some wonderful dialogue between my girls as sisters and led to some great mommy-daughter chats as well. I loved its message of empowerment. I wish I had something like this growing up. It offered insightful strategies and was very timely for girls of this generation. I appreciate that it included topics such as being aware of screen time and that all elusive "online perfection". I wouldn't hesitate to recommend this (or gift it) to all the tween girls I know and love.
This book opened up some wonderful dialogue between my girls as sisters and led to some great mommy-daughter chats as well. I loved its message of empowerment. I wish I had something like this growing up. It offered insightful strategies and was very timely for girls of this generation. I appreciate that it included topics such as being aware of screen time and that all elusive "online perfection". I wouldn't hesitate to recommend this (or gift it) to all the tween girls I know and love.
July 15, 2019
A mostly-good guide for tween and early teen girls, with a couple of caveats...
This is a how-to guide to being confident, having a go, risking and responding to failure, and managing anxiety. It is written for teens and tween girls, with anecdotes focused around experiences such as trying out for school teams, dealing with school tests, navigating friendships and parents, and the impacts of social media.
Age range stuff - I think about 8-16yo: no sex, drugs, or rock’n’roll. There is reference to periods - for example, one anecdote is about a girl who campaigned to get pad and tampon dispensers installed in her middle school. My 9yo found it engaging, with comics, quizzes, and examples she could relate to. There is a chapter on social media, cyberbullying, and managing self-esteem in that environment.
Inclusivity: generally v good - LGBTQ+ experiences are referred to in the context of gender presentation and having the confidence to be yourself. Big points to the quiz scenario question re a friend telling you about her crush being about ‘Sam’, whose gender is not identified, and to a positive story about a transgender girl figuring out her identity. There are a range of ethnicities and religions represented in anecdotes. There is care taken to be representative but avoid stereotypes, drawing on stories of real people (names changed.)
That’s the good stuff... here are the potential downsides to be aware of:
There is a chapter on recognising and critiquing gender stereotypes in advertising and everyday life. This was generally done well except for a brief reference to some disembodied, uncredited statistics, which say things like ‘girls do better than boys in school at all ages and subjects’. Er... in which countries? How was this measured? What is the reader supposed to make of this random statistic, which is otherwise not discussed further? I would have preferred that they had more qualified statistics and links to further reading to explore if interested. (The source is referenced in the bibliography, but I don’t think the average tween is going to refer to their subscription to Psychological Bulletin to find out more.)
There is some simplified discussion of the psychology of anxiety, but the approach offered is basically CBT - about identifying your thoughts and patterns like catastrophic thinking etc. - and developing new thought patterns. Having dealt with anxiety, I think there are significant limitations to this approach. If you are REALLY anxious, your brain essentially short-circuits past logic and sits in an overwhelmingly emotional space, because there are literally ‘panic’ chemicals raging through your body that don’t disappear because you tell yourself there’s nothing to panic about. In this mode, simply telling yourself you’re being illogical does not make you less anxious, it just makes you feel powerless to manage your anxiety. Techniques to unwind, such as mindfulness, breathing, and other things that engage the body directly are necessary (and, for some people, medication). So, please be aware that this book is great for the average person who is struggling with normal self-doubt, self-esteem etc, but the techniques in that chapter are not for someone who is prone to significant anxiety or panic attacks.
There are also some completely unnecessary and decontextualised references to differences between male and female brains - women tend to be better at multi-tasking etc. You know, the usual. What is the reader to make of this? Validation? Alienation? Do they compare themselves to the statistical ‘norm’? Accuse or excuse people for their ‘male’ and ‘female’ behaviour? The book could either have done without this, or have actually discussed what constructive purpose this information might have.
Overall, I think it’s a fairly decent book, but one that probably requires accompanying discussion about its weak points. I think the two points I make about decontextualised references bother me because they are basically an ‘appeal to tribalism’ (Team Girl!). Gender equality is a real and serious issue, and this kind of stuff is not only unhelpful, it has the potential to completely backfire by creating straw men for those opposed to gender equality to focus on in order to avoid dealing with the real issues. But this is only about 0.5% of the book, so overall I think it is mostly still great content for most tween girls.
This is a how-to guide to being confident, having a go, risking and responding to failure, and managing anxiety. It is written for teens and tween girls, with anecdotes focused around experiences such as trying out for school teams, dealing with school tests, navigating friendships and parents, and the impacts of social media.
Age range stuff - I think about 8-16yo: no sex, drugs, or rock’n’roll. There is reference to periods - for example, one anecdote is about a girl who campaigned to get pad and tampon dispensers installed in her middle school. My 9yo found it engaging, with comics, quizzes, and examples she could relate to. There is a chapter on social media, cyberbullying, and managing self-esteem in that environment.
Inclusivity: generally v good - LGBTQ+ experiences are referred to in the context of gender presentation and having the confidence to be yourself. Big points to the quiz scenario question re a friend telling you about her crush being about ‘Sam’, whose gender is not identified, and to a positive story about a transgender girl figuring out her identity. There are a range of ethnicities and religions represented in anecdotes. There is care taken to be representative but avoid stereotypes, drawing on stories of real people (names changed.)
That’s the good stuff... here are the potential downsides to be aware of:
There is a chapter on recognising and critiquing gender stereotypes in advertising and everyday life. This was generally done well except for a brief reference to some disembodied, uncredited statistics, which say things like ‘girls do better than boys in school at all ages and subjects’. Er... in which countries? How was this measured? What is the reader supposed to make of this random statistic, which is otherwise not discussed further? I would have preferred that they had more qualified statistics and links to further reading to explore if interested. (The source is referenced in the bibliography, but I don’t think the average tween is going to refer to their subscription to Psychological Bulletin to find out more.)
There is some simplified discussion of the psychology of anxiety, but the approach offered is basically CBT - about identifying your thoughts and patterns like catastrophic thinking etc. - and developing new thought patterns. Having dealt with anxiety, I think there are significant limitations to this approach. If you are REALLY anxious, your brain essentially short-circuits past logic and sits in an overwhelmingly emotional space, because there are literally ‘panic’ chemicals raging through your body that don’t disappear because you tell yourself there’s nothing to panic about. In this mode, simply telling yourself you’re being illogical does not make you less anxious, it just makes you feel powerless to manage your anxiety. Techniques to unwind, such as mindfulness, breathing, and other things that engage the body directly are necessary (and, for some people, medication). So, please be aware that this book is great for the average person who is struggling with normal self-doubt, self-esteem etc, but the techniques in that chapter are not for someone who is prone to significant anxiety or panic attacks.
There are also some completely unnecessary and decontextualised references to differences between male and female brains - women tend to be better at multi-tasking etc. You know, the usual. What is the reader to make of this? Validation? Alienation? Do they compare themselves to the statistical ‘norm’? Accuse or excuse people for their ‘male’ and ‘female’ behaviour? The book could either have done without this, or have actually discussed what constructive purpose this information might have.
Overall, I think it’s a fairly decent book, but one that probably requires accompanying discussion about its weak points. I think the two points I make about decontextualised references bother me because they are basically an ‘appeal to tribalism’ (Team Girl!). Gender equality is a real and serious issue, and this kind of stuff is not only unhelpful, it has the potential to completely backfire by creating straw men for those opposed to gender equality to focus on in order to avoid dealing with the real issues. But this is only about 0.5% of the book, so overall I think it is mostly still great content for most tween girls.
July 12, 2020
Adorable and lots of fun, but not very profound. Some of the advice cuts two ways. Like "do it for purpose, not perfection or approval." It's okay to tell girls not to worry about approval from other girls. But what about parents? What if parents are the ones with unrealistic expectations? What if parents are the ones obsessed with appearances? Its kind of like what Ser Jaime Lannister says in GAME OF THRONES. "They tell you it's simple. Obey your king. Honor your father. But suppose your king is a madman? Suppose your father is a scoundrel? Are you supposed to obey the mad king when he tells you to murder your scoundrel father?"
In the real world, girls don't always get undermined by their peers. Sometimes it's parents who do the most damage, because they're so badly damaged themselves.
In the real world, girls don't always get undermined by their peers. Sometimes it's parents who do the most damage, because they're so badly damaged themselves.
July 7, 2019
I have been hearing a lot about this book, and the confidence gap between boys and girls in general. As a mother of boys, it isn’t something I really thought about a whole lot when my kids were little. But I have two beautiful nieces that turn 11 this weekend, so I wanted to get them something so that they knew the world was theirs for the taking, and that there are tools, simple tools, simple ways of thinking about things that can make life so much less stressful. Of course, I had to read it myself before giving it to them. Did I agree with everything? No. did I make a couple of notes in the margins when that happened? You bet. Do I think this book will completely change the way they think? Of course not. But I know the next few years will be some of the toughest they will face, and if this give them any relief as they navigate the minefields of junior and senior high, I will consider it money well spent.
April 26, 2018
Such a smart and accessible book for young girls! Love the mixture of narrative, research, illustrations, and quizzes. I enjoyed reading and will be recommending to all the young people in my life.
May 29, 2019
Solid 3
July 15, 2020
This is a must read for girls. I really think this book would fit any girl age 8 and up. The style is light and quick and it packs a punch. Some brain research delivered in kids language. I think reading this book should be on every girl’s list.
August 14, 2018
Reading this ahead of my 14 y.o. daughter. Every summer I assign her a few books to keep her busy, broaden her perspective, and help her grow into a healthy, happy, courageous person. I recommend this one for girls AND boys. It will encourage girls to embrace their self-confidence and courage. It'll help boys understand how the world around them treats women and girls. It's an easy read, written for pre-teens and teens, with a handful of exercises to drive home the points being made.
June 3, 2018
I read this book with my daughters who are nine and twelve. I would highly recommend it for all tween girls. It's fantastic! It has great examples plus real help to get past the worry of failing.
November 1, 2018
Still figuring out how I'm going to use this with my Girl Scouts. I don't think theones that need it the most will read it. So I'm thinking of using the concepts to teach.
September 6, 2018
I bought this book for my granddaughter to read. She picked it up once and wasn't too interested in it. She is fifth grade. It might be a little to advanced for her. She is also not an enthusiastic reader. I will save it and maybe she will be more interested in it in a year or so. The title pretty much says it all. Not so sure girls are going to get more confidence from reading a book but might be worth a try.
November 26, 2021
Just read the first 2 chapters and you've read the entire book.
November 29, 2024
Cute book on confidence!
May 21, 2022
I'd give this book a three-and-a-half star rating. It was a very interesting and empowering book, and I think that many girls will find it useful. In it are stories about real girls who changed things in their community, quizzes to get you thinking about confidence, and much more! I think that many girls will find that after reading this book, that they can do so many things- with confidence.
April 24, 2019
I thought this book was for adults to understand how to help girls gain more confidence, but it’s actually written for tween girls to read themselves. Girls begin to lose their confidence as they grow up because they can see that girls aren’t treated equally or given access to the same opportunities as boys. (What will it take to pass the Equal Rights Amendment in America?) This message is conveyed over and over until girls feel that their voices and their rights aren’t as important as boy’s. I don’t know how many girls will read an entire book that basically tells them they’re not alone and gives them encouragement to be their awesome selves, but I hope they do. I wish I’d had this book to read growing up. This book does mention alternative sexuality, which some feel is inappropriate, but it’s all around us now and acceptance and not making it a big deal are the best ways to address it, in my opinion.
February 1, 2019
I wish I had read it when I was a teenager..
May 9, 2021
Iako kao odrasli ljudi svoje vrijeme provedeno u školskim klupama često proglašavamo najljepšim vremenom svojeg života (ili barem najslobodnijim), jako se dobro sjećamo situacija u kojima se, upravo zbog manjka samopouzdanja nismo proslavili. Možda nas je mučilo to da uvijek zapinjemo za oko onima kojima ne bismo trebali, a možda smo zapravo uvijek bili nevidljivi. Znali smo da dobar prijatelj zlata vrijedi, ali bilo je i onih dana kada smo vjerovali da nas nitko ne razumije i da smo zaista sami.
Ovaj priručnik idealna je knjiga za sve mlade djevojke koje su premlade da znaju same, a “prestare” da slušaju savjete. Iako su ga pisale odrasle žene, omogućit će mladim tinejdžericama da se, čitajući je, osjećaju kao da razgovaraju s najboljom prijateljicom, koja ne samo da ih razumije, već zaista zna kako pružiti pomoć.
Više o knjizi, strukturi i sadržaju možete pronaći na linku https://kljuczaknjigu.com/djecje-knji...
Ovaj priručnik idealna je knjiga za sve mlade djevojke koje su premlade da znaju same, a “prestare” da slušaju savjete. Iako su ga pisale odrasle žene, omogućit će mladim tinejdžericama da se, čitajući je, osjećaju kao da razgovaraju s najboljom prijateljicom, koja ne samo da ih razumije, već zaista zna kako pružiti pomoć.
Više o knjizi, strukturi i sadržaju možete pronaći na linku https://kljuczaknjigu.com/djecje-knji...
May 2, 2018
There are plenty of young girls who could use a dose of confidence. There are some really great strategies in this book to handle all the feelings that pop up in pre-adolescence and adolescence, and let's be honest, continue into adulthood. I know the authors adapted this from their adult book which I have not read. There are some exercises and quizzes that will definitely tickle the audience, though I think whoever handled the editing of this book and suggested some of the text features may have gone a little overboard to try to attract every type of tween girl reader. I do hope that lots of girls will read this and learn how to risk more, think less and be themselves.
September 8, 2018
I felt this book was really great, even for myself who is a woman of 33 years old. I took a lot from it that I still needed now as an adult and I believe even adults could benefit from the simplified breakdown of aspects.
December 3, 2020
I really liked this book! It helped boost my confidence a little bit. It has fun quizzes and challenges to help raise your confidence. I suggest this book to anybody who needs a little more confidence!!
March 31, 2021
I honestly couldn’t put this book down. I wish the “for Girls” headline wasn’t there because it didn’t seem to just be for girls. Sure, there are a few chapters on feminism, but for the most part the book was for everyone. Especially high school students. The authors define confidence as the magical ingredient that turns thoughts into actions (simple!) and then show how to go about building it. Examples are things like trying out for a school team, recovering after getting rejected, having a courageous conversation with a friend. We need this book! Anxiety, depression, and loneliness are skyrocketing. Especially amongst young people. Yet this book is a balm. Super easy to read with a ton of comics and dialogue peppered throughout.
February 4, 2024
I'm really glad I read this book! It was different than anything I've read before. I liked how it was filled with realistic advice and feedback from other girls. It was also entertaining to read because it had different styles of writing throughout. It had quizzes, little comics at the start of the chapters, and fun fonts to highlight important words. I also felt like I could relate to the topics mentioned in the book. This book felt impactful but not too sugar coated. 4 stars.
April 9, 2020
Some of the examples in this book were super relatable. The overall message that you should just go for it, and not care what kind of judging you might get in return is super powerful. It was eye-opening to read that so many girls are struggling these days.
May 31, 2020
I wish this book existed when I was a tween. Full of actionable information for young women to improve their self-confidence by doing positive things for themselves and others, while learning to embrace failure and avoid perfectionism.
August 28, 2025
This was a weird "for girls" book. It was a bit sexist. And it took the focus off of girls several times in weird ways that made me question who this book is for. It had some good advice and some really weird things to back it up.
February 11, 2019
This have me so many things to think about with my girls!! It was geared toward middle school age and I wasn’t expecting that but I also promptly handed it over to my thirteen year old when I finished with the caveat that we had to discuss some of the more mature topics.
December 18, 2019
Amazing for girls that need a boost in life and need more confidence
April 28, 2020
I am 11 and I got this book for Christmas. I really enjoyed it and I think it will help my level of confidence for school.
July 16, 2019
I picked this book up because it was recommended in my company's book group. I decided to select the preteen version because I figured it would be a faster read, and it was. I got the basic premise that the authors were trying to communicate in far less reading time. It didn't strike me as anything totally mind-blowing, but I'd definitely still have any future daughters of mine read it!
May 6, 2018
I wanted to read this book before handing it off to my daughter. Such a well thought out book, especially the quizzes. Where was this book when I was in middle school? Every school should have a few copies of this book on their shelves.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 186 reviews