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Temporary Bliss #1
Dead Inside
Pain and heartbreak. Tears and blood. Life’s never been easy for Alex. Pushed to become a male prostitute and also having to deal with trauma and abuse in the relationship with his boyfriend, doesn’t help a 19-year-old stay sane. In his struggle and desperation to get out of that toxic environment, he soon finds himself in the middle of something much worse.
Caught between two powerful Russian organizations, a broken man and his abusive lover, Alex has to make a decision and he must choose quickly. But when he starts spiraling out of control, the lines between life and death begin to blur and his steps seem to take him towards what might very well be his end.
Warning: Book contains triggers and approaches subjects such as abuse, self-harm, PTSD and suicidal ideation.
Caught between two powerful Russian organizations, a broken man and his abusive lover, Alex has to make a decision and he must choose quickly. But when he starts spiraling out of control, the lines between life and death begin to blur and his steps seem to take him towards what might very well be his end.
Warning: Book contains triggers and approaches subjects such as abuse, self-harm, PTSD and suicidal ideation.
385 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 23, 2018
39 people are currently reading
409 people want to read
About the author
Alexander Ward
3 books48 followersDescent into Madness available on Amazon - > https://www.amazon.co.uk/Descent-Into...
Shadows of the Past is now available on Amazon -- > https://www.amazon.co.uk/Shadows-Past...
Shadows of the Past is now available on Amazon -- > https://www.amazon.co.uk/Shadows-Past...
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
November 15, 2018
Thanks to Jan for putting this on her to-read lost because it showed up in my updates feed. I probably wouldn't have seen it otherwise. It looked interesting and was KU so I started reading it and couldn't put it down. It completely sucked me in. Alex tugged at my heartstrings; I felt his desperation and sadness and utter exhaustion with his life, and the tiny bursts of hope. This kid just could NOT catch a break. Everyone around him saw him as nothing but a possession and toy, and he just wanted to mean something to someone and be loved and cared for. Broke my heart. The ending gave me a tiny burst of hope, but I'm not getting my hopes up at this point because Alex has only been let down time and time again. I'm really rooting for him and Ray though. This deserves a spot on my favorites list.
January 20, 2021
Great read if you like mafia romance. Told in the first person by Alex. A smarter than he lets on male prostitute. Lots of internal dialogue by the MC Alex. I’m used to lots of dialogue in books so I tended to forget what they were talking about after 3 or 4 pages of internal thoughts and found myself going back a few pages lol.
But that didn’t take away much from an intriguing story. The book does end with the story unfinished so I will be reading the next book to find out what happens to Alex.
But that didn’t take away much from an intriguing story. The book does end with the story unfinished so I will be reading the next book to find out what happens to Alex.
November 23, 2018
Interesting....
I have to say the underlying story, though a bit flawed, was good. My only complaints are that this story is in need of an editor and some of Alex’s inner dialogue, seemed a bit too much at times. I will definitely continue on with series. Please be warned that besides a cliffhanger, the story has talks about suicide, noncon, a suicide attempt, torture and death.
I have to say the underlying story, though a bit flawed, was good. My only complaints are that this story is in need of an editor and some of Alex’s inner dialogue, seemed a bit too much at times. I will definitely continue on with series. Please be warned that besides a cliffhanger, the story has talks about suicide, noncon, a suicide attempt, torture and death.
December 18, 2018
(´*•.¸★¸.•*´★★´*•.¸★¸.•*¨)
❤️🖤LOVE IT🖤❤️ (¸.•*´★´*•.¸★★¸.•*´★´*•.¸)
Get ready bc Miss Ward is going to take you for an emotional roller coaster ride❤️
I would recommend you to read the BLURB, before reading this book, bc it is not for the faint-hearted.
I had the pleasure of beta read this very touching & interesting story! Not a love and a flowers kind of book, it's dark all the way through, and it will catch you from the very first page.
Make it stop. I want to make it stop. I can’t breathe.
Alex - My poor sweet Alex, my heart broke for him, he was one broken soul and it was so hard to read his thoughts – heartbreaking!
I’m done, as a human being. I’m torn in tiny little pieces, left floating in this infinite, uncaring universe -
I am alone
I’m a sucker for angry alpha man and Raymond is just that – Even though I should hate him, I have nothing but LOVE for him and I do NOT think that the author can do anything that will change my mind. I so hope that we get his POV in the next book.
No HEA or HFN, it’s a cliffhanger.
❤️🖤LOVE IT🖤❤️ (¸.•*´★´*•.¸★★¸.•*´★´*•.¸)
Get ready bc Miss Ward is going to take you for an emotional roller coaster ride❤️
I would recommend you to read the BLURB, before reading this book, bc it is not for the faint-hearted.
I had the pleasure of beta read this very touching & interesting story! Not a love and a flowers kind of book, it's dark all the way through, and it will catch you from the very first page.
Make it stop. I want to make it stop. I can’t breathe.Alex - My poor sweet Alex, my heart broke for him, he was one broken soul and it was so hard to read his thoughts – heartbreaking!
I’m done, as a human being. I’m torn in tiny little pieces, left floating in this infinite, uncaring universe -
I am alone
I’m a sucker for angry alpha man and Raymond is just that – Even though I should hate him, I have nothing but LOVE for him and I do NOT think that the author can do anything that will change my mind. I so hope that we get his POV in the next book.
No HEA or HFN, it’s a cliffhanger.
January 15, 2020
This had to be one of the most boring books I ever read. It was the same repetitive thing over and over. I hated Alex. He provoked Stefan until he beat him. In fact, he created more than half his own problems.
However, what made this one of the most boooring books I ever read was the constant dreaded inner monologue. I mean this man never shuts up talking to himself. On top of that he says the same thing over and over.
However, what made this one of the most boooring books I ever read was the constant dreaded inner monologue. I mean this man never shuts up talking to himself. On top of that he says the same thing over and over.
March 26, 2021
This book was heavy. Very well written, tho I would agree it could use an editor to help tighten it up, but then- all of us can use that can’t we? Alex is a 19 year old hustler. Rejected by his family, doing what he has to do to survive. His boyfriend pimps him out, he gets involved with a Russian mob which could maybe be an escape from the hell his life is. Or can it? Alex is torn and at the brink. It seems like everyone has turned on him, his boyfriend his best friend, acquaintances. This is a HEAVY book and probably wasn’t the best story for me to read in my current frame of mind. I could identify A LOT with Alex, although completely different circumstances, a lot of his feelings I’ve experienced, even as an adult. Does it have a happy ending You’ll have to read for yourself to find that out. Alexander Ward is a very good author, I enjoyed this a lot tho it took me much longer to get through just because it was so dark. Keep writing, my friend, keep writing!!! You’re good!
Some have torn apart the character Alex saying they hated him and he rambled. I would say to those, you have never experienced what true darkness is or you would understand the character. As low as you think you may have sunk, if you "hate" Alex, you have never been in the darkest pits of despair.
Some have torn apart the character Alex saying they hated him and he rambled. I would say to those, you have never experienced what true darkness is or you would understand the character. As low as you think you may have sunk, if you "hate" Alex, you have never been in the darkest pits of despair.
March 2, 2020
Very good, but long read.
I really enjoyed the story line. I downloaded this on accident and then just read it. I am sure I will check out the next book as well. My only concern was all of the details. Don't get me wrong, details are important but sometimes it just felt like they were a bit much. But, that's just my ADHD I assume.
I really enjoyed the story line. I downloaded this on accident and then just read it. I am sure I will check out the next book as well. My only concern was all of the details. Don't get me wrong, details are important but sometimes it just felt like they were a bit much. But, that's just my ADHD I assume.
August 21, 2018
Temporary Bliss: Dead Inside is a story of a loss soul, Alex, trapped in the midst of powerful mob bosses using him like a piece of property, until he realizes he is dead inside and how he plans on escaping his fate.
This is a tragic but beautiful look from within our MC’s point of view as he navigates through his life battling love, loss, friendship and hate, trying to determine who really loves him and who is using him. Alex wonders if he has ever found love before or was he mistaken?
The story has an abundance of action with crime bosses battling for turf dealing with drugs, guns, money and prostitutes and of course murders and betrayals. Each trying to pull Alex to their side.
It is a great read, lots of dark topics covered, such as prostitution, murder, beatings, suicide.
This is a tragic but beautiful look from within our MC’s point of view as he navigates through his life battling love, loss, friendship and hate, trying to determine who really loves him and who is using him. Alex wonders if he has ever found love before or was he mistaken?
The story has an abundance of action with crime bosses battling for turf dealing with drugs, guns, money and prostitutes and of course murders and betrayals. Each trying to pull Alex to their side.
It is a great read, lots of dark topics covered, such as prostitution, murder, beatings, suicide.
March 26, 2021
I don't even know how to begin to describe what I just read. Dark, riveting, complex, painful, realistic... It's not my habit to repeat the blurb, but in this case I think a short intro into his world is necessary. Alex is a nineteen old male prostitute, not by choice but because of the life circumstances. He's a lot smarter than he lets on, because is safer that way. At very young age he was left to fend on his own. He thought he found love and safe harbour in Stefan. He couldn't be more wrong, but most of the time he doesn't even recognize (or doesn't want to) the relationship for what it is, because he never knew any better. When Raymond shows up in his life he gets a glimpse of what life and love could be. But Raymond is a powerful yet broken man with many secrets and demons of his own. In his desperate search for stability and love Alex is thrown in a vicious never ending loop of depression, because everyone in his life has betrayed him in some way or another. He desperately latches on every act of kindness thrown his way, goes above and beyond to repay it, but the emotional payoff seems to be out of his reach. Thrown in the middle of crime lords war in Eastern Europe he's just a pawn pulled in different directions, used by everyone. He just tries to survive by any means necessary although most of the time he's not sure he even wants to. It's just that tiny glimmer of hope that keeps him going.
This book was an emotionally difficult read and even harder to put down. I usually prefer dual POW but in this case it was the right decision to write only Alexs' POW. It keeps the tension up at all times and makes the reader live in Alexs' head (not a comfortable place at all) and keeps most of the secrets unrevealed - you'll get only a glimpses of the puzzle that is Raymond. And there's so much yet to be revealed! I'm desperate to read the next book.
Normally I would shave a star because the author could use an editor or at least another set of eyes on final proof, but not in this case. There are some misused words and phrases in the book, but not enough to take you out of the story. Despite this reservations it's one of the most memorable reads I had in a really long time.
WARNING! Make sure you read the blurb and trigger warnings! I'll repeat just some of them, just in case : domestic violence, depression, self harming, human trafficking, on page child abuse, torture... This is not your run of the mill love story if you could call it that at all. It doesn't even end in HFN, but in a best case with a glimmer of hope.
This book was an emotionally difficult read and even harder to put down. I usually prefer dual POW but in this case it was the right decision to write only Alexs' POW. It keeps the tension up at all times and makes the reader live in Alexs' head (not a comfortable place at all) and keeps most of the secrets unrevealed - you'll get only a glimpses of the puzzle that is Raymond. And there's so much yet to be revealed! I'm desperate to read the next book.
Normally I would shave a star because the author could use an editor or at least another set of eyes on final proof, but not in this case. There are some misused words and phrases in the book, but not enough to take you out of the story. Despite this reservations it's one of the most memorable reads I had in a really long time.
WARNING! Make sure you read the blurb and trigger warnings! I'll repeat just some of them, just in case : domestic violence, depression, self harming, human trafficking, on page child abuse, torture... This is not your run of the mill love story if you could call it that at all. It doesn't even end in HFN, but in a best case with a glimmer of hope.
October 22, 2018
First and foremost, I want to warn everyone, (because not everyone actually listens when they read it) DO NOT TAKE THE WARNING LIGHTLY! IT IS THERE FOR A REASON! So many people will read a warning and ignore it thinking that they can handle it and then complain in the comments about it. If an author says, warning, listen to it. This book is stocked full of possible triggers.
Okay, now that that’s out of the way…
My reviews are solely based on my opinion and feelings. I’m not a storyline reviewer.
This book grabbed me from the first chapter and held tight until “the end”. It was completely packed full of action. My feelings towards some of the characters are conflicting. I wanted to hate them with a passion, but part of me couldn’t because I actually, kinda, sorta liked them. I know, I know. It’s confusing and I can’t explain why without freely handing out spoilers. And, I’m just not that type of reviewer. You’re just going to have to read it and find out what I’m talking about.
This book is strictly through Alex’s point of view. I don’t like single point of views. Mainly because I love getting inside the minds of both MC’s. But, in this case, I think it’s perfect. Alex tells us his story; every single tear induced, heart pounding, me wanting to turn into a murderer, moment.
I wanted to reach through my tablet, grab Alex and wrap him in the tightest hug I could. He’s being pulled in so many different directions. I’m in awe of his inner strength.
If you’re looking for a happily ever after, super sweet romance story, just move along, because this book is not it. It is dark and gritty from the first page to the last.
This does not have a “happily ever after” ending. I’m not even sure if it’s a “happy for now” ending. But, the ending looks like a turning point for our wonderful, sweet and strong Alex. It does end of a cliffhanger, and what a cliff it is. I’m hanging by my pinkie here.
This was one heck of an emotional roller coaster. I can’t wait for the next book to come out. Maybe we can get some POVs from Alex’s special man?
Link to my full review below.
https://carolscornerorg.wordpress.com...
Okay, now that that’s out of the way…
My reviews are solely based on my opinion and feelings. I’m not a storyline reviewer.
This book grabbed me from the first chapter and held tight until “the end”. It was completely packed full of action. My feelings towards some of the characters are conflicting. I wanted to hate them with a passion, but part of me couldn’t because I actually, kinda, sorta liked them. I know, I know. It’s confusing and I can’t explain why without freely handing out spoilers. And, I’m just not that type of reviewer. You’re just going to have to read it and find out what I’m talking about.
This book is strictly through Alex’s point of view. I don’t like single point of views. Mainly because I love getting inside the minds of both MC’s. But, in this case, I think it’s perfect. Alex tells us his story; every single tear induced, heart pounding, me wanting to turn into a murderer, moment.
I wanted to reach through my tablet, grab Alex and wrap him in the tightest hug I could. He’s being pulled in so many different directions. I’m in awe of his inner strength.
If you’re looking for a happily ever after, super sweet romance story, just move along, because this book is not it. It is dark and gritty from the first page to the last.
This does not have a “happily ever after” ending. I’m not even sure if it’s a “happy for now” ending. But, the ending looks like a turning point for our wonderful, sweet and strong Alex. It does end of a cliffhanger, and what a cliff it is. I’m hanging by my pinkie here.
This was one heck of an emotional roller coaster. I can’t wait for the next book to come out. Maybe we can get some POVs from Alex’s special man?
Link to my full review below.
https://carolscornerorg.wordpress.com...
October 23, 2018
4.5 star review by The Blogger Girls
Harsh, cold, cruel, heartless, helpless, and hopeless. These are just a few of the adjectives that describe this story. We can’t forget the violence and complete disregard for humanity either. But, in the midst of all that blackness lies a chance. A chance that by the end a small piece of Alex will survive and find a token of peace. A very small chance.
This story takes place in Bucharest, Romania, and includes clashing Romanian and Russian mafia’s that both end up using Alex in the most debased ways possible for their own selfish reasons. Alex is only 19. He has no real family, and his boyfriend, Stefan, beats him near to death, whores him out for money, and sells him to the highest bidder…only to beat him some more for “cheating” on him. Needless to say, there was not much love there…even if Alex and Stefan believes there is, at first.
Stefan is one of the bad guys. And when he sells Alex to Raymond for the night, the entire storyline goes down a rabbit hole with more twists and turns than one can imagine, but the underlying theme of fear, violence, rape, and betrayal remains front and center. I had high hopes for Raymond, but as the story went on, I was getting more and more nervous. And then I just expected Alex to die. Really, how much can one person stand? Ray has secrets but his treatment of Alex is contradictory and, at times, cold. I need to know those secrets. I need to know who Danya was, and I need to know why so many of Ray’s men are familiar to Alex. So much was left unspoken in this 300+ page story. But, it is a series, so I have hope, even if Alex does not.
This is not normally not my kind of story. I usually go for the betrayal and cheating, but this one took those components and exponentially skyrocketed them to the next level. I have no idea how Alex survived this book. I have no idea where the story goes from here either, as this one ended unfinished. I would not say a true cliffhanger, but we have a lot of unanswered questions. So my recommendation is, if you don’t have too many triggers, to read it. I definitely recommended it, I already have, and I hope you can see the brilliance that I saw in the writing, and the hope that Alex’s story eventually has a happy ending.
Overall Impression: I loved it
Harsh, cold, cruel, heartless, helpless, and hopeless. These are just a few of the adjectives that describe this story. We can’t forget the violence and complete disregard for humanity either. But, in the midst of all that blackness lies a chance. A chance that by the end a small piece of Alex will survive and find a token of peace. A very small chance.
This story takes place in Bucharest, Romania, and includes clashing Romanian and Russian mafia’s that both end up using Alex in the most debased ways possible for their own selfish reasons. Alex is only 19. He has no real family, and his boyfriend, Stefan, beats him near to death, whores him out for money, and sells him to the highest bidder…only to beat him some more for “cheating” on him. Needless to say, there was not much love there…even if Alex and Stefan believes there is, at first.
Stefan is one of the bad guys. And when he sells Alex to Raymond for the night, the entire storyline goes down a rabbit hole with more twists and turns than one can imagine, but the underlying theme of fear, violence, rape, and betrayal remains front and center. I had high hopes for Raymond, but as the story went on, I was getting more and more nervous. And then I just expected Alex to die. Really, how much can one person stand? Ray has secrets but his treatment of Alex is contradictory and, at times, cold. I need to know those secrets. I need to know who Danya was, and I need to know why so many of Ray’s men are familiar to Alex. So much was left unspoken in this 300+ page story. But, it is a series, so I have hope, even if Alex does not.
This is not normally not my kind of story. I usually go for the betrayal and cheating, but this one took those components and exponentially skyrocketed them to the next level. I have no idea how Alex survived this book. I have no idea where the story goes from here either, as this one ended unfinished. I would not say a true cliffhanger, but we have a lot of unanswered questions. So my recommendation is, if you don’t have too many triggers, to read it. I definitely recommended it, I already have, and I hope you can see the brilliance that I saw in the writing, and the hope that Alex’s story eventually has a happy ending.
Overall Impression: I loved it
October 2, 2018
omg omg omg omg omg... like im not entirely sure i have words for this review haha.. it is.. everything.. these characters were so horrible and amazing at the same time.. i didnt know whether to hate or love them lol. what do i even say.. alex had my heart from the start.. he was so young.. so loving and just needed and wanted someone.. unfortuantly stefan wasnt that person but thats who and what he knew even through the bad. raymond.. i will admit i also fell head over heels for him as well.. he wasnt good.. he wasnt the knight in shining armour.. he was the villian.. he was also a knight.. he was a bit of everything.. but he loved.. strong.. and stefan was just vile.. but you cant help but like him just a teeny tiny bit.. these characters are one of those things that stick with you.. this story sticks with you.. and its a cliffy.. which i didnt know going into it but i am kinda glad i didnt because normally i perfer to wait to read cliffys especially since this one isnt even a hea or hfn cliffy haha.. but it was so amazing i am glad i read this because.. holy hell. i cannot wait for the next!
October 26, 2018
Dark, intense but so good!
This is a dark story about a young man, Alex, who was forced to become a rent boy in Bucharest, Romania when he is kicked out of his house for being gay. At the Beginning, we learn about his struggles living with Stefan who is his pimp and at times he believes he loves for helping him off the streets when no one wanted him (even if he sends him off to sleep with others, and physically and mentally abuses him). As the book progresses there are many twists in turns as the mafia get involved, Alex is tossed around as they all want to use him for something. He battles depression, self harm and struggles when he meets Raymond. I fell in love with Raymond and craved their shared moments together. I felt for Alex and the vicious circle of the life he was caught living and with not a lot of alternative options.
This is so different from what I’ve read before but it just kept me turning the pages and cheering for Alex the whole time. I’m hoping for a second book as this left me wanting more.
This is a dark story about a young man, Alex, who was forced to become a rent boy in Bucharest, Romania when he is kicked out of his house for being gay. At the Beginning, we learn about his struggles living with Stefan who is his pimp and at times he believes he loves for helping him off the streets when no one wanted him (even if he sends him off to sleep with others, and physically and mentally abuses him). As the book progresses there are many twists in turns as the mafia get involved, Alex is tossed around as they all want to use him for something. He battles depression, self harm and struggles when he meets Raymond. I fell in love with Raymond and craved their shared moments together. I felt for Alex and the vicious circle of the life he was caught living and with not a lot of alternative options.
This is so different from what I’ve read before but it just kept me turning the pages and cheering for Alex the whole time. I’m hoping for a second book as this left me wanting more.
May 18, 2019
I was sitting here reading, coming a bit over half way, and suddenly I was in tears and filled with so much despair and heartache, just as Alex was feeling at that moment.
The true content of it didn't hit until then. The longer the book went on, every time Alex told himself how much of a whore he was and how he was nothing to everyone. It sent a punch to my chest.
What strikes a cord with me in this book, isn't the physical abuse, but the way he is treated and used. Even by those that sees what he needs but still ignores it for their own gain, which again leads to him not seeing when someone is kind without distrust. Or seeing it but not believing it.
After reading some of the comments I had a view of the book but I can't say he threw himself in others arms, he was desperate for affection after being starved for so long.
It was a heavy book to read because of all the inner dialogue but it packs a punch. And while I have some suspicions about the secrets, nothing is certain and I will wait how ever long it takes for the next part.
The true content of it didn't hit until then. The longer the book went on, every time Alex told himself how much of a whore he was and how he was nothing to everyone. It sent a punch to my chest.
What strikes a cord with me in this book, isn't the physical abuse, but the way he is treated and used. Even by those that sees what he needs but still ignores it for their own gain, which again leads to him not seeing when someone is kind without distrust. Or seeing it but not believing it.
After reading some of the comments I had a view of the book but I can't say he threw himself in others arms, he was desperate for affection after being starved for so long.
It was a heavy book to read because of all the inner dialogue but it packs a punch. And while I have some suspicions about the secrets, nothing is certain and I will wait how ever long it takes for the next part.
November 27, 2018
Mixed Emotions
I'm still confused as to what's going on in this book. I wasn't even sure which country it was set in for hours! I know it's already a long story but a couple of paragraphs to explain the setting and the footage in either side would have been useful. Also, the story read as if written by someone for whom English might not be their first language? There were a few sentence construction issues.
But I did want to wrap Alex in my arms and protect him from all the bad guys and I maybe even shed a couple of years for him. And desperately need to know what happens next so I'm truly invested.
I'm still confused as to what's going on in this book. I wasn't even sure which country it was set in for hours! I know it's already a long story but a couple of paragraphs to explain the setting and the footage in either side would have been useful. Also, the story read as if written by someone for whom English might not be their first language? There were a few sentence construction issues.
But I did want to wrap Alex in my arms and protect him from all the bad guys and I maybe even shed a couple of years for him. And desperately need to know what happens next so I'm truly invested.
January 14, 2021
Excellent read. This was just up my alley. A very dark romance with angst and a troublesome duo.
December 1, 2025
This is insane..how am I just finding out about this author??
This book is a 10/10, so much drama. I was so immersed in their world that I couldn’t put down the book
This book is a 10/10, so much drama. I was so immersed in their world that I couldn’t put down the book
January 23, 2021
Harsh, cold, cruel, heartless, helpless, and hopeless. These are just a few of the adjectives that describe this story. We can’t forget the violence and complete disregard for humanity either. But, in the midst of all that blackness lies a chance. A chance that by the end a small piece of Alex will survive and find a token of peace. A very small chance.
This story takes place in Bucharest, Romania, and includes clashing Romanian and Russian mafia’s that both end up using Alex in the most debased ways possible for their own selfish reasons. Alex is only 19. He has no real family, and his boyfriend, Stefan, beats him near to death, whores him out for money, and sells him to the highest bidder…only to beat him some more for “cheating” on him. Needless to say, there was not much love there…even if Alex and Stefan believes there is, at first.
Stefan is one of the bad guys. And when he sells Alex to Raymond for the night, the entire storyline goes down a rabbit hole with more twists and turns than one can imagine, but the underlying theme of fear, violence, rape, and betrayal remains front and center. I had high hopes for Raymond, but as the story went on, I was getting more and more nervous. And then I just expected Alex to die. Really, how much can one person stand? Ray has secrets but his treatment of Alex is contradictory and, at times, cold. I need to know those secrets. I need to know who Danya was, and I need to know why so many of Ray’s men are familiar to Alex. So much was left unspoken in this 300+ page story. But, it is a series, so I have hope, even if Alex does not.
This is not normally not my kind of story. I usually go for the betrayal and cheating, but this one took those components and exponentially skyrocketed them to the next level. I have no idea how Alex survived this book. I have no idea where the story goes from here either, as this one ended unfinished. I would not say a true cliffhanger, but we have a lot of unanswered questions. So my recommendation is, if you don’t have too many triggers, to read it. I definitely recommended it, I already have, and I hope you can see the brilliance that I saw in the writing, and the hope that Alex’s story eventually has a happy ending.
This story takes place in Bucharest, Romania, and includes clashing Romanian and Russian mafia’s that both end up using Alex in the most debased ways possible for their own selfish reasons. Alex is only 19. He has no real family, and his boyfriend, Stefan, beats him near to death, whores him out for money, and sells him to the highest bidder…only to beat him some more for “cheating” on him. Needless to say, there was not much love there…even if Alex and Stefan believes there is, at first.
Stefan is one of the bad guys. And when he sells Alex to Raymond for the night, the entire storyline goes down a rabbit hole with more twists and turns than one can imagine, but the underlying theme of fear, violence, rape, and betrayal remains front and center. I had high hopes for Raymond, but as the story went on, I was getting more and more nervous. And then I just expected Alex to die. Really, how much can one person stand? Ray has secrets but his treatment of Alex is contradictory and, at times, cold. I need to know those secrets. I need to know who Danya was, and I need to know why so many of Ray’s men are familiar to Alex. So much was left unspoken in this 300+ page story. But, it is a series, so I have hope, even if Alex does not.
This is not normally not my kind of story. I usually go for the betrayal and cheating, but this one took those components and exponentially skyrocketed them to the next level. I have no idea how Alex survived this book. I have no idea where the story goes from here either, as this one ended unfinished. I would not say a true cliffhanger, but we have a lot of unanswered questions. So my recommendation is, if you don’t have too many triggers, to read it. I definitely recommended it, I already have, and I hope you can see the brilliance that I saw in the writing, and the hope that Alex’s story eventually has a happy ending.
February 19, 2019
What I've been looking for
I've been looking for a book like this, of course with angst and a character damaged to the core. The storyline was very interesting and thorough BUT the only issue..very small issue..well kinda that I had was that the mc fell into people's arms(especially the love interests) way too easily, he'd give himself a speech and later back out as soon as arms were opened up to him. It's a little too damsal in distress for me but I did enjoy his angst while it was there
I've been looking for a book like this, of course with angst and a character damaged to the core. The storyline was very interesting and thorough BUT the only issue..very small issue..well kinda that I had was that the mc fell into people's arms(especially the love interests) way too easily, he'd give himself a speech and later back out as soon as arms were opened up to him. It's a little too damsal in distress for me but I did enjoy his angst while it was there
December 9, 2018
5 stars is far too little for the mix of emotions that this book made me live, if I had the possibility, I would have given it 10 stars.
So far, I think I have never found such a real and disturbing presentation of depression, it helped me understand better this phenomenon that seems to be growing more and more around the world.
This story has everything, as very few authors dare to write their books nowadays, especially those who are writing for the first time. It is a lecture that can't be recommended for everyone, if you are a sensitive mimosa, then it is best to avoid it, because you will "cry me a river" (I must admit that I also wept some tears while reading some tougher passages, but in the end I managed to keep myself together). Of course, fans of "hotties" will not be disappointed, for this book has a really GOOD one, intensely shrouded in mystery (Raymond f*cking Ward :x: x: x: x: x: x) that makes you want MOOORE! And I really want MOOORE of Raymond! 😻 😻 😻
I recommend this book wholeheartedly, it's a lecture worth of your time.
So far, I think I have never found such a real and disturbing presentation of depression, it helped me understand better this phenomenon that seems to be growing more and more around the world.
This story has everything, as very few authors dare to write their books nowadays, especially those who are writing for the first time. It is a lecture that can't be recommended for everyone, if you are a sensitive mimosa, then it is best to avoid it, because you will "cry me a river" (I must admit that I also wept some tears while reading some tougher passages, but in the end I managed to keep myself together). Of course, fans of "hotties" will not be disappointed, for this book has a really GOOD one, intensely shrouded in mystery (Raymond f*cking Ward :x: x: x: x: x: x) that makes you want MOOORE! And I really want MOOORE of Raymond! 😻 😻 😻
I recommend this book wholeheartedly, it's a lecture worth of your time.
February 3, 2019
This book is like a trip on a rollercoaster. So much pain, so much violence, so much hopelessness. And to think this is the real life for so many.... . I just wanted to wrap Alex in my arms and take him away to a safer place.
I hope there will be soon a second book, because I need to know where the story will end, even if there just can't be a HEA. Or would it be possible?
I hope there will be soon a second book, because I need to know where the story will end, even if there just can't be a HEA. Or would it be possible?
July 15, 2022
I admire his strength to keep going but we were just
grasping at straws the entire time, longing for an ending that never came. Very well written! Love the line and emotional inner monologues. Their relationship is so confusing and I guess we'll just have to find out in the next book!
grasping at straws the entire time, longing for an ending that never came. Very well written! Love the line and emotional inner monologues. Their relationship is so confusing and I guess we'll just have to find out in the next book!
October 31, 2019
the book was good but the ending was disapointing
July 2, 2023
dunyanin en toxic iliskisi aq. eglendim.
August 26, 2023
“I’m a crumpled-up piece of paper lyin’ here” because this absolutely wrecked me✌🏻
August 25, 2023
I love a good angst hurt/comfort story. I’m one of those people who will browse through Goodreads recommendations and lists for hours, and while browsing, I stumbled upon Dead Inside by Alexander Ward, a mafia MM romance. I’m not typically too interested in that type of crime story, but I was intrigued.
Dead Inside is told by Alex, a 19-year old male prostitute in Romania who has seen and lived through things that no one should ever have to. In an abusive relationship with his boyfriend (well, pimp), Stefan, he is forced to meet a new client, Raymond, who is very important and well-known throughout the city and surrounding countries. From there, with Alex’s sanity on the brink of collapse, he is sucked further into an intricate web of crime, conspiracies, secrets, and abuse.
Overall, I did love this book. However, I had 2 large-ish struggles while reading:
1. There were a lot of incorrectly used words, phrases, and grammar issues. However, upon checking out the author’s Goodreads page, it says that he was born in Romania, so I’m assuming that English isn’t his first language. It wasn’t enough to interrupt the story while reading, but it was a bit distracting at times. There are also a lot of descrepencies between verb tenses.
2. It was difficult to follow lesser-known characters and gangs. It felt like some of the lesser-known characters’ names would pop up in conversation and throughout scenes without an explanation of who they were and why they were important. This was pretty distracting because I would have to try to piece it together through the following dialogue.
There were so many fantastic things about this book, though. One of the best skills the author utilized, in my opinion, was his ability to create and portray realistic characters, especially realistic characters who are going through hell and struggling with their mental health. The relationships in this book were so raw and real, and the characters’ reactions to things given the circumstances were remarkably well-done.
Another thing I loved was how the author was able to adequately portray Alex’s breakdowns and unstable thought processes, even from that first-person point of view. With the use of (or lack thereof) punctuation, for example, you could almost feel the downward spiral seeping out of the page.
Simply put, I am now so interested and invested in Alex’s and Raymond’s (chaotic) relationship, that I can’t wait to read the second book. Dead Inside is the first book of the Temporary Bliss series.
***Please head the trigger warnings! This isn’t a delicate book, and if you’re looking for a “happily ever after”, you may want to skip this one.***
Trigger Warnings: Prostitution, abuse (physical, sexual, emotional), self-injury, suicidal ideation and attempts, human trafficking, general violence
For more, follow my blog: 2:00 AM Limbo
Dead Inside is told by Alex, a 19-year old male prostitute in Romania who has seen and lived through things that no one should ever have to. In an abusive relationship with his boyfriend (well, pimp), Stefan, he is forced to meet a new client, Raymond, who is very important and well-known throughout the city and surrounding countries. From there, with Alex’s sanity on the brink of collapse, he is sucked further into an intricate web of crime, conspiracies, secrets, and abuse.
Overall, I did love this book. However, I had 2 large-ish struggles while reading:
1. There were a lot of incorrectly used words, phrases, and grammar issues. However, upon checking out the author’s Goodreads page, it says that he was born in Romania, so I’m assuming that English isn’t his first language. It wasn’t enough to interrupt the story while reading, but it was a bit distracting at times. There are also a lot of descrepencies between verb tenses.
2. It was difficult to follow lesser-known characters and gangs. It felt like some of the lesser-known characters’ names would pop up in conversation and throughout scenes without an explanation of who they were and why they were important. This was pretty distracting because I would have to try to piece it together through the following dialogue.
There were so many fantastic things about this book, though. One of the best skills the author utilized, in my opinion, was his ability to create and portray realistic characters, especially realistic characters who are going through hell and struggling with their mental health. The relationships in this book were so raw and real, and the characters’ reactions to things given the circumstances were remarkably well-done.
Another thing I loved was how the author was able to adequately portray Alex’s breakdowns and unstable thought processes, even from that first-person point of view. With the use of (or lack thereof) punctuation, for example, you could almost feel the downward spiral seeping out of the page.
Simply put, I am now so interested and invested in Alex’s and Raymond’s (chaotic) relationship, that I can’t wait to read the second book. Dead Inside is the first book of the Temporary Bliss series.
***Please head the trigger warnings! This isn’t a delicate book, and if you’re looking for a “happily ever after”, you may want to skip this one.***
Trigger Warnings: Prostitution, abuse (physical, sexual, emotional), self-injury, suicidal ideation and attempts, human trafficking, general violence
For more, follow my blog: 2:00 AM Limbo
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