The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive

by Kristin Neff, Christopher Germer

Are you kinder to others than you are to yourself? More than a thousand research studies show the benefits of being a supportive friend to yourself, especially in times of need. This science-based workbook offers a step-by-step approach to breaking free of harsh self-judgments and impossible standards in order to cultivate emotional well-being. In a convenient large-size format, the book is based on the authors' groundbreaking eight-week Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) program, which has helped tens of thousands of people worldwide. It is packed with guided meditations (with audio downloads); informal practices to do anytime, anywhere; exercises; and vivid stories of people using the techniques to address relationship stress, weight and body image issues, health concerns, anxiety, and other common problems. The seeds of self-compassion already lie within you--learn how you can uncover this powerful inner resource and transform your life. See also Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion Program, by Christopher Germer and Kristin Neff, a thorough overview of conducting MSC (for professionals), and The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion, by Christopher Germer, which delves into mindful self-compassion and shares moving stories of how it can change lives.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Spirituality, Personal Development

206 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 29, 2018

About the author

Kristin Neff is Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, conducting the first empirical studies on self-compassion almost twenty years ago. In addition to writing numerous academic articles and book chapters on the topic, she is author of the books Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive and Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. In conjunction with her colleague Dr. Chris Germer, she has developed an empirically supported training program called Mindful Self-Compassion, which is taught by thousands of teachers worldwide. They co-authored the Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook and Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion Program: A Guide for Professionals. Her newest work focuses on how to balance self-acceptance with the courage to make needed change.

Reviews

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I heard Kristen Neff give a keynote at a conference in 2016, and have been a fan since then (her website, https://self-compassion.org, is a great resource if you want to explore the concept of self-compassion before purchasing), dabbling in incorporating self-compassion with my other clinical work. It's a pretty seamless blend with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, mindfulness, and interpersonal approaches I often use with patients. This book is a really excellent combination of psychoeducation and practice. It's accessible enough that some people could use this without the aid of a therapist, and it's challenging enough (in a good way!) to deepen therapy work that is already creating positive change. Neff & Germer explain things kindly without being patronizing, and are encouraging without being saccharine. The self-reflection exercises are thoughtful, and the mindfulness exercises are introduced in a nicely sequential manner. I've been using it pretty much constantly since buying it, and would recommend it widely.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve known people who have attended Drs. Neff and Germer’s 8-week MSC (Mindful Self-Compassion) program and raved about it. And I have heard recently that I would never talk to or about a friend the way  I talk to or about myself, so the opportunity provided by Guilford Press and NetGalley to read "The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook" in exchange for my honest review seemed  timely, to say the least.

The book is written for the layperson, and includes stories of people who have used Neff and Germer’s techniques to deal with issues of weight and body image, anxiety, interpersonal relationships—you name it, it just may be included. Their approach suggests that we all have the “seeds” of self-compassion within us, and their work is designed to help people learn to bring out our self-compassion and build inner strength via mindfulness.

I particularly like the step-by-step layout, and the use of specific exercises over a multi-week timeframe to develop the ability to minimize self-judgment and expand the ability to be kinder to oneself. There are also guided meditations, including audio downloads available to help with the practice of mindfulness.  

Neff and Germer are well-known for their work in this area, and this book avoids the overly academic language that makes some readers feel even more inadequate (“I’ll never get this, I can’t even understand the language, let alone put it into practice”). It’s both a fine introduction into the practice of mindfulness as well as an outstanding workbook to help those interested in the benefits of mindfulness to progress further over time. Five stars.

Publication date: August 15, 2018

[John Hannam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yes - I've marked this book as read - but I am far from done with it. It took me a year to complete the workbook and I'm thankful for the time, energy, and effort I put into it.

Topics of shame and guilt are hard to wrestle with. This book was my guide on a journey to Loving-Kindness and Self-Compassion. I will continue to return to it in the coming years as I grow and work towards Mindfulness.

I recommend this book to anyone struggling with the question of belonging or self-love.

Each one of us is deserving of Love, Compassion, and Grace.

[Jenneffer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me start a daily discipline of mindfulness and meditation. I discovered so many emotions I had never dealt with, and thought I had. Many exercises helped me practice being loving and compassionate with myself. I will return to it again as needed. Highly recommended.

[Samira · Rating 4 out of 5]

این کتاب رو chat gpt بهم معرفی کرد و فکر نمیکردم اینقد خوب و کاربردی باشه.👌🏻

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I happened to watch Kristin Neff’s popular TED talk on self-compassion and was intrigued with the concept. I went to her website to get more information and saw that this workbook had just been released.

Self-compassion stems from the idea that often we treat others with more compassion than we treat ourselves. For example, after a friend’s break-up with her boyfriend, we would console her and tell her how wonderful a person she is and how crazy her boyfriend is for giving her up. However, when this same scenario happens to us, we often berate ourselves with criticism and judgments and go over what we did wrong and how rejected we feel.

In 24 chapters, the authors teach a new concept such as mindfulness, loving-kindness, shame, anger, forgiveness, or resistance and then guide you through exercises to practice building those things into your life.

The book includes guided meditations, links to recordings, positive affirmations, and many questions to answer. Some of it involves recalling a specific event or situation or relationship and remembering how we felt and responded in that moment and how we can learn and grow from it or how we would have liked to respond.

Some of the content is in-depth and very heavy while other things are lighter and suggestions are given to skip an exercise if it is too difficult.

I went into the reading of this book thinking it would be a lot of psycho-babble and hooey, and while parts of it was not for me, there were a few chapters that were worth the price of the book. One chapter in particular helped me with a major break-through in my life - the exercise was very transforming and resonated with me more than the others.

This workbook is something I plan to keep and refer to, as so much of it involves practicing these concepts over and over in your daily life. I think this workbook is for anybody at any stage of life.

Overall, it helps you to be kinder and gentler to your own self as well as teaching you how to calm yourself down when experiencing difficult emotions, a very hard thing to do.

[Blair Hill · Rating 2 out of 5]

Unfortunately, this book wasn't all that helpful for me. The research portions seem sound enough, but it's clear that many of the practices are meant to be instructor-guided. The practices also lean very heavily on meditation, which is something that I've always struggled with.

Additionally, and sort of fascinatingly, this book seems geared more toward people who do not already struggle with mental illnesses. In fact, there were a few practices in this workbook that appeared to me to be actively harmful to people with certain mental illnesses (specifically The Ice Cube Exercise in Chapter 7 (those with self-harm tendencies) and the Embracing Our Bodies with Self-Compassion Exercise in Chapter 12 (those who have struggled/are struggling with eating disorders/disordered eating)).

The most helpful sections for me personally were the shared stories/experiences of people who have been through the program and how they applied what they learned. Learning about the successes of others was heartening, even if I couldn't guide myself to similar outcomes with this workbook alone.

[Sippy · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 punten. Zeker een punt aftrek voor de beroerde vertaling. Het is verder een goed boek, met nuttige oefeningen en inzichten en overzichtelijk ingedeeld. Maar de Nederlandstalige versie leest onnodig stroef door de vertaling die vrijwel doorlopend te dicht bij het Engels blijft en daardoor onnatuurlijk en onnodig formalistisch aandoet. Er is -zo blijkt weer- goede reden om dit soort boeken gewoon in het Engels te lezen, wat ik meestal ook doe.

Naast deze kort door de bocht recensie kan je ook een uitvoerige boekbespreking vinden op
https://zinvollerleven.nl/mindful-zel...

[Luciana Nunes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitivamente o melhor livro que li este ano, potencialmente um dos melhores da minha vida.
Este livro funcionou para mim como uma auto reflexão em diversas áreas do meu ser, contendo vários exercícios de meditação formal e informal, além de provocações de evolução importantes - muitas vezes auto avaliadas e levadas para terapia. Alguns gatilhos levantados, consequentemente, mas que me ajudaram a entender melhor e praticar a autocompaixão. Tenho nem palavras para a eterna gratidão de ter lido este livro neste momento, e ter como referência para meu futuro.

[Angela R. Hennen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Informational - educational

A great workbook but I found the end of chapter exercises to be redundant and felt all that could be saved for the end of the book. I skipped over and skimmed it. I will however dig deeper into meditation practices.

[Justyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself years ago, so The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook was a great refresher in terms of Neff's concepts as well as a practical resource for yourself or working with clients. It seems most people have inner critics, constantly berating themselves since childhood. Neff distinguishes self-compassion from self-esteem in that the latter involves contingency and social comparison whereas self-compassion is giving yourself that unconditional love we all yearn for, but often don't receive. The three elements are: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Neff walks the reader through these concepts, but also offers both formal and informal exercises and meditations in each chapter. While I liked how the structure and concepts built off one another, the instructions and ideas seemed a bit repetitive. However I can see if one learns the basic concepts you could apply this to many situations and domains in one's life. As with any change, there's an initial discomfort (backdraft) that we must lean towards with compassion if we want to develop this new relationship with ourselves. Overall, Neff's work offers important reflections for how we treat ourselves and others, and this book is a great resource to learn self-compassion.

[Kay Oliver · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was given to me as homework from my therapist. I think the concept of self-compassion and mindfulness are things everyone should learn and incorporate in their lives. Especially those with depression and anxiety. I really liked the ice cube exercise as it helped me focus during meditation and really focus on mindfulness. I think the book could have been more engaging, entertaining, and relatable. Some of the exercises seemed redundant or unhelpful for me personally.

[C.E. G · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think literally 100% of people I know struggle with self-compassion to some degree, and I've been recommending this book to a lot of friends in the past month. I'm no n00b to mindfulness, but this felt fresh as Kristin Neff does a great job of anticipating many of the various forms of resistance we have to being kind to ourselves, and gives strategies for how to work with them.

[Ellen Bard · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book while also doing the course on Mindful Self-Compassion. It's clearly written, with plenty of useful exercises. I think doing the course would benefit most people, so if you're looking for a way to be kinder to yourself, this is a really good place to start.

[Melissa Chaffos · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life-changing

This book truly helped me learn to love myself. The workbook is a great way to embrace who we are and how to help yourself. This book changed my life and the practices it shows can be done daily. It's a book that keeps one giving.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

I took a good three months to read this book... Taking my time and really taking in the lessons. There's a lot of good stuff in here, and if you read it, I suggest you take the time it takes to really mull over each chapter.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

For me, it would be tough to connect with the exercises without having the guidance of a counsellor (a number of the exercises have been given to me by counsellors over the years). They can feel quite cheesy and difficult to buy into without the additional context and push.

[Hobey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good exercises for being self compassionate in here. A lot of it seemed very surface level, would have liked if it went a little deeper into the subject of self-compassion. I definitely still have a ways to go.

[Kim Langley · Rating 5 out of 5]

very helpful. clear. actionable. will probably read again.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

So helpful. I'm going to start it over again.

[Paula · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought this book was ok. I've read Neff's other books on self-compassion and have watched some of her talks. I feel like something isn't right about what she's talking about, however, I'm not sure what it is at this point.

In chapter 3 The Benefits of Self-Compassion, she has an exercise on page 27, which is a sample Self-Compassion Scale. I was briefly looking into critiques of Neff's theory and there is some questioning of the validity of this scale. Some of the questions I found questionable as a useful metric for self-compassion. For example one statement says, "When I feel inadequate in some way, I try to remind myself that feelings of inadequacy are shared by most people." My issue with this is that I am seeking validation by comparing myself to what others go through. I'm not sure that's really a good metric for self-compassion. If I feel inadequate, I tell myself that it's ok or I'll ask myself why I feel inadequate and maybe find out what is driving that feeling. Maybe I can do something about it. Maybe I can't. If that's the case, I accept my painful feelings and feel them. I don't tell myself others feel the same way I do. Maybe I'll do a quick google search after the fact to see how common it is as a problem. It's not the first thing I would do to comfort myself. If I bought into the validity of this self-compassion scale, I would have given myself a 1 (almost never) for this statement and believe that I have low self-compassion when in reality I have high self-compassion. I just don't compare myself to others and frankly I don't think that's a necessary component in self-compassion. That's why the other statement, "I try to see my failings as part of the human condition" doesn't make much sense to me either as a metric for self-compassion. The concept of failing is just a judgement. It is not necessarily a fact. Who is to say I failed or not? That's a judgement I am making. I can always see a "failure" as a learning experience. Based on readings I've done on this, the best way to view "failure" is as a learning experience because then you take your ego out of it and focus on your process or maybe realizing that what you were pursuing wasn't right for you. Another way to look at it is when we first learn to walk. If I were a parent seeing my child fall several times, I wouldn't see that as a failure. I would see that as part of the process in learning how to walk. Babies don't have the thinking mind to contend with so they are not judging themselves when they fall. They just keep trying until it happens. They don't see others falling (unless they are twins or around other babies in a daycare) so her premise that we need common humanity is irrelevant. So my point in discussing this is to show how flawed the Self-Compassion Scale is.

In chapter 8 Backdraft, she uses the fire term backdraft as a metaphor on what happens when we open the door to self-compassion. I think I know what she's trying to get at but I just can't connect with this term. The metaphor of shaking a globe ball seems to be a better descriptor. Things get messy but eventually it settles and you can see the beauty of the globe ball. I liked how she acknowledges this although the term isn't intuitive for me. It seems like people think self-improvement is easy but the truth is that it can be difficult to face certain things in ourselves.

I liked in chapter 14 Living Deeply, how she contrasted goals and core values, however, I don't get what her intention was in this section. On page 100 she writes:
• Goals can be achieved. Core values still guide us even after we achieve our goals.
• Goals are destinations. Core values are directions.
• Goals are something we do. Core values are something we are.
• Goals are set. Core values are discovered.
• Goals often come from outside. Core values come from deep within.

She argues that not living in alignment with our core values inevitably leads to suffering. I agree with that but I'm not sure what her motivation was in showcasing the difference between goals and core values. I would argue in her last comparison that goals often come from outside to be a bit misleading. I've created my own goals for myself and they come from deep within. They are deeply satisfying when they are my goals, not dictated by an external force. I get this feeling she is trying to show that goals are less important than core values. I don't think so. Yes they are different but having goals isn't necessarily a bad thing. They can help give our life purpose. To me goals and core values are part of a team and I don't like that she's taking a jab at goals, making them seem inferior to core values.

I liked chapter 20 which deals with self-compassion and anger in relationships. She writes on page 145 that we "need to be safe, connected, validated, heard, included, autonomous, and respected. And our deepest need as human beings is the need to be loved." I think this should have been stated as the main premise of the book. To me self-compassion is what arises when we practice self-awareness and feel safe. To me it doesn't make sense to pursue self-compassion. That arises when we take time for ourselves and listen to what we are feeling and experiencing. We have so much stuff going on internally. If we actually listen to our bodies, we'd learn a lot. At the bottom of page 145 she says, "by having the courage to turn toward and experience our authentic feelings and needs, we can begin to have insight into what is really going on for us. Once we contact the pain and respond with self-compassion, things can start to transform on a deep level."

I liked in chapter 23 on page 167 how she talks about self-appreciation but I also found it questionable. She lists it under self-kindness. She states that "part of being kind to ourselves involves expressing appreciation for our good qualities, just as we would do with a good friend." In a box, the following is written, "Being human includes good as well as bad qualities, so self-appreciation is realistic, not selfish." I'm glad she at least addresses we have "bad qualities" because I don't think it makes sense to appreciate our good qualities and ignore our "bad" qualities. Also from a philosophical perspective, why do we have to label our so-called good qualities as good? Why are we not approaching our qualities in a neutral fashion? I consider myself analytical but that can be a good thing sometimes but also it can be a bad thing sometimes, depending on the situation. I guess from this perspective, I don't see the point of appreciating myself. I've done a lot of reading on self-improvement and other spiritual philosophies and to me it makes sense to be a self-observer and to not make judgements on ourselves. I don't need to label things as good or bad. I can just accept that they exist. Also what we label, "bad" can be something we either just accept or it can be something we seek to improve so then it's no longer "bad."

While writing this review, I think what bothers me about what she is teaching is that self-compassion is something that we cultivate whereas I think it's already there and that there are other skills we need to cultivate to allow self-compassion to arise. Self-compassion is a by-product of living an examined life, of taking the time to listen to our bodies, and feeling our feelings and emotions. I do think that self-compassion can be both actively cultivated or passively cultivated by nurturing other aspects of the self (listening to our bodies, feeling our emotions and accepting the painful ones). I just think her method isn't going to be as effective as what I am suggesting, practicing self-awareness and emotional awareness.

Neff's self-compassion theory is flawed and I strongly think her requiring you to compare yourself to others (common humanity) is irrelevant. I don't think this is necessary. I'm not saying you can't do it (relate to other people's experiences) but I don't think realizing that others "fail" or have negative feelings about themselves is a way to cultivate self-compassion. I think it's irrelevant and unnecessary.

Overall, I find her theory requires more work. It's a flimsy theory when you think about it.

[Elena · Rating 4 out of 5]

непонятно, как оценивать селф-хелп.

интересно, как бы читалась книга на языке оригинала – есть ощущение, что некоторые вещи по-русски звучат настолько тупо, что удерживают от их проговаривания. впрочем, возможно это говорит моё сопротивление и нежелание относиться к себе с сочувствием.

[Luis Hernandes · Rating 5 out of 5]

O livro tem linguagem acessível ao público leigo e traz uma série de exercícios para nos ajudar a desenvolver a auto compaixão. Eu o achei muito interessante e útil.

[Madison Riley · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you've grown up with a critical voice in your head and naturally tend to be harsh with yourself, READ THIS. I feel so free from the toxic relationship I used to have with my own inner voice. This is such an important book

[Chad Hansen-Saunders · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me by a dear friend. I am so grateful for the recommendation and the book. It is full of invaluable insights and wisdom. The practice is transformative. It came to me during a very difficult time period and helped me immensely. I highly recommend to everyone.

[Lenny Husen · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 This is a fantastic workbook for those of us without self-esteem, with self-loathing, who lack self-compassion. Mind-blowing. It isn't super well-written, but very accessible and simple.
I read through the book without doing many of the exercises other than mentally thinking about what was discussed. I felt like about 50% applied directly to me, and the rest was interesting and helps me understand what others go through.
I plan to go back and read what I highlighted and do some journaling/writing based on the exercises that I marked.
What was most meaningful to me:
You can lack self-esteem and still have self-compassion.
Having self-compassion helps me to function better at work and be more present and empathetic to my patients.
Having self-compassion isn't a cop out--it helps me to achieve much more because beating myself up holds me back and prevents me from being the best I am capable of being.
Self-compassion and self-kindness are needed by everyone, high achievers or low achievers--without it nothing we do is ever good enough.
This is a very good way to diffuse a stressful situation--just take a moment to acknowledge how hard it is when (fill in blank with not nice thing--someone is blaming you for something you didn't do, when people are assholes, when you are having a bad day, when you do or say something you wish you hadn't, when people hurt you, when you have a memory of something said, when something triggers you). If you accept how difficult it is and say, "wow, this is really tough" suddenly you find dealing with it is more straightforward.
Self-Compassion is like magic.
I realized I have been bullying myself for many years because I was bullied and criticized daily for much of my childhood, and somehow I thought it was better to do it to myself before someone else did it to me.

[T.L. Cooper · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer is an interesting and inspiring workbook that reiterates that self-compassion is a way of life not a goal to be met. Neff and Germer gently remind the reader that to be self-compassionate is to constantly notice where one needs self-compassion many times in the book. The exercises in this workbook pushed me to think about events in my life and accept my feelings about those events with compassion instead of judgment but also to approach my judgment with compassion. As I worked through the exercises, old issues I'd thought long resolved resurfaced and reminded me that suppressing isn't the same as dealing with things. Facing these with self-compassion rather than judgment was a helpful exercise. That said, I also found it hard to relate to some of the exercises and felt like I just worked through them without much depth because they felt settled for me. While The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook is in some ways a self-help book, in other ways it feels more like an anti-self-help book.

[Carly Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most useful and healing books I’ve ever read. Working through it on my own and in therapy has slowly changed lifelong ingrained patterns and habits I didn’t think it was possible to change. It was slow and subtle and imperfect, and I have compassion for that too. The things I’ve learned from this will hopefully stay with me for the rest of my life. Several friends recommended this book to me as the best mental health book they’ve ever read and it’s definitely in my top one or two.

[Eduarda Maciel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eu gostei muito do livro e achei realmente útil! Fez diferença na minha vida.

Possui vários exercícios que podem ajudar a exercitar a autocompaixão. Entretanto, também possui muitos exemplos de casos e, particularmente, é algo que acho bem chato em livros de autoajuda. Também pode ser bem repetitivo, e por isso as 4 estrelas.

[Vanmeera · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wundervolles Buch, das sehr praktisch und lebensnah dabei unterstützt, selbstfürsorglicher mit sich umzugehen. Das Konzept mit einem Kapitel pro Woche hat aber gar nicht für mich funktioniert: erst lag es Monate neben dem Bett und nun habe ich den Großteil in mehreren Tagen im Urlaub gelesen - mit mehr Zeit und Energie hat es für mich besser funktioniert