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136 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1987


Either the women are unattainable, or the narrator finds himself embroiled in excruciating conflicts with them. There’s a profound alienation – but then, Hilbig’s narrators are alienated from everyone. Only with the women, though, is this alienation so tormenting, because they are in some ways the fullest human beings in Hilbig’s work, the ones who seem to hold the secret of feeling and decency and vitality. The narrator feels this keenly, but for all his yearning is unable to form a human connection with them, to understand them, avoid disappointing and betraying them; he is not equal to them. He is like an alien confronted with human beings.
I was told that questions of sex and marriage are the main subjects dealt with in the reading and discussion evenings of women comrades. They are the chief subject of interest, of political instruction and education. I could scarcely believe my ears when I heard it. The first country of proletarian dictatorship surrounded by the counter-revolutionaries of the whole world, the situation in Germany itself requires the greatest possible concentration of all proletarian, revolutionary forces to defeat the ever-growing and ever-increasing counter-revolution. But working women comrades discuss sexual problems and the question of forms of marriage in the past, present and future.
[...]
This masked respect for bourgeois morality seems to me just as repulsive as poking about in sexual matters. ... It is, mainly, a hobby of the intellectuals and of the sections nearest them. There is no place for it in the Party, in the class-conscious, fighting proletariat.
«Sì, la mia era una malattia della parola…»
«Fuori il mio corpo correva nella notte, del tutto insensibile, mentre dietro di me la parola era immersa nel miasma stantio, diffuso e tuttavia tenace di un'angoscia vecchia e impenetrabile, i vocaboli si dibattevano imprigionati in reti nebulose, e più i guizzi di terrore laceravano fili e maglie, più quelle si tendevano fitte e sottili. Che cosa ci facevano le mie parole in mezzo a quel groviglio, mi domandavo: forse cercavano di accoppiarsi e non ci riuscivano; va' via, su vieni, resta qui…erano parole guastate dalla diffidenza verso il luogo in cui venivano pronunciate.»
whenever i'd felt within me the unforeseen power to examine myself, even to know myself, and consequently, perhaps, expunge the germs of my sickness, i found that the state snatched every tool from my hands, or hid all those tools from me, obscuring the means of ascertaining any kind of probability. the inevitable result was a serious disease, a pervasive disease of my ability to really and truly perceive the world, and a disease of my ability to truly make myself known to another person as a figure in reality. for me, reality had been stolen and annihilated, so by necessity i had to exist as a form of annihilated reality, as a mere delusion of reality, and by that same token had to annihilate the reality of the people around me.