Bottleneck

by Paul Fuhr

BOTTLENECK traces the messy, alcoholic life of writer Paul Fuhr from his days as an insecure James Bond-loving teenager all the way to his bleary-eyed parenthood, when nearly every one of his kids’ diaper changes came against the headwind of a hangover. From stealing his very first drink (two terrible bottles of Zima) to breaking out of a detox center many decades later, BOTTLENECK charts the aimless trajectory of an alcoholic who refuses to acknowledge that he’s an alcoholic. Fuhr’s memoir is much more than a chronicle of the quiet corrosion of BOTTLENECK is a darkly funny, occasionally artful account of deserts, death, disillusionment, DUIs, narrow escapes, unpaid bar tabs, unhappy reunions, unexpected friendships, epic lies, awkwardly admitted truths, rehab routines, horrible AA-meeting coffee, and staring down life without happy hour. It’s a book that reveals as much about relationships as it does addiction, showing what happens to families, friends, strangers and casual acquaintances when the sagging weight of alcoholism finally breaks loose, sweeping everyone and everything away.

"One of the best recovery memoirs of all time." - Anna David, New York Times bestselling author of PARTY GIRL

"Deserves to be a classic." - Raymond Benson, New York Times bestselling author of 007, THE BLACK STILETTO books and IN THE HUSH OF THE NIGHT

"Eye-opening and courageous." - Nancy Carr, author of LAST CALL

"Hilarious, heart-wrenching and unflinchingly honest." - Chuck Salmons, author of PATCH JOB and STARGAZER SUITE

"Reading this book was like experiencing a car crash in slow motion." - Chris Aguirre, "Since Right Now" podcast

421 pages, Paperback

Published July 31, 2018

About the author

Paul Fuhr is a writer whose work has appeared in The Literary Review, The Live Oak Review, The Fix, AfterParty, and InRecovery Magazine, among others. He’s also the creator and co-host of “Drop the Needle,” a podcast about music and recovery. Fuhr lives in Columbus, Ohio with his cat, Miss Moneypenny.

Reviews

[Cid Herman · Rating 5 out of 5]

BOTTLENECK is Paul Fuhr's story about his long term relationship with alcohol. He is a humorous, extremely talented, educated, smart writer who lays himself bare and stripped of ego in this wrenching account of his journey to sobriety. It is almost uncomfortable to read, making me squirm at his complete disregard for his loving wife, small children, employers and many many friends. This isn't an easy book to read. Most of us avoid hard self examination at this kind of introspective level. Everybody wants to feel good about themselves. Paul spares himself and his readers absolutely nothing, describing in great detail, his 20+ years of shockingly horrible behavior.

Paul used alcohol to keep the truth, anxiety, and everything of value in his life, at bay. Alcohol became the problem, if it ever was the solution. He is an absolute raging alcoholic, albeit a functioning one --though barely, by the time he seeks treatment. He is also a gifted wordsmith and a consummate liar, instantly liked by almost everyone he meets. He is also the king of not showing up, slacking at his jobs and ultimately disappointing everyone that ever cared about him. His sense of entitlement, while drinking is alarming, justifying the awful things he does and his lack of guilt or remorse. This is a man who made his next drink his only priority

You will probably like him, but if you never met this good-time boy, you dodged a bullet. The disregard for his amazing wife is apalling. His lies are harmful and inexcusible. I both liked him for his exuberance, and hated him for his readily admitted selfishness. But my loathing is nothing compared to the hate he feels for himself and the crushing panic that envelopes him in any sober (rare) moment. My ability to like him, while still feeling like he may be an awful person, mirrors his own uncertainty. He is undecided if he is a good person who does bad things, or a bad person who does good things. The answer to that question may very well be different for each reader.

I don't know if this story can help anybody else, but for anyone young in their alcoholic life, it should scare the living daylights out of them. The years this talented, popular man wasted and the people he hurt, in his wide destructive swath, should alarm anyone.

If you like memoir 's and personal interest stories, I think you will enjoy this raw account of out-of-control self destruction. How you feel about it may very well depend on the ways alcohol has impacted your personal life, or those close to you.

My single complaint about BOTTLENECK would be a couple places where I grew weary of the drunken antics; they seemed a bit long and repetitive, though I have no doubt they are indicative of the way things really were.

[Nancy Breen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Still thinking through this book. One of my top reads of last year. Wow. This book is a tough read if you love anyone who has suffered through addiction. A fiercely reflective look at the process of reaching a sober life. Still thinking on the lessons this book yields and thankful for the hope it shares.

[Mark Goodson · Rating 5 out of 5]

For fans of contemporaries Augusten Burroughs, Amy Dresner, or even Jack Kerouac, *Bottleneck* is a detailed and distilled stream-of-conscious memoir that takes readers through the alcoholic experience. The blunt-force prose is a knock-down and drag-out experience, similar to Fuhr’s life as an active drinker.
I related to Fuhr’s story in many ways. I too suffer from stubborness, entitlement, humbuggery, hyper-judgement, extreme selfishness, delusions of grandeur, and a paralyzing fear of the truth. His story is mine. In particular, Fuhr’s alcoholic mind turns warning-signs into notches on the belt of his pride. In a deeper, more intimate—approaching awkward—way, I also relate to his descent into suicidal ideation. But what makes this memoir unlike any other, is Fuhr’s ability to normalize outrageously deviant behavior, by which I mean, his skill in sculpting the mentality of the addict in full-blown denial.
It is a spiraling staircase without end. Fuhr pauses on each step in the descent.
What breaks the drudgery of the alcoholic existence, are gems such as, “I wasn’t ever a bad person. I was just bad at being a person,” or “I’m still learning to trust myself because I’m the person I’ve lied to the most.” It’s brilliant turns of phrase such as this, along with Fuhr’s adept use of metaphor, that lure you deeper into his madness just for the thrill of it and for the dazzle of language. The book is the long-awaited cure that Fuhr needed to get sober: it is an atom bomb of truth. I admire his lack of inhibition in his honesty, and the clarity with which he brings his confessions to light. Whether in reference to the bottlenecks of beer he guzzled or the metaphorical bottleneck of problems he created in his life, the memoir delivers.
And whether you come to it as an alcoholic or not, Fuhr has created a space for you. You will either be awestruck in comprehension of his madness, or you will be able to nod your head and say, “me too.”

[Michelle Garcia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading a book written by someone you know and consider a friend is a little daunting I think. I enjoy books that make me feel. Bottleneck made me feel sad, hopeful, nostalgic, conflicted, but it also made me laugh at times. I had a hard time putting it down and that is always is a good sign for me. I highly recommend this book for anyone interested in understanding someone else’s struggle and for those who need inspiration as well.

[Matthew Bohne · Rating 5 out of 5]

A brutally honest look into the experiences and journey of a recovering alcoholic, and what addiction means. Paul's writing style is wry, sharp, and poignant. This book promotes self-reflection whether or not you are an addict, recovering from addiction, or know anyone who might be (hint: you probably do).

[Anita Alton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great recovery book

Really good writing. He’s a great storyteller with a gift for writing. And a disease of drinking. I’d recommend this to anyone who questions their drinking. A sad but powerful story. And God love his wife!!!

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wasn't sure about this at the start.However as the addiction intensified it got better and better.A good read.

[Jennifer Spiegel]

A strong narrative with all of the elements I love: candor, wit, redemption, and self-knowledge.