"King Lehr" and the Gilded Age

by Elizabeth Drexel Lehr

HARRY SYMES LEHR was born in 1869 into a family that was neither wealthy nor socially prominent. His natural gift for entertaining and his penchant for hobnobbing with the very rich earned him entry to the powerful circle of the New York and Newport social elite, where Harry clowned his way to a position of prominence. One of his admirers and patrons, Mrs. Stuyvesant Fish, introduced him to a young widow, Elizabeth Wharton Drexel. Elizabeth was smitten with young Harry, his elegant dress, and outrageous behavior. They were soon married.

But King Lehr had a secret—he was not what he seemed. On their wedding night he cruelly dictated the rules of their strange relationship to his new bride. For twenty-three years, Mrs. Lehr protected his secret and remained in a loveless and abusive marriage.

After Harry’s death Elizabeth remarried, to the Baron Decies. Lady Decies wrote down her secret story in 1938, incorporating Harry’s most intimate diaries, and told all in this scandalous tale of power, desire, and deception.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Memoir, History, American History

233 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1935

About the author

American author and Manhattan socialite
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elizabet...

Reviews

[Sketchbook · Rating 1 out of 5]

Lehr or Leer...Ol Harry, the cute rascal, was just wild about all the fellas, which his tres Catholic, tres rich, tres stupido wife (this was almost 100 years ago) soon learned. I first found him mentioned on p 1 of "The Paris That's Not in the Guide Books," by Basil Woon, a very funny report on Paris '20s. "A rubicund personage whose cherubic cheeks were bent over a lovely lady's hand," at the Ritz in Paris. His cheeks were where?

For thems that like sociology, Harry Lehr is now all a-Google. With his personality, he knew how to make life amusing for others. Ol Harry, cited as a Beau Brummel (1869-1929), was known as King Lehr. He died, leaving his houses and yachts to his wife, the former Elizabeth Drexel. Problem: He didn't have any houses or yachts. "With him died my youth," writes the missus. Is she serious?

This is a sloshy-writ portrait of a marriage with larger-than-life people. C'mon, somebody, get onto Harry ! This is great material, badly writ. On her wedding night, the stupendously moneyed and plain Elizabeth learns he'll be an Ideal Husband, he vows -- but no sex. Instead, with her money he promised Entertainment. She writes in her diary, "Mamma must never know." Is that a burp I heard ? Or is it at long last love? These marriages continue today (eg, Diane and Barry Diller), but her cher rag trade is involved. No one gets hurt and they're very sportif when it comes to shameless self-promotion.

On Harry's deathbed, Elizabeth tried to cheer him up. He reportedly said, "The comedy is over." Good line, Harry !

[Sketchbook · Rating 1 out of 5]

A badly written "memoir" by a rich woman who was married in Name Only to flaneur Harry Lehr, who promised to give her a swell time, but no push-ups. Harry pops up in all sorts of books. This one is weighted w guest lists and menus and costumes worn to balls. In "Belchamber," by Howard Sturgis, the situ is reversed. Wife keeps her door locked. Wondrous: matrimonial rules.

[María Lujan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great book if you are interested in the golden age.

[Spinster · Rating 3 out of 5]

I recently read two histories of Gilded Age society that lifted heavily from this memoir, so when I found it cheap on Kindle I decided to check it out. Elizabeth Drexel was a wealthy young widow when she married Harry Lehr, the near-penniless jester desperately courted by society's mavens due to his ability to liven up their parties. On their wedding night he revealed he found her disgusting and would never touch her. In public, he was the most devoted of husbands. In private, he alternately berated her and hit her up for money.

Elizabeth decided a divorce would kill her ailing (Catholic) mother, so she and Harry stayed together for over 20 years. The book recounts several amusing anecdotes about the Vanderbilts and their ilk, revealing them as the shallow and in some cases nasty pieces of work that they were. Several of the anecdotes are quite racist.

The description on Amazon promises something more scandalous than what is delivered in the book: Excerpts from Harry's Secret Diary! In the penultimate chapter, Elizabeth writes about how she finally read Harry's locked diary after he died and discovered there "a love story".

Okay, I think to myself, here comes the dirt. Nope! The next chapter is an excruciating history of her house in Paris.

Here it is now, I comfort myself as I finally hit the diary excerpts at the very end...only to find extensive descriptions of the meals Harry ate when he was in Paris during WWI.

Is there a version of this memoir with diary excerpts that are actually, like...salacious? Can someone please let me know if so because I am a terrible person. Thanks.

[Yooperprof · Rating 3 out of 5]

The "shocking secret" promised by the cover of this book is that "King Lehr," the toast of Gilded Age society, the wit of Newport, the debonair dresser of the chic set, was gay. And not just any kind of gay, but bitchy queen gay. And not just bitchy queen gay, but the the kind of bitchy queen gay who would marry poor sweet innocent Elizabeth Drexel for her money and social status, without revealing his sexual orientation until their wedding night.

And then they are all Roman Catholics, and Elizabeth can't get a divorce because the shock and scandal would kill, absolutely KILL, her poor sick ailing mother. . . who nonetheless manages to hold on for what have been at least twenty years.

Like other people who have reviewed this book, I purchased it while visiting Newport. In spite of its rather unreliable narrator, the book is a fun and gossipy account of Newport Society when it was in all its trashy, nouveau riche, haute American vulgar glory of the 1870s to the 1910s.

[Nora · Rating 4 out of 5]

It always amazes me how the rich lived during the Gilded Age. The glamour and money that was spent to throw parties which of course had to be bigger and better than the last just astounds me. I can't imagine living during those times.

[Stefanie Robinson · Rating 1 out of 5]

Henry Symes Lehr was born in 1869 in Maryland. He wanted to establish himself with the elite of society, throwing massive dinner parties. He even threw parties where the pets of rich people ate at a fully serviced table while wearing clothes. George Jay Gould's wife, Edith, introduced Henry Lehr to her widowed friend, Elizabeth Drexel. Elizabeth and Henry were married a year after they met, but she was in for a shock- her husband was not sexually attracted to women. He benefited from the wealth her banker father left to her, and she benefited from his social status. In public, they had a wonderful marriage. In private, they did not. They remained in this arrangement for 28 years, until he died. There were a few details in this book that would have been scandalous at the time, such as his dressing in drag for a performance, his sexuality, etc. I realize that she wrote her personal account of this and was not a professional writer, but this was not put together in a coherent way. That is my personal opinion, and if you want to try this book out, go for it. I would not put my stamp of recommendation on it though.

[Wendy DeWachter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! Talk about an insiders view of the Gilded Age! I don't want to say more and ruin anything but if you love reading of the Astor and Vanderbilt set of friends this is a good book to have

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting account of the Guilded Age from someone who lived it. I enjoyed the gossip and amusing anecdotes but there's not much of a narrative throughline.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

Elizabeth Drexel Lehr (Lady Decies) drops a lot of high-profile names as she reflects on her life as a member of New York’s high society during the Gilded Age. She traveled widely and was never short of money, but she felt hopelessly trapped in a loveless and abusive marriage to Harry Lehr, the Gilded Age’s go-to party planner who picked up where Ward McAllister left off in the mid 1890s.

The author really captures what a sad existence it must have been to have been counted among the famous Four Hundred. Everyone seems so bored that they are willing to do anything and spend any amount for even an ounce of real happiness. Obviously there were exceptions, but the author’s reflections paint such a depressing picture. It’s a different perspective of the glamorous Gilded Age.

Some of the stories were funny— I didn’t know that Harry was called “King Lehr” after jokingly impersonating the tsar of Russia at one of Mamie Fish’s parties, which I thought was pretty great. And I liked the exchanges that painted people like Alva Vanderbilt, Ward McAllister, and Caroline Astor in a more personal, human light.

[Karen Phinney · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Real-Life Account of the Gilded Age & Its Foibles

An epoch of unimaginable wealth and lavish spending in a bygone era when the 1% traveled extensively as part of their everyday lives, rubbing elbows with diplomats, heads -of-States and royalty as nonchalantly as if they were commonplace next door neighbors. An enthralling look into the mores, manners and customs of a time in which wearing the wrong ascot or forgetting one's hat could eliminate one from invitations to the "best" houses. A very detailed account of social events in not only New York City and Newport but all over the European map! I loved every minute of this intimate journey as viewed mostly through the eyes, mind and heart of the author, being duped into a loveless marriage by her conniving social climbing husband who obviously was a closeted homosexual, she bravely made the best of her circumstances and played along with the guise. We are all the better for it as it shines light on the hypocritical norms of the Gilded Age.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an outlier for me as far as what I normally read. But, I watched the special features for Season 2 of The Gilded Age (HBO) and this book was named as a reference. I had to check it out. I thought it was pretty good, but I had some unanswered questions since this was her memoir of her life with Harry Lehr and her memories of the The Gilded Age. I found out after that she left a lot out and that has me even more puzzled. Why not talk more about her first husband? Why not mention she had a 2nd child. (No spoilers I promise.) Maybe because it was written in 1935 and she was staying away from taboo topics? It was a decent read and if you are interested in The Gilded Age/early Women's Suffragettes movement then it may be a good read for you.

[Ember Sappington · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this book to read about gilded age balls at Newport and that’s exactly what I got. It was less salacious than I thought, considering the context of this memoir is that it’s about her life being married to a gay man, which she really doesn’t get around to as directly as I expected. And when she does, she gives him the respect to state that while their marriage wasn’t a love story, he found romance of his own, which pleasantly surprised me. It’s of its time, so there is random outbursts of racism, antisemitism, and the like; which, while not unexpected still sucks. It’s a romp and waltz with robber barons and their wives: fascinating, enchanting, and disgusting all at once.

[Zaina Zahid · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very interesting read. It’s more like a collection of memoires, describing the lifestyle of the rich in America during a very specific time period. It gives a glimpse into the collective mentality of a specific group. A bit repetitive. Perhaps at times showy. And I would doubt the veracity of some tales, because it has now come to light that one of the stories was presented in a false way.
There are some cringey things described, but they are revealing indeed.
Generally I enjoyed reading it. It was like time traveling.

[Xavy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellently written non-fiction autobiography/biography of the married life of the Lehrs. This was easy to read, despite not knowing all the socialite and royal names dropped so frequently. It read like a number of short stories, amusing. The section at the end with Lehr’s diary added nothing, just emphasized the mundane life he led.
The book felt educated, as I stopped to research various persons, places and events within. I would read it again.

[Eve · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyed

Books from this period are fascinating, but sometimes hard to get through. Not the case with this book. Easy to digest, interesting and surprising. You realy do get an intimate look into the lives and historical period. I've read several books on the Gilded Age but this one really throws you into the "action" of the social whirl. My only wish is that Bessie's is so far from her emotions it lacks depth.

[Lindsay Heller · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like this is a great place to start with the Gilded Age because Bessie was there and she is not shy of sharing the juice here. Famously her second husband, Harry Lehr, Society's court jester, announced to her on their wedding night that he wasn't into her, never would be, and had only married her for the money. She spent thirty years stuck in this arrangement where she was essentially verbally abused on the regular. But still... what a life. And, more importantly, what a story!

[Deb · Rating 3 out of 5]

The back of the book indicated that the author wrote about her relationship with her 2nd husband. However, while it did spend some time on this story, the majority of the book was about all the people she knew and the parties and opulent lifestyle they lived. It was interesting to hear about but there were so many different characters, it was difficult to keep track of.

[Barbara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Elizabeth tells of her and King Lehr's experiences during the Gilded Age. Interesting and some funny situations, somewhat confusing keeping track of all the new characters and places visited. An insight into the lives of the rich and their party scene in NYC, Newport, and Europe.

[Nutthapol Limsombatanan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A charming book

Written in a tone that is expected of a scorned wife, this book is surprisingly wistful. It has quite a few interesting side stories with only a rare amount regarding the main subject. A quick read without much thinking.

[Jon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Primarily but not purely a social history, includes some surprising and interesting anecdotes about for example the German Kaiser and Ulysses S Grant. But troublingly for modern readers, the author quotes some racist and anti-Semitic remarks without apparent censure.

[Dale Harrison · Rating 3 out of 5]

Book not at all what I thought

The book was well written but, I was given to believe it was about this scoundrel who on their wedding night confessed to not loving Bessie . I read that on the cover and was why I bought the book

[Andie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Compared to other editions which run over 300 pages, this Kindle edition stops abruptly at page 233. Have the “scandalous “ sections been expurgated or are so many pages missing in error? Has no one else noticed?

[Sophia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun little first hand account of the gilded age told by someone in the thick of it. This book doesn’t promise any grand or cohesive story. It’s more of a train of thought or reflection back on her life. Fun for me, and would be fun for anyone else interested in that period.

[Pattim · Rating 3 out of 5]

I bought this book while visiting Newport. It was okay. I wasn't a big fan of the lifestyle that "King Lehr" led.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is dated but has some good history on the Gilded Age.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting book with lots of detail abut the high society of NYC at the turn of the 20th century, however it is one of the saddest books I have ever read.

[Toni Aucoin · Rating 5 out of 5]

amazing what people with an unlimited amount of money at their disposal did with it

[Jordan · Rating 2 out of 5]

1.5 🌟

[Joyce McCombs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Revealing, astonishing, sad and surprising... Elizabeth Drexel's marriage to Mr. Lehr wasn't exactly filled with love and devotion... and she managed to stay with him for 28 years. Incredible descriptions of everything from clothes and food to yachts and cars fill the pages. So many famous names and marriages and a lot of behind the scenes details about how the ultra rich and famous lived their lives during these years. I enjoy these first hand biographies of this era, and at the same time, feel a bit of despair at the huge amounts of money that were spent on just keeping up with what society expected. I can't help but wonder how those millions and millions of dollars could have helped so many people in less fortunate circumstances. I enjoyed this one very much.