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El hijo del pastor
El hijo del Pastor: Cómo encontrar tu propia identidad by Barnabas Piper Aunque el padre obedezca al llamado de Dios, el hijo del pastor solo sigue a mamá y papá. A menudo dando resultados devastadores. Barnabas Piper, hijo del exitoso pastor-autor John Piper, vivió los desafíos de ser un hijo de pastor en carne propia. Con empatía, humor e historias personales, aborda las suposiciones generalizadas, asuntos de identidad, y el escrutinio acelerado que enfrentan los hijos de pastores. Pero más que escribir sobre los problemas que se viven, Piper comparte lo que más necesitan los hijos de pastores (igual que sus padres y la iglesia), vivir en la verdadera libertad e integridad
147 pages, Paperback
First published July 1, 2014
112 people are currently reading
946 people want to read
About the author
Barnabas Piper
12 books1,151 followersBarnabas Piper is a pastor, author, podcaster, and speaker who lives near Nashville, Tennessee with his family. He writes regularly for He Reads Truth and blogs at BarnabasPiper.com. He has authored several books and Bible studies and also co-hosts The Happy Rant podcast, a popular show discussing issues of faith and culture in a light-hearted, humorous manner.
Barnabas's work can be found in many publications and websites. He can be heard regularly as a guest on various podcasts and speaks at churches, camps, and conferences nationwide.
Barnabas's work can be found in many publications and websites. He can be heard regularly as a guest on various podcasts and speaks at churches, camps, and conferences nationwide.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 214 reviews
July 29, 2016
I admit I was curious to hear what the son of one of my favorite authors would say about his upbringing... But I believe I can honestly say that my most powerful motivation in picking up this (audio) book was to gain wisdom about how to spare my own children from as many of the negative consequences of being a "PK" as possible. (I’m a P of a sort, and I have two K’s—and one on the way.) Neither motivation was quite satisfied, and I think that's okay. It was still a worthwhile book.
Barnabas' father gets it right in the preface: the book can be something of a downer, but all throughout you can sense that Barnabas is a true follower of Christ—and you can skip to chapter 8 if you need a grace infusion. I actually took this advice, then went back and listened to the chapters I’d skipped.
I did get many valuable tidbits from the book, and I appreciated how Barnabas did not give in to the temptation to relate juicy details from the Piper household. Not that he isn't authentic; but he did seem to me to be pretty careful not to gossip. Unless I missed it, he never told his own story of straying and repentance in any but the barest outline. I think that was wise, a show of love for God and for readers. It seems to me to be part of the point of the book that the PK’s private details are just that.
I did feel a number of times, I admit, that Barnabas should have boiled this entire book down to an article making a few points:
1) PKs are often judged more harshly than others, and they feel singled out and like they can't be truly known.
2) PKs need their dads to be dads, not pastoral counselors.
3) PKs should not be asked questions about their fathers' thoughts on any subject.
4) PKs are just normal kids, not Bible scholars.
5) Pastors should not use ministry to excuse workaholism but should make their families primary—without shirking their ministry duties, either.
6) Churches demand too much of their pastors.
7) Being a PK is, both because of and in spite of the foregoing points, a valuable training ground for future ministry.
Barnabas was strongest when speaking from personal experience. True to point 4 above, this isn’t a book full of deep exegetical or theological insight. But it definitely contains practical wisdom.
And because of point 4, I’m going to go soft on him with regard to theological stuff. I’ll only say a) that he was nothing less than dismissive of 1 Tim 3:4 and Titus 1:6; and b) that he’s vague about the non-essential theological differences he wishes pastors would let their kids have with them as they grow. I found this a little off-putting—like we should trust PKs over their pastor-fathers to determine whether a given theological difference is significant or not. But the point was well taken that PKs are expected to stay in the slice of Christianity they grew up in, and Barnabas felt (what he believed to be) undue pressure not to defect from that slice. There’s wisdom there: I need to stay aware of the pressures my kids face, including that one.
One other little point for my own slice of Christianity: it struck me that Barnabas Piper, son of the man who wrote a (not the) book on grace, still levied the charge of legalism at his upbringing. He wasn’t specific, and he wasn’t nasty. But he sounded exactly like countless of my ex-fundamentalist Facebook friends—and like me sometimes, truth be known. He speaks with love and appreciation for the spiritual leaders God gave him as a young person, but he feels in some unspecified way that they were too strict and didn’t explain their rules. Here's my point: moving one or two slices to the “left” may or may not rid you of the problems you thought you left behind. I just couldn’t help but think of an extremely penetrating essay I read from Timothy Larsen of Wheaton College a while back (http://bit.ly/1iQjnbf): he pointed out that one reason we remember our teachers as being simplistic is that they were trying to teach us, and that’s all we could receive. Perhaps our memories of past legalism are not truly just.
Barnabas himself read the book on the recording I received free from Christian Audio. I do tend to prefer hearing the author. You get a feel for his feelings, and that’s valuable. Barnabas did a good job. And he has performed a valuable service for Christ’s body in writing this little book.
Barnabas' father gets it right in the preface: the book can be something of a downer, but all throughout you can sense that Barnabas is a true follower of Christ—and you can skip to chapter 8 if you need a grace infusion. I actually took this advice, then went back and listened to the chapters I’d skipped.
I did get many valuable tidbits from the book, and I appreciated how Barnabas did not give in to the temptation to relate juicy details from the Piper household. Not that he isn't authentic; but he did seem to me to be pretty careful not to gossip. Unless I missed it, he never told his own story of straying and repentance in any but the barest outline. I think that was wise, a show of love for God and for readers. It seems to me to be part of the point of the book that the PK’s private details are just that.
I did feel a number of times, I admit, that Barnabas should have boiled this entire book down to an article making a few points:
1) PKs are often judged more harshly than others, and they feel singled out and like they can't be truly known.
2) PKs need their dads to be dads, not pastoral counselors.
3) PKs should not be asked questions about their fathers' thoughts on any subject.
4) PKs are just normal kids, not Bible scholars.
5) Pastors should not use ministry to excuse workaholism but should make their families primary—without shirking their ministry duties, either.
6) Churches demand too much of their pastors.
7) Being a PK is, both because of and in spite of the foregoing points, a valuable training ground for future ministry.
Barnabas was strongest when speaking from personal experience. True to point 4 above, this isn’t a book full of deep exegetical or theological insight. But it definitely contains practical wisdom.
And because of point 4, I’m going to go soft on him with regard to theological stuff. I’ll only say a) that he was nothing less than dismissive of 1 Tim 3:4 and Titus 1:6; and b) that he’s vague about the non-essential theological differences he wishes pastors would let their kids have with them as they grow. I found this a little off-putting—like we should trust PKs over their pastor-fathers to determine whether a given theological difference is significant or not. But the point was well taken that PKs are expected to stay in the slice of Christianity they grew up in, and Barnabas felt (what he believed to be) undue pressure not to defect from that slice. There’s wisdom there: I need to stay aware of the pressures my kids face, including that one.
One other little point for my own slice of Christianity: it struck me that Barnabas Piper, son of the man who wrote a (not the) book on grace, still levied the charge of legalism at his upbringing. He wasn’t specific, and he wasn’t nasty. But he sounded exactly like countless of my ex-fundamentalist Facebook friends—and like me sometimes, truth be known. He speaks with love and appreciation for the spiritual leaders God gave him as a young person, but he feels in some unspecified way that they were too strict and didn’t explain their rules. Here's my point: moving one or two slices to the “left” may or may not rid you of the problems you thought you left behind. I just couldn’t help but think of an extremely penetrating essay I read from Timothy Larsen of Wheaton College a while back (http://bit.ly/1iQjnbf): he pointed out that one reason we remember our teachers as being simplistic is that they were trying to teach us, and that’s all we could receive. Perhaps our memories of past legalism are not truly just.
Barnabas himself read the book on the recording I received free from Christian Audio. I do tend to prefer hearing the author. You get a feel for his feelings, and that’s valuable. Barnabas did a good job. And he has performed a valuable service for Christ’s body in writing this little book.
July 11, 2014
A helpful insight into the life of a pastor's kid but should not be seen as a representation of the experience of all pastor's kids. The overall tone of the book has an undercurrent of cynicism. My main disappointment is that while Piper tells us many times that is is not meant to be an expose of life in the John Piper household, enough care was not taken with some of the examples and stories to protect the reader from seeds of suspicion about exactly what he experienced in his relationship with his father.
There are bright moments of practical application, but I was left yearning for more grace and greater exposition of the power of gospel-reconciliation. It was sad to hear little gratitude or specific appreciation for his upbringing beyond the sweeping generalizations of chapter eight. In my opinion, it was a book written before the writer has sufficiently walked for an extended season beyond his experiences. Many of the exhortations given to pastor parents could be directed to parents in any profession. The impact of this book could have been farther reaching at the age of 40 with what feels like a couple of blog posts stretched into a book.
There are bright moments of practical application, but I was left yearning for more grace and greater exposition of the power of gospel-reconciliation. It was sad to hear little gratitude or specific appreciation for his upbringing beyond the sweeping generalizations of chapter eight. In my opinion, it was a book written before the writer has sufficiently walked for an extended season beyond his experiences. Many of the exhortations given to pastor parents could be directed to parents in any profession. The impact of this book could have been farther reaching at the age of 40 with what feels like a couple of blog posts stretched into a book.
February 24, 2016
I'm very glad I read this book.
So much of it is so true and I agreed with so much of it. I am a pastors kid and have found that not all this describes me, but it applies to me in more ways than I thought.
I understand being watched. I understand the expectations placed on me. I understand being known of but not really known.
I know what it's like to know so much about the church and the people, and I know what it's like to feel like I'm carrying a lot of burdens.
I don't remember a time when I wasn't the daughter of a ministry-involved family. I can't recall a day when the name of Jesus wasn't mentioned at least a dozen times or we didn't have a theological discussion around the dinner table.
And as much as this book points out the numerous challenges PKs face, it also reveals the many blessings of growing up in a Bible-saturated home.
The writing and the format was wonderful. I loved the model, and I even cried at one point because of how true I found it to be.
I recommend this to all Pastor's Kids, and others who want to know what it's like in our shoes.
So much of it is so true and I agreed with so much of it. I am a pastors kid and have found that not all this describes me, but it applies to me in more ways than I thought.
I understand being watched. I understand the expectations placed on me. I understand being known of but not really known.
I know what it's like to know so much about the church and the people, and I know what it's like to feel like I'm carrying a lot of burdens.
I don't remember a time when I wasn't the daughter of a ministry-involved family. I can't recall a day when the name of Jesus wasn't mentioned at least a dozen times or we didn't have a theological discussion around the dinner table.
And as much as this book points out the numerous challenges PKs face, it also reveals the many blessings of growing up in a Bible-saturated home.
The writing and the format was wonderful. I loved the model, and I even cried at one point because of how true I found it to be.
I recommend this to all Pastor's Kids, and others who want to know what it's like in our shoes.
September 19, 2014
As a PK myself, and now a father of six PKs, I picked up this book to see if I could learn some things for my own parenting. I believe I did learn from this book, but not what the author intended. Perhaps it was because I look back on my own experience so differently than he did. I didn't feel like I lived in a fishbowl. I didn't worry about other people's expectations. I didn't have any identity crisis. There was not much in me that resonated with the "PK" presented in this book.
The author's aim was to raise awareness of the struggles of PKs, but I believe he did so in a distinctly unhelpful manner. As he attempted to speak for PKs to pastors and to the church, he did not help us to see our lives from the perspective of Christ and His Word. In fact, I could not help but feel bad for him as I read his book. He feels like he has come up with some kind of answers, but I'm not convinced he even understands the problems he is trying to wrestle with. This book does not breathe the fresh, free mountain air of God's grace; it struggles in the claustrophobic atmosphere of one's own problems.
I truly hope the author continues to grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior. Perhaps writing this book will be helpful for him in that growing process. But I would not recommend this book for any PK. It will not turn your eyes to Christ.
One thing I learned from this book was what a wonderful blessing the Scriptures are. They bring clarity where this book does not.
The author's aim was to raise awareness of the struggles of PKs, but I believe he did so in a distinctly unhelpful manner. As he attempted to speak for PKs to pastors and to the church, he did not help us to see our lives from the perspective of Christ and His Word. In fact, I could not help but feel bad for him as I read his book. He feels like he has come up with some kind of answers, but I'm not convinced he even understands the problems he is trying to wrestle with. This book does not breathe the fresh, free mountain air of God's grace; it struggles in the claustrophobic atmosphere of one's own problems.
I truly hope the author continues to grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior. Perhaps writing this book will be helpful for him in that growing process. But I would not recommend this book for any PK. It will not turn your eyes to Christ.
One thing I learned from this book was what a wonderful blessing the Scriptures are. They bring clarity where this book does not.
June 5, 2015
This book has been really good for me. For most of my life I have been a PK, and now I am in the ministry myself. I can identify with quite a bit of what Barnabas has written about the difficulties and blessings of growing up in that kind of environment: I was often under the microscope, expected to be the leader, and preached at in the home.
I am also reminded of how blessed I have been to view my experience in a (mostly) positive light. There were some negatives to be sure, but my parents worked hard to avoid several of the pitfalls that he describes in this book. But I know other PK's who weren't as fortunate. Barnabas doesn't claim to speak for every PK, but I think he speaks for a majority. He doesn't just write from his limited experience--he has spent time interviewing other PKs and doing research--and so I think it rings true.
I recommend that anyone in ministry should read it and take note; PKs read it and know that you are not alone; and congregants read it with an eye to supporting and praying for their ministers and PKs.
I am also reminded of how blessed I have been to view my experience in a (mostly) positive light. There were some negatives to be sure, but my parents worked hard to avoid several of the pitfalls that he describes in this book. But I know other PK's who weren't as fortunate. Barnabas doesn't claim to speak for every PK, but I think he speaks for a majority. He doesn't just write from his limited experience--he has spent time interviewing other PKs and doing research--and so I think it rings true.
I recommend that anyone in ministry should read it and take note; PKs read it and know that you are not alone; and congregants read it with an eye to supporting and praying for their ministers and PKs.
October 6, 2014
I am not a Pastor's kid (PK) and I am not the parent of one, however, I am sinner just like them. This little book resonated with me because I have had a crisis of faith due to loosing sight of my identity in Christ. With expectations that has killed any grace to give or to receive. PK' s are just like you and me, however, anyone who is in leadership and is related to anyone in ministry leadership have a life of a fish bowl. Many times we loose sight of who we are because of expectations. We have a desire to be known and life in a bowl that is nearly impossible.
Barnabas Piper experience has a PK the son of John Piper who has influenced so many including myself with his sound teaching and passion for the supremacy of God, is real, grace filled, and makes the gospel come alive with his own unique insight that his different from his father but just as effective.
Thank you David Cook and Net Galley for the opportunity to review with my honest opinion.
Barnabas Piper experience has a PK the son of John Piper who has influenced so many including myself with his sound teaching and passion for the supremacy of God, is real, grace filled, and makes the gospel come alive with his own unique insight that his different from his father but just as effective.
Thank you David Cook and Net Galley for the opportunity to review with my honest opinion.
February 19, 2017
As a former pastor’s kid (and assistant pastor’s kid, and later a missionary’s kid), this book intrigued me. As a former member of John Piper’s church, this book had special relevance for me. The author is Barnabus Piper, one of Pastor John’s sons. As a Christian who is recovering from legalism, this book was especially helpful for me.
In "The Pastor’s Kid: Finding Your Own Faith and Identity" (David C. Cook, 2014), Barnabus opens up about the struggles of growing up in a fish bowl. The author doesn’t claim to be a guru, but he is a pastor’s kid who struggled and erred, but also grew and matured and looks back on his time as a pastor’s kid and feels the need to share his experience both for the benefit of pastors but especially for the help of fellow pastor’s kids who may not have turned out as well as he. There are a lot of pastor’s kids, and some of them have jettisoned their parents’ faith and are jarred by the experience. Other’s may not yet have come to grips with why they struggle so much in particular ways.
This book explores the unique challenges of pastor’s kids and yet doesn’t burn the parents and blame them for all the problems. Pastor John actually writes the foreword and while Barnabus spares no punches, one gets the sense that their relationship is in-tact and both respect the other.
This is part memoir, and part self-help. And it isn’t all Piper’s memoir, as he shares stories from countless pastor’s kids he interviewed in preparation for the book. Some of them are not in the faith anymore, and it does us good to wonder why. Barnabus’ prescription calls for grace and care for children, and a proper set of expectations. He also gives hope to those who have been burned, or are wondering what they can possibly due at this stage in the game.
I particularly appreciated his emphasis on legalism. This excerpt resonates well with me:
"Not everything is right or wrong, true or false, yes or no. The PK needs some maybes and sort ofs. If every question is answered in black and white and every decision judged as right or wrong, the PK never learns to make value decisions. In fact, he never learns values at all. He just learns to dance the morality two-step and avoid getting out of step with what’s ‘good’ or ‘true.’ If every question is given a concrete answer and no room is left for exploration or doubt, the PK is forced to either acquiesce or bury his doubts where they can fester and rot his faith." (p. 83)
I listened to the Christianaudio version of the book. This was extra special in that Barnabus Piper himself was the one reading his book. This made listening to the book more poignant as his passion for his book’s message was evident.
This book is well-written and preaches an important message. I don’t know of any other similar book that is designed to both help those who have been hurt, and equip those in the ministry now who are raising another generation of children. Cautions are raised and challenges issued, but grace and hope pervade the book. This is must reading for churches, pastors and of course, pastor’s kids.
Disclaimer: This book was provided by Christianaudio. The reviewer was under no obligation to offer a positive review.
In "The Pastor’s Kid: Finding Your Own Faith and Identity" (David C. Cook, 2014), Barnabus opens up about the struggles of growing up in a fish bowl. The author doesn’t claim to be a guru, but he is a pastor’s kid who struggled and erred, but also grew and matured and looks back on his time as a pastor’s kid and feels the need to share his experience both for the benefit of pastors but especially for the help of fellow pastor’s kids who may not have turned out as well as he. There are a lot of pastor’s kids, and some of them have jettisoned their parents’ faith and are jarred by the experience. Other’s may not yet have come to grips with why they struggle so much in particular ways.
This book explores the unique challenges of pastor’s kids and yet doesn’t burn the parents and blame them for all the problems. Pastor John actually writes the foreword and while Barnabus spares no punches, one gets the sense that their relationship is in-tact and both respect the other.
This is part memoir, and part self-help. And it isn’t all Piper’s memoir, as he shares stories from countless pastor’s kids he interviewed in preparation for the book. Some of them are not in the faith anymore, and it does us good to wonder why. Barnabus’ prescription calls for grace and care for children, and a proper set of expectations. He also gives hope to those who have been burned, or are wondering what they can possibly due at this stage in the game.
I particularly appreciated his emphasis on legalism. This excerpt resonates well with me:
"Not everything is right or wrong, true or false, yes or no. The PK needs some maybes and sort ofs. If every question is answered in black and white and every decision judged as right or wrong, the PK never learns to make value decisions. In fact, he never learns values at all. He just learns to dance the morality two-step and avoid getting out of step with what’s ‘good’ or ‘true.’ If every question is given a concrete answer and no room is left for exploration or doubt, the PK is forced to either acquiesce or bury his doubts where they can fester and rot his faith." (p. 83)
I listened to the Christianaudio version of the book. This was extra special in that Barnabus Piper himself was the one reading his book. This made listening to the book more poignant as his passion for his book’s message was evident.
This book is well-written and preaches an important message. I don’t know of any other similar book that is designed to both help those who have been hurt, and equip those in the ministry now who are raising another generation of children. Cautions are raised and challenges issued, but grace and hope pervade the book. This is must reading for churches, pastors and of course, pastor’s kids.
Disclaimer: This book was provided by Christianaudio. The reviewer was under no obligation to offer a positive review.
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January 16, 2021This is a great book for PKs and ministry parents alike. Heck, even church members would glean insight into the life of a PK and the challenges of living in a ministry family.
February 18, 2021
4.5/5 stars
Barnabas Piper's first book (2014) is quite helpful and insightful re: both the extraordinary pressure and the rare opportunities that are presented to pastors' kids (PKs).
First, Piper establishes right off the bat, that his objective is not to bash or belittle pastors (including his dad, John Piper). While Barnabas does bring lots of criticism, he takes a very middle-of-the-road approach in discussing his life as a PK.
Second, He shares about the challenges: living under intense scrutiny by members of the congregation, having theological disagreements with his dad, people knowing about him yet not knowing him on a heart level, confusing knowledge of the Bible with confidence in Biblical reality, etc. As he unpacks all of these difficulties, I felt a lot of empathy for Barnabas and PKs as a whole. It can definitely be a pressure cooker, which is compounded by the fact that PKs are born into vocational ministry vis a vis without having chosen it on their own.
Third, Piper discusses the coping tactics that PKs often develop to deal with the pressure of crushing expectations that are placed upon them. The "Onion" strategy: separating what you say from what you believe, the "Politician" strategy: question deflection/dodging, the "Chameleon" strategy: adjusting behavior/conversation based upon one's social surroundings, the "Rebel with a Cause" strategy: being contrary and refusing to participate. After discussing these tactics, the author talks about ultimately these mechanisms are used to handle issues of identity. The only way identity issues can be resolved is through truly knowing Jesus: his humanity, his grace, and the extent of his sacrifice on the cross.
Fourth, PKs don't just need to be told about Jesus, they need to be shown him. This section was the strongest part of the book (IMHO). Piper talks about the ways that people showed God's grace to him and how those acts of grace impacted his faith today. He invites pastor-parents, church members, and others to lead out in vulnerability, especially in-terms of confessing specific sins and admitting specific faults. Another way to show grace to PKs (and broadly to people in general, I would add) is to allow room for healthy theological questioning, exploration, and even doubt. Forcing PKs "to either acquiesce or bury his doubts where they can fester and rot his faith," can result in long-term harm and damage. One of the most practical ways people demonstrated grace was to care about Piper as a person. Not every conversation was intensely deep and theological and that mattered to him. Seeing people care about the routine and the mundane created a more full picture of Jesus for Piper.
Fifth, PKs have amazing opportunities/advantages because of their upbringing. Piper discusses how his time as a PK gave him a more holistic perspective on both people and on vocational ministry. He deeply understands the relational component of ministry because it has been the reality for his entire life. A deeply ingrained message is that ministry is about loving God and loving his people. At the end of the day, it isn't an intellectual exercise. "Ministry isn't just about methods and philosophies and practices, though. It is about people. It is a study in people and focused interaction with people. It is the ability to interact with and care for numerous types of people, to empathize with them and understand them." And PKs are not blissfully unaware of the challenges in pursuing the pastorate. This can make PKs excellent pastors, church members, or friends. PKs are quite adaptable and resilient. "We have seen them [pastors] struggle to survive fractured church leadership and factions in the church. We know ministry can be a bear. Ministry lost the ethereal glow of false expectations a long time ago for PKs. We are less inclined to be surprised at the struggles of those in ministry. After all, we saw the struggles in our own homes."
Barnabas Piper's first book (2014) is quite helpful and insightful re: both the extraordinary pressure and the rare opportunities that are presented to pastors' kids (PKs).
First, Piper establishes right off the bat, that his objective is not to bash or belittle pastors (including his dad, John Piper). While Barnabas does bring lots of criticism, he takes a very middle-of-the-road approach in discussing his life as a PK.
Second, He shares about the challenges: living under intense scrutiny by members of the congregation, having theological disagreements with his dad, people knowing about him yet not knowing him on a heart level, confusing knowledge of the Bible with confidence in Biblical reality, etc. As he unpacks all of these difficulties, I felt a lot of empathy for Barnabas and PKs as a whole. It can definitely be a pressure cooker, which is compounded by the fact that PKs are born into vocational ministry vis a vis without having chosen it on their own.
Third, Piper discusses the coping tactics that PKs often develop to deal with the pressure of crushing expectations that are placed upon them. The "Onion" strategy: separating what you say from what you believe, the "Politician" strategy: question deflection/dodging, the "Chameleon" strategy: adjusting behavior/conversation based upon one's social surroundings, the "Rebel with a Cause" strategy: being contrary and refusing to participate. After discussing these tactics, the author talks about ultimately these mechanisms are used to handle issues of identity. The only way identity issues can be resolved is through truly knowing Jesus: his humanity, his grace, and the extent of his sacrifice on the cross.
Fourth, PKs don't just need to be told about Jesus, they need to be shown him. This section was the strongest part of the book (IMHO). Piper talks about the ways that people showed God's grace to him and how those acts of grace impacted his faith today. He invites pastor-parents, church members, and others to lead out in vulnerability, especially in-terms of confessing specific sins and admitting specific faults. Another way to show grace to PKs (and broadly to people in general, I would add) is to allow room for healthy theological questioning, exploration, and even doubt. Forcing PKs "to either acquiesce or bury his doubts where they can fester and rot his faith," can result in long-term harm and damage. One of the most practical ways people demonstrated grace was to care about Piper as a person. Not every conversation was intensely deep and theological and that mattered to him. Seeing people care about the routine and the mundane created a more full picture of Jesus for Piper.
Fifth, PKs have amazing opportunities/advantages because of their upbringing. Piper discusses how his time as a PK gave him a more holistic perspective on both people and on vocational ministry. He deeply understands the relational component of ministry because it has been the reality for his entire life. A deeply ingrained message is that ministry is about loving God and loving his people. At the end of the day, it isn't an intellectual exercise. "Ministry isn't just about methods and philosophies and practices, though. It is about people. It is a study in people and focused interaction with people. It is the ability to interact with and care for numerous types of people, to empathize with them and understand them." And PKs are not blissfully unaware of the challenges in pursuing the pastorate. This can make PKs excellent pastors, church members, or friends. PKs are quite adaptable and resilient. "We have seen them [pastors] struggle to survive fractured church leadership and factions in the church. We know ministry can be a bear. Ministry lost the ethereal glow of false expectations a long time ago for PKs. We are less inclined to be surprised at the struggles of those in ministry. After all, we saw the struggles in our own homes."
February 26, 2019
The Pastor's Kid by Barnabas Piper (son of the famous John Piper) depicts the struggles and hardship of being a pastor's kid (PK) and the misrepresentations and pressures put on you by the church and by your own family. Piper shows the ways that PKs are often viewed and how that affects the way they see themselves. The pressures of the congregation, the expectation that the PK has to be a perfect angel and a depraved rebel all at once are the views that are shared among churches. Piper shows the erroneous viewpoints of many churches and pastors towards the children that are thrust into a position of standing within the church that they often do not desire.
I remember reading this book in high school. It's a book I remember fondly because it was so applicable to me. And it still is. And now that I'm married it is interesting to watch my wife go through the understanding of what being a PK really means. The hardest aspect of which is being known of, instead of actually being known. Having people think they know who you are, without actually taking the time to get to know you. Praise the Lord that I have friends and fellow believers who seek to get to know me for who I truly am and are willing to speak into my life with truth and honesty. As far as the book goes, I highly suggest it. In fact I think any believer should read this and see if they are helping the misconceptions of PKs continue. My only criticism is that Piper is very harsh with his readers. Personally, I would have preferred to see the theme of grace spread throughout the book, not only in the last chapter. I also wish that Piper would have spent time addressing PKs directly and challenging them to give grace to the church. Piper mentioned it, but I wish he had elaborated on it. In summary, this book is important, and maybe it is simply because I am biased, but I suggest reading it.
I remember reading this book in high school. It's a book I remember fondly because it was so applicable to me. And it still is. And now that I'm married it is interesting to watch my wife go through the understanding of what being a PK really means. The hardest aspect of which is being known of, instead of actually being known. Having people think they know who you are, without actually taking the time to get to know you. Praise the Lord that I have friends and fellow believers who seek to get to know me for who I truly am and are willing to speak into my life with truth and honesty. As far as the book goes, I highly suggest it. In fact I think any believer should read this and see if they are helping the misconceptions of PKs continue. My only criticism is that Piper is very harsh with his readers. Personally, I would have preferred to see the theme of grace spread throughout the book, not only in the last chapter. I also wish that Piper would have spent time addressing PKs directly and challenging them to give grace to the church. Piper mentioned it, but I wish he had elaborated on it. In summary, this book is important, and maybe it is simply because I am biased, but I suggest reading it.
June 17, 2017
This is probably a helpful book for any Christian to read in that it'll help you think about how you parent your own children and how to interact with your pastor's kids. But for pastors and pastor's kids this may be essential reading. Most of the stuff in here is sort of common sense-- don't put tons of expectations and pressure on PKs, give them grace, focus on being their parent rather than their pastor, don't be a workaholic, etc.-- but there are also a few things I'd never considered before and it's really helpful to hear it all from someone who has lived through it. Granted, Barnabas Piper probably has somewhat of a unique experience given that he is a "famous" preacher's kid. (He describes getting his dad's words quoted back to him on social media by devoted fans of his father sometimes, which sounds absolutely horrible.) But a lot of his experience is the same as other PKs and just to be sure he corresponded with a number of other PKs to hear about their experiences while writing the book. Most of the book details the difficulties of being a PK presented pretty frankly but the final chapter ends with a bit of hope as he considers a few of the benefits of grouping up as a PK. As a father of three small kids I needed to read this. I hope and pray it'll help me avoid some of the mistakes described within. But I know I won't be perfect (and neither will they). So, when my kids are older I'll repent of the specific mistakes I made and hand them a copy of this book. I think it'll help.
December 27, 2023
2 1/2 ⭐️
This book is for a parent, pastor, church member, anyone who wants to get inside the head of a PK. That being said, I was disappointed that it was moreso written ABOUT PKs, rather than TO them. It was written to give people our perspective, which is needed!, but I do wish was written FOR me rather than ABOUT me. I also personally wouldn’t want Barbabas Piper representing all of us as a whole lol. I think he might’ve been projecting a little bit, and I feel like, at least from my perspective, it was written in a accusatory tone. (But maybe I just see being direct as being extreme.)
Also, I didn’t feel like I could relate to a lot of the issues he wrote about. Which is a blessing, I’m so blessed to say I’ve never truly understood the common ministers child struggle of being put on a pedestal, always watched, ect. But it made it a little difficult to really get into the book.
Overall, two and a half stars from me. He did have some things I related to and thoughtful points, but for the majority I wasn’t super into it.
This book is for a parent, pastor, church member, anyone who wants to get inside the head of a PK. That being said, I was disappointed that it was moreso written ABOUT PKs, rather than TO them. It was written to give people our perspective, which is needed!, but I do wish was written FOR me rather than ABOUT me. I also personally wouldn’t want Barbabas Piper representing all of us as a whole lol. I think he might’ve been projecting a little bit, and I feel like, at least from my perspective, it was written in a accusatory tone. (But maybe I just see being direct as being extreme.)
Also, I didn’t feel like I could relate to a lot of the issues he wrote about. Which is a blessing, I’m so blessed to say I’ve never truly understood the common ministers child struggle of being put on a pedestal, always watched, ect. But it made it a little difficult to really get into the book.
Overall, two and a half stars from me. He did have some things I related to and thoughtful points, but for the majority I wasn’t super into it.
June 20, 2024
This is a really important subject to many in the church, but unfortunately there's a lot left to be done here. I've read this with the idea of some day writing my own response to the churches failure and pastors failure to caring for and seeking to understand pastor kids.
Barnabas Piper has done so good work, but there is a gap in the interviews he claimed to do, and the interaction with those people and thoughts. There's multiple quotes but little action with actual PKs stories outside of a few examples.
Also, I do fundamentally disagree with most of Barnabas & his father's theology and understanding of women within the church, although never stated, Barnabas only speaks of fathers as pastors (no shocking). Therefore there's space for a deeper, more robust understanding of pastors kids in the church with a family focus that doesn't just view the father as pastor and spiritual leader of the home, but a deeper theology of family, and church.
My dream is to some day speak with Barnabas about his book and experience as I got to write and interview my own set of pastor kids that I grew up with.
Barnabas Piper has done so good work, but there is a gap in the interviews he claimed to do, and the interaction with those people and thoughts. There's multiple quotes but little action with actual PKs stories outside of a few examples.
Also, I do fundamentally disagree with most of Barnabas & his father's theology and understanding of women within the church, although never stated, Barnabas only speaks of fathers as pastors (no shocking). Therefore there's space for a deeper, more robust understanding of pastors kids in the church with a family focus that doesn't just view the father as pastor and spiritual leader of the home, but a deeper theology of family, and church.
My dream is to some day speak with Barnabas about his book and experience as I got to write and interview my own set of pastor kids that I grew up with.
November 17, 2018
An insightful work that allows a glimpse into the world of the PK. This is not just a book for pastors as it highlights the importance of the pastor putting his family before his ministry but also gives practical advice for people in a church on interacting with the children of their pastor. Strangely enough, most children don’t like people randomly bringing up sermon illustration in which they are prominently featured. Overall a helpful and thoughtful treatise.
February 19, 2021
The book gives a good sense of what it is like to be a pastors kid and the common struggles associated with the unenviable position. I did feel that more emphasis was given to the parents of the pastors kid. So...give the book to the pastor and not the kid. Barnabas gives a lot of emphasis to grace which is needed and helpful, but seemed overdone as the main means of helping a pastors kid. I liked his 7 rules when meeting a pastors kid. Ultimately this book will help. I found it brief, and it holds a touch of frustrated bitterness.
April 23, 2021
This book was good. The first four chapters I can relate with being a Pk myself. But the rest was almost pointing fingers at the Church and the pastor. I don’t totally agree with this book, but some of the struggles listed I have seen my dad go through. Chapters five six and seven were very whiny. But I think this is still an important read
September 14, 2021
Being a PK myself, at times I felt as if Piper was burrowing into my own head with the observations he had about what it's like living as a child in a minister's family with just how uncannily accurate they are. He was able to designate behaviors and experiences that at the time of participating in them I could not yet categorize effectively. Him having done so gives PKs the tools they need to reckon with their past in a far more levelheaded manner, myself included. Overall, this work helped me process my own difficulties and hurts from my upbringing (especially concerning self-image and superimposed expectations from those in the church) and also allowed me to appreciate my own father in newfound ways for what he did well when he was raising me along with equipping me with greater discernment when coming to terms with what he could have done much, much better.
December 29, 2021
I was not a pastor's kid, but I'm married to an amazing one and we're raising three. Barnabas did a fantastic job describing the challenges they may, and already do, experience. I never considered how significant it is that I signed up for the challenges of pastoral ministry, but my kids did not make that choice. I was convicted about how our parenting can either reinforce or help ease those implicit pressures. His section on how to talk to ministry kids was invaluable, and helpful to me as I think about how to love our other elders' children. I'm very thankful for and humbled by this book.
March 8, 2018
This book was really helpful in exploring some of the things that PKs go through. It was very accurate/realistic when talking about identity issues and the expectations that we face. I think it is worth reading even if not everything is applicable or relevant (not everything will be) to a specific PK’s situation because it really helps to process and identify the problems that we could be unaware of.
The thing that I didn’t like so much was the negativity. At times Piper seems really critical and bordering on rude. Now I know that in a book like this, the weaknesses of the Pastor and the church are going to be pointed out. However, I feel that that probably could have been done in a more honouring and respectful way and more writing could have been devoted to praising and recognising Pastors and the church for all they do. It would be easy, to just read the book and feel sorry for yourself because of the different struggles you might grow up with rather than feeling thankful for the amazing privilege it is. I think it would have been helpful for Piper to write more than he did about the joys of being a PK and the unique opportunities we have. A lot of people would have benefited from looking on the positive side more and coming away with a grateful spirit. If you fail to take to heart the real message of what Piper is saying, and focus on the weaknesses in your parents and the church, then you’ve missed the point. Piper is trying to let PKs know they are not alone, help them to make sense of the struggles they face, and give them a picture of the grace that they need to accept and show to others. So, it’s important to not get caught up in the criticism Piper is giving.
Overall, this book was helpful and insightful - I benefited from reading it and I’m sure it has been a huge blessing to many PKs.
The thing that I didn’t like so much was the negativity. At times Piper seems really critical and bordering on rude. Now I know that in a book like this, the weaknesses of the Pastor and the church are going to be pointed out. However, I feel that that probably could have been done in a more honouring and respectful way and more writing could have been devoted to praising and recognising Pastors and the church for all they do. It would be easy, to just read the book and feel sorry for yourself because of the different struggles you might grow up with rather than feeling thankful for the amazing privilege it is. I think it would have been helpful for Piper to write more than he did about the joys of being a PK and the unique opportunities we have. A lot of people would have benefited from looking on the positive side more and coming away with a grateful spirit. If you fail to take to heart the real message of what Piper is saying, and focus on the weaknesses in your parents and the church, then you’ve missed the point. Piper is trying to let PKs know they are not alone, help them to make sense of the struggles they face, and give them a picture of the grace that they need to accept and show to others. So, it’s important to not get caught up in the criticism Piper is giving.
Overall, this book was helpful and insightful - I benefited from reading it and I’m sure it has been a huge blessing to many PKs.
June 5, 2020
I haven't read the original of this book, but had heard about it and read some reviews here. People can be critical in the face of honesty! Especially in the sort of taboo subject of the unique experience of a pastor's family. But I as a fellow pastor's kid now grown, I could totally appreciate Barnabas Piper's sharing parts of his experience because it allowed me to not feel so alone in mine. But with as much transparency and critique he offered, he gave equal parts grace (no, literally- grace was the thematic word here) and change.
There are many things in Barnabas Piper's story that were not true to my situation- because, well, my dad isn't John Piper, and we have 250 congregants- and didn't resonate with me personally. But the basis of his experience always did. Having a father in a high-trauma job is bound to affect their family in a unique way. The expectations of a pastor are bound to bleed into his family- and I'm thankful Piper took the time to write out a collective experience here, as well as suggestions for change and a healthy dose of gospel grace.
I read through this as both a pastor's kid and as a wife of a budding pastor, and found an ally. It's sparked a lot of constructive conversation with both my dad and my husband that will continue. Piper's own experience of fatherhood no doubt helped round out his perspective and wisdom here. This book showed Barnabas's full circle experience from pastor's kid with church hurts to a pastor's kid who loves the church in spite of its hurt, and I hope that will be my testimony too. The Lord will no doubt use this book to move more pastor's kids towards restoration, affection, and passion for the church.
Also, randomly, I really liked that Piper switched between talking about pastor's kids as males and females in his examples rather than having to wade through masculine pronouns!
There are many things in Barnabas Piper's story that were not true to my situation- because, well, my dad isn't John Piper, and we have 250 congregants- and didn't resonate with me personally. But the basis of his experience always did. Having a father in a high-trauma job is bound to affect their family in a unique way. The expectations of a pastor are bound to bleed into his family- and I'm thankful Piper took the time to write out a collective experience here, as well as suggestions for change and a healthy dose of gospel grace.
I read through this as both a pastor's kid and as a wife of a budding pastor, and found an ally. It's sparked a lot of constructive conversation with both my dad and my husband that will continue. Piper's own experience of fatherhood no doubt helped round out his perspective and wisdom here. This book showed Barnabas's full circle experience from pastor's kid with church hurts to a pastor's kid who loves the church in spite of its hurt, and I hope that will be my testimony too. The Lord will no doubt use this book to move more pastor's kids towards restoration, affection, and passion for the church.
Also, randomly, I really liked that Piper switched between talking about pastor's kids as males and females in his examples rather than having to wade through masculine pronouns!
December 7, 2014
A few random thoughts:
Like many evangelical books, this could have been a long magazine article.
It felt like an adolescent, "feel my pain" sort of confessional. I'm sure being the child of a pastor is hard, but it's not like being raised by meth-heads. I mean, I have a friend whose dad used to make him drink the blood of chickens sacrificed in voodoo rituals. Childhood's challenging for a lot of people.
I think he's mistaking some of the difficulty of being a human being as being the difficulty of being a PK.
He implies that "counsel of Romans" has little to do with actual real life problems (p. 104).
He finally gets around to giving advice to the PKs themselves (for two pages, starting on p. 129). That advice consists of (1) forgive those who have made your life so hard, (2) express your frustrations more freely, (3) understand that all churches are imperfect. Good advice, but if felt like there's more to be said.
Like many evangelical books, this could have been a long magazine article.
It felt like an adolescent, "feel my pain" sort of confessional. I'm sure being the child of a pastor is hard, but it's not like being raised by meth-heads. I mean, I have a friend whose dad used to make him drink the blood of chickens sacrificed in voodoo rituals. Childhood's challenging for a lot of people.
I think he's mistaking some of the difficulty of being a human being as being the difficulty of being a PK.
He implies that "counsel of Romans" has little to do with actual real life problems (p. 104).
He finally gets around to giving advice to the PKs themselves (for two pages, starting on p. 129). That advice consists of (1) forgive those who have made your life so hard, (2) express your frustrations more freely, (3) understand that all churches are imperfect. Good advice, but if felt like there's more to be said.
January 9, 2022
The book was interesting to me for two main reasons: first because I am studying to be a pastor and second because I plan to start a family soon. I am also the son of a PK who had to deal with the downsides of ministry for years, and I never want my children to go through what my mom or Barnabas went through. The books was thought-provoking, and it was good to consider these things for the sake of my family and ministry. Barnabas speaks a lot about teaching your children to find their own way in life and faith, which made me a little hesitant. It’s also true that I’m called to raise my children in the knowledge and instruction of the Lord and pattern a faithful life for them, but I see what he’s saying.
August 29, 2014
A fantastic book that refocused my walk with Christ. Barnabas offers insight and direction into those who found the challenges of being a PK difficult (as I did), and are having a hard time seeing Christ as anything but "dad's boss," or messages and hymns that the PK has memorized as "mundane." Thanks, Barnabas, for this book.
December 14, 2015
A weak book and a thin book. It reads like a sermon stripped of the interesting parts. Piper talks about being a preacher's kid only in the most abstract terms, sharing little (personal or otherwise) to support his bigger claims. Whole chapters are dedicated to spelling out thin analogies and he gives a lot of space to the vaguest theological musings.
This really didn't need to be a book.
This really didn't need to be a book.
February 28, 2018
Disappointed, but not surprised, to find typical evangjellyfish mush in this book, but a little surprised to find so much crybaby in it. The thought came to me about 75% of the way through that the only thing that does more to convince me of J. Piper's failings as a father is not Barnabas' proofs for it, but the actual writing of the book itself. B. Piper should fall on his knees and weep with gratitude that he didn't grow up in a fatherless home in Africa, as do most of the people that we minister to. And what grace, on top of grace he has received, that his own father displays to write the foreword for his son's rude, ungrateful book, and write humbly, giving him the grace he demands, all the while they both must be knowing that B. Piper will only be published and have lots of copies sold because of he is his father's son. B. capitalizes on the very thing he complains about in the book to sell it. It's certainly not his writing style that sells it, which is very simplistic and overuses buzzwords or annoying "raw" terms such as "stupid."
J. Is right, though. The last chapter is better than the rest. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. You can come away with some thoughts to apply to your parenting of your kids, even if you end up taking the opposite tack (for example, I found it ironic that after some trials we've been through recently, another ministry wife advised me NOT to talk to my kids or in front of them about it so they wouldn't become bitter about people, and then B. advises the opposite), it will help you be more compassionate and see things through your kids' lenses. Hopefully you will also think to show your kids the benefits of their positions as well. But as B. said, some kids are just contrary. If they know you really want them to do something, they purposely do the opposite. This is true of all Christian homes, not just the pastor's. Anyway, read the book if you can find it free somewhere and if it applies to your situation as a PK or someone in ministry. It only takes about 3 hours.
J. Is right, though. The last chapter is better than the rest. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. You can come away with some thoughts to apply to your parenting of your kids, even if you end up taking the opposite tack (for example, I found it ironic that after some trials we've been through recently, another ministry wife advised me NOT to talk to my kids or in front of them about it so they wouldn't become bitter about people, and then B. advises the opposite), it will help you be more compassionate and see things through your kids' lenses. Hopefully you will also think to show your kids the benefits of their positions as well. But as B. said, some kids are just contrary. If they know you really want them to do something, they purposely do the opposite. This is true of all Christian homes, not just the pastor's. Anyway, read the book if you can find it free somewhere and if it applies to your situation as a PK or someone in ministry. It only takes about 3 hours.
July 18, 2019
I'm not a P or a PK. I just read out of vague interest. What I appreciated about the book, even though this is a very indirect observation, is the basic idea that Christianity need not take one rigid cultural form and that we shouldn't confuse Christian culture with Christianity itself. What I hear Barnabas Piper saying is essentially something like, "I grew up in an environment where to be Christian is to know C.S. Lewis by heart, pray in a very particularly spiritual way, have a very developed and rigorous theology, that theology must be Calvinism, listen to a certain kind of music, have a certain kind of personality, etc. And the epiphany of my adult life was to realize that to follow Christ is to follow Christ and nothing else." That's not an actual quote, but you get the gist.
I listened to, rather than read, the book. Barnabas P. read it himself, so I didn't get the cynical tone. Although, I can see how I might if I read it. I think it's actually important that the book be a little snarky (which I distinguish from cynical. I don't think it was cynical but I do think it was snarky). I think that's sort of the point. I think it was a conscious choice. Wouldn't it be "the proper Christian thing" if this book was the perfect mix of polite, yet insightful, stern, yet gentle. The kind of rebuke that leaves you feelin' like, "gee golly, I really need to serve the Lord better. He's been so darn good to me. Mildred, let's ask the pastor's boy if he has any prayer requests and then give him a hearty word of encouragement." But then you read the Prophets and they're calling people prostitutes and what not. I think that's his point. That's why he's snarky. To show that Christian rebuke need not take one form or another, in keeping with the essential message of the book. Do I agree with that? In the form of a book addressed to a general Christian audience - yes. In the context of confronting someone personally who has hurt you - No.
For what it was, it was a fun read. I thought it was insightful and unique.
I listened to, rather than read, the book. Barnabas P. read it himself, so I didn't get the cynical tone. Although, I can see how I might if I read it. I think it's actually important that the book be a little snarky (which I distinguish from cynical. I don't think it was cynical but I do think it was snarky). I think that's sort of the point. I think it was a conscious choice. Wouldn't it be "the proper Christian thing" if this book was the perfect mix of polite, yet insightful, stern, yet gentle. The kind of rebuke that leaves you feelin' like, "gee golly, I really need to serve the Lord better. He's been so darn good to me. Mildred, let's ask the pastor's boy if he has any prayer requests and then give him a hearty word of encouragement." But then you read the Prophets and they're calling people prostitutes and what not. I think that's his point. That's why he's snarky. To show that Christian rebuke need not take one form or another, in keeping with the essential message of the book. Do I agree with that? In the form of a book addressed to a general Christian audience - yes. In the context of confronting someone personally who has hurt you - No.
For what it was, it was a fun read. I thought it was insightful and unique.
August 20, 2023
3.5 // Overall, this was a net positive. I picked up this book in the hopes that I would be equipped to better care for and shepherd the PKs in my own life, and I think that is more true of me now than before I read it. Barnabas Piper presents a case for the unique pressures that face PKs, and he is right to call the church to be better when it comes to rejecting assumptions, guarding against unhelpful expectations, and creating more space for questions and wrestling with doubt, among other things.
There were two main issues that I had with this book. First, in an attempt to highlight the difficulties that come with being a PK, Piper essentially describes the difficulties of being a teenager (and, more broadly, a human being). He is right, I believe, that PKs experience unique pressure that heightens these categories, but most of the difficulties he brings up (e.g. being known vs. known of, or the different categories a PK can fall into) are common experiences of teens around the world. Obviously this doesn’t make Piper’s arguments untrue; it was simply less helpful than I had anticipated in this regard.
My second issue was simply the tone of the book. Another reviewer said that it seemed like the book could have benefitted from Piper taking a few more years to process or work through his own pain before writing, and that rings true for me. The truth of Piper’s words aren’t often balanced by love. There is a time for rebuke, and the church’s failure to care well for pastors and their families is worth such rebuke. And at the same time, while the Gospel is mentioned several times, these inserts sometimes felt perfunctory instead of foundational. I found myself longing for something more. That being said, I think what I really need to do is engage with the PKs I know personally to see where they would land on these issues. And I’m thankful to have that opportunity!
There were two main issues that I had with this book. First, in an attempt to highlight the difficulties that come with being a PK, Piper essentially describes the difficulties of being a teenager (and, more broadly, a human being). He is right, I believe, that PKs experience unique pressure that heightens these categories, but most of the difficulties he brings up (e.g. being known vs. known of, or the different categories a PK can fall into) are common experiences of teens around the world. Obviously this doesn’t make Piper’s arguments untrue; it was simply less helpful than I had anticipated in this regard.
My second issue was simply the tone of the book. Another reviewer said that it seemed like the book could have benefitted from Piper taking a few more years to process or work through his own pain before writing, and that rings true for me. The truth of Piper’s words aren’t often balanced by love. There is a time for rebuke, and the church’s failure to care well for pastors and their families is worth such rebuke. And at the same time, while the Gospel is mentioned several times, these inserts sometimes felt perfunctory instead of foundational. I found myself longing for something more. That being said, I think what I really need to do is engage with the PKs I know personally to see where they would land on these issues. And I’m thankful to have that opportunity!
September 21, 2018
I'm guessing this would be a 3 star review if I had started with chapter 8. But alas I did not. The tone of this book grated on me. I listen to it and I thought surely it is simply because of the way the person is reading it. Then I realized that the author is the narrator!
To be honest it was a depressing book. Maybe it was because it raised so many concerns of my own heart about how my children are or will deal with these challenges and how I am either helping them or not helping them. Nevertheless this was a labor for me to listen to.
If it wasn't for chapter eight, I would think that Barnabas was very bitter. Chapter 8 does emphasize the blessings of being in a pastor's home in spite of all the very clearly listed challenges. To be honest though the tone of chapter 8 is so different than the rest of the book it raises questions in my mind as to how the two tones in the book coexist together.
Though it was a labor I was profited by the book because it did make me more concerned about some possible pitfalls for my children and it certainly scared me enough to encourage me to pray even more!
I remain unconvinced that things have to be interpreted like Barnabas interpreted some of the challenges as a preacher's kid but I'm thankful that he at least transparently communicated his concerns as it did make me evaluate my roll in shepherding my own family. And yes I do think it's legitimate to speak of shepherding or pastoring my family even if Barnabas questions whether or not that's helpful to say :-)
All that said, one mark of a helpful book is that it challenges you and helpfully changes your outlook or your approach to things and I must admit that this book was helpful at least in some ways like this.
To be honest it was a depressing book. Maybe it was because it raised so many concerns of my own heart about how my children are or will deal with these challenges and how I am either helping them or not helping them. Nevertheless this was a labor for me to listen to.
If it wasn't for chapter eight, I would think that Barnabas was very bitter. Chapter 8 does emphasize the blessings of being in a pastor's home in spite of all the very clearly listed challenges. To be honest though the tone of chapter 8 is so different than the rest of the book it raises questions in my mind as to how the two tones in the book coexist together.
Though it was a labor I was profited by the book because it did make me more concerned about some possible pitfalls for my children and it certainly scared me enough to encourage me to pray even more!
I remain unconvinced that things have to be interpreted like Barnabas interpreted some of the challenges as a preacher's kid but I'm thankful that he at least transparently communicated his concerns as it did make me evaluate my roll in shepherding my own family. And yes I do think it's legitimate to speak of shepherding or pastoring my family even if Barnabas questions whether or not that's helpful to say :-)
All that said, one mark of a helpful book is that it challenges you and helpfully changes your outlook or your approach to things and I must admit that this book was helpful at least in some ways like this.
October 3, 2024
Finished this one earlier this year but just now updating it. My friend Tali recommended this to me and then bought it for me! Overall all a good read! Loved to be able to talk to Tali about this and connect with her on this topic. Definitely some good quotes from this and it was interesting to hear about his childhood, but some of his remarks came off as snarky to me. I felt like he was trying to paint the picture that this is a struggle ONLY pk's go through and was a little frustrated at the fact that many other people do. (MKs, TCKs, kids with parents in any type of ministry) I get it was written specifically for pk's and was able to relate to it on that way but did wish there was a bit more inclusivity.
August 29, 2025
As the kid of a reverend and former missionary I found this book extremely helpful. As someone pursuing pastoral ministry, I hope this book shapes how I lead my own family and the churches where I serve.
There are a number of things this book is not (which the author lists out early in the book), but what it does it does well.
This is fundamentally a book about expectations, frustrations, grace, and growth. It is about how even the least legalistic churches in every other area can grow a form of legalism around church leaders and their children.
This book is super short and is not a hard read, making it an excellent resource to hand out to entire elder teams, or even whole congregations. I think church cultures would be better for it.
There are a number of things this book is not (which the author lists out early in the book), but what it does it does well.
This is fundamentally a book about expectations, frustrations, grace, and growth. It is about how even the least legalistic churches in every other area can grow a form of legalism around church leaders and their children.
This book is super short and is not a hard read, making it an excellent resource to hand out to entire elder teams, or even whole congregations. I think church cultures would be better for it.
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