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Dirty, Bruised Martini

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I think about you when he f*cks me.
I think about you when he beats me.

I think about you when he whips me and tortures me and makes me bleed.

I think about you when he rapes me and then offers me to his friends - to the men who hate you almost as much as he does.

All I can hope, to keep myself going, is that sometimes you think about me too.

Dirty, Bruised Martini is a dark romance with multiple triggers. PLEASE do not read if this type of story is not for you.

177 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 9, 2018

197 people are currently reading
290 people want to read

About the author

Nikki Belaire

25 books413 followers
Nikki writes contemporary romantic thrillers and admits to a weakness for bad boys, especially ones who can’t live without the strong women they love.

She spends more time in her characters’ lives than her own. But, when she’s in the real world, her passions include reading, wine appreciating, running, and spending time with her daughter.

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5 stars
103 (40%)
4 stars
65 (25%)
3 stars
49 (19%)
2 stars
21 (8%)
1 star
15 (5%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 87 reviews
Profile Image for Samantha K.
141 reviews110 followers
September 9, 2018
This book was incredible! It wow'd me.

H - J/P (jealous/possessive) in his thoughts. Due to the story that was told, there weren't J/P scenes but he has the, "Mine! Mine! Mine! I'm never letting her go even if she wants to go." mentality. He's a mafia boss, an alpha, possessive, good to the h and totally head-over-heels in love with her.
h - Amazing!
First person POV with POV from the H and h. Written in a diary format.
Sex - open door & steamy
Triggers - h is raped and abused by a bad guy repeatedly. This happens in the beginning of the book. No cheating. No sharing. No ow/om drama. Neither even look at another.
HEA with a great epilogue!

Wow! This story is soooo good and it caught me completely off guard. I have to be honest, I've never read a book written in a diary format and had zero desire to do so, as to me, it's off-putting. I know that's terrible of me to say but it's the truth. I can guarantee I wouldn't have read it if I hadn't been given an ARC. Thank you so much, Nikki Belaire!

So it was with those preconceived prejudices in mind that I read this book and I. Was. Blown. Away! I loved it!
Profile Image for Carvanz.
2,384 reviews897 followers
September 21, 2018
Holy freaking gawd! This book was simply amazing and it had very little to no dialogue in it. I may never be the same again.

Written as diary entries this is a dark, trigger inducing read that will pull you in from the very first page. At first, I thought it was all going to go sideways on me because dark reads can sometimes trick you up like that. Instead, I just read one of the most beautiful love stories ever. It’s not often you find a complete alpha hero who rages with jealousy, possessiveness and most of all protectiveness to be oh so sweet. But dang if Kane wasn’t and he has definitely made it to the top of my favorite heroes list.

This may very well be one of the most extraordinary books I’ve ever read due to its format. Usually, I will skim if a book gets too wordy and there is no action or communication going on but holy heck, this story just flowed from one word, one page, one chapter at a time until I was completely consumed by it. I can already feel the hangover…

Dual POV
Safe
Triggers
Profile Image for Mindy Lou's Book Review.
3,011 reviews799 followers
Read
September 28, 2018
I’ve got to think about how to rate this book. The first part was very hard for me to read. I had to skim some of it because some scenes made me sick for the heroine and the details was too much. But...I kept reading cause a good friend said I would love the hero in this one. And she was right. Kane was 100% devoted to Giselle. The way he never gave up on her after the trauma she suffered was incredible. I also thought the aftermath was done very well. The author really showed how hard and long the road would be to recovery and that just showcased how much he loved her. The diary format was interesting. I can’t say that I loved it but it also expressed the story in a good way. Ultimately this was too dark for me but I sure did love Kane.
Profile Image for Leigh.
1,398 reviews325 followers
September 16, 2018
4.5 stars

Dirty, Bruised Martini was my first book by Nikki Belaire but most definitely not my last. I have never read a book written like a journal and in this case I loved it. I think it helped me get through Part I which was brutal. What was done to Giselle was horrible so I preferred reading the events after they were done. While this may seem odd I think it lessened the blow, although I did put it down several times and walk away. Part II we get both Giselle and Kane's POV. I loved being in his head and what he went through during the time she was taken. What he does to her kidnapper was so satisfying to me and I was pleased to know he didn't escape or die in the fire. He is brutal but his love for her is beautiful and he would do anything to make her happy again. I loved their journey to recovery and while it was a difficult road they did it together. The epilogue was wonderful especially since I'm a sucker for a happy HEA.
Profile Image for D.D. Prince.
Author 49 books3,041 followers
September 11, 2018
Dark. Ugly. Gripping. Emotional. And eventually.... beautiful.
Profile Image for Dilek VT.
1,548 reviews1,685 followers
nope
October 20, 2018
Too much rape, violence & abuse.
Too dark and painful for me.
Profile Image for Donna.
1,399 reviews33 followers
September 22, 2018
Well, this was different. Cannot say much without giving the story away, but I felt like a peeping tom at times. Reading a journal from both Kane and Giselle’s point of view. This was not too dark for me, but will be for some. My heart ached for both of them. For Kane, a guy who can buy anything he wants at any time, has to learn there are things that money cannot buy. This was a 3 month period of healing and overcoming some difficult times. A true love story. A Definitely worth a read and now I will be checking out other books by this amazing author.
Profile Image for Katrina Haynes.
754 reviews21 followers
January 7, 2024
Wow.. What another great read by Nikki. I was so happy I got to read the ARC which I think you will love. This is very different then most of her books but in a good way.. Not going say much but this such a must read💛💛
Profile Image for Lori Amey.
425 reviews14 followers
August 26, 2018
Mind blown!! This book was an emotional rollercoaster from the beginning until the end. I had no idea what would happen from page to page. One take away for me was, never give up on the person you love. This is a must read, get your copy September 9th.
Profile Image for Lynn Thinking out loud .
1,483 reviews64 followers
August 20, 2018
This book is written unlike anything I've ever read from the dark romance genre. It's different. It's unique. It's sad. It's dark. You will remember this book for a long time. Its unforgettable. This book will leave you with a hell of a book hangover.
But be warned there is definite trigger warnings in this book.
Profile Image for Gwen.
578 reviews
October 7, 2018
4,5 stars! Nobody writes OTT J/P mafia alphas like Nikki Belaire. So I was looking forward to her next book but also a bit hesitant when I read the blurb. This book has triggers of abuse (kidnapping, rape) and I am not talking the dub-con kind in a back and forth game. The h is kidnapped, tortured and abused by the H's nemesis all in a ploy to weaken him and hurt him. The story is written from her pov in a diary setting, during her imprisonment and afterwards as part of her therapy. To the author's credit, it never gets too dark. This story really focuses on the romance between the main characters with the kidnapping serving as the backdrop for their story. I know this might sound weird and it's not to be taken in too lightly but throughout her ordeals we also get a glimpse of how they fell in love, how he was all arrogant and asshole to her when they first met to how they fell in love. We also get the story written from his POV so there is a nice back and forth. You don't want to miss this book if you are into J/P mafia alphas and you don't mind your romance on the darker side!
Profile Image for Teri.
3,918 reviews37 followers
September 9, 2018
This is not a read for the faint at heart and if you have triggers beware this will definitely hit one of them. I love this author and this book is beyond words. A living breathing journal. It began when she was in captivity, away from him for 4 weeks. Brutally tortured and raped she details some of the horrible things he does to her as a way to deal with everything going on, her therapy. Later it records their recovery of sorts but also is their sounding board. How do you come back from this? How does you love survive? They both come out of this dirty, battered, bruised and stronger than ever. But the process is fierce and so is this author. This book is emotional, it's degrading, it's brutal, it's intense, it's their journey out of hell and back to each other. It will hurt. It will wound. It is honest. It is them.

An amazing read from an author I can't get enough of. I never know what she will do and what her character will concoct and it's always an emotional journey.
Profile Image for Marcy Barth.
294 reviews13 followers
September 10, 2018
Nikki Belaire did not disappoint her readers with this new and inventive way of storytelling. Using journal entries to tell their story is such a unique and refreshing way to follow the lives of Giselle and Kane through tragedy and beyond.

First ~ This is a very dark read. From the very first page you see the darkness of the underworld of mob bosses, revenge and the uncaring and cold world that surrounds them. It starts out already into the kidnapping and abuse of Giselle at the hands of her fiancés enemy. Showing you how truly horrible evil people can be.

You become instantly attached and heartbroken for her as she goes through the day to day description of her imprisonment and torture at the hands of a ruthless man bent on revenge. You desperately want to know if she will ever be free and if her fiancé gets to her in time to save her mind.

You need to know if Kane and Giselle will ever be reunited and if, after all she’s gone though, she’ll ever be the same. Will her strength hold up through it all or will the abuse and torture for days on end take everything she’s ever loved, including herself?

It’s heartbreaking, violent and beautiful all at the same time. Being told only through journal entries gives you an unedited view into the minds of the characters. Views you wouldn’t see if it was told any other way. Views they aren’t totally able to fully reveal to the other. I loved this change in writing style from Ms. Belaire and hope she tries this and other new ways of bringing her stories and characters to life.
Profile Image for Prisca Lopez.
3 reviews1 follower
September 13, 2018
This story to me is the most poetic one Nikki wrote. The beauty of love that still survive after it gets buried under deep scared will make you want to get yourself a real man, a real alpha. If your heart can handle violence scenes this book is for you. A really beautiful read
Profile Image for Christie Marsh.
551 reviews5 followers
September 11, 2018
I never thought a book could be written the way this one was and be such a page turner. It was a beautiful dark romance that captured my heart and made me want to get to the happy ending, to make sure everyone was going to be ok. I felt all the feels. I was impressed, it was realistic, soulful and beautiful! The title fits the story perfectly! This author loves her Mafia and this fits right in!
1,797 reviews38 followers
September 9, 2018
Where do I even start? When a book is so incredible that the word incredible doesn’t remotely do it justice. This book deserves 10+ stars! I had no idea what to expect and the way this book is written was so unique, so different, so utterly perfect. The story of Kane and Giselle will blow you away. From heartache and fear and sadness, to elation, happiness and love. My heart is still beating hard and my stomach is in knots, but those are all good things. This book will have you on the edge of your seat. It is so amazing, that I read it in one sitting. You need to read this story and I guarantee that you will agree with everything I just stated in this review. Don’t hesitate! I love Mafia type stories and this one is unbelievably amazing.
Profile Image for Ida Jolley.
739 reviews17 followers
September 9, 2018
Dirty Bruised Martini is quite an amazing and sensitive book, not for younger readers, it has some sensitive are ‪as in it but otherwise it is a very interesting read. I thought it was hot, sexy, and very much a love story between a couple who you will find out about late ‪on in the book. A woman gets taken away from her lover and is held captive, held by am abuser, who treats her very cruelly. Until she is rescued and can come to terms with what has happened to her. It’s also an emotional Story, and it will make you feel for her as I have, no woman should have to ever go through this kind of treatment. I gave it 5 Stars , I received it for my honest review, and I loved it. Well done Nikki Belaire.
Profile Image for Sarah DeLong.
1,761 reviews1 follower
September 10, 2018
This book completely consumed me. It grabbed ahold of me with the first sentence and didn't let go. I was so engrossed into Giselle's and Kane's lives that I read this in one sitting. Their story is extremely dark, heart wrenching and ugly yet so amazingly beautiful. A love story that at first is anything but that, the dual point of views of these two literally had me gasping (and sobbing too, I admit) in despair and hoping for a happy ending. As the author warns in the blurb, there are major triggers and the warning shouldn't be taken lightly. However, I do recommend this book as it is truly a magnificently penned piece of art that will leave the reader with a book hangover.
Profile Image for Julia Leonard.
805 reviews16 followers
August 26, 2018
The story between Kane and Giselle will absolutely break your heart.
Kane blames himself for all of the torture and abuse that Giselle endured while she was in the hands of his enemy.
Once Kane gets his Giselle back, they begin the healing process.
This is a very dark romance to say the least.
You will have a good ugly cry, so be prepared.
Thank you so much Nikki for having me on your incredible review team.
Looking forward to your next dark masterpiece.
1,715 reviews14 followers
August 25, 2018
I loved this book! The way it was written had me so invested and anxious for what was coming next!
Profile Image for Neisha † The Poet †.
1,284 reviews35 followers
March 17, 2019
Giselle + Kane

Told through journals entries. I loved this story.
Giselle went through hell. There were literally times when I felt like I was not going to be able to finish reading the book. The scenes were not too descriptive about the torture she went through but I still felt everything.

I loved how Kane finding Giselle did not mean she was automatically healed. She still had a lot to overcome. She went through depression, suicidal tendencies, and eventually had to learn no to be disgusted by herself.

When I grow up, I want a Kane (or now I'm 24 it does not matter). A man who goes to the end of the Earth for me, who is willingly to burn m'fs alive for me, and who is willing to wait patiently (or feign patience) by me as I heal myself. That would be everything.

"Maybe that's weird. Maybe that's degrading to have my goal in life be to make you happy after everything I accomplished on my own before we met. Maybe that's too submissive, and I should want more than to just be your good girl. But it's true. We both know it's true. No need to lie for a truth we can't do anything about but accept."

"Red velvet or marble cake? You said whatever I want. Hydrangeas or dahlias? You said for me to choose. Keep my maiden name or take yours? You said I need to remember who the fuck I belong to. You had me up against the wall before I could blink, with my legs wrapped around your waist and your lips on my ear, growling about needing to remember who the fuck owns me. Owns this pussy. Owns this everything."

"You smiled your indulgent smile when I told you I hoped I would put my son inside you today. That I would raise him how my father raised me. Love your women. Cherish them. Kill for them. Anything to keep your wife, your mother, your daughter safe."
Profile Image for Andrzejewski Amy.
384 reviews6 followers
September 11, 2018
"Let go of the past, cherish the present, and believe in the dreams waiting in our future." - Giselle (talking about Kane and how he knows the importance of the past, present and future.)

This book was amazing. It was unlike any other dark mafia, dominating alpha book this author has wrote. It's an easy read and is hard to put down. For some readers there maybe triggers in the first part. I'm glad that the author didn't go into heavy detail with the abuse.
In the first part of the book Giselle is in hell. She's held captive by an enemy of Kane's. He rapes and abuses her in everyway he finds possible in an attempt to destroy her and cause Kane pain. Her captor marries her, he knows she will be marrying Kane. In the second part of the book is Giselle and Kane learning how to make thier relationship work. Giselle slowly learns how to heal from the trauma, this wasn't her fault and to trust Kane. Kane is compassionate, empathetic and patient. He takes the time that's necessary to help Gisselle heal. Kane feels guilty for all that happened but will kill to keep her safe.
The love they have for one another is strong and nothing will stand in it's way. They have a beautiful future together. You must read to find out what the future has in store for this wonderful couple. This book isn't as flaming hot with sex as most of Nikki's other books.
Profile Image for Nickie Sale.
896 reviews5 followers
October 20, 2018
This is a very different read, told entirely through personal diary entries of Giselle and Kane. Giselle has been kidnapped by Kane's enemy. The book starts with part 1 after the kidnap with Giselle's diary of the pain and torture she is being subjected to on a daily basis. It's a tough read, your heart goes out to her as she wonders if Kane will ever be able to rescue her. Her kidnapper not only subjects her to physical torture and rape but also mental torture, telling her Kane will never find her and that she is now his for life, or that Kane is dead. You can feel her despair as she feels that death is her only way out. Part 2, Giselle has been rescued now you have not only Giselle's diary but Kane's diary. Kane is angry, he blames himself for Giselles kidnap, he will kill anyone who threatens to hurt Giselle and swears to keep her safe. Despite his hard exterior Kane is gentle and kind with Giselle, he knows it will take time for her recover and he's determined to give her the time and space she needs. Through Giselle's diary you wonder if she will ever be able to recover and if her relationship with Kane can survive the aftermath of the kidnap. Brilliant writing but for me there was detail missing surrounding the actual kidnap and rescue, which would have tied up some of the loose ends.
Profile Image for Kim  Brewing.
3,620 reviews36 followers
August 27, 2018
I honestly don't know how to form the right words for this review - I can say that I was captivated right from the first line. I wanted to be able to read faster but I the same time I wanted to be sure not to miss a word.

This story is very much different than this authors previous work. It is still a dark (definite trigger) mafia read but it is told in the form of journal entries. We don't even get the characters names right away. We are inside their heads and know their feelings and thoughts. We get to see them at their strongest and their weakest. We get to experience their journey. We get to cry and cheer. We get a great reading experience.

When you fall in love with a mafia leader, you know there is a danger....but you never truly expect anything to happen...until it does. This is that story, the one we don't want to imagine happening. Can our couple make it to the other side? Or are some atrocities just too much for our minds to get past?
Profile Image for Teresa Juckett (Love Dark Reads) .
2,512 reviews44 followers
September 9, 2018
"Because he knows more than all of us how important it is to let go of the past, cherish the present, and believe in the dreams waiting in our future"

I have to say 5 stars does not do this book justice... Seriously. This is unlike any book I've read before and I've read different genres, but this book is a special kind of dark which is what had me intrigued little did I know what was in store for me. This book had me ugly girl crying in one hand while the other wanting to hit, kick, bite wanting to help. She pulls you into this story from page 1 weaving her story through your mind then in the next breath pulls your heart out and twists. This book had me feeling all the feel's (you'll need the tissues). I think this is probably my favorite of her's and my top pick for 2018. I would highly highly recommend reading it, but just fair warning which it's in the book it does come with triggers.


This is my opinion and my voluntary review
Profile Image for Pudensiana.
596 reviews
September 13, 2018
Dirty, bruised martini by Nikki is my second book by this author and boy did she blow my mind with this book!!!

It’s a dark mafia read but how she presented the story to me was amazeballs...

I read the blurb and thought to myself what the hell? I gotta read this. I read it, and had to take a moment to compose myself because I knew I was in for a ride & I was not disappointed!

Yes it’s a Mafia Romance. Giselle the heroine, Kane the H!!!
I fear the more write, I might give something crucial away..

Would I recommend this book? YES
I absolutely liked it...

Go Nikki!!! 4 Dirty, bruised martini stars!!!
Profile Image for Amy  Crull.
2,443 reviews38 followers
December 31, 2018
This was definitely a different way of telling a story.. It was more haunting and heartbreaking. It was written in a way that you felt what the characters did and you wanted to kill that monster for what he did to her. I mean I was so pissed at the stuff he forced her do.. he deserved everything that was done to him. I have never read a book quite like this but it drew me in and it was hard to put down. It was also nice to see the healing that the characters did. They went thru hell and came out stronger. Sure it took time and a lot of counseling but they did it. I would encourage everyone to read this book and have a open mind about it.
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