Abused: Surviving Sexual Assault and a Toxic Gymnastics Culture

by Rachel Haines

Two-year-old Rachel Haines didn’t know that she would be committing to twenty-one years of hard work, dedication, and perseverance as she jumped into the foam pit during her first “mommy and me” gymnastics class. She had no idea that one day she would become a two-time National Team Member, two-time National Champion, and a Division I college gymnast at the University of Minnesota. Nor could she have known that she had just signed herself up for serious injury, emotional distress, and continuous sexual assault by world-renowned trainer turned serial molester, Larry Nassar.

In Abused: Surviving Sexual Assault and a Toxic Gymnastics Culture, Rachel details her experiences as a competitive gymnast and the painful realities of being one of Nassar’s many victims. With honesty and candidness, Rachel shares how the sport she loved that gave her so much—friendships, accomplishments, a college education—is also tangled in a dangerously toxic culture that needs to be fixed. In a world that was setting her up for a lifetime of recovery, she tells how faith, family, and an army of survivors made healing possible.

Genres: Nonfiction, Sports, Memoir, True Crime, Abuse, Crime, Biography

144 pages, Hardcover

First published April 12, 2019

Reviews

[Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel bad for writing this, but Haines' Abused was kind of lackluster at first. The initial 100 pages felt like one gymnastics competition after another (although it does spotlight just how involving this sport is for teens) and the 'toxic gymnastics culture' of the subtitle does not quite seem apparent.

But when Haines (a.k.a Survivor 195 in court proceedings against physician Larry Nasser) documents her major surgery / recovery from an ignored - courtesy of Nasser - injury, and includes her victim impact statement and also a letter to "my fellow sister survivors" the book really moves to the next level in its final quarter. Haines exhibits astounding maturity as well as a wholly admirable amount of Christian grace and forgiveness. While she experienced something that should not happen to ANYONE I sincerely hope she will thrive from here out (and it sounds like she is blessed with good and understanding parents and boyfriend), and her positive attitude in the finale was very evident.

[Krista · Rating 2 out of 5]

Note: I'm using the GoodReads star rankings (2 equals "okay") and this review is based on a free ARC I received from NetGalley.

I've always imagined writing to an extent like baking: there are times when you just know your work is technically done but not quite ready. In the case of "Abused," this is a book more like wine--I have a feeling it would have been stronger with a bit more time to develop.

What's good: This is elite gymnast Rachel Haines' effort to understand the abuse she suffered at the ends of despicable piece of shit Larry Nassar (let us always refer to him as such) within a broader context of what the title correctly labels "a toxic gymnastics culture." In particular, she details her willingness to continue to compete despite a horrific back injury and the efforts she made to disguise the unspeakable pain she endured.

What's iffier: This is where I think more time would have benefited the author, and I'd love to see her have another look at this manuscript in a decade or two. Currently, it is clear from reading the book that she has more than a little self-anger at herself for her choices, and and an ambivalence toward the sport she hasn't entirely worked through yet.

What I'd like to see more of:
1.) The book is obviously built around the hook of Larry "Piece of Shit" Nassar. That's probably an editor's choice and it is an understandable one, given we still remember his evil. In the bigger picture, though, the real story is the mountain of abuse Rachel endured from the sport as a whole, to the point that she very easily could have partially paralyzed herself. Being subjected to Nassar (Piece of Shit)'s grotesque abuse was a result of this same system which held her mentally prisoner from reporting the agony of her back, or even considering the wisdom of Nassar (Piece of Shit) as her doctor (especially when faced with an array of specialists who disputed his assessment of her back).
2.) Her family is loving and supportive throughout the book. To what extent did her parents participate in this insanity? (Jennifer Sey's autobiography does contemplate her parents' role in looking away from the obvious.)
3.) The book moves very quickly and there are moments where I don't think it really dives deeply enough into the topic it covers; we're more listing what Rachel endured vs. stopping and putting this into a context that ALL gymnasts are somehow dealing with (aka that toxic culture). This is where the book could expand and grow.

Overall, this is a courageous book--the author admits it was difficult for her to discuss the abuse she endured, so to do so within public is quite courageous. It is also revealing, as it feels it was easier for her to endure near-paralyzing pain than discuss the abuse of Nassar the Piece of Shit. I hope in the end it was also a therapeutic book, for both Rachel Haines and those who have walked the same path she has.

[PinkAmy loves books, cats and naps · Rating 2 out of 5]

Gymnast Rachel Haines was one of Larry Nassers hundreds of sexual abuse victims. Now a survivor, she tells her story.

Most of ABUSED tells the story of Rachel’s gymnastics, not her abuse. Though never an Elite, she had an above average career as a Level 10 and a mediocre college career, cut short by injury.

Rachel presents herself as someone who could greatly benefit from therapy to improve her insight and strengthen her recovery. Her writing style is all telling, not showing, including not-so-subtly telling readers how to feel. Some of her criticism about gymnastics could be said for any student going for a sports scholarship. Competition is tough. Pressure is tough. Full rides to college are require that level of competitiveness and scrutiny because student athletes are getting an education worth up to several hundred thousand dollars. Rachel didn’t seem to realize her privilege and implies she would have made different choices, when in earlier chapters she talks about hiding injuries and making choices.

As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I know some of Rachel’s difficulties, particularly realizing what she though was “normal” but uncomfortable was actually abuse. I empathize with her struggles and hope at some point she seeks professional therapy.

I wish Rachel had gotten more distance before writing ABUSED, it would have been a better book.

[Amanda (Books, Life and Everything Nice) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley, Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, and Rachel Haines for an ARC ebook copy to review. As always, an honest review from me.

My rating is 4.5 stars, but since there aren't half stars I always round up.

Like:
- She was able to speak her truth and current perspective of John Geddert. She enjoyed having him as a coach. Many other people have spoken out against his abusive coaching techniques, which I absolutely believe. But the problems of the sport of gymnastics are not one sided, so its good that everyone can tell their story.
- Hearing her perspective of the story (her’s only), not just what we were getting from the media
- I can see this being the first of many books written, by different authors, about the same subject. Finally the world is getting a more complete view of gymnastics - the good and the bad.

Love:
- She’s using her voice to tell her story and speak out against the abuse and toxic culture of the sport.
- Discusses the abuse without being unnecessarily overly graphic, IMO
- Discusses the abusive culture of gymnastics as a whole, because it’s not just one person’s bad actions

Dislike:
- The culture of abuse (physical, emotional, and sexual) that’s been allowed throughout the sport of gymnastics, because of the people in charge not putting athlete safety and well being first

Wish that:
- It was a bit longer. The content is great and the perfect length, but I would have liked to hear more about the sport as a whole and the culture of abuse across multiple gyms. Maybe that’s for another book and I would absolutely read that too.

Overall, a very necessary book about the current culture within the sport of gymnastics. A great read about a difficult topic. I think everyone needs to read Rachel’s story, especially anyone currently or ever involved in the sport.

[J.H. Moncrieff · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rachel Haines told a very different kind of story about gymnastics than we are used to reading/hearing, and one that is not quite what the title implies.

From a young age, Haines was driven to win, and she details how this drove her to greater and greater heights in gymnastics, and how she thrived on the attention she received through her talent.

While she was coached by the infamous John Geddert, she doesn't have a bad word to say about him. Her experience with Geddert and his wife was positive and supportive, according to her. Some may take issue when she notes that gymnasts who were "respectful" were treated well by Geddert, which throws all the girls who were emotional and mentally abused, and at least one who was taken advantage of sexually, under the bus. Guess they just weren't "respectful" enough.

Nassar is mentioned much more briefly, as a hero and a lifeline who was the only doctor who "allowed" her to keep competing with a horrible back injury. Haines eventually realizes the good doctor was anything but, and has to come to terms with both his sexual abuse and the fact he downplayed her injury, presumably so he could continue assaulting her.

So, while there is abuse mentioned, the abuse detailed in this memoir is mostly Haines' own abuse of her body and her mind. She did everything she could to hide her pain and injuries so she could continue competing--by her account, she was never pushed to do this, and both her parents and coaches tried their best to talk her out of pushing herself so hard. Haines' belief that her self worth is tied to her achievements continues to be destructive, but it wasn't always clear if she realizes it's destructive.

It's an easy, quick read, and worth the time, but as other reviewers have mentioned, it includes a fair amount of repetition, not-so-humble bragging, and the faith aspect read like an afterthought, perhaps to make it a "Christian memoir." Those flaws aside, I applaud Haines for finding the courage to tell this very personal story.

[Liralen · Rating 3 out of 5]

One of several recent books that address Nasser's abuse (others including Fierce and What Is a Girl Worth?, and I expect more will follow). Haines is much more direct about it than Raisman was (I got the distinct impression in Fierce that Raisman hadn't planned to mention it at all, but the book was in production when the scandal broke and it would have felt like too big an omission to ignore): this is not a book about good things with some struggles along the way; it is not the sort of book that Haines (or anyone) would have hoped to write; there's athletic triumph throughout the book and judicial and emotional triumph at the end, but there's also a pervasive (and understandable) bitterness about a sport that hasn't always done well at protecting its athletes or prioritising well-being.

I don't think the writing or editing have the strength to take this beyond a specific-time-and-place book (e.g., the term 'three thousand bobby pins' is used in relation to Haines's competition hair at least three times in this slim volume), but I'd still rather see more of these specific-moment books than fewer: more voices joining the chorus, more chances at substantial change.

[Laura Eggen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I admire Rachel's bravery in so openly sharing her story, and commend her for her honesty. It is apparent that she had an extremely unhealthy relationship with the sport that would claim 20 years of her life, to the point that it became her only source of identity. However, in the latter half of the book she emphasizes her growth and how she has been able to distance herself from the sport enough to reclaim her sense of self. She speaks of how this book was her way of gaining "closure" and "closing this chapter" of her life as a gymnast and a survivor of sexual assault. I hope writing this book has helped her achieve that.

[Amy Erickson · Rating 5 out of 5]

An Honest Look at Abuse and Culture

Rachel takes an honest and raw look at the gymnastics culture of pressure and abuse and how it negatively impacted her. She also praises the lessons she learned from being a top notch athlete. Overall this book is a quick, fascinating, heartbreaking, yet hopeful read.

[Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel bad for rating this book only 3 stars, while I appreciated Haines for writing her story as difficult as it was I felt there was more missing. It left a lot to be desired.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I had downloaded this book quite some time ago, not realizing that it was also written by a gymnast who was abused by Larry Nassar. I recently read Rachel DenHollander's memoir on the same topic, so I was interested to see how the two compared. This story was equally as powerful and heartbreaking - but didn't have quite the same caliber of storytelling and writing as Denhollander's. It definitely focused more on the gymnastics side of things as well - which was very interesting for me to read.

[Amy T · Rating 3 out of 5]

This another book which will give the reader a window into the gymnastics' culture prior to doctor Larry Nassar's conviction. The author focuses more on the toll gymnastics physically took on her body and mind and less on the sexual abuse of Nassar...though she endured both over a prolonged period of time. Some of the chapters read at times more like a journal and some of the word choices bordered on "slang." Otherwise it was an easy read and it took a lot of courage for her to write it after everything she went through.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rachel switched her power and determination from the gym to the written word. Writing this book was not only a method of healing for her, but also a way to answer for the reader, "How could this have happened?" Thank you for sharing your story, Rachel.

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s worth mentioning that this book is a gymnastics memoir far more than an abuse memoir—the two are inextricable from one another for her, to be sure, but the focus of 2/3 of the book is on her extreme (and problematic) attachment to achievement within the (toxic) gymnastics world. There’s also a distracting tendency in the first 20 or so pages to repeatedly answer the “will you let your daughter do gymnastics?” question over and over and over and with conflicting answers (and she doesn’t *have* a daughter, which makes it all the stranger). The book reads a bit like an extended Reader’s Digest “It Happened to Me” story, complete with seemingly random “God’s plan” language sprinkled in. As a tale of gymnastics triumph after gymnastics triumph, it is a bit tedious, but the thesis of working too hard through too much pain with (somewhat predictable to any adult reader but unacknowledgable to a young gymnast) terrible physical results comes through. The last third, which reveals the depth of the physical outcomes, details the anxiety and a surgery that results, and finally connects the dots to the sexual abuse as well, is powerful. The book could have used a strong editor and another pass at the language to be a strong book, but as a healing and sharing tale, it does the job—fine if a bit clunkily at the start and pretty well by the end. It’s a courageous story.

[Stefanie Robinson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rachel Hines became another victim of Larry Nassar when she was just fourteen years old. Nassar told her that treatment for her injuries would be healed with "internal massaging" while also recommending that she not get an MRI for what would turn out to be a broken back so he could continue treating her. This man is disgusting. The more I learn about him, the more disgusted I become. Hines discusses why she trusted this man, which makes sense because most people trust doctors, coaches, teachers, and other authority figures. It is shameful that he used his position of power to manipulate and molest girls at will. Hines discusses the trauma she experienced at the hands of this vile creature, and how she worked through it.

If you are looking for a shorter book, this one comes in at about 140 pages. I hate saying books like this are good reads, but it was certainly worth the time it took to read it, especially if you are a fan of gymnastics, or you have a child in the sport. This book provides some warning signs to look out for, while shedding light on a system and culture that is not about the athlete in the way it should be. I applaud Hines for speaking out about this issue, and hope that she is able to continue finding joy and healing in her life moving forward.

[Sabrina · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think at the point Rachel Haines wrote this book, she hadn't had the time and perspective to unpack some of the contradictions she was encountering upon reflecting on her time in gymnastics. Gymnastics gave her the drive to pursue things in the face of doubt, but the system also didn't stop her or protect her from competing with a fractured back or from being abused.

When she said, late in the book, that it was largely based on her journals, that made a lot of sense to me. Journaling is a great way to get out your thoughts and feelings without necessarily needing to do a lot of deep analysis.

I think a really great memoir tackles these sorts of contradictions to find meaning. I don't mean that Rachel hadn't done any analysis of her feelings at the time of writing, but it was still incredibly raw and recent. Time has a way of providing new perspectives and perhaps a deeper understanding of our past.

It's not a bad book, but it lacks some of the depth that she might be able to provide at a later time.

[Becca · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm a huge fan of gymnastics, and always looking for a good tell-all memoir. Rachel Haines' story, particularly her brutal and intimate descriptions of both Larry Nassar's abuse and her complicated journey to admitting that she had been abused at all is powerful and important.
The rest of the memoir, for me, lacked some depth. I have the sense that perspective will help the author make better sense of her experience, but for me, it felt more like a generalized recapping of one meet after the next after the next, with little to distinguish them.

[Rae · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a memoir about a girl´s time as a gymnast. There were a few mentions of Larry Nassar and words of encouragement.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I appreciate the courage and hope it brought healing to its author, this memoir just didn't draw me in for some reason. It definitely is heavy on confessionalism commentary that sounds as though Rachel Haines has been through her fair share of talk therapy with someone-- maybe I would have connected more to the book if the author was a little older, with a little more time passed and life lived to reflect on her experiences with a more adult perspective. Its a more personal and less focused on Nassar than some of the other memoirs published by his victims recently, and that is something that works in the book's favor. I think, actually, that the part of this book that will be most appreciated by its readers is the portrait of competitive gymnastics it offers- realistically tough and kind of inherently unsafe norms that exist in the world of competitive gymnastics are laid bare here- from body injuries to body image to unhealthy coach dynamics to sexual abuse. The commentary on that culture in this book is pretty damning, but it is well-balanced with Haines' perspective about how much she genuinely loved the sport, the feeling of flying, the strength build, the challenge and mastery of new skills, the visualization techniques, the teamwork and sisterhood, and the joy of competing and winning-- it paints a complex picture about how this sport uniquely can simultaneosly build and harm the socioemotional growth of the children who want, desperately want, to dedicate their young lives to it. 3 stars- recommended for gymnastics junkies only.

[Heather Long · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rachel Haines was a dynamic gymnast with the world at her feet (literally). Beginning gymnastics as a toddler, she soon became enthralled with the sport, advancing to levels that could have potentially lead her to the Olympics. As a teenager, though, her world began to spiral when she became a victim of Larry Nassar, the predator who has been found guilty of sexually abusing dozens of young girls. Rachel tells her tale of bravery and heroism, and details the grueling life of a career in gymnastics. Surrounded by immense pressure, physical pain, isolation, and sexual abuse, Rachel was faced with stressors that no young kid should have to go through.

While this was an interesting read and certainly had a lot of potential, Haines does not really delve into the abuse as much as the rigors of the sport. While difficult to read, I would have liked to have been made more aware of what she had gone through as a young girl in such a pressure-cooker of a sport. Interesting, but for me, this was not a must-read. (I believe there is a Netflix movie that closely parallels the book, so I may give that a chance).

[Danielle Russell · Rating 3 out of 5]

I went back and forth on my rating with this one. On one hand, you can't deny the incredible strength and vulnerability Rachel Haines displays in this memoir, detailing her experiences in the sport of gymnastics. It's moving and I commend her for writing this book so openly and honestly. I would hands down give Rachel the 10.0 here.

But I think the book wasn't marketed quite right. While the abuse she endured by Larry Nassar is certainly a significant part of the book, the memoir is also very autobiographical to Rachel's gymnastics career. I did enjoy learning about her history in the sport, I felt that the marketing made it seem like more emphasis would have been on the toxicity that lead to the abuse.

Rachel talks a lot about the sport and her experiences in it, but at times it seemed as though the toxic environment was not easily identifiable, especially if the reader doesn't already have background information on gymnastics.

I will say I have the utmost respect and admiration for Rachel for being able to share these deeply personal stories with readers. I also appreciated that she shared her victim impact statement in the book.

[HollyLovesBooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

You and your fellow gymnasts are truly brave women. This has got to be one of the most appalling and sickening things for our young girls and women to have experienced at the hands of a trusted and experienced professional. This was someone who preyed on young people entrusted to his care in the most vulnerable situations. It is horrendous to imagine that he got away with this behavior at such a high level and so intrusively for so long, but then to also have so many complicit adults surrounding him and protecting him is almost more shocking.
It is sad that it has taken so long and for so many of you to need to come forward and share your stories to get USAG to finally overhaul their outdated culture.
Thank you for your bravery and willingness to put yourself out there. As a mother of a recent Level 7 gymnast, I appreciate the knowledge of learning from your experience. I loved many of the lessons and strengths that gymnastics gave to my child but she has chosen to walk away and pursue other things. Part of me will miss it for her and us, but part of me is glad that she chose this alternative path.
I wish you the best.
#Abused #NetGalley

[Eric Parsons · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book, but I, like others, didn't really see the "toxic gymnastics culture" as alluded to in the book. I was an athlete and what she described for colleges to make a choice for a new athlete to give a scholarship to isn't abusive or toxic, they're doing due diligence. Are the kids young? Yes, but since HS ends right around 18 for most, that's when they have to start. Other kids' parents ARE going to want you to fail since you're competing with their kids. I'm quite certain that my wrestling opponents' parents weren't NOT wanting me to get pinned or to screw up. In fact, the review of meets showed just how supportive her Twistars coach was. The college coaches bickering is also not unusual.

I feel terribly that Ms. Haines went through what she did, the fractures, etc., but this book just wasn't all that well-written.

[Aprille J · Rating 3 out of 5]

This audiobook was good. The narration was good. But it also enraged me. The Geddarts and Rachel’s parents got a free pass with this one. Honestly, anyone who knowingly let Rachel compete with a shattered back contributed to Rachel’s abuse. I get she loved gymnastics. But someone should have sat her down and told her life is more than gymnastics. Parents need to step up and be parents. Do the hard thing and just say no. There’s no reason she should have competed against the advice of so many doctors.

Also, Rachel made it sound like only disrespectful girls got verbal abuse from John. This is not the story that others tell, and makes Rachel sound catty and unkind to her fellow gymnasts.

Still, I enjoyed learning more about college gymnastics, and hearing another perspective on the Nassar scandal.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like every red-blooded American, I was totally gripped by the Larry Nassar scandal. This is a short re-telling of the whole thing from beginning to end by one of the lesser-known but still super relevant athletes. The book is mostly about the toxic culture of gymnastics and ultimately points the finger there to place blame for the extent of Nassar's crimes. Haines does a good job of explaining the ins and outs of the world of gymnastics to an outsider.

Definitely a good read for anyone who, like me, had been following this story and constantly asking "How could this have happened?!" I was really interested to see the Olympics this year and to see what, if anything seemed different from the outside, but I guess we'll have to wait another year.

[Kyle Wendy Skultety (gimmethatbook.com) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC!

This story will grab you and not let you go until you reach the last word. It may even stay with you, with the atrocities and pressure that author Rachel Haines sustained buried deep in the back of your mind.

It is easy to think of gymnasts the same way we consider ballerinas: ethereal, feminine, able to perform superhuman feats of leaping and twisting that doesn’t seem possible. However, the two fields possess a few more similarities that are not so desirable. Both contain instances of eating disorders, perfectionism, toxic cultures….and abuse. In 2018 the prestigious New York City Ballet fired two male dancers after harassment charges had been brought against them. The history of abuse, both physical and sexual, is storied in the ballet world. Men (whether dancers or choreographers) hold all the power, and women are treated as second class citizens.

It seems that men hold all the power in gymnastics as well. Last year the horrific story about Larry Nassar’s hundreds of victims surfaced, which empowered other victims to come forward and share their story of the abusive culture they experienced. Coaches such as John Geddert and Bela Karolyi used their temper to mentally and physically abuse gymnasts under the guise of “encouragement” or to “toughen them up for competition”. The athletes were surrounded by a cloak of silence, looking inward and wondering if they were misreading Nassar’s “treatments”, which included taking pills and/or enduring digital manipulation (internal and external). As time went on, the gymnasts became inured to what was happening to them and accepted it as part of their lot in life. After all, they had chosen to be gymnasts, and to deny or expose this part would result in them being shunned or removed from the environment they knew and loved. As Haines notes, being a gymnast was her reason for living. No matter how painful or stressful it was, she was first and foremost, an elite athlete who performed gymnastics for a living. She knew of no other world, nor did she want to.

As Haines became more competitive, she sustained a horrific injury to her back (it was broken in multiple places) and had to work through pain on a daily basis. Nassar made sure to give her many “treatments” while telling her that while her back was injured, she was still cleared to perform her routines. As time went on, her legs grew numb. Her pre-competition ritual consisted of slathering immense amounts of Icy Hot on her legs, then punching them or cutting them so she would be able to detect a modicum of sensation. As I read further into the book, I was speechless at how she was able to keep performing (check out her videos on YouTube). Once, her legs betrayed her during competition. She bravely took a moment, then got back on the beam to complete her routine. If that is not courage, strength, pluck, bravery, and badassery, then I don’t know what is. Yet, through all of this, she was filled with self-doubt and impostor syndrome. Haines felt like she could never be equal to others and would often compare herself to other gymnasts. This left her wanting to be better, to be worthy, to be deserving.

Women are usually their own worst critics. The pressure Haines put on herself was unbelievable, as her fierce spirit held her in good stead throughout multiple years of practice, excruciating pain, and sexual abuse. Despite all her achievements, Haines still believed she was not good enough. This book will take you through her entire gymnastics journey, the highs and lows, the pain and the victories. It will also give you new respect for Haines and the other gymnasts who had to suffer through Nassar’s years of abuse. Haines bares her soul, her doubts, and her faith in this book, and I am sure it was not an easy task. Looking inward, then speaking out is one of the most intimidating things a woman can do; and Haines showed us her strength and wisdom, even as she confronted Nassar at his trial.

If this story does not move you or fill you with pride at how these women were able to overcome adversity, you had better check your pulse.

[Videoclimber(AKA)MTsLilSis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you Rachel for sharing your story with us. I appreciate the honesty in this story. Some areas of her gymnastics career were positive, others extremely negative. While I find the sexual abuse sickening, I am even more disgusted that Larry Nassar approved and encouraged her to compete with the life threatening injuries she had sustained. I am so glad that he will not continue to be allowed to hurt anyone. I wish Rachel the best of luck throughout her continuing life journey.

*Thank you to Rachel Haines, Netgalley, and the publisher for providing me with an arc of this book.

[Kristen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rachel Haines is an incredible woman. She is so talented, courageous and survived so much. Unfortunately, I felt pretty disconnected from this story. There was too much telling, not enough showing. I wasn't able to develop a relationship with the narrator or any of the characters. In many cases, this felt like a news article with her being quoted. I didn't feel like part of the story or that I was living it with her. Unfortunately, I believe this writing style minimized the abuse that was done to her.

[Chelsea · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have followed the Larry Nassar trial and the subsequent fallout within Gymnastics closely, despite being a new fan of the sport and someone who was never a gymnast myself. I really appreciated the author's introspectiveness about her own experiences and her framings of them both past and present. I feel like I have a clearer understanding of how it was possible Nassar was able to abuse so many people, and also a better understanding of the motivations that drive these elite athletes.

[Geoffrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a brave statement by Rachel. My daughter is in competitive gymnastics and I wanted to hear a story like this from a gymnast's perspective. We will be super careful with who we are around, but do believe Rachel that the structure, pressure, and most of the other stuff is helpful later in life as well. I will put zero pressure on my daughter to win, and if I see her stressing too much, I hope to let her know that giving her best effort is plenty.

[Linda Flores · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was more about her surviving pain from her injury in which she made the choice to keep going. Barely mentioned the abuse of Nassar and made Geddert sound like one of the best coaches yet he himself ended up committing suicide in a rest stop. He was also abusive to the gymnasts, though not sexually but physically in how he apparently treated the gymnasts. I’d change the title of this book to my struggles through injuries as a gymnast