Divorce: Before You Say "I Don't"

by Lou Priolo

This hard-hitting booklet is designed to persuade people who are pursuing divorce -- on other than biblical grounds -- to reconsider their plans. Lou Priolo lays out the consequences of an unbiblical divorce and refutes nine common justifications that he has heard in his many years of biblical counseling. He also addresses the issue of being 'in love' with someone other than one's spouse. The Resources for Biblical Living booklet series addresses a wide range of practical life issues in a straightforward, down-to-earth, and, most of all, biblical manner.

Genres: Counselling

32 pages, Paperback

First published October 5, 2007

About the author

LOU PRIOLO is the Director of Biblical Counseling at Eastwood Presbyterian Church in Montgomery, Alabama. A graduate of Calvary Bible College and Liberty University, he is the author of The Heart of Anger , and The Complete Husband. Lou is also a Fellow in the National Association of Nouthetic Counselors. He resides in Wetumpka, Alabama with his wife, Kim, and daughters, Sophia and Gabriella.

Reviews

[Cody · Rating 5 out of 5]

This tiny little book is directed towards Christians who are considering divorce apart from biblical grounds. It is important to know this book looks to counsel the spouse who is seeking divorce. In dealing with divorce, Lou Pirolo wants the word of God to guide Christian thinking as to what is the best path forward, rather than one relying on their own ideas and emotions.

When one seeks divorce amidst a difficult or unsatisfied marriage, it becomes easy to neglect the clear teachings and promises of Scripture. As humans, we think we understand the path to happiness and what will offer us the least amount of pain in certain circumstances. We think, “God’s design wasn’t for me to be unhappy”, and so ease ourselves into the idea that divorce is justified. Building on to that justification, we rely on the trump card, “God will forgive me”, and fail to adequately consider the many things the Bible has to tell us about navigating hardships in marriage. “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and keep it!” (Lk. 11:28)

In appealing to Philippians 2:12-13, Pirolo argues that working through the troubles in one’s marriage is an example of us working out our faith “with fear and trembling”. Trusting God and being obedient to His Word can in fact be difficult. God works in and through us in His own ways and purposes. In the ways He used specific hardships of Paul to serve others in various afflictions (2 Cor. 1:3-4), so he also uses the hardships of marriage in the same way.

Priolo’s final appeal was particularly challenging in forcing the reader to recognize and embrace the suffering they inevitably will be called to endure in obedience to God’s Word. Ask yourself the question, “Why are you unwilling to suffer for the Lord? Suffering for doing what is right is part of your calling as a Christian.” To suffer for the sake of obedience to Christ is expected as a Christian. If you have the courage to sign documents, ask yourself “why are you unwilling to suffer for the One who suffered so much for you?”

[Blake · Rating 4 out of 5]

It had to be written. This booklet takes on one of the hardest, yet very common issues, that we face in ministry in the church. We know that there are Biblical grounds for divorce that our Lord provided, yet far too often, professing believers are exiting their marriage, way outside the bounds that our Lord gave for issues of divorce. In light of this fact, Lou Priolo takes on the issue of people pursuing divorce on other than biblical grounds. The booklet has been described as hard hitting, and as such, it most likely will lose some from its audience. Priolo is straight forward, candid, and speaks truthfully to this issue. We understand, marriage can be hard. Anytime two sinners are in a close, intimate relationship, there is much potential for sin to run rampant. People can get discouraged, overwhelmed, disheartened, and give up hope that something better is possible in the marriage relationship. And so it is, in the midst of the heartache, disappointment, conflict, etc., one can be faced with the temptation to exit the marriage. Such a decision has been made much easier by the culture that has declined in its high view of the marital relationship and the subsequent low view of the necessity of commitment to the vows one makes. In light of this, Priolo writes this booklet for the person who is on the verge of saying, "I Don't," and exiting the marriage.

Priolo spends the first part of the booklet talking about the consequences one faces if they step outside of the will of God and exit their marriage without biblical grounds. Priolo works to use consequences as a motivation for the reader to stop and truly consider that leaving their marriage may actually not be the best option. He then takes a number of pages to address the various excuses that people provide to justify their unbiblical departure from the marriage. Excuses such as: 1) "My feelings have changed. I've fallen out of love with her"; 2) "That man has killed all the love I ever had for him"; 3) "It is not good for the children to have to live in a home with so much conflict, hatred, and disharmony"; 4) "I'm tired of trying"; 5) "I have peace about it"; 6) "He has lied to me repeatedly. I will never be able to trust him again"; 7) "I cannot continue to live in this constant sate of confusion that this marriage keeps me in"; 8) "I've lived with her for umpteen years, and I know that she will never change"; 9) "My family and friends are all advising me to get out of this horrible marriage"; etc. With each excuse, the author provides Biblical references that address the specifics of the excuse and challenges the reader to reconsider his/her decision. The appendix provides an explanation for the person who has been in an adulterous relationship and challenges the person to consider specific steps to break off the adultery and be reconciled to his/her spouse.

As a whole, I think this booklet can be useful and helpful for a certain type of person. I've used it before in my counseling ministry and some have disagreed forthright and have continued on the path of dishonoring God. Others have stopped and gave true contemplation to what Priolo has said and have stopped pursuing an unbiblical divorce. Some are turned off by Priolo's blunt points yet others who read it, it is just what the doctor ordered.

[Matt Ediger · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is classic Priolo material: concise and practical. This is a helpful little booklet. It offers some sound considerations for those considering divorce.

[Mark D · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very straightforward plea to someone considering an unbiblical divorce, that they would reconsider. Not for a victim of adultery, abandonment, or abuse.

[Maranatha · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot more can be written about divorce. The strength of this book is that it gives biblical no nonsense answers for a number of common excuses for divorce. It seems that the book has a Jay Adam feel to it. The Appendix deals with love triangle (two lovers).

[Jonathan Roberts · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good resource. I recommend it for all married couples who are going through things. It is clear and concise. Also it pulls no punches.

[Lynette Karg · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a helpful resource for those considering divorce, and in evaluation whether that is a Biblical option in the given situation. It is a quick read and a handy resource to have available.