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Act Natural: A Cultural History of Misadventures in Parenting
From a distinctive, inimitable voice, a wickedly funny and fascinating romp through the strange and often contradictory history of Western parentingWhy do we read our kids fairy tales about homicidal stepparents? How did helicopter parenting develop if it used to be perfectly socially acceptable to abandon your children? Why do we encourage our babies to crawl if crawling won’t help them learn to walk?
These are just some of the questions that came to Jennifer Traig when—exhausted, frazzled, and at sea after the birth of her two children—she began to interrogate the traditional parenting advice she’d been conditioned to accept at face value. The result is Act Natural, hilarious and deft dissection of the history of Western parenting, written with the signature biting wit and deep insights Traig has become known for.
Moving from ancient Rome to Puritan New England to the Dr. Spock craze of mid-century America, Traig cheerfully explores historic and present-day parenting techniques ranging from the misguided, to the nonsensical, to the truly horrifying. Be it childbirth, breastfeeding, or the ways in which we teach children how to sleep, walk, eat, and talk, she leaves no stone unturned in her quest for Have our techniques actually evolved into something better? Or are we still just scrambling in the dark?
These are just some of the questions that came to Jennifer Traig when—exhausted, frazzled, and at sea after the birth of her two children—she began to interrogate the traditional parenting advice she’d been conditioned to accept at face value. The result is Act Natural, hilarious and deft dissection of the history of Western parenting, written with the signature biting wit and deep insights Traig has become known for.
Moving from ancient Rome to Puritan New England to the Dr. Spock craze of mid-century America, Traig cheerfully explores historic and present-day parenting techniques ranging from the misguided, to the nonsensical, to the truly horrifying. Be it childbirth, breastfeeding, or the ways in which we teach children how to sleep, walk, eat, and talk, she leaves no stone unturned in her quest for Have our techniques actually evolved into something better? Or are we still just scrambling in the dark?
343 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 19, 2019
201 people are currently reading
1783 people want to read
About the author
Jennifer Traig
22 books38 followersJennifer Traig is a frequent contributor to McSweeney's and The Forward. She is the author of a series of young adult books and a humor book, JUDAIKITSCH. She has a Ph.D. in literature and lives in San Francisco.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 144 reviews
March 11, 2019
4.5 stars
"The word [parenting] only came into common usage about forty years ago . . . like many nouns that became verbs and changed history for the worse -- jam, trip, streak -- this happened in the 1970's. [However,] before that, children weren't 'parented,' but reared, which did not require much anxious philosophical examination. You loved them; you did your best to make sure they didn't die . . . If they kept a handful of their teeth and lived to thirty-two, you'd done your job." -- Jennifer Traig, chapter 1
Darkly humorous but yet actually sort of educational, Traig breezily examines the notable changes in the styles / norms of being a parent in the Western world over the course of hundreds of years. She discusses the authoratative advice from the so-called 'experts' (originally, they were often clergymen or educators who were never married or even parents - ???), the significant evolutions in dietary routine (beer or wine used to be an acceptable water substitute) and children's literature (watch out for Der Struwwelpeter, kiddos!), the at-times chaotic toddler / pre-school years, and other expected stress-inducing experiences like discipline (to spank or not to spank) and sibling rivalry. A lot of this unusual history was just horrifically eye-opening while also being simultaneously grin-inducing.
"The word [parenting] only came into common usage about forty years ago . . . like many nouns that became verbs and changed history for the worse -- jam, trip, streak -- this happened in the 1970's. [However,] before that, children weren't 'parented,' but reared, which did not require much anxious philosophical examination. You loved them; you did your best to make sure they didn't die . . . If they kept a handful of their teeth and lived to thirty-two, you'd done your job." -- Jennifer Traig, chapter 1
Darkly humorous but yet actually sort of educational, Traig breezily examines the notable changes in the styles / norms of being a parent in the Western world over the course of hundreds of years. She discusses the authoratative advice from the so-called 'experts' (originally, they were often clergymen or educators who were never married or even parents - ???), the significant evolutions in dietary routine (beer or wine used to be an acceptable water substitute) and children's literature (watch out for Der Struwwelpeter, kiddos!), the at-times chaotic toddler / pre-school years, and other expected stress-inducing experiences like discipline (to spank or not to spank) and sibling rivalry. A lot of this unusual history was just horrifically eye-opening while also being simultaneously grin-inducing.
March 1, 2019
A funny way to remind yourself that you probably aren't going to mess your kids up too badly
February 4, 2019
Warning: do not read this book in public unless you are fully prepared to explain why you are giggling, snorting, and choking on your lunch. I laughed so much that my kids started asking why I was laughing. But you can't explain to a six year old why it's funny that the author's daughter once woke her up to tell her she could fold a plastic bag. And, while some of the research does repeat itself in various chapters, you don't really mind. Because the author is quoting Bill Bryson, one of the most hilarious nonfiction writers of our time. Well worth almost 300 pages on the history of parenting.
March 11, 2019
Fun to read now that I am all done with this nonsense. A little disconcerting to discover some of the best practice techniques we used in the 80's and 90's are looked on with horror. But, hey, at least I could never bring myself to put my little darlings down at night and let them cry themselves to sleep for an hour, as was recommended at the time.
My parents did better than their parents did, and my husband and I did better than our parents. It all works out.
My parents did better than their parents did, and my husband and I did better than our parents. It all works out.
January 31, 2019
I have no idea if one has to have children to find this entertaining, but holy moly did I like it. Her footnotes were as interesting as the book itself. I wish the chapter on children's literature were a stand-alone. It was so good and interesting.
Also, if you're stressed as a parent, it's good to know things have been weirder and easier and harder, etc. I need this same book written about working adults just to give me perspective on that, too.
Also, if you're stressed as a parent, it's good to know things have been weirder and easier and harder, etc. I need this same book written about working adults just to give me perspective on that, too.
February 28, 2019
Very funny. I laughed out loud many times. And a nice reminder that really none of us know what the hell we are doing.
April 11, 2019
For the literary parent who geeks out over historic texts.
May 15, 2019
Good book on the history of parenting and childhood. It strikes a nice balance between academic and conversational or amusing.
January 21, 2020
This is such a comprehensive (long!) book about the history of parenting that I could imagine it would seem like a snooze fest at first glance. Wrong! Traig's voice, humor and humility permeates the book and turns what could be a textbook into a great read. I highlighted SO much as I read, comforted by the main theme, "The history of parenting is, in large part, a history of trying to get out of it." Some winners:
*
"The problem, of course, is that you’re always starting from zero. Children have not been given a copy of the social contract. They don’t know that we’ve all agreed that a sock is not a Kleenex, and more dangerously, that the phone charger is not a current-conducting bendy straw. Keeping them from killing themselves or anyone else is an endless chore, and to add manners, literacy, a modicum of self-control, and basic human decency to the mix seems like an impossible task."
*
"The disciplinary methods used to instill the desirable behavior are enormously variable, too. Over the centuries, parents have flogged their children and refused to touch them entirely; starved and force-fed them; sent them to bed and kept them up; locked them in and locked them out. I would be jailed for disciplining my children with methods that were considered normal less than a century ago, and the punishments we use now would look to seventeenth-century parents like rewards."
*
This - my favorite of the entire book:
"And even if I did not know, when my dearest dreams became manifest, that there’d be so much laundry, I can’t help but be grateful for a husband and family I did not know I’d get to have, for the mix of nature, nurture, luck, and laziness that let millennia of ancestors survive so we could be here now. I’ll stay up just long enough to appreciate it, before my gratitude mutates into the grievances and worries that preoccupied me through the day. And then I’ll fall back asleep to the thought that things will probably work out just fine, as things tend to do."
*
"The problem, of course, is that you’re always starting from zero. Children have not been given a copy of the social contract. They don’t know that we’ve all agreed that a sock is not a Kleenex, and more dangerously, that the phone charger is not a current-conducting bendy straw. Keeping them from killing themselves or anyone else is an endless chore, and to add manners, literacy, a modicum of self-control, and basic human decency to the mix seems like an impossible task."
*
"The disciplinary methods used to instill the desirable behavior are enormously variable, too. Over the centuries, parents have flogged their children and refused to touch them entirely; starved and force-fed them; sent them to bed and kept them up; locked them in and locked them out. I would be jailed for disciplining my children with methods that were considered normal less than a century ago, and the punishments we use now would look to seventeenth-century parents like rewards."
*
This - my favorite of the entire book:
"And even if I did not know, when my dearest dreams became manifest, that there’d be so much laundry, I can’t help but be grateful for a husband and family I did not know I’d get to have, for the mix of nature, nurture, luck, and laziness that let millennia of ancestors survive so we could be here now. I’ll stay up just long enough to appreciate it, before my gratitude mutates into the grievances and worries that preoccupied me through the day. And then I’ll fall back asleep to the thought that things will probably work out just fine, as things tend to do."
April 11, 2019
This is a phenomenal history of parenting. I learned so many bizarre and fascinating insights into how we took care of children in the past. It's amazing we're alive at all. Here are some interesting bits:
--During Classical Greece and Rome, it was considered completely normal to expose an unwanted infant to the elements. It's estimated that 20-40% of families did so. Aristotle even has a chapter about how to choose what child should be exposed.
--It's only been a recent development that we sleep through the night. Pre-electricity, it was the norm to wake around 1 am and stay up for a couple hours before returning to sleep.
--Until fairly recently, doctors didn't bother to wash their hands before delivering a child, even if they'd just come from doing an autopsy
It just goes on and on. I loved this book. If you like Mary Roach and popular science/history, this is the parenting version.
--During Classical Greece and Rome, it was considered completely normal to expose an unwanted infant to the elements. It's estimated that 20-40% of families did so. Aristotle even has a chapter about how to choose what child should be exposed.
--It's only been a recent development that we sleep through the night. Pre-electricity, it was the norm to wake around 1 am and stay up for a couple hours before returning to sleep.
--Until fairly recently, doctors didn't bother to wash their hands before delivering a child, even if they'd just come from doing an autopsy
It just goes on and on. I loved this book. If you like Mary Roach and popular science/history, this is the parenting version.
November 1, 2019
Pretty awesome read. This really a is a good history of parenting, even though it is skewed towards the weird or horrifying stuff. It gives a good perspective on any sort of "parenting manual" you might ever come across, and it's entertaining as hell. I enjoyed reading this a lot.
April 9, 2020
Hilarious and horrifying look at history of parenting. So much fascinating information and Traig has really funny asides throughout. Very sweet afterword to tie it all together.
August 8, 2019
I was so happy to read another book by the hilarious Traig, this time an entertaining and educational (if somewhat repetitive) history of parenthood. Don't let the size of the book intimidate you; the last 200 pages of the Nook edition are endnotes and citations. The moral of the whole thing seems to be: take every bit of parenting advice you've read with a grain of salt, because it most likely originated with an old, racist, childless white guy.
July 12, 2019
Imagine Mary Roach* writing a book about the history of parenting. Jennifer Traig is that good, and that funny. Laugh-out-loud, reading-parts-out-loud-to-your-husband-while-he's-trying-to-watch-Stranger-Things funny. You don't have to be a parent to thoroughly enjoy this book -- but if you do happen to be one, it will make you feel like Parent of the Year on just about every single page. Traig trains a gimlet eye not only on the parents of the past, but also on herself and her husband. I don't think the book would have worked as well as it does if Traig hadn't been utterly unafraid to admit to her own parenting foibles, and this fearlessness made me want to stand up and cheer for her and for myself.
*As with Roach, do not under any circumstances imagine that you can skip the footnotes.
*As with Roach, do not under any circumstances imagine that you can skip the footnotes.
February 21, 2019
Interesting history tidbits but got repetitive or at least thematically redundant to me. It might be the subject matter's fault, but I feel like the book could have been 25% it's volume and communicated the same ideas effectively.
June 20, 2019
Loved the cultural history and anthropology of all things parenting! She probably picked out some of the crazier bits throughout world history which made it all the more entertaining. Her footnotes and asides had me laughing the whole way through. Easy to read nonfiction that really puts our current parenting advice into perspective. Parents of small children will especially enjoy.
March 5, 2019
Not what I expected but educational and quite funny. Traig investigated parenting throughout history and uncovered some humorous, surprising and unnerving information. She walks us through the many changes from pre-historic parents to the present day. If you thought the Grimm brothers
tales were horrific you may be surprised that American Puritans were equally skilled at providing nightmarish literature. Ultimately, will make most parents feel they are doing a pretty good job.
tales were horrific you may be surprised that American Puritans were equally skilled at providing nightmarish literature. Ultimately, will make most parents feel they are doing a pretty good job.
April 24, 2019
What Bill Bryson did for the home, Jennifer Traig has achieved for the history of parenting. Often really, really funny, Act Natural is always interesting. I particularly enjoyed the chapters on children's literature, discipline and sibling rivalry. Traig reminds us that "priorities and methods change, but the big, big stuff stays the same, and the species continues on, another morning and another evening, and back to bed we go".
March 17, 2019
I'm bereft because the book ended too soon for my taste. It was a wonderful funny and illuminating take on parenting and developmental milestones through the ages. Each chapter explores a different topic: sibling rivalry, discipline, sleep, eating, and my favorite chapter on the birth of children literature and picture books.
February 7, 2019
3.5. The chapter on children's literature got a little overlong (this one's for you, Agnes!), but otherwise this book kept me entertained and smiling on a 13-hour-flight.
February 27, 2019
Darkly hilarious
March 17, 2019
Act Natural is so repetitive. I only want to read about how Benjamin Spock didn't really advocate a permissive parenting style once, but the reader is fed that fun fact in multiple chapters. We know, because we are reading this book! Traig is trying to make all the stories and facts she wants to tell flow into each other, but she needed to use more tidbits to make this style work. Recycled tidbits are annoying and feel borderline condescending.
This book is surprisingly 19th century in format, more a readable narrative of parenting-related historical anecdotes than a real cultural history. If it weren't for the ceaseless repetition I would have given it three stars.
This book is surprisingly 19th century in format, more a readable narrative of parenting-related historical anecdotes than a real cultural history. If it weren't for the ceaseless repetition I would have given it three stars.
August 17, 2019
Delightful. Jennifer Traig presents a lighthearted—and yet thoroughly researched—account of parenting through the ages. Smart and sarcastic and informative.
December 25, 2020
My biggest takeaway is, historically speaking, I'm doing an incredible parenting job.
April 28, 2019
Too long (could've ended after 3 chapters and fully made its point), and the relentless cheeky humor got irritating/grating at times. But the author has certainly done her research. So much of childcare advice in the Western world over the last 2,000 years was--to current sensibilities--completely NUTS. But who knows if the stuff us parents are reading today will one day be considered just as crazy.
Bottom line: Great to see how parenting advice is ideology, rather than scientific fact. And parents have little reason to worry that they're not following the recommended advice of the day!
Bottom line: Great to see how parenting advice is ideology, rather than scientific fact. And parents have little reason to worry that they're not following the recommended advice of the day!
March 6, 2019
This book mostly made me feel gratitude to be me, a parent in 2019 (despite the constant fear of what climate change will do to my kids’ lives). Grateful that I’m not a hyena pushing a FOUR POUND baby out of what Traig describes as a penis. Grateful that formula exists and I was never expected to ship off my child to nursemaids who may or may not have actually nursed him. Grateful that the concept of swaddling now involves organic muslin cloths with cute animal prints, instead of the body binding, soiled casts that actually suffocated babies to death. Grateful that even though my kid is quite picky, at least he eats more than pizza and candy (sorry, Traig).
The book is amusing, at times even enlightening, but delivered in such a chatty way that like many conversations, much of it fades away right after you’ve read it. Traig’s frequent, personal, and sardonic footnotes are funny at first and annoying by the end. Worth a read, if only to get to where most parenting books ultimate end: you’re doing great, mom, you’ve got this. Be grateful you’re you in today’s day and age.
The book is amusing, at times even enlightening, but delivered in such a chatty way that like many conversations, much of it fades away right after you’ve read it. Traig’s frequent, personal, and sardonic footnotes are funny at first and annoying by the end. Worth a read, if only to get to where most parenting books ultimate end: you’re doing great, mom, you’ve got this. Be grateful you’re you in today’s day and age.
February 16, 2019
History with a lot humor. As parent, Professor Traig's book give a lot of insight to parenting throughout history. One of the biggest takeaway from the book is seeing that older generation ideas of children is not out of the blue. Their understanding is based on a long history that has recently transformed.
November 4, 2024
A humorous reminder not to take parenting fads too seriously. The author gives an overview of the history of parenting advice and practices, cherry picked to some extent to find the most outrageous and ridiculous examples. I chuckled at the fact that a lot of early parenting advice was written by men who either didn't have children or were terrible fathers while giving thanks for the fact that we now understand germ theory and medical providers no longer go straight from performing autopsies to delivering babies without washing their hands. A nice reality check that humans have been having babies and raising children for thousands of years and that we are pretty lucky to be living in a time of modern medicine and relative plenty so that we can even worry about the best way to raise a child instead of, you know, just keeping them fed.
February 10, 2019
Bit of a mishmash of topics--food, discipline, sleep doctrine through the ages. Entertainingly written and easy to read.
February 4, 2019
This was hilarious and a ton of fun to read. I did get the feeling that instead of telling a straightforward history she picked out the most ridiculous, shocking, or strange pieces. Which, of course, is why it was so entertaining!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 144 reviews