Failure to Communicate: How Conversations Go Wrong and what You Can Do to Right them

by Holly Weeks

Drawing on her years as a consultant and coach, the author explains why we turn to ineffective tactics when the heat is on, how to avoid the worst pitfalls of difficult conversations, and how to pull yourself out if you fall in, ways to regain your balance and inject respect into stressful conversations, and more.

Genres: Communication, Leadership, Nonfiction, Psychology

236 pages, Hardcover

First published August 19, 2008

Reviews

[Sheehan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good suggestions, some useful examples and strategies for being heard and navigating challenging convos and topics.

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

As Weeks explains in her introductory chapter, "This book offers a system of strategies and tactics to help us navigate the treacherous minefields we may suddenly find ourselves in when we approach and try to get through - rather than avoid - prickly conversations. Strategies are the thinking part of these conversations. Balanced strategies replace the blanking out, gut reactions, and other horrors that slip in when conversations turn tough and ordinary thinking fails. Tactics are the handling part - what we do in the moment when our counterparts, or our own emotions, are giving us trouble." I wish I had a dollar bill for each time I have heard an obviously frustrated person complain that what someone else heard was not the intended meaning of what was said. This is perhaps the most common communication failure and perhaps one of the most common causes of what Weeks characterizes as a "prickly" conversation. The material provided in this book may help some readers to communicate their intended meaning more effectively or correct any misunderstandings. "But its true purpose is to help you handle conversations of an altogether greater magnitude." Weeks then goes on to say, "When people carry a combat mentality, as well as painful emotions, into a conversation with unseen problems, goodwill is not enough to prevent damage on both sides." That's why such conversations are -- or can unexpectedly become -- "prickly." In that event, skills are needed "that will make you a better colleague, a better leader, and a better human being." Moreover, these skills must be applicable to whatever the specific circumstances may be.

[E · Rating 5 out of 5]

Instructive guide to constructive conversations

You’re leading a routine department meeting when all of a sudden you are under attack. Your first instinct is either to negotiate a withdrawal or to fight back with every weapon in your verbal arsenal. Destructive, winner-take-all word wars happen daily in conference rooms around the world, wiping out reputations, relationships and self-esteem. Communication expert Holly Weeks analyzes what goes wrong in these confrontational conversations and provides strategies you can use to converse productively without engaging in vocal warfare. Her generous use of real-life examples clearly illustrates where conversations turn injurious and how using her proactive tactics can help. If you’ve ever felt the sting of a poisonous barb or the slash of a cutting remark, getAbstract recommends this book as the perfect salve.

[Nick · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a good manual filled with tips on how to handle conversations gone wrong. There's nothing astonishing here; it's all about keeping calm, seeing the other person's point of view, and finding middle ground. But it's good stuff and there are lots of useful examples. Should be on your shelf with Difficult Conversations, and Getting to Yes.

[Tom · Rating 2 out of 5]

Pretty good but basic stuff. Key points

1. Bring respect to a conversation
2. Emphasize the other persons's point of view
3. Don't let your emotions get involved.

Read the book for more detail and lots of examples.

[Starfire · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book wasn't easy reading, but I did find it worth the effort. It walks the reader through tactics to deal with really tough conflicts - usually work-based, although I suspect it could work well in non-work settings too.

[Lori Grant · Rating 4 out of 5]

A should-read book on improving your business communication skills.