Naked

by David Sedaris

Welcome to the hilarious, strange, elegiac, outrageous world of David Sedaris. In Naked, Sedaris turns the mania for memoir on its proverbial ear, mining the exceedingly rich terrain of his life, his family, and his unique worldview—a sensibility at once take-no-prisoners sharp and deeply charitable. A tart-tongued mother does dead-on imitations of her young son's nervous tics, to the great amusement of his teachers; a stint of Kerouackian wandering is undertaken (of course!) with a quadriplegic companion; a family gathers for a wedding in the face of imminent death. Through it all is Sedaris's unmistakable voice, without doubt one of the freshest in American writing.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Memoir, Essays, Short Stories, Comedy, Biography

304 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 1997

About the author

David Raymond Sedaris is an American humorist, comedian, author, and radio contributor. He was publicly recognized in 1992 when National Public Radio broadcast his essay "Santaland Diaries". He published his first collection of essays and short stories, Barrel Fever, in 1994. His next book, Naked (1997), became his first of a series of New York Times Bestsellers, and his 2000 collection Me Talk Pretty One Day won the Thurber Prize for American Humor.
Much of Sedaris's humor is autobiographical and self-deprecating and often concerns his family life, his middle-class upbringing in the suburbs of Raleigh, North Carolina, his Greek heritage, homosexuality, jobs, education, drug use, and obsessive behaviors, as well as his life in France, London, New York, and the South Downs in England. He is the brother and writing collaborator of actress Amy Sedaris.
In 2019, Sedaris was elected to the American Academy of Arts and Letters.

Reviews

[Joeji · Rating 4 out of 5]

On the inside of this book, David Sedaris signed it and wrote, "Joe, I am so happy you're alive."

He then proceeded to write in my girlfriend at the time's book, "You can do better."

[Marty Reeder · Rating 1 out of 5]

About a third of the way through David Sedaris's book, I wondered how I had not heard of this guy before. This guy was funny. No, not just funny, he was really funny. He didn't just make me laugh while reading his book, he made me cry I was laughing so hard. So why, why had I not heard of someone so side-splittingly funny? A couple chapters later, I understood why. A few more chapters after that and Naked went into a dive bomb. While there were some redeeming moments near the end, he never fully recovered and I returned the book from whence it came with a sigh, thinking of what could have been.

So what went wrong? Let me tell you first what went right. The moments where David was a kid and shared stories about his experiences growing up; those were the priceless moments, those were the hilarious, tear-inducing scenes that were impossible not to enjoy. His description of his sarcastic mom, his crazy grandma, his golf-obsessed dad with mutilated friends were priceless. They were characters you could like and laugh at, at the same time. Then comes stories from Sedaris's college days and afterwards, and you begin to think, "You know, I don't really like this guy." And it is hard to laugh with a guy that you end up not liking. This is a guy who is an unapologetic drug abuser, uses obscenities with graphic language and descriptions, takes advantage of people, looks down on others. Some of these he tempers with a measly sentence at the end of a chapter showing that he has since learned better, but you don't believe it. It doesn't feel sincere, especially in the way he has written it. There are aspects of his childhood self that linger and allow you a view of the Sedaris that you miss, but alas, they are only glimpses.

It was with great effort that I finished Naked, and it was with a bitter taste in my mouth. If I could chance to read more from Sedaris's childhood, I might venture back into those waters, but until then I will avoid him and think of what might have been.

[Kelly (and the Book Boar) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Find all of my reviews at: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/

Here’s a dramatic reenactment of me in the car going to hell Wal-Mart with the husband while simultaneously trying to describe my feelings about David Sedaris . . . .



Ever since I finally got brave enough to attempt audiobooks several months ago, I’ve methodically been revisiting Sedaris’ work. If you haven’t experienced his stuff before, I’m telling you audio is the way to go and Naked is David Sedaris at his best. From being a little kid with O.C.D. in a time where such behavior was dismissed as “quirky,” to a young man living at a nudist colony, to his mother’s cancer diagnosis - Naked will have you laughing until you cry and crying until you laugh. An added bonus is his sister Amy lends her voice to some of the selections as well. Talk about my fantasy audible ménage à trois. The only thing better than the Sedaris siblings? Their mother. Several years ago I used to wish I could be her when I grew up. Now I’m thinking my wish came true which I think is awesome, but probably terrifies my family.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm being told that this is funny... but so far all I want to do is gather David Sedaris into my arms and rock him back and forth and tell him everything is okay.

Okay, finished. Is it really supposed to be funny? I found myself pretty saddened by most of the stories. He's got a great writing style and I definitely felt pulled into each of the stories, but I think I felt more empathetic than anything.

Especially in "C.O.G":

I didn't want to quit my job. Quitting involved a certain degree of responsibility I didn't want to assume. Rather, I hoped that Jon might remove that burden and dismiss me as soon as possible. I had felt contempt for him, even occasional hatred, and now I was fighting the urge to feel sorry for him. He must have known it, and clearing his throat he proceeded to cut me off at the pass.
"Let me tell you a little something," he said finally. "I don't appreciate being used. I'm not talking here about all the free coffee and rides I've given you. I mean used in here." He meant to point at his heart but, swerving to pass another car, wound up gesturing toward his lap instead. "You're a user, kid. You used my tools and my patience and now you want me to pat you on the head and tell you what a good little boy you are. But you know what? You're not a good boy. You're not even a good girl."
More, I thought. More, more

There's definitely similar themes in each story. He has low self esteem, he sees himself as weak and effeminate and hardly useful. He has strong ties to his family, although he isn't exactly sure why. Sure, they are told with a whimsical air, but I couldn't help but pick up on the self hatred and run with it. Maybe it's where I feel in my own life, but at the end of each story I reflected on his assessments and had to stop myself from breaking down.

In 'Naked' someone asks him the question 'What if everybody in the world were allowed one wish, but in order to get it, it meant they'd bave to crawl around on their hands and knees for the rest of their life?'

His observation:

If I could have the face and body of my dreams, what good would it do me if I had to walk around like an animal? Mabe if I were to wish for happiness, I wouldn't mind crawling -- but what kind of a person would I be if I were naturally happy? I've seen people like that on inspirational television shows and they scare me. Why did I have to think about this in the first place?

I enjoyed his stories and I will most likely read more but I'll have to up my anti-depressant dosage first.

[Tara · Rating 3 out of 5]

David Sedaris is an adorable little sassmouth. His idiosyncratic brand of humor possesses many fine, laudable traits; it is by turns indecently irreverent, snotty, crude, painfully neurotic, silly, self-deprecating, and even downright morbid. Unfortunately, this collection of autobiographical essays just wasn’t as consistently funny and entertaining as his other books. The first half was genuinely hilarious, and reading it frequently led to uncontrollable giggling and explosions of loud, rambunctious laughter. The second part, however, had so many strained, awkward jokes that I spent most of the time cringing with embarrassment on their behalf; the poor things were trying way too hard.

If you want top-shelf Sedaris, I’d recommend starting with either Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim or perhaps Me Talk Pretty One Day, both of which provide much stronger examples of his distinctively snarky, sardonic wit.

I’ll leave you with this excerpt, which duly notes the intrinsic futility of attempting to read a book on a crowded cross-country bus, surrounded by aggressively opinionated hillbillies with no real conception of boundaries or personal space:

“Books offered no relief. Failing to act even as a shield, their presence attracted everything from mild curiosity to open hostility.

‘You think you’re going to learn something from a book?’ said the man sitting next to me. ‘Let me tell you a little something, bookworm, you’ll learn more on this goddamned bus than you would in a whole…’ He paused, attempting to recall the name given to such a place. ‘You’ll learn more here than in a whole pyramid full of books. You could fill a racetrack with every piece of shit ever written, but you’ll learn more right here.’

Having never seen a racetrack full of books, I thought it premature to contradict him.”

[Jay Schutt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read quite a few humorous memoirs in the past, but let me tell you, none of them can compare to the riotous, and I mean riotous, memoir by author, David Sedaris.
Sedaris lays himself bare, and I do mean bare in the literal sense, in this wide-open collection of 17 essays about his life's experiences, his family and acquaintances. Nothing is held back.
If you're looking for something to get you out of your reading rut, I highly recommend this hilariously entertaining book for a change of pace. It's really laugh out loud funny.

[Fereshteh · Rating 5 out of 5]

!!!! تموم شد؟ باور کنم؟ چه قدر طول کشید.. خدایا شکرت


این کتاب سداریس رو هم دوست داشتم. طی خوندنش همیشه یه لبخندی روی لب هام بود بعضی جاهاش هم که لبخندهای ملیح تبدیل به قهقهه می شدند. کتاب شامل 17 داستان از خاطرات نویسنده است که به زبان طنز مطرح شده و کاملن منطبق بر لایف استایل امریکاییه

تعداد زیادی از داستان ها به شغل هایی می پردازه که دیوید قبلن تجربه کرده.شغل هایی که مبهوتتون میکنه:کارگر چیدن سیب از درخت ، کارگر کارخانه ی بسته بندی سیب ، داوطلب کمک تو بیمارستان روانی ، نیروی کمکی خوابگاه دانشجویان معلول ، سیاهی لشکر صحنه ی تئاتر، نقاشی ساختمان،رنگ و روغن کاری و سایل چوبی ، کارگر باربری و هزار جور کار عجیب غریب دیگه

یه مورد جالب دیگه هم اشاره ی زیاد به فرهنگ
Hitchhiking
یا مسافرت مفتی با ماشین های گذری تو امریکا بود...که خب گاهن به قیمت جون شخص هم حتی میتونه تموم شه

توصیف روابط دیوید با پدرش،مادرش و خواهرها و برادرش هم جالب بود.هر کدومشون یه اخلاق های خاص دوست داشتنی داشتند..من خیلی این توصیفات روابط خانوادگی رودوست داشتم.بوی صداقت می داد:دی

بعضی داستان ها طوری نوشته شدند که به جای این که نویسنده رو به جای شخصیت اصلی ببینم، خودم رو می دیدم...تلنگری به رفتارها و واکنش ها و حرکات خودم زده میشد... که خب طبیعتن خنده هام در این موارد به شدت تلخ می شدند

متاسفانه شش داستان کتاب که به طریقی به هموسکشوال بودن سداریس اشاره داشتند، تو ترجمه ی فارسی حذف شدند...شش داستانی که به نظرم خیلی خوب بودند و حذفشون به کیفیت کلیت کتاب لطمه می زنه

[Jason Koivu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Naked David arrived first, but it was Holiday David who made the NPR splash. Those of us in the front row received the full facial and were covered David the Elf's funk. I've still got Sedaris stank all over me and I'm loving it!

While Holiday took a step back from unadulterated intimacy, Naked (and Barrel Fever) begins the unveiling of David Sedaris' inner, most personal life. It has all the markings of an early work, feeling like a skeletal version of Me Talk Pretty... or Dress Your Family..., a funny skeletal version mind you, but incomplete and fragmentary nonetheless.

Sedaris does not delve so deeply, mining the depths of his own existence to locate the funny bone, as he does in later works. His comedic flair has not yet fully caught fire. Even so, Naked presents some of the author's important first steps. Some are funny. Some are endearing. Some are tentative. Some are not pretty. All can be enjoyed by fans for what they are, a good beginning.

If I could, I would rate this 3.5 stars, because the story-to-story quality ranges from 3 to 4. I'm feeling generous, so I've clicked the "4 stars" option. If you're a newcomer, you might want to start with Dress Your Family... though.

[Peter · Rating 2 out of 5]

According to many Goodreaders this is a hilarious memoir by humorist, comic, and author David Sedaris. I read the first few chapters and didn’t laugh once. Someone trying too hard to be witty and clever was my impression. What was I thinking reading a pseudo memoir by someone I don’t know from Adam! I gave up around halfway through.

[Beverly · Rating 4 out of 5]

My favorite Sedaris book.

[Jessaka · Rating 1 out of 5]

Put On Some Clothes Sedais


My word! Get in this house right now David and put on your clothes, and if you say anything else that is foul mouthed out there on the streets or even in my house, I will wash your moth out with soap. And I can tell you right now, you won’t like it.

Don’t we have enough vulgarity in our society today with everyone thinking it is okay to no longer be political correct?

You think it is funny? Red Skelton once said that he saw so reason to use vulgar language in order to be funny. He is right that there is no use for it, but it isn’t funny. Never was.

And who have you been hanging out with in order to be able to make fun of foul mouthed, low life people? It isn’t funny to joke about them either. They ain’t funny. And furthermore, what kind of business would allow your mouth in the room, some seeding cocktail lounge in the dangerous section of a city? I dind’t raise you like this.

I know you comedians like to let down your hair sometimes when you aren’t on camera. Geesh, I had to even turn off Trevor Noah for his nasty hand gestures, but then latter one she quit them. I know because I tuned in one day, and he wasn’t doing them anymore. Someone must have told him that the hand gestures were not funny, so I watch him now. And if you want to be famous like Trevor Noah, be on a late night talk show, you had better clean up your mouth. Yes, put on some cothes. They go a long way to covering up flaws.

¬

[kian · Rating 5 out of 5]

«عقيده پدرم اين بود كه هيچ چيز به اندازه كار بعد از مدرسه شخصيت آدم را نميسازد. خودش با سورتمه، روزنامه ميفروخته و خواروبار تحويل مردم ميداده. حالا ببين عجب آدم موفقي شده! من و خواهر بزرگترم ليسا، نتيجه گرفتيم بايد از هر كاري كه شخصيت پدرمان را شكل داده تا حد امكان دوري كنيم! گفتيم: ممنون! ولي نميخواهيم!
براي اينكه آتش اشتياقمان را شعله‌ور كند، پول توجيبي‌مان را قطع كرد و در عرض چند هفته، من و ليسا مجبور به كار در كافه ترياها شديم...»

«سداريس» رو با اين كتاب شروع كردم و خيلي صميمي، شوخ‌طبع و خودماني يافتمش! مثل دوستي است كه آن قدر برايتان حرف و خاطره براي تعريف دارد كه اصلا از بودن با او خسته نمي‌شويد :)

[Gypsy · Rating 3 out of 5]

این کتاب برا من یه نوستالژی بامزه‌ای داره. آخرهاش بودم، توی اتوبوس از مسیر دانشگاه تا خونه‌مون. پاشدم که پیاده بشم، یه نفر گفت ببخشید عزیزم! برگشتم دیدم یه خانمیه، میانسال‌طور. گفت می‌تونم کتابتو ببینم؟ و خیلی از اسمش خوشش اومده بود. گفت ینی بچه‌های ما بزرگ شن ازینا می‌نویسن؟ گفتم نه این یه حالت مجموعه یادداشت داره. همه‌شون محوریت اینطوری ندارن. و زود پیاده شدم چون دیگه رسیده بودم.

مهشاد گفته بود تعجب کرده ملت چطور اومدن گفتن ما با این کتاب قهقهه زدیم. منم موافقم، منم هیچ‌جاش قهقهه نزدم. آره یه جاهاییش بامزه بود و کلاً طنز سداریس رو خیلی دوست دارم، ولی اینطوری نیست که منفجر شم دیگه. :دی ینی به‌نظرم لزومی هم نداره طنز اینطوری باشه. سداریس خوب می‌نویسه، خودِ نوشتارش هم جذاب و خواندنیه. بنابراین حتماً لازم نیست باش قهقهه بزنی تا بگی وای خیلی باش حال کردم. ولی خب خیلی‌ها هم این حالت رو داشتن، پس نشون می‌ده سداریس خوب می‌دونه ملت از چیا خنده‌شون می‌گیره. جالب اینکه مخاطب امریکایی و ایرانی هم فرقی نداره انگار. اینا همه قدرت نویسنده‌ست.

ریویوها اون‌قد خوب بودن که هرچی بخوام بگم حرف بقیه‌ست. بااینکه دوستش داشتم ولی اون‌قد کامل نیست که بهش پنج یا حتی چار بدم.

[Farnoosh Farahbakht · Rating 3 out of 5]

داستان ها اونقدر صادقانه نوشته شده که وقتی کتاب رو می خونید کاملا احساس می کنید که یه دوست صمیمی داره با بیانی طنزآمیز از خاطراتش در مورد خانواده، دوستانش ،دوران دانشجویی و سفرهاش براتون تعریف می کنه.کتاب شامل 11 داستانه که ظاهرا در ترجمه چند داستان از نسخه اصلی به دلیل اشاره به تمایلات همجنسگرایانه "سداریس" حذف شده، شاید حذف این داستان ها به کیفیت کتاب لطمه زده باشه چون کتاب رو برای من که تجربه خوندن "بالاخره یک روز قشنگ حرف می زنم" رو از سداریس داشتم در سطح پایین تری قرار میده

[Jonathan K (Max Outlier) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Put simply this is another of David's hilarious memoirs filled with outrageous characters, situations and commentary. If you've yet to read his stories, do yourself a favor and indulge. Whether his family, friends or neighbors, he invites the unusual into his life in ways never imagined!

[Tom · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maybe part of my problem with the book is that I first read the back cover, which told me two things that I didn't find to be true:

1. This book is side-splittingly hilarious
2. It turns the "mania for memoir on its proverbial ear."

Sure, maybe it's not fair to judge the book based on my preconceptions, but there's some merit to this I think.

First, my sides are completely unsplit. I laughed a few times, found some things whimsical, and did find a few lines to be very funny. But a lot of the jokes fell flat to me and sounded like watered-down Rick Reilly goofiness, and I don't get into Rick Reilly so much. It's pretty obvious even without the hype that one of the book's main goals is to make the reader laugh, but I guess I found the humor limited. There's a lot of one-note humor (maybe a little too smirky sometimes?), and, more importantly, there's a lot of retreating behind witty wordplay or Tonight Show one-liners during moments of great tension. Sometimes the humor undermined the interesting action of the essays/stories, rather than allowing the author to explore some issues more deeply and/or to offer some more insight.

Second, I don't see how this turns anything on its ear. I mean, the actual details of the plot are different from some memoir, but it covers some pretty well-traveled ground (homosexual awakening at summer camp, dealing with mom's cancer, etc.). And that's fine too. But I felt like a) there's an unfulfilled promise (which probably isn't Sedaris' fault, but still) and b) he could have wrung more out of the material than he did.

All that said, I liked the book. 3 stars isn't a bad rating, I think. It's just that there's not a lot of stuff here I think I'm going to remember for very long. I read it, I enjoyed it, and now it's done.

[Calista · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good chuckle. The beginning with his neuroses was not all that funny, but then once he starts talking about his family - cracks me up. David took a trip to Greece with some good material. But the best part of the story is the nudist colony he goes too. I lost my mind laughing. That tickled me.

I do enjoy reading David and I need to read more of his books. He is such a joy to see how he sees the world. The world through his eyes is so interesting and he never seems to run out of material.

[Dana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quality writing as I have come to expect from David Sedaris. Love his wit and dark humour. Can't wait to read another. I have started the habit of reading snippets of David Sedaris books in between book slumps and it has really helped! Great boredom breaker.

Buy, Borrow or Bin Verdict: Buy

Check out more of my reviews here

[Tracy P. · Rating 4 out of 5]

In Naked Sedaris focuses on his pre-fame child and young adulthood.
David's dry humor, observations and self-deprecating reflections on his upbringing are insightful, moving and always filled with hilarity.
Additional bonus: Amy Sedaris (his sister) co-narrates and truly makes this listen a family affair. Amazing.

[Heidi (on slight hiatus) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Laugh out loud reading... great tales about an interesting family from one of the funniest essayists around... thank you NPR for turning me on to David Sedaris!

(Reviewed 3/18/21)

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Let's start off with the cover. Magnificence. In hardback the shorts are adjustable, and if you pull them up over the title you will see an x-ray of legs. I assume, since Mr. Sedaris is so willing to sacrifice himself at the altar of humor, that those thin white bones are his own. Genius.

Visiting a nudist trailer park in the name of research, really, the man is so selfless. Licking light switches, wiping his face on towels soiled with excrement...and it doesn't stop there. Why this is funny I can't explain. But it is. The wrongness is just so right.

One story in the collection stands out to me because it has more than self-deprecating humor. It is the story that chronicles his sister's wedding and his mother's slow decline into death. I suspect many readers of Sedaris are bigger fans of his mother than he is, and I cannot deny that I am a part of that crowd. The drinks, the caustic retorts, the ability to laugh at your child who can't walk into a room without caressing lampshades, the humane hospitality of welcoming a whore into your living room with Christmas cheer- the woman was the sinner's saint. Although some might argue with me, I can and will now provide proof that the woman didn't do so bad. Behold--

Exhibit A: The writer, David Sedaris

Exhibit B: The feisty whirlwind of talent, Amy Sedaris. Yes, I am biased.

Because of the late Ms. Sedaris, I can now with full confidence tell my children when they complain, "Just think of the material I'm giving you for your memoirs!"

[Alan (the Lone Librarian) Teder · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Naked Sedaris
A review of the Back Bay Books paperback (1998) of the Little, Brown & Company hardcover original (1997).

I didn't do individual story ratings but it ranged from 3's for the front end up to 5's for the back end. The early stories about the Sedaris kids as youngsters often seemed so extreme that they had to be fiction, whereas the latter ones felt more like present-day Sedaris with his observations on people and events. So a 4-star compromise that I still "Really Liked It"!

I came upon Sedaris about halfway through his writing career and missed most of the early books. This was a catchup that I could do thanks to a I Spy 21 game with several GR Friends. The ones with quotes transcribed below were my overall favourites.

1. Chipped Beef David Sedaris looks back at a time in his youth when he fantasized about being adopted by a rich family in order to get away from his parents.

A photograph of the Sedaris siblings in their younger years, clockwise from top left: Gretchen, Lisa, David, Tiffany, Paul, and Amy. Image sourced from The New Yorker. TW if you click through to the article, as suicide is discussed.

2. A Plague of Tics Sedaris looks back at his school years when he was subject to an overwhelming number of OCD tics of touching or licking objects.

3. Get Your Ya-Ya’s Out! Sedaris looks back at his memories of his father’s mother who was nicknamed Ya Ya by the rest of the family.

We would pass the afternoon at Ya Ya’s table, eating stringy boiled meat served with spinach pie. The food tasted as though it had been cooked weeks beforehand and left to age in a musty trunk. Her meals had been marinated in something dank and foreign and were cooked not in pots and pans, but in the same blackened kettles used by witches.

4. Next of Kin The discovery of a salacious book leads to the sexual awakening of Sedaris and his sisters, until their mother confiscates it.

5. Cyclops Starts with a story of how Sedaris’ father once shot out the eye of his friend with a bb-gun. It goes on with stories of various people who had severe injuries.

6. The Women’s Open Sedaris’ father insists on taking David and oldest sister Lisa along to golf tournaments or as his caddies at his own golf games. They begin to hate the game of golf.

7. True Detective About Sedaris mother’s & sister Lisa’s obsessions with TV detective shows. Various thefts occur in the Sedaris home and young David investigates.

8. Dix Hill 14-year-old Sedaris volunteers at the local mental institution while sister Lisa volunteers as a candy-striper at the local hospital.

9. I Like Guys As he is about to graduate from 8th grade, David is aware of being homosexual and tries to hide it as much as possible. A high school trip to Greece for Greek American students aggravates the situation.

10. A Drama Bug David catches the theatre bug and especially the Shakespeare bug and starts speaking in Elizabethan English around the house, while also having a small role in local theatre. This one had me LOLing the most, especially at the faux-Elizabethan English.

"Perchance, fair lady, thou dost think me unduly vexed by the sorrowful state of thine quarters," I said to my mother as I ran the vacuum cleaner over the living room carpet she was inherently too lazy to bother with. "These foul specks, the evidence of life itself, have sullied not only thine shag-tempered mat but also thine character. Be ye mad, woman?"

11. Dinah, the Christmas Whore The Sedaris family is celebrating Lisa’s 18th birthday which was just before Christmas when a telephone call has her rushing out of the house taking David in tow. She saves Dinah, a cafeteria work colleague, from domestic abuse and brings her home to the birthday party. Dinah is also apparently a prostitute and the kids question her with glee.

“A whore,.” I whispered. “That lady is a whore..” I'm not certain what reaction I was after, but shock would have done quite nicely.
Instead my mother said, “Well, then, we should probably offer her a drink.”
...
“Which do you like better,” my sister Amy asked, “Spending the night with strange guys or working in a cafeteria? What were the prison guards REALLY like? Do you ever carry a weapon? How much do you charge if someone just wants a spanking?”
“One at a time, one at a time,” my mother said. “Give her a second to answer.”

12. Planet of the Apes After a Planet of the Apes movie marathon, David catches the hitchhiking bug and proceeds to catch rides all over Raleigh, N.C. Later in life he hitchhikes across the country from New York to California, often inventing life stories to tell the drivers until one fateful night he is picked up by a dangerous character.

13. The Incomplete Quad More hitchhiking tales, this time with a college roommate who is a paraplegic. David brings her along on a trip home to Raleigh N.C. and his mother reacts by saying to him:

”I don’t know what kind of a game you’re playing, mister, but you ought to be ashamed of yourself.”

14. C.O.G. A very long story for Sedaris, 50 pages. Starts off with stories of troublesome seatmates on long Greyhound bus rides. It then goes into a story of seasonal apple picking in Oregon, at first with friend Veronica, but then David solo. Eventually he joins up with someone calling himself a Child of God (i.e. The C.O.G. of the title) cutting and polishing jade stones into shapes resembling the outline of the State of Oregon as a base mount for clock timepieces. The plan is to sell them at a pre-Christmas arts & crafts market, which doesn’t work out as planned.

15. Something for Everyone David tries to get a job painting the apartment of a pair of athletically minded seniors. When that falls through, he has to resort to taking on a small apartment building refinishing / refurbishing job for a real estate developer who was originally from Lithuania. The lady has anti-semitic views.

I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.

16. Ashes Sister Lisa is getting married, but mother Sedaris is dying of cancer.

17. Naked David is shamed into going to a nudist trailer park (don’t call it a colony!) when Hugh (Is this the same Hugh who appears in the later books?) calls him fat and overweight. He hopes to improve his body image and self-confidence.

I had imagined tree-shaded bungalows paneled in knotty pine. That to me, is the essence of the word colony.
This place was, instead, a nudist trailer park.
"We don't use the word colony anymore because it's too spooky. No, what we have are trailers ..."
He'd lost me way back. How was the word colony spooky, but not trailer or even nudist for that matter?

Soundtrack
In honour of story #3, this had to be The Rolling Stones Get Yer Ya-Ya's Out (1970), one of the greatest live albums ever made. Listen to it on YouTube here or on Spotify here.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can't get enough of this guy; his books are what I would imagine crack would be like, had I ever tried crack. Which I haven't.
Seriously -- I just sit and read and laugh, read and laugh. He's just so damned candid about things. For example, the story of how he was sent to Greece for Greek-American summer camp as a teenager:

"If my sister was anxious about our trip, she certainly didn't show it. Prying my fingers off her wrist, she crossed the room and introduced herself to a girl who stood picking salvageable butts out of the standing ashtray. This was a tough-looking Queens native named Stefani Heartattackus or Testicockules. I recall only that her last name had granted her a lifelong supply of resentment.
...
"Camp lasted a month, during which time I never once had a bowel movement. I was used to having a semiprivate bathroom and could not bring myself to occupy one of the men's room stalls, fearful that someone might recognize my shoes or, even worse, not see my shoes at all and walk in on me. Sitting down three times a day for a heavy Greek meal became an exercise akin to packing a musket." (87-88)

[Anne · Rating 3 out of 5]

In my Sedaris marathon this book was my least favorite. Perhaps it was because it was the earliest of the 5 books that I read. It's interesting to see how a writer develops. Many of the elements that he would develop further and into longer and funnier works were all there, but in embryo. I like the poignance of his family stories as well as learning about his earlier life and his college years (though his rocking had me worried for a while, though) but I didn't really find anything particularly hilarious. Odd and zany, yes (as Jill H wrote); but I appreciated the way he was able to mix in humorous with the poignant and the bizarre in Me Talk Pretty One Day and Calypso.

[امیر · Rating 5 out of 5]

خیلی از شخصیت یایا خوشم اومد. کتاب خوبی بود کلی خندیدم.

[کافه ادبیات · Rating 4 out of 5]

اين دومين کتابيه که از سداريس با ترجمه پيمان خاکسار ميخونم و برعکس يکي دو نفر از دوستان به نظرم ترجمه خوبي هم داره ،البته هنوز ترحمه هاي ديگه اي نديدم ولي بايد گفت اين کتاب و همچنبن کتاب قبلي رو نبايد با رمان يا مجموعه داستان کوتاه يکي دونست ،به نظر مياد اينها شبه خاطراتي هستند که ممکنه در زندگي همه ماها پيش بياد ولي هنر واقعي اينه که بتونيم همين اتفاقات به ظاهر ساده را با زباني شيرين خوندني کنيم و سداريس تو اين زمينه واقعا به نظرم استاده،از اون کتابهايي ست که موقع خوندنش چندين بار با صداي بلند خنديدم و به نظرم مترجم چنين کتابهايي خودش هم بايد استعداد نوشتن طنز رو هم داشته باشه ،حجم کم کتاب و موضوعاتش که زياد ارتباطي به هم ندارند خوندنش را خيلي راحتتر و جذابتر ميکنه...

[Elham 8 Azimi · Rating 4 out of 5]

سداریس رو با کتاب «بالاخره یه روزی قشنگ حرف می زنم» شناختم. کتابی که تو روزهای تلخی که می خوندمش، خنده های بلند برام به همراه داشت. براساس اون تجربه، انتظار بیشتری از این کتاب داشتم، اما خب، این کتاب به خودی خود کتاب خوبی بود . اگرچه شیرینی های کتاب قبل رو برام نداشت .
سداریس قصد طنز نوشتن نداره، دلقک بازی درنمیاره و حرفای مسخره نمی زنه. شخصیت اصلی کتاب، واقعا یه شخصیت طنزه. همینه و کاریش هم نمیشه کرد. این که تلاشی برای خنده دار بودن توی این کتابها نبود، برام از همه چیز دوست داشتنی تر و طبیعی تر بود.
کتاب بیشتر از هرچیز درمورد تجربه های متفاوت یک آدمه، کارهای متفاوتی که مشغولشون میشه و سفرهای متعددی که انجام میده. یه بخش از کتاب رو که دوست داشتم اینجا میارم

:

هنوز هم رانندگی بلد نیستم، یک بار که با دوستم رفته بودیم تعطیلات، انداخت توی یک زمین خالی و سعی کرد یادم بدهد. بعد از این که به تفاوت ظریف گاز و ترمز اشاره کرد، جایمان را عوض کردیم و وقتی انداختم توی یک جاده ی دوطرفه، در اعتراض زوزه کشید!یک شنبه بود و خلوت. از کنار یک پسر دوچرخه سوار و پیرزنی که یک چرخ دستی را هل می داد رد شدم.. نزدیکی شان باعث وحشتم شد و برای همین رفتم سمت مرکز جاده که به نظر�� امن تر می آمد. سرعتم را زیاد کردم. طوری که انگار یک زن حامله را به بیمارستان می بردم. بعد سرعتم را کم کردم و انداختم توی شانه ی خاکی و به خودم تلقین کردم که پشت فرمان خوابم برده. همین جور کج و کوله رانندگی می کردم که رسیدیم به یک خانه ی بزرگ که به رنگ مدادتراش نقاشی شده بود. مردی در حیاط ایستاده بود که پیشبند داشت و داشت کباب درست می کرد. بوق زدم و دست تکان دادم ، انتظار داشتم چنگالش را بیندازد و پابگذارد به فرار. واوکنشی که قاعدتاً می بایست نسبت به دیدن یک شامپانزه پشت فرمان نشان می داد. به جای این که وسط بوته های توت فرنگی شیرجه بزند، برایم دست تکان داد و دوباره مشغول کارش شد. از این که کسی مرا با یک راننده عوضی گرفته بود ، هیجان زده شدم! از این که یک لحظه به نظر مسئول و قابل اعتماد آمده بودم. از این رانندگی مختصر لذت بردم ولی می دانستم چنین کاری برایم عادت نخواهد شد. رانندگی خیلی خطرناک است. علاوه بر این من از آن آدمها نیستم که برگه ی بیمه پر کنم! سعی می کنم همیشه در شهرهایی زندگی کنم که سیستم حمل و نقل عمومی درست و درمانی دارند، اول شیکاگو و بعد هم نیویورک که از شیکاگو هم بهتر است چون بیشتر تاکسی دارد! » از صفحه ی 127 کتاب



همون طور که می بینید، سرعت روایت کتاب خیلی سریعه. یک جور تعریف خودمونی اتفاقات زندگیه. از قوانین داستان کوتاه کاملا تبعیت نمی کنه و بعد از تعریف خاطره ی ماشین سواریش ، درمورد وقتی که از ماشین پیاده شده و کاری که کرده نمی گه، بلکه خیلی سریع به نیویورک و شیکاگو میره و در طول داستان ها می بینیم خیلی سریع از خاطره ای به خاطره ی دیگه گذر می زنه بدون این که احساس کنیم داره ما رو سرمی دوونه و سرنخ داستان رو گم کرده.
ترجمۀ خاکسار خیلی خوبه و نمی دونم بهش چه ایرادی میشه گرفت. ترجمه ی خوب، اون ترجمه ایه که نفهمی داری یه کتاب ترجمه شده می خونی. و خاکسار در این حد متن رو مال خود کرده بود.

[SARAH · Rating 2 out of 5]

بطرز ابلهانه ای تصور می کردم با یک داستان طنز روبرو هستم... و خب وقتی سه شنبه غروب داستان رو تمام کردم تنها حسی که داشتم این بود که بزنم زیر گریه بلند وبلند وهای های گریه کنم!!!!!!چرا؟خب از خودم در اواسط داستان پرسیدم چی دارم می خونم و جوابش این بود داستان راجع به ادمیه که بطرز غیرقابل انکاری فرد معمولی محسوب میشه درمورد همه چی معمولیه و بطرز مرگ اور و کشنده ای باور داره که اتفاقا یه نابغه است که باید کشف بشه و خواسته هاش اصلا با واقعیات و توان فکری و جسمیش منطبق نیست. مثل این که می خواد خواننده جاز یا بسکتبالیست بشه و خلاصه این تضاد واقعیت و خواست اون ،طنز ماجرا رو میسازه و طرف مدام از خودش یک مضحکه میسازه . حالا چرا افسرده کننده بود؟ خب عجیب حس میکردم من هم شبیه این یارو هستم ... منتها با تفاوتهایی ...به هر حال از نظرمن داستان فوق العاده ای برای له کردن مخاطب بود کمی شاید ... نمی دانم میشه توصیه اش کرد یا نه؟!

[Maryam · Rating 4 out of 5]

اولین بار با سداریس توی همشهری داستان آشناشدم .طنزی صمیمی که آدم رو با خودش همراه می برد .توی این مجموعه هم داستان اولش یعنی طاعون تیک همین طور بود تا بقیه ذاستانها بخصوص خود داستان مادربزرگت رو از این جاببر.پدر ومادر بامزه هم دارد بخصوص مادرش

[. . . _ _ _ . . . · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ομοφυλόφιλος, ελληνικής καταγωγής, με μητέρα που πέθανε. Που εκδίδει βιβλία για την ομοφυλοφιλία του, τον γκόμενο του, την αρρώστια της μάνας του, τον πατέρα του, την οικογένεια του.
Τουλάχιστον ξέρουμε από ποιον εμπνεύστηκε ο Κορτώ.