Child Proof: Parenting By Faith, Not Formula

by Julie Lowe

As a freedom-over-formula parenting book for parents of all ages, Child Proof provides biblical insight and encouragement for readers who want to parent by faith. As an experienced counselor of children and families, and an adoptive and foster mom applying the Christian Counselling and Educational Foundation (CCEF) model of biblical change, Julie Lowe uses biblical Scripture and spiritual wisdom to teach parents how to know their children and specifically love them with the love of Jesus Christ. Every family is unique, which is why Child Proof explores the need for parents to cultivate personal and intimate care for their children as modeled in God's individual, personal, and fatherly care to his children. This parenting book lays a foundation of parenting by faith and progresses by teaching Christian parents how they can know their own children well and parent accordingly. By discussing particular issues parents might have in family life, Lowe demonstrates how parenting formulas aren't the answer, and parenting with biblical wisdom is best for a proactive rather than reactive approach to raising children. Through Lowe's personal and professional experience, Christian parents as well as those helping parents pastors, counselors and counseling students, youth workers, and churches will discover gospel-centered application rather than formulas for the ideal family, equipping parents to be experts at knowing their own children so they can know biblical Scripture and live it out personally in their homes.

Genres: Parenting, Family, Counselling, Christian, Childrens, Nonfiction, Faith

199 pages, Paperback

Published September 24, 2018

About the author

Julie Lowe is a faculty member at CCEF. She holds an MA in counseling from Biblical Theological Seminary. She is a licensed professional counselor with over 18 years of counseling experience. Julie is also a registered play therapist and has developed a play therapy office at CCEF to better serve families, teens, and children Julie and her husband, Greg, have six children and serve as foster and adoptive parents. She is the author of Childproof: Parenting by Faith Not Formula and has written minibooks and numerous articles for the Journal of Biblical Counseling.

Reviews

[Mackenzie Donegan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Favorite parenting book yet. Unlike how I finish most books like this, I feel a weight lifted off. Highly recommend to any Christian parent

[Reagan Bon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I am not a parent, so my ability to accurately critique parenting books is necessarily limited.

That being said, I found that this book, though not necessarily wrong, was unhelpful. There were good thoughts and ideas to be gleaned here and there, but overall the book lacked depth and substance. The author pointed out the various problems parents tend to have with their children/teens, but offered very little in the way of practical advice. Her general response was that parents need to learn their children (over-psychologizing the parenting process, in my opinion) and respond to each situation using godly wisdom and the help of the Spirit. Again, not wrong, but extremely vague. She also wrote the whole chapter on discipline without once mentioning the use of the rod...?

[Suzanne Elyse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably my favourite parenting read thus far. So often we go to parenting books to get specific answers to specific issues and scenarios hoping for a practical do-this-checklist-and-it’ll-all-work-out but we won’t ever get a completely satisfactory book to that end because children and families are much more complicated than a checklist. I appreciate Lowe’s broad vision of parenting as ministry and found this book convicting and encouraging. Will probably reread.

[Eleasa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book sets the tone for CCEF's Biblical counselling approach, particularly to kids & teens. Julie uses Scripture, counselling experience, and personal experiences as a foster & adopting mom to offer insightful questions into what Christ-centred parenting can look like, rather than relying on "formulas". She doesn't give clear examples of a "parenting formula", which I think is reasonable as parenting philosophies/research/trends will constantly shift with the culture. Her basic message is that doing A +/- not doing B does not always lead to C (a 'well-behaved/ideal' child). She points to Biblical principles instead, and to parenting with self-examination of our hearts (whether our personal biases in parenting or our own pride & reactions) and a heart of dependence on Christ.

Here is the spirit & heart of this book. I never would have thought that I would read a B.B. Warfield quote in a parenting book, but how good is this!

"Nurturing a family is a lifestyle that makes Christ central. He is the source from which all that is good and holy flows.

Let me end with a vision for how to live out this grace we've been given. Here is what B.B. Warfield wrote in "Imitating the Incarnation":
'Self-sacrifice means not indifference to our times and our fellows: it means absorption in them. It means forgetfulness of self in others. It means entering into every man's hopes and fears, longings and despairs: it means manysideness of spirit, multiform activity, multiplicity of sympathies. It means richness of development. It means not that we should live one life, but a thousand lives -- binding ourselves to a thousand souls by the filaments of so loving a sympathy that their lives become ours. It means that all the experiences of men shall smite our souls and shall beat and batter these stubborn hearts of ours into fitness for their heavenly home. It is, after all, then, the path to the highest possible development, by which alone we can be made truly men.'

A Christ-centered home means that we are emptying our home of personal agendas, striving to image the Lord before our children. We are striving to love sacrificially, to engage with one another meaningfully, and to pour forth God's character in all we say and do. It does not mean perfection; it means humility in weakness. It means we give ourselves to him, and his strength is made perfect in our weakness. We become a channel of his life to others."

[Deborah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was so encouraging. I wouldn't recommend this as the first parenting book you ever read, and it’s not geared toward the little years, but it's a fantastic resource. She offers a lot of practical advice, so much Biblical encouragement, and focuses on the goal of parenting- which is faithfulness in the task, not producing perfect children.

[Allie Roland · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great main principle—you need to get to know each kid individually and seek godly wisdom to parent them through reliance on God. A bit repetitive and the author does not give much practical help.

[Theron John · Rating 5 out of 5]

'Child Proof' is a relationship builder for parents to trust the Lord and to know their child. This book is for the parent who knows they cannot raise children on their own but are dependent upon the Lord. If you are (or know) a parent who wants to know your child better than the latest parenting technique, then get to know how to do so by getting your copy of 'Child Proof'. As you replace parenting by formula with parenting by faith, you will grow as a parent, leaning on the Lord and learning how to best parent your child.

See full review at: http://www.entrustedbygod.org/2018/11...

[Dalen · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book with a lofty calling for parents. It was less a book of what to do than it was a book about why we do things and how to think through things. In sure I will revisit this book through the years as there were a number of things that seem like they would be helpful as NY child grows. I do appreciate the emphasis on the hard work involved with building and maintaining a relationship with your children rather than a formula or set of actions.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

At the heart of Julie Lowe’s Child Proof is a simple word of encouragement to Christian parents: “Instead of ‘how-tos’ and formulas, we rely on who God is in relationship to us.”

Nothing tempts me as a parent more than the promise of a new set of rules. I am constantly tempted to place my hope in rules and regulations for my kids that seem to guarantee results. I wonder if new sleep regimens or fail-proof discipline systems will finally solve my parenting conundrums. Lowe guides parents back towards the gospel of grace, reminding us that we can only parent “when we are emptied of our own sense of competency and realize that the task requires far more than we have in us” because parenting “must be done in dependence on the Holy Spirit.” Instead of measuring the success of our parenting in terms of results, we must remember that our children are “moral responders who will choose whether they will become wise and learn from discipline, or whether they will be foolish and hardened in their response.” I found much needed encouragement in her clear admonitions from scripture.

In my own years as a parent, I’ve been learning the lessons in this book first hand, but it was refreshing to see my parenting philosophy spelled out so clearly. I was grateful for the way that Lowe continually steers parents away from simplistic formulas and back to the wisdom of scripture. Though the Bible offers few specifics on parenting, many of the general principles about how to handle conflict apply to parents in unique ways. She encourages parents to become experts on their own family and to apply grace with creativity and persistence. Our ultimate parenting goal should be to disciple our children to be people “who can take an honest look at themselves and confess their sin.” There are no shortcuts or magic bullets. Rather, we must produce in our homes “an atmosphere of grace that is practiced generously in family relationships.”

Lowe is a foster parent herself and has also dealt with unique parenting challenges as a professional counselor. All of these experiences inform the wise counsel found in this book. I was reminded of the powerful words from the hymn Amazing Grace, which remind me that “grace has brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.” Grace brought us to faith and is working in our lives; Lowe reminds us that we can trust God’s grace to instruct our parenting. Because her book is saturated with reminders of God’s grace, Child Proof is an excellent source of encouragement for parents who are wearing themselves out trying to follow a formula or for parents who’ve already discovered all their idealistic formulas really don’t work in the trenches. The gospel is good news for parents, and Julie Lowe makes that abundantly clear in this book.

[Mary Hodson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book on parenting that I have read. Moves us away from a 'fix it', formula approach and helps us to look at our children as individuals before the Lord. Focuses on our relationship with Christ and how this impacts how we parent and speak into the lives of our children. Practical and relevant in approach.

[Jena Hitt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really helpful book on parenting. Especially for someone like me who wants to “get it right”, remembering God offers both freedom and wisdom in parenting is key. She offers lots of practical advice in a way that also leaves room for discerning what the lord has for your own family.

[Kimberly Parrish · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best parenting books I’ve ever read!

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best parenting book I've read to date!

[Beauty in the Binding · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the book I've been waiting for. I've always desired to mother my children the way that God parents His children. There's no shortage of parenting advice from Christian leaders and sometimes it's conflicting. At times, I've seen Christian leaders make their way seem like it's the only God-approved way.

So, in my pilgrimage to mother my children as God parents His children, I've made slow progress over the years. Reading this book was like having someone fling open heavy doors and let brilliant sunshine in. The first chapter deals extensively with parenting formulas and what we perceive as “normal.” I'm so grateful the author asserts: “Biblical principles remain universal and unchanging, [but] the way they are applied in specific ways is unique to each family's personalities, gifts, difficulties, and circumstances.” (Page 10)

In my opinion, that statement is the backbone of this book. It may seem simple, but it's not. Thankfully, Child Proof offers an opportunity to learn to parent a child as is best for the child. However, that can be hard when outright or perceived criticism attacks a parent. Therefore, it is essential that a parent be convinced about his or her methods. The means of accomplishing this, per the book, is prayer. When we pray and study God's truth, the Holy Spirit can give us specific wisdom for our individual children.

Once this premise is established, the rest of part one deals with topics such as Christ-centered parenting, becoming an expert on your child, discipline, and more. Part two delves into common parenting issues including: parenting a difficult (strong-willed) child, parenting a child with disabilities, when your child isn't thankful, technology and your child, and several other issues. To reiterate, the author discusses principles in Scripture and gives examples, but reminds the reader that these principles will look different in every family.

The chapters I found most helpful:

Chapter 5: When Rules Are Broken. – Kudos to the author for NOT telling me that I need to spank my child in order to apply discipline. This chapter is more about making sure the parent has the right mindset (we are all wandering sheep), assessing rules (instead of doling them out based on culture or advice from others), and cultivating strong character in a child.

Chapter 7: Parenting a Difficult Child. – The author takes on the concept that if you raise a child a certain way, he or she will turn out “right.” And the often unspoken assumption: if your child doesn't or isn't turning out “right,” then you must be doing something wrong. This section was immensely helpful and liberating because what worked great with my first child, didn't work so great on my second. I love my second child's determined spirit, but sometimes it can be challenging.

So, while Child Proof does indeed offer freedom from parenting formulas, beware: it's not a book telling you to relax and stay positive. It calls the parent to a deep, self-sacrifical love – the kind of love that Christ has for us. And sometimes, that's not easy. For me, it means tamping down my natural irritation so I can respond in love instead of anger. For others, it might mean passing up a good opportunity for yourself so you can do what is best for your child.

This book was intense. Seriously, I'll need to read this a few times to truly absorb it. I found that if I stopped reading in the middle of a chapter and did not return to it until the next day, I needed to start again at the beginning of the chapter. Otherwise, there was a disconnect and I didn't glean the message as well.

Child Proof: Parenting by Faith, Not Formula by Julie Lowe is a keeper for my bookshelf. As I've explained, I found it immensely helpful and I expect to read it again in the future. I do think the book could have benefited by addressing situations in which parents might not agree. My husband and I are both believers and want to parent our children well, but we still have some completely different ideas about how to parent. I imagine that blended families or single parents might also wish there was a section devoted to such situations.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this complimentary book from the publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Many parents seek a one-size-fits-all solution. We want simple answers to complicated problems and we want them to work every time.

Yet each family is different, each child is different, each circumstance is different. Our personalities vary, our temperaments differ. Each parent has their own sins, gifts and tendencies, and each child has their own sins, gifts and tendencies.

We fool ourselves into thinking there could be the same solution for every problem. Thankfully Julie Lowe has come to the same realization and shared it with us in her book Child Proof.

She starts by freeing parents from the trap of thinking there is only one right way to parent, and in fact what God calls us to is not a formula but faith. We are called to love God and love our children and that will impact the way we parent more than any structure, routine, guideline or expectation. We need to parent centering on Christ – cultivating his character and love in our family life, becoming an expert on our family and parenting according to their needs. We need discerning discipline and to prioritise building bridges to our children, strengthening our relationship with them.

The final section: Parenting by Faith Applied, deals with particular situations, including parenting a difficult child, an anxious child, when you child says “I don’t know” and the importance of role playing and practicing situations with them.

The real benefit of this book will be seen in how you choose to apply it. You could read it, think, “that’s great” and move on to the next book of wisdom that is released. Or, you could stop, work through her instructive questions and suggestions at the end of each chapter, and in God’s grace and wisdom, consider how to parent your children by faith in God and his good plans, despite our sins and weaknesses.

(I received an eBook in exchange for an honest review)

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book on parenting that I have read! Wish I had had it when my kids were younger.

[Janine Kunz · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book encouraging, trustworthy and occasionally dry. The author is a child therapist and links appropriate child development with faith based parenting goals. Her emphasis on growing excellent relationships with children, learning their individual weaknesses and gifts and parenting in response was meaningful and sensible. Trustworthy although limited biblical application (makes point, cites bible verse to support.) I found the book encouraging but kept wanting more specific application points... her anecdotes are intentionally vague and open ended and many applications are likely more meaningful for parents of tweens and up (think personal cell phone use, alternatives to grounding, dealing with emerging mental health concerns.) Of note she provides a very healthy and compassionate perspective on walking with children through their own personal challenges.

[Natasha · Rating 5 out of 5]

There isn't a way I could give this book enough stars. This is easily the best book I've read on parenting in the Christian context and I highly recommend it to any parent -- Christian or not. In fact, I value this book as a resource so much, my plan is to re-read it every few months so I can keep the reminders and perspective shifts at the forefront as I parent my two boys.

To me the target audience seems to be more for parents of young children through teens, but if you have a baby right now, this book would still be a benefit to read so you can start looking at how you parent (or have tendency to parent) now.

[Carol Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Will come back to this. Recommended it to my husband. Encouraging because it reminds me there is no one right way to do things; that getting to know my family members and trusting God to lead us and take care of us is primary. I don’t think this will be so widely read, though, because of the misleading title!

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first half of this book reviewed similar content to other books I've read on parenting. The second half on applying that content to certain situations or "types" of children was much more helpful. Lots of emphasis on having relationships with your children as well as helping them learn godliness instead of just good behavior. The big three questions were also a good reminder: "Is my parenting loving? Is it consistent? Is it wise?” (p. 91)

“Activities and busy schedules are not wrong, but we must be aware of how much time we are actively engaging our kids in meaningful relationships with us versus keeping them happily occupied. One fosters intimacy, the other fosters detachment. Do not be mistaken: kids do look for guidance and authority, and they will likely turn to the influence that has captured their admiration and trust. If we have been relationally absent, why would they accept our authority?” (p. 103)

“My fear is that as we teach our children various behaviors and habits, our focus is often about external behavior only. Our instruction centers on what to do and when to do it, without any real connection to why. Ultimately, everything our children do should stem from a love for God and others…We want to teach our children to do good things for godly reasons. This addresses the motives behind our behavior, as well as the attitude with which we do such tasks.” (p. 149)

[JEM · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this! I would love to have a mini Julie Lowe to stick in my pocket and carry around with me for all those challenging parenting moments. This isn't possible of course but this book is the next best thing! Julie writes from the extensive experience of her work (a licensed professional counsellor and play therapist) and from her own home, as an adoptive and foster parent. She has a very gracious approach even as she challenges parents to "do the hard work of parenting". Her biblical approach is uplifting and you never get the sense of being condemned or shamed, quite the opposite in fact. I knew when I heard the author speak at a CCEF conference that I would be waiting for this book to be published. What I loved most, is that she recognises the pitfalls of formulaic parenting and celebrates that each child, parent and family is unique. Highly recommended.

Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC

[Vicky Sluiter · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are many books available on the subject of parenting. Author Julie Lowe’s book is not just another one. If you want to parent by faith, this book is for you. The use of Scripture combined with biblical wisdom makes it one of the better ones you’ll find.

Child Proof is broken into two sections. The first lays a good foundation for parenting by faith. The second section discusses specific challenges in a child’s life.

Lowe is a parent as well as a licensed professional counselor and play therapist. This book is full of great information that will help you love your child with Christ’s love. A great read for parents, I recommend it.

I received a complimentary copy of this book but was not required to leave a review.

[David Pulliam · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first half of this book is great, and your point is quite powerful. The problem I run into is in the second half which was intended to be practical about it enough find it to be practical. Her main point is that as a parent you are for filling the role given by God and your dependence on God not the outcome. And obedient child is not because of your work but because of gods work. Sing half was intended to be practical how does this truth apply to the nitty-gritty of life. I’m afraid if I do quite vague and beyond “remember God” It really did not answer to how question.

I would encourage people to read the first half it is quite helpful I don’t expect anything very practical. So it’s worth reading but just the first half.

[John Caulfield · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ll admit I’m a formula guy. I want a “how-to” guide for evangelism, discipleship, prayer, marriage, and just about every other sphere of the Christian life. So why would parenting be any different. But instead of offering a template, Lowe’s work challenges readers to do the hard work of studying and knowing our children deeply, and then applying biblical wisdom to them as individual image bearers. Yes, there are certain principles that should be applied universally by all believing parents, but many biblical principals will vary in application depending on the disposition of our individual children. I appreciated her tips on how to delve into deeper conversations with children.

[Bobby Oliveri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lots to commend. The chapters, while brief, are well-written and insightful. The experience and insight of Julie Lowe is evident, and she does a great job of offering instruction and correction without pouring on the guilt and shame. Each chapter is a good mix of theory and practice, and there's plenty of practical examples too. Most helpful perhaps is the parents toolbox at the end of each chapter, as well as the reflection questions, that help spouses think and talk about the real life scenarios they're facing with their own kids. All in all, a worthwhile read that I would recommend to any parent.

[LeAnne Klopfenstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

Parenting by Faith not Formula by Julie Lowe is a fantastic book. Real life stories & examples of how to blend your family’s needs & individual personalities. Truth is taken straight from the Bible and applied in tangible ways. The ‘how-to’s, ‘why’s’ & additional reflection questions don’t intimidate you, but bring guidance, hope, and encouragement. This may be one of my favorite parenting books!

*I received a copy of this book from the publisher, but was under no obligation to write a review. My honest opinion has been provided without any requirement to write a positive review.

[Alaina Torrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read the bulk of this during 2019 with a group of moms - easily my favorite parenting book in a while. Parenting by a formula, believing that we can create the perfect environment, experiences, and encouragement to produce a faithful, adjusted, and established child is such an easy trap to fall into. And a hard one to climb out of.
Julie Lowe writes practically, emphasizing faith and understanding the personhood of our children as ways to climb out of that "formula" pit and into a relationship with our children and our God. Well worth the read!

[Ty Brunet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Julie Lowe presents frames the parenting conversation well, informing parents that parenting is achieved by faith and faithfulness, not formulas.

Like our salvation, we do not parent by righteous works but the grace and love of God.

Agreed with a large amount but I think her experiences as a counselor and parent draw her to different perspectives.

She makes a great argument for parenting with biblical wisdom and becoming an expert of your children. The last few chapters are specific on parenting different types of children.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

There was some really good suggestions and information in this book. It started out a little bland and cliche, but it got really good around chapter 5! She had great practical tips on how to help train your children and trust God through it all. It was an easy read, and I liked how there were reflection questions at the end of the chapters. Overall, I’d probably re-read this as my kids are a little older so that I can put into practice some of the action items.

[Kellie Selmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perhaps one of the most freeing parenting books I have ever read. Grounded in biblical truth, yet encouraging and not a “my way is the best and only way” approach as I have seen in other parenting books. Julie gives you the freedom to learn your family and learn their needs and do what’s best for you and your family in the season you are in and by the grace of God. As a person with lots of anxiety over wanting to do things exactly the right way, this was a breath of fresh air.