Esminis pasirinkimas: 5 žingsniai, kaip priimti savo partnerį su trūkumais

by Andrea Miller, Jūratė Derukaitė (Translator), Greta Margevičienė (Translator)

Įsimylėti patraukliausias partnerio ar partnerės savybes labai lengva. Smagu, kai kitas žmogus prajuokina, kai sužavi sumanumu, imponuoja sėkme, apgaubia gerumu. Tomis akimirkomis jis atrodo tobulas.

Deja, pasitaiko ir kitokių akimirkų. Jis ar ji eilinį kartą pavėluoja. Arba pratrūksta. O gal nekantriai bamba. Gal tingi. Arba ir vėl pamiršo uždaryti klozeto dangtį. Tuomet mylimasis ar mylimoji tampa labiausiai erzinančiu žmogumi planetoje, o jūs nesijaučiate nei išgirsti, nei pamatyti, nei pakankamai mylimi.

Bet pamėginkite įsivaizduoti: jei vieną dieną liautumėtės bandę pakeisti, vertinti ir kontroliuoti partnerio ar partnerės elgesį? Jei smerkimą ir susierzinimą pakeistumėte įsiklausymu ir empatija? Andrea Miller tvirtina, kad tą akimirką, kai sugebėsite pamilti kitą žmogų tokį, koks jis yra, – ir priimti jo meilę, – patirsite begalinį išsilaisvinimo ir galios jausmą. Būtent tai ir yra jūsų ESMINIS PASIRINKIMAS.

Jei kuriate santykius su labai svarbiu ir brangiu žmogumi, bet jaučiatės taip, tarsi nuolat atsidurtumėte aklavietėje, ši knyga taps puikiu pagalbininku kelyje į harmoniją su savimi ir kitu. Autorė, vieno iš populiariausių Amerikoje žurnalų apie santykius įsteigėja, įtikinamai demonstruoja, kaip veikia garsiausių neurologijos, seksologijos, psichoterapijos ir neurobiologijos autoritetų teorijos, pridurdama realias porų ir asmeninės patirties istorijas. Kelyje į darnius santykius ji siūlo vadovautis penkių žingsnių taisykle, kurioje svarbiausia – gebėjimas mylėti neteisiant ir mokantis priimti kitą.

Genres: Nonfiction, Relationships, Psychology, Self Help, Love, Marriage

352 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2018

Reviews

[Skaistė Girtienė · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pasiėmiau šią knygą netikėtai, kai pavarčius krito į akis sudominusi ištrauka. Gaila, kad perskaičius knygą paaiškėjo, kad tai bene vienintelė mane dominusi knygos vieta. Ir tai buvo cituota kita autorė. Gerai, truputį perdedu, radau keletą įdomių ir vertų dėmesio minčių, ir autorė remiasi kitų žmonių tyrimais ir interviu su jais. Ir visgi mane labai erzino nuolat įterpiamos frazės "remiantis mano patirtimi", ir "mano draugė...", "mano vyras...", na, toliau galima įsivaizduoti. Toks mišinys savo nuomonės ir faktų, tyrimų. Skaitant ne visada buvo aišku, kaip tai atskirti vieną nuo kito.

[Aria Gmitter · Rating 5 out of 5]

What I really liked about this book is that it puts the responsibility to love on the person who is looking to improve their relationship with a dose of raw advice.

What I found unique about this particular self-help/relationship help book is that the author does not come from a place of strict authority because of degrees or theory, but personal experience.

In other words, what she claims worked for her is continuing to work and could work for you if you decide to follow her advice.

If you're in a relationship with someone you really want to be with, and nothing has worked, this is a great book to read.

If you're in a relationship with someone that you're not sure you can or want to be with, and you're on the fence, this book is a good kick in the butt to help you figure it out.

[Maranda Carvell · Rating 2 out of 5]

Basically a rehash of her favourite self help books (that you have probably already read)

[Elizabeth Kuykendall · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book spends a lot of time talking about what it will talk about, without really saying much.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Confusing b/c I was looking for the book Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach based on some recommendations. Ended up getting this one in a Goodreads deal by accident, and I'm glad I did - there were some good points/insights in here that I'll use.

[Urtė Jarockė · Rating 4 out of 5]

I agree with the author of the book that radical acceptance can change many things in our relationships and not only in romantic ones but also in relationships with friends, family members and other important people to us. While reading I felt like I knew some things, some things were just some kind of confirmation that I think right. This book gives you hope and encourage to try save people or one particular person who is important to you. I saw that many people complain that there were too little theory and too many personal stories of author’s and other people she know but I think that this is what make this book likable. I liked those personal relationship stories and other people’s experiences. These examples make you think, compare and maybe even try harder. Especially I like that one story about Kevin. It was written almost in the very end of the book but it is very inspiring! I read that story several times and I think I will remember this story and all book when I feel that world is collapsing under my feet.

[A]

DNF @ page 42

Okay, so I don't normally read self-help-style books. My library had the option to get a "surprise" book when you book an appointment to do curbside pickup, and I ended up with this. I thought I would at least try it, but I just can't. So far, the first bit I've read is the author stating ad nauseam that you need to "radically accept" your partner's flaws and essentially put your all into the relationship. They also kept repeating how "radical acceptance" was so amazing.

Furthermore, I couldn't get into the writing. The paragraphs were weird (randomly, it would start with "Stan said X amazing things about radical acceptance" then never introduce who or what this "Stan" is), and the thought process was a bit jumbled.

[Maxime Hons · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would give it a 3,5. It definitely gave me insights on what i need to work on personally and i would say this applies to friendship and family relationships as well. I don’t necessarily agree with every single part of this book, but i think it’s interesting to read those views nonetheless. She’s definitely a charismatic writer and it was easy to read through. I would say the introductory chapter is quite long and I almost didn’t commit to reading any further, so definitely push through and keep reading because it gets a lot less abstract and more interesting the more you continue. This is definitely a good book to read if you want to work on yourself and show up better in the relationships you currently have and the ones you will build in the future.

[Erika Krasinskė · Rating 1 out of 5]

Labai paviršutiniška, apgraibom parašyta knyga. Daugyyybė autorės santykių pavyzdžių. Daug nuorašų iš kitų populiariųjų knygų apie santykius. Daugybė kartojimųsi. Bet labiausiai erzino kiekvieno skyrelio pradžioje parašyta, kas bus tame skyriuje. O jo pabaigoje, kaip kokiem pirmokam, viskas dar kartą apibendrinta. Rimtai?? Vaizdas toks lyg norima ištempti knygą iki begalybės, ko pasekoje tiesiog gaila sugaišto laiko...
Tikriausiai negavau nei vieno sakinio, dėl kurio norėčiau susimąstyti 🤷‍♀️
Porų santykių temomis parašytos knygos TOP 3:
- 5 meilės kalbos.
- Vyrai iš marso, moterys iš veneros.
- Per juokus į geresnę santuoką.

[Fausta Raudonienė · Rating 5 out of 5]

Labai gera knyga! Skaičiau ją prieš 4m, tada nesurezonavo, o dabar ji buvo kaip visai kita! Knygoje patiekiama daug įvairių tyrimų, smegenų ir hormonų veikimo principų skirtingose situacijose, realių gyvenimiškų istorijų... Žaismingas autorės braižas leido viską priimti lengvai ir "skaniai" . Tai ne ta knyga, kurią atsiverti ir norisi skaityti, ir skaityti, nes įtraukia sužetas. Ši knyga man buvo kaip vadovėlis, kaip meditacija, kuriai ne kasdien smegenys pasiruošusios, tačiau kai paskaitydavau, palikdavo gera, lengva ir šviesu galvoje :) Tikrai skaitysiu dar už 5 metų kitame savo gyvenimo tarpsnyje, o gal ir anksčiau :)

[Thelma Fountain · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be really helpful. I think it would be a good read for anyone in a committed relationship. The quest for love in our society has become so difficult one of the reasons is because people have become so focused on perfection and we don't give one another enough grace. We are all human we can't expect our partners to be perfect. This book really helps manage expectations. Highly recommend.

[Evelina · Rating 2 out of 5]

All book encourages you to put your partner above yourself and don't expect anything back. Also writing book mostly from your and your friends experience definitely wasn't enough to fulfil all context of the book all boom seems like walking in a circle. Liked some quotes of other authors and researchers.

[Lydia · Rating 2 out of 5]

There is some good in this book, but ultimately I rated it only 2 stars because the author tried to write one book that addressed every issue in every relationship and repeated scenarios over and over again. The volume of info and repetition just ruined the book.

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good information. Plus, she quotes some of my favorite authors.

[Lori Peters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it...geez there would be less divorce if people would just accept our partners. I don't mean put up with BS...just learn how to accept and be happy!

[Jess Macallan · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

[HG Wyndell · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was looking for the book by Tara Branch, and got this from the library

[Remeikaitė]

Pati knyga gal ir nėra bloga, joje galima rasti vieną kitą vertingą patarimą, bet lietuviškas vertimas stebėtinai prastas. Kai kurios vietos išverstos pažodžiui, net reikėjo pasitikslinti, ar leido ne Obuolys.

[Erika · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is very simple reating style.

[Sam Holstein · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is basically an entire book repeating one single point: you need to accept your partner for who they are, no holds barred. If you can’t, you must go. You can’t spend your time trying to change anyone. She’s right, of course, I just felt that she didn’t have enough content about that concept to fill a whole book.