The Gift of a Happy Mother: Letting Go of Perfection and Embracing Everyday Joy

by Rebecca Eanes

A supportive guide that gives busy moms permission to care for themselves, from a popular parenting blogger with one million Facebook followers "Would you rather have a perfect mom, or a happy one?" This is the question that popular parenting blogger Rebecca Eanes couldn't get out of her head. So she asked her school-age son, who didn't miss a beat in "A happy one."Thus began a journey of reflection and repair work, as Rebecca asked herself an even harder How can I rediscover everyday joy amid the chaos of schedules, homework, and housework--not to mention the guilt, comparisons, loneliness, fear, and overwhelm? In other words, how can I become a happy mom again?In this relatable guide, Rebecca walks readers through the process of getting back to happy, for your own sake as well as your family's. Going beyond the usual advice about finding balance, embracing gratitude, and not sweating the small stuff, her hard-won advice is written by a busy mom in the trenches. Topics   *  Letting go of perfection (or anything close to it)  *  Making peace with the past--including the pain of disappointment, loss, and the roads not taken  *  Tuning in to your own wants and needs--and tuning out the comparisons, "shoulds," and noise of social media  *  Finding magic in the mess  *  Choosing joy over fear and worry  *  Creating healthy boundaries so that everyone in your life can thrive (including you!)Filled with fresh insights, simple strategies, and aha moments, this is that rare book you'll want to read, share, and return to for a booster shot of confidence, connection, and joy.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology

219 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 2, 2019

About the author

Author of The Gift of a Happy Mother, Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide, The Positive Parenting Workbook, and The Newbie’s Guide to Positive Parenting. Contributing editor at Creative Child Magazine.

Reviews

[Salma Ali · Rating 4 out of 5]

كتاب يربت على كتفي أي أم متعبة. اجتمعت به صدفة و كان اختيارًا موفقًا و ناجحًا، استمتعت بقراءته فكلماته و فصوله ملهمة و بسيطة و يمكن قراءتها دون تسلسل. ينصح بقراءته قبل الخوض في تجربة الأمومة الفريدة من نوعها و المليئة بما لا يخطر على بال. أعجبتني اقتباسات الكاتبة ضمن الكتاب. لم أشعر بالملل معه و أحسست بأنه موجه فعلًا إلي فقد كان يحدثني و أحدثه.
أتوقع العودة للقراءة فيه و الإفادة منه في المستقبل و ربما إهداؤه لأم أخرى. 😁

[Mandy Lewis · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you are a mother who often feels overwhelmed and misunderstood this is the book for you.
Pros: Rebecca’s approach in her writing is empathetic and non-judgemental. She makes you feel like you have an ally and you’re not the only one out there that feels a tad overwhelmed and crazy at times. And although reading is one-sided I finished this book feeling as if someone had been there listening and addressing all my worries, concerns, and hardships as a mother.
Cons: I didn’t love that at the end of each chapter she gave a list of things to do to change. Wasn’t that the point of the book? To feel enough and not put more on your plate?
This book really resonated with me, but maybe that was because us INFJ personality types speak to one another 😉

[Haidy Fayez · Rating 5 out of 5]

هذا الكتاب لكل بنت وأم سوف تستفيدي منه كثيرآ وسيعلمك كيف تستمتعين بيومك رغم كل الضغوطات الكاتبه أم لطفلين في مقدمه الكتاب تقول الكاتبه ان جاءت فكره الكتاب لديها
عندما سألت ابنها في يوم من الأيام هذا السؤال انت محتاج أم مثاليه ولا أم سعيده
فاجاب مسرعا دون تردد انه محتاج أم سعيده
فعلينا أولا ان نطرد من عقولنا فكره الوصول للكمال فهذا مستحيل فالكمال لله وحده فليس مطلوب من آلام المثاليه في كل شيء مطلوب ان تكوني سعيده كي تسعدي أسرتك فالام التعيسه السعاده لا تعرف عنوان لبيتها لا بد من معرفه حدود قوتك وتحملك فلا تحملي نفسك فوق طاقتك حتي لاتدمري شخصيتك وجسدك وترهقي عقلك
طرحت الكاتبه ٠ا افكار لكل بنت وزوجه وأم كي تشعر بالسعادة
١-شاركي طفلك او زوجك أو اولادك بالانشطه المحبوه لديهم ٢-خصصي وقت لنفسك بالانشطه المحببه إليكي ايا كانت ٣-اطردي الأفكار السلبيه من دماغك افتخري دايما بانجازاتك حتي لو كانت بسيطه واعطي لنفسك مكافأه كي تستمتعي بحياتك
٤-ثقي بنفسك بطريقتك واحساسك في تربيه اولادك لا تنصطي لمن يتدخل في حياتك فتربيه أولادك انتي وزوجك المسؤلون عنها افعلي ما تحبيه لا تتاثري بتدخل الأشخاص السلبين في حياتك وخصوصياتك واحلامك
٥-ابتعدي عن الشخصيات السامه التي تحبطك وتشعرك بالعجز فكل انسان ادري بنفسه وبطاقته وابتعدي عن مشاهير السوشيال ميديا الذين يعرضون حياتهم وحياه ابناؤهم بشكل مبالغ فيه فهي حياه مذيفه هدفها الشهره والمال
٦-انظري للموضوع من زاويه مختلفه فالكاتبه روت في هذه النقطه تجربتها الشخصيه من أولادها انهم كانوا يرفضوا النوم الا معاها في غرفتها حتي وهم كبار فكان هذا الشيء يزعجها ولكنها نظرت الي هذه المشكله بشكل أخر أنهم يفتقدون الاهتمام والأمان والحنان والحب فقررت ان تكثف لهم وتعطيهم المزيد من الحب والحنان والامان والاهتمام طوال اليوم حتي اطمؤنوا واعتادوا من تلقائي أنفسهم علي النوم في غرفتهم
٧-الدعم النفسي من الاهل او الزوج او الأصدقاء او السوشيال ميديا من خلال شخصيه تكوني معجبه بها وقدوه لكي فمثلما توجد جوانب سلبيه في السوشيال ميديا توجد ايضا جوانب ايجابيه يجب الأخذ بها
٨-خصصي وقت للجلوس مع أبناءك واهلك وزوجك اتركوا ذكريات جميله بينكم كلما مر الزمن وانشغل الجميع تكون هذه الذكريات نوته نتذكر بها أحداث سعيده ومواقف مضحكه نتذكرها سويا
٩-طوري من نفسك وعقلك وقدراتك وثقي بنفسك ووجهي المواقف اليوميه بكل ثقه
١٠-استمتعي بوقتك ولا تنتظري السعاده المستقبليه وتحدثي دائما عن انجازاتك الايجابيه ولا تفكري أو تذكري نفسك بالسلبيات
فتذكرنا الكاتبه بعباره
لا يمكنك السكب من الكوب الفارغ
فأنتي لا تستطيعين إعطاء السعاده وأنتي مفتقداها فامليء كوبك بالسعادة حتي تستطيعي أن تمنحي السعاده لا سرتك

[ريَّا عبدالله · Rating 5 out of 5]

يأتي هذا المؤلَف ليسرد لك مخاوفك، وينبهك على بعض أفكارك، ويعذر تقصيرك ويشجع محاولاتك.. والأهم؛ يطبطب على كتفك ويرى جهودك وإخفاقاتك.. ويسردها لك بواقعية.
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أشعر بالامتنان لهذا الكتاب، لأنه أعاد لي لذة القراءة من شدة سلاسته وخفته، وفوائد مؤلفته، بل وخفة دمها🤣♥️
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قرأته في فترة وجيزة وأنا التي كنت أعاني مع ركاكة الكتب المترجمة وتكرار الحشو وثقلها، لكن هذا الكتاب متفرد🤍
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لبّ الكتاب يركز على أهمية سعادة الأم وتهذيب انفعالاتها وان مزاجها وردات فعلها تؤثر بشكل مباشر على أطفالها.
من أهم أفكار الكتاب:
-عرض الأمومة بشكل واقعي.. بلذتها وصعوبتها، بأفراحها وآلامها، بضحكات الصباح وبكاء الليل وحرمان النوم.. تحسينه يطبطب عليك وهو يوصفك🥲
-الطفل يرى العالم من نظارتك، ويفهمه حسب طريقة عيشك وتأقلمك.. ردات فعلك/قلقك/توترك/عصبيتك/ كلها تؤثر في شخصيته، وفي نظرته للحياة.. وهذي ليست دعوى للمثالية لكنها محفز لتهذيب نفسك.. إن لم يكن لأجلك فعلى الأقل لأجل طفلك.🤍
-نفي فكرة التوازن التام وأنها خرافة.. التوازن نسبيّ وببساطة ما يمكنك تحقيق كل جوانب حياتك، الافضل محاولة تحقيق اهدافك بعيدًا عن اهداف مستحيلة تحبطك.
-أكبر مسببات السعادة "خفض التوقعات" لا ترفعين توقعاتك بأي شيء منعًا للإحباطات.
-أكبر مساعد على التخفيف من العصبية هو تعلم تطورات الطفل، بيساعدك تعذرينه وانها تطورات طبيعية وليست عناد.
-الأمومة بطبيعتها مليئة بالمفاجآت ومتغيرة، تقبلي هذي الحقيقة.. ولا تعلقين الكمال على المرحلة القادمة لتتخففي فتحبطين، هوّني عليك.
-التربية الصحيحة هي محاولة الموازنة بين حقك وحق طفلك، لا إفراط في الحرص ولا تفريط في الإهمال، وعدم نسيان نفسك في دوامة واجباتك.
وإن كثير مما عرضه الكتاب من البدهيات لكن طريقة سرده ومعالجته تباعًا مثري..
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من أجمل الاقتباسات:
"ينظر أطفالك إليك بقدسية، والأهم بالنسبة إليهم ليس إنجازاتك بل حضورك معهم، إنهم يريدون فقط أن يكونوا معك، وأن تحضنيهم، وأن يسمعوك وأنتِ تضحكين"
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"إذا كان هناك مليون سبب لتشعري بالذنب فهناك أيضًا مليون سبب لتشعري بأنك أم عظيمة"

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an advance readers copy of this book from the author who I have followed for some time.
Going beyond the usual advice about finding balance, embracing gratitude, and not sweating the small stuff, her hard-won advice is written by a busy mom in the trenches essentially sums up this book.


The book was easy to read and easy to relate to on many levels. I recommend this book as well as Rebecca's other books to new and seasoned Moms.

[Chloe · Rating 2 out of 5]

While Rebecca has many good ideas and tips to create more happiness in mothering, and doesn’t deny the difficulty of these years, she slogs through many negative scenarios to get there, making motherhood feel like a thing to dread before countering with a helpful tip. I’m a bit disappointed that it’s not something I will read again or recommend to friends.

[Kate Campos · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve enjoyed Rebecca Wanes’ positive parenting Facebook community for a few years, and this book is full of so much of her compassionate wisdom and experience that I’ve come to know and love. She is a desperately needed voice of grace for modern mothers, and her highly-sensitive introverted perspective especially resonated with me. This is a bedside keeper that I will revisit often for encouragement and kindness across many seasons of motherhood.

[Billi-Jo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Inspiring and insightful. Spoken not from a professional with a slew of credentials, but from a mom with a heart full of love and acceptance and a desire to help those of us fighting the same battles. As with her Positive Parenting books, I found myself experiencing many “ah ha” moments, and hearing her words in my head as I went about parenting and navigating daily life.

[Farah Sawalha · Rating 5 out of 5]

الكتاب كتير قريب من القلب واسلوب الكاتبة حلو و شيق و غير ممل ابدا
الكتاب عبارة عن مواقف و نصائح عاشتها الكاتبة (ريبيكا) وليست مجرد سرد و تكرار لاقوال واقتباسات من كتب سابقة زي باقي الكتب الي من هل نوعية
…
حبيته مليون❤️

(تحرري من الحاجة الى القيام بكل شيئ بالطريقة الصحيحة)

[Megan Webb · Rating 5 out of 5]

FANTASTIC book!!! The advice was so practical and reasonable. Every mom needs to read this! Every chapter I felt like Rebecca Eanes was writing just for me.

[Lina · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

Nothing terribly groundbreaking, but a message I needed to hear.

[Sofia Washburn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. So many great insights and reminders for moms, especially new moms. I also love the journal prompts she gives you at the end of each chapter. Will be gifting to new mom friends

[Fatima H.Habib · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book is a sweet little hug that all mamas need in life.. it is a reminder that someone out there is struggling like you .. it is a quick healing session that mamas need to help them move on happily.. I enjoyed reading this book alot and I can relate to most of the chapters in it.

I wish I read it earlier in my motherhood journey, but it is never too late. I chose to be the happy mother, and my mission is to have a happy family.

At the end and as Rebecca Eanes said: I am not a finished product. I have much more growing and learning to do, even at my advanced maternal age. =

[ابتسام المقرن · Rating 5 out of 5]

الكتاب رائع جدًا عبارة عن طبطبة للأمهات
سأعود للكتابة عنه لاحقا بإذن الله

[weekend booked · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the privilege to read this book early thanks to the ARC provided by Rebecca. I swiped through each page in one sitting and found it be life changing. If you are seeking to become a happier mother, then this is the book that will take you on that journey. I should start by saying I have read Rebecca’s book, Positive Parenting, before becoming a mom and it shaped me to prepare for the wild moments with my one-year old. But every mom knows there are many times when I find myself dragging a hand down my face before looking up at the sky, mouthing help me. To my luck, this book discusses strategies to balance out feeling overwhelmed with being joyful instead.

Quote:
“Have you ever heard the saying, ‘A mother is only as happy as her saddest child.’ It’s true, Isn’t it? If one of my children is struggling emotionally, I feel the weight of it. It’s almost impossible for me to feel happy unless everyone else in my family is happy.”

Yes, we can all relate. I’m happy to say each chapter teaches us to remember what feeds the soul, self-care, and me-time during those tough moments. Because at the end of the day, we have to remember what kind of mom we want to be and how important it is to take care of ourselves. Take me for an example—I want to be a happier mom, therefore, I need to remember my conscious choices throughout the day will lead to the happiness I’m seeking. I have implemented her methods each day and so far I’ve been smiling, laughing, and playing with my child more. I am looking at my life in a new way and it is wonderful!

Quote:
So many ‘shoulds’ run rampant in our tired minds, stealing peace and eroding happiness. I should have done this, or I shouldn’t have done that. We promise to do better tomorrow with all of our very best intentions. Then tomorrow comes with same flurry of responsibilities that yesterday had and our best never feels quite good enough.

I’ll have to admit, this part struck a cord with me. I was the mom who always told myself this before bed and couldn’t figure out a way to end the cycle. But I learned with this book to break those bad habits and create new, happy ones, this way I don’t miss out on the best moments of life with my child. And on those days when it’s tough to keep a positive mindset and to choose gratitude, Rebecca reminds us that our focus determines our reality. So choose gratitude, be positive, and you will find yourself much happier, too.

Here are some other amazing and life changing topics covered:
-Comparing your worst to everyone else’s best thanks to the impact of social media.
-Achieving a growth mind-set so you’re not stuck in regret and shame.
-Letting go of the guilt that comes with motherhood.
-Not buying into the lies people feed us.
-How to enjoy the little moments of life instead of waiting for a big event to come.
-Overcoming negative thoughts and attitudes.
-Dealing with toxic habits and toxic people.
-Talking about your joys, instead of voicing your problems.

[Jacey Goates · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I know that it can feel like a thankless job, but what you are doing each day is the most important work there is.” - Rebecca Eanes The Gift Of A Happy Mother

Oh this book! I was part of a launch team that received early access to read the book (no compensation, my review is my own honest opinion about the book) and it is everything I was expecting and so much more! I have all of Rebecca Eanes books so I knew I needed to add this one to my collection even though I have always considered myself a happy mother. I love spending time with my girls over going out with friends or a date night but what I didn’t realize is there is so much more about myself that I’m not realizing is “happy” and that I need to work on for me and my family. Rebecca as a mom herself, validates my feelings and helps you to see things in new ways and gives you tools to help with that process. She brought up things that I haven’t ever thought about that I think will literally change motherhood for me, in the best of ways. Every chapter is full of such great information and so much love. Every page (so far) in my book is highlighted several times with quotes that I absolutely love and important things to remember/work on. Every page! The journal to go with the book is a fantastic idea and only takes a few moments but I really think makes a big impact on my growth as a mother. I haven’t finished the book yet and I wish I had the time to sit and read it cover to over but I’m a mother! I’m m almost done and I know I’ll
keep it out and refer back to it often. I think this is the perfect gift for every mother! Be it a gift for Mother’s Day, baby showers, or just because you know a mom who might be having a hard time- let’s face it, we all are, even if we think we are not. I urge you to buy this book and read it, even if you’re like me and think you are a happy mother and don’t need to read a book about one. I promise you need this one.

[Kyria’ Phenix · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an advanced digital copy of The Gift of a Happy Mother, a book filled with so much love and wisdom.
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We all have different views of parenting and motherhood, but I am happy to have found someone a similar outlook.
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This book found me at just the right time.
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I have always dreamed of being a mom. 7 years ago I was pregnant for the first time and everything was pure bliss.
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From pregnancy, to labor and delivery, to our son’s first first few years - I was on cloud 9.
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In motherhood I found a new purpose.
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And then we lost our second pregnancy and things began to change.
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I became filled with so much anxiety, and it grows during our Rainbow Pregnancy and into second son’s first 18 months.
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I struggled with feelings of loneliness and self-doubt.
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Somewhere along the way I lost myself and I have been desperately trying to find me.
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The Gift of a Happy Mother has helped me get through the lonely feelings.
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For moms, so many feelings and thoughts are universal yet struggle to know that we are not alone.
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Rebecca Eanes shows us that while we may be miles apart, motherhood brings us close together at heart.
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If you are looking for a book to read, and one that is pretty on your coffee or bedside table (or kitchen table if you are like me), I highly recommend you pick up your copy today!

[Lainie Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a delight to consume. There were deep insights, journal prompts, and tips to help one remain positive and grateful at each stage of parenting. Rebecca Eanes is also a HSP, introvert like myself, so I resonate with a lot of what she shares in a meaningful way. It helps reaffirm that I am not alone in feeling deeply and passionately when moved by a moment. That such gentle and feeling humans are unique and valuable assets to our communities. Her words built me up and helped to patch up some of my abrasions that life inevitably has given me through countless experiences.

Let all of that sh*t go parents, you are doing the best you can.


My only wish for this book was to have it be extended to partners as well, maybe a few chapters for the other partner, for I believe my husband could receive a lot out of reading this book as well.

[Eve Riddle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think there is some useful information in this book and it's a good mix of personal anecdotes, practical tips and journal prompts. However I was nearly put off the book before I got to all that good stuff because the beginning made motherhood sound like the most depressing thing ever! In true perfectionist fashion, I bought this book to read during pregnancy before my daughter has even been born, and I nearly had to stop reading after a few pages because it really did paint the most unnecessarily horrific picture of parenthood. I understand wanting to normalise the struggles parents face, but I think it was a bit too doom and gloom for the beginning of a book that people have chosen because they want to make positive change.
I will probably revisit this book to use the journal prompts once I am actually a parent because they do look like they'd be helpful.

[Duaa maher · Rating 2 out of 5]

ريبيكا الام الكئيبة التي تناضل للسعادة وتقاوم من اجل اثباتها .. لا عجب ان عقلي الباطن تسمم من كثر العبارات السلبية التي تشرح عنها بسهب لتخطيها .. كان من الممكن لو جعلت الموضوع ايجابيا من البداية بدلا من شرح المناقض ثم التصفيق للجهة المقابلة ..

ممممم نجمتان للاسهاب في ما تعانيه الام .. ولكن الام بحر اوسع من ان تُقال بكتاب فهي بكل تفاصيلها ورائحتها واطباقها وهمساتها ورائحة وجودها الذي يعد وتد البيت ومزاجه هي وطن اللاجئ وحنين المحب الذي لا يحتسب العثرات والزلات ..

لا اظن ان الامهات تعبن من تربيتنا بل اتعبهن غياباتنا وانشغالاتنا .. لعاطفتهن قوة سوبر مان التي يؤثرن بها اكبادهن التي على الارض من نومهن و راحتهن وحتى هواتفهن .. الام يعني السند الدائم ..


كنت اتمنى لو كان هذا الكتاب يعكس جيدا كيف للام ان تتعب بلذة ..

وبرا بوالدتي يالله..

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book, it’s been helping me to see things clearer and shows me what I need to focus on. The tones Rebecca writes in has been lovely to read and also evoked some tears. She hits the nail on the head quite a few times and I was really able to relate to her stories and her words overall ! I will read this book a second time soon to follow along more with all the activities and prompts. Truly a beautiful book that i think can change a moms view on how beautiful life already is, and to appreciate the life we have with our children a bit more and let go of happiness stealers !!

[Tina Wallace · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have loved this author since reading her second book (I believe) positive parenting. She writes like no other author I have come across, this is an easy to read book I couldn’t stop reading when I first started! That says a lot for me, I’m a mom to 3 ages 6, 2, and almost 7 months. I learn something new every day from this book, Rebecca’s emails, and her Facebook groups. If I had to choose 5 favorite non fiction others to choose to read from on anything parenting related Rebecca Eanes would be in the top!!! This is a definite must read!! 5 stars!!

[Elliot Stiert · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for any mother! This book didn't feel like a book - it felt like a personal conversation with Rebecca. Informal and mother to mother. I have cried at the end of every chapter because I've never felt so understood. Rebecca really gets it and offers lessons in happiness, as well as journal prompts. I cannot gush enough about how much I have thoroughly enjoyed this book and I highly recommend you pick yourself up a copy. In this specific case I would buy over library, as there is space for writing, and if you're like me, you're going to want to flag pages and highlight passages.

[Ebojang · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a refreshingly honest guide to caring for yourself with as much gentleness and love that you care for your children. It is practical, research and experience based, and positive without being dry or fake. Rebecca really has given parents (especially moms, in this book) a beautiful gift- permission and tools and exercises to care for yourself as well as your kids. It’s great especially for parents of small demanding children!

[Eszter Beáta · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I was laughing a lot while reading it. The autor gives a lot of good examples and ideas about how to be a good and happy mother. If you feel yourself depressed, you sholud read this book.

Szerettem ezt a könyvet. Rengeteget nevettem olvasás közben. Sok jó példát és ötletet ad a szerző, hogyan lehet jó és boldog anya. Ha nyomottnak érzed magad, el kellene olvasd ezt a könyvet!

[Megan H · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book incredible helpful and lighthearted! There were so many quotable sentences that summed up either exactly how I feel as a parent or were exactly what I needed to hear! I especially liked that there were action ideas to implement into everyday parenting routines! Highly recommend this book.

[Erin Hatch · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very well written book. I have to be choosy with parenting books, as there are an abundance of books on this topic, which can be overwhelming. I appreciated the little lessons and reminders in each chapter. I'm excited to go back and browse through it, reinforcing my favorite parts of the book into my learning.

[Nourkuw · Rating 5 out of 5]

كتاب ممتع يجمع بين الطرافة والحكمة، يدعوك إلى الاحتفاء بنعمة الأمومة، تذكر الكاتبة الأم بالاعتناء بنفسها أولاً كي تكون أم سعيدة لأولادها وقادرة على تقديم الأفضل لهم، الكتاب مليء بالأفكار الملهمة التي تحتاجها كل أم ، وبالإضافة إلى ذلك يحتوي الكتاب على أسئلة للتدوين تطرحينها على نفسك ، وتكون الإجابات مفتاح للتطوير في حياتك كأم

[Asma · Rating 2 out of 5]

نجمتان للجهود في شرح ما تمرّ به الأمهات. للشعور بقيمة الأم من أم أخرى. بدلا من النماذج الكثيرة التي تشعرك بأنك وحدك من تخوضين معركة الأمومة بينما الأمومة بالنسبة لهنّ بساط حريريّ وديع ومريح لا يكلّفهنّ أعصابهنّ وصحتهنّ البدنية والنّفسية.

[Alysa]

Guilt inducing.