4.25 stars
Somehow, reading the blurb I thought this was going to be a light book. It wasn't. For its setting, it was surprisingly emotional and raw. Just to mention-I'm huge fan of the Troubleshooter series, but this book just GOT to me. Mostly 'cause of Jericho.
Jericho Beaumont has hit rock bottom 5 years ago and he just can't seem to find his way back to the top. This movie is the opportunity of a lifetime and he would do anything to play in this movie. Even surrender his privacy and pride by signing a contract that enables the producers to constantly watch him, control him, watch him for any hint of substance abuse...
"He forced his anger and his shame away, and made himself feel nothing as he signed both copies of the agreement, writing the date next to his name. He sensed Kate standing behind him, and as he put the pen down, he turned to her, not bothering to hide the emptiness in his eyes."
Jericho, aka Jed is an incredible character. He struggles every day to overcome his addiction. He has been through hell and his entire life he wanted just this-to be an actor. He's vulnerable, but used to keeping people away, by acting, playing the role of a laid back playboy. I loved him more than I can say, so kudos to Ms. Brockmann for writing such a deep, incredible character.
“You know, if you weren’t my producer, I’d tell you that for some people, the craving never goes away. It’s always back there, lurking, day after day. And if I really wanted to scare you to death, I might even tell you that there hasn’t been one single day in the past five years, four months, and twenty-two days, that I haven’t wished for a drink. And that’s why some very smart person made up that slogan, one day at a time. See, instead of saying that I’ve got to stay sober another five years— which sounds pretty impossible—all I have to do is make it through today. Hell, all I have to do is get through the next few hours without taking a drink. And then I have to get through the next few hours until another day is done. I can handle a few hours, and even if I can’t, I know I can handle a few minutes. And when you add all those minutes and hours together, presto change-o, what do you know? They become five years, four months, and twenty-two days. And you’ve got yourself a real life instead of a blur of binges and hangovers.”
“I learned to lie early.” Jericho’s soft southern drawl was warmer than ever in the darkness. “We learned to tell the neighbors that Daddy’s back was acting up, when, in truth, he’d drunk himself into a stupor again. And I don’t know how many times I told the school nurse that my lip was split or my eye was black because I walked into a door or a tree or fell off my bike. Hell, I didn’t even have a bike, but I figured she wouldn’t know that. I liked telling the lies, because in order to convince her that what I was saying was true, I had to believe it myself. And I liked believing I had a bike I could fall off of. I liked being this other kid whose father really did have a bad back.”
At first i really disliked Kate. because seen through Jed's eyes her mistrust caused him pain and shame. But as the story goes on we see that she has been through so much, too. And seeing them come together was great. Still, there were things I didn't like about her and, to me, she faded in comparison to the Greatness That Is Jed.
I really wanted to hate her when she said.
“True, Jed had been clean for more than five years, but he’d told her today that staying sober was painfully difficult. Who in their right mind would want to deal with that on an ongoing basis?”
And I actually succeeded for a while. Then there are these situations...
“She didn’t want Jericho, she corrected herself. She wanted Laramie. And those were two very different things.”
"His smile of relief was genuine.
At least she thought it was genuine.
He was, however, the best actor she’d ever met in her life."
"Had she ever seen the real Jed? Or had he always just flip-flopped between Jericho and Laramie?"
Laramie is the role Jed plays in the movie. This is one of the strangest relationship problem I've ever seen. She's constantly worried about his reactions-Are they genuine or not? Is he acting?
Even stranger, sometimes, in his POV, we see that he does start doing it when he's extremely uncomfortable. But don't we all pretend we're ok when we're not? It was made such a big deal. And later when we learn it is, I could see the problem, but, I don't know.
Here is his statement which loved...
“I’m probably going to need to be in therapy until the day I die. I’m never going to be very good at just… talking about how I feel. Most of the time I don’t even know how the hell I feel. But I know when I’m with you, I actually like myself. For the first time in my life, I don’t have to pretend to be someone else.
I know I’m not the easiest person in the world to live with. And I can’t guarantee that I won’t slip back into any old bad habits. I know you still don’t really trust me, but I don’t resent that. Really. I don’t blame you—I’m okay with it. I’ll just keep on working to reestablish myself as someone worthy of your trust.
“Meanwhile, I’ll keep trying to be honest with you and tell you how I feel. But the truth is, there’s really only one promise that I can make you, and it’s that I’ll love you forever.”
In the end, I adored Jed, thought Kate was so-so and found the acting-all-the-time-suspicions slightly weird.
The filming was very interesting, the side characters as well and I thought the problems of addiction and overcoming one's past were handled very well here.