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The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life
This “comforting…thoughtful” (The Washington Post) guide to maintaining a high quality of life—from resilient old age to the first inklings of a serious illness to the final breath—by the New York Times bestselling author of Knocking on Heaven’s Door is a “roadmap to the end that combines medical, practical, and spiritual guidance” (The Boston Globe).
“A common sense path to define what a ‘good’ death looks like” (USA TODAY), The Art of Dying Well is about living as well as possible for as long as possible and adapting successfully to change. Packed with extraordinarily helpful insights and inspiring true stories, award-winning journalist Katy Butler shows how to thrive in later life (even when coping with a chronic medical condition), how to get the best from our health system, and how to make your own “good death” more likely. Butler explains how to successfully age in place, why to pick a younger doctor and how to have an honest conversation with them, when not to call 911, and how to make your death a sacred rite of passage rather than a medical event. This handbook of preparations—practical, communal, physical, and spiritual—will help you make the most of your remaining time, be it decades, years, or months.
Based on Butler’s experience caring for aging parents, and hundreds of interviews with people who have successfully navigated our fragmented health system and helped their loved ones have good deaths, The Art of Dying Well also draws on the expertise of national leaders in family medicine, palliative care, geriatrics, oncology, and hospice. This “empowering guide clearly outlines the steps necessary to prepare for a beautiful death without fear” (Shelf Awareness).
“A common sense path to define what a ‘good’ death looks like” (USA TODAY), The Art of Dying Well is about living as well as possible for as long as possible and adapting successfully to change. Packed with extraordinarily helpful insights and inspiring true stories, award-winning journalist Katy Butler shows how to thrive in later life (even when coping with a chronic medical condition), how to get the best from our health system, and how to make your own “good death” more likely. Butler explains how to successfully age in place, why to pick a younger doctor and how to have an honest conversation with them, when not to call 911, and how to make your death a sacred rite of passage rather than a medical event. This handbook of preparations—practical, communal, physical, and spiritual—will help you make the most of your remaining time, be it decades, years, or months.
Based on Butler’s experience caring for aging parents, and hundreds of interviews with people who have successfully navigated our fragmented health system and helped their loved ones have good deaths, The Art of Dying Well also draws on the expertise of national leaders in family medicine, palliative care, geriatrics, oncology, and hospice. This “empowering guide clearly outlines the steps necessary to prepare for a beautiful death without fear” (Shelf Awareness).
288 pages, Audible Audio
First published February 19, 2019
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April 9, 2019As I get older and loved ones die, the question of a good death has become important to me. Not only to help those I love leave this life as peacefully as possible but also that my own death will be the same. I have read many books on death and dying but none has resonated with me as much as
The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life by Katy Butler. It is a practical guide to all stages of the stages of life and of dying. It is well organized and includes a glossary, resources, notes, an index and many thought provoking as well as ways to plan for that best death.
If I'm not to die without a struggle in the middle of the night, I want to be ready, I want my family to know my wishes, I want my doctors to listen to me, I want palliative care, I want to face death and look it in the eye on my terms. I also want to be able to help those that will go before me do the same.
I borrowed this book from my local library but need my own copy. I'd like to buy a few copies to give to others. The Art of Dying Well is chock full of useful information but is also a personal read, a personal journey, a personal experience for each individual. Highly recommended.
The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life by Katy Butler. It is a practical guide to all stages of the stages of life and of dying. It is well organized and includes a glossary, resources, notes, an index and many thought provoking as well as ways to plan for that best death.
If I'm not to die without a struggle in the middle of the night, I want to be ready, I want my family to know my wishes, I want my doctors to listen to me, I want palliative care, I want to face death and look it in the eye on my terms. I also want to be able to help those that will go before me do the same.
I borrowed this book from my local library but need my own copy. I'd like to buy a few copies to give to others. The Art of Dying Well is chock full of useful information but is also a personal read, a personal journey, a personal experience for each individual. Highly recommended.
May 29, 2019
I, at the age of 56, suffered a massive stroke/brain bleed(ICH) that landed me in a coma and in an NRICU for almost two months. I miraculously survived, and on my way to most likely a full recovery. This incident ignited my interest in neuroscience, as well as Cognitive Reserve, and the art of being in control of our one's own death... especially now that the whole globe is aging.
An article I once read written by a Japanese MD suggested not to call an ambulance for your elders if they prefer a natural and peaceful death, otherwise their life would be extended uneccessarily, and even painfully.I was too young and healthy before my Intracranial bleed to understand the reason behind this wise point. Now that I'm older and wiser, and came back from a close brush with death, I highly recommend this book to anyone who is curious, intelligent, and want to be in control of something which supposed to be as simple and as natural as birth. Plan ahead, be prepared, and let yourself, not palliative care, ICU, your children, or God forbid, government appointed guardians making the decision for you. Death shouldn't be scary or avoided. It's part of a well-lived life. Reading this book great place to start planning the last stop of your amazing journey.
An article I once read written by a Japanese MD suggested not to call an ambulance for your elders if they prefer a natural and peaceful death, otherwise their life would be extended uneccessarily, and even painfully.I was too young and healthy before my Intracranial bleed to understand the reason behind this wise point. Now that I'm older and wiser, and came back from a close brush with death, I highly recommend this book to anyone who is curious, intelligent, and want to be in control of something which supposed to be as simple and as natural as birth. Plan ahead, be prepared, and let yourself, not palliative care, ICU, your children, or God forbid, government appointed guardians making the decision for you. Death shouldn't be scary or avoided. It's part of a well-lived life. Reading this book great place to start planning the last stop of your amazing journey.
March 6, 2019
This is a book to own and have on hand. Even if you think you’re nowhere near the age to concern yourself about the manner of your death, the odds are overwhelming that someone you care for is or will be in the not very distant future. When that time comes this practical and thoughtful guide nearby will be invaluable. Much as I think “Being Mortal” was moving as was “When Breath Becomes Air” , this is the book that I would be likely to refer to time and again.
May 7, 2019
I cannot recommend this book enough. No, it may not be as "exciting" as that historical fiction book you can't wait to get your hands on, but it is marvelous. After finishing it, I've ordered it, as I want o take notes in the margins, copy, underline, have my husband read it, talk to my children about my hopes for my own and my loved ones' deaths. I have work to do...I need to sit and ponder and pray through some of the challenges in this book and ask myself some tough questions...but I am excited to do so, and look forward to exploring this very important subject.
February 19, 2019
I was in the midst of reading Butler's first book, Knocking on Heaven's Door, the week before my dad died. It heavily influenced my thoughts and actions to not prolong my dad's suffering during his final days. Now I find myself with Butler's second book, The Art of Dying Well being published, as my mom reaches the end of her life. It is quite timely for me to understand the different stages my mother is navigating.
But The Art of Dying Well isn't just about one's parents. Most baby boomers are unprepared for navigating their own aging. I suggest reading it well before you need it. Knowledge is power, and Butler's book has given me the gift of learning more now, while things are relatively calm. A crisis visit to an ER isn't the time to cram in education and research. You may need to be an advocate for yourself or someone you love sooner than later. I will suggest the book to my siblings and friends, which will hopefully lead to meaningful conversation and planning to support each other through our elder years. I am grateful for Butler's practical guide, which is filled with wisdom and resources. I anticipate referring to it again and again as I age.
But The Art of Dying Well isn't just about one's parents. Most baby boomers are unprepared for navigating their own aging. I suggest reading it well before you need it. Knowledge is power, and Butler's book has given me the gift of learning more now, while things are relatively calm. A crisis visit to an ER isn't the time to cram in education and research. You may need to be an advocate for yourself or someone you love sooner than later. I will suggest the book to my siblings and friends, which will hopefully lead to meaningful conversation and planning to support each other through our elder years. I am grateful for Butler's practical guide, which is filled with wisdom and resources. I anticipate referring to it again and again as I age.
February 19, 2019
Read The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life by Katy Butler if you’re going to die. Read it if you have aging parents or friends, to help guide them on the inevitable journey toward death. Read it if you have children, to prepare your dying so that they don’t have to make decisions that you can make. Read this book if you want practical tips on how to live better now so that you die better when it’s your time. Read this book if you don’t want to die in an Intensive Care Unit, with a tube down your throat so that you can’t say your last words. Read this book if you want a Good Death for yourself and those whom you love.
Butler offers, “a compass and the beginnings of a map” on how to die well, a practice that our ancestors knew well how to do. In past times (as well as in some parts of the world today) people were familiar with death, prior to the medicalization of illness. Until recently, most people died at home, not in hospitals. Life was not prolonged by medical interventions. And if they were lucky, the dying weren’t in excruciating pain, but at home in their own beds, tended to by family. And while most of us say we want to die that way, today, in America, two thirds of us die in nursing homes, institutions, and hospitals.
This book provides ways in which we can reclaim our aging and our dying so that when it comes, we are closer to having a good death. Butler, interviewing hundreds of people, has divided her book into sections:
Resilience
Slowing Down
Adaptation
Awareness of Mortality
House of Cards
Preparing for a Good Death
Active Dying
And the conclusion, Toward a New Art of Dying.
Each section begins with a list of how to recognize where you (or your loved one) fit on the journey. For example, Resilience starts with “You easily blow out the candles on your fiftieth or sixtieth birthday cake,” and details how to use this time to bolster your physical, mental and spiritual health. At each stage, Butler offers anecdotes of people, suggestions, and concrete things to do. Along the way, the reader is comforted by tangible steps to take to make the inevitable end better.
The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life details clearly our choices along the way that can enhance our chances to have a good death. Butler raises topics such as when to have and not have surgeries, the pros and cons of interventions, and when to consider calling hospice. She suggests ways to stave off loneliness, to create habits now that will serve us for the remainder of our days, and the benefits of preparing for death.
Because we all will die, and The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life is a book that we all should read. And please read it NOW, because you are going to die, and there is a lot that you can do, no matter your age or the condition of your health, to try to assure a good ending to your life.
(I received this book from the publisher with a promise to write a fair and unbiased review.)
Katie Amatruda, PsyD, MFT, BCETS
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASI...
Butler offers, “a compass and the beginnings of a map” on how to die well, a practice that our ancestors knew well how to do. In past times (as well as in some parts of the world today) people were familiar with death, prior to the medicalization of illness. Until recently, most people died at home, not in hospitals. Life was not prolonged by medical interventions. And if they were lucky, the dying weren’t in excruciating pain, but at home in their own beds, tended to by family. And while most of us say we want to die that way, today, in America, two thirds of us die in nursing homes, institutions, and hospitals.
This book provides ways in which we can reclaim our aging and our dying so that when it comes, we are closer to having a good death. Butler, interviewing hundreds of people, has divided her book into sections:
Resilience
Slowing Down
Adaptation
Awareness of Mortality
House of Cards
Preparing for a Good Death
Active Dying
And the conclusion, Toward a New Art of Dying.
Each section begins with a list of how to recognize where you (or your loved one) fit on the journey. For example, Resilience starts with “You easily blow out the candles on your fiftieth or sixtieth birthday cake,” and details how to use this time to bolster your physical, mental and spiritual health. At each stage, Butler offers anecdotes of people, suggestions, and concrete things to do. Along the way, the reader is comforted by tangible steps to take to make the inevitable end better.
The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life details clearly our choices along the way that can enhance our chances to have a good death. Butler raises topics such as when to have and not have surgeries, the pros and cons of interventions, and when to consider calling hospice. She suggests ways to stave off loneliness, to create habits now that will serve us for the remainder of our days, and the benefits of preparing for death.
Because we all will die, and The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life is a book that we all should read. And please read it NOW, because you are going to die, and there is a lot that you can do, no matter your age or the condition of your health, to try to assure a good ending to your life.
(I received this book from the publisher with a promise to write a fair and unbiased review.)
Katie Amatruda, PsyD, MFT, BCETS
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASI...
March 9, 2020
This is a good book. I totally agree with all the main points: death is best at home if feasible; all-holds-barred medical treatment is not always best; we need to make palliative and hospice care much more available; and we should be more knowledgeable and should make preparations for old age and death. I hope the book is a best seller. I liked it, but was mildly disappointed.
I like Katy Butler's writing, and I gave five stars to Knocking on Heaven's Door. But that was her own story. Here she is writing kind of a self-help book - about death!?
Most of what is in the book is good advice. I'm sure that someone who hasn't read or experienced much decline and dying can get a LOT out of it. But much of it is basic common-sense advice that is useful mostly to people who haven't that exposure.
It's arranged by stage of life heading eventually to death. I liked the stories of people in each stage. Even so, I almost quit in the earlier chapters because the information was so (to me) obvious. The later chapters had some solid information that was new to me and of interest.
I like Katy Butler's writing, and I gave five stars to Knocking on Heaven's Door. But that was her own story. Here she is writing kind of a self-help book - about death!?
Most of what is in the book is good advice. I'm sure that someone who hasn't read or experienced much decline and dying can get a LOT out of it. But much of it is basic common-sense advice that is useful mostly to people who haven't that exposure.
It's arranged by stage of life heading eventually to death. I liked the stories of people in each stage. Even so, I almost quit in the earlier chapters because the information was so (to me) obvious. The later chapters had some solid information that was new to me and of interest.
January 7, 2021
Durch eine Booktube-Rezension vom Kanal "Bücherliebe" (verlinke ich unten) wurde ich auf diesen Titel aufmerksam. Da ich im Jahr 2020 fünf mir nahestehende Menschen verloren habe und zusätzlich ein Verwandter ersten Grades eine schwere Diagnose bekommen hat, war das Thema Tod bei mir im Moment leider omnipräsent. Daher habe ich mich entschlossen, dieses Buch zu kaufen.
Aber auch wenn das bei einem persönlich nicht der Fall sein sollte, finde ich, dass jede Person im mittleren Alter und bei guter Gesundheit dieses Buch lesen sollte.
Es beginnt damit, was man schon bei guter Gesundheit tun kann, um weiterhin möglichst lange ein gutes Leben zu führen (Versicherungsmodell finden, Medikamente prüfen, etc.). Es räumt mit Missverständnissen ("In ein Hospiz geht man kurz vorm Tod", etc.) auf und gibt unglaublich viele nützliche praktische Tipps, zum Beispiel dazu, welche Fragen man sich stellen sollte, wann man das idealerweise tun sollte und an wen. Es ist kein schönes Thema, aber ein wichtiges und das einzige, was uns wirklich ausnahmslos alle betrifft. Diese Lektüre ist ein sehr guter erster Weg, sich sachlich reflektiert damit auseinander zu setzen.
Einziges Manko: Die Autorin ist Amerikanerin und das Buch ist auf das amerikanische Gesundheits- und Versicherungssystem ausgelegt. Fußnoten verweisen aber zum Teil auf deutsche Webseiten.
Rezension von Melanie (Bücherliebe)
https://youtu.be/hhv1fJZyFtQ
Aber auch wenn das bei einem persönlich nicht der Fall sein sollte, finde ich, dass jede Person im mittleren Alter und bei guter Gesundheit dieses Buch lesen sollte.
Es beginnt damit, was man schon bei guter Gesundheit tun kann, um weiterhin möglichst lange ein gutes Leben zu führen (Versicherungsmodell finden, Medikamente prüfen, etc.). Es räumt mit Missverständnissen ("In ein Hospiz geht man kurz vorm Tod", etc.) auf und gibt unglaublich viele nützliche praktische Tipps, zum Beispiel dazu, welche Fragen man sich stellen sollte, wann man das idealerweise tun sollte und an wen. Es ist kein schönes Thema, aber ein wichtiges und das einzige, was uns wirklich ausnahmslos alle betrifft. Diese Lektüre ist ein sehr guter erster Weg, sich sachlich reflektiert damit auseinander zu setzen.
Einziges Manko: Die Autorin ist Amerikanerin und das Buch ist auf das amerikanische Gesundheits- und Versicherungssystem ausgelegt. Fußnoten verweisen aber zum Teil auf deutsche Webseiten.
Rezension von Melanie (Bücherliebe)
https://youtu.be/hhv1fJZyFtQ
August 21, 2019
I originally thought this was going to be another 5 star book on preparing for a Good Death, but something happened near the end of the book. And a little bit in the middle.
I like how the book’s chapters are oriented to “stages” of aging and dying, with ways to assess your current stage(s). The book gives many good pointers and lots of information on how to prepare for your’s or a loved one’s good death. Having read several books on this subject, I was delightfully surprised to find things that other books didn’t cover, things I had not thought about.
I was caught up short however when the author stated that despite thorough preparation for such, a good death at home was outside the reach of most. She spends a lot of time describing ideal situations with programs limited to a few areas of the country. That is not what a reader with a terminal illness who wants to die at home wants to hear. I’m aware that one’s death may not go as one wants - contingency plans are good to include. But please don’t tell me that unless I am covered by Kaiser Permanente or the PACE program, etc. I will probably end up dying in a nursing home.
At the close of the book there is a Glossary which is helpful in defining acronyms and translating doctor-speak. However, the author steps over the line of helpful when she includes the hospital slang, which is often dehumanizing (EG. “circling the drain” or the terms for frail older people). Why include these?
It has taken writing this review for me to see that what this book lacks is “heart”. Yes it is good with the facts, but it lacks the compassion of the other recent books of this genre.
As always, I take what is useful and leave the rest.
I like how the book’s chapters are oriented to “stages” of aging and dying, with ways to assess your current stage(s). The book gives many good pointers and lots of information on how to prepare for your’s or a loved one’s good death. Having read several books on this subject, I was delightfully surprised to find things that other books didn’t cover, things I had not thought about.
I was caught up short however when the author stated that despite thorough preparation for such, a good death at home was outside the reach of most. She spends a lot of time describing ideal situations with programs limited to a few areas of the country. That is not what a reader with a terminal illness who wants to die at home wants to hear. I’m aware that one’s death may not go as one wants - contingency plans are good to include. But please don’t tell me that unless I am covered by Kaiser Permanente or the PACE program, etc. I will probably end up dying in a nursing home.
At the close of the book there is a Glossary which is helpful in defining acronyms and translating doctor-speak. However, the author steps over the line of helpful when she includes the hospital slang, which is often dehumanizing (EG. “circling the drain” or the terms for frail older people). Why include these?
It has taken writing this review for me to see that what this book lacks is “heart”. Yes it is good with the facts, but it lacks the compassion of the other recent books of this genre.
As always, I take what is useful and leave the rest.
April 28, 2020
Must preface by saying that I am a palliative care provider. An approachable book to learn about basic concepts & principals of palliative care which I think is worth knowing about PRIOR to major health catastrophe for yourself or even a loved one. I get frustrated about how little our society is exposed to death and how much death is feared as the worst possible medical outcome; death is a natural process that’s been so over-medicalized. A result of this phenomenon is that people are completely ill prepared on how to deal/cope/approach decision making at end of life. I’ve seen some really unfortunate things happen at end of life because of unpreparedness, unwillingness/inability to have hard conversations with family and with doctors (for many complicated reasons) at end of life and before. Furthermore a complete misunderstanding of palliative care often leads to denying loved ones or people denying themselves of an approach and services that would really help them. That being said, I personally didn’t really gain any new information or insights from reading this book; actually that’s not completely true...there were a few ideas and resources mentioned that I might look into incorporating into my practice. The book is American and many of the logistics/system details around access to palliative care etc would not be relevant as my patients are in Canada. However I did appreciate a glimpse in to the American system; that was eye opening.
May 10, 2019
I was aware of much of the frustrating aspects of palliative and end-of-life care due to my career in oncology. I applaud Ms. Butler for her call-to-arms for all of us to push for Medicare/insurance reform to change to quality of life care and not the "do-everything-at-any-cost-until-the -very-end care". I believe this book should be given to every person at their first Medicare physical.
April 2, 2025
I read this to get more information about aging and dying for my professional role as a hospice social worker. However, I think this book would be beneficial to everyone: individuals grappling with their own decline, family members inhabiting caregiving roles, and anyone who feels uncomfortable talking about dying. I appreciated this book for its honest and practical tools. It truly is a guide that I believe all would eventually benefit from.
August 19, 2025
“As it stands now, the reimbursement system is practically engineered to produce expensive, overly medicalized deaths, full of unnecessary suffering”
This book speaks directly to someone actively dying and uses personal stories to hit home points. Those stories were insightful and tear jerkers, and good points were made, but it was pretty repetitive.
Fingers crossed for that “good enough” death: “where we keep the dying as comfortable and pain free as possible. So stay in the driver’s seat. Make the best decisions you can in light of uncertainty and your gut sense of what you can tolerate.”
This book speaks directly to someone actively dying and uses personal stories to hit home points. Those stories were insightful and tear jerkers, and good points were made, but it was pretty repetitive.
Fingers crossed for that “good enough” death: “where we keep the dying as comfortable and pain free as possible. So stay in the driver’s seat. Make the best decisions you can in light of uncertainty and your gut sense of what you can tolerate.”
Want to read
May 15, 2023I read some (~1/3) about 2019, but was not able to finish.
I liked much of what I read, but got overwhelmed by the details and trying to help with my aging Mom and Dad.
But the ideological bias of the author rubbed me the wrong way - she was just too statist for my taste.
That is, she thought the government should pay for all sorts of things, never hinting that taxpayers are the real payers and government is just a VERY expensive intermediary, that screws up all sorts of incentives, costs, ethics, etc.
So, the practical advice was good (as far as I got) but the ethics and worldview was not quite Kosher with me and I bet many people who would think about it carefully.
I liked much of what I read, but got overwhelmed by the details and trying to help with my aging Mom and Dad.
But the ideological bias of the author rubbed me the wrong way - she was just too statist for my taste.
That is, she thought the government should pay for all sorts of things, never hinting that taxpayers are the real payers and government is just a VERY expensive intermediary, that screws up all sorts of incentives, costs, ethics, etc.
So, the practical advice was good (as far as I got) but the ethics and worldview was not quite Kosher with me and I bet many people who would think about it carefully.
July 13, 2022
For some reason I thought this would be more along the style of a self-help book, but it's actually a practical guide to end of life care and tips. I would highly recommend this as required reading for anyone who is going to die but also more importantly for anyone who has aging parents or grandparents.
October 21, 2022
Great book. 4.5.
It took me sinking to read this book because there was so much info each chapter. This book is definitely written for older people, as most of the book deals with end of life care or post retirement. I appreciated the book, but wonder how much will change by the time I (26y) will have to start considering these things.
Also confirmed a lot of what I already thought about medicine and hospice. I will definitely be recommending this book.
It took me sinking to read this book because there was so much info each chapter. This book is definitely written for older people, as most of the book deals with end of life care or post retirement. I appreciated the book, but wonder how much will change by the time I (26y) will have to start considering these things.
Also confirmed a lot of what I already thought about medicine and hospice. I will definitely be recommending this book.
July 17, 2024
Must read if you or a loved one is likely within the last ten years of your life. Working with geriatric patients, I really really REALLY wish all my patients and their families would read this.
August 3, 2019
I finished this book a day after the 3rd anniversary of my mom’s death. I wish I would have read this before she died. There is practical advice on navigating the healthcare system as it relates to long term and terminal illness. There are real life stories of how people met their deaths. There is information on how to help a loved one die a beautiful death. Remove machines, play music, open the windows, read a poem, sing, say a prayer are examples of this. I regret not doing this for my mom in her hospice room. The information she gives about what is wrong with our health care system was eye opening. I didn’t know that oncologists are allowed to mark up your chemo drugs for their profit and often prescribe chemos that will almost certainly cause more harm than good to get more money or simply ease their fear of a lawsuit as you might sue if not every avenue is explored regardless of probable outcome. The back of the book has a helpful glossary and provides lists of resources for you and your family. It’s an invaluable book for those who are caregivers and those contemplating their own passing.
November 2, 2019
This is a well researched and documented book. My sister and I read it while my dad was in hospice. I wish I had read it sooner but it will definitely help us with my mom and preparing for our own end of life.
I checked it out from the library and but since it contains so much reference information I will most likely purchase a copy for myself.
I checked it out from the library and but since it contains so much reference information I will most likely purchase a copy for myself.
May 17, 2019
This book lives up to its name -- a practical guide. Katy Butler has written a beautiful, practical book for the end-of-life. I especially love how she introduced each chapter as a different stage in the letting go / end-of-life process and used a checklist to identify markers of that stage.
I truly think this book will be a help to many people and their caregivers who are navigating our current healthcare system and what matters most at the end of life.
I truly think this book will be a help to many people and their caregivers who are navigating our current healthcare system and what matters most at the end of life.
July 9, 2019
This mediocre book just skims the surface of decisions that need to be made throughout the various stages of "dying," which the author seems to define as anything that happens once you start to forget where you put your car keys in your 50s.
The information is organized in stage-by-stage chapters, which actually isn't as helpful as you'd think. Each chapter is scattered with very little actual practical content and bounces from one topic to the next without any sense or depth. It feels unorganized and unfocused, with mostly common-sense stuff that reads like a Consumer Reports article with basic tips for how to deal with medical issues.
The author loves HMOs and government-funded plans. She complains a lot about how the medical industry encourages keeping people alive for a long time. And there is way too much time spent on the idea of ending one's own life. It was a little shocking actually that a book with this title would have very little in it about the actual spiritual aspect of the end stages of life, but have no problem seemingly endorsing hiding things from your doctors in order to end your or a family member's life on your own terms. She doesn't exactly say to lie, but she certainly praises those that withhold information or delay notifying doctors in order to do their own end of life ceremonies.
I'd skip this mistitled book--it didn't provide much new and certainly didn't give many practical tips on having a "good end of life."
The information is organized in stage-by-stage chapters, which actually isn't as helpful as you'd think. Each chapter is scattered with very little actual practical content and bounces from one topic to the next without any sense or depth. It feels unorganized and unfocused, with mostly common-sense stuff that reads like a Consumer Reports article with basic tips for how to deal with medical issues.
The author loves HMOs and government-funded plans. She complains a lot about how the medical industry encourages keeping people alive for a long time. And there is way too much time spent on the idea of ending one's own life. It was a little shocking actually that a book with this title would have very little in it about the actual spiritual aspect of the end stages of life, but have no problem seemingly endorsing hiding things from your doctors in order to end your or a family member's life on your own terms. She doesn't exactly say to lie, but she certainly praises those that withhold information or delay notifying doctors in order to do their own end of life ceremonies.
I'd skip this mistitled book--it didn't provide much new and certainly didn't give many practical tips on having a "good end of life."
July 12, 2021
3 1/2 stars. Some practical advice, but some not so - if you don't live in a place where certain services are available, it's difficult to utilize them. I definitely agree that heroic measures should not be a part of the end of life, but sometimes the system itself is the enemy, and very hard to buck.
August 17, 2019
This is one of those books that everyone should read. It's a page turner and it normalizes death in a way I personally never thought possible. It's mainly directed at older people, but even if you're still young, vibrant, healthy and well, and death is decades away - please read it. Do it.
October 21, 2019
Let me start by saying, I am not dying, at least not any more than anybody else is. So why am I interested in this book. First, my parents died in the past five years, so death has been on my mind. Also my wife’s cousin recommended an article by the author, Katy Butler.
Is this book good? Yes. It is practical with lots of bullet point recommendations, along with many stories of those who faced death in various circumstances. Having said that, who is this book good for? It is aimed at those who are pondering what kind of death they would like to have. Those in their 60’s is the preferable target audience. Does Butler have any special leanings? Yes. She thinks that as we get older, medical procedures are too invasive and not particularly effective in improving a person’s quality of life; medicine can cause its own problems with confusion and balance; home hospice is the best place to die.
This is a book which is a good guide to ponder how you want to die and how to prepare for death. Butler’s goal is to prolong your ability to enjoy your life, even as you age. As part of this, she gives you an understanding of how to increase your time of health. This is a theme of the book. Eventually you will have a choice-lengthen your life by medical means or learn to enjoy your life as your body declines. Her preference is to continue to enjoy life rather than be inflected with medical procedures.
Either way you choose, this is a book which will cause you to think about your mortality. It gives you the tools to take charge of your life and death.
For more of my thoughts, please see my book blog.
Is this book good? Yes. It is practical with lots of bullet point recommendations, along with many stories of those who faced death in various circumstances. Having said that, who is this book good for? It is aimed at those who are pondering what kind of death they would like to have. Those in their 60’s is the preferable target audience. Does Butler have any special leanings? Yes. She thinks that as we get older, medical procedures are too invasive and not particularly effective in improving a person’s quality of life; medicine can cause its own problems with confusion and balance; home hospice is the best place to die.
This is a book which is a good guide to ponder how you want to die and how to prepare for death. Butler’s goal is to prolong your ability to enjoy your life, even as you age. As part of this, she gives you an understanding of how to increase your time of health. This is a theme of the book. Eventually you will have a choice-lengthen your life by medical means or learn to enjoy your life as your body declines. Her preference is to continue to enjoy life rather than be inflected with medical procedures.
Either way you choose, this is a book which will cause you to think about your mortality. It gives you the tools to take charge of your life and death.
For more of my thoughts, please see my book blog.
September 29, 2024
The art of dying well!
It's a nice well written book that summarizes many other books that hint for you the best way to live a healthy and satisfying life that would prepare you to leave this earth with peace and contentment.
Mix and match for useful information about how you should live your life and what makes life worth living for you!
How you should tackle the death subject and make sure to open this conversation yearly at least once with your loved ones to make sure they are prepared for your departure
How to prioritize your life goals and lifestyle that you are content with and how to make sure to communicate this with your partner or family In case if these standards are not met then they can let you go In case of terminal illness or coma
How to prioritize healthy life if you have terminal illness instead of going through therapy that might degrade you or your remaining time on this earth
How to try to become an exchanger if you were a taker and then a giver of you were an exchanger ( hello Adam Grant)
The book is good intro for everyone to start accepting the cycle of life and the death that comes at the end of it .
While I don't fully understand or agree over the fact burdening people with myself once I'm old and sick but I guess this is how human been operating since the beginning of time maybe at least but I'd rather not to bother people with my illness or taking car of me in this case so having an elderly accomodation would the best approach if I reach that age as I'll make sure my loved ones are living their life without me hindering them with my demands and my illness ( this is just my approach ofc)
4 out of 5
It's a nice well written book that summarizes many other books that hint for you the best way to live a healthy and satisfying life that would prepare you to leave this earth with peace and contentment.
Mix and match for useful information about how you should live your life and what makes life worth living for you!
How you should tackle the death subject and make sure to open this conversation yearly at least once with your loved ones to make sure they are prepared for your departure
How to prioritize your life goals and lifestyle that you are content with and how to make sure to communicate this with your partner or family In case if these standards are not met then they can let you go In case of terminal illness or coma
How to prioritize healthy life if you have terminal illness instead of going through therapy that might degrade you or your remaining time on this earth
How to try to become an exchanger if you were a taker and then a giver of you were an exchanger ( hello Adam Grant)
The book is good intro for everyone to start accepting the cycle of life and the death that comes at the end of it .
While I don't fully understand or agree over the fact burdening people with myself once I'm old and sick but I guess this is how human been operating since the beginning of time maybe at least but I'd rather not to bother people with my illness or taking car of me in this case so having an elderly accomodation would the best approach if I reach that age as I'll make sure my loved ones are living their life without me hindering them with my demands and my illness ( this is just my approach ofc)
4 out of 5
July 26, 2023
Everyone with a life (and therefore a death) should read this, no matter their life stage, vocation, current health status, etc.
As technology and medicine continue to advance (which is wonderful, don’t get me wrong) and introduce more life saving treatments and procedures available to delay many would-be-natural-deaths, the discussion surrounding death, personal values and goals of care, and end-of-life agency is so important— and this book is a good starting point to give you the tools to have a voice in that discussion when you arrive in the later stages of life yourself, or while advocating for a loved one nearing death.
“The Art of Dying Well” is a thought-provoking narrative on the life-prolonging goals the medical system/industry is structured to serve (and how those may or may not align with your own goals/wishes for your last stages of life), as well as a practical guide to navigate through those systems as someone who is (or is caring for someone who is) approaching the end of life— starting all the way from prevention/building up reserves and planning ahead, to the end stages of actively dying.
There is a lot of focus on becoming more aware of what resources may be available to you, both within the medical system and externally, and making them work for you and your unique goals and values; claiming control and agency over the way you wish to live out your final years/months/days.
Also woven throughout the book is an ongoing discussion on philosophies of care, medicine, and dying, with a really beautiful emphasis on the spiritual and social/emotional sides of dying that are often overlooked.
Though many of the specific programs and services Butler refers to (sometimes in great depth) are regionally based and not easily accessible to most, I found the overall messaging of the book and the stories, tips, and opportunities for introspection to be just as valuable. There are also a ton of recommended readings and resources at the end of the book; definitely enough of a springboard to search for other similar services that may be more applicable to you.
Overall, it’s a great opportunity to reflect on your relationship with and perspective on death, figure out what a good death means to you, and get nice and comfy with your mortality.
As technology and medicine continue to advance (which is wonderful, don’t get me wrong) and introduce more life saving treatments and procedures available to delay many would-be-natural-deaths, the discussion surrounding death, personal values and goals of care, and end-of-life agency is so important— and this book is a good starting point to give you the tools to have a voice in that discussion when you arrive in the later stages of life yourself, or while advocating for a loved one nearing death.
“The Art of Dying Well” is a thought-provoking narrative on the life-prolonging goals the medical system/industry is structured to serve (and how those may or may not align with your own goals/wishes for your last stages of life), as well as a practical guide to navigate through those systems as someone who is (or is caring for someone who is) approaching the end of life— starting all the way from prevention/building up reserves and planning ahead, to the end stages of actively dying.
There is a lot of focus on becoming more aware of what resources may be available to you, both within the medical system and externally, and making them work for you and your unique goals and values; claiming control and agency over the way you wish to live out your final years/months/days.
Also woven throughout the book is an ongoing discussion on philosophies of care, medicine, and dying, with a really beautiful emphasis on the spiritual and social/emotional sides of dying that are often overlooked.
Though many of the specific programs and services Butler refers to (sometimes in great depth) are regionally based and not easily accessible to most, I found the overall messaging of the book and the stories, tips, and opportunities for introspection to be just as valuable. There are also a ton of recommended readings and resources at the end of the book; definitely enough of a springboard to search for other similar services that may be more applicable to you.
Overall, it’s a great opportunity to reflect on your relationship with and perspective on death, figure out what a good death means to you, and get nice and comfy with your mortality.
July 19, 2023
I’ve been reading books about death and dying because I feel wholly unprepared and unfamiliar with this aspect of life that everyone ultimately faces. I’ve been wanting to broach this topic before it was an urgent need, or too late, so I’m devoting some time this year to take what feels scary and stressful and learn a little bit more about it.
The book delivers on its title; this is a very practical guide for each of the major stages of aging. I think it’s helpful for those in the process and for those in a supportive role. Butler has a lot of practical tips regarding proactive things one can do, resources available to the elderly, sick, or impaired, and things to prioritize, keep in mind, and question. She also has a very humane approach to the end of life. She also lines out where you have rights as a patient, and how to advocate for your loved one if they cannot express their wishes. And she acknowledges that it can be an imperfect process. As she says, there’s no right way to die, and people’s experience with death varies wildly. Figuring out what matters most to people as their time starts to run shorter and shorter, and finding creative ways to honor that as much as possible, is really what’s most important.
I can’t say I feel good about dying, or losing loved ones, but this book helped me not feel so afraid of the process, even if it’s a long drawn out thing. It’s a big step.
The book delivers on its title; this is a very practical guide for each of the major stages of aging. I think it’s helpful for those in the process and for those in a supportive role. Butler has a lot of practical tips regarding proactive things one can do, resources available to the elderly, sick, or impaired, and things to prioritize, keep in mind, and question. She also has a very humane approach to the end of life. She also lines out where you have rights as a patient, and how to advocate for your loved one if they cannot express their wishes. And she acknowledges that it can be an imperfect process. As she says, there’s no right way to die, and people’s experience with death varies wildly. Figuring out what matters most to people as their time starts to run shorter and shorter, and finding creative ways to honor that as much as possible, is really what’s most important.
I can’t say I feel good about dying, or losing loved ones, but this book helped me not feel so afraid of the process, even if it’s a long drawn out thing. It’s a big step.
March 18, 2024
Excellent narrative on 'Ars Moriendi' or the art of dying well; thoroughly enjoyed the mix of philosophical musings, case histories and practical nuts-and-bolts pointers on how to organize your life with the inevitable end in mind. On the subject, be sure to check out: How We Die: Reflections of Life's Final Chapter, Slotcouplet. Ervaringen van een longarts (Dutch), The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully.
December 28, 2019
This book helped me process the death of my frail grandmother, as well as the death of a friend my age, who died of cancer. Some of it was detail-heavy on Medicare and the structure of the medical system. While this would be very helpful for many (and will certainly be a reference for me at some point), I benefited most from the stories and the frankness of the author on the physical dying process itself. Gawande's _Being Mortal_ was more engaging for me in some ways, but this is like the textbook you'll need in the thick of things. Both books were very excellent, and help fill a need for information on the end of life topic.
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December 30, 2019This is a great resource, I made way too many notes to share from it. It made me cry in a good way, I'm hoping that I will be able to utilize all the information in the book when anyone I know is dying. I've been on a journey to figure out a good death for my family since my older children were young, because their pre-school teacher shared the story of a death she had witnessed with and it gave me a vision of what could be different for loved ones. We all can benefit from changing the health system, so we can die as peacefully as possible.
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