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Trois amis en quête de sagesse: Un moine, un philisophe, un psychiatre nous parlent de l'essentiel.
Un moine, un philosophe, un psychiatre. Depuis longtemps, ils rêvaient d'écrire un livre d'ensemble, pour être utiles, pour apporter des réponses aux questions que tout être humain se pose sur la conduite de son existence. Quelles sont nos aspirations les plus profondes ? Comment diminuer le mal-être ? Comment vivre avec les autres ? Comment développer notre capacité au bonheur et à l’altruisme ? Comment devenir plus libre ?... Sur chaque thème, ils racontent leurs expériences, leurs efforts et les leçons apprises en chemin. Chaque fois, ils nous proposent des conseils. Leurs points de vue sont différents, mais ils se retrouvent sur l’essentiel. Un livre limpide et lumineux pour apprendre le métier de vivre.
479 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2018
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1437 people want to read
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January 25, 2022
Đọc lại lần 02 để làm booktalk, vẫn nhiều ngọc quý, vẫn hay như lần đầu tiên.
Lần này mình hiểu thêm về tuổi thơ, động lực và cách tiếp cận của 3 tác giả.
Người từ sự nghiệp học thuật chuyển sang phật giáo tây tạng, học tiếng này tiếng kia đủ thứ mà không học tiếng Anh, thành ra những ngày đầu tiên chỉ có thể giao tiếp qua sự hiện diện. Người thì dù đã hành nghề y nhưng thỉnh thoảng vẫn phải đối diện với sự lo lắng, nhạy cảm của bản thân. Người thì lớn lên với khuyết tật cơ thể, nhưng tâm hồn đủ đầy, để rồi xây dựng được gia đình hạnh phúc, bình an.
Cũng có chút mong muốn sau này có cuộc hội ngộ như vậy, 2-3 người bạn, ngồi bên nhau 1-2 tuần rồi nói về cuộc đời, về sự đổi thay.
Lần này mình hiểu thêm về tuổi thơ, động lực và cách tiếp cận của 3 tác giả.
Người từ sự nghiệp học thuật chuyển sang phật giáo tây tạng, học tiếng này tiếng kia đủ thứ mà không học tiếng Anh, thành ra những ngày đầu tiên chỉ có thể giao tiếp qua sự hiện diện. Người thì dù đã hành nghề y nhưng thỉnh thoảng vẫn phải đối diện với sự lo lắng, nhạy cảm của bản thân. Người thì lớn lên với khuyết tật cơ thể, nhưng tâm hồn đủ đầy, để rồi xây dựng được gia đình hạnh phúc, bình an.
Cũng có chút mong muốn sau này có cuộc hội ngộ như vậy, 2-3 người bạn, ngồi bên nhau 1-2 tuần rồi nói về cuộc đời, về sự đổi thay.
September 15, 2020
4.25
Sách có tên tiếng Việt là Bàn về cách sống.
Tác giả là bác sĩ, triết gia và nhà sư.
Vì đọc sách của nhau, mến mộ nhau rồi tìm tới nhau. Cả ba dành vài tuần để bàn luận về những chủ đề rất hay giao thoa văn hóa đông tây gồm Cái tôi (Ego), cảm xúc, sự sướng, sự khổ... và cách mà cả ba ứng dụng thiền thế nào vào cuộc sống đời thường.
Nếu bạn nào đã từng thích Dám bị ghét thì cuốn này sẽ mang lại thêm rất nhiều góc nhìn từ triết học, khoa học tới tâm linh những chủ đề đã được nhắc tới trong dám bị ghét. Mình xem nó như một cuốn nâng cao và toàn diện hơn so với Dám bị ghét và Dám hạnh phúc.
Hơi tiếc là bản dịch không tốt lắm. Không là mình cho nó 4.5 sao rồi.
Sách có tên tiếng Việt là Bàn về cách sống.
Tác giả là bác sĩ, triết gia và nhà sư.
Vì đọc sách của nhau, mến mộ nhau rồi tìm tới nhau. Cả ba dành vài tuần để bàn luận về những chủ đề rất hay giao thoa văn hóa đông tây gồm Cái tôi (Ego), cảm xúc, sự sướng, sự khổ... và cách mà cả ba ứng dụng thiền thế nào vào cuộc sống đời thường.
Nếu bạn nào đã từng thích Dám bị ghét thì cuốn này sẽ mang lại thêm rất nhiều góc nhìn từ triết học, khoa học tới tâm linh những chủ đề đã được nhắc tới trong dám bị ghét. Mình xem nó như một cuốn nâng cao và toàn diện hơn so với Dám bị ghét và Dám hạnh phúc.
Hơi tiếc là bản dịch không tốt lắm. Không là mình cho nó 4.5 sao rồi.
November 23, 2022
O carte care cuprinde lucrurile importante din viața. Altruismul, meditația, minimizarea suferinței , ,evitarea egoului sunt câteva soluții care ne fac mai buni și mai înțelepți.
February 20, 2017
Je connaissais et appréciais déjà les trois auteurs dans leurs œuvres respectives et j'ai été ravie de voir qu'ils sortaient un livre tous les trois !
Je n'ai pas du tout été déçue de ma lecture, au contraire ! Ce livre reprend les discussions qu'ont eues Christophe André, Alexandre Jollien et Matthieu Ricard à propos de divers sujets : l'écoute, la douleur, la consommation, la spiritualité, etc. Contrairement à ce qu'on pourrait penser ils ne sont pas toujours d'accord sur tout et leurs points de vue sont souvent complémentaires et enrichissants.
J'ai notamment beaucoup apprécié les parties sur l'écoute ou sur le corps et sa relation à la douleur qui pourront également m'aider dans ma pratique professionnelle. En tant que Psychologue je suis souvent amenée à travailler avec des personnes handicapées et il n'est pas toujours facile de trouver les mots pour aborder certains sujets.
Le côté "discussion" des échanges rend le tout très vivant et je ne l'ai trouvé ennuyeux à aucun moment. Ces trois auteurs confirment le bien que je pense de leurs œuvres et de leur façon de penser de manière générale et m'encouragent à aller vers plus de sérénité et de pleine conscience.
Je n'ai pas du tout été déçue de ma lecture, au contraire ! Ce livre reprend les discussions qu'ont eues Christophe André, Alexandre Jollien et Matthieu Ricard à propos de divers sujets : l'écoute, la douleur, la consommation, la spiritualité, etc. Contrairement à ce qu'on pourrait penser ils ne sont pas toujours d'accord sur tout et leurs points de vue sont souvent complémentaires et enrichissants.
J'ai notamment beaucoup apprécié les parties sur l'écoute ou sur le corps et sa relation à la douleur qui pourront également m'aider dans ma pratique professionnelle. En tant que Psychologue je suis souvent amenée à travailler avec des personnes handicapées et il n'est pas toujours facile de trouver les mots pour aborder certains sujets.
Le côté "discussion" des échanges rend le tout très vivant et je ne l'ai trouvé ennuyeux à aucun moment. Ces trois auteurs confirment le bien que je pense de leurs œuvres et de leur façon de penser de manière générale et m'encouragent à aller vers plus de sérénité et de pleine conscience.
March 14, 2020
Summary: A beautifully crafted book that blends three different ways of thinking about why we are actually here. It's amazing how books can inspire you to be a better person.
Please consider checking out my Vlog at either IG: WhereIsMayLing or on Youtube: Diary of a Speed Reader
A fantastic book for those that are trying to figure out which they believe or how to blend their beliefs (friends and family) in all 3. This will def make you think. This category for me is tough comps, but otherwise, I would def recommend.
- 'All humans are alike: we have to work hard to be better" They start the book out with the idea that they are more sharing then trying to be a leader or guide. They are a friend.
- As someone disabled, he talks about his aha of realizing that happiness was on the inside. He speaks of how we unlearn things from that childhood innocence which is actually the right mindset at the very beginning. what a curiosity!
"Wisdom is rooted in an art of living, in spiritual exercises that are practiced in the midst of daily life." Beautiful. It's not an academic intellectual thing.
- They talk about mystery and how that's important to Christianity. There is a compatibility between all 3 in the idea that there is this Mt. Kili that we are all trying to climb to be better people and that there are paths that wind in an imperfect way.
They talk about the fact that Buddha has become more popular than Christ, i.e. he posted a social media post on the Dalai lama then on the pope and the former got more hits. In truth all these religious people are all buddies. They are all about the same thing. You do not have to choose to love one and therefore ignore the other.
- This zen master priest experience teaching the idea that we are amazing at deluding ourselves. We got to fight that and try to be consistent. They do talk about vegetarianism and not putting the self first always putting the other first. Balance my friend. If you put yourself in a way that is nihilistic, it's not good either.
One way to work on self-esteem is to negate the self. Then you stop asking "What are people going to think of me."
No matter what happens find a reason to be happy in the morning.
Ch 2.3 - This idea of being slapped. Why did I feel something for it. Was it the intention, the actual pain which lasted for a second. The idea is the pain lasted very little but the dwelling lasted far longer. That longer part is the ego that is choosing to live in the past. I have mixed feelings b/c this does not necessarily make it easy for someone to get over it. It's very hard to get over it. But you can laugh that the pain was a second the ego made it last for much longer.
This whole section on being compassionate and open to others. I think it's beautiful, but it's really advanced. You can't do this unless you're already well on your journey. So this is partially why 1 less star.
- Learning the variety of emotions is the merging of pscyhology and buddhism. That's what you're suppose to be doing in meditation.
- Positive emotions make us want to relate to others. They open us up. Negative emotions do the opposite, but they are not necessarily bad.
- The vilification of negative emotions misses the point. We must learn to accept them, not fight them. We must also understand them and find healthy ways of expressing them.
- Mindfulness is about this awareness of emotions without fear of judgment. And then the acceptance of the feeling itself.
- Some think we need to become apathetic, feel nothing. That's also wrong. we are suppose to learn to express emotion in a more healthy manner and when people do not, if we can... if we can... try to withstand the wave of it, but negating it is not likely a great thing. (compassion)
- Love all your emotions. They are all signaling something different. Cultivate pleasant emotions. Don't get discouraged.
- Zen is about letting the emotions pass. (Practice, clear the mind)
- Listening is a gift that one gives the other party.
- "You have to be totally available, with compassion, but without an agenda. This is what a priest does. It's really hard.
- Mind-body relationship. The body is a repository of the things of the mind. Intriguing way to think about it.
- We're given the body so we can conceive of the world, but we kinda gotta watch it, b/c it's still the mind..... This leads to the placebo concept.
- The idea is that you can also think of placebo effect in the case of the negative. Like I am going to make you think negative so you start to feel negative and your body feels negative and it's very real. But it's not. Kind cool. to think in these terms.
- The Dalai lama will usually answer (for the issue where people are really bad off with no solution), I don't know. This is has the effect of not minimizing that person's suffering. Instead, he is focused on being there with presentness and compassion. What advice is appropriate in such situations. Just that .... This is the power of love and compassion.
- Acceptance represents a big piece of spiritual life.
-"A really free man is one who can refuse a dinner invitation without giving an excuse. This section is all about white lies and how to think about being truthful. My take away is to be compassionate. But also to be consistent.
"Thanks very much for your invitation, but it's impossible for me to come."
"Compassion provides a simple solution to problems of consistency." You must decide the impact of your words on others. Is there a different way to deliver it? Is the timing right, etc....
All 3 prioritize compassion vs. being fixed on dogmas of what is right and wrong. This need to be right and wrong can really hinder one from finding a bigger capital letter Right....
"Surround yourself with spiritual friends."
"human beings are hardwired for empathy."
"lucid happiness"or "mature happiness" requires compassion.
"happiness enlarges our vision of the world whereas suffering shrinks our attentional focus."
So compassion can make another suffer and they will do things to escape that suffering, as a child who doesn't want to hurt your feelings so does it to make you happy even if telling the truth might have been a good idea.
"pathological altruism" This is where people take on more compassion than they can handle. It's empathetic distress.
So they talk about the difference:
Altruism - the intention to do good to others.
Compassion - altruism that encounters suffering in others.
Empathy - 2 types -
Affective - the capacity to enter into the emotional resonance and feelings of another person and thus become aware of their situation. Gives us a sense for the nature and intensity of the suffering.
Cognative - putting yourself in someone else's place. There is no shared feeling here. It's more the awareness of and a potential to help though you do not feel that fear or suffering.
There is no exhaustion to altruism. You can do it as much as you like and it will just continue to be there.
- Mini pardons, small acts of forgiveness is a kind of training.
- Freedom of speech also includes responsibility to know the things you say and also when to stay quiet. To say it in a way that does not harm others. Words like weapons.
This whole "The buddha is not the Buddha and that is why we call him the buddha." The siliness of this life and what we think of as reality is exposed. You have to really think hard on this one to get it.
Please consider checking out my Vlog at either IG: WhereIsMayLing or on Youtube: Diary of a Speed Reader
A fantastic book for those that are trying to figure out which they believe or how to blend their beliefs (friends and family) in all 3. This will def make you think. This category for me is tough comps, but otherwise, I would def recommend.
- 'All humans are alike: we have to work hard to be better" They start the book out with the idea that they are more sharing then trying to be a leader or guide. They are a friend.
- As someone disabled, he talks about his aha of realizing that happiness was on the inside. He speaks of how we unlearn things from that childhood innocence which is actually the right mindset at the very beginning. what a curiosity!
"Wisdom is rooted in an art of living, in spiritual exercises that are practiced in the midst of daily life." Beautiful. It's not an academic intellectual thing.
- They talk about mystery and how that's important to Christianity. There is a compatibility between all 3 in the idea that there is this Mt. Kili that we are all trying to climb to be better people and that there are paths that wind in an imperfect way.
They talk about the fact that Buddha has become more popular than Christ, i.e. he posted a social media post on the Dalai lama then on the pope and the former got more hits. In truth all these religious people are all buddies. They are all about the same thing. You do not have to choose to love one and therefore ignore the other.
- This zen master priest experience teaching the idea that we are amazing at deluding ourselves. We got to fight that and try to be consistent. They do talk about vegetarianism and not putting the self first always putting the other first. Balance my friend. If you put yourself in a way that is nihilistic, it's not good either.
One way to work on self-esteem is to negate the self. Then you stop asking "What are people going to think of me."
No matter what happens find a reason to be happy in the morning.
Ch 2.3 - This idea of being slapped. Why did I feel something for it. Was it the intention, the actual pain which lasted for a second. The idea is the pain lasted very little but the dwelling lasted far longer. That longer part is the ego that is choosing to live in the past. I have mixed feelings b/c this does not necessarily make it easy for someone to get over it. It's very hard to get over it. But you can laugh that the pain was a second the ego made it last for much longer.
This whole section on being compassionate and open to others. I think it's beautiful, but it's really advanced. You can't do this unless you're already well on your journey. So this is partially why 1 less star.
- Learning the variety of emotions is the merging of pscyhology and buddhism. That's what you're suppose to be doing in meditation.
- Positive emotions make us want to relate to others. They open us up. Negative emotions do the opposite, but they are not necessarily bad.
- The vilification of negative emotions misses the point. We must learn to accept them, not fight them. We must also understand them and find healthy ways of expressing them.
- Mindfulness is about this awareness of emotions without fear of judgment. And then the acceptance of the feeling itself.
- Some think we need to become apathetic, feel nothing. That's also wrong. we are suppose to learn to express emotion in a more healthy manner and when people do not, if we can... if we can... try to withstand the wave of it, but negating it is not likely a great thing. (compassion)
- Love all your emotions. They are all signaling something different. Cultivate pleasant emotions. Don't get discouraged.
- Zen is about letting the emotions pass. (Practice, clear the mind)
- Listening is a gift that one gives the other party.
- "You have to be totally available, with compassion, but without an agenda. This is what a priest does. It's really hard.
- Mind-body relationship. The body is a repository of the things of the mind. Intriguing way to think about it.
- We're given the body so we can conceive of the world, but we kinda gotta watch it, b/c it's still the mind..... This leads to the placebo concept.
- The idea is that you can also think of placebo effect in the case of the negative. Like I am going to make you think negative so you start to feel negative and your body feels negative and it's very real. But it's not. Kind cool. to think in these terms.
- The Dalai lama will usually answer (for the issue where people are really bad off with no solution), I don't know. This is has the effect of not minimizing that person's suffering. Instead, he is focused on being there with presentness and compassion. What advice is appropriate in such situations. Just that .... This is the power of love and compassion.
- Acceptance represents a big piece of spiritual life.
-"A really free man is one who can refuse a dinner invitation without giving an excuse. This section is all about white lies and how to think about being truthful. My take away is to be compassionate. But also to be consistent.
"Thanks very much for your invitation, but it's impossible for me to come."
"Compassion provides a simple solution to problems of consistency." You must decide the impact of your words on others. Is there a different way to deliver it? Is the timing right, etc....
All 3 prioritize compassion vs. being fixed on dogmas of what is right and wrong. This need to be right and wrong can really hinder one from finding a bigger capital letter Right....
"Surround yourself with spiritual friends."
"human beings are hardwired for empathy."
"lucid happiness"or "mature happiness" requires compassion.
"happiness enlarges our vision of the world whereas suffering shrinks our attentional focus."
So compassion can make another suffer and they will do things to escape that suffering, as a child who doesn't want to hurt your feelings so does it to make you happy even if telling the truth might have been a good idea.
"pathological altruism" This is where people take on more compassion than they can handle. It's empathetic distress.
So they talk about the difference:
Altruism - the intention to do good to others.
Compassion - altruism that encounters suffering in others.
Empathy - 2 types -
Affective - the capacity to enter into the emotional resonance and feelings of another person and thus become aware of their situation. Gives us a sense for the nature and intensity of the suffering.
Cognative - putting yourself in someone else's place. There is no shared feeling here. It's more the awareness of and a potential to help though you do not feel that fear or suffering.
There is no exhaustion to altruism. You can do it as much as you like and it will just continue to be there.
- Mini pardons, small acts of forgiveness is a kind of training.
- Freedom of speech also includes responsibility to know the things you say and also when to stay quiet. To say it in a way that does not harm others. Words like weapons.
This whole "The buddha is not the Buddha and that is why we call him the buddha." The siliness of this life and what we think of as reality is exposed. You have to really think hard on this one to get it.
February 9, 2023
10 bài học từ Bàn về cách sống
1. Bản ngã (aka cái tôi): tất cả những gì mình cho là CỦA mình (hình ảnh, danh tiếng cảm xúc, suy nghĩ, quan điểm) > cái tôi to và cái tôi nhỏ, chẳng cái nào tốt cả.
2. Cảm xúc: Chào đón mọi cảm xúc đến với mình dù là tích cực hay tiêu cực > xem đằng sau đó có một nhu cầu nào chưa được thỏa mãn hay không. Ở cấp độ cơ bản thì thực hành làm tốt việc quan sát, nhận diện và ngồi yên với cảm xúc là ổn rồi.
3. Lắng nghe: nghe mà không phán xét, nghe mà không cho lời khuyên, không cố đoán trước, không sốt ruột, không cần chuẩn bị câu trả lời > Lắng nghe người khác thôi cũng là một món quà tuyệt đẹp.
4. Thân xác: ví như con tàu, là phương tiện để ta sống, là thứ đi mượn cuộc đời này thôi nên không cần phải bám chấp quá. Con tàu cũng cần thường xuyên được bảo dưỡng, chăm sóc, dọn dẹp. Và không quên chấp nhận rằng thân xác này rồi sẽ già đi và tan biến.
5. Khổ: điều thích nhất ở chương này lại là câu “thử thách làm ta mong manh, và sự bền bỉ chính là xoay sở với các nguồn lực ta đang có, đồng thời cứ tiếp tục tiến tới”
6. Nhất quán: là thu hẹp khoảng cách giữa nói và làm, giữa những version khác nhau của bạn. Làm chuyện này khó và cần thật nhiều can đảm. Nếu trên mạng và ngoài đời có khác nhau nhiều quá thì cứ bao dung hơn chút, dù sao thì chúng ta đều đang cố gắng để tiến bộ, không phải là những kẻ hoàn hảo đã đến đích rồi.
7. Vị tha: Sách nói về vị tha, từ bi, thấu cảm. Mình chưa đủ trải để hiểu hết và chỉ tâm niệm một điều là nếu có thể giúp được ai đó có một ngày trở nên tốt hơn, dẫu cho hôm sau họ lại quay về đau khổ. Như vậy cũng không sao vì ít nhất họ cũng đã có 1 ngày tươi đẹp.
8. Đơn giản: Chương này gói gọn bằng câu là “Ở đây và lúc này, mình thật sự thiếu cái gì?”. Thành thật thì chúng ta chẳng thiếu gì cả, xã hội mà ta đang sống thậm chí còn có thừa. Thế mà khi đánh mất sự chú tâm và bị tâm trí dẫn dắt, ta thấy mình đã thêm vào giỏ hàng, chốt đơn đủ thứ, ti��u thụ quá nhiều chỉ để xoa dịu một cảm xúc chưa được gọi tên. Làm nhẹ vật chất là thứ đầu tiên, sau đó bớt làm lại, rồi cuối cùng là làm nhẹ đầu óc.
9. Tha thứ: cho chính mình trước! Mỗi lần định nói “Lẽ ra mình không nên…” thì có thể thay bằng “Chuyện này dạy mình điều gì?”
10. Tự do: hơi khó để chọn ra một điều thích nhất vì chương này đã thay đổi mọi suy nghĩ của mình về tự do. Tự do phải đi kèm với trách nhiệm. Nếu tách rời nhau thì cái còn lại là sự ích kỷ! Wow
1. Bản ngã (aka cái tôi): tất cả những gì mình cho là CỦA mình (hình ảnh, danh tiếng cảm xúc, suy nghĩ, quan điểm) > cái tôi to và cái tôi nhỏ, chẳng cái nào tốt cả.
2. Cảm xúc: Chào đón mọi cảm xúc đến với mình dù là tích cực hay tiêu cực > xem đằng sau đó có một nhu cầu nào chưa được thỏa mãn hay không. Ở cấp độ cơ bản thì thực hành làm tốt việc quan sát, nhận diện và ngồi yên với cảm xúc là ổn rồi.
3. Lắng nghe: nghe mà không phán xét, nghe mà không cho lời khuyên, không cố đoán trước, không sốt ruột, không cần chuẩn bị câu trả lời > Lắng nghe người khác thôi cũng là một món quà tuyệt đẹp.
4. Thân xác: ví như con tàu, là phương tiện để ta sống, là thứ đi mượn cuộc đời này thôi nên không cần phải bám chấp quá. Con tàu cũng cần thường xuyên được bảo dưỡng, chăm sóc, dọn dẹp. Và không quên chấp nhận rằng thân xác này rồi sẽ già đi và tan biến.
5. Khổ: điều thích nhất ở chương này lại là câu “thử thách làm ta mong manh, và sự bền bỉ chính là xoay sở với các nguồn lực ta đang có, đồng thời cứ tiếp tục tiến tới”
6. Nhất quán: là thu hẹp khoảng cách giữa nói và làm, giữa những version khác nhau của bạn. Làm chuyện này khó và cần thật nhiều can đảm. Nếu trên mạng và ngoài đời có khác nhau nhiều quá thì cứ bao dung hơn chút, dù sao thì chúng ta đều đang cố gắng để tiến bộ, không phải là những kẻ hoàn hảo đã đến đích rồi.
7. Vị tha: Sách nói về vị tha, từ bi, thấu cảm. Mình chưa đủ trải để hiểu hết và chỉ tâm niệm một điều là nếu có thể giúp được ai đó có một ngày trở nên tốt hơn, dẫu cho hôm sau họ lại quay về đau khổ. Như vậy cũng không sao vì ít nhất họ cũng đã có 1 ngày tươi đẹp.
8. Đơn giản: Chương này gói gọn bằng câu là “Ở đây và lúc này, mình thật sự thiếu cái gì?”. Thành thật thì chúng ta chẳng thiếu gì cả, xã hội mà ta đang sống thậm chí còn có thừa. Thế mà khi đánh mất sự chú tâm và bị tâm trí dẫn dắt, ta thấy mình đã thêm vào giỏ hàng, chốt đơn đủ thứ, ti��u thụ quá nhiều chỉ để xoa dịu một cảm xúc chưa được gọi tên. Làm nhẹ vật chất là thứ đầu tiên, sau đó bớt làm lại, rồi cuối cùng là làm nhẹ đầu óc.
9. Tha thứ: cho chính mình trước! Mỗi lần định nói “Lẽ ra mình không nên…” thì có thể thay bằng “Chuyện này dạy mình điều gì?”
10. Tự do: hơi khó để chọn ra một điều thích nhất vì chương này đã thay đổi mọi suy nghĩ của mình về tự do. Tự do phải đi kèm với trách nhiệm. Nếu tách rời nhau thì cái còn lại là sự ích kỷ! Wow
June 23, 2018
A monk, a philosopher, and a psychiatrist walk into a living room. It sounds like the beginning of a funny joke.
Instead, it’s the beginning of a great book. It’s what happens when you put Matthieu Ricard, Alexandre Jollien, and Christophe André into a room for nine days. We get to eavesdrop on their most interesting conversations about life and love and happiness.
Each man contributes something unique to the conversation. Their life experiences, with their limitations and advantages, provide specialized perspectives. We can count on Ricard to throw in beautifully beneficial Buddhist ideas, Jollien helps us understand life with a permanent disability, and André steers us toward good mental health.
It’s a book you need to read slowly. The concepts are big. And sometimes the advice is large, too. But they also have the ability to break it down into small bites, making it easily digestible for all of us.
“In talking about our own journeys and the difficulties we have had in becoming better human beings, I think we can help our readers a little. All humans are alike: we have to work hard to be better.”
“• Create little mantras of self-compassion: ‘Do your best, and never hurt yourself.’ • Lighten up. Say to yourself, ‘My ego is a little bike, not a big SUV!’ • Take a ‘shower of gratitude’ every night. This will remove ego’s useless cobwebs, bring joy to your heart, and reveal to you all your inner and outer strengths.
My only criticism is that it is occasionally hard to follow who is doing the talking. Each section begin with the author’s name, but after a few page turns, I lose track. It's not always pertinent to remember who is currently carrying the conversation, but it does help to keep it all in context. (Granted, I was reading on a Kindle; perhaps it is easier to keep track in the hardback version.)
Overall, I highly recommend this book. The conversations are honest. Inspiring. Honest. Supportive.
“Don’t get discouraged. It is one of the great tasks in your life to work on your emotional balance. . . . There are no shortcuts on this journey. But you always get to your destination if you keep walking.”
My thanks to Net Galley for the review copy of this book.
Instead, it’s the beginning of a great book. It’s what happens when you put Matthieu Ricard, Alexandre Jollien, and Christophe André into a room for nine days. We get to eavesdrop on their most interesting conversations about life and love and happiness.
Each man contributes something unique to the conversation. Their life experiences, with their limitations and advantages, provide specialized perspectives. We can count on Ricard to throw in beautifully beneficial Buddhist ideas, Jollien helps us understand life with a permanent disability, and André steers us toward good mental health.
It’s a book you need to read slowly. The concepts are big. And sometimes the advice is large, too. But they also have the ability to break it down into small bites, making it easily digestible for all of us.
“In talking about our own journeys and the difficulties we have had in becoming better human beings, I think we can help our readers a little. All humans are alike: we have to work hard to be better.”
“• Create little mantras of self-compassion: ‘Do your best, and never hurt yourself.’ • Lighten up. Say to yourself, ‘My ego is a little bike, not a big SUV!’ • Take a ‘shower of gratitude’ every night. This will remove ego’s useless cobwebs, bring joy to your heart, and reveal to you all your inner and outer strengths.
My only criticism is that it is occasionally hard to follow who is doing the talking. Each section begin with the author’s name, but after a few page turns, I lose track. It's not always pertinent to remember who is currently carrying the conversation, but it does help to keep it all in context. (Granted, I was reading on a Kindle; perhaps it is easier to keep track in the hardback version.)
Overall, I highly recommend this book. The conversations are honest. Inspiring. Honest. Supportive.
“Don’t get discouraged. It is one of the great tasks in your life to work on your emotional balance. . . . There are no shortcuts on this journey. But you always get to your destination if you keep walking.”
My thanks to Net Galley for the review copy of this book.
July 24, 2016
Le fait de réunir dans cet ouvrage trois perspectives, trois voix, lui confère un intérêt indéniable pour qui veut mieux saisir le pourquoi s'engager sur ce chemin, mais surtout le comment. Alors que la perspective de Mathieu Ricard, moine bouddhiste, présente la radicalité de cette philosophie (radicale par rapport à nos modes de vie, modes de pensée, aux valeurs prégnantes dans notre société), celles d'Alexandre Jollien et de Christophe André nous ancrent dans un quotidien plus proche du nôtre et nous ouvrent des pistes pour la pratique (pleine conscience, non-fixation, etc.) et nous rappellent qu'eux-mêmes ont rencontré (rencontrent, d'ailleurs) des difficultés pour suivre ces pratiques.
La forme du dialogue favorise également les nuances, très bienvenues quand on a été énervé.e par la soupe new age inspirée de ces philosophies (du style : «toi seul.e est responsable de ton bonheur») qui recentre sur l'individu sans se soucier des rapports aux autres et des mécanismes d'oppression. D'ailleurs, concernant l'engagement politique ou social, les échanges montrent bien ceux-ci font partie intégrante de la «sagesse».
La forme du dialogue favorise également les nuances, très bienvenues quand on a été énervé.e par la soupe new age inspirée de ces philosophies (du style : «toi seul.e est responsable de ton bonheur») qui recentre sur l'individu sans se soucier des rapports aux autres et des mécanismes d'oppression. D'ailleurs, concernant l'engagement politique ou social, les échanges montrent bien ceux-ci font partie intégrante de la «sagesse».
January 13, 2020
Entre le monde de bouddhisme et la réalité quotidienne, il y a beaucoup de choses à apprendre mais peu de choses à faire. Encore un livre sur le développement personnel qui nous guide vers un bonheur simple mais hélas à la portée de tous.
January 24, 2022
One of the greatest joys in life is sometimes to be an invisible bystander to a sparkling conversation. This book gave me that pleasure. Spirituality, philosophy, or religion can often be very esoteric, and you get tied up in a gordian knot of arguments and counterarguments. Some people slash these knots with their well-reasoned opinions and arguments. This book introduces you to three such people.
Matthieu, Christopher, and Alexandre help us understand the practical application of spiritual concepts in daily life. I read it in bits and pieces and really enjoyed the genuine love and comradery that exists between them.
Think of writing a book on meaningful discussions you have with your best friends. When you are the "happiest" man in the world and your friends have lived meaningful and altruistic lives, the resultant book has to amazing.
Matthieu, Christopher, and Alexandre help us understand the practical application of spiritual concepts in daily life. I read it in bits and pieces and really enjoyed the genuine love and comradery that exists between them.
Think of writing a book on meaningful discussions you have with your best friends. When you are the "happiest" man in the world and your friends have lived meaningful and altruistic lives, the resultant book has to amazing.
June 11, 2025
Between 1997 and 2003, the percentage of children between ages nine and twelve who spent time playing outside together, hiking, or gardening fell by half.
Lighten up materially. Lighten up activity wise. Lighten up psychologically.
Free yourself of labels.
Ask yourself what is essential.
Simplify our thoughts, our speech and our actions.
From now on, you should have a CCL file. Couldn't Care Less.
Liberate yourself from the past.
It is important not to relegate spiritual practice to a secondary level of activity.
Conviction, determination, being constant, staying on course, is what really makes a difference.
Lighten up materially. Lighten up activity wise. Lighten up psychologically.
Free yourself of labels.
Ask yourself what is essential.
Simplify our thoughts, our speech and our actions.
From now on, you should have a CCL file. Couldn't Care Less.
Liberate yourself from the past.
It is important not to relegate spiritual practice to a secondary level of activity.
Conviction, determination, being constant, staying on course, is what really makes a difference.
Read
June 6, 2016"Le dossier RAF.
créer un dossier RAF (Rien A Foutre) et glisser toutes les idées malsaines qui nous turlupinent, les fantasmes, les illusions et les délires. Ne pas s'attarder sur le flot de pensées inutiles et nocives qui nous traversent du matin au soir, sortir de ce brouillard"
créer un dossier RAF (Rien A Foutre) et glisser toutes les idées malsaines qui nous turlupinent, les fantasmes, les illusions et les délires. Ne pas s'attarder sur le flot de pensées inutiles et nocives qui nous traversent du matin au soir, sortir de ce brouillard"
November 9, 2020
From empathy, meditation, compassion, quiet stillness, altruism without expecting anything in return, and much more—hope this book is taught worldwide to all ages from youth and up-very beneficial.
February 11, 2020
L'idée d'écrire un livre à trois est trop risqué. mais il me semble qui ont pu atteindre l'objectif principal de livre la SAGESSE on avançant pas à pas ils ont débarrassé de leur égoïsme et leurs égo.
Au début chacun de ces trois essaye de trouver son rythme et de imposer leurs idées. Surtout lorsque un de ces trois parle juste pour parler.
mais on avançant les trois ont pu être plus homogènes et plus attentifs to each other.
Ce que m'a vraiment attiré c'est le #moine #Mattieuricard qui est un vrai #bouddhiste qui à chaque nous illumines nous les lecteurs et les deux autres auteurs de ce livre.
Avec tout mon respect pour les deux autres #alexandrejollien et #christopheandre
Le moine était trop loin le champion de ce livre. Par contre je trouve Alexandre est trop ennuyant, il n'oublie pas de lier tout le temps tout les sujet à son handicap et de sa souffrance. Au contraire Christophe était plus intelligent de laisser Matthieu de laider les discussion de ce livre par ces océans des idées.
#Troisamisenquetedesagesse
#sagesse #philosophe #psychiatre
Au début chacun de ces trois essaye de trouver son rythme et de imposer leurs idées. Surtout lorsque un de ces trois parle juste pour parler.
mais on avançant les trois ont pu être plus homogènes et plus attentifs to each other.
Ce que m'a vraiment attiré c'est le #moine #Mattieuricard qui est un vrai #bouddhiste qui à chaque nous illumines nous les lecteurs et les deux autres auteurs de ce livre.
Avec tout mon respect pour les deux autres #alexandrejollien et #christopheandre
Le moine était trop loin le champion de ce livre. Par contre je trouve Alexandre est trop ennuyant, il n'oublie pas de lier tout le temps tout les sujet à son handicap et de sa souffrance. Au contraire Christophe était plus intelligent de laisser Matthieu de laider les discussion de ce livre par ces océans des idées.
#Troisamisenquetedesagesse
#sagesse #philosophe #psychiatre
March 6, 2023
Bitince üzüldüğüm muhteşem kitaplardan birisi.
İçinden aldığım notları düzenli şekilde okuyup içselleştirmem gerekiyor.
Öyle bir çırpıda bitirilecek bir kitap değil her bölümün üzerinde düşünmek ve hayatına aksettirmek gerekiyor.
İşin ilginci bu kitabı okurken her seferinde o esnada kafamda olan çoğu soruya yanıt buldum.
Kitabın böylesine yol gösterici olması da onun değerini arttırıyor.
Christophe Andre'nin diğer tüm kitaplarını okumayı planlıyorum.
İçinden aldığım notları düzenli şekilde okuyup içselleştirmem gerekiyor.
Öyle bir çırpıda bitirilecek bir kitap değil her bölümün üzerinde düşünmek ve hayatına aksettirmek gerekiyor.
İşin ilginci bu kitabı okurken her seferinde o esnada kafamda olan çoğu soruya yanıt buldum.
Kitabın böylesine yol gösterici olması da onun değerini arttırıyor.
Christophe Andre'nin diğer tüm kitaplarını okumayı planlıyorum.
November 5, 2021
Nu suferința este cea care ne face să creștem, ci modul în care o folosim. Mă feresc ca de ciumă de discursurile ce jus- tifică prea repede încercările grele. ―――――――――――――――――――― ALEXANDRE — Ideea de vocație este salvatoare. Ea ne servește drept busolă în zilele în care totul merge prost, ne incită să ne alăturăm chemării celei mai pro- funde din viața noastră. În grelele încercări ca și în bucurie, trebuie să ne întrebăm fără încetare la ce ne cheamă existența noastră, aici și acum. În ceea ce mă privește, cred că viața mi-a încredințat trei vocații. Mai întâi handicapul, pe care trebuie să-l trăiesc la maximum. Infirmitatea, departe de a fi o povară, poate deveni un fabulos teren de practică. Dacă o tratez ca pe o corvoadă, pot să-mi trag imediat un glonț... Mai curând să văd în ea un parcurs posibil spre înțelepciune. Însă, atenție, nu sufe- rința este cea care ne face să creștem, ci modul în care o folosim. Mă feresc ca de ciumă de discursurile ce justifică prea repede încercările grele. Este ca și cum am uita că durerea poate acri, poate ucide o inimă. Fără a accepta acest handicap întru totul, această calamitate în unele zile, descopăr în el șansa de a deveni mai vesel și mai liber. Și îmi este clar că, fără o practică spirituală, sunt lipsit de apărare. Pe scurt, handicapul mă împinge la urgența de a mă converti și de a mă refugia în străfunduri, departe de etichetări, de aparențe, pentru a relua în fiecare zi învățatul. Meseria de scriitor provine, de asemenea, dintr-o chemare. Această pasiune, această necesitate s-a impus foarte timpuriu. În momentul luptei, am înțeles că va trebui într-o bună zi să depun mărturie despre moștenirea lăsată de tovarășii mei de suferință. Ei mi-au transmis gustul esențialului: dorința de a progresa, setea de o bucurie necondiționată și de solidaritate. La instituția pentru persoane cu han- dicap, unde am crescut timp de 17 ani, s-a născut o vocație de martor. Era fără
îndoială un mecanism de supraviețuire, însă dintre cele mai fecunde: în suferință am simțit din toată ființa mea că ceva bun trebuia să iasă din ea. În fine, vocația de cap de familie îmi oferă ocazia să mă dezvăț de frică, de re- flexe, de ceea ce îmi lipsește, să progresez continuu. Aceste trei vocații mă însoțesc oră de oră, mai ales atunci când lucrurile nu merg bine, adică destul de des. Din ele debordează ideea unui obiectiv personal pe care ego-ul se înverșunează să-l realizeze cu orice preț: aici nu este vorba de a ob- ține recunoaștere, ci pur și simplu de a avansa și de a iubi din ce în ce mai pro- fund, fără a se fixa undeva. Cel care se închide într-o identitate nu va înceta să su- fere. Dacă sunt convins, de exemplu, de faptul că fericirea mea depinde de statutul meu de scriitor, în ziua în care nu voi mai putea scrie, îmi voi pierde bucuria. Acum mă adăp la izvorul marilor spiritualități, mai ales prin practica zen și printr-o viață de rugăciune, ceea ce mă ajută să trăiesc mai profund aceste trei șantiere ale existenței.
îndoială un mecanism de supraviețuire, însă dintre cele mai fecunde: în suferință am simțit din toată ființa mea că ceva bun trebuia să iasă din ea. În fine, vocația de cap de familie îmi oferă ocazia să mă dezvăț de frică, de re- flexe, de ceea ce îmi lipsește, să progresez continuu. Aceste trei vocații mă însoțesc oră de oră, mai ales atunci când lucrurile nu merg bine, adică destul de des. Din ele debordează ideea unui obiectiv personal pe care ego-ul se înverșunează să-l realizeze cu orice preț: aici nu este vorba de a ob- ține recunoaștere, ci pur și simplu de a avansa și de a iubi din ce în ce mai pro- fund, fără a se fixa undeva. Cel care se închide într-o identitate nu va înceta să su- fere. Dacă sunt convins, de exemplu, de faptul că fericirea mea depinde de statutul meu de scriitor, în ziua în care nu voi mai putea scrie, îmi voi pierde bucuria. Acum mă adăp la izvorul marilor spiritualități, mai ales prin practica zen și printr-o viață de rugăciune, ceea ce mă ajută să trăiesc mai profund aceste trei șantiere ale existenței.
March 28, 2020
J’ai bien aimé ce livre puisqu’on a des points de vues différents même s’ils finissent généralement par ce rejoindre. Néanmoins, je trouve qu’il n’allait pas assez en « profondeur » et que ça restait tout de même des conseils voire leçons plutôt courants et cela devenait vite redondant à mon goût. J’ai eu un peu de mal à finir le livre et parfois j’allais directement au résumé de fin (très pratique n’empêche) puisque je m’ennuyais lors de certains chapitres. Par contre, ce qui m’a fait continuer la lecture ce sont les expériences de ces trois auteurs et le partage de leurs ressentis intimes selon telle ou telle situation auxquelles on peut souvent se reconnaître, compatir et être touché.
Je mets alors 4 étoiles et je le recommande vivement étant donné qu’il reste très accessible et complet; il touche à de nombreux sujets très importants dans notre développement personnel (ego, altruisme, souffrance, le pardon,..) ce qui permettrait à tous d’évoluer grandement, tout en douceur ;)
Pour terminer, une jolie citation venant de ce livre que j’ai beaucoup aimé:
« Le silence, comme la nature de notre esprit, ne peut être souillé.
On peut gueuler, lui balancer les pires injures, rien ne saurait le troubler.
Comme l���or que la boue peut entièrement recouvrir sans jamais la souiller.
La nature de l’esprit est fondamentalement pure et inaltérable. L’ignorance peut la voiler temporairement, mais elle ne peut pas la dénaturer. »
Je mets alors 4 étoiles et je le recommande vivement étant donné qu’il reste très accessible et complet; il touche à de nombreux sujets très importants dans notre développement personnel (ego, altruisme, souffrance, le pardon,..) ce qui permettrait à tous d’évoluer grandement, tout en douceur ;)
Pour terminer, une jolie citation venant de ce livre que j’ai beaucoup aimé:
« Le silence, comme la nature de notre esprit, ne peut être souillé.
On peut gueuler, lui balancer les pires injures, rien ne saurait le troubler.
Comme l���or que la boue peut entièrement recouvrir sans jamais la souiller.
La nature de l’esprit est fondamentalement pure et inaltérable. L’ignorance peut la voiler temporairement, mais elle ne peut pas la dénaturer. »
August 26, 2022
I have a thing about conversation books, as they are not researched enough and the people talking have not sat down and edited their ideas entirely, and on the other hand, they span so much and are not as structured as they could. It does not make things better when it's so much Buddhism. Even the most Christian voice here, Alexandre Jollien is more a Buddhist than a Christian.
Still, the three authors here are all intelligent and wise people who have lived and thought about the topics they discuss, heavy topics, that often get lost in Buddhism.
It has still been a pleasant introduction to the three, and I could pick up books from each of them in the future to get a bit more into what they think, but here I disagree with the format as well as a lot with the content.
Still, the three authors here are all intelligent and wise people who have lived and thought about the topics they discuss, heavy topics, that often get lost in Buddhism.
It has still been a pleasant introduction to the three, and I could pick up books from each of them in the future to get a bit more into what they think, but here I disagree with the format as well as a lot with the content.
December 24, 2018
This book made me think about what it means to walk a spiritual path. The authors generally agree that faith without action is a shaky faith, and encourage readers to reconsider their relationship to other people. I learned a new word, "ascesis", which I take to mean following a spiritual path. Lots of good advice on simplifying, developing habits that encourage mindfulness, and letting go of the strong pull of the ego. This way, we can better serve others, such as becoming a better listener.
July 11, 2018
Beautiful, gorgeous, comforting, wise, relaxing: I thought all of this while reading this book. It's like listening to these titans of thought who have gleaned enough wisdom to be gentle with themselves and those of us listening. Living is hard: listening to these souls talk about ways that have made things a bit easier for them is the reassurance and comfort we could all use right about now.
I have already bought this book for many friends. Get yourself and those you love a copy today!
I have already bought this book for many friends. Get yourself and those you love a copy today!
May 15, 2019
Thank you Sounds True Publishing and Netgalley for this ARC.
This book is a conversation on living, between three wise men. I loved the way in which the book was written between the three authors and found lots of lovely, thought provoking gems amongst the conversations.
The main message I came away with was, don’t take life too seriously, drop the ‘I’ and live in awareness.
A lovely book to remind the reader of what is truly important.
This book is a conversation on living, between three wise men. I loved the way in which the book was written between the three authors and found lots of lovely, thought provoking gems amongst the conversations.
The main message I came away with was, don’t take life too seriously, drop the ‘I’ and live in awareness.
A lovely book to remind the reader of what is truly important.
July 29, 2018
Je connais plus Christophe et Matthieu mais c’était un plaisir de lire (j’aurai même pu écrire « écouter » tant la forme est appropriée au discours) ces trois auteurs, chacun éclairant à sa façon. Une bouffée d’air dans cette société de consommation. À relire comme une piqûre de rappel...
March 17, 2024
Matthieu Ricard earned a PH.D. in molecular genetics from the University of Paris and then traveled to Nepal to become a Buddhist monk. He has authored several books, most notably on the subject of compassion. Cristophe Andre is a practicing psychiatrist at the University of Paris, who is also a widely accomplished writer; much of his work has been on the therapeutic uses of meditation. Alexandre Jollien is a philosopher and writer who spent 17 years in a home for the physically disabled after a birth injury left him with major physical limitations. The three combined for a conversation from which they put together a book, In Search of Wisdom a Monk, a Philosopher, and a Psychiatrist on What Matters Most. They shared their collective insights about finding purpose and meaning in our lives.
Christophe tells the reader that in contributing to this book, he wanted to help his readers learn to suffer less. Alexandre addresses the concept of a calling in explaining his motivations: The calling of his infirmity and his need to overcome it; his profession as a writer; and his role as husband and father. Matthieu reflects that what took him to Nepal and inspired him for this project was the same cause, specifically the continued search for a life of compassion. All three agreed that they wished to share their views on life and what matters. Their book describes ascesis or spiritual practice to liberate oneself from what they view as the causes of human suffering, namely selfishness, ignorance, jealousy, pride, and other negative and/ or unpleasant emotions.
The book is divided into topics of conversation:
• Egotism, selfishness, shame, and guilt; and their antidotes: gratitude, altruism, and compassion
• Learning to live with our emotions, both positive and negative; pleasant and unpleasant
• Importance of truly listening or being present
• Considerations of our physical body
• Origins of suffering
• Fidelity or consistency
• Altruism or concern for others
• Simplicity as a lifestyle
• Guilt and Forgiveness
• How to Liberate Oneself to True Freedom
• Daily Spiritual or Contemplative Practice
Each chapter ends with a few bullet points of advice from each of the three authors. There is much to ponder in this book, and I think there is much worth emulating. Here are a few of my favorite takeaways:
Regarding dealing with emotions, “Sharpen your attention to become aware of negative emotions as they arise…Once the harmful effects of negative emotions appear clearly, familiarize yourself with their antidotes, the positive emotions… Cultivate positive and pleasant emotions…Don’t get discouraged… Let it pass…”
Regarding listening, there are three basic mechanisms: respect for the other’s speech; letting go; and allowing oneself to be touched. “Remember that listening is a gift…Don’t get ahead or prepare your response… Keep yourself available for others.”
Regarding suffering, “Pain is the biologic, organic, or existential part of suffering… The opposite of suffering is therefore peace, tranquility, serenity, the possibility of forgetting oneself and taking advantage of life… Pain isolates us and fundamentally, the opposite of suffering is rejoining the world… Practice in daily life… take action… Don’t overreact… Stay connected with the world in happiness as well as unhappiness… respond rather than react.”
Regarding consistency or fidelity: Actions speak louder than words. Try not to say anything bad about another, especially if they are not present to hear it… “Don’t become attached to fixed dogmas… Prioritize compassion… Avoid self-tyranny…live from your inner being and let your social ego go packing…Surround yourself with spiritual friends. To move in the direction of greater health is also to integrate our contradictions, and in any case, to cease to regard them as enemies.”
Regarding simplicity: Cristophe offers, “Lighten up materially, activity-wise, and psychologically…”Alexandre shares, “Free yourself of labels…Profound joy requires us to do less… Ask yourself what is essential…” Matthieu suggests, “Simplify your thoughts, speech, and actions…”
Regarding guilt and forgiveness: “Imperfect and happy… Send all resentments packing… Don’t morally judge people but rather what they have done… Don’t be indulgent toward misdeeds…Forgive those who have harmed us… by thinking of them as victims of an illness… Remember that forgiveness is beneficial for all…”
Regarding freedom: “Create a Couldn’t Care Less file and put in it all the unwholesome ideas that bug you – fantasies, illusions, delusion. Don’t dwell on the stream of useless and harmful thoughts that pass through our minds…Outer freedom is the mastery of your life, and inner freedom is the mastery of your mind… think of freedom in stereo – freedom and responsibility… Don’t forget morality…Decline freedom in the plural… I should be thinking about our freedom.”
I found In Search of Wisdom provocative and stimulating. It is a smorgasbord of philosophic, psychologic, and spiritual ideas, most of which are worthy of consideration. It is not really a ‘How to…’ book so much as a “Here are a few ideas that have helped us…’ book. I recommend it in small, regular doses, with careful contemplation and selectivity, perhaps over time.
Christophe tells the reader that in contributing to this book, he wanted to help his readers learn to suffer less. Alexandre addresses the concept of a calling in explaining his motivations: The calling of his infirmity and his need to overcome it; his profession as a writer; and his role as husband and father. Matthieu reflects that what took him to Nepal and inspired him for this project was the same cause, specifically the continued search for a life of compassion. All three agreed that they wished to share their views on life and what matters. Their book describes ascesis or spiritual practice to liberate oneself from what they view as the causes of human suffering, namely selfishness, ignorance, jealousy, pride, and other negative and/ or unpleasant emotions.
The book is divided into topics of conversation:
• Egotism, selfishness, shame, and guilt; and their antidotes: gratitude, altruism, and compassion
• Learning to live with our emotions, both positive and negative; pleasant and unpleasant
• Importance of truly listening or being present
• Considerations of our physical body
• Origins of suffering
• Fidelity or consistency
• Altruism or concern for others
• Simplicity as a lifestyle
• Guilt and Forgiveness
• How to Liberate Oneself to True Freedom
• Daily Spiritual or Contemplative Practice
Each chapter ends with a few bullet points of advice from each of the three authors. There is much to ponder in this book, and I think there is much worth emulating. Here are a few of my favorite takeaways:
Regarding dealing with emotions, “Sharpen your attention to become aware of negative emotions as they arise…Once the harmful effects of negative emotions appear clearly, familiarize yourself with their antidotes, the positive emotions… Cultivate positive and pleasant emotions…Don’t get discouraged… Let it pass…”
Regarding listening, there are three basic mechanisms: respect for the other’s speech; letting go; and allowing oneself to be touched. “Remember that listening is a gift…Don’t get ahead or prepare your response… Keep yourself available for others.”
Regarding suffering, “Pain is the biologic, organic, or existential part of suffering… The opposite of suffering is therefore peace, tranquility, serenity, the possibility of forgetting oneself and taking advantage of life… Pain isolates us and fundamentally, the opposite of suffering is rejoining the world… Practice in daily life… take action… Don’t overreact… Stay connected with the world in happiness as well as unhappiness… respond rather than react.”
Regarding consistency or fidelity: Actions speak louder than words. Try not to say anything bad about another, especially if they are not present to hear it… “Don’t become attached to fixed dogmas… Prioritize compassion… Avoid self-tyranny…live from your inner being and let your social ego go packing…Surround yourself with spiritual friends. To move in the direction of greater health is also to integrate our contradictions, and in any case, to cease to regard them as enemies.”
Regarding simplicity: Cristophe offers, “Lighten up materially, activity-wise, and psychologically…”Alexandre shares, “Free yourself of labels…Profound joy requires us to do less… Ask yourself what is essential…” Matthieu suggests, “Simplify your thoughts, speech, and actions…”
Regarding guilt and forgiveness: “Imperfect and happy… Send all resentments packing… Don’t morally judge people but rather what they have done… Don’t be indulgent toward misdeeds…Forgive those who have harmed us… by thinking of them as victims of an illness… Remember that forgiveness is beneficial for all…”
Regarding freedom: “Create a Couldn’t Care Less file and put in it all the unwholesome ideas that bug you – fantasies, illusions, delusion. Don’t dwell on the stream of useless and harmful thoughts that pass through our minds…Outer freedom is the mastery of your life, and inner freedom is the mastery of your mind… think of freedom in stereo – freedom and responsibility… Don’t forget morality…Decline freedom in the plural… I should be thinking about our freedom.”
I found In Search of Wisdom provocative and stimulating. It is a smorgasbord of philosophic, psychologic, and spiritual ideas, most of which are worthy of consideration. It is not really a ‘How to…’ book so much as a “Here are a few ideas that have helped us…’ book. I recommend it in small, regular doses, with careful contemplation and selectivity, perhaps over time.
December 5, 2018
I wanted to like this book more than I did... I think a lot should have been edited out.
Read
April 4, 2019Felt a bit sterile to me. Not the light/laughing Buddhism I enjoy, but felt more serious. Not that this is bad its just not my style
July 3, 2019
Superb conversation and great insights about human nature.
September 24, 2019
Stimulating to the mind, soul, and heart. Really helpful suggestions for the enhancement of loving life.
October 31, 2020
I really enjoyed the different perspectives from each of the writers. They were similar in many respects and different in others. I would reread this book in the future.
September 1, 2018
Aujourd’hui je voudrais vos parler d’un livre appelé ‘Trois amis en quête de sagesse’ qui a trois auteurs : Christophe André, Alexandre Jollien et Matthieu Ricard. D’abord, j’étais intéressé pour lire quelque chose du Matthieu Ricard qui est un moine bouddhiste très reconnu. Néanmoins, le fait que ce livre soit basé en un conversation entre un psychiatre, un philosophe et un moine bouddhiste a attiré mon attention.
Il y a beaucoup de sujets qui sont traités dans les presque 500 pagines qui a ce livre. Bien que tous les thèmes soient très intéressantes, j’ai choisi quelques fragments qu’à mon avis sont les plus touchantes.
Dans le premier chapitre Matthieu Ricard commentais un fait très curieux concernant une étude réalisée aux Etats-Unis. Quand on demandait aux gent : ‘Quel est celui que vous admirez le plus, le Dalaï-Lama ou Tom Cruise ?’ un 80% répondaient le Dalaï-Lama. Cependant, quand on demandait : ‘Quel voudriez-vos être, le Dalaï-Lama ou Tom Cruise ?’ cette fois, la plupart répondaient Tom Cruise. Ils disaient que s’ils avaient le physique, la célébrité et la richesse de Tom Cruise, ils pourraient acquérir par eux-mêmes les qualités humaines du Dalaï-Lama.
Le deuxième chapitre traite sur l’ego et je crois que Matthieu l’explique très bien : ‘Si le silence des organes est la santé physique, le silence de l’ego est la santé mentale ! L’ego se pose tout le temps deux questions : « Pourquoi moi?· » et « Pourquoi pas moi? »’. En fait, dans le bouddhisme on considère ce qu’on appelle ‘Les trois marques de l’existence’ et un d’eux c’est la manque d’ego (en Pali, anatta).
Le chapitre qui parle sur accepter nos émotions est très utile et en fait, Alexandre fais une réflexion qui m’a rappelé ce qu’Alan Watts dit dans son livre ‘The Wisdom of Insecurity’. Je cite : ‘Je trouve une sorte de libération à constater que tout est fragile. Enfin, je peux joyeusement renoncer à la stabilité, à la solidité, pour apprendre à nager dans l’impermanence.’ En outre, Matthieu introduit le concept appelé sunnata qu’en bouddhisme dit qu’une émotion est « vide », « dénuée d’existence propre ». En fait, on peut avoir l’impression qu’elle est puissante, mais si notre esprit l’a fabriquée, il peut aussi s’en libérer. De plus, Matthieu utilise une belle métaphore qui dit :’on compare parfois l’esprit libre à de l’eau, et l’esprit ligoté par les constructions mentales à de la glace. Il suffit de chauffer la glace pour qu’elle devienne fluide (…) C’est pareil avec nos perceptions du monde. S’attacher à la réalité des choses et se laisser tourmenter par l’attirance et la répulsion revient à bloquer le libre fonctionnement de l’esprit’.
Comme a conseil général, ils nous disent qu’il ne faut pas attendre le dernier moment pour affronter d’émotions négatives destructrices et douloureuses. C’est pour ça que Matthieu compare les émotions négatives à une étincelle qu’il est facile d’éteindre mais éphémère. Cependant les états émotionnels qu’on a laissé déborder sont des feux de forêts difficiles à maîtriser et plus destructives qu’une simple étincelle. Plus après, Matthieu revient à cet idée en utilisant une métaphore marinière qu’il dit : ‘Ce n’est pas un jour de tempête qu’on apprend à nager ou à naviguer, mais par beau temps, dans les conditions qui permettent de ne pas être submergé par la difficulté de la tâche.’ C’est pour cette raison qu’on doit nos entraîner chaque jour pour éviter nous trouver dans une tempête trop forte ou un feu de forêt trop grand.
En ligne avec cette mentalité bouddhiste, on conseille de ne pas s’approprier intérieurement le tort qu’on nous a fait ou dit d’une autre façon : ‘Don’t take your life personally’ comme Ajahn Sumedho dit dans son livre. En fait, Matthieu explique la connu histoire de quelqu’un qui avait insulté le Bouddha a maintes reprises. Ce dernier lui a demandé : ‘« Si quelqu’un te fait un cadeau et tu le refuses, qui est le propriétaire du cadeau ? » L’homme réponde que c’est la personne qui veut faire le cadeau. Donc Bouddha conclut ainsi : « Tes insultes, je ne les accepte pas, elles restent donc à toi. »’
Bien que cette mentalité ne soit pas la plus commune à occident, il faut dire que Nietzsche dans son livre, ‘Ecce homo’ dit quelque chose pas si diffèrent a ce que Bouddha disait il y a 2500 années : ‘la grandeur de l’homme réside dans l’amor fati (Littéralement, l’ « amour du destin »), ne rien vouloir d’autre que ce qui est, et mieux encore aimer ce qui advient.’
Avec cette cite final je voudrais conclure en disant que ce un livre parfait pour ceux qui sont intéressés pour lire et apprendre d’aspects si humains comme nos émotions, la souffrance, l’altruisme, la cohérence et le pardon. De plus, le fait qu’on ait trois points de vue différents enrichit le message et lui donne plus de fiabilité.
Il y a beaucoup de sujets qui sont traités dans les presque 500 pagines qui a ce livre. Bien que tous les thèmes soient très intéressantes, j’ai choisi quelques fragments qu’à mon avis sont les plus touchantes.
Dans le premier chapitre Matthieu Ricard commentais un fait très curieux concernant une étude réalisée aux Etats-Unis. Quand on demandait aux gent : ‘Quel est celui que vous admirez le plus, le Dalaï-Lama ou Tom Cruise ?’ un 80% répondaient le Dalaï-Lama. Cependant, quand on demandait : ‘Quel voudriez-vos être, le Dalaï-Lama ou Tom Cruise ?’ cette fois, la plupart répondaient Tom Cruise. Ils disaient que s’ils avaient le physique, la célébrité et la richesse de Tom Cruise, ils pourraient acquérir par eux-mêmes les qualités humaines du Dalaï-Lama.
Le deuxième chapitre traite sur l’ego et je crois que Matthieu l’explique très bien : ‘Si le silence des organes est la santé physique, le silence de l’ego est la santé mentale ! L’ego se pose tout le temps deux questions : « Pourquoi moi?· » et « Pourquoi pas moi? »’. En fait, dans le bouddhisme on considère ce qu’on appelle ‘Les trois marques de l’existence’ et un d’eux c’est la manque d’ego (en Pali, anatta).
Le chapitre qui parle sur accepter nos émotions est très utile et en fait, Alexandre fais une réflexion qui m’a rappelé ce qu’Alan Watts dit dans son livre ‘The Wisdom of Insecurity’. Je cite : ‘Je trouve une sorte de libération à constater que tout est fragile. Enfin, je peux joyeusement renoncer à la stabilité, à la solidité, pour apprendre à nager dans l’impermanence.’ En outre, Matthieu introduit le concept appelé sunnata qu’en bouddhisme dit qu’une émotion est « vide », « dénuée d’existence propre ». En fait, on peut avoir l’impression qu’elle est puissante, mais si notre esprit l’a fabriquée, il peut aussi s’en libérer. De plus, Matthieu utilise une belle métaphore qui dit :’on compare parfois l’esprit libre à de l’eau, et l’esprit ligoté par les constructions mentales à de la glace. Il suffit de chauffer la glace pour qu’elle devienne fluide (…) C’est pareil avec nos perceptions du monde. S’attacher à la réalité des choses et se laisser tourmenter par l’attirance et la répulsion revient à bloquer le libre fonctionnement de l’esprit’.
Comme a conseil général, ils nous disent qu’il ne faut pas attendre le dernier moment pour affronter d’émotions négatives destructrices et douloureuses. C’est pour ça que Matthieu compare les émotions négatives à une étincelle qu’il est facile d’éteindre mais éphémère. Cependant les états émotionnels qu’on a laissé déborder sont des feux de forêts difficiles à maîtriser et plus destructives qu’une simple étincelle. Plus après, Matthieu revient à cet idée en utilisant une métaphore marinière qu’il dit : ‘Ce n’est pas un jour de tempête qu’on apprend à nager ou à naviguer, mais par beau temps, dans les conditions qui permettent de ne pas être submergé par la difficulté de la tâche.’ C’est pour cette raison qu’on doit nos entraîner chaque jour pour éviter nous trouver dans une tempête trop forte ou un feu de forêt trop grand.
En ligne avec cette mentalité bouddhiste, on conseille de ne pas s’approprier intérieurement le tort qu’on nous a fait ou dit d’une autre façon : ‘Don’t take your life personally’ comme Ajahn Sumedho dit dans son livre. En fait, Matthieu explique la connu histoire de quelqu’un qui avait insulté le Bouddha a maintes reprises. Ce dernier lui a demandé : ‘« Si quelqu’un te fait un cadeau et tu le refuses, qui est le propriétaire du cadeau ? » L’homme réponde que c’est la personne qui veut faire le cadeau. Donc Bouddha conclut ainsi : « Tes insultes, je ne les accepte pas, elles restent donc à toi. »’
Bien que cette mentalité ne soit pas la plus commune à occident, il faut dire que Nietzsche dans son livre, ‘Ecce homo’ dit quelque chose pas si diffèrent a ce que Bouddha disait il y a 2500 années : ‘la grandeur de l’homme réside dans l’amor fati (Littéralement, l’ « amour du destin »), ne rien vouloir d’autre que ce qui est, et mieux encore aimer ce qui advient.’
Avec cette cite final je voudrais conclure en disant que ce un livre parfait pour ceux qui sont intéressés pour lire et apprendre d’aspects si humains comme nos émotions, la souffrance, l’altruisme, la cohérence et le pardon. De plus, le fait qu’on ait trois points de vue différents enrichit le message et lui donne plus de fiabilité.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 12, 2024
Alexandre Jollien: Triết gia
Christophe André: Bác sỹ
Matthieu Ricard: Nhà sư
Cuộc trò truyện đơn thuần của ba người bạn. Ba người ở các vai trò khác nhau, họ đưa ra những quan điểm da dạng nhưng chung quy đều có phần thống nhất về cách ứng xử, góc nhìn giúp ta có những suy nghĩ và hành động bình thản hơn với các vấn đề trong cuộc sống...
Thực hành. Việc học bơi, nổi và dịu dàng nhìn các cơn sóng đi qua cần thời gian, rất nhiều thời gian. Bình yên chỉ xuất hiện trong từng chút một. Vì vậy mà ta cần chuyên tâm thực tập hằng ngày.
Khi lắng nghe thật sự, ta không cần chuẩn bị câu đáp, mà chỉ thả lỏng và lắng nghe. Thỉnh thoảng ta có cảm giác đó là một vị thế "hơi nguy hiểm", nhưng phản ứng của ta sẽ sâu sắc hơn và phù hợp hơn nhiều khi ta bỏ hẳn cái ý soạn sẵn nó. Cái thả lỏng này cũng là điều kiện để lắng nghe chân thành và địch thực khi mà ta sẵn lòng cảm động, xúc động, không đánh giá, không kiểm soát, không mong muốn khống chế, suy cho cùng là không có dụng ý nào.
Để tìm thấy bình yên bên trong, ta không thể phụ thuộc và ý kiến của người khác và hình ảnh họ có về ta, dù đúng hay sai. Mọi lời nói, dễ chịu hay khó chịu, thân thiện hay thù địch, đều giống như tiếng vọng. Nếu ta gào những lời khen chê trước một vách đá, ta có cảm thấy tổn thương hay hỉnh mũi khi tiếng vọng trở lại tai không? Một số người nói những lời dịu dàng với dụng ý xấu, số khác tuôn ra lời khó chịu với ý tốt. Ta sáng được khen rồi chiều lại bị thoá mạ. Nếu lần nào ta cũng bám vào những lời này, ta sẽ bị xáo trộn liên miên...
Christophe André: Bác sỹ
Matthieu Ricard: Nhà sư
Cuộc trò truyện đơn thuần của ba người bạn. Ba người ở các vai trò khác nhau, họ đưa ra những quan điểm da dạng nhưng chung quy đều có phần thống nhất về cách ứng xử, góc nhìn giúp ta có những suy nghĩ và hành động bình thản hơn với các vấn đề trong cuộc sống...
Thực hành. Việc học bơi, nổi và dịu dàng nhìn các cơn sóng đi qua cần thời gian, rất nhiều thời gian. Bình yên chỉ xuất hiện trong từng chút một. Vì vậy mà ta cần chuyên tâm thực tập hằng ngày.
Khi lắng nghe thật sự, ta không cần chuẩn bị câu đáp, mà chỉ thả lỏng và lắng nghe. Thỉnh thoảng ta có cảm giác đó là một vị thế "hơi nguy hiểm", nhưng phản ứng của ta sẽ sâu sắc hơn và phù hợp hơn nhiều khi ta bỏ hẳn cái ý soạn sẵn nó. Cái thả lỏng này cũng là điều kiện để lắng nghe chân thành và địch thực khi mà ta sẵn lòng cảm động, xúc động, không đánh giá, không kiểm soát, không mong muốn khống chế, suy cho cùng là không có dụng ý nào.
Để tìm thấy bình yên bên trong, ta không thể phụ thuộc và ý kiến của người khác và hình ảnh họ có về ta, dù đúng hay sai. Mọi lời nói, dễ chịu hay khó chịu, thân thiện hay thù địch, đều giống như tiếng vọng. Nếu ta gào những lời khen chê trước một vách đá, ta có cảm thấy tổn thương hay hỉnh mũi khi tiếng vọng trở lại tai không? Một số người nói những lời dịu dàng với dụng ý xấu, số khác tuôn ra lời khó chịu với ý tốt. Ta sáng được khen rồi chiều lại bị thoá mạ. Nếu lần nào ta cũng bám vào những lời này, ta sẽ bị xáo trộn liên miên...
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