Paradise, Piece by Piece

by Molly Peacock

The president emerita of the Poetry Society of America explores her decision not to have children through a sincere, profound account of her growth as a poet and as a woman, and of the choices that have shaped her fate. Reprint.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography, Poetry, Autobiography, Writing, Biography Memoir

352 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published May 2, 1998

About the author

Molly Peacock is a widely anthologized poet, biographer, memoirist, and New Yorker transplanted to Toronto, her adopted city.

Her newest biography is FLOWER DIARY: IN WHICH MARY HIESTER REID PAINTS, TRAVELS, MARRIES & OPENS A DOOR (ECW Press). "In prose as subtle and enchanting as Mary Hiester Reid's own brushstrokes, FLOWER DIARY paints a compelling portrait of a talented and unjustly neglected paiter. Molly Peacock is unfailingly sensitive and intelligent, and at times deeply moving, as she shows how, despite the shade of domestic life and the unfavorable climate of the times, MHR brought forth her bright blossoms," writes Ross King.

Molly's latest book of poems is THE ANALYST (W.W. Norton & Company) where she takes up a unique task: telling the story of her psychotherapist who survived a stroke by reconnecting with her girlhood talent for painting. Peacock’s latest work of nonfiction is THE PAPER GARDEN: MRS. DELANY BEGINS HER LIFE'S WORK AT 72, a Canadian bestseller, named a Book of the Year by The Economist, The Globe and Mail, The Irish Times, The London Evening Standard and Booklist, published in the US, UK, Ireland, Australia and New Zealand. “Like her glorious and multilayered collages, Delany is so vivid a character she almost jumps from the page,” Andrea Wulf wrote in The New York Times Book Review.

Molly ventured into short fiction with ALPHABETIQUE: 26 CHARACTERISTIC FICTIONS magically illustrated by Kara Kosaka, published by McClelland & Stewart. Her memoir, PARADISE, PIECE BY PIECE, about her choice not to have children, is now an e-book.

Molly is featured in MY SO-CALLED SELFISH LIFE, a documentary about choosing to be childfree by Trixifilms, and she is one of the subjects of Renee McCormick’s documentary, A LIFE WITHOUT CONVENTION, https://vimeo.com/178503153. As a New Yorker, she helped create Poetry in Motion on the subways and buses; in Toronto she founded THE BEST CANADIAN POETRY IN ENGLISH. Molly is the widow of Michael Groden, a James Joyce scholar.

Reviews

[Libby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Poignant memoir of poet Molly Peacock's decision not to have children. Along the way, she heartbreakingly and poetically tells the story of her extremely dysfunctional family: brutal alcoholic father, passive absent mother, younger sister who becomes father's favorite and dies in her 40s after a drug- and alcohol-fueled life with various unsuitable men. Molly became a caretaker for them all at various times, and ended up in a relationship with a man where she basically caretakes him--supporting him financially in exchange for their sexual relationship. However, she responds to a letter from her high school boyfriend and they eventually renew their connection, first as friends and then as lovers. They end up in a good, mutually supportive marriage, something she always hoped for but didn't think was possible. An incredible story of a woman who grew as an artist and as a person. (I've read her poetry but I think I like her prose writing better.)

[Canoebeast · Rating 5 out of 5]

Started reading this book when researching people who choose not to have kids. It's so much more than that. After all, a book isn't going to be about what didn't happen, is it? I found it hard to get started with, so I dipped in here and there, reading really lovely and touching little scenes from her life, delicious with words and meanings. Just the way she comes at things with her self-awareness is a true delight. Ended up reading the entire thing, and it's a book I could well read again some day - for the distinct experience of her way of using words to capture moments. She encapsulates the family nightmares in a few scenes, amid her lovely path towards her lovely life.

I had never heard of her, and I'm not a big reader of poetry, but I am hungry to read next her book "The Paper Garden."

[Adrienne Urbanski · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book took a long time to get into, reading the first 100 pages was arduous. However, thankfully, the effort paid off and Ms. Peacock proved herself as a writer capable of turning her life into compelling material. The essential story at the heart of this memoir is (by her own admission) is how she decided, through her life experiences, not to be a mother. This may seem like too minor a topic for entire memoir, but Peacock renders all of her confusion and thoughts fully and shows how she arrived at the life choices she made. Her description of her less than perfect family also made me admire the success and privilege she eventually achieves for herself. Unlike other writers and academics, she certainly was not born with a silver spoon in her mouth.

[Allison · Rating 3 out of 5]

What I learned from this book is that sometimes I'm a real bitch. I can't think of any other reason why it took me so long to warm up to Molly Peacock. I still think women that decide not to have children assume too easily that those of us who do have children aren't the least bit conflicted about it -- as if they're the only ones who have to think about whether their lives are fulfilling or not. But cripes, she had a hellish childhood and her family would put anyone off procreating, wihtout a whole lot of soul-searching if at all. This is an honest, well-written memoir, and I completely respect her decision, and her talent.

[Allison · Rating 4 out of 5]

Note about me: I dog-ear pages where I find passages that make an indentation in my heart. This book has at least 15 dog-ears.

I won't lie, the book was challenging at first to get into. Reading about alcoholism and child abuse, as well as such raw vulnerability and fear is challenging. Reading similar questions to those which I would use to torture myself in another's words and recognizing that the questions are totally inappropriate is challenging. But once I got into the book, I could hardly stand to put it down. An honest story, an exchange even, and poetically written (which makes sense, considering she is a poet).

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really like Molly Peacock's description here of the choice not to have children as an ongoing one, that you decide not to have children, then decide again, then decide another time, and in that way, build a life you really like that doesn't include children. Some pieces of the book moved too slowly for me, but that returning to the no-children decision was interesting and nicely developed. Now, if we could get some memoirs about choosing not get married, we would REALLY be on to something!

[Bonnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this well written, interesting and brave memoir. We can never control our relatives and we need never feel guilty about them either. What a delightful read, I loved it. And we need not explain our lives either, what we do with them is our business and no one else's. That said I think the author chose to explain her life bc she is a writer and that's what they do. A great read. Highly recommend.

[Taylor Collins · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most honest looks into a life that you will encounter. I think Molly explored dysfunction before it was even cool. Of course, we're so bombarded with that now-a-days, who could even recall?

[Marisa Way · Rating 4 out of 5]

While the subject matter is less trail-blazing than it was when it was originally written almost 20 years ago, it was still an interesting and relevant read. While some passages seemed awkwardly written, others were beautiful. It made me want to read some of Molly Peacock's poetry.

[Kezia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Molly Peacock is featured in the new documentary "My So-Called Selfish Life" about women who chose not to be mothers. (If I'm not mistaken, the title itself is from Peacock's book.) Not being a poetry fan, I'd never heard of her, so I grabbed her memoir at the library. While it might not be as groundbreaking today as it was 20 years ago, the sentiment still stands: we don't need children to be fulfilled.

The layers in her past stack up and furnish reasons for her choice: family addiction and dysfunction, early parentification (obligated to care for her younger sibling), a career working with children, unstable partners. While none of this is exceptional, she makes it into compelling material. And she offers some interesting insight on the ongoing, gradual process of reaching maturity as a non-parent, as opposed to a parent, who is forced to grow up overnight. I did find it a bit tedious at times, and some of the language is affected, a bit pretentious. (This is why I'm no poetry fan.)

[Kasey Jueds · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm so glad a friend loaned me this memoir, which I'd never heard of before. It's a beautiful and moving and surprising book--surprising because of its unusual subject matter (in part, it's about the decision not to have children, but also about relationships and art and life as a poet) and also because of Molly Peacock's unique and honest take on everything in her world. I wanted to read it slowly, because the prose is so gorgeous, but also wanted to read it fast, because I couldn't wait to see what would happen to her next, how her questions would be resolved. A generous, thoughtful, and completely lovely book.

[Two Readers in Love]

"We live in a pronatalist culture, so when you decide not to have children, you find yourself at the far edge of the bell curve. How do you live happily there? Well, you live happily there if you are comfortable with your own nature. And that requires talking about how to separate motherhood from female identity. It's still a taboo subject -- not even discussed in women's studies programs. And endlessly fascinating to me, especially as the Census Bureau tells us we will be seeing increasing numbers of people making this decision."

[Lee Kofman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this memoir about the author's decision not to have children, but not without reservations. It's well written in a vivid, poetic voice and the story of Peacock's difficult upbringing and creative adulthood is gripping. But sometimes the author sounds so self-righteous... I felt she wasn’t honest when she was writing about her motives about why she didn't have children, particularly because she seems to love kids and made such a huge deal of her abortion.

[Kathryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly wonderful memoir. Detailed, honest, and exhaustive. Peacock turns her precise poet's sensibility on her own life in a painstaking yet ultimately satisfying exercise in self-awareness. Her account of her evolution as an artist, and the process of turning life's chaos into precise packages of poetry, is particularly gratifying and beautiful.

[Patricia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you, Molly Peacock for sharing your life story. It gave me the language to write my very early memories. I have read many memoirs in the past 5 years,Paradise, Piece by Piece is the only one that hasbroached the subject of finding fulfillment and happiness through channels other than motherhood.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I rescued this gem from the bargain bin at B & N... Wonderful bio on one woman's decision not to have children, how people reacted to her decision, and the effects it had on her relationships. So, so good.

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book introduced me to Molly Peacock. It's so good that I wanted to read her poetry, which is also SO good!

[Dee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Liked her prose far more than her poetry. Her memoir is beautifully told and doesn't flinch when exploring the uglier parts of her past.

[Mary Cartledgehayes · Rating 5 out of 5]

A memoir of decisions that freed her to become an accomplished poet and also a key person in getting poetry installed in the subways of New York.

[Chinook · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read in Kingston.

[Mary Cassidy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Molly Peacock is a very good writer, no one could argue with that. What bothered me about this memoir is the number of really stupid decisions well into her adulthood.

To begin, I will say that growing up with an alcoholic parent can be devastating and people often need therapy to recover, which she recognized. But the way she seems to see her childhood as terribly, horribly difficult causes me questions. I spent years with some of the marginalized of our nation, and the twelve year old girls I knew would have felt they were living in luxury if all they sere required to do was to cook supper (with all the ingredients already laid out), oversee their one younger sibling, and, by far the hardest, watch out for a drunken father. So my heart does not bleed for her for that.

A few examples of bad decisions: to take her new red-headed boyfriend (her mother has a superstitious dread of redheads), a bunch of gifts (her mother doesn’t do holidays or gifts), a Christmas tree with ornaments (she is allergic to the tree), and a ton of food as well as her messed up sister, her sister’s man friend, and a cousin to her mother’s house for a Christmas her mother doesn’t want. Or to pay for tickets for herself, her sister, and it turns out her sister’s latest man to go visit the alcoholic father in Florida although he has been harassing her with drunken phone calls, her sister has proven to be totally unstable and has called her beloved mother the c and b words, and she really expects to get her money back? Will not spoil the surprise of what happens, but this is a smart twenty-eight year old. And finally, to take on a lover who has quit his job, plans to take over her life including telling her what to do, cutting off the sunlight from her in her apartment, and expecting her to support him. Really? I had my flaky moments as I matured, but these are so over the top dumb it is hard to even imagine admitting to them.

But she does write well.

[Vicky · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book quite a lot, but I did wonder about its focus, which is the author's decision not to have children. It puzzled me that Peacock placed the emphasis on this choice, and seemed, in a way, to be apologizing for it (in both senses of that word). Many women choose not to have children these days, and there is no need to justify that choice to the world. Though I was interested in her thinking on this issue and her reasons for eschewing biological motherhood, what I found much more compelling about her journey was the way she forged a hugely creative and, yes, happy life after enduring a childhood of neglect and exploitation.

[Chuck · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fascinating memoir of a young lady that came from an extremely dysfunctional family and through higher expectations and personal discipline overcame the tradgidies of all of the other family members. It was done with strength but had its highs and lows. The bonus of this book was the insightful, thoughtful and well written insight to her skills and faults. The book ends in her forties when she is at peace with herself, but I would love to know what has happened since the book was written in the 1990s.

[Valerie Sherman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This lovely memoir reads like it was written by a poet - which of course it was. I do not remember how this made it onto my list except that it must have had something to do with building your adult life as a childfree person - which of course I am. Should be savored like a poem or a chocolatey, silvery brownie.

[Lisa Francesca · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am a fan of Molly's nonfiction. I didn't know much about this memoir and it turns out to be a well written defense of not having children. I'm just not the right audience for this book. I feel like the title was not clear enough to the topic.

[Katey Townshend · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. Not a bad book but I don’t know what I was expecting.

[Carrie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I haven't read it all, but I did page through it and read many parts of it. This book gave me the best laugh I've had in a long, long time. There is a laughably bad love scene. I read parts of it to my friend and we had tears streaming down our faces from laughing so hard. A quote: "Usually, we made love at my place in Manhattan, but I had stayed in Williamsburg with Tilla because we had come from a family birthday party and were scheduled to go to brunch in Manhattan with Mariah and one of her ex-husbands who had turned out to be a set-designer friend of Tilla's." A longer scene set-up will not be had. And, later: "...I watched his eyes open and shut, open and shut with his thrusts..." This scene was horrendously bad, but just about every sentence I read had the same pretentious, overly-indulgent self-awareness. It gets tedious and annoying. I would not read this book in its entirety.

Merged review:

I haven't read it all, but I did page through it and read many parts of it. This book gave me the best laugh I've had in a long, long time. There is a laughably bad love scene. I read parts of it to my friend and we had tears streaming down our faces from laughing so hard. A quote: "Usually, we made love at my place in Manhattan, but I had stayed in Williamsburg with Tilla because we had come from a family birthday party and were scheduled to go to brunch in Manhattan with Mariah and one of her ex-husbands who had turned out to be a set-designer friend of Tilla's." A longer scene set-up will not be had. And, later: "...I watched his eyes open and shut, open and shut with his thrusts..." This scene was horrendously bad, but just about every sentence I read had the same pretentious, overly-indulgent self-awareness. It gets tedious and annoying. I would not read this book in its entirety.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A wicked, mysterious blend of fact and fiction, Molly Peacock tells us the story of her life, piece by piece (teehee).

At times I just want to smack her and tell her to get over herself, a lot (a lot) of the book was left to her defending her decision not to have children. At times it felt like she was trying to convince herself, not us. Perhaps those sections could have been edited down a bit? I know it's a huge decision for her, and impacted a lot of the other choices in her life, so they probably felt it was a good amount of discussion. I guess...I don't know, I just felt like I got it early on and didn't need more info.

Some fun poems, some not-so-good, and some terrible choices in men. Overall interesting to read, not so fun, though.

[Sheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Molly Peacock (creator of the Poetry in Motion program in NYC, which places poem placards in public transit vehicles) writes about her decision to be child-free. Since she tells us how that decision was informed, the book is also a patchwork memoir recounting her childhood, which is the most interesting part of the book. I was amazed, as I always am, that people who choose not to have children encounter so much resistance. Almost as if the people she tells have to go through the 5 stages of grief for a child never conceived. Anyway, it's a pretty good read.

[whichwaydidshego · Rating 1 out of 5]

Just don't think I'll ever get through this. You can take naps between the points.

.......

So I'm taking this off the languishing list, because that implies I might pick it up again. Similarly, putting it on the to-read list implies I want to read it. So, since I did read over half of it, I'm saying read. But I didn't. And I won't.