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Dortmunder #12
Thieves' Dozen
Featuring Westlake's hapless hero John Dortmunder, this original compilation of short stories ties in to the author's latest Dortmunder hardcover, "The Road to Ruin."
183 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2004
66 people are currently reading
402 people want to read
About the author
Donald E. Westlake
434 books952 followersDonald E. Westlake (1933-2008) was one of the most prolific and talented authors of American crime fiction. He began his career in the late 1950's, churning out novels for pulp houses—often writing as many as four novels a year under various pseudonyms such as Richard Stark—but soon began publishing under his own name. His most well-known characters were John Dortmunder, an unlucky thief, and Parker, a ruthless criminal. His writing earned him three Edgar Awards: the 1968 Best Novel award for God Save the Mark; the 1990 Best Short Story award for "Too Many Crooks"; and the 1991 Best Motion Picture Screenplay award for The Grifters. In addition, Westlake also earned a Grand Master Award from the Mystery Writers of America in 1993.
Westlake's cinematic prose and brisk dialogue made his novels attractive to Hollywood, and several motion pictures were made from his books, with stars such as Lee Marvin and Mel Gibson. Westlake wrote several screenplays himself, receiving an Academy Award nomination for his adaptation of The Grifters, Jim Thompson's noir classic.
Some of the pseudonyms he used include
• Richard Stark
• Timothy J. Culver
• Tucker Coe
• Curt Clark
• J. Morgan Cunningham
• Judson Jack Carmichael
• D.E. Westlake
• Donald I. Vestlejk
• Don Westlake
Westlake's cinematic prose and brisk dialogue made his novels attractive to Hollywood, and several motion pictures were made from his books, with stars such as Lee Marvin and Mel Gibson. Westlake wrote several screenplays himself, receiving an Academy Award nomination for his adaptation of The Grifters, Jim Thompson's noir classic.
Some of the pseudonyms he used include
• Richard Stark
• Timothy J. Culver
• Tucker Coe
• Curt Clark
• J. Morgan Cunningham
• Judson Jack Carmichael
• D.E. Westlake
• Donald I. Vestlejk
• Don Westlake
Ratings & Reviews
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 71 reviews
June 11, 2015
It turns out that short stories about luckless professional thief John Dortmunder are just as enjoyable as his novel length adventures.
As the late Donald Westlake explains in a brief introduction, he never planned for Dortmunder to be more than the main character in a single novel, but that turned into a very successful series. Over the years, he’d have the occasional odd idea that wasn’t enough for a novel, and somehow found that he’d written enough short stories for a collection.
Most of these are what you’d expect for stories about the gloomy thief who constantly finds himself pulled into elaborate and outlandish schemes. My favorite one in this collection is Too Many Crooks . Dortmunder and his buddy Andy Kelp tunnel into a bank vault after closing time only to find out that the bank was being robbed by somebody else and the vault is full of hostages. Hilarity ensues.
One of the more interesting things in the book isn’t a story. Westlake explains in the introduction that it once looked like he might lose the rights to the Dortmunder character due to the assholery of some Hollywood lawyers. (I assume that this is related to the movie version of The Hot Rock.) In case he lost the legal battle, Westlake had a plan to have the main characters operate under new names after being wanted by the police, but he had problems coming up with a suitable name for Dortmunder.
He finally decided on the name of John Rumsey, but Westlake was shocked to realize that when he tried to write a novel with the different names that Dortmunder became different despite the fact he was supposed to be the same exact guy. As Westlake comically explains it, Rumsey was shorter than Dortmunder.
The lawsuit was eventually dropped, but Westlake included a John Rumsey story. To Westlake, Rumsey and his cohorts are a version of Dortmunder and his gang from a parallel universe where everything is slightly different. It was a fun twist to add to the collection.
As the late Donald Westlake explains in a brief introduction, he never planned for Dortmunder to be more than the main character in a single novel, but that turned into a very successful series. Over the years, he’d have the occasional odd idea that wasn’t enough for a novel, and somehow found that he’d written enough short stories for a collection.
Most of these are what you’d expect for stories about the gloomy thief who constantly finds himself pulled into elaborate and outlandish schemes. My favorite one in this collection is Too Many Crooks . Dortmunder and his buddy Andy Kelp tunnel into a bank vault after closing time only to find out that the bank was being robbed by somebody else and the vault is full of hostages. Hilarity ensues.
One of the more interesting things in the book isn’t a story. Westlake explains in the introduction that it once looked like he might lose the rights to the Dortmunder character due to the assholery of some Hollywood lawyers. (I assume that this is related to the movie version of The Hot Rock.) In case he lost the legal battle, Westlake had a plan to have the main characters operate under new names after being wanted by the police, but he had problems coming up with a suitable name for Dortmunder.
He finally decided on the name of John Rumsey, but Westlake was shocked to realize that when he tried to write a novel with the different names that Dortmunder became different despite the fact he was supposed to be the same exact guy. As Westlake comically explains it, Rumsey was shorter than Dortmunder.
The lawsuit was eventually dropped, but Westlake included a John Rumsey story. To Westlake, Rumsey and his cohorts are a version of Dortmunder and his gang from a parallel universe where everything is slightly different. It was a fun twist to add to the collection.
January 16, 2018
There has never been nor will there ever be as witty a writer as Donald Westlake. In each of the 12 short stories which make up “Thieves’ Dozen”, his scheme is laid out in a few crisp sentences, such as stealing a champion race horse, Even the asides on names chosen (Abby’s Elbow), and the delectable explanation for breeding the mincing stallion (Dire Straits)
bounce merrily along as the pair make their way through the manure strewn pasture. Each story in this collection shows the inimitable hand of the wittiest of American authors. “Too many Crooks” cannot be topped to show any aspiring writer perfection in crisp dialogue, plot line, scene setting and story telling. Wouldn’t it have been wonderful to sit at the next booth in Armweary’s?
bounce merrily along as the pair make their way through the manure strewn pasture. Each story in this collection shows the inimitable hand of the wittiest of American authors. “Too many Crooks” cannot be topped to show any aspiring writer perfection in crisp dialogue, plot line, scene setting and story telling. Wouldn’t it have been wonderful to sit at the next booth in Armweary’s?
November 27, 2019
Short stories and errata better than the later novels.
September 16, 2010
Yes, I am desperate for Dortmunders: they are almost all out of print. It was with reservations that I desperately clutched at this slim volume when I chanced upon it at Aardvark; I couldn't imagine the brilliance that is Dortmunder translating into the short story format, since the glory of Dortmunder lies in the slow, inexorable build-up.
Needless to say, I was selling Westlake short; these stories represent a pure distillation of Dortmunder, including a story generated when some evil Hollywood execs were threatening to take the "Dortmunder" name away from Westlake; so we have a one-off featuring "Rumsey", Dortmunder's short doppelganger. Whether Rumsey would share Dortmunder's unfortunate, reflexive action of giving the nom-de-crime of "Diddums" whenever pressed for an alias ("it's Welsh") is something we'll thankfully never know (he presented fake ID as "Jefferson", but that was just what was in his wallet).
Needless to say, I was selling Westlake short; these stories represent a pure distillation of Dortmunder, including a story generated when some evil Hollywood execs were threatening to take the "Dortmunder" name away from Westlake; so we have a one-off featuring "Rumsey", Dortmunder's short doppelganger. Whether Rumsey would share Dortmunder's unfortunate, reflexive action of giving the nom-de-crime of "Diddums" whenever pressed for an alias ("it's Welsh") is something we'll thankfully never know (he presented fake ID as "Jefferson", but that was just what was in his wallet).
November 14, 2025
John Dortmunder, hero of Westlake's Bank Shot and The Hot Rock (both filmed in the 1970s) and several others, also experienced some shorter adventures, all compiled in this volume.
Dortmunder's thefts are brilliantly planned, but always fall apart in ways that require Dortmunder to improvise, always amusingly. My favorites here are "Too Many Crooks," a Christmas story; and "Now What?" in which a cascading series of mishaps leave Dortmunder dazed and confused. All of the stories, though, are entertaining if you just go with the flow. I would say, this may not be a collection to read cover-to-cover all at once. Picking off one or two now and again, the stories retain their freshness and momentum.
Dortmunder's thefts are brilliantly planned, but always fall apart in ways that require Dortmunder to improvise, always amusingly. My favorites here are "Too Many Crooks," a Christmas story; and "Now What?" in which a cascading series of mishaps leave Dortmunder dazed and confused. All of the stories, though, are entertaining if you just go with the flow. I would say, this may not be a collection to read cover-to-cover all at once. Picking off one or two now and again, the stories retain their freshness and momentum.
January 6, 2023
__________________________________
Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but some.
Forty-one, I think it is. --Mark Twain
***Amended Review***
If you invited Dortmunder, the protagonist, and his girl Mae to your house for dinner, when he left, his pockets would be full of your jewelry, your computer passwords would hidden in his shoe, and your HD TV would be under his coat. Dortmunder is, as they say, a little sticky fingered. He is a sneak thief and a burglar, a grifter and a housebreaker, a purloiner, a pincher, and a pickpocket. You will like him.
It turns out, though, that a life of crime isn’t as easy as it looks on the wanted posters. Stuff happens. Adventures ensue. Funny stuff.
The Dortmunder books are great. All of the full length novels are hilarious, and Thieves Dozen proves that Dortmunder’s adventures translate well into the short story format.
You should read this book, but hang on to your wallet or purse when you do.
Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but some.
Forty-one, I think it is. --Mark Twain
***Amended Review***
If you invited Dortmunder, the protagonist, and his girl Mae to your house for dinner, when he left, his pockets would be full of your jewelry, your computer passwords would hidden in his shoe, and your HD TV would be under his coat. Dortmunder is, as they say, a little sticky fingered. He is a sneak thief and a burglar, a grifter and a housebreaker, a purloiner, a pincher, and a pickpocket. You will like him.
It turns out, though, that a life of crime isn’t as easy as it looks on the wanted posters. Stuff happens. Adventures ensue. Funny stuff.
The Dortmunder books are great. All of the full length novels are hilarious, and Thieves Dozen proves that Dortmunder’s adventures translate well into the short story format.
You should read this book, but hang on to your wallet or purse when you do.
September 1, 2024
Westllake's comic Dortmunder novels are among my favorite series of crime/caper novels. Dortmunder is a professional thief who along with his crew tend to foul up most every job they pull. THIEVES' DOZEN is a collection of short stories featuring Dortmunder written by Westlake from 1981 through 2000. The stories originally appeared in various publications including Playboy magazine.
The stories were all very enjoyable and included the usual humor that is always present in the Dortmunder novels. Among the stories Dortmunder tries to steal a race horse valued at over $300,000 with the usual consequences; attempts a bank robbery through a tunnel only to find that it was already being robbed by another crew; on the run from a burglary, Dortmunder slips into a window and blends in by helping the caterer with a Christmas party; and Dortmunder is mistaken for a substitute player as he slips into a poker game with Otto Penzler with a bag of stolen Roman coins in his pocket. I still have several of the Dortmunder novels left to read and I'm definitely looking forward to them.
The stories were all very enjoyable and included the usual humor that is always present in the Dortmunder novels. Among the stories Dortmunder tries to steal a race horse valued at over $300,000 with the usual consequences; attempts a bank robbery through a tunnel only to find that it was already being robbed by another crew; on the run from a burglary, Dortmunder slips into a window and blends in by helping the caterer with a Christmas party; and Dortmunder is mistaken for a substitute player as he slips into a poker game with Otto Penzler with a bag of stolen Roman coins in his pocket. I still have several of the Dortmunder novels left to read and I'm definitely looking forward to them.
January 2, 2009
I just love Dortmunder, or Diddums (it's Welsh), and all the gang. The regulars at OJs always make me laugh out loud. These stories are a smattering of Dortmunder, but still grand.
FROM THE PUBLISHER
On a literary landscape filled with cunning criminal masterminds, Donald E. Westlake's John Dortmunder is in a league of his own. With no scam too outrageous to contemplate, and no plan too simple to go wrong, this quirky career thief has stolen everything from money buried under a reservoir to a bank-the whole bank. Now the ultimate repeat offender returns in a first-time collection of short stories that prove that just like bagels and donuts, with Dortmunder it's always better by the dozen … Thieves' Dozen.
FROM THE PUBLISHER
On a literary landscape filled with cunning criminal masterminds, Donald E. Westlake's John Dortmunder is in a league of his own. With no scam too outrageous to contemplate, and no plan too simple to go wrong, this quirky career thief has stolen everything from money buried under a reservoir to a bank-the whole bank. Now the ultimate repeat offender returns in a first-time collection of short stories that prove that just like bagels and donuts, with Dortmunder it's always better by the dozen … Thieves' Dozen.
January 11, 2023
I decided to dive into the stories of Dortmunder after my most recent viewing of The Hot Rock--which may be the only good adaptation (thus far) of the Dortmunder stories. I had been meaning to try the books for a while, but with the recent return to Westlake's New York, I felt this was a perfect time. Usually, I like to do series in order--this being an exception, seeing as this is #12 in the series--but since this was a short story collection, I figured they didn't have an exact chronology with the other novels; I was right about that.
Boy was reading this worth it. I liked every story in this collection, and while not every one was great, per se, they were all at least good and worth the read. It was interesting reading this back to back with a collection of Arsene Lupin stories--seeing how the "master thief" genre evolved over the 60-90 years between the writings of the stories. Both were good; both were fun; both were worth reading, and I probably will at some point in the future. If you like the genre, do yourself a favor and give this collection a read, you won't be disappointed--I certainly wasn't--and you'll want to return to the world of Dortmunder soon, which I will be.
Ask a Silly Question: 4/5
Horse Laugh: 4.5/5
Too Many Crooks: 5/5
A Midsummer Daydream: 3.5/5
The Dortmunder Workout: 3/5
Party Animal: 4/5
Give Till It Hurts: 3.5/5
Jumble Sale: 3.5/5
Now What?: 4/5
Art and Craft: 4/5
Fugue for Felons: 4/5
Overall rating: 3.9/5 (rounded up)
Favorite Story: Too Many Crooks
Least Favorite Story: The Dortmunder Workout
Would I own/re-read it?: Yes!
TW: Crime, Police... really there ain't a lot to be triggered by in this one.
Does the animal die?: No animals die! A horse is the target of the robbery in one story (a very good one at that) and a guard dog appears and is tossed around (but relatively unharmed) in another, but no death, and no grievous injury!
Boy was reading this worth it. I liked every story in this collection, and while not every one was great, per se, they were all at least good and worth the read. It was interesting reading this back to back with a collection of Arsene Lupin stories--seeing how the "master thief" genre evolved over the 60-90 years between the writings of the stories. Both were good; both were fun; both were worth reading, and I probably will at some point in the future. If you like the genre, do yourself a favor and give this collection a read, you won't be disappointed--I certainly wasn't--and you'll want to return to the world of Dortmunder soon, which I will be.
Ask a Silly Question: 4/5
Horse Laugh: 4.5/5
Too Many Crooks: 5/5
A Midsummer Daydream: 3.5/5
The Dortmunder Workout: 3/5
Party Animal: 4/5
Give Till It Hurts: 3.5/5
Jumble Sale: 3.5/5
Now What?: 4/5
Art and Craft: 4/5
Fugue for Felons: 4/5
Overall rating: 3.9/5 (rounded up)
Favorite Story: Too Many Crooks
Least Favorite Story: The Dortmunder Workout
Would I own/re-read it?: Yes!
TW: Crime, Police... really there ain't a lot to be triggered by in this one.
Does the animal die?: No animals die! A horse is the target of the robbery in one story (a very good one at that) and a guard dog appears and is tossed around (but relatively unharmed) in another, but no death, and no grievous injury!
November 28, 2024
A dozen short stories of Dortmunder's misadventures. All of these were pretty entertaining but I missed the rest of his crew. Andy appears in several of the stories but only in a supporting role.
If you haven't read any of the books and don't know the character then you will miss a lot here.
If you haven't read any of the books and don't know the character then you will miss a lot here.
December 26, 2020
These are a lot of fun, like a tray of Dortmunder appetizers. And just as clever as the big ones.
May 21, 2025
Lovely collection of amusing Dortmunder short stories. If you know the novels you'll enjoy these. Four stars as although perfect, the short stories don't have the same impact and complexity. But an essential collection for fans.
April 16, 2021
Absolutely hilarious! Dortmunder is an absolute delight in short form, and I kinda like that these were more or less stories and him (with a side helping of Andy Kelp). He can get lost in the longer novels, but here, he can really shine.
October 23, 2014
When you are done with the Dortmunder novels, you still have the Dortmunder short stories to read. Will you enjoy them? Of course. Would you trade them for one more novel? Of course.
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July 4, 2024Whoever you are, Donald Westlake was probably smarter than you and without doubt funnier. As evidence I cite Thieves' Dozen, a collection of some of his best Dortmunder short stories. At first I was dubious; I didn’t expect the writer to be able to squeeze the humor and complications characteristic of the series’ novels into the abbreviated format. Of course I was wrong (note opening sentence) and most of the twelve stories are good, some very good (“Horse Laugh,” “Too Many Crooks,” “Fugue for Felons”). And there are funny phrases from the start. In the introduction (“Dortmunder and Me, in Short”), we are told, regarding the protagonist’s name, of “a contractual contretemps with a motion picture studio (the closest thing to evil incarnate left in this secular age).” In one of the stories the reader encounters “a [police]woman, built low for stability” and a cabdriver who “was apparently from some remote, probably mountainous part of Asia that hadn’t started outbreeding until very recently.” My favorite is a snatch of conversation which the protagonist overhears while moving through a crowd, which is, in its entirety, “She came to the co-op board in a false beard and claimed she was a proctologist. Well, naturally …”. If that doesn’t make you laugh, don’t read Thieves' Dozen. Otherwise it is highly recommended.
August 7, 2020
How could I pass up this collection of 12 comic heist stories featuring John Dortmunder and his gang of colorful New York crooks for only $2? It was a steal.
Is it funny? You bet. Several of the stories are hilarious. Some were just OK and made me smile. Aside from the numerous gags, Westlake's lovable crew can always be counted on for wildly entertaining heists, and there are plenty to enjoy here. There's also Westlake's incomparable wit about New York and the quirky people who live and work there.
Which story is the best? That's easy: "Horse Laugh" is the funniest story I've read since David Sedaris's "Big Boy." It's set in Short Hills, New Jersey (which appealed to this Jersey Boy), and it's about the improbable theft of a race horse named Dire Straits. I'm giggling just thinking about it. I've already read the story twice, and I'm sure to read it again. It's a classic.
Is it funny? You bet. Several of the stories are hilarious. Some were just OK and made me smile. Aside from the numerous gags, Westlake's lovable crew can always be counted on for wildly entertaining heists, and there are plenty to enjoy here. There's also Westlake's incomparable wit about New York and the quirky people who live and work there.
Which story is the best? That's easy: "Horse Laugh" is the funniest story I've read since David Sedaris's "Big Boy." It's set in Short Hills, New Jersey (which appealed to this Jersey Boy), and it's about the improbable theft of a race horse named Dire Straits. I'm giggling just thinking about it. I've already read the story twice, and I'm sure to read it again. It's a classic.
February 14, 2025
I like the full-fledged Dortmunder novels, because they include all the side characters in the gang, whereas these short stories do not, but they are still quite funny. My favorite one is where Dortmunder escapes the police by entering an apartment having a Christmas party and pretending to be part of the short-staffed catering crew. Because no one notices the catering crew. (Agatha Christie used to use that strategy too - no one notices servants, policemen, postmen, etc.) And it's totally true in many cases - they don't notice the individuals behind the uniforms. Any outing with Dortmunder is always a fun one! Westlakes wry sense of humor just cracks me up.
September 21, 2022
“Never break a law you don’t intend to break…”
A collection of Dortmunder short stories! (Well, one is a John Rumsey story…). What a treat!
Loved the first 2 pages of the introduction, especially the comment about Redford! Made me chuckle. As does the title of the book, in regards to how many stories are included! Very witty!
The beauty of these stories, and really all things Dortmunder, are his terrible, and often hilarious, bad luck. Like breaking the back wall into a bank vault to find that it’s full of hostages because the bank is being robbed from the front! This book is full of his 'tough luck'!
I do have one question though, is Diddums actually Welsh?
A collection of Dortmunder short stories! (Well, one is a John Rumsey story…). What a treat!
Loved the first 2 pages of the introduction, especially the comment about Redford! Made me chuckle. As does the title of the book, in regards to how many stories are included! Very witty!
The beauty of these stories, and really all things Dortmunder, are his terrible, and often hilarious, bad luck. Like breaking the back wall into a bank vault to find that it’s full of hostages because the bank is being robbed from the front! This book is full of his 'tough luck'!
I do have one question though, is Diddums actually Welsh?
May 18, 2018
Sheer delight. A crook who will make you smile, perhaps laugh out loud, and have you rooting for him as he strenuously avoids an honest day's work.
Eleven Dortmunder tales, among them Edgar award winner Too Many Crooks. The twelfth tale has an assortment of thieves, including an almost Dortmunder substitute, in full mayhem.
For fans, the introduction is worth it's weight in gold. The entire book is platinum.
Eleven Dortmunder tales, among them Edgar award winner Too Many Crooks. The twelfth tale has an assortment of thieves, including an almost Dortmunder substitute, in full mayhem.
For fans, the introduction is worth it's weight in gold. The entire book is platinum.
January 24, 2020
I didn't realize this was a collection of short stories until about three short stories in! Before that I was very confused. But it turns out that short stories are the right length for Dortmunder; he's sorta fun, but quickly loses his welcome --- so lots of short little scenarios are the perfect medium.
Some of these are quite good, others are not. All in all it's not an amazing read, but if you're in it this deep, you might as well.
Some of these are quite good, others are not. All in all it's not an amazing read, but if you're in it this deep, you might as well.
July 22, 2021
Laughter truly is the best medicine, and what's better for a big, hearty horse laugh than Dortmunder and Andy Kelp stealing a racehorse from a farm in New Jersey? Or foiling a bank robbery, running down a wanted terrorist, breaking up celebrity engagements, or assisting the ruin of a shoddy undercover operation?
August 4, 2021
The first collection of short stories featuring Westlake's hapless hero with a heart, John Dortmunder. A great introduction if you've never read any of the Dortmunder novels, which I recommend highly. Hoping to read and post thoughts on more of the novels soon, but if you're interested in crime light and easy like a gentle spring shower, with ample humor to go around, start here.
June 3, 2021
For fans of the Dortmunder series, these are 12 short stories that provide some mini-capers. The last one is sort of an alternate universe story with characters who are basically the same, but not quite.
July 12, 2022
Fun Little Capers
A bunch of fun little capers. All but one involved only dortmunder and one or two others, the whole crew was not there, but they still got up to lots of hijinks and got themselves out of lots of jams.
A bunch of fun little capers. All but one involved only dortmunder and one or two others, the whole crew was not there, but they still got up to lots of hijinks and got themselves out of lots of jams.
May 23, 2017
Really enjoyed this book, 12 short stories with truly funny off-beat humor.
August 10, 2017
Dortmunder short stories - onto the next one, which I hope is a full novel this time.
January 20, 2018
Sheer delight. Westlake presents a selection of finely tuned comic pieces featuring John Dortmunder
December 5, 2018
No olivathan nämä täydellisen hersyviä juttuja kaikki!
February 13, 2019
As a fan of Donald E. Westlake's Dortmunder character, I really enjoyed these short stories. I think Dortmunder and the gang exist better in novel form, but these are fun.
July 22, 2020
Short stories featuring Dortmunder.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 71 reviews