Love You Hard: A Memoir of Marriage, Brain Injury, and Reinventing Love

by Abby Maslin

Abby Maslin shares an inspiring story of resilience and commitment in a deeply affecting new memoir. After her husband suffered a traumatic brain injury, the couple worked together as he recovered—and they learned to love again. 

When Abby Maslin's husband, TC, didn't make it home on August 18, 2012, she knew something was terribly wrong. Her fears were confirmed when she learned that her husband had been beaten by three men and left for dead mere blocks from home, all for his cell phone and debit card.

The days and months that followed were a grueling test of faith. As TC recovered from a severe traumatic brain injury that left him unable to speak and walk, Abby faced the challenge of caring for — and loving — a husband who now resembled a stranger.

Love You Hard  is the raw, unflinchingly honest story of a young love left broken, and the resilience required to mend a life and remake a marriage. Told from the caregiver's perspective, this book is a daring exploration of true love: what it means to love beyond language, beyond abilities, and into the place that reveals who we really are.

At the heart of Abby and TC's unique and captivating story are the universal truths that bind us all. This is a tale of living and loving wholeheartedly, learning to heal after profound grief, and choosing joy in the wake of tragedy.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Disability, Biography Memoir, Book Club, Health, Autobiography

320 pages, Hardcover

First published March 12, 2019

Reviews

[Katharine · Rating 5 out of 5]

A full review to come soon but for now, this: I finished Abby’s story with tears streaming down my face. It’s a story of transformation, of marriage, and of the human experience. Read this book.

[Abby Maslin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am delighted to finally share my book, LOVE YOU HARD, which will be released on March 12, 2019, but is available for preorder now (loveyouhard.com). This is a story about waking up to your life and running toward heartbreak with everything you've got. It's also a story about true love: how we define it and how we choose to let it lead our lives.

I can’t wait to share this journey with you. 🙏🏽

[Katy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this book is what people call "compulsively readable." I devoured this book. The first half had me stress reading...that thing that happens when you are so invested in the people you are reading about that you start taking on their stress and worries--in a good way ;).

The funny thing is I know these people and I know how events eventually played out, but Abby (I can't bring myself to call her Maslin in a non-joking way) still managed to keep me riveted, page turning and ignoring my husband and children.

I won't try to repeat what every other reviewer has more eloquently written, that this is a story of love and marriage. That is all true of course, and it was a privilege to have a peek at the inner workings of TC and Abby's relationship. But this story is also a testimony to the strength we can pull from our family, friends and community. LYH has all the feelings. I'm in awe at how Abby has written a beautifully worded account about the most traumatic event in her life.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just read the last page of this book and my heart is broken wide open. In the best possible way.

I don’t know what I will remember most. The fish tacos, the bottle of contraband pills, TC’s Thanksgiving speech, or the passage where Abby described living amongst military veterans and how that made TC’s injury seem less conspicuous.

A beautiful diamond nestled in an empty and messy lobster claw is the PERFECT metaphor for this love story. That might have been my favorite part. No. Forget it. I can’t pick a favorite part.

Abby is beyond brave. This story was beautiful, ugly, raw, and vulnerable and I will cherish it forever. Abby- Thank you for sharing all of the stories. Even the unflinchingly honest, not so pretty ones. You are my hero!!!

[bup · Rating 5 out of 5]

She wasn't previously a professional writer, but she sure can write. Her voice is immediate, vulnerable, and honest. She doesn't make herself a hero or a villain. She's just someone who made the choice to stay.

She's real, she's competent, and I respect the heck out of her journey.

Here are a few quotes that I think show just how well she can get her feels into readers' heads:

I've never known my husband's body like this. The mechanics of it. The excretions. The fluids. The first time I memorized TC, I did so as an invited visitor, learning it through touch. Now I am one on a team of mechanics, standing next to it in stunned observation, waiting to take a look under the engine.

Everyone it didn't happen to seems to have a bold opinion about what I ought to take away from this terrible event.

Neither TC nor I would choose to spend our lives living in fear of those who might hurt us. Fear doesn't keep people safe, we've always seemed to implicitly agree. It keeps them small and scared.

Marriage is the act of choosing love again and again and again. It is the falling out of it and diving back in.

Getting home will be a three-flight, twenty-four-hour-long experience. More than enough time to contemplate the question I wrote down during my training: Will I ever love my husband again? The problem with this question, though, is its underlying assumption that it needs to be answered only once. As if I might be able to reconcile my life by simply falling in love one more time.

These are out of context (duh), but I hope they convey, a little, the depth and process that went into them. Right now, I'm kind of thinking this should be required reading for anyone applying for a marriage license.

My hat is off to Ms. Maslin.

[Marika · Rating 5 out of 5]

Abby Maslin's marriage changed forever on the night that her husband was brutally attacked by teens. Her husband TC survived but would never be the same man that she had married. With intensive therapy TC has now recovered, and is still recovering. Written from Abby's pov, this memoir gives insight into what love and marriage vows really mean...Love You Hard. How DO you love someone who has changed through no fault of their own, into a person that you don't know if you recognize, let alone love.

I read an advance copy and was not compensated.

[Christine (Queen of Books)]

CW: suicidal ideation, traumatic brain injury, assault

Love You Hard reads like a blog. There's nothing inherently wrong with that - in fact, it makes for easy reading! - but it also meant that some things aren't given the explanation or detail they may require. (As always, I'm unsure if this comes down to the author not wanting to go there, the editor cutting those bits, a combination of the two, or neither of them thinking further detail needed.) In that sense, parts of this felt unsatisfying as the reader - I wanted more.

Of course, that's a tribute to the author - that I wanted to hear more from her, not less.

I do want to mention one instance of that in particular. Abby (the author) decides she could use medication so as not to slip into suicidal ideation again. She tries Lexapro and it's not for her. And that's sort of...it? There certainly are other drugs out there that might work better for her. Or group therapy? One-on-one therapy? I'm not expecting to be privy to all her personal health information, but once she discloses both the suicidal thoughts and the decision to try medication, I really wanted that to be seen through - for her sake and for that of anyone reading. If you need help, and one pill you try doesn't work, that's okay...but you shouldn't stop there. I'm not saying that's what Abby did, but that's sort of what's implied. Again, I understand this is a private matter, but it made me uncomfortable to read about suicidal ideation, one pill having negative side effects, and that being the end of the story. I hope Abby did get appropriate help, and that anyone reading will know that there are many options out there for them and their loved ones if the first attempt at treatment isn't quite right.

Being a caregiver and living with TBI can be really freaking hard. I so appreciate the author giving us a window into what that was like for her and her husband.

[Bryn Barnes · Rating 3 out of 5]

While the writer of this story went through something horrifying and profound, I found the book itself to be overly descriptive and I had a hard time getting through it. I also wouldn’t enjoyed a book by her husband, the person with the brain injury, more. I’m definitely in the minority on this one but I found the book to be just okay.

[Lyndsay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an incredible memoir. This family’s resilience in the face of very challenging obstacles is remarkable. The author is open and honest about her challenges and perceived weaknesses. Any partner of a loved one battling illness will benefit from reading her honest accounting of their experience following traumatic brain injury. It wasn’t easy but what part of illness and caregiving is? This couple had many choices to make but in the end they chose to work together to make their lives and the lives of their children work. And more than that, they’ve chosen to love each other fiercely which is beautiful. I am thankful I read this book and that they have been willing to share their private story with the world.

[Mel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Somehow when I first picked this up I did NOT read the subtitle closely enough and so I was shocked and rapt when Maslin started retelling the experience of reporting her husband missing and assuming he had too much fun drinking with his friends or he was having an affair, to find him hours later, barely holding onto life in a nearby hospital. I'm so glad that by the nature of her job she was able to quickly take a leave and all in her sister for backup to help her get through the ordeal as her husband made a very slow recovery. I'm also glad that she so closely documented the trials of the endeavor to get her husband walking and talking again, all while also caring for their dog and young son. The ending here, of course not the ending for the pair, was lovely to see, how Maslin was, many months later, able to make a somewhat selfish choice to merely focus on herself for a few weeks, trusting the rest of her family help out as needed back home. Maslin deserves much praise for not losing hope or sanity, even though she comes closes to leaving him and, separately, contemplates suicide, being strong enough for everyone through the toughest time of their lives.

[Caroline Mea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Abby Maslin has written a touching memoir that is equal parts real and hopeful. In 2012, Maslin's husband did not return one night after a baseball game in Washington, D.C. He had suffered a brutal attack that left him with a severe and debilitating traumatic brain injury. This one event changed their lives forever.

Maslin's memoirs details her navigation of her husband's recovery and the impact that it has on their relationship. What I loved most about this account was how honest and vulnerable it is. There is no sugarcoating. There were moments where I was tearing up and moments where I was chuckling. As a somewhat random aside, I've spent significant time in many of the locations in this book (Capitol Hill, and souther Mary land), which made this even more interesting and made the story even more meaningful to me.

I loved seeing the development of Abby and TC's love story from when they were 22 to the present and the people they were, and the people they came to be.When you marry someone, you marry them for everything they are, and personality is a lot of that. But what if that personality changes due to illness or injury? It's a complicated question that I have never thought about, but this memoir explores that with grace and gentleness. Because this book is about life and love and family in all its ugly glory. I would recommend this book to anyone looking for a combination of real life, inspiration, and the healing power of self-sacrificing love.

Thank you to Dutton via NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for a review. All opinions are my own.

[Tara - runningnreading · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars, definitely worth rounding up!

Whoa, y’all, I went into this one blind, on the recommendation of a trusted reading friend, and it was so much more than I could have imagined. Author Abby Maslin narrates her own memoir about the events leading up to and following the traumatic brain injury her husband suffered as a result of a random attack one evening on his way home from a baseball game. As a healthcare professional, I was fascinated and intrigued by the medical side of this story; as a wife and friend, I was nearly heartbroken by the way in which their entire lives were changed. In spite of the tragedy, there is so much hope and inspiration to be discovered; I’ll be thinking about this one for a long time, and so much of the perspective she gained resonated with me on a personal level.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Love is hard. It wasn’t meant to be easy. All this time, I believed TC and I were connected by the simplicity of the connection we shared. That glance nearly eight years ago at a bar that set everything else in motion. But it occurs to me now that a glance is not what is kept us bound. It’s the choice; it’s our faith in each other that inspires the effort to make it every day forward.”

Oh man. This was beautiful, incredibly touching, and brutally honest. Abby’s resilience is truly an inspiration. She’s documented her journey of being a mother and caretaker to her husband whose suffered a traumatic brain injury with such grace. I think her story will give so many people hope. I’m so grateful that she wrote this book to share her story with the world. 💙

[Amy Werking · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fantastic book. I listened to it, read by the author. No spoilers you wouldn't see on the book jacket: her husband suffers a severe TBI, she becomes his caregiver, learns a lot about herself, her own needs, and her changing family dynamic through the process. It's mostly set in the DC metro area, with some of it taking place in Bethany Beach, DE and St. Mary's County, MD. I grew up and have spent most of my adult life in Calvert County, across the Patuxent from St. Mary's County. The author mentions the Tiki Bar in Solomons, which is less than a mile from where my husband I met, less than a quarter mile from where my dad and grandmother grew up, and less than a mile from where I lived for over 20 years, where I built a house prior to marrying my husband, etc. Also mentions the biological lab in Solomons where my grandfather (career Navy) worked for a short time and where my parents met as young 20 somethings. (Irrelevant: My dad did one tour in the Navy. He and my mom were both career at the biological lab. We have many wonderful friendships with people we've met through the lab.) She also mentions her dad's place of employment in St. Mary's County, adjacent to the college where I worked for several years. The credits refer to several yoga instructors I'm familiar with, as she and I practiced in the same yoga studio in St. Mary's County. Many references to many things I'm familiar with in Bethany Beach, where my in-laws vacation every year, and we now join them for, and other people and places around the DelMarVa area. Only criticism is simply because I'm so familiar with the area. to Ms. Maslin's credit, she's only been 'round here' since she was 12. She mentioned St. Mary's County is flush with a military population. Yes, there's a lot, and I'd have to go back to find her exact words to finesse my criticism, but she exaggerates. It's a major test and acquisition Naval base, but without ships, there's not a ton of enlisted personnel, families, etc. It's a great base with a bit of a transient population but honestly, just not that big.

[Jessie · Rating 3 out of 5]

There at the end all of a sudden it was a book about yoga. That caught me off guard. But it was a good read with a good message, and the stuff in the middle (pt and speech therapy, depression, complicated relationship problems, etc) was fascinating.

That moment early on in TC’s recovery—the description of how author felt when the pt came in and got TC out of the bed and he was “sitting” totally slumped in the chair… the pt kept saying, “He’s doing amazing!” But to Abby she just felt sad watching him, because of the contrast between reality and what he SHOULD be able to do. That is exactly how I feel sometimes when Grace’s therapists try to get her to do the most basic activity, and are thrilled with minor progress. Sometimes it’s easier on my emotions not trying to get her to do stuff. Thank goodness for therapy.

[Danielle Mella · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was easily the best book I have read this year and perhaps one of the best I have ever read. I went back and forth between listening on audible and reading because I couldn't stop devouring it once I had started. Abby and TC's story is incredible and raw. Abby is somehow able to put her experience into words in a way that I don't think many writers can. This book made me think about my own life, how I live it, and in many ways I felt transformed just by reading it. Cannot recommend enough.

[Katie Caporale · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this memoir on accident while browsing and I feel certain it was meant to grace my life. Being married to someone with a TBI, who has suffered from seizures and Aphasia, among other challenges, I certainly felt a connection to this family’s experiences but what I can’t fathom is how they were able to come to terms with the act of violence that caused TC’s injury. I deeply admire the author’s truth and her courage to find herself. While on the tight rope of balancing all her other roles of wife, mom, daughter, caregiver, teacher.....she took time for herself and discovered that she is the only person responsible for finding happiness and gratitude in this life. The author wrote, “To survive, we must simply live. To love, we must love hard.” Beautiful and inspiring words that I will tuck into my heart as I move forward.

[Lauren Archer · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you love memoirs don't pass this one over. Maslin put a lot of time and love into this book just like she does with her family and it absolutely shows throughout this memoir.

For my full review visit: https://obsessedbookaholic.com/2019/0...

[Holli · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book turned me inside out. I appreciate that Abby was brave enough to provide all the unsavory details of her family's journey in the hopes of helping others. I was heartened by her candor and inspired by the new definition of love they created together. This is a beautiful reflection on marriage, family, and tragedy.

[rivka]

Shelved because of this WaPo article: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifest...

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful, soul-changing book. ❤️

[Megan Palmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a master class in memoir writing. Abby does an amazing job of showing her vulnerability and struggles as she learns to accept her husband's traumatic brain injury, while keeping the trains on the tracks with her young son, career and many other responsibilities. It shows how essential yet difficult it is to care for the self under such duress. The author teaches the reader about courage perseverance in the setting of a TBI and is openly candid about her own feelings throughout. As TC recovers and their marriage is in trouble for various reasons, she faces new challenges head on while discovering what she wants out of this life. Looking forward to reading more work from this author.

[Merrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

“To survive, we must simply live. To love, we must love hard.” This book has left me emotionally exhausted, but the messages of hope and love and perseverance will stay with me for some time. Abby Maslin shares an honest and raw account of her husband's attack, his recovery from brain injury, and the road the family takes toward reinventing a new normal. I was in constant awe of her strength and TC's desire to recover. A true love story developed from the worst of circumstances. An excellent story!

[Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cried and laughed at this beautiful memoir of a family dealing with a brain injury and the aftermath.

[Keeney Gabe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I COULD NOT PUT THIS BOOK DOWN!!! Seriously, the second I started reading I was glued to it. Reading on the go, in public, even at a rock concert! (Sorry, Animal Collective!) Abby hooked me with her blog back when TC's assault first happened. The way she writes, it's like she's speaking directly to you. Like you're the most intimate of friends. She bares her whole soul in her writing, sparing no detail of the attack and the aftermath. Not just on TC's health, but their marriage and her own mental well-being. You will not make it through this without being moved to tears. While TC's assault and recovery from the resulting traumatic brain injury are unique, the way Abby reflects on love and humanity is universal. Everyone can benefit from reading this book. You will be forever changed. For the better. Order this now - and get an extra copy for your mom, your best friend, your local library... oh, and also be sure to follow Abby on social media. She is one of the most compassionate, genuine, inspiring and brilliant voices of our tumultuous generation.

[Bethany Sullivan · Rating 5 out of 5]

We have all been hit by life in excruciating, unjust, and unforeseen ways...and left with the question of "what do I do now?" In Love You Hard, Abby Maslin takes that primordial human experience and explores it through the intimate account of nearly losing her husband--and her marriage--to assault and brain injury. Through graceful language, raw emotion, and even self-deprecating humor, she relates how she and her husband faced extreme trauma and re-built their vision of themselves as individuals and as a unit. It's a narrative that everyone can relate to whether or not they've personally dealt with traumatic brain injury. And it leaves you feeling connected to the world, and hopeful for the future.

I tore through this book. You will too.

[Alexis · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very frustrated with this book. The concept is great. It's a memoir by a woman whose husband is violently assaulted and he ends up with a brain injury. When I was concussed, I got very interested in reading stories about brain injuries.

In the first section, Maslin talks about how amazing her husband is. She have the most amazing relationship and he is a saint. It just seemed over the top to me.

I like how she talks about the difficulties of the relationship, and some of the things that the brain injured and their care givers have to deal with. The section where they travelled to Nova Scotia, which has one of the best centres for aphasia in North America, was particularly interesting to me. But there were just some things that grated for me about this book. In one section, Maslin takes anti-depressants and becomes very giddy. From one day? They worked that quickly? I have issues with that depiction.

I felt frustrated by both the story and the writing, but I do feel that Maslin is tackling an important issue. I also like how she didn't take a polarizing stand against the perpetrators of the crime and didn' t go on a racial violence diatribe. This book had enough to keep me reading, but I still had issues.

[Janet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve followed Abby since learning of her husband’s injury on the news when we were practically neighbors in DC in 2012. Her memoir of the incident and the aftermath is well-written, detailed, honest, and raw without being full of platitudes or glossing over her own darkest moments. She makes it easy to relate and feel hope alongside her as she navigates a life and marriage she didn’t plan for when she was barely 30 years old. She and TC are a reminder that there are extraordinary people out there in the world and I appreciate that she let us in on their story.

[Linda Kotis · Rating 5 out of 5]

As one who knows the family (Abby Maslin was my daughter’s 4th grade teacher) and was living on Capitol Hill when TC was attacked, I am struck afresh by the authenticity of Ms. Maslin’s prose. The story is gripping – the surreal nature of the hours following TC’s disappearance; the slow realization that TC is gravely injured and everything is not going to be okay; and the ultimate decision by Abby and TC to stand up to the unfair lot handed to them. Ms. Maslin spares us nothing. She shares her anger, sadness, fear and exhaustion in the initial stages of coming to terms with TC’s injury. We watch as TC’s recovery begins in earnest, and bits of hope begin to reappear, not for the restoration of the past, rather for a new kind of future that can hold happiness again for her family. This book is about changed thinking and changed lives. Read it and you may find it changes yours as well.

[Christine M in Texas (stamperlady50) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Abby and TC’s world is turned upside down when he is brutally attacked after attending a baseball game with his friends. Having a toddler at home they have to figure out how to rebuild their lives after the horrific crime. I could not put this book down. I love how brutally honest she is with her feelings! They wanted to deal with everything in private but the media’s attention in DC makes it impossible.

They go through hell and back and have to adjust their lives differently from what they envisioned. Hard decisions are made for all involved, but Abby and TC have amazing friends/family that help them through. Love comes in many forms and is every changing. Not only do they deal with his injury but Abby's family deals with several health scares. Life is not always neat, but so glad they are making it work and their love persevered.