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She's My Dad: A Father’s Transition and a Son’s Redemption
Jonathan S. Williams was three months into pastoring a new, evangelical church plant when his father confessed a secret: he was transgender. His father, Paul, a prominent evangelical pastor, soon became Paula, and Jonathan's life and ministry went into a tailspin. Feeling betrayed by his mentor and confidante and scared that his church would lose funding and support if Paula's secret was exposed, Jonathan sunk into depression and alcoholism.
She's My Dad explores Jonathan's long and winding journey toward reconciliation, forgiveness, and acceptance of his father as well as his church's journey to become one of the few fully LGBTQ-inclusive, evangelical churches in America. Jonathan and Paula offer insight and encouragement for those with transgender family members, empathizing with the feelings of loss and trauma and understanding that even being LGBTQ-affirming doesn't mean the transition of a family member will be easy. Jonathan writes of his family's continuing evolution, the meaning of remaining loyal to one's father even when she is no longer a man, the ongoing theological evolution surrounding transgender rights and advocacy in the church, and the unflinching self-scrutiny of a pastor who lost his God only to find God again in his father's transition.
She's My Dad explores Jonathan's long and winding journey toward reconciliation, forgiveness, and acceptance of his father as well as his church's journey to become one of the few fully LGBTQ-inclusive, evangelical churches in America. Jonathan and Paula offer insight and encouragement for those with transgender family members, empathizing with the feelings of loss and trauma and understanding that even being LGBTQ-affirming doesn't mean the transition of a family member will be easy. Jonathan writes of his family's continuing evolution, the meaning of remaining loyal to one's father even when she is no longer a man, the ongoing theological evolution surrounding transgender rights and advocacy in the church, and the unflinching self-scrutiny of a pastor who lost his God only to find God again in his father's transition.
216 pages, Paperback
Published November 20, 2018
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November 13, 2018
As a Pastor of a Brooklyn New York Community Church, Jonathan S. Williams didn't see his father Paul transitioning to live as a woman. During the time his father transitioned there wasn't much information available about transgender people, gender identity issues and no Caitlyn Jenner or Orange Is The New Black. "She's My Dad" is William's account not only of his father's truth but his own acceptance of his father as a woman and the change in his family dynamic that would permanently alter the course of his own life.
Was the man who lovingly nurtured him, reading him the Chronicles of Narnia, enjoyed Hockey games, hiking, mountain climbing and went with him regularly to see the Mets an imposter? His father was a pastor of and spoke at Evangelical mega-churches across America. He stood at well over 6 feet, a healthy weight portioned, with dark hair with a respectful commanding stature. William's loved his Dad, and wanted nothing more than to not disappoint him, his Dad was his hero. William's was crushed to get the call that his father needed him to fly to his home in Denver and talk to him personally about the drastic change that his father was determined to make. After his father's announcement of his transition, he was discharged from his job immediately.
This is a book about love, acceptance and spirituality. This wasn't easy for Williams, but eventually his ministry was about inclusion and affirmation and the acceptance of LGBTQ people regardless of race, gender or sexual orientation. ** With thanks and appreciation to WJK Press via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.
Was the man who lovingly nurtured him, reading him the Chronicles of Narnia, enjoyed Hockey games, hiking, mountain climbing and went with him regularly to see the Mets an imposter? His father was a pastor of and spoke at Evangelical mega-churches across America. He stood at well over 6 feet, a healthy weight portioned, with dark hair with a respectful commanding stature. William's loved his Dad, and wanted nothing more than to not disappoint him, his Dad was his hero. William's was crushed to get the call that his father needed him to fly to his home in Denver and talk to him personally about the drastic change that his father was determined to make. After his father's announcement of his transition, he was discharged from his job immediately.
This is a book about love, acceptance and spirituality. This wasn't easy for Williams, but eventually his ministry was about inclusion and affirmation and the acceptance of LGBTQ people regardless of race, gender or sexual orientation. ** With thanks and appreciation to WJK Press via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.
October 2, 2018
She's My Dad is a fascinating read with a very important message valuing love and acceptance. In this memoir, Jonathan Williams, a pastor, recounts the story of his father's transition and discusses its impact on his own life. Williams' father, Paul (now Paula), was also a pastor; both parent and son, before becoming ministers, were involved in a churchbuilding organization, a movement within Evangelical Christianity, and had both based their entire lives around the church.
I'm guessing that Williams' intended audience is his fellow Christians since he chose a religious publisher for his book. I grew up in an Evangelical community and based on my experience with this ultraconservative group, I am not sure if they are ready for Williams' message. But I hope some of them are. The message in this book is incredibly powerful.
Williams has a strong grasp of structure (probably from years of writing and preaching sermons). He begins his story by throwing the reader right into the thick of things by describing his father's trip home to New York to come out to the family. This is a family full of pastors, all members deeply entwined with their church. Paula, then Paul, recognizes this and describes his situation clinically, flipping through the DSM-4 (the transgender identity was removed from the newer DSM-5 and is no longer recognized as a psychiatric disorder), "talking about the possible ways the synapses and receptors in his brain might have come to the conclusion that he's really a woman." Williams glosses over how the rest of his family responded, but he himself is shattered. He essentially goes through the stages of grief, feeling confused, angry, and depressed as he struggles with losing his father.
"There's no handbook. There's no 'how to' on YouTube. We're rightfully creating a culture where those who identify as being transgender receive greater support, but behind every coming-out party, there is a family that's weeping, drinking too much, and Googling exactly what it means to be transgender."
Paula's story is undoubtedly fascinating. I can't imagine being so immersed in an ultraconservative community, being a leader in that community, and then coming out as transgender, which is akin to transforming into an agent of the devil himself to those people. And there are a few chapters in the book written by Paula, giving us a glimpse into what she herself was going through. That story would make a great book, but this book doesn't tell that story. This book is Jonathan Williams' story. He too turns to the logic of the DSM-4 to help cope but "learning those terms and definitions intellectually did not change the emotional impact of who my father was and was becoming. I still struggled to understand the root cause that brought about such utter destruction and grief to my life. It began to dawn on me that the simple and easy rhythm in which we shared our lives would forever be different. I couldn't conceptualize this difference. When one goes through the trauma of a parent changing gender, the default is to maintain one's framework for looking at the world." And so he does. Paula, of course, immediately loses her job when she comes out as transgender. Williams recognizes that he too would lose his job if he "came out" as the accepting son of a transgender woman, so he, at first, hides his aspect of his life from his church. He struggles to reconcile his relationship with his parent with his ultraconservative community. At first, he takes small steps, by "liking" the Facebook post of a woman who came out, and by welcoming gay men and women into his church (secretly, of course, which made me uncomfortable). He begins to drink heavily. He tells a select few people in his life about his parent's changing identity but is disappointed when they focus on his parent's side by celebrating Paula's courage and perseverance. Williams recognizes that this narrative is good and true but that a "deeper narrative" of the pain that accompanies each transition is being missed.
It's easy to think Williams wants more pity and attention (I did after reading some of these passages), but again, this is his book and his story. His message is that other people are affected by a transition and that the popular narrative today "doesn't take into account the sheer complexity of having one's father, brother, sister, mother, child, or spouse become a completely different person on a neurological level. . . [T]here are friends and family members whose neural pathways are also literally rewired in the process of comprehending their loved one's transition."
Williams' relationship with his parent is strained in the months after Paula initially came out to the family, but he works through his feelings and eventually the two regain their close and loving relationship. Williams has to make some difficult choices about his career and eventually leaves the church-building community to focus on a progressive church that is welcoming to the LGBT community.
The entire story arc ended there. If the book had also ended there, I would have still enjoyed this book. But Williams goes on to discuss his ideas about reconciling his Christian faith with the need to love and accept his parent. The Evangelical world has no place for people like Paula, which is truly awful, and completely at odds with Jesus' love they neighbor philosophy. As Williams points out, the Bible only has a few passages that could possibly be referencing homosexuality, and none of them came from Jesus' mouth. Williams needs to leave his old world for one where his parent's truth is accepted and acknowledged, and he creates this world in his new church.
"As a church, we wanted to convey that healing and restoration come from the freedom to live out one's true identity. To take that identity and dissect it through Old Testament proof texting seemed to miss the mark entirely. While we're debating the meanings of ancient texts, so many in the queer community are presently marginalized, hurt, and even dying, for attempting to live out the truth of how they are perfectly created in the image of God."
I applaud this message. By leaving his old community and career, Williams demonstrated incredible courage. It's not quite fair to compare this courage to Paula's, but, again, this isn't that book.
Williams spends the final section of this book discussing, in depth, certain passages in the Bible. He puts the Bible in its proper context of an ancient text that should be treated as a living document rather than literal truth. He points to the US Constitution as another example: we should not take the words of eighteenth century white men as absolute truth, but use it as a guide. He outlines some interesting theories about what those Bible passages that seemingly condemn homosexuality actually mean, and points to some similar passages that had one meaning thousands of years ago and a completely different meaning today, such as the Abraham/Issac sacrifice story and passages condoning rape and slavery. This section of the book reads a bit like a Bible study, but Williams again demonstrates his strong sense of narrative structure by bringing us back to a final scene that mirrors a passage from earlier in the book, at a baseball game, where he concludes that he is at peace with his faith and that he and his parent have a wonderful relationship again.
Throughout the book, Williams constantly refers to Paula as he/him and “my father” but I tried not to hold that against him. He does throw she/her in there seemingly at random. My guess is that referring to Paula is “my father” makes it easier for his audience, since this is a Christian publisher. He also uses asterisks to censor curse words (f*ck) which is irritating, but again, Christian publisher.
She's My Dad gives me hope for the Evangelical Christian community. If two leaders in the movement are able to not only leave but thrive and bring a new message of love and acceptance, maybe deeper change on an institutional level is possible. This memoir is intelligent, perceptive, and unapologetically honest, and I would highly recommend this book to everyone, but especially to my Christian friends.
Release date November 2018, available for pre-order now.
ARC provided by Westminster John Knox Press in exchange for an honest review.
The quotes above were taken from an ARC and are subject to change upon publication.
I'm guessing that Williams' intended audience is his fellow Christians since he chose a religious publisher for his book. I grew up in an Evangelical community and based on my experience with this ultraconservative group, I am not sure if they are ready for Williams' message. But I hope some of them are. The message in this book is incredibly powerful.
Williams has a strong grasp of structure (probably from years of writing and preaching sermons). He begins his story by throwing the reader right into the thick of things by describing his father's trip home to New York to come out to the family. This is a family full of pastors, all members deeply entwined with their church. Paula, then Paul, recognizes this and describes his situation clinically, flipping through the DSM-4 (the transgender identity was removed from the newer DSM-5 and is no longer recognized as a psychiatric disorder), "talking about the possible ways the synapses and receptors in his brain might have come to the conclusion that he's really a woman." Williams glosses over how the rest of his family responded, but he himself is shattered. He essentially goes through the stages of grief, feeling confused, angry, and depressed as he struggles with losing his father.
"There's no handbook. There's no 'how to' on YouTube. We're rightfully creating a culture where those who identify as being transgender receive greater support, but behind every coming-out party, there is a family that's weeping, drinking too much, and Googling exactly what it means to be transgender."
Paula's story is undoubtedly fascinating. I can't imagine being so immersed in an ultraconservative community, being a leader in that community, and then coming out as transgender, which is akin to transforming into an agent of the devil himself to those people. And there are a few chapters in the book written by Paula, giving us a glimpse into what she herself was going through. That story would make a great book, but this book doesn't tell that story. This book is Jonathan Williams' story. He too turns to the logic of the DSM-4 to help cope but "learning those terms and definitions intellectually did not change the emotional impact of who my father was and was becoming. I still struggled to understand the root cause that brought about such utter destruction and grief to my life. It began to dawn on me that the simple and easy rhythm in which we shared our lives would forever be different. I couldn't conceptualize this difference. When one goes through the trauma of a parent changing gender, the default is to maintain one's framework for looking at the world." And so he does. Paula, of course, immediately loses her job when she comes out as transgender. Williams recognizes that he too would lose his job if he "came out" as the accepting son of a transgender woman, so he, at first, hides his aspect of his life from his church. He struggles to reconcile his relationship with his parent with his ultraconservative community. At first, he takes small steps, by "liking" the Facebook post of a woman who came out, and by welcoming gay men and women into his church (secretly, of course, which made me uncomfortable). He begins to drink heavily. He tells a select few people in his life about his parent's changing identity but is disappointed when they focus on his parent's side by celebrating Paula's courage and perseverance. Williams recognizes that this narrative is good and true but that a "deeper narrative" of the pain that accompanies each transition is being missed.
It's easy to think Williams wants more pity and attention (I did after reading some of these passages), but again, this is his book and his story. His message is that other people are affected by a transition and that the popular narrative today "doesn't take into account the sheer complexity of having one's father, brother, sister, mother, child, or spouse become a completely different person on a neurological level. . . [T]here are friends and family members whose neural pathways are also literally rewired in the process of comprehending their loved one's transition."
Williams' relationship with his parent is strained in the months after Paula initially came out to the family, but he works through his feelings and eventually the two regain their close and loving relationship. Williams has to make some difficult choices about his career and eventually leaves the church-building community to focus on a progressive church that is welcoming to the LGBT community.
The entire story arc ended there. If the book had also ended there, I would have still enjoyed this book. But Williams goes on to discuss his ideas about reconciling his Christian faith with the need to love and accept his parent. The Evangelical world has no place for people like Paula, which is truly awful, and completely at odds with Jesus' love they neighbor philosophy. As Williams points out, the Bible only has a few passages that could possibly be referencing homosexuality, and none of them came from Jesus' mouth. Williams needs to leave his old world for one where his parent's truth is accepted and acknowledged, and he creates this world in his new church.
"As a church, we wanted to convey that healing and restoration come from the freedom to live out one's true identity. To take that identity and dissect it through Old Testament proof texting seemed to miss the mark entirely. While we're debating the meanings of ancient texts, so many in the queer community are presently marginalized, hurt, and even dying, for attempting to live out the truth of how they are perfectly created in the image of God."
I applaud this message. By leaving his old community and career, Williams demonstrated incredible courage. It's not quite fair to compare this courage to Paula's, but, again, this isn't that book.
Williams spends the final section of this book discussing, in depth, certain passages in the Bible. He puts the Bible in its proper context of an ancient text that should be treated as a living document rather than literal truth. He points to the US Constitution as another example: we should not take the words of eighteenth century white men as absolute truth, but use it as a guide. He outlines some interesting theories about what those Bible passages that seemingly condemn homosexuality actually mean, and points to some similar passages that had one meaning thousands of years ago and a completely different meaning today, such as the Abraham/Issac sacrifice story and passages condoning rape and slavery. This section of the book reads a bit like a Bible study, but Williams again demonstrates his strong sense of narrative structure by bringing us back to a final scene that mirrors a passage from earlier in the book, at a baseball game, where he concludes that he is at peace with his faith and that he and his parent have a wonderful relationship again.
Throughout the book, Williams constantly refers to Paula as he/him and “my father” but I tried not to hold that against him. He does throw she/her in there seemingly at random. My guess is that referring to Paula is “my father” makes it easier for his audience, since this is a Christian publisher. He also uses asterisks to censor curse words (f*ck) which is irritating, but again, Christian publisher.
She's My Dad gives me hope for the Evangelical Christian community. If two leaders in the movement are able to not only leave but thrive and bring a new message of love and acceptance, maybe deeper change on an institutional level is possible. This memoir is intelligent, perceptive, and unapologetically honest, and I would highly recommend this book to everyone, but especially to my Christian friends.
Release date November 2018, available for pre-order now.
ARC provided by Westminster John Knox Press in exchange for an honest review.
The quotes above were taken from an ARC and are subject to change upon publication.
November 10, 2018
Thank you to NetGalley, the author and publisher for an ARC ebook copy to review. As always, an honest review from me.
My rating is actually 3.5/5 stars, but since there aren't half stars I always round up.
She’s My Dad tells the story of Jonathan’s Dad transitioning to her true self, Paula. The book is honest about the challenges, learning process and love that goes into having a family member transition. The process is made even more complex, because Paula is a pastor in the Evangelical church.
I liked that the chapters alternated perspectives between Jonathan and Paula, allowing the reader to better understand the story from all perspectives. I didn’t realize the focus in religion would be so great. I’m not religious, but I learned a lot about churches excluding or choosing to include LGBTQIA+ people. I think the book could be very helpful and validating for people who are religious and identify as LGBTQIA+.
While it was hard to hear Jonathan’s struggles about his dad transitioning, it was honest. For awhile he didn’t seem very kind to Paula, which bothered me. I think a lot of people can relate to the loss and confusion they may also feel. I feel like the book focused on the church a lot, and maybe would have been more well rounded by including a wider variety of experiences.
Overall, an honest, educational and heartfelt book about Jonathan and his dad, Paula’s story.
* In the book, Jonathan refers to Paula as his dad, so to my knowledge I’m not misgendering anyone. But if I’m wrong, please correct me.
My rating is actually 3.5/5 stars, but since there aren't half stars I always round up.
She’s My Dad tells the story of Jonathan’s Dad transitioning to her true self, Paula. The book is honest about the challenges, learning process and love that goes into having a family member transition. The process is made even more complex, because Paula is a pastor in the Evangelical church.
I liked that the chapters alternated perspectives between Jonathan and Paula, allowing the reader to better understand the story from all perspectives. I didn’t realize the focus in religion would be so great. I’m not religious, but I learned a lot about churches excluding or choosing to include LGBTQIA+ people. I think the book could be very helpful and validating for people who are religious and identify as LGBTQIA+.
While it was hard to hear Jonathan’s struggles about his dad transitioning, it was honest. For awhile he didn’t seem very kind to Paula, which bothered me. I think a lot of people can relate to the loss and confusion they may also feel. I feel like the book focused on the church a lot, and maybe would have been more well rounded by including a wider variety of experiences.
Overall, an honest, educational and heartfelt book about Jonathan and his dad, Paula’s story.
* In the book, Jonathan refers to Paula as his dad, so to my knowledge I’m not misgendering anyone. But if I’m wrong, please correct me.
February 15, 2019
As soon as I saw the advertisement for this book in my inbox from WJK Press, I knew I had to read it. I believe in making space for the narratives of people who would normally go unheard in our society. As soon as I knew this book was available, I knew that it was important for me to hear Paula's story.
I am a person who has made my home and my life in the church. I love the church very much; however, I know that the church has deeply hurt many people in many different ways throughout history. Reading Paula's story broke my heart. I found myself racing through this relatively brief book in only two days. I needed to know what happened to Paula.
The majority of this book is told from the perspective of Paula's son, Jonathan. At certain points, Paula has the opportunity to respond. Her writing is full of strength and grace. I was deeply moved by her words.
In contrast, I had a very difficult time identifying with Jonathan. I was intrigued to hear what it was like in his church and in his world. It was enlightening to learn about what goes on behind the scenes in megachurches. I was fascinated by Jonathan's honest explanation of what it takes to make a new church start successful. Sadly, though, there were many times when I wanted to reach through the pages and shake Jonathan because I disagreed with his choices or his actions.
This was a beautiful book with an important story that needs to be told; however, I would have preferred it if the story was entirely told through Paula's perspective. This book makes me want to read more of Paula's writings and hear more about her own journey of faith.
I am a person who has made my home and my life in the church. I love the church very much; however, I know that the church has deeply hurt many people in many different ways throughout history. Reading Paula's story broke my heart. I found myself racing through this relatively brief book in only two days. I needed to know what happened to Paula.
The majority of this book is told from the perspective of Paula's son, Jonathan. At certain points, Paula has the opportunity to respond. Her writing is full of strength and grace. I was deeply moved by her words.
In contrast, I had a very difficult time identifying with Jonathan. I was intrigued to hear what it was like in his church and in his world. It was enlightening to learn about what goes on behind the scenes in megachurches. I was fascinated by Jonathan's honest explanation of what it takes to make a new church start successful. Sadly, though, there were many times when I wanted to reach through the pages and shake Jonathan because I disagreed with his choices or his actions.
This was a beautiful book with an important story that needs to be told; however, I would have preferred it if the story was entirely told through Paula's perspective. This book makes me want to read more of Paula's writings and hear more about her own journey of faith.
October 6, 2018
‘Oh boo hoo get over it’ is what I felt a lot of time. I never really got into the book till about 47%, seemed more about the church than transgender. I also felt he repeated him self a lot.
Then I gave up at 83% and did not finish.
Then I gave up at 83% and did not finish.
April 15, 2019
Westminster John Knox Press reached out to asked me if I would read and review She’s My Dad. Not knowing anything about the book, but knowing the publisher was a Christian publisher, I accepted their offer to read She’s My Dad, and I am grateful I did. I tend to look over reviews before I begin reading a book that I accept or request to read and review. I read some of the reviews of She’s My Dad and was horrified by the heartlessness expressed in some of the reviews. You’ve read the books' description, which is a shared memoir between Jonathan and Paula, so there is no need for me to further speak to Jonathan and Paula’s story. My only thought as I read She’s My Dad, emotions aside, is that I felt Jonathan and Paula might have written personal memoirs or had equal parts in their biography.
An excellent example of this is a book titled Why I Left: Why I Stayed written by Tony and Bart Campolo, father, and son, which gave equal voice to both father and son in writing their separate stories together. I bring Tony and Bart’s memoir up as an example as to how I believe She’s My Dad may have been written while being mutually inclusive to both Jonathan and Paula. The stories of the Campolos and the Williams are similar but different at the same time. And I will leave it at that.
Life is strange, and ironically, I finished reading She’s My Dad while on a plane from SC bound for Brooklyn, NY for vacation. I knew Jonathan was the lead pastor of a church in Brooklyn, and I was thinking what a great opportunity it would be to attend his service and have some time to talk to Jonathan about She’s My Dad while I was in Brooklyn, before writing my review. Unfortunately, due to conflicting schedules, we were unable to meet each other’s available time frames. Nevertheless, Jonathan has agreed to participate in an author interview on my blog within the next three-four weeks. So, please check back for my interview with Pastor Jonathan S. Williams.
Not all of the reviews I preread about She's My Dad was negative. There were just as many, if not more positive reviews. However, what deeply disturbed me was that although Jonathan had lost the man he had known as his father for approximately thirty-six years when Paula came out as transgender, several reviewers were dismissive of Jonathan’s emotional journey. Jonathan, married with two children, ages four and six when the man Jonathan’s children had known as Grampa would eventually become GrandPaula. There is heartache in Jonathan and Paula’s story, a pain experienced by both Paula and Jonathan. There was also humor that readers will never experience by only reading the negative reviews that dismissed Jonathan's pain and struggles to accept the loss of his father through Paula’s transition, and opting not to read She's My Dad.
I cried, I laughed, and I felt empathy, which is something we need more of in our world today. Jonathan was a 3rd generation Evangelical pastor. Early in the memoir, Jonathan was talking about his family legacy and shared some humorous stories from his mother's earlier days about New York:
“My mother and her three sisters toured the country, raising support for churches in New York. They sang about the love of God and how New Yorkers needed that love more than ever.” – Jonathan S. Williams
Did you laugh? Maybe if you are a New Yorker you did not laugh, but I went to kindergarten in Yonkers, NY and spent intermittent periods of my youth in Albany, Schenectady, Poughkeepsie, Wappinger Falls, et cetera. New York continues to feel like home to me which is why I attempt to return yearly. And yes, I laughed.
“My mother inhabited New York but never truly lived in New York. Her family considered the largely Catholic makeup of the area to be dangerous, given that “Catholics weren’t Christians at all and worthy of damnation.” – Jonathan S. Williams
I laughed again. However, the humor does not stop here, while the reader of She’s My Dad encounters humor, there is also raw honesty, anger, confusion, denial, grief, loss, understanding, and yes there is love. Some of the negative reviews of She’s My Dad were insensitive, particularly the ones that criticized Jonathan, or complained about there being too much church and scripture within She’s My Dad.
As I have already pointed out, Jonathan is a third generation pastor, Paula is a pastor, Jonathan’s grandfather was a pastor. The Church has been Jonathan’s entire life, just as it has been Paula’s whole life. Including the Church, and scripture was an essential part of telling their story. There would not have been a memoir had the Church been omitted from She’s My Dad. Try writing a memoir while leaving the majority of your life out of your book. There will be no book, just as there would not have been a memoir had Jonathan and Paula omitted the Church. Every book regardless of whether it’s a memoir, fiction, or non-fiction must include a backstory. The Church was Jonathan and Paula’s backstory.
Others believed that “Christians wouldn’t get it,” or in one of the reviews I read, the reviewer suggested that Jonathan’s journey contained life-issues that don’t touch pastors—self-doubt, depression, anger, despair, and all things human. What belief system honestly holds these ideas to be true of the men and women who choose to become the Church's representatives for God? If anyone believes that Pastors, Ministers, Reverends, Bishops, and clergy are without feelings and emotions. Or that they don't have any internal struggles of their own regardless of whether they are similar to Jonathan and Paula’s experience, or divorce (of which I have personally known married pastors who divorced and were not turned out by the Church), or any other battle that you and I experience as parishioners of the Church. If you believe this you are disillusioned.
If you are a member of a church where the head of your church denies having their individual crosses to bear, your pastor is failing you, and failing the church as a whole by keeping his or her struggles and emotional battles secret. People are people, regardless of calling. Cut us, and we will all bleed red, and that includes the heads of Churches. I have read that pastors were not supposed to get depressed, and I’ve sat and listened to a Christian tell me that "Anxiety is a sin." Both depression and anxiety, as well as other mental health issues, are handed down to us genetically. In She’s My Dad, we learn that Paula suffered from depression and anxiety throughout her life. Why would it be implausible for Jonathan to not also suffer from depression and anxiety, particularly when discovering his entire life had not been as he believed it to be?
Shockingly I also read “transgendered people wouldn’t want to read the book as a transgendered person.” Why would anyone suggest this? I would ask the reviewer if they missed the alarming statistic that 41% of the transgender populace attempt suicide, or perhaps this was the part of the book that you skipped over? She's My Dad is the book to be read by all, whether you are transitioning, or it's your mother, father, brother, sister, or you merely want to grasp a more unambiguous understanding of what people go through during a transition. To be clear, transitioning does not only affect the one going through the process; it changes the entire family dynamic, in the immediate and the extended family, as well as friendships and colleagues. There was a time when those who loved another of their same-sex had an extremely high percentile rate for suicide. We love who we love; it’s that simple. From a very young age, Sunday School and the Church tell us we are ALL created in God's image (Genesis 1:27), without exception.
Others opined that Jonathan came across as selfish, inflexible and whiney. Let’s look at this up close and personal for a moment. Paul, before transitioning to Paula was Jonathan’s father whom Jonathan had followed in his Evangelical footsteps, and he was Jonathan’s best friend and mentor. He was Jonathan's hero. They shared a bond as father and son that many never share with their fathers or their mothers. Jonathan’s entire life changed as he worked through the stages of grief that all of us go through upon losing a loved one. It took Jonathan some time, and there is no pre-determined timeline for getting through the stages of grief. However, Jonathan gets there. As traumatic and gut-wrenching as Paula’s journey has been, Jonathan’s transition was just as gut-wrenching and painful for him.
Life deals us blows that are unexpected, and we never see them coming. There are stages for making our way through these times, regardless of the cause. Self-awareness and acceptance do not come overnight; sometimes it takes years to find our way back to the comfort of our lives just as it did for Jonathan and Paula. But they each eventually make it through the darkness, and Jonathan's love renews itself again for the man that was once his father but has now become Paula. At one point, Jonathan acknowledges to himself:
“I was proud of her transition. I was proud of the fact that her waking up to greet life was a courageous act known only by few. That made me happy for my father.” — Jonathan S. Williams
Time heals all wounds for most people who face the unexpected; time and the ability to work through to understanding the other's place and feelings. Paula’s transitioning affected all aspects of Jonathan’s life. He had to stand before his church and share his story with his congregation; he had to admit to them that he did not know how to get through this blow. He was lost. The hierarchy of the Evangelical Church abandoned him; although, the church he pastored chose to support Jonathan for the most part. And then Jonathan and his wife had to help their two young children walk through the transitioning process themselves. Jonathan said it best:
“There’s no playbook for telling your children that their grandfather is now a woman. There’s no playbook for telling your children that their father is in the middle of a crisis brought about by mourning his father, who is no longer present as a father, but is still alive, and is technically still a father … It gets complicated.” — Jonathan S. Williams
She’s My Dad is a heart-wrenching memoir of letting go of what once was and moving forward with the new, over time, step by step, and day by day. I repeatedly use the words of Lin Manuel when I say, “Love is Love is Love is Love.” Jonathan and Paula’s memoir is chock full of every emotion known to humanity, and as a reader, I experienced every one of these emotions as I read She’s My Dad. Regardless of the 1-3 star negative reviews, you read when deciding if you want to read one of the most honest and vulnerable memoirs written, I strongly recommend that you overlook the negative and read She’s My Dad, and decide for yourself. And remember as Jonathan says so well:
“The harder one falls, and the later in life, the longer it takes to heal. The scars don’t go away.” — Jonathan S. Williams
I have provided a TED video of Jonathan and Paula together that penetrated my heart, and perhaps it will penetrate yours as well.
Visit my blog to read my full review: https://dbmoone.com/2019/04/13/book-r...
Thank you to Westminster John Know Press, NetGalley, Jonathan S. Williams, and Paula Stone Williams for the opportunity to read and review She’s My Dad.
An excellent example of this is a book titled Why I Left: Why I Stayed written by Tony and Bart Campolo, father, and son, which gave equal voice to both father and son in writing their separate stories together. I bring Tony and Bart’s memoir up as an example as to how I believe She’s My Dad may have been written while being mutually inclusive to both Jonathan and Paula. The stories of the Campolos and the Williams are similar but different at the same time. And I will leave it at that.
Life is strange, and ironically, I finished reading She’s My Dad while on a plane from SC bound for Brooklyn, NY for vacation. I knew Jonathan was the lead pastor of a church in Brooklyn, and I was thinking what a great opportunity it would be to attend his service and have some time to talk to Jonathan about She’s My Dad while I was in Brooklyn, before writing my review. Unfortunately, due to conflicting schedules, we were unable to meet each other’s available time frames. Nevertheless, Jonathan has agreed to participate in an author interview on my blog within the next three-four weeks. So, please check back for my interview with Pastor Jonathan S. Williams.
Not all of the reviews I preread about She's My Dad was negative. There were just as many, if not more positive reviews. However, what deeply disturbed me was that although Jonathan had lost the man he had known as his father for approximately thirty-six years when Paula came out as transgender, several reviewers were dismissive of Jonathan’s emotional journey. Jonathan, married with two children, ages four and six when the man Jonathan’s children had known as Grampa would eventually become GrandPaula. There is heartache in Jonathan and Paula’s story, a pain experienced by both Paula and Jonathan. There was also humor that readers will never experience by only reading the negative reviews that dismissed Jonathan's pain and struggles to accept the loss of his father through Paula’s transition, and opting not to read She's My Dad.
I cried, I laughed, and I felt empathy, which is something we need more of in our world today. Jonathan was a 3rd generation Evangelical pastor. Early in the memoir, Jonathan was talking about his family legacy and shared some humorous stories from his mother's earlier days about New York:
“My mother and her three sisters toured the country, raising support for churches in New York. They sang about the love of God and how New Yorkers needed that love more than ever.” – Jonathan S. Williams
Did you laugh? Maybe if you are a New Yorker you did not laugh, but I went to kindergarten in Yonkers, NY and spent intermittent periods of my youth in Albany, Schenectady, Poughkeepsie, Wappinger Falls, et cetera. New York continues to feel like home to me which is why I attempt to return yearly. And yes, I laughed.
“My mother inhabited New York but never truly lived in New York. Her family considered the largely Catholic makeup of the area to be dangerous, given that “Catholics weren’t Christians at all and worthy of damnation.” – Jonathan S. Williams
I laughed again. However, the humor does not stop here, while the reader of She’s My Dad encounters humor, there is also raw honesty, anger, confusion, denial, grief, loss, understanding, and yes there is love. Some of the negative reviews of She’s My Dad were insensitive, particularly the ones that criticized Jonathan, or complained about there being too much church and scripture within She’s My Dad.
As I have already pointed out, Jonathan is a third generation pastor, Paula is a pastor, Jonathan’s grandfather was a pastor. The Church has been Jonathan’s entire life, just as it has been Paula’s whole life. Including the Church, and scripture was an essential part of telling their story. There would not have been a memoir had the Church been omitted from She’s My Dad. Try writing a memoir while leaving the majority of your life out of your book. There will be no book, just as there would not have been a memoir had Jonathan and Paula omitted the Church. Every book regardless of whether it’s a memoir, fiction, or non-fiction must include a backstory. The Church was Jonathan and Paula’s backstory.
Others believed that “Christians wouldn’t get it,” or in one of the reviews I read, the reviewer suggested that Jonathan’s journey contained life-issues that don’t touch pastors—self-doubt, depression, anger, despair, and all things human. What belief system honestly holds these ideas to be true of the men and women who choose to become the Church's representatives for God? If anyone believes that Pastors, Ministers, Reverends, Bishops, and clergy are without feelings and emotions. Or that they don't have any internal struggles of their own regardless of whether they are similar to Jonathan and Paula’s experience, or divorce (of which I have personally known married pastors who divorced and were not turned out by the Church), or any other battle that you and I experience as parishioners of the Church. If you believe this you are disillusioned.
If you are a member of a church where the head of your church denies having their individual crosses to bear, your pastor is failing you, and failing the church as a whole by keeping his or her struggles and emotional battles secret. People are people, regardless of calling. Cut us, and we will all bleed red, and that includes the heads of Churches. I have read that pastors were not supposed to get depressed, and I’ve sat and listened to a Christian tell me that "Anxiety is a sin." Both depression and anxiety, as well as other mental health issues, are handed down to us genetically. In She’s My Dad, we learn that Paula suffered from depression and anxiety throughout her life. Why would it be implausible for Jonathan to not also suffer from depression and anxiety, particularly when discovering his entire life had not been as he believed it to be?
Shockingly I also read “transgendered people wouldn’t want to read the book as a transgendered person.” Why would anyone suggest this? I would ask the reviewer if they missed the alarming statistic that 41% of the transgender populace attempt suicide, or perhaps this was the part of the book that you skipped over? She's My Dad is the book to be read by all, whether you are transitioning, or it's your mother, father, brother, sister, or you merely want to grasp a more unambiguous understanding of what people go through during a transition. To be clear, transitioning does not only affect the one going through the process; it changes the entire family dynamic, in the immediate and the extended family, as well as friendships and colleagues. There was a time when those who loved another of their same-sex had an extremely high percentile rate for suicide. We love who we love; it’s that simple. From a very young age, Sunday School and the Church tell us we are ALL created in God's image (Genesis 1:27), without exception.
Others opined that Jonathan came across as selfish, inflexible and whiney. Let’s look at this up close and personal for a moment. Paul, before transitioning to Paula was Jonathan’s father whom Jonathan had followed in his Evangelical footsteps, and he was Jonathan’s best friend and mentor. He was Jonathan's hero. They shared a bond as father and son that many never share with their fathers or their mothers. Jonathan’s entire life changed as he worked through the stages of grief that all of us go through upon losing a loved one. It took Jonathan some time, and there is no pre-determined timeline for getting through the stages of grief. However, Jonathan gets there. As traumatic and gut-wrenching as Paula’s journey has been, Jonathan’s transition was just as gut-wrenching and painful for him.
Life deals us blows that are unexpected, and we never see them coming. There are stages for making our way through these times, regardless of the cause. Self-awareness and acceptance do not come overnight; sometimes it takes years to find our way back to the comfort of our lives just as it did for Jonathan and Paula. But they each eventually make it through the darkness, and Jonathan's love renews itself again for the man that was once his father but has now become Paula. At one point, Jonathan acknowledges to himself:
“I was proud of her transition. I was proud of the fact that her waking up to greet life was a courageous act known only by few. That made me happy for my father.” — Jonathan S. Williams
Time heals all wounds for most people who face the unexpected; time and the ability to work through to understanding the other's place and feelings. Paula’s transitioning affected all aspects of Jonathan’s life. He had to stand before his church and share his story with his congregation; he had to admit to them that he did not know how to get through this blow. He was lost. The hierarchy of the Evangelical Church abandoned him; although, the church he pastored chose to support Jonathan for the most part. And then Jonathan and his wife had to help their two young children walk through the transitioning process themselves. Jonathan said it best:
“There’s no playbook for telling your children that their grandfather is now a woman. There’s no playbook for telling your children that their father is in the middle of a crisis brought about by mourning his father, who is no longer present as a father, but is still alive, and is technically still a father … It gets complicated.” — Jonathan S. Williams
She’s My Dad is a heart-wrenching memoir of letting go of what once was and moving forward with the new, over time, step by step, and day by day. I repeatedly use the words of Lin Manuel when I say, “Love is Love is Love is Love.” Jonathan and Paula’s memoir is chock full of every emotion known to humanity, and as a reader, I experienced every one of these emotions as I read She’s My Dad. Regardless of the 1-3 star negative reviews, you read when deciding if you want to read one of the most honest and vulnerable memoirs written, I strongly recommend that you overlook the negative and read She’s My Dad, and decide for yourself. And remember as Jonathan says so well:
“The harder one falls, and the later in life, the longer it takes to heal. The scars don’t go away.” — Jonathan S. Williams
I have provided a TED video of Jonathan and Paula together that penetrated my heart, and perhaps it will penetrate yours as well.
Visit my blog to read my full review: https://dbmoone.com/2019/04/13/book-r...
Thank you to Westminster John Know Press, NetGalley, Jonathan S. Williams, and Paula Stone Williams for the opportunity to read and review She’s My Dad.
September 7, 2019
Well written and gives me hope that conservatives can and will join in support of our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters.
February 8, 2019
I really wanted to love this book, but instead I found myself simply skimming through. There were aspects of the book that I did find intriguing. I don't know that I have ever given a great deal of thought to what the family of a person going through a transition experiences. How this is like a death, and the struggles they would have. The raw honesty in this part of the book was very emotional and touching, but the book quickly became repetitive and jumped between the struggles inside the family and the struggles with the Evangelical church.
April 22, 2019
This book wasn't for me. It just didn't grab me and I'm not sure why. I feel like it was a little long and that some things could have been cut to increase the pace of the story. I appreciated the openness and honesty. I also liked that Paula got to respond at the end of every chapter.
February 20, 2020
I am a firm believer that if you do not understand or are not familiar with something, that before you judge or take a stance on it you should learn about it as much as possible. When it comes to information about being transgendered, it's an area that I am fairly uneducated in.
A couple of years ago over coffee with a friend, I learned that Paul Williams had become Paula Williams and had a TED Talk available to watch on YouTube. I was shocked. I had known Paul briefly through our church when my husband and I were volunteers on staff. He had walked us through DISC profile and other staff interpersonal trainings and had delivered a handful of sermons on stage - Sundays I considered "Can't Miss". I watched the TED Talk and was in tears hearing Paula's story. I then listened to a second TED Talk with Jonathan and Paula and cried again. Their stories were moving and had God's hand laced throughout. I needed to learn more, and so read several of Paula's blog entries, watched the Red Table Talk with Jada Pinkett Smith on FB, and also found this book.
I could not put it down. The interpretations of scripture that are used to exclude LGBTQ groups have never sat well with me. Throughout my life I have had close LGBTQ friends and was part of the school's Gay/Straight Alliance and any LGBTQ person I had ever met was wonderful in their core being. How could how they are internally designed not be acceptable?
The transition of Paul to Paula, her story, the story of Jonathan's mourning and acceptance... in reading this book, I could see God's grace throughout their story. It was amazing to read the rawness of Jonathan's feelings and how he navigated through them from denial to acceptance and all the stages of grief in between. It was wonderful to read Paula's responses, where she allowed her son to process these feelings without judgment and with space & grace. Reading about Forefront Church's progression from standard issue Evangelical Church to a progressive church where all are not just welcomed but told they are loved by God and accepted and affirmed for being true to their identities was inspiring.
As a society, we are quick to insult or ignore that which we don't understand. We fear the unknown and so cast it aside and cast stones so that it cannot have a voice. This book and the lives of the entire Williams family and those who work beside them give voice and a path for the LGBTQ+ Christian Community. While all of us have our own path to be "ready" to learn about the unknown, the story of the Williams family is a reminder that in the meantime - we should still love those who we don't understand.
A couple of brief passages that sum it up for me:
"We're never asked to completely grasp a concept overnight. We're not asked to take impossible steps before God. Rather, conciousness comes step by step, little by little, with lots of growing pains and new ideas. It comes with changing brain chemistry and new neural pathways and lots of prayer. It comes through conversation, and slowly, but surely, expanding our ideas about how absolutely big and infinite our God truly is...
...In order for Christianity to proclaim the good news, we need to stop asking the questions of the vertically constructed theology, and instead ask 'To whom does humanity belong?' The answer is profoundly simple. We belong to the infinitely loving and gracious Creator who shows us that God has been with us all along."
I highly recommend this book to ALL Christians. I encourage us all to engage in conversations with grace, with love, to ask questions, and to love. And I hope one day to "meet" Paula again.
A couple of years ago over coffee with a friend, I learned that Paul Williams had become Paula Williams and had a TED Talk available to watch on YouTube. I was shocked. I had known Paul briefly through our church when my husband and I were volunteers on staff. He had walked us through DISC profile and other staff interpersonal trainings and had delivered a handful of sermons on stage - Sundays I considered "Can't Miss". I watched the TED Talk and was in tears hearing Paula's story. I then listened to a second TED Talk with Jonathan and Paula and cried again. Their stories were moving and had God's hand laced throughout. I needed to learn more, and so read several of Paula's blog entries, watched the Red Table Talk with Jada Pinkett Smith on FB, and also found this book.
I could not put it down. The interpretations of scripture that are used to exclude LGBTQ groups have never sat well with me. Throughout my life I have had close LGBTQ friends and was part of the school's Gay/Straight Alliance and any LGBTQ person I had ever met was wonderful in their core being. How could how they are internally designed not be acceptable?
The transition of Paul to Paula, her story, the story of Jonathan's mourning and acceptance... in reading this book, I could see God's grace throughout their story. It was amazing to read the rawness of Jonathan's feelings and how he navigated through them from denial to acceptance and all the stages of grief in between. It was wonderful to read Paula's responses, where she allowed her son to process these feelings without judgment and with space & grace. Reading about Forefront Church's progression from standard issue Evangelical Church to a progressive church where all are not just welcomed but told they are loved by God and accepted and affirmed for being true to their identities was inspiring.
As a society, we are quick to insult or ignore that which we don't understand. We fear the unknown and so cast it aside and cast stones so that it cannot have a voice. This book and the lives of the entire Williams family and those who work beside them give voice and a path for the LGBTQ+ Christian Community. While all of us have our own path to be "ready" to learn about the unknown, the story of the Williams family is a reminder that in the meantime - we should still love those who we don't understand.
A couple of brief passages that sum it up for me:
"We're never asked to completely grasp a concept overnight. We're not asked to take impossible steps before God. Rather, conciousness comes step by step, little by little, with lots of growing pains and new ideas. It comes with changing brain chemistry and new neural pathways and lots of prayer. It comes through conversation, and slowly, but surely, expanding our ideas about how absolutely big and infinite our God truly is...
...In order for Christianity to proclaim the good news, we need to stop asking the questions of the vertically constructed theology, and instead ask 'To whom does humanity belong?' The answer is profoundly simple. We belong to the infinitely loving and gracious Creator who shows us that God has been with us all along."
I highly recommend this book to ALL Christians. I encourage us all to engage in conversations with grace, with love, to ask questions, and to love. And I hope one day to "meet" Paula again.
May 29, 2019
I have to be honest: when the invitation to read this e-galley popped up in my inbox, my very first reaction was that I wasn't interested. Why? For the boring reason that I don't know anyone who has transitioned gender, so I didn't think it was something I needed to read.
My next thoughts countered my initial reaction: I needed to become a more diverse reader. I needed to read more books that were completely outside of my personal experience and outside of my comfort zone. I needed books that challenged my pre-conceived ideas, my natural aversions to certain subjects, my tendency to read about subjects I felt familiar with. So I accepted the invitation to read She's My Dad: A Father's Transition and a Son's Redemption by Jonathan Williams with Paula Stone Williams.
Right away, I realized I did have something in common with the author and his father. They came from an Evangelical, non-denominational church culture that took the Bible as objective truth and considered it the Word of God. This was the culture I was steeped in my whole life until just a few years ago.
This culture said they loved the LGBTQIA community, but because of a handful of Biblical passages, considered the queer lifestyle sinful and wouldn't allow anyone in the LGBTQIA community to join the church, serve in the church, be baptized, etc. Does that sound like love to you? Nope, I didn't think so.
This story is centered around an Evangelical thirty-something pastor, Jonathan, and his dad, Paul (also a pastor). Paul comes out to his family and tells them he's a woman. He changes his name to Paula, begins hormone therapy, and begins to act and dress as a woman: hair, makeup, clothing, etc. He loses his job as a pastor and has to start his life over.
Although the book is interspersed with a few chapters from Paula's perspective, it is mainly about how Jonathan, as a son, deals with his father's gender transition, both internally and externally.
He has to grapple with the grief, anger, denial, and the decision whether or not to accept his father as woman. He has to deal with the effects of the rejection his father experiences once his transition becomes public. He has to decide what to do about the church network he's a part of that does not welcome gay or transgender people. He has to look at the Bible in new ways and think long and hard about theology that he has always believed to be true.
As so often happens when I read or listen to the story of the "other", someone who seems so different from me, I discovered common ground. In addition to growing up in a similar church culture, I also experienced rejection from the church as a result of my decision to divorce. Whether it was letters and "return to God" messages or the “Great Silence” that accompanied disapproval, disappointment, and an ineptitude for dealing with someone who stepped out of the box, I experienced rejection as well, although on a much less dramatic level than Paula and Jonathan.
I am glad my better nature won the day I was deciding whether to read this book. It has been helpful for me to learn about gender transition and to think about how much of the Christian church has failed to show love, humility, and grace to those it doesn't have a doctrinal box for. And how parts of the church are showing up and just loving people no matter what. I'm grateful that Jonathan shared the journey of how he dealt with his dad's transition. If you are interested in transgender issues in the Evangelical church, I recommend She's My Dad by Jonathan Williams.
My next thoughts countered my initial reaction: I needed to become a more diverse reader. I needed to read more books that were completely outside of my personal experience and outside of my comfort zone. I needed books that challenged my pre-conceived ideas, my natural aversions to certain subjects, my tendency to read about subjects I felt familiar with. So I accepted the invitation to read She's My Dad: A Father's Transition and a Son's Redemption by Jonathan Williams with Paula Stone Williams.
Right away, I realized I did have something in common with the author and his father. They came from an Evangelical, non-denominational church culture that took the Bible as objective truth and considered it the Word of God. This was the culture I was steeped in my whole life until just a few years ago.
This culture said they loved the LGBTQIA community, but because of a handful of Biblical passages, considered the queer lifestyle sinful and wouldn't allow anyone in the LGBTQIA community to join the church, serve in the church, be baptized, etc. Does that sound like love to you? Nope, I didn't think so.
This story is centered around an Evangelical thirty-something pastor, Jonathan, and his dad, Paul (also a pastor). Paul comes out to his family and tells them he's a woman. He changes his name to Paula, begins hormone therapy, and begins to act and dress as a woman: hair, makeup, clothing, etc. He loses his job as a pastor and has to start his life over.
Although the book is interspersed with a few chapters from Paula's perspective, it is mainly about how Jonathan, as a son, deals with his father's gender transition, both internally and externally.
He has to grapple with the grief, anger, denial, and the decision whether or not to accept his father as woman. He has to deal with the effects of the rejection his father experiences once his transition becomes public. He has to decide what to do about the church network he's a part of that does not welcome gay or transgender people. He has to look at the Bible in new ways and think long and hard about theology that he has always believed to be true.
As so often happens when I read or listen to the story of the "other", someone who seems so different from me, I discovered common ground. In addition to growing up in a similar church culture, I also experienced rejection from the church as a result of my decision to divorce. Whether it was letters and "return to God" messages or the “Great Silence” that accompanied disapproval, disappointment, and an ineptitude for dealing with someone who stepped out of the box, I experienced rejection as well, although on a much less dramatic level than Paula and Jonathan.
I am glad my better nature won the day I was deciding whether to read this book. It has been helpful for me to learn about gender transition and to think about how much of the Christian church has failed to show love, humility, and grace to those it doesn't have a doctrinal box for. And how parts of the church are showing up and just loving people no matter what. I'm grateful that Jonathan shared the journey of how he dealt with his dad's transition. If you are interested in transgender issues in the Evangelical church, I recommend She's My Dad by Jonathan Williams.
March 10, 2021
Thank you to NetGalley and Westminster John Knox Press for this reader's copy. In exchange, I am providing an honest review.
Paul Williams was the head of a large denominational church planting ministry, a pastor who spoke all over the country in mega churches and was revered in Evangelical circles. (Sidenote: not all Evangelical circles as I have never heard of him, ever, and I was birthed straight into the church from my Mama's womb.) He had a wife and three children. He also had a secret. He wasn't a man, he was a woman and he needed to live as that woman finally.
Jonathan Williams thought he knew his father. His father, Paul, was his mentor in the faith and in life, he strove to be the kind of man his father was. But when his Dad sat in his living room and said he was actually a she Jonathan felt the world stop. He didn't know what to do with this revelation that his Dad, the man he had looked up to his entire life, hated being a man, never felt like a man, and was going to transition to a woman to live out their truth.
Thus began a journey, personal and familial, for the Williams family. Within a very short amount of time, Paul Williams was let go from all ministry and began to physically transform into who she knew she was. Paula Williams was born. And while Paula was being reborn, her family was going through a rebirth themselves - trying to figure out if they had ever known their husband and father and what did Paula living as Paul all those years mean for all of their memories and examples in faith, life, etc?
This is the story of Jonathan and Paula. The end of their Paul and Jonathan relationship and the beginning of their Paula and Jonathan relationship. It was raw, it was painful, it was hard, but Jonathan looks at his Dad and sees how free and beautiful she is living as she always felt she was on the inside.
Not only does Jonathan share his personal journey of accepting, embracing, and affirming his Dad's transition but he also shares the journey of the church he was pastoring and their decision to become fully inclusive and affirming. Both were painful processes. Chiming in on some of the chapters is Paula, sharing with the reader her perspective of the time Jonathan happens to be writing about in the chapter.
Here's what I appreciated about this book, the permission Jonathan and his family had to grieve the loss of someone they loved and the space they were given to celebrate the authenticity of someone they loved. I know, or at least I can imagine, how hard it is for the person transitioning to go through all the changes and beginnings and ends of things but there has to be space for that person's loved ones to grieve the loss of one person and the rebirth of another. There has to be space for both and Jonathan and Paula Williams share their story of how that happened.
Paul Williams was the head of a large denominational church planting ministry, a pastor who spoke all over the country in mega churches and was revered in Evangelical circles. (Sidenote: not all Evangelical circles as I have never heard of him, ever, and I was birthed straight into the church from my Mama's womb.) He had a wife and three children. He also had a secret. He wasn't a man, he was a woman and he needed to live as that woman finally.
Jonathan Williams thought he knew his father. His father, Paul, was his mentor in the faith and in life, he strove to be the kind of man his father was. But when his Dad sat in his living room and said he was actually a she Jonathan felt the world stop. He didn't know what to do with this revelation that his Dad, the man he had looked up to his entire life, hated being a man, never felt like a man, and was going to transition to a woman to live out their truth.
Thus began a journey, personal and familial, for the Williams family. Within a very short amount of time, Paul Williams was let go from all ministry and began to physically transform into who she knew she was. Paula Williams was born. And while Paula was being reborn, her family was going through a rebirth themselves - trying to figure out if they had ever known their husband and father and what did Paula living as Paul all those years mean for all of their memories and examples in faith, life, etc?
This is the story of Jonathan and Paula. The end of their Paul and Jonathan relationship and the beginning of their Paula and Jonathan relationship. It was raw, it was painful, it was hard, but Jonathan looks at his Dad and sees how free and beautiful she is living as she always felt she was on the inside.
Not only does Jonathan share his personal journey of accepting, embracing, and affirming his Dad's transition but he also shares the journey of the church he was pastoring and their decision to become fully inclusive and affirming. Both were painful processes. Chiming in on some of the chapters is Paula, sharing with the reader her perspective of the time Jonathan happens to be writing about in the chapter.
Here's what I appreciated about this book, the permission Jonathan and his family had to grieve the loss of someone they loved and the space they were given to celebrate the authenticity of someone they loved. I know, or at least I can imagine, how hard it is for the person transitioning to go through all the changes and beginnings and ends of things but there has to be space for that person's loved ones to grieve the loss of one person and the rebirth of another. There has to be space for both and Jonathan and Paula Williams share their story of how that happened.
June 24, 2019
“She’s My Dad” explores what happens to a son, the family and the church when a dad transitions from a man to a woman. It tells the story of how Jonathan Williams responded and adjusted when his father Paul Williams, a prominent evangelical pastor, became Paula Stone Williams.
This book was hard for me to read, but I'm so glad I did! As a born-again Christian raised in a church with strong gender rules and the belief that being gay is a choice, I wasn’t sure what to expect from this story. I would love to say that it shattered my beliefs, but a more accurate description is that it cracked my beliefs. And that’s what loving God can do. Through conversations, prayer, exposure, and relationships, we learn, grow and become mature believers who fall more in love with God and His people every day.
In Jonathan’s case, he had no choice but to accept reality. He’s very real, though, about how his father’s transition affected him personally, of their estrangement and how he used alcohol to cope. He’s also very honest about how the transition affected his church and forced them to address the need in his life. I was encouraged by how he tried to hide for a long time, but when he was finally honest, people could rally around him and offer real life-affirming support.
Jonathan and Paula also explore what happens to a family when a member transitions. Basically, everything changes and the upheaval can strengthen or destroy individual family members and the family as a whole.
Today, Jonathan and Paula have reconciled. And Jonathan’s church has become one of the few fully LGBTQ-inclusive, evangelical churches in America.
I appreciated the message of love. What would happen if we laid aside our beliefs and suppositions about what being a Christian is about and instead choose to love?
I also appreciated how Jonathan and Paula both share insights, including advice for individuals who want to transition and their family members.
The writing style is a bit wonky. Jonathan’s sections often move between timelines and retell the same story but from different perspectives. Paula’s sections also sometimes seem to not address what her son shared but travel all over the place. This wonkiness creates confusion and makes the book challenging to read. But the message is important for Christians and others, especially the last few chapters where we see how the situation was resolved.
I highly recommend this book. It’s important for anyone who’s interested in learning more about God’s love and for those who are struggling to love, accept or include someone who’s different.
This book was hard for me to read, but I'm so glad I did! As a born-again Christian raised in a church with strong gender rules and the belief that being gay is a choice, I wasn’t sure what to expect from this story. I would love to say that it shattered my beliefs, but a more accurate description is that it cracked my beliefs. And that’s what loving God can do. Through conversations, prayer, exposure, and relationships, we learn, grow and become mature believers who fall more in love with God and His people every day.
In Jonathan’s case, he had no choice but to accept reality. He’s very real, though, about how his father’s transition affected him personally, of their estrangement and how he used alcohol to cope. He’s also very honest about how the transition affected his church and forced them to address the need in his life. I was encouraged by how he tried to hide for a long time, but when he was finally honest, people could rally around him and offer real life-affirming support.
Jonathan and Paula also explore what happens to a family when a member transitions. Basically, everything changes and the upheaval can strengthen or destroy individual family members and the family as a whole.
Today, Jonathan and Paula have reconciled. And Jonathan’s church has become one of the few fully LGBTQ-inclusive, evangelical churches in America.
I appreciated the message of love. What would happen if we laid aside our beliefs and suppositions about what being a Christian is about and instead choose to love?
I also appreciated how Jonathan and Paula both share insights, including advice for individuals who want to transition and their family members.
The writing style is a bit wonky. Jonathan’s sections often move between timelines and retell the same story but from different perspectives. Paula’s sections also sometimes seem to not address what her son shared but travel all over the place. This wonkiness creates confusion and makes the book challenging to read. But the message is important for Christians and others, especially the last few chapters where we see how the situation was resolved.
I highly recommend this book. It’s important for anyone who’s interested in learning more about God’s love and for those who are struggling to love, accept or include someone who’s different.
February 16, 2019
One reaction to a transgender person in my former fundagelical approach to the world is to believe such a person is deceived by the devil if not fully cooperating with Satan. In fact, it is such a demonic act that one should not even participate in using the person's new name. The observational, scientific understanding of sex, gender, genitalia, and brain structure are not yet allowed to disagree with Moses's binary assertion that in the beginning God created them male and female. Compassion is not allowed to overrule bronze age judgments, the very issue Jesus fought against in his interactions with his contemporary Bible-thumpers.
Experience forces us to reconsider the primacy of scripture. For Jesus, it was an encounter with a Gentile woman. For Peter it was a dream about eating non-kosher food. For me it was the coming out of a family member. For Jonathan Williams, it was his dad, a successful leader of a large fundagelical church planting organization, admitting he's always known he was not a man despite his genitals. These guys knew their Bibles thoroughly. They had pastored churches. They had baptized disciples. They had preached the good news. But did the good news stop at a man in his 60's who had faithfully served the Lord for decades who was now attempting to align his external life with his internal life?
In 2012, I might have said yes. But like the author of this book, I've made a painful discovery, to believe that God is indeed love. It's a beautiful discovery, but painful when your religious community turns against you for believing this verse over all the others in the Bible. For Jonathan's father, Paula, it was being fired from the church planting organization she headed for 20 years, and losing all the friends made over that time frame. For himself, it was a loss of the father he thought he knew, and as his theology changed, the loss of the same church network.
Paula was born again when she transitioned. Jonathan's faith was born again when he embraced a theology of original blessing and inclusiveness and love. But new birth is painful and Jonathan writes honestly and unflinchingly about the pain. I devoured this book and I hope this book is a lifeline to those christians who are LGBTQ and in non-affirming communities.
Thanks to Netgalley and Westminster John Knox Press for a complementary review copy in exchange for my honest review.
Experience forces us to reconsider the primacy of scripture. For Jesus, it was an encounter with a Gentile woman. For Peter it was a dream about eating non-kosher food. For me it was the coming out of a family member. For Jonathan Williams, it was his dad, a successful leader of a large fundagelical church planting organization, admitting he's always known he was not a man despite his genitals. These guys knew their Bibles thoroughly. They had pastored churches. They had baptized disciples. They had preached the good news. But did the good news stop at a man in his 60's who had faithfully served the Lord for decades who was now attempting to align his external life with his internal life?
In 2012, I might have said yes. But like the author of this book, I've made a painful discovery, to believe that God is indeed love. It's a beautiful discovery, but painful when your religious community turns against you for believing this verse over all the others in the Bible. For Jonathan's father, Paula, it was being fired from the church planting organization she headed for 20 years, and losing all the friends made over that time frame. For himself, it was a loss of the father he thought he knew, and as his theology changed, the loss of the same church network.
Paula was born again when she transitioned. Jonathan's faith was born again when he embraced a theology of original blessing and inclusiveness and love. But new birth is painful and Jonathan writes honestly and unflinchingly about the pain. I devoured this book and I hope this book is a lifeline to those christians who are LGBTQ and in non-affirming communities.
Thanks to Netgalley and Westminster John Knox Press for a complementary review copy in exchange for my honest review.
March 28, 2019
When a pastor, son of a pastor, learns his father is “transgender,” he finds more advice being offered to parents of transgender children than to children whose parents are struggling with gender identity. And he turns to Google to learn what the difference might be between transgender, transsexual, transvestite, bisexual, gay and more—all words he hadn’t planned to consider before. Even while the words are changing their meaning and their usage, his father is changing who he is, and where does that leave the child?
Author Jonathan Williams first introduces his father—his hero—through examples of an excellent childhood relationship. He allows the upcoming question to grow slowly in the reader’s mind, while inviting recognition of how we all try to live up to stereotypes—is that different from trying to live how society defines you? “From the age of four, my father knew…” he says, begging the reader to ask, how did he know (and how did the author learn he’d known from such a young age)? But now the author's an adult, and his father has shared his secret.
Mother and father both came from Christian backgrounds, both with their added burden of rules and regulations (“Catholics weren’t Christians at all,” and no movies or sporting events on Wednesdays or Sundays…). But how seriously will they, the author, or we readers take that statement of Jesus that “the truth would set us free.” Will we stake our lives on it? Is unity really more important than uniformity? Is keeping faith more important than hanging onto our “tribe” and the finances supporting it? And can a grandfather truly become a woman—truly have been a woman all along?
Jonathan Williams neither hides behind nor hides from all these questions and more. He doesn’t pretend to have always known or always supported or always been the person he feels called to be. He allows his readers to start from the same assumptions and draw the same conclusions on their way to… well maybe to a “just and generous” faith.
Readers of faith may well be challenged by this book. Readers with no faith may find their distrust confirmed, perhaps affirmed, but surely never confirmed. Because faith, it turns out, isn’t faith in an organization after all—at least, not if Jonathan Williams is to be believed. Faith is bigger and more generous than that. And just maybe we should all be thankful.
Disclosure: I found this on NetGalley and I offer my honest review.
Author Jonathan Williams first introduces his father—his hero—through examples of an excellent childhood relationship. He allows the upcoming question to grow slowly in the reader’s mind, while inviting recognition of how we all try to live up to stereotypes—is that different from trying to live how society defines you? “From the age of four, my father knew…” he says, begging the reader to ask, how did he know (and how did the author learn he’d known from such a young age)? But now the author's an adult, and his father has shared his secret.
Mother and father both came from Christian backgrounds, both with their added burden of rules and regulations (“Catholics weren’t Christians at all,” and no movies or sporting events on Wednesdays or Sundays…). But how seriously will they, the author, or we readers take that statement of Jesus that “the truth would set us free.” Will we stake our lives on it? Is unity really more important than uniformity? Is keeping faith more important than hanging onto our “tribe” and the finances supporting it? And can a grandfather truly become a woman—truly have been a woman all along?
Jonathan Williams neither hides behind nor hides from all these questions and more. He doesn’t pretend to have always known or always supported or always been the person he feels called to be. He allows his readers to start from the same assumptions and draw the same conclusions on their way to… well maybe to a “just and generous” faith.
Readers of faith may well be challenged by this book. Readers with no faith may find their distrust confirmed, perhaps affirmed, but surely never confirmed. Because faith, it turns out, isn’t faith in an organization after all—at least, not if Jonathan Williams is to be believed. Faith is bigger and more generous than that. And just maybe we should all be thankful.
Disclosure: I found this on NetGalley and I offer my honest review.
February 24, 2019
All my reviews can be found at: http://jessicasreadingroom.com
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This review will post on my site on February 25th, 2019
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These are the words that no one expects to hear from a loved one, let alone from a parent to an adult child: “I am transgender”.
She’s my Dad is the memoir of Jonathan S. Williams, whose father Paul ‘ came out’ and confessed that secret to his family. She’s my Dad is Jonathan’s story of his shock, dealing with or the lack thereof the situation, and eventual acceptance of Paul becoming Paula. A confession such as this would be a shock in the first place, but what made Paul’s more complicated was both Jonathan and Paul’s occupation: evangelical pastors. Jonathan had also just started a new church plant a few months before Paul’s confession.
When we read transgender stories, we don’t tend to receive a family member’s perspective, just the one undergoing the transition. But it is not just the trans person that goes through transition: it is the whole family as they all have to go through countless changes. Jonathan and Paul’s story is compounded because of their occupations as they have to deal with many more consequences of this confession so Paula can be her true self. Every transition story will be different and important.
Most of the memoir discussed the church. For me, this seemed to drag on for a too long and I found myself skimming over the church mentions. Williams may have been trying to show how much Paula’s transition would affect everyone involved, but so much of it seemed like he was repeating himself. Williams had a very difficult time accepting his father becoming Paula and lamented to an extreme which included drinking. Unlike what many believe, pastors are human and are not perfect.
I did like that we got to also hear from Paula in some chapters in sections called “Paula Responds”. This way we get both sides of the story.
All a person who is undergoing transition wants is acceptance from themselves, their family, and even the church. Hopefully the church can be accepting to those who are transgender: They are people just like us. Think about it: If an evangelical pastor can eventually accept his father for who she actually is, maybe we all can.
She’s my Dad is recommended. I received a copy from Westminster John Knox Press via NetGalley. Thank you for my copy!
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This review will post on my site on February 25th, 2019
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These are the words that no one expects to hear from a loved one, let alone from a parent to an adult child: “I am transgender”.
She’s my Dad is the memoir of Jonathan S. Williams, whose father Paul ‘ came out’ and confessed that secret to his family. She’s my Dad is Jonathan’s story of his shock, dealing with or the lack thereof the situation, and eventual acceptance of Paul becoming Paula. A confession such as this would be a shock in the first place, but what made Paul’s more complicated was both Jonathan and Paul’s occupation: evangelical pastors. Jonathan had also just started a new church plant a few months before Paul’s confession.
When we read transgender stories, we don’t tend to receive a family member’s perspective, just the one undergoing the transition. But it is not just the trans person that goes through transition: it is the whole family as they all have to go through countless changes. Jonathan and Paul’s story is compounded because of their occupations as they have to deal with many more consequences of this confession so Paula can be her true self. Every transition story will be different and important.
Most of the memoir discussed the church. For me, this seemed to drag on for a too long and I found myself skimming over the church mentions. Williams may have been trying to show how much Paula’s transition would affect everyone involved, but so much of it seemed like he was repeating himself. Williams had a very difficult time accepting his father becoming Paula and lamented to an extreme which included drinking. Unlike what many believe, pastors are human and are not perfect.
I did like that we got to also hear from Paula in some chapters in sections called “Paula Responds”. This way we get both sides of the story.
All a person who is undergoing transition wants is acceptance from themselves, their family, and even the church. Hopefully the church can be accepting to those who are transgender: They are people just like us. Think about it: If an evangelical pastor can eventually accept his father for who she actually is, maybe we all can.
She’s my Dad is recommended. I received a copy from Westminster John Knox Press via NetGalley. Thank you for my copy!
May 20, 2019
I was truly looking forward to reading a book that encompasses the transition of a person into their correct gender through the lens of a parent and child within the church, but found a much more telling story about the Evangelical Christian community and its slow adjustment to the modern world. The transition of the author through his understanding of his father's gender identity and her struggles within the church to find understanding of herself and her place in the world as well as in her family lends itself to story telling, but I feel as though the story was unfulfilling.
So much of the author's point of view felt very reliant on traditions (gender roles, family dynamics, church teachings) that are out of pace with the modern world and the place that the whole person exists within it, that it was no shock that there would be growing pains, but the amount of focus on self was unsettling. This seemed especially difficult to process as the author focused his ire on the idea of the "postmodern narrative" and how it requires the community to affirm an individual's truth and their whole person while simultaneously believing that he should receive that affirmation of his feelings and reactions more than his father should during her own transitional period.
Throughout the book, I felt more as though the writing was building toward some revelation that never fully came, but instead seemed to manifest as more of a patting oneself on the back moment as the author realized that his father was still herself, just more fully so.
I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review through Net Galley.
So much of the author's point of view felt very reliant on traditions (gender roles, family dynamics, church teachings) that are out of pace with the modern world and the place that the whole person exists within it, that it was no shock that there would be growing pains, but the amount of focus on self was unsettling. This seemed especially difficult to process as the author focused his ire on the idea of the "postmodern narrative" and how it requires the community to affirm an individual's truth and their whole person while simultaneously believing that he should receive that affirmation of his feelings and reactions more than his father should during her own transitional period.
Throughout the book, I felt more as though the writing was building toward some revelation that never fully came, but instead seemed to manifest as more of a patting oneself on the back moment as the author realized that his father was still herself, just more fully so.
I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review through Net Galley.
June 4, 2019
She's My Dad reads like I expected an evangelistic parent would respond to their trans son. The author chronicles his journey through his father's transition. While it is ok to have your own issues and have grief for the loss of the person you know, the author always made everything about him. he father could never do anything right even before he transitioned. The son blames his problems in life with growing up evangelistic, for his dad having depression and even his transition. The author chooses to separate himself from Paula and blamed Paula's change. By the end, the author finally accepts who Paula is but very little attention is spent on his reworking of fatherly expectations. Instead, chapters are spent on his church and the fights for them to be inclusive all the while holding hypocritical thoughts about the queer population.
The section where Paula responds isn't helpful. This paragrap[hs aren't actual responses t what the author wrote. Paula sounded sad she caused her son great [ain but with no realization that the son had done the same,.
Overall, this book isn't very uplifting and is very self-obsessive. I wished I had read in this work where the author really was loving thy neighbor.
The section where Paula responds isn't helpful. This paragrap[hs aren't actual responses t what the author wrote. Paula sounded sad she caused her son great [ain but with no realization that the son had done the same,.
Overall, this book isn't very uplifting and is very self-obsessive. I wished I had read in this work where the author really was loving thy neighbor.
September 15, 2019
I received an ARC of this book through NetGalley in exchange for my unbiased opinion.
Jonathan Williams grew up in a family of evangelical pastors on both sides of the family and followed his father into the family business. When his father came out as transgender, Jonathan sank into a deep depression and starting drinking excessively to cope. Jonathan's life and self-image have always been firmly rooted in his relationship with his father, and he worries how it will change as Paul becomes Paula. In this memoir, Williams describes his journey toward accepting his father on a personal level and how it affected his faith and career, too. At the end of some chapters, Paula responds to the events of the chapter from her point of view.
I really appreciated Williams's honesty with his response to his dad's transition and how his view shifted over time. As an Exvangelical myself, I can empathize with how hard it was for Jonathan and Paula to leave the church family they had worked so closely with for years. The book seemed a bit rambling at times, but it was interesting to read a perspective of an adult child of a transgender parent.
Jonathan Williams grew up in a family of evangelical pastors on both sides of the family and followed his father into the family business. When his father came out as transgender, Jonathan sank into a deep depression and starting drinking excessively to cope. Jonathan's life and self-image have always been firmly rooted in his relationship with his father, and he worries how it will change as Paul becomes Paula. In this memoir, Williams describes his journey toward accepting his father on a personal level and how it affected his faith and career, too. At the end of some chapters, Paula responds to the events of the chapter from her point of view.
I really appreciated Williams's honesty with his response to his dad's transition and how his view shifted over time. As an Exvangelical myself, I can empathize with how hard it was for Jonathan and Paula to leave the church family they had worked so closely with for years. The book seemed a bit rambling at times, but it was interesting to read a perspective of an adult child of a transgender parent.
November 20, 2020
Jonathan had just started a new church when his father came out as transgender where he identified as a woman. His father, Paul had been the head of an evangelical Christian church planting organization before he had come out as transgender. Paul (Paula) was asked to leave that organization and couldn't find another job as a preacher for a period of time. At the time of his coming out, Jonathan had wanted to be an inclusive church but he was restrained by the constraints of the evangelical Christian world. This book also includes the point of view of Paula (Paul) on his transitioning to becoming a woman about how he was shunned by his so called friends because they felt that being transgender was a sin. This book is a good book for a family member, friend or someone who may want to know about accepting transgender people for who they are and not try to change them like evangelical Christians do. This book does touch on how being transgender may not be a sin like evangelical Christians teach. I did receive a copy of this book in exchange for a review from Netgalley.
April 20, 2022
I selected this title as an ally to the LBGTQ community and especially because of my friendship with a transgendered man. It was only once I began to read the story (or actual dual stories) that this was about a family steeped in Evangelical history as pastors and leaders in the denomination.
It reveals the impact of his father’s declaration that he was transgender and the family’s, particularly the son’s (the author), reaction to same. Every few chapters include a section written by the father as he tells his perspective.
The parallel journeys of son and father but the broader family unit and friends and fellow pastors are revealing and worth attention for those of us who want to stand with those who just want to be their authentic selves.
There is also a brief portion of another author’s work at the end addressing the same issue of transgender Christians and their struggles with often “toxic theology”.
It reveals the impact of his father’s declaration that he was transgender and the family’s, particularly the son’s (the author), reaction to same. Every few chapters include a section written by the father as he tells his perspective.
The parallel journeys of son and father but the broader family unit and friends and fellow pastors are revealing and worth attention for those of us who want to stand with those who just want to be their authentic selves.
There is also a brief portion of another author’s work at the end addressing the same issue of transgender Christians and their struggles with often “toxic theology”.
September 20, 2018
“I felt bad for him and her. But in the back of my head I felt betrayed. It felt like a dream.” - Jonathan
She’s My Dad by Jonathan S. Williams, is an emotionally inspirational memoir that showcases a son who loves his father and father who comes out as Transgender. Told from the perspective of the son, he tells his journey of acceptance. Though it’s not every day your father calls the family together and tell you that they’re Trans*. Although some of the language in the book is offensive to the trans* community, it does give us the raw thoughts of a cis-gender male. A truly touching story.
Anyone who had gone through their parent transitioning would benefit from reading this novel. This is a wonderful resource for those wanting to come out but haven’t. I want to thank Net Galley for giving me the chance to read this book and review it.
April 30, 2019
A story of a family dealing with a pastor’s transgender journey, as well as his son’s struggles
Jonathan S. Williams writes of his heart wrenching struggle with Paul Williams’, his father’s, announcement that he is transgender and wanted to transition to being Paula. Both are ministers and need to navigate the politics of their churches. The path thru the feelings of deceit and betrayal was difficult for the whole family and their churches.
In the end, Jonathan, their families and churches can embrace his father’s struggle to live an authentic life.
I felt that the book omitted exploring too many impacts on the families, other than Paula and Jonathan.
Despite the writing flaws, I would recommend this book to anyone, whether or not you are aware of a family member or acquaintance who is LGBTQ+.
Jonathan S. Williams writes of his heart wrenching struggle with Paul Williams’, his father’s, announcement that he is transgender and wanted to transition to being Paula. Both are ministers and need to navigate the politics of their churches. The path thru the feelings of deceit and betrayal was difficult for the whole family and their churches.
In the end, Jonathan, their families and churches can embrace his father’s struggle to live an authentic life.
I felt that the book omitted exploring too many impacts on the families, other than Paula and Jonathan.
Despite the writing flaws, I would recommend this book to anyone, whether or not you are aware of a family member or acquaintance who is LGBTQ+.
March 10, 2019
Jonathan followed in his father's and grandfather's steps in becoming pastors and church planters. Shortly after Jonathan helped start a new church in Brooklyn, his father shared with his family that he was transgender and wanted to transition to living authentically as a woman. It rocked Jonathan's world, both personal and professional. He struggled to accept that the father he had known would be no longer and figure out how that fit in with his faith. The book shares his journey interspersed with chapters from his father.
I appreciated the honesty and vulnerability from both Jonathan and Paula. It takes courage to share something so personal and controversial.
I appreciated the honesty and vulnerability from both Jonathan and Paula. It takes courage to share something so personal and controversial.
November 20, 2019
Traditional Churches and the LBGTQ Community
This book was not the memoir that I was expecting. It is a pretty good look at how traditional churches are currently dealing with the 'not-straight' community. It focuses on the author's family. It is as much about the church's struggle as it is about the man and his family's struggle to love their Dad and accept her new self. It is interesting. I greatly appreciated that the author footnoted all of his references and did not make the reader just assume he was correct. I received this ARC book for free from Net Galley and this is my honest review.
This book was not the memoir that I was expecting. It is a pretty good look at how traditional churches are currently dealing with the 'not-straight' community. It focuses on the author's family. It is as much about the church's struggle as it is about the man and his family's struggle to love their Dad and accept her new self. It is interesting. I greatly appreciated that the author footnoted all of his references and did not make the reader just assume he was correct. I received this ARC book for free from Net Galley and this is my honest review.
April 14, 2020
Really excellent book. A great first and second hand account of how becoming honest about your own sexuality within the Evangelical community impacts your life, and the loves of your loved ones. Both Jonathan and Paula made me weep to hear what they had to go through in the midst of an already vulnerable time. A great read for anyone on either side of this "issue". Wether or not you support the Queer community living their authentic selves it's a good book to read to understand how harmful certain actions can be as well as how to best demonstrate the love of the Divine to a population with one of the highest suicide rates in America.
June 26, 2019
I grew up knowing the Williams and the extended Long Island Church Family. My dad preached on the Island in the mid ‘80s.
I am an Evangelical Christian. While I resonate with the church’s need to exhibit the Love of Christ to the marginalized, we cannot through away scriptures about sin because we don’t want them to be true. Without sin that separates us from God, we have no need of a Savior.
As Bible believing people, we need to improve the way we show love and offer grace, while still standing firmly on scripture, even the parts that point out our sin.
I am an Evangelical Christian. While I resonate with the church’s need to exhibit the Love of Christ to the marginalized, we cannot through away scriptures about sin because we don’t want them to be true. Without sin that separates us from God, we have no need of a Savior.
As Bible believing people, we need to improve the way we show love and offer grace, while still standing firmly on scripture, even the parts that point out our sin.
January 21, 2019
This vulnerable and courageous book provides incredible insight into the real world experience of Jonathan and Paula. It is the personal story of a son and a father who invite us into the pain, loss, confusion, discovery, goodness, and joy of their story - inviting us to more fully embrace the journey we are all on to find our true selves. I’m so thankful they chose to share their story with us. It is really, really good!
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September 29, 2019Keep religion and God separate
All human beings are entitled to be who they are,, and religion has no right to judge others. God made all of us different. Society makes the standards just as churches do. Shame on any church that cannot accept everyone... We are all gods children. Thank God for our differences, what a boring world we would live in if we were all the same. Wake up people, learn to love everyone for who they are.
All human beings are entitled to be who they are,, and religion has no right to judge others. God made all of us different. Society makes the standards just as churches do. Shame on any church that cannot accept everyone... We are all gods children. Thank God for our differences, what a boring world we would live in if we were all the same. Wake up people, learn to love everyone for who they are.
February 16, 2019
I think this is an important book and a story that should be told. Unfortunately, it’s not written really well and it goes way too much into scripture and doctrine. The parts about Jonathan and Paula were the best parts of the book but I still felt this book only skimmed the surface.
I was provided a copy of this book by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
I was provided a copy of this book by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
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