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72 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1950
Perhaps every existence I can imagine must be transformed into a misunderstanding. Perhaps, but no matter. Meanwhile I am this small, timid man, unchanging, married to the only woman whom I ever seduced or who ever seduced me, not only incapable of being otherwise, but of possessing the will power to be otherwise. A little man despised to the degree of pity he inspires, a little man confused amid a legion of little men to whom the kingdom of heaven was promised.
Another failure, because presumably there’s something that has to be done; each of us can fulfill himself in suitable work. Then death doesn’t matter, not as much, not like definitive annihilation, because the man with faith is supposed to have discovered the meaning of life and to have followed it. But for this small life that’s beginning, or for all the previous ones that I might have to begin again, I don’t know of anything to help me, I don’t see the possibilities of faith. Yes, I can enter into many games, almost convince myself to play – for others – the farce of Brausen-with-faith. Any passion or faith makes for happiness, insofar as it distracts us and offers us unconsciousness.