Do the names Nicol Bolas, Jace Beleren, Liliana Vess, Chandra Nalaar, Gideon Jura, Ajani Goldmane, Davriel Cane, Kaya, Samut, Teyo Verada, The Wanderer, Tibalt, Sarkhan Vol, Nissa Revane, Kiora, Jaya Ballard, Domri Rade, Angrath, Arlinn Kord, Wesley Crusher, Dovin Baan, Jiang Yanggu and Mowu (stop, take a breath, we’re about half way there), Ob Nixilis, Sorin Markov, Ugin, Vivien Reid, Tamiyo, Ral Zarek, Nahiri, Karn, Ashiok, Huatli, Kasmina, Narset, Saheeli Rai, Teferi, and Vraska, (only to name a few), mean anything to you? Well, they won’t after reading Greg Weisman’s ‘War of The Spark: Ravnica’ novel either.
If they do mean something to you, then you’re either lying, or there’s a 100% chance you’re a Magic: The Gathering nerd and should wisely decide not to read this utter, complete and absolute dumpster fire of a book. Because once you read it, you can’t unread it, and your wonderful dreams and fantasies about the Multiverse will be forever dashed.
I’m not sure how to fully express the tangled goo of thoughts this book left me with. This story is utterly chaotic. I would describe it as a cataclysm of countless paper-thin characters, endless meaningless plot lines that lead to more places than the Holtzman Effect, random explosions, blood splashing from unknown sources, convoluted relationships that last a single paragraph and leave the reader wondering what purpose they served, hot necromantic babes and a couple of dragons. But, that is giving the book too much credit.
I’d normally attempt to give a synopsis of the plot, but there isn’t one. It’s just a nonstop serving of mashed potatoes being crammed into your mouth by a giant with an enormous wooden spoon shouting “take that, short human!” without giving any appetizer, main course or dessert. But I'll give it a try.
An ancient dragon, Nicol Bolas, is super smart and super mean and wants to take over the world of Ravnica. Several millions of hero wizards, who for some reason he trapped there on purpose, decide to stop him, and a lot of meaningless unnamed civilians die by hordes of heavy-metal zombies. It all builds, and builds, and builds, and builds with a fevered pitch to an astonishingly boring and predictable ending that was advertised and spoiled by the creators of the story themselves. There is no beginning, there is no middle, it’s all just one long ending to a story that never started.
Fellow geeks, nerds and MTG players, do yourselves a favor and don’t read this.
It’s not very good.